DEAR DAY6

p.s. Photo is not of Jae.

“Did you like it?” You didn’t want to ask, but you had to. “Did you like the change?” 

Jae chuckled. “No.” He sighed, he withdrew the cigarette from his lips, puffed out smoke before he crushed it against the cement. “You change too much for one girl and in the end, it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to. Then, you think you’ll forget the regret when you get over her. But then you realize, the regret wasn’t from her, but instead it was from what was etched to you.”

He looked at his arm, traced the outline of his tattoos before looking at me. He reached out and shuffled my hair. “So you, choose wisely. It’s not wrong to love. But you need to be careful of the choices you make to get that love. Okay?”

You nodded in frustration. How could this man, with his wisdom and wit. His knowledge of the world, his street smarts, can be so dense and so clueless when it came to himself. But it’s okay. You hold your silence.

“It’s okay.” You assured him. “The guy I like wouldn’t let me choose wrong. He’s too smart, and too kind, and too considerate to even let me do something rash.”

“Really?” His eyes smiled with him. “That’s nice. So what’s the hold up?”

You thought for a while how to place your words. “Hmmm. It’s just that, at the moment,  I think he doesn’t realize that someone could love him for who he is.” You laughed, yes, if you were to describe Jae, that would be the most accurate. “And I am slowly trying to pierce that wall. It’s kind of irritating how he thinks so low of himself when I can’t even compare to him. But when he realizes that, I’ll tell him. But for now I’ll wait.” That was true. 

“Sounds like a pain of a guy.” Jae scratched his head.

pic from @.ddirorings 

“Why are you out in this cold?” Jae said, wrapping his red scarf on YK’s neck. “Idiot. Don’t get sick.” 

 “I wanted to meet hyung.” YoungK said, his face was red from the cold, but mostly from seeing Jae again after a month apart. 

He buried his hands in Jae’s coat pocket. “There it’s not that cold anymore.”

 “You missed me that much?” Jae said, holding his lover’s face in place as he met their foreheads together. Badly resisting the temptation to take YoungK’s lips in his in the middle of the street. The tension between the two only grew larger as both of them knew what they wanted to do, but they both knew it wasn’t the right place to do so. “Hyung, let’s go home.” YoungK offered, he couldn’t take it anymore. “I’ll cook us dinner. That okay?”

Jae settled for a swift kiss in the forehead before saying. “Yeah, let’s do that.” And he took YoungK’s hand in his and together they headed home.

pic from @.dsxgsgr

“Hyung.” YoungK said in a whimper.

“Hmm?” Jae answered, not peeling his eyes off the smear of pesto sauce left on his lover’s lower lip. 

“The pasta you cooked was delicious. We can’t let a drop go to waste, can we?” YoungK backed off cautiously. Trying to run away from Jae’s predator gaze. 

“Hyung.” He didn’t know what exactly to say, a month apart was hard for the both of them. He knew what was coming. And he wasn’t particularly oposed to the idea of it. In fact, he knew he wanted it, too. But even so, he needed to be ready. And this was happening too quickly.

“Hyung.” He called again, trying to distract Jae from the prey. But Jae’s gaze was relentless as it was piercing. YoungK can feel it bore heat on his lips. Heat on everywhere else. He backed off some more, one step, two steps, and a third step back, there would’ve been a fourth but his back already hit the wall.

Jae locked him in, his left catching YoungK by the waist, pressing him into the wall. While his right went straight to his lover’s face, his thumb tracing the outline of the stain. “Don’t worry, it’ll be quick.” It was a lie. 

Nothing of what happened next was quick. Jae continued to tease YoungK with his gaze, and his fingers slightly touching his skin, his neck. YoungK could feel the sweat of agitation ran down his cheeks. This teasing, this long wait, was taking too big of a toll on him that he found himself craving for it. 

That moment, that time. When Jae claims his prey, claims him. 

He had enough of it.He grabbed Jae by the chest and pulled him much closer than he originally was.

“Hyung.” His voice was breaking slightly. Jae felt shivers run down his spine by the sound it, and the least subtle grin edged on his lips.

“What?” He teased more.

“Just.. get the stain off already.” Younghyun demanded. “You don’t want it to be wasted, right?”

Jae’s smirk turned into a full blown grin. “Of course. It’s my precious Younghyun’s cooking after all.” 

“If you could have done one thing different in your life, what would it be?” 

