Jae was rumbling, mumbling as you carried him out of the club. “Don’t drink if you can’t handle it, idiot!”
You let him sit on the dry pavement while you booked for a driver. Jae kept calling your name.
“What do you want?!” He was holding on to your hand, looking down.
“Hey, raise your head or you’ll puke.” You kneeled in front of him and kept his head up. Jae tried to open his eyes despite nausea. He called your name, clearer this time.
“What?” He laughed when your eyes met. Jae was massaging your hands.
“You are.” His voice breaks due to the intoxication. “You are an amazing girl, you know that?”
“Jae, you’re drunk!” You laugh nervously.
“I knew ever since the day we first met that I would like you.”
“Jae...” You wished he would stop. He called your name again.
Once.
Twice.
Too many times.
His hands shakily traced your fingers. With the hesitation of closing his hands on yours.
“I like you.” His lips brushed your fingers in an attempt to plant a kiss. “A lot.”
You pulled your hand free.
“Jae,” your voice shook. “You’re my sister’s boyfriend.”
You couldn’t sleep. Not after what happened last night. The feeling of his lips brushing against your fingers still linger on your mind, triggering both your desire and your guilt. Everytime you closed your eyes you could see his face and hear his voice while saying those words.
The internal battle of your heart and your conscience didn’t allow you to rest your mind.
You prayed for just an hour. Just one.
Where you can stop thinking about it, about him. About Jae. Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the ring of your phone.
His face suddenly blasted in full screen.
“Heyo, good morning!” Jae greeted as soon as you answered.
You hid almost immediately with a pillow for reasons being:
1) you look like shit from having no sleep
2) your cheeks were burning bright red from the thought the first thing Jae did after he woke up was to call you.
He didn’t even have time to rub the sleep off his face. Jae laughed. “Did I wake you?”
You tried to calm yourself down. “You think?” It sounded as sarcastic and as unaffected as you possibly can. “Why did you call?! And turn off the damn camera. What’s with the face?”
Jae laughed again and turned to audio. “So. Why did you call?”
Your heart jumped. What about last night? Why? Shit? What? Your brain was close to exploding.
“I just wanted to thank you for not ditching me in the club after I got so wasted.” He laughed dryly. You and him both.
“It was nothing Jae. We’re family.” Those words tasted bitter as they left your mouth.
“And.. I just wanna ask if I said anything to you last night? Something at all?” Your heart dropped.
Does he remember? You asked yourself. Shit no. “Oh that.” You tried to sound unaffected. Jae was silent but you can feel his nervousness even from being miles apart. “You were bragging about how you loved my sister and how you two were perfect for each other and all that.”
The lies burned your mouth. Bared your soul. Crushed your heart. But they were necessary.
“Seriously?!” Jae sighed. You can hear it, the chapping of a broken heart.
“Yeah.” Your voice was low. “Seriously.” Then you hear it that familiar voice calling him from the other end.
That voice you wish were yours. The voice he hears first in the morning and last every night.
“You better go.” Don’t go, stay. You wished. “She’s calling for you.”
You thanked God Jae changed to an audio call, then he couldn’t see the tears soaking your blanket and drowning your life. Then he couldn’t see through your lies. Then. You could continue to live a life of pain, denial, and lies. Because you can’t let your feelings be shown. You can’t let your feelings be known. You can’t love Jae. You can’t.