The 1975

The cruiser was silent, neither of you speaking a word to one another as you drove through the dusty Badlands. A high pitch ring sounding through your ears as you not to focus on the pounding of your heart thumping in your ears. The nausea resonating deep in your stomach rising to your chest, you closed your eyes to try and push back the feeling. Swallow it down, bite it back, anything. The affects of the last hour washing over your body. A captive to Roy Tillman and his son, you were to be a toy for Gator to play with, presumably until he got bored, you had heard how quickly his father ran through wives, you could only imagine his son would be the same. You were ruined, all you had ever hoped and dreamed of for a happy marriage and married life was being torn up in your face like a piece of paper. How long could you survive on the ranch, what would your life look like? Would Gator and Roy even grant you your freedom to leave if you wished? You highly doubted it. All the thoughts flooding your brain made the burning in your chest rise higher. You tasted the acid burning in the back of your throat.

“Gator, pull over please” you started undoing your belt. Gator looked to his left confused, this was the first time you’d spoken in over an hour, and now you’re trying to escape? He shook his head speeding up slightly, he wasn’t going to disappoint his father this time, he finally felt like he’d done something right. “Gator, I’m gonna throw up and unless you want me to puke all over your precious car, I suggest you pull over” his eyes went wide, lips curling with disgust, he slammed on his brakes, pulling the car over to the side of the road. You didn’t wait for the car to fully stop before opening the door and leaping onto all fours, bringing up the contents of your stomach, you wretched, eyes watering and throat stinging as you coughed up everything in your system. You sat back on your knees, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand taking in a breath as you looked out to the horizon.

The sun was setting behind the large expanse of the Badlands, you could see the wildlife roaming, the Bison in the far distance. It would have been a nice moment of refuge in any other circumstance. Gator made his way to your side of the cruiser, a water bottle clutched in his hand. He looked to the puddle of sick on the floor, then to you in your dishevelled state, his face dropped, he leaned down and brushed some hair away from your face, not missing the way you flinched as he as he brought his hand close to your face.

He sighed and handed the water bottle over to you. You take it apprehensively, before chugging it down. “Thanks” you nod to him. “C’mon, we gotta get back, can’t keep Roy waiting” he nods back to the car. You sigh and nod more to the ground than anything and sink back into the car, heading back to the Tillman ranch to seal your fate.

“Ah, there she is, was starting to think you tried to runaway, and that wouldn’t have been a very smart decision now would it darlin? What took so long?” As you step out of the cruiser you sensed the deep oppressive energy that surrounded the ranch, one you had missed the first time you stepped foot through the gates. You held your breath as Roy spoke and watched as he sat on the rocking chair on his porch, hat tipped forwards, cigar lit in one hand, half drunk whiskey in the other. He looked the epitome of a man in charge, the kind of man you don’t fuck with.

Gator came and stood next to you, placing a possessive arm around your waist, you felt him tug you closer to him and your breath escaped you, which made Gator smirk. “She got sick on the way, must not be used cars, she is always on her bike. Ain’t that right little lady?” you looked to Gator in confusion, who is still smirking pridefully, hand rubbing at your waist as if to show his father. Look what I have, she’s willing, I took what’s mine. “Well darlin, if you eventually wanna start leaving the ranch to come out with us as part of the family, you’ll have to get used to being driven round” Roy looked on disapprovingly. You opened your mouth to speak but were cut off. “Right now come on, Karen has made a lovely meal for us, don’t want it to go cold.” He gestured in doors, walking in before anyone could say anything else.

Gator took your hand and stood in front of you for a moment, he gave you a genuine smile, the one that you had been begging to see more of a few days ago, now the sight of it was making you feel sick all over again. Gator clocked the tears welling up in your eyes before you did, his hands coming to rest on your cheeks, and brush them away the second they spilled. “shhh, hey, hey, don’t cry. I don’t want you t’ be upset mama, this is a good thing really. My dad, he likes you. He wouldn’t be doing alla this if he didn’t. please, let’s jus try, we’ll be happy like a coupla days ago huh?” he kissed at your cheeks as tears fell, nuzzling his nose into the wet skin, breathing in salty smell of your skin.

You absentmindedly nuzzled your face closer to his without realising, the exhaustion and mental torment leaving for one moment as he brushed his soft plump lips over yours. You choked back a sob as you kissed him back, your arms tangling around him to rest at the base of his neck, fingers dragging through his hair. you kissed him as hard as you could pouring your anger out the only way you could, you pulled at the hair at the back of his head, Gator moaned into your mouth, hand slipping down from your face to your waist pulling your body flush with his, you could feel something hard pressing against you.

You gasp giving Gator the perfect opportunity to deepen the kiss, his hand reached further down, squeezing at the bottom of your back and groping your ass. He moaned into your mouth, low and satisfactory, his hips rocking forwards, your body went rigid, the sound bringing you back to reality. You released your grip of his locks and dropped down from your tiptoes. Gator chased your lips as you backed away from him, hungry and wanting more. You placed shaking fingers over his lips and pushed him back gently, eyes meeting his. Pupils blown out wide, focusing back on your own. You nodded your head towards the house and drew back a step reaching your hand out for him to take, a silent invitation he was not going to turn down.

You took in a deep breath once more before entering the house. Allowing Gator to lead you through the house into the kitchen. The house was dark and ridged as if the life had too been sucked out from within it. You couldn’t possibly imagine anyone living here happily. There sat at a perfectly set table was Roy at the head, his wife Karen beside him you assumed, to his left, to his right two twin daughters patiently waiting with arms in their laps and polite, expectant smiles on their faces.

There were two more places, one at the other end of the table and one beside Karen. “May I wash my hands before we eat sir?” you met Roys eye who sat tapping his fingers against his place matt, you had a feeling if you kept him waiting any longer you’d be in for a punishment but if you didn’t wash away the grime on your hands you knew you wouldn’t be able to eat anything. He sighed, face turning stern before nodding over to the sink. You made a quick but thorough job of cleaning away the grime and made your way back to the table, taking your ‘place’ next to Gator.

The family simultaneously extended their hands, you apprehensively took Karen and Gators before Roy led you all in his own wicked version of grace. “We thank you Lord for the blessing of this bountiful meal, thank you for your guidance, and teaching our women to be patient and obedient” your eyes were closed but you could feel the sting of Roys glare piercing through your shut eyes. “Thank you for bringing my son a beautiful and faithful Christian girl, to join us at our table, and soon to take his hand and be his wife” you heard the small gasps of the children and heard a commotion as theirs arms shook knocking their cutlery to the floor. “Girls, manners, not during grace” you refused to open your eyes and acknowledge any of it. If Roy wanted you to play the obedient little housewife that’s exactly what you were going to give him. Anything to do to get by, survive.

“I also want to thank you for the life and hard work of Fred L/N, he was a good man, he will be remembered, Amen” when you opened your eyes you saw the smirk splayed across Roys face, you knew he was saying anything he could to try and make you crack, but you wouldn’t give in. “Amen” you chimed in, nodding your head, Gator gave your hand a gentle squeeze, thumb brushing the knuckle before releasing you to reach for his cutlery.

You mainly ate in silence apart from the occasional probing question from the twins, who’s names you had learned were Jessica and Maude. “Are you gonna be our sister?” “are you gonna live here with us forever?” “when are you getting married?” “can we be bridesmaids?” and “Are you and Gator gonna have a baby?!” from Maude which made you choke on the sip of water you were drinking at the time, coughing it down trying to regain some composure. Roy had answered all the questions for the girls making your heart sink, his answers ‘yes, yes, in about a week, you’d make the best bridesmaids and oh absolutely they’ll be having a baby’ making your heart fall into your stomach and the food you’d eaten slowly rise back up your chest. You felt the colour drain from your face and the room start to spin. “May I be excused, I just need some air” you felt your words slur as you spoke, head feeling heavy as you looked up pleading to Roy, he cocked his head raising a brow. “sure darlin, but don’t be too long, you gotta clear up after all” he sent you a wink which sent shivers down your spine.

As you stood, chair scraping across the wooden floor you made your way out the room towards the front door and heard Roy say something to Gator along the lines of ‘go make sure she don’t do nothing stupid’ you opened the front door and sat down on the porch floor, breathing in the cold night air, skin prickling with goosebumps. You tilt your head to the sky and tried to slow your breathing. Behind you Gator watched you for a moment, half surprised you hadn’t tried to take off, half relived to see you sat down, but a part if him was torn to see you so broken. You were always light. Untouchable, delicate and whole, and now all of sudden you were curled up laboured breathing, trying your hardest not to breakdown, looking as if nothing he could do would ever fix you again.

He came and sat behind you, pulling you to lay back against him, your back against his chest. “Hey mama, I know it’s been a shit day, but I’ll make it up to ya okay, I’ll make it right baby” he hummed into your hair, arms wrapping around you, swaying from side to side gently, he pressed kisses into your hair. you were far to exhausted to fight him, kick and scream your way out like you wanted to. Tell him he was crazy. He killed your father a few hours ago and now at dinner his father is telling his younger sisters they were going to be bridesmaids at your wedding in a weeks time. If you had any fight left you’d reach for the gun strapped to his thigh and aim for his head, but you didn’t so you sat back and let him hold you. “want me to take you over to our place?” you looked up at him then, curiously.

You looked back at the looming presence of the Tillman house. “You don’t live in there?” you asked quietly, your voice scratchy from the screaming and crying you’d done today. He shook his head and pointed off into the distance. “I got my own house, converted a barn a few years ago so I could have my own space, figured I’d get married one day and she’d live there with me…” His voice trailed off, and he pressed another kiss to your head, this time landing on your temple. The feel of his lips on your skin sent a shiver through your body. “I have to go back and clea-” You were cut off before you could finish. “I’ll text Karen ta do it. She won’t mind. I’ll say you were exhausted and I wanted to show you yer new home.” “I-” “No arguing with me, c’mon, mama.” Gator pulled you to your feet and led you back towards his cruiser.

You reached the car and slid inside, the short ride across the property easing the tension in your chest. Gator pulled up to the barn conversion, a place you would no doubt be calling home for the foreseeable future. The blue cladding, huge sliding barn doors, and a wraparound porch would have been your dream house if it were situated anywhere else other than Tillman Ranch. The barn looked out of place, as if it were too bright, too colourful to be here. You could picture how beautiful it could be with your touch. A few potted plants, flowers, and a hedge. Privacy, even. It could be the perfect safe haven. You could make it work. You didn’t know if you’d be allowed the freedom to do such a thing, but you’d try. You took a step towards the house, hearing Gator open the trunk of his car, pull your bags from the back, and walk towards you.

“Welcome home, mama”

Two days later. You had survived two days at the ranch. You feel as if you have been floating outside your body the entire time, an absentminded consciousness watching as you wander around, refusing to feel a single thing. The vessel that was your body stayed awake on the couch each night, staring at the light fixture on the ceiling , until the sun rose through the windows again. Gator would yawn as he shuffled down the stairs and ask “did you sleep well mama?” you would simply nod and continue to stare off into space. He had begged you the first night to come to bed with him, only relenting when you told him you would share a bed when you were his wife. The resounding fact that it would only be a few days away allowed the dread to sink further into your body.

It was late afternoon and Gator was away at work, leaving you to take care of the household chores. You were happily surprised upon entering the barn to find that Gator wasn’t a complete pig. The open plan structure of the downstairs had exposed timber trusses stretching overhead, like ribs of some great wooden ship. Honey coloured beams crossed the space, catching the glow of the warm lights that hung at different heights. A wall of red brick rose at one end of the room, home to a large hearth and fireplace. Light pooled across the polished floorboards. You didn’t take Gator for an interior designer but the interior of the barn was warm, welcoming and well designed. The polar opposite to his father’s cold unloving house at the other end of the property.

The living area flowed effortlessly into the dining space without a single wall to interrupt the view. The sofa was surprisingly comfortable, a large L-shaped couch and matching armchairs all faced inwards of the fireplace, a large flatscreen TV hanging on the wall above the fire. The kitchen was sleek, light marble worktops and golden wooden cabinets to match the timber beams that flowed through the house. A large island with a fruit bowl sat pristine in the middle. And a dining table that sat four but extended to six, a deep mahogany with matching chairs, all tucked around it neatly. Along the front wall stood, sliding barn doors, crafted from richly stained timber.

The upstairs, though you had not explored it much held four rooms. A bathroom, with neatly occupied wooden shelves on the wall, a clawfoot bathtub, a large rainfall shower, twin sinks, which sat upon wooden cabinets with matching marble countertops, as the kitchen, and stone-tiled floors. An office which Gator kept locked for the majority, a ‘spare room’ where Gator had piled several unopened boxes and his bedroom. The large handmade double bed, stood on the backwall centre of the room, two matching bedside tables on either sides with lamps a top. You could tell Gator favoured the right side due to a collection of personal belongings discarded there. A pen, a watch, a few dollar bills and a small pocket Bible… Interesting. What did make you want to dry heave however was the pair of handcuffs attached to his headboard, left dangling there like a trophy. You had never been remotely intimate with a man, apart from kissing Gator, and now you come to find out that he had most likely done the most ungodly things with women in what was supposed to become your marital bed. The thought sickened you. How many women had he been with? It was a question you feared the answer to.

You collected the clothes from the wash bin in the corner of Gato- your room, folding them into a ball before carrying them downstairs. Unashamedly glaring at the cuffs before you exited the room, heading for the stairs.