The question was said with no hesitation that it stung as it arrived in his ear. Sungjin was tired, he just got down from the stage on the last night of his grueling soldout all-stadium tour, and he has been passive in answering the interviewer’s questions.

But not this one, he breathed one in and straightened his back. He didn’t even have to think of the answer, Sungjin knew right when he decided to do it, that it would be the one thing he would regret later on. He looked at the interviewer, who had a quirky smile that went against the professional air around her. 

He smirked before he answered, “I should have fought harder.” 

The interviewer picked up the change in his mood quickly. “How so? On what?”

Sungjin was hesitant to continue answering, but he knew he had to. It was his fault for giving such a vague answer. “You see, I once, stupidly, didn’t believe that I could balance this all out. My dream, my career, my life out of the spotlight. Maybe I was right, maybe I really couldn’t. But maybe I also can. Maybe if I fought harder, worked, even more, I could’ve just made it work. Bit now, I’m only left at this. Saying maybes.” He bit his lip before adding, “Succesful, yet, lacking.” 

The interviewer perked up. She knew she was getting. the item of a lifetime. “Why don’t you go after her then?” She knew even without him telling. She knew it in his searching eyes. 

 “She’s happy.” He said, his voice going back to the same passive tone he gave off at the start of the interview. “And she wouldn’t like the attention. She’d prefer her peace.”

“You could still offer her that, though? Your fans are even asking- no, begging you to get married already. So what’s the wall?” The interviewer bled her pen on the paper in the speed of an adrenaline-fueled excitement. 

“I can’t do that.” Sungjin gave off a nervous laugh. “Even if I want to. Even if I needed to.”

The interviewer just finished off scribbling his words before looking up and asking, “Why?” That was the first time Sungjin looked her in the eye. She didn’t recognize the artist she followed for months for this documentary that was set to spiral her career into success.

 For months, all she’s seen is the image of a successful artist who was content, who had the biggest heart for his music, his craft, his people. Who had only joy and happiness, breathing out of his every crevice. And this man, sitting across from her, with a surrendered expression, and eyes that longed for a star out of reach, was a stranger she didn’t know existed.

His eyes never left, and as if looks could carry pain, her heart felt like it was crushed. Like she had stepped into his shoes and walked through the pain he felt when he said, “She’s happy.” 

Younghyun thought it was funny how a normal scene, a normal street, a normal sight could bring such a bittersweet feeling of nostalgia, followed by a silent yet stinging pain.

He thought it was funny, how the world seemed brighter in the memory stuck in his head yet grey in his  eyes, presently. 

He thought it even funnier that the air was cold, but his chest colder even when wrapped by thick, warm cloth.

But what he didn’t find funny, was that he was here, all alone, enjoying the views you enjoyed, the streets you walked, the sights you loved. But you aren’t. He didn’t find it funny. Not one bit. Never a chance. Never at all.

“I'll remember you,” Younghyun said in his mind. “I'll remember you in the air I breathe, in the places I go, in the pictures I take. I'll remember you. Because my love for you was never fragile. Never in our arguments, our fights, never in the words we uttered that may have broken our hearts. Broken us apart. Broken us ... forever. But not my love for you. And even if the colors that once painted our feelings, us, in hues so beautiful and bright, have now faded to nothing but black and white. My love for you will still be there.

Alcohol is the best solution to any affairs of the heart. That’s what you kept repeating to yourself as chugged your 6th bottle of beer. The club was packed this evening due to a surprise band guesting. But, you couldn’t care less. You just found out your boyfriend was sleeping with your secretary. 

But your thoughts were betrayed as soon as the band took the stage. The bassist especially caught your eye. He had unkempt hair and wore a loose yet strikingly attractive suit. He also had fox-like eyes and a smile that was too seductive to be true.

You emptied your 7th - or was it 8th or 9th- bottle of beer before the world started spinning and you blacked out.

You woke up the next morning to the sound of running water and the roar of 65 hundred mosquitoes in your ear. You rise from the bed which didn’t feel right to you and headed straight to the bathroom. But something caught your eye on your way there. You creep in front of a full-body mirror and your heart thumped hard on your ribs at the same time your hand clasped your gaping mouth. You were wearing a loose white shirt which didn’t belong to you and upon closer inspection, you realized your standing in the middle of a bedroom which nothing in, you recognize.

You hear the sound of running water halt and the bathroom door opening, revealing a half-naked man walking out. You screamed at the top of your lungs.

“Hey Hey.” he said, “calm down.” Walking slowly to you, clutching the edge of the towel that was covering his lower half. You take a look at the guy and realize he was the messy-haired bassist you were eyeing last night.

