everybody hates me but you love me

She didn’t like it, she wasn’t a fan of the fact that she’d picked up how to recognize him and his characteristics just because he never stopped hanging around her.

When his footsteps finally stopped, and she was certain that he was standing next to her she turned in what she assumed was his direction, “Do you still have my textbook?” 

At this point in their “friendship” she was pretty sure that Young Do wouldn’t care if she spoke to the void instead of his face, and she wasn’t all that worried about making him uncomfortable either but acting like she could see to benefit other people had become second nature.

“I’m not responsible for your belongings,” He waited a second, almost long enough for Eun Sang to yell at him, and then added, “You left it in your locker.” Before she could say anything in response Young Do tugged on her wrist lightly, pulling her in the direction of his bike.

“Who’s taking you home?” He asked this every single day, and every day Eun Sang told him the same thing. 

She learned early on that if she lied, it was no use. Young Do would stand and wait for the fake ride to get there. He’d wait long enough until Eun Sang would eventually tell him the truth.

A small sigh escaped her lips, “I’m walking.” Every day once she told him this, he made sure to bring her home himself. Sometimes it was on his bike, which Eun Sang did not enjoy, but mostly it was in his car.

Young Do took his helmet off, setting it on the seat of his bike and pulled his phone out of his pocket, “Yeah. I’m at school. Yeah. Hurry up.”

Eun Sang furrowed her eyebrows, not really sure what was going on. “What was that about?”

“I called Myungsoo he’s gonna give you a ride home today, I’ve got business to take care of.” Eun Sang didn’t bother asking what business he could possibly be doing, instead she let out a loud huff of air and kicked at the ground, “I’m fine walking, Young Do. I don’t need you to force Myungsoo to babysit me.”

“It’s freezing outside and you’re not wearing a coat,” As if it was on cue a shiver ran through her, and she could almost feel the smug look on Young Do’s face. “Besides, Myungsoo isn’t doing anything anyway. Getting to sit next to someone as beautiful as you will be the highlight of his day.” 

His compliments hardly affected her anymore but she still felt a blush creeping into her cheeks, causing her to turn her head in the opposite direction to try and hide it. Eun Sang didn’t want to admit, or think about it, but a small piece of her was grateful for Young Do.

Her entire life she’d been forced to do things on her own, and she didn’t mind really, but sometimes it got lonely. It got lonely, and it got hard. 

Of course, it was still annoying when he tried to open her locker for her every morning, and she found it unnecessary that he felt the need to move her out of the way of every student she might brush against. 

On occasion, however, he did small things for her that made her feel nice.

Sometimes he’d lean over and describe in detail the expression on Bo Na’s face when Chan Young paid attention to anyone else. 

Sometimes he’d bring her coffee when he knew she was up late studying, but most importantly, he made sure she was safe. He made sure she got home alright.

“Are you going to stay with me until Myungsoo comes?”

Young Do didn’t miss a beat with his reply, “Of course.”

He was getting over her, really. This past year he’d grown a lot and he decided it was time to take some responsibility, so he finally became the CEO of Zeus Hotel. It took several weeks, and a lot of consultations with his lawyers, but he did it and now he was far too busy to be upset. His schedule was too tight for heartbreak.

So really, he didn’t even notice it’d been three years.

He had moved on, he’d put his past behind him and when Myung Soo walked him up to his suite and made sure he got into bed his mind didn’t even wander to that locked away place where memories of her resided.

When he was all alone with nothing but his drunk thoughts and an empty bed he didn’t picture her face, he didn’t think about how much he loved her, he didn’t remember the tears welling in her eyes when she told him she was leaving.

Instead, he poured himself another shot of whiskey and enjoyed the numb buzz that carried him off to sleep.

A piercing ring is what woke him at 4 in morning, and before he could comprehend that it was from the phone, he had to first address the pounding headache that was demanding all of his attention. 

It was at this time that he was regretting letting Myung Soo talk him into going out. On the third ring, he picked up the phone, “What is so important that you needed to wake me at this ungodly hour?”

“There’s a someone here to see you.” The woman whose voice he vaguely recognizes from the front desk, who is most likely not getting paid enough to deal with Young Do answers, and immediately Young Do is going through a list of people he’d pissed off in the past months.  

“Tell whoever it is to leave, I haven’t slept enough to properly deal with this.” There’s a pause on the other end of the line, like the woman is trying to decide the best way to word what comes out of her mouth next, and Young Do wants to tell her that the pain in his head is enough to make him want to die, and he really cannot deal with her trying to persuade him to see some person he can’t even remember. 