Once the wash was on, you started on dinner. Deciding on just making spaghetti. The pan was preheating on the hob, you poured a generous amount of olive oil, followed by chopped onions and crushed garlic letting it simmer, you felt yourself fallback into autopilot as you cooked. Your body following movements before your brain had given you the signal. You were midway through with dinner, not realising Gator had come through the door until you felt his strong arms wrap around you from behind. Resting his head atop yours, peppering kisses into your hair. You jumped awake slightly as you felt him give you a tight squeeze, realising how far you had got done with cooking without being conscious was concerning; you could have burned this place to the ground. An intriguing thought.

“Smells so good mama, I missed ya t’day” his head fell from the top of yours and nestled into your neck, he inhaled sharply, gliding his lips over your neck, kissing over and over again, the kisses becoming wet, open-mouthed, his tongue dragging across your soft skin. “Gator-” you stiffened, your body rigid against Gators yearning one, pulling you nearer, craving more. You felt that hardness again pressing into the roundness of your ass, his arms encompassing low on your stomach to keep you pinned tightly back against him. His hot breath was loud in your ear, practically panting; he rutted his hips forward, grinding his hardness against the fat of your ass, moaning in your ear. His teeth bit down on the joint of your neck and shoulder, tongue sucking inwards, a pressure you were unfamiliar with. You yelped, struggling with his grip once more. Hands attempting to pry his arms from their latch around you. “Gator, please you’re hurting me” your plea fell on deaf ears, he rutted against you again, one hand wandering across your torso taking hold around your throat, giving it a light squeeze, the other making its way downwards. You squeezed your eyes shut. Blocking out the feeling of hands, lips, teeth, breath, unwanted, everywhere.

His fingers reached the bottom of your dress below your knees, hiking it up at the front until his hand landed at the top of the cotton underwear you were wearing.

You braced yourself as his fingers began to dip below the waistband. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, the blaring sound of the fire alarm tore through you. Saved by the bell. Gator released you. “Fuck” he grabbed a tea towel, wafting the air to get rid of the smoke rising. You turned off the hob and threw the contents of the pan into the bin, scratching the blackened tomatoes from the bottom of the pan with a spatula before taking the pan wordlessly to the sink to wash up. “I’m sorry mama, I got carried away there fer a second, didn’t mean to ruin your nice dinner” You felt anger boil inside you, the culmination of two days with no sleep, mental anguish and grief all washing over you at once. You threw the pan into the sink with a loud clatter making Gator jump, he turned to you stunned.

“Shut up, Gator!” you rubbed your hands over your face, a laugh escaping you, hysterical and uncontrollable, you don’t know what came over you. He stood there wide-eyed and confused. Still hard in his cargo pants as he watched you cackle to yourself. “You’re not sorry. You would have left me die if you were sorry! You wouldn’t continue to force yourself on me, if you were sorry. I can’t believe I ever believed you were a good man. You’re evil. I hate you. I want you to know that. I’m not here because I want to be, I’m here because your daddy decided I could be yours, like some toy. And just because I’m here, don’t mean you can put your hands on me without permission.” You both stood there in silence for a moment; Gator watched as tears welled in your eyes. He took a step forwards, lifting his hand slightly, you stepped back instantly back hitting the counter, he retreated, his head dropping, eyebrows furrowed. Wordlessly you passed him and ran upstairs, reaching the bathroom where you slammed the door shut, turning the lock. You ran to the sink, turning the cold tap on and splashing your face, trying to cool off the burning anger from inside you.

You looked into the mirror and saw a harsh purple bruise kissed into your neck, you touched it with the tip of your finger hissing at the sting. You let the tears roll down your face freely then sinking down onto the cold tiles, leaning back against the cabinets. You heard the stairs creak from the hallway and the distinct sound of Gators heavy footsteps reach the door, he tapped the door with his knuckles, hesitating before calling out. “Y/n, can I come in?” he tapped again. You rested your head against your knees watching the locked door with tears rolling down and dripping to the floor. “Go away” You swallowed down the lump in your throat as you spoke, hearing him huff and stomp down the hall and back down the stairs. You could make out the sound of the barn doors sliding open and closing again, your body automatically relaxing at the thought of being alone.

At some point you had fallen asleep crying on the tiled floor, a small puddle had formed under the skin of your cheek resting against the floor. You awoke to the sun streaming through the large window in the bathroom, warming the tiles. Your body felt stiff from the unconventional bed you’d found yourself in for the night. You pulled yourself from the floor and unlocked the door, peaking your head outside to listen for the sound of Gator. Silence. Good. You crept from the bathroom into the bedroom, retrieving some fresh clothes from the chest of drawers, which Gator has designated as yours. You went back to the bathroom and ran a bath, turning the hot tap up particularly high, steam fogging up the room instantly; the mirrors clouded and dripped with condensation. You stepped into the bath; your skin reddened at the heat, dunking yourself completely head to toe, you stayed underwater like a punishment until your lungs burned and you couldn’t stand the pain anymore. Coming up for air, you gasped air back into your lungs, water spilling over the edge; your vision was blurred. You sank back to rest against the back of the tub, relaxing for a moment before you cleaned away the dirt and thought of Gators hands and lips all over you last night.

You washed your hair and scrubbed your body over and over until it was red raw, and you were sure there were no remnants of his unwanted touch left on your skin. You got out of the bath, towelling your hair dry, dressing in fresh clothes, opting for leggings and an oversized knit jumper. He wouldn’t have easy access to you, at least not in your mind. You went downstairs and stilled on the middle step, finding Gator there in the living room, casually dressed, holding the largest bunch of wildflowers you think you’ve ever seen. His head hung low, but his gaze was on you, watching you carefully. You continued down the stairs slowly, taking note of the hopeful glint in his eyes as you approached him. You stayed a safe distance away, and eyed the flowers in his hands, a vibrant mix of your favourite wildflowers you could tell he had picked from the near the creek you loved to sit by. Blanketflowers, prairie lilies, white prairie clovers, yellow stars, blazing stars and so many more. He extended the bunch to you shyly, you noticed the yellow ribbon tying them all together and the delicate bow that was slightly lopsided. Your brows furrowed as you accepted the gift, taking them from his grip, his fingers brushing against yours. You hated to admit, but a small zing of energy flowed through you when the tips of his fingers touched yours, much a like the very first time you met.

You tipped your face forwards to inhale the scent of the flowers, the floral and woodland scent, smelling like home. “Thank you” you smiled, not fully, but enough for him to know you’re grateful. “I uh, I wanted to apologize to you. Fer everything” he scratched the back of his neck, shaking his head, looking to the floor. “You don’t ha-” “No, respectfully I do. C’mon baby, take a seat with me, I gotta talk ta ya properly” he gestured towards the couch. You both took a seat, you placed the flowers down onto the coffee table, curling your legs underneath you and facing him fully.

“I know you will probably never forgive me, or my dad for what we’ve done to you, but I wanna try and make you happy… Eventually at least, I know we kinda built a little something up before I ruined it all, I’d like for us to get back to that. I wanna be a good husband ta you. I wanna be the man that you rely on like ya relied on your daddy, I ain’t saying I’m tryna replace him or nothin, but I want you to want to come to me. Do you think that’s something we could do?” he looked at you with so much vulnerability, it hurt. You thought for a moment, if you wanted Gator to trust you enough to ever let you off the property for any chance of escape, you’d inevitably have to give in. You nodded slowly and looked up to meet his eyes.

“I just got one request” you offered. He perked up, shuffling towards you. “Anything, Mama” he smiled softly. “I want a grave for my daddy, or a plant, or something, somewhere I can go to sit and be with him nearby?” he regarded you for a moment. Nose twitching as he thought hard. “Done, I’ll build ya a pergola, and we can plant a nice rose or something, and then we can watch it grow over it together, sound good?” The thought made your heart skip a beat, his willingness to build something to remember your father, and plant roots to watch ‘grow’ together made you soften for a second.

The realisation that your father’s murderer would be the one building his memorial came a second later and your heart skipped another beat. “Yeah, I think that uh sounds nice, he would love it” you stumbled over your own words as you spoke them. “Great, yeah, great, I’ll do it tomorrow, I uh took a few days off so we could spend some time together” he nodded to himself. You stayed silent at the comment and stared off, looking intently at the flowers on the table. He stared at you for a moment, watching how your gaze was fixated on the flowers, “can I give you a hug?” He asked almost scared of the answer. You turned back to him and gave him a small nod.

His body moved eagerly towards you, enveloping his arms around your waist scooping you so you were sitting in his lap, your legs draped across him to sit at your side, he leaned back into the couch and pulled gently with him. His arms stroking up and down the expanse of your back. You allowed yourself to relax into him, resting your head back to lean against his shoulder. He shuffled to the side and reached for the tv remote, turning on the discovery channel displaying some nature documentary about orangutans. You settled into each other and got cozy. His fingers occasionally playing with the ends of your hair and stroking down your back. You had to admit you felt a sense of safety and comfort in some sick way being held like this in his arms. The day passed with the pair of you bundled up on the sofa, not really speaking much other than sharing the odd passing comment about the show that was playing. His hands caressing you, careful and polite, like they had been all those months before. He had even stollen a kiss before the pair of you fell asleep in each others arms on the couch as if you had a hundred times before. Your anguish slowly washing away, for today at least.

One week later.

Roy Tillman had told you the day you arrived you would be married in a week. He didn’t derive from his word, although he did give you a few extra days to prepare, allowing you to marry at the coming weekend rather than a random Tuesday. You would be married tomorrow, a bright spring Saturday morning in May. Karen was bringing you a dress today to try on while Gator was at work, you wouldn’t see him tonight, he was staying in the main house with his father and a few ranch hands to have a drink while you Karen and the girls stayed in the barn. You looked forwards to the girl time, and the chance to get to know Karen more you supposed but the thought of being locked in with them for the night was still unsettling, what if she was as psychotic as Roy.

She arrived with the girls before dinner with a large dress bag in her arms. Jessica carrying a bouquet of orange Lillie’s, Maude carrying a shoe box. They were all smiles as they entered the house, an excited buzz filling the air. “There she is, our blushing bride, you excited?!” Karen beamed as she walked over to you, laying the dress bag over the counter wrapping her arms around you in a hug. Her embrace was warm and kind, the exact kindness you needed in a moment like this to steal away your anxiety.

“More nervous than anything, but I’m sure it’ll pass” you smile nervously, as she squeezed you tight, hand patting your back as if to say, ‘it’s okay, I’ve been there, it will all be okay’ she pulled back and nodded at you. “Wanna try on your dress?” She wagged her eyebrows suggestively making you giggle. You nodded and followed her upstairs to the bedroom where she unzipped the bag. She pulled the dress and veil from the bag and held the dress up to you. You took in a breath, it was beautiful. Simple, elegant.

It was a corseted A line dress, beaded at the neckline with off the shoulder long cuffed sleeves. The skirt of the dress flowed in satin with embroidered flowers and a train. It was perfect. The sheer veil she held up beside piecing the whole ensemble together. Karen turned around as you undressed, you stood in the dress, holding it to your chest and let out an ‘eh hem’ when you were ready to be buttoned up. Karen turned around and smiled, walking to your back, you felt her pinning each button into place, when she reached the top she smoothed out your shoulders and came to stand in front of you once more. “Wow”

She had tears in her eyes. Blinking them away as she took you in. “You look beautiful, Gator is a lucky man. And you. You are also lucky… you have to understand that.” She lowered her voice, taking a step forwards to take your hands in hers. “Roy doesn’t accept just anyone into his family, that title has to be earned, so you musta done something mighty brave. I don’t know what happened. That’s not my place. My place is to stand by my husband and be obedient, speak when spoken to, love him through his faults, that will be your roll too. But you can be happy here, there’s light in Gator, he’s not like his father, I’ve seen it, when Roy hit- when Roy is upset with me and Gator is around, he steps in, takes a beating. Gator won’t hurt you. And Roy, if you can learn your place, he won’t either…” her sudden outburst chilled you to the bone. You didn’t have words to reply so you just wrapped your arms around her. A silent acknowledgement, an understanding of sorts, we’ll look out for one another.

Once you were redressed you returned downstairs to the girls and ordered a pizza, deciding to watch a Disney movie, the perfect bachelorette in your eyes. The girls were a little too eager to tell you how they had been with their big brother to pick your favourite flowers for your wedding bouquet and he had helped make your bunch and fashioned smaller bunches of wildflowers for them to carry, matching the bunch of flowers sat in a vase on your coffee table. The squeeze in your chest at the admission that Gator had made your wedding bouquet settled the ever growing anxiety building in your body. You all ended up asleep on the couch, covered in blankets, you and Karen each with a girl cuddled into your sides, if all evenings felt like this, maybe you could learn to exist here.

Morning rose slowly, sun breaking through the beams of the barn house, warming your body as you slept wrapped in the blanket on the sofa. Remnants of the night before strewn around the room, the empty glasses and pizza boxes on the coffee table. Soft snores filled the room. your face smushed into the cushion of the sofa, you awoke gently, taking in the room. Maude cuddled into your side, her mouth ajar, drool slipping from the side onto your pyjamas. You carefully removed yourself from the sofa, laying her backdown, and began to tidy away the mess from the night before. Already becoming the perfect housewife, brilliant. You thought to yourself, while cleaning the kitchen counters you noticed Karen wake, stretching her arms over her head, looking around the room for you. When she spotted you she smiled, joining you in the kitchen, putting the clean washing up away in the cabinets.