“What-how-why?” You try to piece the fragments in your head.  But nothing made sense other than the prickling pain of your brain. He stood upright relieved that you were calming down. You had to distract yourself from staring at his sculptured body, which made you drool a little bit. 

“Long story short, we just ended up together due to some twists and turns.” His smile. Dang that smile, you try to contain the lust. “I can assure you though, nothing happened.” And you stared at him in bewilderment trying to suppress that ‘WHY?’.

Social gatherings aren’t my kind of events. Especially when women began to group amongst themselves and chatter. I’d rather stay home and cuddle.

Yes, cuddle. 

The bright noisy room in front of me disappeared and I was back to my dimly lit room cuddling with him. HIM.

I was brought back to reality with the mention of my name. “Dr. Kang.” 

“Yes?” I answer promptly. “Sorry, I was thinking about a case.”

“You work too hard.” The women around me giggled, I did too. Well. “You got married last year correct?” I flinch at the sudden personal question. 

“Yes,” I straightened my back and lifted my chin. “On our 10th anniversary.” 

The women exchanged wows. It was a proud moment. But then, 

“Your husband is a famous bassist, right? He tours a lot. Aren’t you nervous he’ll find someone else? Why don’t you give him a child already?  Why don’t you stop working and start a family?” 

These words weren’t necessarily spoken by a single person but they all felt like they came from the same demon. So, I drove home in frustration. All of my fears, my doubts, my questions to myself were again brought into life.  

I knew prioritizing my career, my dreams, my success will put my relationship with my husband at risk but... I push the thoughts away. Here I went again.

It was 2:32 am when I finally reached home. The first thing I noticed was the light in the child’s room was on. I hear my heart drop. 

He’s home.

I slowly go inside the room. He was there sitting in the middle, admiring his work. His eyes, full of joy and excitement. My heart sank deeper. 

“Hey!” He suddenly stood, beaming. “I splashed different colors in pastel just to prepare. How was the party?” 

His face. His happy face. This room. Him in it. Him being happy in it. I started to cry hard. I fell down on my knees and buried my face on my hands. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” YoungK ran up to me, grabbed me in his arms. “Hey what happened?”

“I’m sorry I’m prioritizing my career, my life, over our family.” Tears, snot mixing in my face. “I’m sorry I’m not ready to have children yet. I’m sorry I’m sorry.” 

“Hey.” YoungK’s voice was soft and unjudging. “We’re both more than that. I know you, I knew even way back.”

I looked up to him. His eyes searched me with love. Just as he always did. 

“We already talked about this before right? I’m pursuing my dream, you’re pursuing yours. We married each other because we understood that. And until the day that we are both ready, only then will we start a family. A family where we are both present for our children. Right? Remember?

I nodded my head while I cried in his arms. 

Scenario

"I'm gonna cook for you tonight. " You declared confidently while holding a knife as if you were going to murder someone.

Sungjin stared at you in amusement. "You're not gonna cook holding the knife like that."

"I know," you tell him, adjusting your grip. "I spent all night last night watching cooking tutorials on youtube." 

"You sure?" Sungjin asked, his voice basked with worry but also with a tinge of wonder. 

You push him to the end of the dining table. "You just sit here and watch, okay? Trust me." 

Sungjin held your hand. "Don't go slicing yourself okay?" 

"I promise." You smiled at him. 

"What are you gonna cook?" He asked as you returned to the kitchen. 

"Kimchi jjigae." You closed your eyes and tried to remember the recipe from the video last night. Repeating it over and over again like some sort of mantra. As soon as you felt sure, you took one deep sigh and started the preparation. Sungjin quietly watched as you clumsily prepared the kimchi and kimchi brine, while repeating the recipe loudly.

He sat in anticipation of your every move. Smiling when you made mistakes, even wider from your little celebrations of success. Sungjin quietly admitted to himself, even though he was worried as hell, he seriously was enjoying the view. 

You added in everything perfectly up until... "Oh, no." You loudly exclaimed, holding back tears. "Oh, no." 

Sungjin immediately stood from where he sat. "Why? What happened." You turned to look at him, tears pooling at the edges of your eyes. 

Sungjin couldn't hide the grin that showed clearly in his face. You were too adorable in his sight that he just had to smile.

"Sungjin." Your voice broke cutely with every syllable. "Help."

Still grinning Sungjin took to your side.