He doesn’t however, because after all it’s still 4 in the morning for her as well, and he really isn’t paying her enough.

“They’re already on their way up, sir. They’re on the list of people to always allow access to your suite no matter what, I didn’t think you’d want me to turn them away.”

Now he’s starting to panic. There are only 3 people on that list, his mother, his assistant, and Cha Eun Sang. He’s trying to decide which crisis has happened to call either of those two to his room at 4 in the morning.

Eun Sang doesn’t even enter his mind as an option, after several years of hoping he’s learned not to expect much.

He hangs up before the poor receptionist has a chance to answer, and quite literally, stumbles out of bed. As he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and pulls on the nearest pair of pants he runs through the list of worst-case-scenarios that could have happened.

A knock on the door abruptly stops his current search for the shirt he pulled off during the fight to make ti his bed, and the task that had been at hand is momentarily forgotten as he crosses the room trying to make it to the door as quickly as possible.

In his haste he foregoes the peep hole and instead swings the door open without a second thought.

In one fleeting moment all of the hard work he’d put into himself disappeared.

In one fleeting moment three years of pain slammed into his gut.

In one fleeting moment he was 18 again, and his heart was beating so fast he thought it might burst.

“Young Do.”

For some reason he thought this store had tables in front, (no thats the one where you saw Eun Sang, dumbass) but he was mistaken and now enjoying his ramen on the sidewalk. Actually, he wasn’t really enjoying it at all. It tasted pretty bad, and his back had started to hurt from having to hunch over to eat. 

“Stupid.” He muttered to no one but himself as he palmed his forehead trying to get the memories of Eun Sang to stop plaguing his mind.

Nowadays he wasn’t really sure what was actually happening, and what was fragments of memories from her. He’d get things confused, like which convenient stores had tables in front, and which bike shop he liked. He’d walk into a cafe and expect to see her face, forehead creased in annoyance at the sight of him. 

When he didn’t see Eun Sang, when he showed up at the wrong convenient store and stood in front of the mechanic that had told him to never come back his head started to hurt. His head started to hurt and his chest started to get tight, reminding him that Eun Sang was gone and that all these places he was winding up, and all these memories that were seeping into everyday life was all he had left of her.

When she told him goodbye for the second time, it hurt worse than her choosing Tan over himself. 

When she clung tightly to his waist and mumbled about how she regretted a lot of decisions, and that she’d only be gone a few years he could feel his heart breaking into several little pieces. 

He knew she wasn’t coming back. He knew she was never coming back, he knew she was getting out for good, and in a way a piece of him was happy. He was happy that she was finally free, soaring high above everyone else and following her dreams. He only wished that his head could feel as happy as that small piece of his heart.

He knew that as soon as she got on that plane she was gone. Eun Sang was a dreamer, and for the first time in her life she was getting to fulfill them. Young Do knew that wherever she was going, she wouldn’t return.

Young Do was, of course, right. It’d been two years since she left, two agonizing years since she’d last spoken to him and even though he told himself he was getting over her, and that he didn’t need Eun Sang he couldn’t get the memories out of his stupid head.

Sighing in defeat he stood up slowly, stretching out his back and waiting for his joints to hiss and crack after being cooped up for so long. The instant noodles were discarded into a nearby trashcan and Young Do was now walking back to his apartment, hands shoved into his pants pockets and trying to forget the gnawing feeling in his stomach.

He wondered how he could feel starving and like he wanted to throw up at the same time, keeping his hands balled into fists as he walked. 

A few years ago, he’d take his bike everywhere. He liked how fast it went, he liked feeling the wind against his skin and he liked how much everyone else didn’t like it. Now, he was too tired to bother with it. He was too tired to listen to people worry, he was too tired to keep up with it. 

He didn’t mind walking though, it was nice most nights. It gave him time to think and clear his head. Whether or not that was a particularly good thing, he didn’t know, but he liked it. So now he walked everywhere. Or, when he had the patience he took his driver. Nowadays that wasn’t very often.

Young Do knew that eventually, when Eun Sang left, he’d be upset but he didn’t expect to be so depressed. So lost. He couldn’t even keep tabs on her to see if she was safe, which was probably the most crushing of all.