"Are you ready to start getting ready soon?" Karen turned to you, small smile on her face. "Uh yeah I suppose, I should huh" you sighed apprehensively. "You go up and take a nice shower, and I'll wake the girls" she nodded towards the stairs. You followed her instructions, feet padding one after the other up the stairs into the bathroom. Once you were freshly clean and dried you entered your bedroom and found new underwear had been laid out on the bed for you. You picked up the garments with shaky hands inspecting them, small satin ivory underwear with a delicate pink rose at the front, gathered seams and playful ruffles. The matching balcony strapless bra with a matching rose to accent the glossy cups felt feminine and chic. You brushed the fabric against your cheek, feeling its softness against your skin before slipping the garments on. Next to it on the bed was a matching Ivory silk robe, you pull your arms through, wrapping the robe around you tight, tying a bow in the front.

You walk back down the stairs and hear the commotion of the girls singing 'going to the chapel' very loud and very much off key, you would have found the entire situation jarring if they hadn't been so sweet. Karen meets your eyes again and her face lights up. "You found everything okay then? I wanted to buy you something special to wear... underneath as a surprise, hope it's not too much" She looks at you expectantly and gestures down to your robe. "No, no, It's not too much... They're beautiful actually, I've never had anything like this before so umm... Thank you" you fumbled over your words slightly, face reddening. "It's not trouble, sweetie. Now come and sit, I'll do your hair and make up" stepping towards the kitchen counter you saw her set up, hair curlers, straighteners, brushes, combs, hair pins, delicate little pearl drop clips, some makeup spread out, she was a woman prepared. "You really don't have to..." you trailed off.

"Nuh uh, if Roy Tillman wants a show, we're gonna give him the best fucking show he's ever seen, now come on" she winked and helped you sit down at the island counter.

The bells of the church chimed on the hour as you approached. When you dreamed about your wedding day growing up you never pictured being driven there in the backseat of a pickup truck, of the man you had sentenced your father to die. Or that, that very man had taken it upon himself to be your designated father figure and give you away, as 'No young lady should walk fatherless down the isle' As if he was some second righteous hand of God, delivering himself onto you as a good deed. He could go to Hell. You twirled the cross hanging around your neck in between your fingers, allowing each point to dig into a different part of your hand, you felt a point pierce the skin of your pointer finger, a ball of crimson rising in a spot, you dropped the cross to lay flat back against your chest and drew your finger to your lips, sucking the blood from the wound. The truck pulled to an abrupt stop outside the church. The bells ringing their final chimes, usually the sound of bells brought such joy, a day to spend giving thanks, and listening to the good news, sharing stories and being of fellowship with those who shared your faith. Today the sound rooted the deep fear of entrapment within you, the sound that would commence the start of your new life, kept within the confinements of The Tillman Ranch.

The truck door clicked open, Roy stood in front of you cocky smirk, admiring the work of his wife. He thought privately about keeping you for himself for a brief moment, until the excited squeals of his twin daughters tore him from his dark thoughts. "Doesn't she look pretty daddy" Jessica pulled at her fathers trouser leg begging for his attention. "She does indeed, like God sent an angel" his eyes never left yours, something dark and dangerous hidden in them. You get out the car Karen stepping in front of Roy to fix your veil over your face, the sheen fabric draping across you to sit at your waist, trailing behind you, it flows faintly to the floor, past the length of your dress, the embroidered edge sitting perfectly at the edge of your dress. "You look, beautiful" her last smile was serious, not the same bright smile she showed you when you were alone, she was more reserved now she was in the presence of her keeper. That much is noted. She turned away and walked into the church, the doors heavy closing behind her.

Roy turned to you then and held out an arm for you to take, you hesitated, before lightly wrapping your hand around his bicep. You felt your breath start to shake as you neared the church. "Cheer up darlin, this is a happy occasion, you'd do well to remember that" Roy sneered in your ear as you approached the door. Two of his ranch handlers opened the doors, nodding to you, however not meeting your eye, they all knew their place. Jessica and Maude stepped in first, you heard the organ playing the dreary tune of 'hear comes the bride' the little girls practically skipping down the isle blissfully unaware of your impending doom. You eyed the pews left to right, all seats filled with ranch workers and their families, members of the congregation, the scene feeling as if you were being inducted into some sick cult. A lamb to the slaughter. Your breath quickened, your hands were shaking, your chest rising and falling so fast it felt as if you might explode.

You saw him then. Gator. Stood at the alter. Suit trousers, shined shoes, a white dress shirt paired with a bolo tie, suit jacket to match his dress pants and pinned in the pocket of his jacket an orange lily. To match the flowers he had picked for you himself. He took you in as you drew nearer and his eyes pricked with tears. You were a vision, he could see you shaking through your veil, all he wanted was to step forwards and take you into his arms. But now was not the time, now was about duty.

"Who gives away this woman to be married?" the priest steps forward as you reach the altar. Roy steps forward, pleased with himself as ever. "I do, father" he bows his head, and takes a step back, taking his place in the front row next to Karen and the girls. Gator extends his hand for you then, you shakily accept it and take a step towards him, he smiles at you calmly, thumb brushing against your knuckles to calm you down as the priest began his speech. You usually looked forwards to every word that would come out of the mans mouth but today all you wanted was for him to hurry up. "Dearly beloved... we are gathered here in the sight of God to witness the joining together of this man and woman in holy matrimony"

He began to read from the bible passages from Corinthians and Genesis about love, creation and marriage, commitment, he droned on. You felt your anxiety peaking. Gator stepped closer, not enough for your audience to notice, but enough for you to feel his presence more. His hand squeezed yours "Hey, you're gonna be okay, I got ya okay mama" you met his eyes through the veil, brown eyes swirling with concern, his brown pinching together. He continued to rub his thumb over the back of your hand slowly, settling your nerves. "You look so beautiful, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I can't believe you're mine" he whispered more to himself shaking his head in disbelief. You took in a shaky breath, closing your eyes, turning your head as you heard the priest acknowledge the pair of you.

"Will you Gator Tillman, have this woman to be your wife, to live together in marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live?" The pastor looked down at the pair of you expectantly, Gators response was quick, sure and assertive. "I do" he repeated the same passage for you and stared down at you with equal assertive measure. Even the priest was a part of this, great. Your response was shaky and quiet, not as bold as Gators "yes, I, um, I do" you hung your head low as you spoke the words. Gator took both of your hands in his for the declaration.

"I Gator Tillman take you Y/n L/n to be my wedded wife. to have to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part" his voice wavered staring fondly into your eyes through the blanket of your veil. You repeated the same vows keeping your eyes on Gator, feeling his hand squeeze yours a fraction tighter with every declaration you made.

Roy stepped forwards with the rings handing the bands to the both of you. His eyes narrowed as they met yours, nodding his lips curled into a smirk. "With this ring I wed thee, with my body I honour thee, and all that I am I give to thee, and all that I have I share with thee." Gator slipped a small delicate wedding band around your ring finger, the gold ring caught under the candle light, small diamond stars encrusted into the band. You held his ring between your own fingers, much larger than your own, to accommodate his large fingers, a plain gold band. You pushed the band onto his wedding finger repeating the words quietly back to him, it was a declaration for him to hear, not anyone else. The priest however wanted everyone to hear as his voice bellowed through the chapel "Those whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder... Gator, you may kiss your bride" he turned to Gator and gave a single nod of his head.

Gator, reached for the bottom of your veil, lifting it steadily revealing your face, his smile dropped slightly when he noticed the stream of tears falling from your eyes. He cautiously moved the veil to sit at the back of your head, one hand coming to cup your cheek, the other resting gently on your waist. He pulled you to him and pecked at your lips, he tasted the salt from your tears and the shakiness of your breath as he moved against you. The room around you erupted into cheers, clapping and hollering at the sight before them. The beautiful doomed bride and the groom who had finally secured his plaything, all thanks to his daddy. You heard Roys obnoxious slow clap above the others. Booming through the room, he whistled through his teeth shouting 'that's my boy' as if this was the first thing Gator had gotten right in his life.

He withdrew and smiled at you, nodding his head reassuringly, you walked back down the aisle hand in hand, not daring to look back at the man who had orchestrated your captivity.

As your wedding night drew nearer the two glasses of wine you had consumed did little to calm your ever-growing nerves. Roy threw a lavish party on the ranch, tables set up outdoors, with candles, flowers, and enough food and drink to feed an army. He sat in the middle of the long table next to Gator telling everybody how proud he was of his son, how he met a fine wife, and he was sure he would break her in tonight. The men at the table roared laughing at his passing sexist comments, sharing whiskey and cigars, like your virginity being stollen from you was their prize to be won.

‘Tell us all about it Gator’

‘I bet she makes the sweetest sounds’

 ‘you can tell just by lookin at her’

 ‘I wanna know if she bleeds’  

The group of men all spoke over each other, practically drooling to get a lick in at the grooms’ new virgin bride, like a pack of hungry wolves praying on an innocent lamb. Gator wouldn’t admit it to them or his father but he found them all disgusting. Begging for gory details after your wedding night. He promised you he would try and be better. He watched you across the yard, sat alone at a table, sipping a glass of wine, occasionally smearing the tears away from your face with the back of your hand. Your veil blowing in the wind. You looked every part tragic as you did beautiful. This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life, most girls dream about their wedding day, why couldn’t he make you happy? Gators brow twitched, he scooted back on his chair, the feet scraping against the dirt. “Excuse me gentleman, I wanna dance with my wife” the rowdy men cheered again, wolf whistling and banging their hands on the table like a group of apes.

Gator came to stand in front you; you rolled your eyes as you felt his presence, looking up at him. “Can I help you, dear husband, want me to shine your shoes, or whatever the hell it is I’m supposed to do around here?” your sarcasm hit him hard, straight through his chest like a punch. He raised his brows and cocked his head to the side and sassed back “You can actually, I want my wife to dance with me” he held his hand out towards you, sincerity in his eyes as you looked into them. You huffed, lifting your glass to your mouth downing the rest of the wine. A stream of the liquid pouring down the side of your mouth and chin. You wobbled as you stood, Gators arms wrapping around your waist to secure you “woah easy there girl” he breathed out a laugh. “I’m not a horse Gator, don’t talk ta me like I’m your pet!” you pushed your arms against his chest. He stood back stunned that you would have this fight with him in broad day light, in front of his friends and his fathers watchful eye. Clearly the alcohol in your system had made you brave. “Okay, I’m sorry mama, I jus wanna dance with you, is all” he tilted his head to the side, tugging you closer to him.

You walked a few steps out to the makeshift dancefloor where a band were playing soft slow country songs, the singer smiling as he sang ‘For the good times’ Ray Price. Wrapping your arms around Gators shoulders, you laid your head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat steadily, almost thumping in tune to the song, his hands rested on your hips, pulling your body flush with his. He swayed the pair of you side to side in time with the song, his head leaning down to rest on top of yours, you stayed there for what felt like eternity, wrapped up in each other, forgetting the world around you. You pulled your head back to look into his eyes, big brown, gleaming, puppy dog eyes begging to be forgiven. The sloping nose that looked as though it had been carved by God himself, two beautifully plump lips that wettened as his tongue skated over them. Moles that littered his skin like tiny celestial charts, the more you stared, the more you found and the more you wanted to plant a kiss on each and every one. You sighed taking in his beauty, smoothing out the shirt under your fingers, he had removed his jacket a few songs ago, loosing the bolo tie too, undoing the top two buttons of his dress shirt, chest hair peaking out to say hello, the sight and feeling as you ran your hands down the front of his shirt made feel something uncertain. A feeling you hadn’t felt before. Low in your stomach, a fire, it confused you, the Devil had his hooks in you deep, sinking his teeth into your flesh and you were giving in, a moth to the flame.

You looked into Gators eyes again, only for a second before leaning in. Your lips met soft and slow moving in time with the music, you gripped the hair at the back of his head for leverage with one hand, the other moving to his cheek, thumb caressing over beauty marks kissing his cheek. He hummed into your mouth, pulling you impossibly closer by your hips, arms tightening around your waist, traveling the expanse of your back. You tested the waters, opening your mouth for him, he did not waste a second before sliding his tongue into your mouth, exploring, tasting the wine you’d been drinking, feeling the softness of your lips combined with your inexperienced tongue. He guided your movements, give and take curiosity peaking, you pulled his bottom lip between your teeth biting onto it gently, his fingers dug into you through your dress and he groaned. Pulling back, he breathed in a sharp breath, opening his eyes to look at you with wide eyes. “Wanna get outta here?” he smiled as he noted the sparkle in your eye, one he had not seen for a while. “That’s the best thing you’ve said all day” you laughed, biting your bottom lip, Gators hands dropped down and squeezed your hips, taking your hand and taking off in a run in the direction of your shared house.