"Why? What happened?" He was wiping tears from your cheeks. "I was watching you, you were doing it perfectly." 

You cry louder, yet still cute. "I-" you buried your head on his chest. Ashamed of what you were gonna say next. Sungjin patted your head. Shushing and laughing at the same time. "I forgot the anchovy stock."

You admitted in another loud yet cute little whimper. Sungjin looked at your preparations, preventing a really loud laugh from escaping him.

Very short scenario

You were in the middle of buying drinks when a stranger approached you, “Hello,” she greeted. “Aren’t you Wonpil’s wife?” 

Ah, you thought. A fan. 

You nodded your head as you hand your payment to the cashier. 

“How do you survive it? Wonpil, being on tour most of the year?

You try not to get annoyed. You just smiled and went on your way. But the stranger still followed you out. 

“You didn’t answer me,” she said, suspicious. You both stopped under the shade of a tree. 

“I think it was better to show you.” You pointed at the middle of the park, where Wonpil and your daughter was. 

“It’s not easy. Most of the time I’ve thought of just locking him up at home. But... it’s all worth it.” 

Short scenario

You woke up to noisy taps in the bathroom. When you went to check, you catch Sungjin in the middle of shaving.

“Did I wake you?” he said, greeting you with an embrace, careful enough not to get cream on you.

You shook your head. “But, isn’t it too early for you to shave?

He carried you up the bathroom counter. You sat perfectly at his eye level, and you bask in the view. “I wanted to wake you up with a smooth chin.”

You feel his neck. “I like it when it’s rough. I like it when you’re rough.” You both lock eyes.

“Isn’t it too early for THIS?”

You grab the razor from his hand and locked him between your legs. “Every time is the perfect time for that, Hon.” 

Scenario

One of the secret pleasures I enjoy is getting Wonpil jealous. The way his brows crease and how cute and sexy he pouts his lips gets my heart racing like an F1 races heading for the win. It’s like ecstasy, not that I tried any.

I inched closer to Ruri, our adopted golden retriever, and gave him countless kisses while eyeing Wonpil in my peripheral. I’ve been at this for minutes now. His eyebrows start to crease, and I can feel my heart pounding against my ribs.

I kissed Ruri, again, burying my face in his golden fur. Making loud noises as I plant a smack and retreat. 

“Stop it.” Wonpil called out to me, his lower lip protruding up. That’s so sexy. I tried to hide my grin and planted another loud smack on Ruri’s fur.

Wonpil pulled me from the embrace, his jealous face placed so close to mine. I wanted to take it in my hands and devour those pouting lips deeply in mine. I resist the temptation. I struggled, pretending to snuggle and give Ruri another kiss while Wonpil clasped me by the waist, peeling me away from our child, to him.

“Me too!” He demanded, almost pleading. I couldn’t take it anymore. I used the force of his pull and pinned him down on the carpet. I positioned my self to a clear view of his face, holding him down by the shoulders.

His pout turned to a smile. That smile - good fuck - those eyes that seemed to disappear with it. Those glistening eyes peeking in thin slits. Those rosy red cheeks. 

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT 

My mind is beyond haywire.

“Me too.” He repeated, with a voice like sweet honey, begging me to consume it. 

“You’re way too much for me.” I leaned in, kissing his cheeks first. Then his forehead, the tip of his nose, his chin, the edges of his mouth, and around his lips. Wonpil caught my head and steadied it, ending the teasing.

He stared into me, my bare soul, my bare longing for him. His smile disappeared and a wild canvass of a man appeared. He traced my lips with his thumb and pulled me in.

Random writes.

The air was filled with magic and with love. You filled the whole room with greens and flowers that it seemed like we had our own little garden. You were dressed simply in white, but you glowed like an angel. 

My guardian angel. My angel Sungjin.

You looked at me with eyes that made no room for fear. And a smile that made all the wrongs, right and all the rights, even better. I stayed on the altar, while you walked down the aisle. It was rare for a wedding, but we were a rare couple.

Your eyes never left mine.

And my erratic heart steadied.

As soon as you reached where I was, you bent down to kiss my forehead. I could feel your lips still lingering there, even though it already left. You took my hands in yours, squeezed it tightly, gently, like you always do.

Our vows were short and simple. They were more of a statement of love than the brandishing of promises. And I realized just how much I truly loved you more than I could have ever imagined. There were no dry eyes in the room, not even mine. Not even yours. 

And it was beautiful.

