deep blue abyss
one of those nights where i wish to isolate from any and all forms of life. i allow these waves of self loathing to slash my limbs, the salt burrowing into the wounds with each hit. their strength drag me in deeper into sorrows and thoughts of what could’ve been. i catch myself but im already too far out. the pressure grows and grows, pressing on my chest the deeper i go into these longings. open my eyes in hopes of being shimmered of by a ray of light, only to see dreams and hopes lost in a deep blue abyss.
so vast but yet so dark and isolated from others. but if there’s so much room, how can there be so little capacity? so many emotions, but i’m choked and restricted by waves of guilt when drawn into conversations about emotional awareness. i know what i need to say, i know how i feel, but it gets darker. my chest tightens, gasping for breath, mind scrambling. i cannot speak. unable to touch the surface, but too scared to go further down this infinite loop of self deprecation, what do i do now in this deep blue abyss?
i look for others to receive opinion, but see no one. i’m alone. silence is the only friend i have in this world who cannot disappoint nor disregard me. so i stop. i don’t move, i don’t breathe, i don’t think. i simply sink deeper into this deep, blue, abyss.