You stepped through the doors of the barn, noticing it was considerably cleaner than when you left this morning, Karen must have come back and cleaned, you would have to thank her when you saw her again. You squealed as you felt your feet being swept from underneath you, your arms wrapping around Gators neck, “What are you doing!” you gawked as you looked down at the ground. “I forgot to carry you through the threshold, I’ll take ya up to the bedroom instead, that okay?” he laughed at your confusion, he pecked your nose as you nodded, smile replacing your scrunched up expression, you giggled and held on tight as he bound up the stairs, he stood outside the bedroom door, pushing it open with his foot. You gasped as he walked through the doorway, the bedroom was definitely not how you left it. The usual bedsheets replaced with pristine white ironed sheets, candles had been lit all round the room, the smell of vanilla and coconut wafting through the air. The handcuffs on the headboard were gone. Thank you Karen. And a trail of white rose petals lead to the bed. Gator steadily dropped you to the floor, standing behind you, his hands caressed your hips as you took in the sight of the room, your breathing levelled out after a moment. You felt Gator work to undo the veil from its grasp in your hair, tugging it free lightly, and placing it over the chest of drawers, he took time, freeing your hair from the pins, allowing the curls to fall free down your back and frame you face. He brushed his fingers through your hair, taking a strand between his fingers bringing it to his face to inhale the scent, breathing in the floral fragrance, he nestled his face into the crook of your neck, placing a gentle kiss. You closed your eyes tilting your head to the side allowing him the room to kiss around your neck. His lips pressed feather light touches into your skin, a stark comparison to the last time he’d had you in this position. You willed yourself to get lost in the feeling of his warm lips softly making their way around your neck, settling behind your ear where he planted a wet open mouthed kiss, a gasp escaping you. His arms encasing your waist, feeling over the silky fabric of your dress, he laid his hand flat over your stomach keeping you pinned tightly against him, you could feel the effect it was having on him already, his neediness, hard and pressing up against you through his dress trousers. His lips moved again, his tongue licking a stripe from the base of your neck to your ear before blowing on it, the sensation pulling the air from your lungs. He took a step back holding you by the hips, he looked at the back of your dress as if it stood in the way of the only thing he’s ever truly wanted in his life.

You looked behind you over your shoulder and gave him a single nod of approval. His hands shook as they raised to the first button, making quick work of undoing each one, he pulled the fabric from your back and took your hand helping you step out of the heavy garment, it’s then he comes to stand in front of you and take in the form of you in your wedding lingerie. Like a pretty little present wrapped up just for him. He forgets to breath for a moment and just stands there staring with his mouth ajar. You almost feel awkward until you watch the way his eyes rake over your body and his mouth keeps falling open and closed. Apparently, underwear was a powerful thing. Thank you again Karen. You reached forwards for him this time, both sharing a nervous breath before you kiss him. You open your mouth from the beginning this time and slide your tongue into his mouth, accepting his when he pushes his back into yours, you jump at the feeling of his hands on your skin, warm and firm, they land on your waist, but slowly start their exploration, he feels his way across your hips, squeezing at the curvature before making his way back round to the bottom of your back. His hands almost feel apprehensive as they wander further south, creeping to the roundness of your bum, giving the cheeks a gentle squeeze, unwillingly you moan into his mouth, a sound he wants to hear a thousand times over. He pulled back, lips turning up in a smirk, “You like that?” he rested his head against yours as he squeezed again, another involuntary sound creeping its way through your pipes, “What about this mama” he smacked your left cheek lightly your legs clamping together for some unknown reason as a gasp ripped through you. You looked up at him, deep red blush burning its way across your cheeks. “Good to know” he smiled cockily, leaning back down to kiss you, hot, wet and feverish. You felt as if there was an impossible itch all over your body, unable to scratch it, except the itch was inside. Your hands glided to the front of his shirt, fiddling with the buttons desperate to get them undone, too many layers, not enough skin, you needed more.

Gators fingers joined yours in the fight to release him of his dress shirt, he was finally free, your fingers skated across the front of his chest, combing through the thick tuft of chest hair, your hands went down, feeling over the hot skin, his chest hard with muscle but stomach softening under your touch, your hands worked their way around his sides and across his back. Moaning into his mouth as you felt the muscle move under your skin. You couldn’t decide where you wanted to touch, you thought Gator was bad, maybe you were worse. Your hands finally made their home on his shoulders again, occasionally moving to take grip of his biceps as he kissed with so much ferocity. Gator bent down for a second, taking your thighs into his hands lifting you from the ground, you squeaked against his lips as he carried you over to the bed and laid you down, settling between your legs. He pulled away breathless and looked at you, drinking you in, his beautiful blushing bride, he was about to make you his. You stared back up at him, lust filling your eyes, far too gone to acknowledge this night was shrouded in sin. He brushed the fallen hair away from your face onto the pillow beneath you. “You are so beautiful” you scoffed turning your head to the side, face turning an impossible shade of red. He caught your chin between his thumb and forefinger and pulled you back to look at him, “Hey, I mean it, I can’t wait to show everyone how beautiful my wife is” you stared back at him, caressing his cheek with your hand enjoying the way he nestled into your touch.

You raked your fingers through his hair, un slicking some of the gel, his eyes rolled back as your fingers combed against his scalp, you giggled at the way his hair fell apart, messy and boyish, he looked younger this way, less formal, maybe you would have to mention it. He leant down trailing kisses once more across your neck, travelling south, down your chest, he kissed the tops of your breasts sitting neatly in their confinements, before travelling lower, he breathed over your stomach, pressing open mouthed kisses until he reached the top of your underwear. He kissed over the rose at the top of the band, shuffling himself so he sat on his knees in between your legs. You could have sworn you forgot how to breath right there and then as his mouth moved lower, pressing a kiss right to your “Gator what are you do- ah” you gasped out head falling back onto the pillow as he kissed at the untouched forbidden fruit between your legs. “I’m just getting you ready for me baby, wanna make you feel good is all” he smirked looking up at the way your gripped the sheets in between your fingers him having barely touched you.

He sucked at the throbbing mound through your underwear, tasting the slick sweet wet patch that had already formed. He pulled back raising his fingers to the band starting to tug them down “as sweet these are, I’d prefer to see ya without em” you nodded along blindly, anything you want Gator, just please don’t stop. What had happened to self control. The underwear was discarded to the floor, and his face was back in between your legs, he leapt back in and ate like this was his last meal. Kissing, sucking, licking, the feeling was immeasurable, you had nothing to compare this to, your fingers knotted his hair pulling him closer, gasps and sounds you had never heard from yourself tore their way from your throat whilst Gator was feeding between your thighs. His eyes boring into yours a playing glint as he stuck his tongue where nothing had ever been before, your back arched from the bed as he expertly licked it in and out, kissing the insides of yours thighs to catch his breath, “I’m gonna try something okay, mama, want you ta tell me if ya like it” you watched him again curious what he could possibly do next, how could anything be better than that. He continued to kiss at your thighs, his left hand holding one of your knees steadily, the other making its way towards your centre.

You gasped at the feeling of his middle finger rubbing slow deliberate circles over your clit, hips raising off the bed to meet his movements, Gators hand on your knee slipped down to your hip, pinning you to the bed to keep you in place, your eyes looked to him, confused, had you done something wrong? He leaned forwards pressed a wet kiss to your mouth, tongue licking the remnants of your juices into your mouth. You moaned again, at the duel feeling of his hot lips of on yours and his fingers working against you. His middle finger moved to play with your opening, collecting the wetness that was leaking from within. “God yer so fucking wet baby, imma bout ta lose my damn mind” he spoke against your lips, pushing his middle finger into your vagina slowly, making sure not to hurt you, he lifted his head to watch for your reaction, he watched as your eyebrows screwed shut, his thumb rubbing against your clit in slow circles, he worked you open slowly, pushing more of his finger in gradually, he watched your face relax into it, exhaling a deep breath when his finger was in you knuckle deep. His dick was a lot bigger than his finger.

He thought, scared he might rip you open and break you for a moment, he thought back to one of the sick comments one of his dads buddies had made earlier in the day ‘ I wanna know if she bleeds’ he didn’t want to make her bleed, or harm her in anyway, she was his precious little flower, he wanted to make her feel good. It wasn’t fair for her to be in pain while he was shooting his load in her.

A particularly load moan brought him back to reality, he hadn’t noticed himself disassociating, but apparently you were having a great time while he was, he was knuckle deep, two fingers in, curling them up to the spot that had your vision blurring and stars appearing. You had a vice grip on his bicep nails scratching into his skin leaving crescent moons in their wake. God he could watch this blissed out look on your face forever, he continued fucking his fingers into you back and forth watching the way your back was arching and your legs began to shake.

You felt as if a coil was tightening in your stomach, not knowing what was going to happen when it inevitably became too tight to bare. “Gator, I – I” you gasp, clutching his arm, searching his eyes for the answer to an unknown question you didn’t know you were asking. “I know baby, It’s okay, let go” he attached his mouth back to yours swallowing your breathy moans, his entire body crowding you a his fingers pumped away inside you, when finally BOOM, like a bomb had gone off from within your walls, your body started to convulse clamping down around his fingers, covering him in your wetness, your body felt hot, burning to the touch and positively begging to know that feeling more. You rocked against his hand taking everything he would give you, your moans flowing freely now, you latched onto him while he kissed you through it. His eyes examining every minute detail. “Gator, what was…” your chest was pounding as you came down from your high, Gator withdrew his fingers from you slowly, you whined at the emptiness, he snickered, he fears he may have created a monster.

“That was special for you and I, I’m the only one who’s ever gonna make ya feel that way, and now I wanna make you mine” the possessiveness that dripped from his voice should have scared you away, if it weren’t for experiencing your first ever earth shattering orgasm, you might have run away. He looked like a man starved as you stared at him doe eyed and nodded your head eagerly. He sat back on his knees, fingers undoing the button of his trousers, you take the moment to appreciate the man before you. Hair scruffy and all over the place, face flushed, brows furrowed as he concentrated on freeing himself. Lips swollen from stollen kisses, sucked in between his teeth, his chest hairy and heaving. Skin perfectly even tan from his days of working outside on the ranch shirtless. Your eyes followed his fingers as they pushed his trousers down his legs, he rose from his knees to kick them off along with his socks before kneeling back down, you couldn’t help but stare at the obvious thick hard outline of his dick beneath his boxers. You could see it throb and the wet patch that had formed around the tip, you gulped at the sheer size of it, it sure was a lot bigger than the two fingers he just hand inside of you. “It’s okay, I’m gonna go real slow, and if ya want me ta stop… I’ll stop” he looked deep into your eyes. nodding in reassurance.

You laid back awaiting for him to reveal himself fully and when he peeled away the final barrier keeping you apart you gasped as his member slapped against his stomach. The head deep red and leaking, a thick vein running along the underside. He was thick and long, the kind of dick that men bragged about having but they were actually 3 inches smaller. You were intimidated to say the least. Gator crawled over the top of you leaning his elbows beside your head, nestling himself between your legs you huffed again at the feeling of his heavy cock pressing into your slickened folds. He hissed, leaning down to capture your lips in a kiss, gentle and grounding. Your hands rested against his shoulders, he reached down with one hand, griping the base of his cock, rubbing his tip along the wet entrance coating himself in the spoils of your orgasm. When he was wet enough he lined himself up, looking into your eyes.

“I want you to take a deep breath fer me, and breath out once I’m all the way in, okay little lady” he gave you a shy smile, Gator had never been soft with anyone, Gator was a stick it in, shoot your load, get her out kind of man, he didn’t usually care about sentimental. But this, you. He wasn’t gonna fuck this up. You inhaled deep, filling your lungs, as much as they could take, as Gator began his pursuit. He pushed in, the tip being suctioned in by your tight hole, “Fuck, Jesus Christ” he cursed as you sucked the life from him, he could have blown his load right then and there, taking every once of control in his body to draw back and hang on, he felt your nails, sharp and breaking the skin on his shoulders as he journeyed deeper, moving slow, steady until eventually he was fully seated “Oh God” he sat up slightly looking down at the view of your legs open wide to accommodate him, stuffed to the brim, so incredibly full of him.

This is all he has ever longed for. He heard you release the breath, your eyes stinging with tears rolling down your cheeks, he swore he could see the tip of him inside poking through your stomach, he tested the theory, placing a hand against your soft skin, gently rolling his hips once, and low and behold he felt movement. “Fuck me, you really are an angel” he stroked away the stray tears on your cheeks, leaning down to pepper kisses in their wake. You turn your head, nuzzling your nose against his, chasing his lips for a kiss. He joins your mouths together swallowing every sharp breath you take, he begins to rock his hips, slowly setting a rhythm, he works his way up to pulling all the way out and sliding back in, in one unforgiving motion, the air is knocked from your lungs, his name in breathless testimony. He does it again, and again, just to hear the sound again. “Gator… feels g-good” you breathed, lips finding his neck, he starts chasing your pleasure, rolling his hips faster, deeper, the wet sound of your pussy being fucked open for the first time has awakened a beast within him he didn’t know was there. “Yer such a good girl, a good girl fer me, my good little wife” hearing him call you his wife while he pounded you into the mattress sent a wave of pleasure flooding through you.

“I’m yours Gator, don’t want nobody else” you whispered in his ear, moaning as you finished your sentence. “Oh fuck, say it again, tell me your mine” he fucked into you harder, lifting one of your legs to wrap around his waist. “I’m yours, I’m your wife” you breathed, breath hitching at the new angle, his tip now hitting that spongy place inside you no one had dared to reach before. You could feel it again, the coil, but this time if felt different, larger somehow, “Gator, I think I’m close again” your back arched off the bed, head falling back onto the pillow, eyes rolling to the back of your head, this was everything Gator had worked towards, nothing would be greater than this moment, he was sure of it, his dad could walk in tomorrow and say he was resigning and give Gator the deeds to the lands, the sherif badge and title of Mayor but he’d turn it all down just to be wrapped up in you.