You walked together with me until we reached those doors. Your hands never leaving mine, never releasing the reassuring and protective hold. Never releasing me. We stayed there for a while. Alone, just the two of us, and I could see your tears trickling down your handsome face.

Too bad I couldn’t reach and wipe them for you. So, instead, I called your name. 

You, hurriedly, wiped your tears thinking you could hide them from me. But, not from me, Sungjin, never from me. Your eyes twinkled from the tears as you bent down for me.

The universe in them showed even brighter and fuller. I motioned for you to come closer and whispered that everything was going to be okay. Cause it was.

Everything was perfect. Everything was okay. This time you couldn’t stop your tears. You held me up in a tight embrace.

And I told you I was okay. It was okay. Everything was okay. Again and again. I told you. We stayed in that position until someone called for me.

It was time.

We have prepared for this for months.

It’s time.

You looked at me and whispered words of love.

You kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my nose, my chin, and then you kissed my lips. Again. And again. And again. And again.

You told me you were gonna wait for me no matter how long it takes. You were gonna stay and wait for me.

I nodded and told you I knew and I trusted that you would.

You held both of my hands this time, so tight that it kind of hurt.

But they made me sure that everything was okay. Then you let go.

We promised each other no goodbyes, instead, we gave each other a kiss.

You watched me as they pushed my stretcher into the OR.

You waited for hours.

You hoped.

You prayed.

Scenario

Part 1

Jae was rumbling, mumbling as you carried him out of the club. “Don’t drink if you can’t handle it, idiot!” 

You let him sit on the dry pavement while you booked for a driver. Jae kept calling your name. 

“What do you want?!” He was holding on to your hand, looking down.

“Hey, raise your head or you’ll puke.” You kneeled in front of him and kept his head up. Jae tried to open his eyes despite nausea. He called your name, clearer this time. 

“What?” He laughed when your eyes met. Jae was massaging your hands. 

“You are.” His voice breaks due to the intoxication. “You are an amazing girl, you know that?” 

“Jae, you’re drunk!” You laugh nervously.

“I knew ever since the day we first met that I would like you.”

“Jae...” You wished he would stop. He called your name again.

Once. Twice. Too many times. 

His hands shakily traced your fingers. With the hesitation of closing his hands on yours.

“I like you.” His lips brushed your fingers in an attempt to plant a kiss. “A lot.” 

You pulled your hand free. 

“Jae,” your voice shook. “You’re my sister’s boyfriend.”

Part 2

You couldn’t sleep. Not after what happened last night. The feeling of his lips brushing against your fingers still linger on your mind, triggering both your desire and your guilt. Everytime you closed your eyes you could see his face and hear his voice while saying those words.

“I like you. A lot.” 

The internal battle of your heart and your conscience didn’t allow you to rest your mind.

You prayed for just an hour. Just one.

Where you can stop thinking about it, about him. About Jae. Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the ring of your phone.

His face suddenly blasted in full screen. 

“Heyo, good morning!” Jae greeted as soon as you answered. 

You hid almost immediately with a pillow for reasons being: 1) you look like shit from having no sleep 2) your cheeks were burning bright red from the thought the first thing Jae did after he woke up was to call you.

He didn’t even have time to rub the sleep off his face. Jae laughed. “Did I wake you?” 

You tried to calm yourself down. “You think?” It sounded as sarcastic and as unaffected as you possibly can. “Why did you call?! And turn off the damn camera. What’s with the face?” 

Jae laughed again and turned to audio. “So. Why did you call?”

“It’s about last night.”

Your heart jumped. What about last night? Why? Shit? What? Your brain was close to exploding.

“I just wanted to thank you for not ditching me in the club after I got so wasted.” He laughed dryly. You and him both.

“It was nothing Jae. We’re family.” Those words tasted bitter as they left your mouth.

“And.. I just wanna ask if I said anything to you last night? Something at all?” Your heart dropped. 

Does he remember? You asked yourself. Shit no. “Oh that.” You tried to sound unaffected. Jae was silent but you can feel his nervousness even from being miles apart. “You were bragging about how you loved my sister and how you two were perfect for each other and all that.”

The lies burned your mouth. Bared your soul. Crushed your heart. But they were necessary.

“Seriously?!” Jae sighed. You can hear it, the chapping of a broken heart. 

“Yeah.” Your voice was low. “Seriously.” Then you hear it that familiar voice calling him from the other end.

That voice you wish were yours. The voice he hears first in the morning and last every night. 

“You better go.” Don’t go, stay. You wished. “She’s calling for you.”

“Yeah. I better.” 

