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Chaos and deformity. These are the words that I feel so related. It’s not that I describe myself with the two. It’s because I don’t see anything precise in life. Everything is just flowing around me. My life continues the flow with lines. The lines are sometimes too sharp and sometimes smooth but always entangled. Too many undescribed feelings and the need to describe. My thoughts are just overflowing into nothing. They are just accumulating inside of me. I feel the need to let them go and be something. But I don't have the ability of reflecting myself. So anything I experience is just stuck inside and make me anxious. I force myself to be productive to reflect what is stuck inside but whenever I try I fail. I am sure that its the only thing I need. Everything feeds the huge mess in me so It grows bigger and also It gets harder and harder to catch only one thing and let it come out through my art. Even writing makes me feel relaxed a bit. I’ve become so afraid to start or try to create. I sit down on in front of a PC, open an application to do something and eventually, I get anxious and demotivated so I start to do something else. 

a rainbow eater