That was the dangerous thing about a man in love… Gator was in love with you. His hand bracing himself reached forwards and wrapped around the back of your neck, pulling you into a breathtaking kiss, you felt him pore his soul into it, kissing you feverishly, breathing, moaning, cursing into your mouth, you swallowed each sound. Each word like a prayer. “Don’t stop” you begged, wrapping your other leg around him, you had him in a vice grip, your arms linking round his shoulders to tangle in his hair, tugging, stroking, pulling. He moaned away, fucking himself into you, giving himself to you completely as you were giving yourself to him. “Gator, I’m” you gasped “Open your fucking eyes” they shot open so fast, meeting his dark blown out orbs. “I fuckin love you” a scream ripped through the room as you came around him once again, body rippling, trembling, your insides buzzing as pleasure tingled from your head to the tip of your toes. Your eyes were wide, mouth agape as Gator began to speed up, chasing his own high, bottom lip between his teeth, eyes shut and brows furrowed in concentration, you observed the man who through his faults, and his fathers crimes was going above and beyond to make you happy, you combed through the hair falling in his face and stroked his cheek. “I love you Gator” you whispered softly to him. “Ohh, fuck” he stilled suddenly, balls deep and released everything he had inside him, you felt the warmth cover your walls, shooting out in hot thick ropes, it didn’t stop coming, he gave a few more thrusts before opening his eyes, turning his face to kiss the open palm of your hand. He dropped down on top you, still firmly inside unrelenting to let a single drop he gave you drip outside. He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, arms wrapping around you. You craned your neck to the side you could get a better view, completely wrecked and undone, his eyes tired, body sheen with sweat, you breathed him in. He looked at you, eyes scanning all around your face, for any ounce of regret, or dishonesty for the statement you had just made.

“Hey” he smiled sleepily, pressing a kiss to your nose, you could feel him twitch inside you, the feeling made you giddy. You giggled. “Hi Gator” he breathed out a laugh through his nose then shaking his head, hugging you tighter. “You really mean what you just said?” he looked at you with so much sincerity in his eyes it broke your heart for a moment. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it” you offered him  a kind smile, the smile he fell for in the first place. “Yeah but people say things all the time, don’t make it true” he sighed, he looked like a kicked puppy. “well not with me, thou shall not bear false witness, remember Gator” you nudged him with your nose making him smile. He eyed you and returned your grin albeit a small one. “Will ya tell me again?”  he nudged you back “What do I get in return?” you replied cheekily. “Baby, I’ll get ya the fucking moon, if ya asked” he smiled then, wide and genuine. You looked into his eyes then, taking a breath “I love you Gator Tillman” you offered again. You felt him twitch inside you again, warmth leaking from his tip, was being loved your ticket out of here. If he said he’d do anything, were you willing to test that limit? Would Gator really go against his own father if you asked him to. You felt his lips at your neck as he whispered sweet nothings into your ear, cradling you as close as he could hold.

“My wife loves me…” he trailed off. Lips peppering your skin, mumbling to himself more than anything. You laughed again. “Gator I’m kinda tired, can we go to bed?” you spoke softly, not to disturb his mood. He drew back gently nodding, the both of you hissing as he pulled out, still not soft, you both stared at it, watching as the milky liquid of your joint spend stuck to him in a sticky string. “I’ll be right back, stay still” he ran across the hall to the bathroom, returning moments later with a warm washcloth, hands pulling your legs apart gently as he cleaned you up, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, before going to his chest of drawers across the room, you couldn’t help the tilt of your head as you stole a glance of his naked behind, never having seen a naked man before, this was a form you could truly come to appreciate.

He turned around once he found what he was looking for and caught you staring, immediately cocky, smirk plastered on his face, he stepped inside a fresh pair of boxers pulling them up his legs “can I help you with something ma’am?” you coughed and tried to act as if you weren’t completely checking out his ass, in your defence it’s a very nice ass, very peachy and toned. “Nope” you shrugged trying to hide your face in the pillows. “Too late, I caught ya pervert” you gasped laughing as he crawled over the top of you tickling your ribs unrelenting. “Gator stop!” you begged legs thrashing from underneath him. He sat back on his knees and laughed, pushing his hair away from his face. He pulled an oversized shirt out of his grip and held it up to you, “Thought you might wanna wear this ta bed?” you smiled eagerly sitting up, you unhooked your bra from the back letting it fall, Gators smile dropping instantly, “well why didn’t ya do that earlier” he went to dive in for your chest, you grabbed the top of his head pushing him back so he fell backwards onto the bed. He looked bewildered, you pulled the shirt over your head, letting it fall down past your waist in your sitting position. “Bed, Gator” you spoke firmly, he sighed jokingly and crawled his way back up the bed and under the covers.

His arms enclosed around your body, legs tangling with your own, you settled back into him and relaxed. “Night Mrs Tillman” you smiled sleepily in his arms snuggling deeper into his hold. “Night Mr Tillman, God bless, I love you” seal the deal. Entrap him like he has done you, then strike, and go for the kill. He kissed your skin one last time whispering into your ear “I love you so fuckin much” one thing you were certain of.

Summer air in North Dakota is thick, coating skin a silky sheen of sweat before noon even hits. Gator was used to the long hot drawling days of summer where the sun burned high in the sky, long stayed it’s welcome into the night. It was another boring summer day when Gator first met you. Where he sat perched on the bonnet of his truck eating some dry sad excuse of a sandwich Karen had made for him for lunch. His truck was parked near the front entrance of the ever doomed ‘Tillman Ranch’ where all who set foot are surely condemned.

He looked on confused as a girl he had never seen before peddled up the long stretching dirt road on an old push bike, mint green, rusting in some places, wicker basket attached to the front and old fashioned bell positioned on the handlebars. He felt the curiosity peak inside him, as you neared the front gates, it’s then he could take in your features, pleasant smile on your face, bright eyes, hair flowing in the wind, skin kissed by the sun, the white dress you were wearing dirtying at the bottom from dust from the road, your converse worn, however still pristine, only looking at the soles could you tell how long you’d had them. His eyes dragged their way up your figure as you drew closer, his brows furrowed at the lack of cleavage on show. Most the girls around here have something to offer him, you however, apparently not. Your dress started with a clean modest neck line, and when his eyes skimmed your neck he was momentarily blinded by a white light, squinting he caught a glimpse of the gold cross that lay around your neck, oh good girl.

You rounded the corner stopping at the front gate and smiled brightly at Gator, who sat there, confusion smeared across his face. Your feet dropped from the pedals and you balanced on your legs, lightly leaning to one side. “Hi” you beamed sweetly at the man before you, “can I help you with something little lady?” Gator sneered, confused at how you could be so nice to a stranger, kindness was not in his nature.

“Ugh, I’m looking for my daddy, he forgot his lunch so I thought I’d bring it to him, he just started here a couple weeks back, names Fred” You smiled fondly as you spoke, head tilting to the side, a small blush creeping it’s way to your skin, a testament to your shyness. “Huh, Fred… Yeah I know ‘em, I’ll ugh, call him over” he eyed you suspiciously. What were you really bringing your dad, no one went out of their way to bring food out here for anyone, people aren’t that kind, she must want something in return, the thoughts running through Gator’s head were confusing him, acts of kindness were few and far between in a place like this, and the last time he had received a genuine act of kindness he was probably 12 years old.

He reached down to his belt and unclasped his ranch radio, you heard the sound of static before he spoke into the receiving end “Fred, to front gate, repeat Fred to front gate, there’s uh, a package for yer” it was silent for a moment before you heard the distinct voice of your father through the speaker of the radio, “Received, on my way. Over” Gator nodded back to you. “Shouldn’t be too long, he’s mucking out the stables on the east side of the property… so what’ya bring em?” he nodded towards your basket which he could see was full with a large brown paper bag, he could smell something sweet, he was salivating just imagining what was inside.

“Oh, nothing much, made him a few chicken wraps, there’s some fruit and veggies in there, he likes apple and peanut butter as a snack so that’s in there, and I made cookies and brownies, couldn’t decide what I wanted to make this morning so I made both. And then I made him a bottle of lemonade” you rambled on head bobbing back and forth as you spoke. “Jesus woman you trying to make him fat!” he let out a brief laugh and saw the panic in your eyes flash for a second before you realised he was joking. “well it smells amazing, I hope he appreciates it, better than the crap we get fed here” he smirks, eyes drinking you in as you recoil inadvertently under his gaze. “do you want some cookies or something? There’s plenty in there I made 24, and daddy won’t eat them all, I’m sure he’d share with the other guys anyway” you wheeled closer slowly, the front wheel of your bike finally passing the threshold of the ranch, you couldn’t explain it but you could have sworn you felt something shift in the air, right then and there.

You reached into the brown paper bag, grabbing a napkin and carefully take out a handful of cookies, leaning over the handle bars to pass them to the unnamed man you had met, he looked genuinely surprised by the action, hesitant to reach out and receive the kind offering, but he extending a hand, warm fingers brushing against your own, your breath hitched and you met his eyes for a moment, yours curious and his own swimming with something dark, unknown but a glimmer of hopefulness. The connection was cut short when you heard your fathers voice break through the air. “Baby girl, what a lovely surprise!” You dropped your hand from his and tore your eyes away to smile at your dad who was jogging towards you. Gator gripped the cookies in his hand for dear life staring down at them, willing himself not to look back at you. He heard your father approach and embrace you, he let out a sigh.

“What are you doing here, darlin?” your dad swayed you side to side in an awkward sweaty hug, you still sat on your bike had to half twisted to turn to him. “You forgot your lunch this morning, and I know you didn’t eat breakfast so I packed you some extras so you wouldn’t go hungry pops, see” you gestured to the basket on the front of your bike, pulling away from your dad, you lifted the brown bag from the basket and handed it over to him, he held his face over the bag and inhaled. “Why thank you baby, you didn’t have to do all that, I wish I could stay but I gotta get back to it I’m afraid, love ya baby girl” he placed a kiss on the side of your head, you gave him a sad half smile and short wave and watched as he turned around and walked in the opposite direction. “Well, I better get going, thanks for getting my dad, maybe I’ll see you around sometime?” he noticed how your mood had considerably dropped after the brief encounter with your dad, he would do anything to see that smile back on your face again, and he didn’t understand why.

“Yeah and uh, thanks for the cookies, they smell fucking delicious” his lip curled up into a smirk, he noticed how your face grimaced at his use of the curse word and made a mental note of it. She really is a good girl. I wonder how good.

“My names Gator by the way, Gator Tillman.” He extended his hand once again and you, being a polite, well mannered individual you didn’t think twice about taking it. His fingers brushed against your knuckles as he shook your hand, and you swear you felt your throat tighten for a second. “wait, Tillman as in?” you looked above you to the huge ‘Tillman Ranch’ sign hanging above your head, eyes moving back down slowly to meet his where a huge smirk was plastered onto his face. He just nodded and tilted his head to the side. “And your name, little lady?” your heart skipped a few beats at the nickname and the way his grip tightened around your hand. “Y/n” you replied curtly. “Beautiful” his eyes traced your face and you watched him as he took in every detail, only when he reached your lips did you pull your hand away from his own, the entire interaction beginning to step into the territory of dangerous, a game you weren’t willing to play. “I have to go, It was nice to meet you Gator, see ya around” you gave him one last fateful smile before turning your bike around and cycling back down the long dirt road that lead back into Lehigh.

Months went by and your encounters with Gator grew, a heat building between you like the kiss of the sun hung in the sky. You would meet each other in fleeting moments, in the grocery store, the coffee house downtown, he had found you like to spend your Saturday afternoons browsing for books in the local bookstore then trailing off to sit by the creek at the edge of town to read until late in the evening. His gaze was always glued to you at church, catching how intently you beamed at the preacher or his father leading the service, he swore he could hear your voice carry along across the chapel while you sang the hymns, the angelic sound doing nothing to stop his growing infatuation with you. Whenever you would catch his eye you always offered the most polite, innocent smile. Gator didn’t think he had ever met anyone as truly innocent and incorrupt as you. You didn’t belong in his world, or this town, or county for the matter, in his eyes you were too perfect and should stay as far away from here as possible, but he was far too selfish to ever tell you that. It was a lesson you would learn yourself, when it was too late.

You had heard the talk around town about the Tillman’s, how they were the root of all evil, but you tried not to pay mind to it, gossip was a sin, and you wouldn’t feed into it. Besides your daddy had only ever had good things to say about the sheriff and his son. You had been down on your luck before you moved to Lehigh, losing your mother, your father was made redundant after taking too much time from work to care for her while she was sick, you nearly lost everything, but your church managed to find you a fresh new start, with a home bought for you with charitable donations and your farther being recommended for a job on a ranch. The drive from Colorado had been long but you were happy to be beside your daddy for a fresh start. The North Dakoda landscape stretching for miles, of vast farmland, it felt like home.