“Bye, Jae.”

“Bye.”

Scenario.

It was 2 AM when you suddenly got a call. 

JAE. 

When you read his name as the caller ID, your heart did a double. It’s been a while. You answered it immediately. 

“Wow, after a year, you call me at 2 AM?” He chuckled on the other end, weakly. His reaction worries you.

“Hey what’s wrong?” You dropped everything and solely focused on the call. There was silence. “Nothing. Just wanna invite you for a drive. It’s really been a while.”

Bothered. You were utterly bothered. “K. Pick me up in 5.”

The sun has already risen but you were getting nowhere.

“I. AM. OVER. HER.” Jae said while munching his 7th burrito. He said them too many times already, you didn’t even bother count. Your fist was turning white from gripping the chair in anger.

“I know.”

You tried to mask all the emotions in your voice. The anger, the annoyance, the jealousy, the pain. You wished with all your strength that he would just stop. When Jae mentioned her name again, you lost it. 

“STOP THE CAR.” Shocked and compelled by the anger in your voice, Jae pulled the car over beside a beachfront.

You were both in the middle of nowhere but you couldn’t stay there. Not another second. Not another fucking second. You got out of the car almost immediately and started walking back the way you got there.

Jae got out and followed you. He grabbed your arm as soon as he caught up to you, “Hey what’s wrong?” 

“Don’t touch me!!” You shoved his arm away.

Jae looked at you, shock and cluelessness, too apparent on his face. “What’s wrong?” His voice was gentle. It irked you. 

“WHAT’S WRONG?!” You couldn’t stop it. The surge of pent up emotion spilling out the jar you have tightly sealed inside your heart. It broke, and there’s no stopping the overflow.

“WHAT’S WRONG?!” You shouted at him, throwing your purse at him too. “YOU SERIOUSLY DON’T KNOW?!”

Tears poured down your face. You were laughing and crying. Shouting and bawling. All at the same time.

Jae was too dumbfounded to react.

“Do you really have that thick of a skull Jae? You called me, what, after a year for what? So you could talk about your lying cheating bitch of a girlfriend?!” The words came harsher than expected but you didn’t take them back. 

“You haven’t talked to your best friend of 20 and more years for about a whole year, then you call her up at 2 am. She was stupid enough to think you finally had time for her. And she goes out to this fucking place, which is nowhere just to here you blabber about someone else all the time.” You laughed. Cried. And laughed again. Jae kept on calling your name but you ignored him. Just this once you ignored him. 

You tried to stop yourself from crying. And looked Jae straight to the eye, “What do I have to do Jae? What do I have to do for you to notice me? For you to choose me?” Jae’s eyes were lost. And it pained you to see him like this. But you have to say it now, prioritize yourself now, give yourself a chance now.

“I like you, Jae. I have since we were 12. But I never had the courage to tell you. Not until now. Not until how I saw you break yourself over her. For someone like her. So... What do I have to do Jae? What do I have to do for you to choose me? 

To my crush of 5 years,

Yes, you. Yes, 5 years. Frankly, I really don’t know whether you know or do not know this. But my gut feeling tells me you do. I have greatly admired you ever since we talked in that class when we were both first years. And I have admired you, strangely, continuously ever since. Friends upon friends have told me to confess my ‘liking’ you directly to you. Actually, I have placed enough thought into it. I admired you. Liked you. For 5 years. All I had to do was to say that. But I couldn’t build up the courage. Not then. Not now. And I don’t know when will I ever. The little courage I did save up all these years only allowed me to do this. Write an anonymous letter, but not of the sender. A letter to an anonymous receiver. You. After graduation, I thought this silly admiration stopped. But as soon as I saw you, again, I felt like I was the 17-year-old me who for the first time saw you smile, and butterflies erupted in her stomach. The feeling felt fresh and my heart skipped just the same as it did back then. And ah, I realized, you really have a beautiful smile. Hahahaha. I wrote this letter not because I wanted any response whatsoever. This is just me expressing this admiration indirectly to you. Ah, one other thing why I can’t say it directly to you is because I freeze up whenever you’re close and my mind goes haywire. Hehehe. My heart races so much I can’t control the volume of my voice, my giggles, and my excitement when you’re near. Hahahaha. That’s why this is the best method I could come up with to finally at least ‘tell’ you this. Please forgive me. Hahahahaha.

So this is me bravely saying that,

I LIKE YOU. I really like you. I really really do.

Hahahaha.

Wishing you happiness,