He tried to be okay, though, he really did. He tried mainly for his mother, because she was in his life now and he felt like there was no need for him to be as depressing as he was. 

her overwhelming stubbornness usually stopped that from happening though, so instead she just tried to walk as quickly as possible to all her classes and pretend he wasn’t there.

the downside to counting steps instead of using a walking stick, however, was that it was very easy to miscount. especially when the halls are crowded, and when young do is always behind her muttering distracting things into her ear. when she did miscount, she usually found herself walking into walls or turning into the wrong classroom.

now, though, young do was there and when she miscounted he was grabbing her by the shoulders and steering her into the right direction. telling her to be more careful next time and reminding her how lucky she is that he’s there.

eun sang hated him. she hated him, and she hated the fact that he thought he could just come in and become her caretaker. she liked being independent, and she liked being able to do things on her own. her entire life she had to fight for independance because of one disability, that she really didn’t see as a disability at all.

everyone always told her how hard it must be, how she must resent not being able to see, but eun sang could never see in the first place so how did she know what she was missing? being blind was all she’d ever known, she just had to work a little harder sometimes.

she didn’t want or need anyone always looming over her or trying to make sure that she was safe. she could be safe all on her own, and after years of having strangers try and take care of her she preferred being on her own.

young do disagreed. everyone needed somebody, he learned that the hard way. why he had a strong urge to be that somebody for eun sang, he didn’t really know, but he liked her. he was drawn to her, he wanted to protect her.

“choi young do, this is completely unnecessary.” she grumbled while young do held her elbow loosely in his grip, “unnecessary? you almost fell down the stairs yesterday.”

eun sang rolled her eyes at the memory. young do had told her that she looked good for someone that got dressed in the dark, and she got so annoyed that she lost count of her steps just to reach out and try to hit any part of his body near her.

“you’re the one who made me lose count!” she pulled her elbow out of his grip to point in his direction when she said the word ‘you’. young do didn’t feel the need to correct her when her finger missed his entire body by a few inches. “you’re so annoying.”

young do let out one short laugh before grabbing her elbow again, gently moving her out of the way of an oncoming student.

she just wanted to do it on her own, she hated having to call chan young to come help her. he was supposed to be her friend, not her servant always there to help her when she needed it. she could do this on her own, she knows that. it just takes time, which is very annoying for eun sang.

after a short break and many deep breaths eun sang started again, whispering “you can do this.” to herself in hopes that she’d actually believe it. eventually, she’d learn, she had to. she didn’t really have any other choice, she’d have to learn to open her locker on her own just as she had to learn how to do everything else on her own.

after another failed attempt, she was leaning on the locker with her forehead pressed into the metal, debating whether or not she should cry or punch something.

“you look like you could use some help.” the almost unsettlingly deep voice came from behind her, and there was a hint of familiarity in it that she couldn’t quite place. even though there wasn’t any real use she turned to face him anyway, because that was the polite thing to do.

“i’m fine.” she muttered, not able to keep the anger from seeping into her tone. she hoped that maybe that would scare him off if he was the persistent type, but when she didn’t hear his heavy footsteps walking away she turned back to her locker, letting her hands find the lock again, “seriously. i’m fine. go away.”

quite frankly, eun sang was tired of strangers pitying her. tired of people offering help when they didn’t really mean it, tired of them viewing her as some poor helpless girl. she just wanted to figure things out for herself.

her anger didn’t seem to matter to this very persistent bystander though, because it was clear he wasn’t going away, so instead eun sang just pretended he wasn’t there and got to work again. her focus wasn’t all there though, and she knew that, her attention was divided between the lock and whoever the hell was breathing down her neck.

as she was about to tell him to leave again, he replaced her hands with his own on the lock, turning the knob quickly and undoing it in a few swift motions. “i’m choi young do, and you’re welcome.” his voice sounded smug, proud even, like he’d done his good deed for the day.

eun sang was so mad she didn’t even have the time to wonder how he knew her locker combination, “i didn’t want your help! you just ruined an entire week of practice, how do you expect me to learn if someone is always doing it for me?” in her fit of anger she raised her voice, something she seldom did in public places (when you were like eun sang, it was better not to draw attention to yourself) but she didn’t have the capacity to care at the moment.

“ya! do you know who i am? you should thank me.” he sounded insulted, and incredibly entitled and eun sang couldn’t stand it.

although everything in eun sang was telling her to be the better person she couldn’t stop herself from opening her mouth again, “i don’t care who you are, if your help isn’t wanted, it’s not really help at all. it’s just an inconvenience, and it’s rude.”