You settled in the town pretty easily, though found the people here to be more dreary, lifeless as if the very soul of the town had been sucked dry. Still you offered people your usual smile, in exchange for grumpy nods and confused glances. There was one person, other than your farther who always returned your smile. Gator Tillman, after your first trip to the ranch, he seemingly appeared everywhere, opening doors for you if he noticed you on your way into a store, offering to pay for your coffee, walking next to you as you leave church, asking what you thought about the sermon that day. You didn’t understand why people spoke so lowly of him and his family, they seemed respectful, decent even.

Today was no different, the pair of you wandered further through the trees, a warm breeze brushing past the leaves. The birds sang softly and flitted between branches as you followed the manmade path through the wooded area down to the creek. Your hands clutching this weeks book of choice ‘sense and sensibility’ your shoulders brushing Gators every now and then as he refused to step more than a few centimetres away from you. His hands reached across and pulled the book from your grasp, lifting it up to his face, he turned it over and read the blurb “Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility follows the Dashwood sisters- Prudent Elinor and impulsive Marianne, after their fathers death leaves them destitute.” He cocked an eyebrow at you and continued to scan the back of the book, you watched closely as his mouth moved muttering the words to himself this time, shaking his head, a look of pure disgust on his face. “You really into this shit?” his nose turned up, you laughed and took the book back gently from his hand, allowing your fingers to graze his for a moment too long.

“Yes, I do, it’s romantic, and heartbreaking, takes you on a journey, men don’t court women like this anymore, y’all just go into dingy bars and touch each on each other it’s” you shake your head sickened at the thought of someone touching you like that. Gator studied the way your body recoiled, the way your nose scrunched up and your shoulders shook, shaking the thoughts out of your body.

“what, you ain’t ever been touched?” he quirked his eyebrows catching the way you stopped dead in your tracks staring at him like he’d grown a second head. Heat flooded your face, a deep crimson blushing across your cheeks burning your skin. “Well I ain’t married am I?” you replied shortly. Eyes scanning the ground, feet kicking a rock to the side of the path. Gator new the game he was playing was dangerous, but he couldn’t help himself, if anyone was gonna spoil this delicate flower, it was gonna be him. “most the folk round here ain’t married, you think they ain’t fooling around, c’mon you really never done anything?” he quipped further, taking a careful step towards you, he could feel the way your body tightened, the way your breathing stopped and your pulse quickened. He reached out with one of his hands, brushing it up against your waist letting it rest in the natural curve, his finger tips playing with the soft thin cotton of your dress. You were breathless, truly. You’d never been this close to a man other than your daddy before, apart from taking communion at church when the pastor would place the bread in your hands and bring the cup of wine to your lips, other than that you had no interaction.

He tugged you closer, stumbling over your feet slightly, your hands reaching to brace themselves against his hard chest. Fingers betraying your own better judgement as they pressed into the muscle under his shirt. Never once had you had thoughts about wanting to see a man with no shirt on but you had a sudden urge to peel away his shirt to reveal what was going on underneath. The fleeting moment was cut painfully short for Gator as you quickly regained composure, lurching out of his grip, shaking your head as if it would dismiss the feelings flooding your brain.

“No, I haven’t because it’s a sin” you spoke more to yourself than to Gator as you carried on walking down the path. Moments like that would continue to build between the pair over the passing months, as Summer turned to and Autumn turned to Winter, Gator would continually test your limits to see how far you would really go. The answer was not very far at all of course. But with the test of time gator felt himself growing more fond of the idea of winning your affections rather than stealing away that innocent part of yourself, he knew it could never belong to him, the more he grew to know you the more he understand how truly good you were. Kind, selfless, gentle, an angel heaven sent in his eyes to brighten up this shit hole town. He saw how men leered at you, and you took no notice because you were unknowing of the dangers of the world, his world. Every one of his deputies had made crude comments about you which he always shut down immediately.

With the cold harsh wind whipping through the air, blowing your hair in every direction as you walked towards the coffee shop, you pulled your coat closer to your skin, hugging it tight. You didn’t feel the presence coming up behind you, only noticing him when the wind carried the scent of his cologne, hurling towards you. You felt his arm wrap around your shoulder pulling you into his side as you both walked. “hey mama, you look cold, lemme warm ya up?” his smug face replaced by one of genuine concern. You let him baby you for the rest of the short walk into the coffee house, where he stepped ahead pulled the door open for you, other hand falling to the middle of your back. Gator had gained a few inches of trust, and learned where you’d allow him to touch, arm around shoulder yes, hand on the middle of the back yes, arm around your waist, sometimes, hands on hips no, hand on your lower back, absolutely not. The pair of you reached the counter after a short queue, your eyes fixated on the menu even though you know exactly what you’re gonna get in this weather, and Gators eyes just watched you, studying you and committing you to memory as If you would vanish before his very eyes.

“can I help?” the friendly face of the barista making a warm welcome. “uh yeah, she’ll get the deluxe hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate shavings and I’ll get a black coffee” Gator half smiled and slid a 20 across the counter “Please” you chimed in, smiling your widest at the no doubt overworked underpaid woman in front of you. Gator scoffed and shook his head, she nodded and smiled back. Having been used to this dynamic between the pair of you for the last few months, he’d place your order, usually make some shitty remark and you would berate him about his manners, and how ‘the lord teaches us to love thy neighbour and be kind to one another’ or some malarkey to which he would avidly roll his eyes. Though you have to admit, as of late he has been much more polite, not much bite and a lot more agreeable. You went and chose a seat in the back hidden away from prying eyes, expecting Gator to sit in front of you, however he slid in right beside you, pushing right up against the comfy cushion of the booth. His arm automatically wrapping around your shoulders after you’d shrug your coat off and placed it gently over your knees.

“may I ask Mr Tillman, why are you invading my space?” you joke as you turn your head towards him, faces mere inches apart. You take in the swirls of his deep eyes, beauty marks dotting his face and the slope of his nose, the longer you have known him, the more you have began to appreciate how truly beautiful he was. He was a walking temptation, the devil had sent him personally for you, you just had to resist it. “You were cold mama, jus making sure I keep ya warm is all” his crooked smile isn’t one of deceit and that’s what confuses you the most. All the people in Stark county had nothing nice to say about Gator Tillman, however here he was buying you hot chocolate with his arm wrapped around you so carefully not to disrespect you, how could he be bad, evil even? You were sure they must be wrong. You smiled and turned your head resting it on his shoulder, tilting your head the smallest bit to place the most delicate kiss on his shoulder.

Gator felt it then, the ping of energy that flew from his shoulder to his brain right down to his toes, he was burning, his entire being felt as if he had been set alight. He felt the burning in his cheeks then, the slight ache that comes after, no he couldn’t be, you’d made Gator Tillman blush, and you didn’t even notice, too distracted with staring off out the window at people passing by, watching as the heavy wind blew them along the street. He sat there stunned, confused what to do next until the barista brought your order over to the table. “thanks” Gator nodded to her, only praying that the redness had disappeared from his cheeks.

It was three months later when Gator kissed you for the first time, and when your entire world would implode in on itself. Spring came and the hope new life and prosperity filled the air. Or at least that’s what you had told gator when he moaned about calving season on the ranch. Gator didn’t quite see it that way, he saw it how it was, pulling slimy smelly baby cows out from the mama cow while she moaned away and he did his best to avoid her kicks. Meanwhile his daddy sat back with a cigar bitching about everything he was doing wrong and the hundred different ways he would have done it. Gator had come to you after a long day at the ranch covered in all sorts of muck and smelling of something you couldn’t quite place. You were once again sat by the creek, a notebook in hand scribbling away your daily thoughts, sat on a blanket under a tree. Gator was sprawled out on his back, his head resting on your stomach, watching you intently as you poured every last thought into your journal.

“You stick your tongue out any further your gonna catch flies mama” Gator breathed out a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the sides, it was a rare sight, but one you loved to see. You stifled a nervous laugh, quickly sucking your tongue back inside your mouth pulling your bottom lip between your teeth in embarrassment. Gator leaned onto his elbow, leaning up as he shook his head tutting, “dun do that either mama, you have no idea what it does t’me” his hand extended, gripping your chin lightly, thumb brushing over your bottom lip to pull it out from beneath your teeth. Your eyes fluttered shut, unwilling to stay fixated on his intense stare, his own eyes taking in every minute detail of your face.

The way your eyelashes rested against your cheeks, the faded freckles that would soon bloom in the warmer months. The indentation of the dimple on the right side of your cheek, which he noticed you got from your father. The smile lines beside your eyes. He felt himself drawing closer, an invisible magnet pulling him closer until his nose was brushing against yours, his eyes stayed open, watching the internal torment going through your brain, as your eyebrows furrowed, but your face nuzzled closer to his, your own nose nudging into his. He released his grip on your chin and pushed a falling strand of hair falling into your eyes being your ear, hand taking home to rest on your cheek, thumb caressing the soft apple of your cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” your breathing faulted at his question, never having been in this situation before. You open your eyes slowly to take in his deep soulful eyes. No ounce of harm in them, where you being naïve, or was everyone else just wrong about him? “I don’t – I’ve nev-” you started to shake your head, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest; you were sure Gator would be able to hear it if he listened hard enough. “Please baby” baby, baby, baby!

Your brain screamed. You’d heard the word a million times; your daddy called you baby girl, your mother used to call you baby. But to have a man whispering it as a sweet nothing into your ear sent a surge of energy through your body you’d never felt before. You met his eyes once more and nodded your head once slowly, surely.

He puffed out a breath as if he didn’t think you’d actually give in. The hand on your cheek tilted you slightly to the side as he pressed his lips against yours, soft at first, just a small peck, pulling back to observe your expression, your chest rising rapidly lips parted to take in all the oxygen they can, he’d never seen you look more beautiful. Gator pulled you to him again, catching you off guard. A small gasp escaped your lips, he stifled his own groan as he swallowed the sound, his lips moving against your own slowly, taking his time to kiss both your upper and lower lip.

It was clear to him you had no idea what you were doing, as you gripped your book for dear life, your knuckles turning white as you clutched it. He let out a laugh and took the book from your hands, setting it beside you on the blanket. He used his arms to bring your hands to rest on his shoulders.

“Just do whatever feels comfortable, okay, mama?” He nodded at you before leaning back in, his lips working against yours but never deepening the kiss, not to frighten you away. His other hand eventually found its way to your waist to hold you there, stroking against fabric of your shirt. Every impulse inside him telling him, reach under, go higher, take what you want, the internal battle he was fighting was one you could never understand. He had never been this reserved Gator took what he wanted, he never waited to be told yes. It was a side of him you had and would never see. He couldn’t understand why everything inside him was telling him to do this right, if his father could see him right now, he would be ashamed. ‘Take what’s yours, be a man. Claim her if you want her’ he could hear the words ingrained in his head. But no, he would go slow, fuck, it had taken him 9 months to get to this point, if he was wanting to get any further with you he knew inevitably he would have to make you his wife. The thought of you all pretty in a wedding dress at the church confessing how much you love him in front of the entire town had a small moan parting from his lips, that and the fact you had grown confident enough to let your fingers glide along the back of his neck to play with the loose strands of hair there.

You return a gasp into his mouth, and pull away gradually. Panting, eyes flickering back open to meet his, satisfied expression splayed across his face, not smug, just happy. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” he leaned in once more and pecked your cheek, making you giggle a sound he could happily become all too familiar with. “Well are ya happy now? Will you leave me alone?” you chuckled shaking your head, a deep blush settling across your cheeks. “Oh, absolutely not, I’ve had a taste now, don’t think I’ll ever let you out my sight again” he exclaimed as he leapt over your body, straddling your hips, his hands coming to your ribs dancing over the area tickling you. You squealed and trashed around, to no avail, he had you trapped. You look up to his face to see a bright smile emerge, a rare sight. You reached forwards and brushed your hand along his cheek. “I like it when you smile, I wish you did it more often” you admitted, head tilting to take in his expression softening. “Well you should let me kiss you some more, then I’d have something to smile about” he offered, with his signature smirk replacing the smile that just about reached his eyes. You rolled your eyes and gave his chest a light shove, he rolled off from on top of you, sitting back beside you. You sat up slowly, pulling your journal into your lap once more, looking over at Gator. “I have to get going… Gotta cook dinner for daddy” he stood then and extended his arms out to you on the ground; you took his hands and he pulled you up with ease. Before leaning down to pick up your blanket, folding it carefully and walking to placing it in the basket of your bike. You smiled at the notion, walking to join him at your bike perched against a nearby tree. You put your journal on top of the blanket and turn back to him. “Thank you, Gator, I’ll see you soon” you leant up and placed a single peck on his lips, taking him and yourself by surprise, he stood there stunned unable to comprehend that you would have the confidence to ever instigate a kiss on the lips first. You smiled, hooked a leg over your bike and cycled away through the wooded area, leaving him stood there staring at the tree.

You saw Gator again 2 days later, but it was under very different circumstances. The day that change everything, and bring you to realise perhaps the town folk weren’t in fact wrong about him after all. Riding your bike through Lehigh with your basket filled with grocery bags, you past several depressing houses, fallen down picket fences, broken cladding and holes in roofs, some of the town could use a pick me up. Too many shops with ‘closing down sale’ signs painted in the front window, you wondered how long a town like this would survive. As you rode up the path to yours and your fathers house you noticed a truck not belonging to your father parked in front of his. Curiosity building, you pulled your bike up to the front of the house, dismounting to lean it against the side of the house. You took the groceries out of the basket and carried them in your arms. You assumed your father just had a friend round to watch the game that would be on this afternoon, thinking nothing of it, you stepped inside the house, you heard the distinct sound of deep manly voices. “Hey daddy, you didn’t tell me we were having company-”

As you walked into the living you took in the sight before you. Your father tied to one of the dining room chairs, battered and bruised and covered in blood. Gator stood in front of him, hands bloodied, gun pointed at his head. And Roy Tillman stood closest to you devilish grin on his face, anticipating what was going to happen next. Your eyes met Gators and you wanted to scream. The look on his face, so torn in this moment. You felt your world cave in all at once, this man who had shown you nothing but soft gentle kindness, had come into your home and hurt your daddy. “Baby girl, run!” the ragged voice of your dad taring your eyes from Gators to his, before you dropped the groceries on the floor and took off for the stairs. “Oh, no you don’t Gator shoot!” you didn’t think as you pounded one foot after another up the stairs. BANG. You screamed, adrenaline pushing your body to move faster through the house, you didn’t know who but someone was leaping up the stairs after you. You made your way into the bathroom, attempting to shut and lock the door, before it was being pounded open back onto you.

You screamed, the shrill sound piercing through the room, hot tears burning down your face. You looked around the room for anything to defend yourself, there was nothing. The door was inevitably broken inwards and there stood Roy Tillman. A man you had been told to fear but chose to ignore. He crowded you in the small room, hauling you to your feet by your arms, dragging you into the shower. He turned the water on, freezing cold, pinning your arms above your head in a bruising hold, he turned the shower head so the freezing spray was held directly over your face. Choking in water, you tried to pry your head away from the ice cold water to take a gasp of air, Roys rough hand smacks itself around your neck holding you in place.

“Gator, get your ass up here!” he barked over his shoulder. The hand from around your neck released and made its way down your body, stopping over your left breast where he squeezed harshly. a cry fell from your mouth, but you quickly shut up when he returned his glare back to your face. You look though the harsh waterfall and could make out Gator coming to stand next to his dad, his head hung low. “Tell us, pretty darlin, did your daddy mention anything to you about a barn?” his hand dragging its way across the expanse of your chest to your stomach, you wanted to be sick. You shook your head, a shiver settling into your bones from the chill of the water. Your skin prickling with goosebumps. “Speak! Woman dammit” the hand on your stomach shoved you back into the wall. You grunted and coughed as you inhaled more water. your vision impossibly blurry as you choked out “no, sir” Roy didn’t look convinced as he leaned forwards turning off the faucet, pulling you out of the shower. Now dripping wet you stood shaking in front of the two men, looking to Gator pleading for help as he refused to meet your eye.

“Right, on your knees” both of your heads snapped towards Roy, water flicking from the ends of your hair to splash across his face as you looked up at him with wide fearful eyes. “No, please” you begged. You felt a sharp hot sting as the back of his hand smacked across your cheek. You whimpered and looked at Gator with watery eyes as you slowly lowered yourself to the wet tiled floor. You watched shaking, as he brought a hand to his belt. Gator stepped forwards then, placing a firm hand on his fathers, “Dad, please, she don’t know nothin, you don’t have t’ scare her like this” he pleaded with his dad, eyes full of concern. Roy looked between the both of you for a moment. His hand left his belt, and came to your face again stroking the glowing red welt on the side of your face, you sobbed as he traced his handiwork, gripping your chin harshly, he forced his thumb inside your mouth, you whined in protest attempting to turn your face away only for him to use his other hand to grip the hair at the back of your head so you would look at him. He watched with a smug smile as the tears rolled freely down your face joining the growing puddle of water on the tiles beneath you. He noticed how one of your hands had a tight grip of the cross pendant hanging around your neck. The cross digging into the skin so deep it had drawn blood. “A good Christian girl huh?” you closed your eyes at the words tears spilling from your lashes, as you squeezed them shut. There was no God in this place, Only the Devil and his son.

Suddenly he was pulling his thumb from your mouth, a string of saliva connecting the two, he drew his thumb to his own lips and sucked it between his lips, he let go of the back of your head and you fell forwards to the floor. Hunched over in a ball, you choked out a cough dry heaving at the feeling of his dirty hands on you. Roy wheezed out a laugh, lighting a cigarette from his shirt pocket. “Gator, take care a her for me, you know I don’t like unfinished business” he casually strolled out the bathroom and down stairs as if he hadn’t just assaulted and violated you. As if it was just another normal Tuesday afternoon, you were beginning to think it was for him. The shock ripping through your body expelled and you let out a broken cry, pulling yourself into a tight ball on the floor. Gator tried to comfort you in some way, crouching down to your level, attempting to pat your back. You shot up and smacked his hand away from you, trying to create space between the pair of you, but Gator wouldn’t allow you that this time, taking, taking, taking what he needed from this moment. “Baby, calm down, we’ll figure it out” his hands reached to brush the wet hair stuck to your face away, you continued to smack him away, settling on pushing and shoving at his chest. “No, no, get away from me!” you landed one particularly hard shove right to his chest, receiving an ‘oomf’ from him in return. “I’m trying to help baby” he whispered, brushing a piece of hair away, you caught a glimpse at the blood on his hand, your fathers flood, and the tears rolled faster, the lump in your throat aching threatening to choak you. “STOP! Just get off me, you shot my daddy… and now you have to shoot me right, that’s what he meant by ‘unfinished business’?” Gator saw you go through so many emotions all at once, grief, torment, anger, confusion, terror.

“I’m s’posed t yeh” he shook his head and looked to the floor. “can you tell me why?” he shook his head again refusing to look at you, you reached forwards and lifted his chin with your cold fingers. “If I’m gonna die, don’t I deserve to know what for, please Gator” he sighed and closed his eyes for a brief moment, he was going to give in you could tell, you just had to wear him down first, you brushed your hand along the side of his face, drawing him closer to you, nuzzling your face close to his, nose to nose, lips brushing. “Please Gator” he looked like a broken man. Tormented by the ghosts of his past, broken down and beaten by his father. The shell of a man really. The only glimpse of happiness he has felt in his adult life has been time spent with you, and now that was going to be torn away from him too. “Your daddy, he uh, saw something he shouldn’t have. There’s this barn on our land, it’s usually empty, but this time it wasn’t, Roy was hiding something in there, something your dad wasn’t supposed to see. So uh, we came here to find out what your daddy saw, and I guess Roy wasn’t happy with the answer he gave, I’m so sorry baby, I really am” he started to ramble, you felt your bottom lip wobble as he carried on and fresh tears burn in your eyes, you turned your head away from him in disgust.

“so that’s it, huh. My daddy has to die because yours ain’t no good at hiding his dirty work? That’s bullshit Gator!” you gasped at your own use of a curse word, Gator taken a back by your harsh language. “It’s just the way Roy i-” you cut him off, “No, I don’t accept that. You knew me and my daddy were good people, yet you let him stay there in danger, you didn’t think to warn me, to warn him. How could you be so selfish Gator. How many people have you done this to Gator?” you searched his eyes, his lack of a response and the guilty look on his face gave you your answer.

“Right… you and your daddy are evil you know that. And you. You let me believe all the people round here were wrong about you, that they misjudged you, because they were just scared. You let me fall for you, I would have given you everything. But now… I feel sick, at just the thought that I let the devil put his hands on me. Kiss me, hold me so tenderly. How dare you” you quietly cried as Gator sat there silent, staring at the floor.

“And now I’ll never get the chance to get married, be a wife, have a house of my own, have children, I hope you know all that you’re stealing from me Gator” his head turned as you said his name, you watched baffled as a sole tear dripped from his eye, before his hand brushed it away harshly. “you’re acting like I have choice, ya think I wanna fucking shoot ya, I want you to be mine, my wife for God’s sake” his voice broke at his admission, eyes tearing up, not bothering to hide them now. You scoffed and turned your head away.

“I just got one last request, if you’re gonna shoot me, can we go downstairs so I can be with my daddy, I’d rather die in the arms of a man who loved me wholeheartedly, and without fault. Can you do that for me?” you heard him sigh but he silently agreed, tearing himself away from the floor, leading the way out the room. You took in your surroundings one last time. This had only been your house for under a year but you and your father had made it a happy home, filled with love and laughter. Warm halls, filled with photographs, evidence of a happy life, about to be cut incredibly short. However for you, you felt some resounding peace knowing that although you were about to die, you would soon be in the kingdom of the maker with both of your parents, and would be in peace for eternal life, you only hoped that your father had the same peace of mind as you did in the moments leading to his death.

You reached the bottom of the stairs and stood beside gator, taking in the sight of your dad, head tilted bullet hole through his eye socket, blood sprayed across the wall behind him, Roy sat on the sofa beside him with one of your dads beers from the fridge with the football game playing on the TV, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to be doing in this situation. He turned his head to the side doing a double take at you stood there, very much alive, dress still dripping wet, now on the carpet, and Gator stood beside you, torn look splayed across his face. “Dammit boy, I told ya to take care of it, can’t trust you ‘t do anything right” he sighed shaking his head reaching for his own gun from his holster. Gator stepped in front of you with his hands in the air. “Wait dad, she had a final request, to be with her daddy when she went, I thought as a good Christian woman we owed her that much out of respect, as Christians ourselves” Gator tilted his head. You held back a scoff at Gator calling themselves Christians as if they weren’t sent from the very depths of hell.

Roy paused for a moment “Yeah I guess we can do that for ya sweetheart” Roys attention turned back to the tv as you stepped out from behind Gator, and walked over to your daddy, you picked up his hand, feeling his body had started to drain of his usual warmth and already stiffen slightly. You strangled out a small sob, and you looked at his broken face. Bashed and bruised and bloodied, you could hardly recognise him, you lent forwards and placed a kiss on his cheek. Gator stepped in and cut your dad free from his bounds, and gently tugged him down onto the floor, you shuffled down to the floor and lead beside him placing your head on his chest. Looking up with tears in your eyes to nod to Gator, you were ready. Gator shakily took the gun from his thigh holster, raising it to point at your head, you closed your eyes and braced yourself. Gator took a deep breath. One two three -

“so you’re a good Christian girl huh?” Gator dropped the gun to his side and puffed out a breath, you turned your head to the side to look at Roy, but he was still engrossed in the game. “She is dad” Roy nodded, finally acknowledging the pair of you again, he took in the sight of you willingly on the floor ready to face death without putting up a fight. “You don’t fear death?” you sat up slightly turning so you could look him in the eyes to let him know he didn’t frighten you, if you were going to die, it would be on your terms, not because some sicko decided it. “No sir, I’ll be going home, moving on from this place into the kingdom of heaven” he nodded his head and smiled, satisfied with your answer, he didn’t think he had ever met anyone in their congregation more devoted to the good book than him (in his twisted way) but perhaps he had met his match. Roy turned to Gator and nodded for him to put his gun away. Which he did with much relief. You looked at Gator in confusion. “so what that’s it? You’re letting me go?” your heart was pounding out of your chest once more the adrenaline zinging through your body.

“Yeah sweetheart, but you can’t stay here anymore, you gotta come stay with us on the ranch from now on, can’t have you blabbing about what happened here today now can we?” Roy sneered as he stood from the sofa, hands holding above the oversized belt buckle. You stayed on the floor confusion and unease settling in. “why, I can stay here, this is my home, I won’t say nothing, sir, I promise” you scrambled to get off the floor as Roy made his way towards you.

“Oh no, darlin, can’t have a nice pure thing like you all alone, besides..” the cheshire like grin plastered on his face did nothing to comfort you as he looked between you and Gator. “I’ve been looking for a good, Christian girl, to marry my son for years, and today… I think I found her…” your eyes felt like bulging out of their sockets as you looked at the older man. He looked proudly at his son, as you looked to Gator in horror you weren’t met with the same apprehension, you were met with excitement. Like a child on Christmas, his dad had bought him the best Christmas present ever. He was speechless but positively beaming. Your world felt like it was crumbling before your eyes. Maybe death would have been the safer option. Rather than a life of being trapped on this psychopaths ranch, with his son so willing to do his evil bidding without batting an eye. “Now honey, I’m gonna go and get my wife to cook a nice meal for us, and Gator will stay here while you pack, I’ll send someone over to clear this up.” He eyed the room once more, nodding his head, patting his sons shoulder almost congratulatory. You were stunned by the entire situation. You had learned many lessons from the bible growing up but one was standing out more now more than any other.

So he bided his time. And watched. He learned your routine, your ins and outs of the house, learned how your new play thing never really left your side much. You hadn’t left the house much since the incident but he liked to spot your movements through the house, you almost worked like clockwork, around the house, doing everything for the child, he despised it, that should be him that you were running around for in there, taking care of, cooking for, god he missed your cooking. One thing he hated more though was the way he saw you and Bucky looking at each other, even through windows he could feel the tension, making him want to tear his own eyes out.

He just needed to wait for the perfect opportunity, and that came the night that Sam came and took the kid over to the neighbours house, Matt figured something must be going on, they must be leaving the house, he had a chance, a chance to do what exactly he didn’t know, but he’d figure that out soon enough. He saw your neighbours leave your house, then you and your new man head out looking all dolled up, he couldn’t stand the sight of it, he waited a while longer, waiting for all the lights to shut off next door before making his move, he travelled to the back of the house, hopping the fence, scurrying across the garden until he reached the back door, taking off his leather jacket, balling it around his fist, he smashed the panel of glass closest to the lock, reaching through the newly made hole, flicking the lock open and letting himself into your home.

He took in the scent as he stepped through the threshold. Bergamot and orange blossom tingled in his nostrils, the strong smell instantly reminding him of you. He wondered aimlessly at first, taking in the sight of your home. The warm homey touches that covered every inch of the house, it sickened him. The house was spottles, considering a toddler lived there, but then again, he had trained you well, he didn't like you to be messy, he was glad to see you still kept things tidy just how he liked. Not that he was clean. he ventured up the stairs to find a bedroom t the end of the hall with the word 'Forrest' hung on the door in Buntin. He guessed that was the name of his child, he still didn't know if it was a girl or a boy, you had kept that fact well hidden from him. He stepped towards the room, opening the door with a creek, finding an array of colourful toys, a Peter Pan mural painted on the walls and fluffy cloud lamps and light fixtures. Even the cot bed had been made pristine, this woman was conditioned he thought to himself.

He looked through the small chest of drawers under the changing table fiddling with some of the small shirts when his eye landed on one baby grow in particular, a 'mama's boy' one, it felt like another kick in the teeth to know he had a son, in some sick way to him it felt like another man to take you away from him. He wished you had never ran away, that he had never left that day so he would have been able to sort this whole problem out, there would be no Forrest, and it could just be the two of you again. No he'd have to sort out the Forrest problem another time, when the little bleeder was home.

He came out of the room and closed the door behind him. next finding your bedroom, the room smelt sweet like your perfume, the smell overwhelming him, he walked to your vanity noticing the makeup you had left out, you never wore makeup when you were with him, his mind hurt at the thought of you dressing up to go out with another man, he looked over at the bed, thinking about all the different things Bucky has probably done to you in that bed. Matt stormed out the room and back down the stairs until he found the Kitchen, deciding to wait there for your return, which apparently wouldn't be too long a wait. He heard the front door opening as well as the distinct sound of kissing, the occasional grunt and soft moans from you, He stood in the doorway of the kitchen waiting for you to notice him, only for him to realise you were to caught up to care there was an intruder in your house. He flicked the light on beside him, sparking your fright.

"Well, isn't this cosy?" he spoke smugly, head tilted, sly sile on his face, even with his hand all bandaged up and the dark circles under his eyes, he still acted as though he was God's gift to the earth. before you have a chance to explain yourself Bucky chimes in from his place behind you. arms strong and protective around your waist. "What are you doing here, Matt?" he oozed confidence when he spoke, and almost seemed unbothered. "Just come to take what's mine" Matt sneered, daring to take a step closer, Bucky tightened his hold around your waist as he felt you shiver. "Oh, yeah, and what's that exactly, because I don't think you own anything in this house..." Matt scoffed at his response, there was something wild in his eyes, you just couldn't tell what it was.

"You know, I had a nice look around, Forrest, that the name of my son? You could have picked a better name Y/n really, and leaving him with the neighbours so you can fuck some random guy? You really are a whore" You tore away from Bucky's arms leaping forwards, slapping Matt so hard across the face your hand ached, you could see you had left an indentation on his cheek, the skin flared red and raised slightly. "You don't get to say his fucking name, get out" Matt held his cheek, shocked that you would dare to speak to him that way let alone lash out at him, you had been away from him too long. He lifted his hand up and cupped your cheek in his hand, softly which shocked you, Bucky took a step forwards but soon stopped when he saw you signal him to still. You looked into Matt's eyes, noticing how dead his eyes truly looked. "Come back to me please, I love you. You can leave the kid here and we'll go" It frightened you how fast it was for his emotions to change. You took his hand of your face and let it drop by his side, shaking your head.

"I will never be with you, ever again, you need to understand that Matt, you can't keep doing this, please just leave us alone" You spoke quietly to him, hoping he would hear you out. A sad laugh left his lips , shaking his head, "I'll get you one way or another, whether I have to take you fighting or dead, but I'm not gonna lose you Y/n, I don't lose..."

“You already have” you knew you’d regret those words the second they hit your brain but you couldn’t stop your mouth from saying them. You saw the way his nostrils flared and how he gritted his teeth, you could practically hear them grinding together in his mouth, he yanked on your wrist pulling you closer to him, Bucky stepping even closer ready to pull him away, “you’ll fucking regret that, I’m gonna make you wish that little brat was never born” You closed your eyes expecting to feel pain as Matt raised his hand, but as quickly as it was raised, it was gone, for Bucky had put himself in between the two of you, pushing you away gently with one arm while attacking with the other.

The sound of bones crushing, and blood splattering rung through your ears. The image of Matt having his face repeatedly slammed against your kitchen counter both terrified and elated you. Seeing Bucky in this feral state made your heart thump uncontrollably out of your chest. You called out for him to stop but the sound was lost to the deafening sound of Matt's cries. Through the commotion of the yelling and the sound of things smashing to the ground you missed the sound of Sam entering the house through the front door shield in hand. Sam ran over attempting to tear Bucky away, Bucky's face turning to horror once he saw what he had done. He stood over Matt's body watching his face swell and weep with blood, as he screwed himself into the foetal position on the floor, coughing and spluttering all over the tiles.

Blue and red flashing lights surround the kitchen as the promise of help fills the room. "You Okay man?" Sam asks nodding at Bucky, he stayed silent, giving a sharp tilt of his head, stretching out his fingers on his virbranium hand, wiping the blood off onto his shirt. You went to his side, stroking your hand down his chest hoping to gain his attention, his eyes met yours, but they were shallow, you touched his face softly, making sure his eyes stayed on you "You're okay, thank you for protecting me" He wrapped his arms around your shoulders pulling you flush against him, burrowing his head in the crook of your neck. "It's- (coughs) cap- Captain America" Matt spluttered out, a combination of drool and blood oozing from his mouth, he seemed delirious after taking several punches to the head. "Yeah, and you're in a whole lotta trouble" Sam scoffed, turning to open the front door as the police and paramedics came up the drive.

After being checked over and giving statements to the police, you couldn't help but smile at the sight of Matt being handcuffed in the back of an ambulance, with the promise from the police that not only breaking and entering, but breaking his restraining order and continued harassment should be enough to keep him behind bars, if not only for a while, you were free.

Yourself and Bucky were sitting on the couch in your living room, the both of you quiet, not knowing what to say to one another. You decided to make the first move, opting to face him on the sofa, sitting cross legged opposite from him. His head turned in query as to what you were doing, but soon turned to face you. "So, what a way to end a first date..." you let the words linger, searing his face for any sign of amusement. A small smile lifted to his lips as your words sunk in, his head tilting towards you. "It was a date huh?" he smirked, eyes lighting up a tad more, losing the dullness that had reached them earlier. "We went for dinner, we laughed and you kissed me, then you saved me from Matt, I'd say that's a pretty successful date, wouldn't you?" You leaned forwards, brushing hand along the vibranium limb that sat along the back of the sofa. He laughed nodding. "So you had a good time up until the end?" he queries. "I had a great time, the entirety of it, no one has ever stood up for me the way you do, I'm really grateful...I just wish we hadn't been interrupted" You could feel yourself drawing closer to him, the magnetic buzz between you was back.

Bucky inched closer to you, his face mere centimetres from yours, his breath was warm across your face, he smelt like his cologne and a tint of dried blood, it was enough to send you into a frenzy. "What would you have wanted to happen if we were uninterrupted?" He bumped his nose against yours, tilting your head to the side, gliding his nose over neck, smelling your sweet scent, brushing his lips against your neck with feather light touches. "I'd let you do anything you wanted to me, you can take whatever you want" your breath was nothing more than a gasp as he kissed his way up your neck. "Careful, doll, I might actually do it" his breath fanned your face as he kissed around your cheeks, and jaw. He felt the way your fingers dug into the metal of his arm. "I want you to Bucky" in one swift movement he hauled you into his lap, his arms encasing your body, you squeaked as he lifted you, laying your hands on his broad shoulders feeling the muscles under his shirt. Smoothing over the soft fabric. His own hands wandered, feeling over the silk of your dress, slipping the fabric and bunching it up at your thighs, you gasped at the cool feeling of the metal hand digging into your flesh.

His lips delved in first, yours meeting in the meeting, melting together, melting together in a frantic fashion. His tongue brushed along your bottom lip, asking for access, you opened your mouth wider gladly receiving him. His tongue massaged its way into your mouth gliding along your own tongue. You gripped his shoulders a little tighter, his flesh hand gliding up the front of your body, in between the valley of your breast, settling around your neck. He kissed you as if he had kissed you a thousand times before. It felt natural. You started moving your hips against his, slowly and unintentional at first, but at first sound of your pleasure, Bucky soon started guiding your hips, working you back and forth loving the sounds of the soft mewls coming from your mouth. “Good girl, lie back for me”  

You settled back onto the sofa, leaning your head on the arm rest, Bucky settled between your legs, continuing to kiss and nip at your neck while you got yourself comfortable, you giggled as his stubble tickled the sensitive skin between your neck and collar bone, throwing your head back against the arm rest. “God, I want to hear that sound for the rest of my life” he muttered as he kissed his way down your chest, his hands massaging their way over your body, squeezing at your breasts, you moaned his name quietly urging him not to stop. “I could listen to that too” His vibranium hand pushed up the silk skirt of your dress until it was fully bunched up around your waist, exposing the most precious lacey white underwear he’s ever laid his eyes on. He nuzzled his head into your sternum holding onto your waist tightly, kissing your stomach, he noticed small scars the further he pushed your dress up, some obvious burn marks where Matt must have put out cigarettes on you, others small, jagged like the one on your face. He noticed the slight hesitation in your eyes as he kissed over your stomach. “You’re beautiful you know that” you nodded, eyes fluttering as he headed further down south.

“Tell me to stop at any time, I just want you to feel good okay” your eyes met and you watched as he settled between your thighs, placing each of them over his shoulders, you swore you had died and gone to heaven, the sight of the beautiful blue eyed man kissing the soft skin of your inner thighs, swearing only to make you feel good. His arms wrapped around your waist once more pulling you closer to him, the force making you let out a straggled moan. Bucky pressed a kiss to your covered pussy, a shiver running up your spine. He continued to kiss at the bundle of nerves through the lace of your underwear, your back arching upwards in pleasure.

Moving his vibranium hand down he slipped the material to the side, pressing a cool metal digit onto your clit, swirling in circles, you gasped, hips jutting forwards, his flesh hand around your waist, pinning you back down holding you in place. You watched him as he stared at your pussy, glistening with arousal for him, dripping down onto the sofa, he looked like a hunter waiting to dine on his prey, you only opened your legs a little further for him, encouraging him in. Not a second later he dived in.

Lips wrapping around your clit, sucking and kissing it with the perfect pressure, you weee sure your head would explode, he swirled his tongue around the pulsing nerve enjoying the whimpers and moans that escaped your lungs, he looked up while continuing his assault, watching the way your chest would rise and fall, how your head had fallen back on the arm rest, exposing your neck, breathing so heavily the vein stuck out on your neck. He reached up with his flesh hand, palming your left breast, your back arching into his touch.

He licked at the entrance of your cunt, sucking up some of the wetness that had dripped out, “Bucky” you moaned his name for the first time sending vibrations through his entire body, straight to his cock. “You like that doll?” You nodded letting out another staggered moan as he fucked his tongue into your hole. He could feel your walls clenching around his tongue, he withdrew the muscle only for you to sit up in protest, you whine at the loss of contact but soon that turns into a whine of pleasure when one of metal digits enters you instead. Your eyebrows furrow in pleasure, sitting up on your elbows so you could watch him better.

You saw the smirk on his face while he slowly entered you, seemingly rubbing all the right spots, the cool of the metal mixed with the searing heat of your walls creating a beautiful blend of warmth. “That feel better babydoll?” Your brain couldn’t comprehend words at this current moment, your back arching and head falling back onto the sofa arm once more. “I’ll take that as a yes” he spoke smugly, working his finger in and out, applying the perfect amount of pressure, lips reattaching to your clit.

You could feel a heat raising inside you, one that you had never reached with another person before. You tangled your fingers through his hair, tugging him impossibly closer to your heat. You were panting, hips rutting into his face, you were sure you’d never felt this level of pleasure in your life. He soon found your g spot, softly nudging it over and over again, earning himself a lewd moan of his name, he could feel your walls clenching and spasms around his finger, he knew you were close, looking up loving the sight before his eyes. Sweat kissing your skin, mouth ajar with gasps and moans, chest raised to the sky. You were right there. “Be a good girl y/n, I want you to cum”

He spoke into your cunt and you fell apart. A scream making its way from your lungs while you writhed. He sucked and lapped up all the juices as they dripped from your pussy, sucking you dry, your body shaked and you felt yourself going limp. Bucky lifted himself up settling above you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips, you involuntarily moaned at the taste of your essence on his lips. He pulled back smiling like a Cheshire Cat. “Did you enjoy that” with your legs still trembling beside his hips and a blissed out look on your face, it should have been telling enough. “You have no idea, no one has ever made me feel that good before, you sergeant James Barnes may have just ruined masterbating for me for life” you sighed, throwing your head back dramatically. He laughed , leaning forwards to press another kiss to your lips. He settled down after a moment, laying his head on your chest, listening to the thrum of your heart, while your fingers combed through his hair. You can’t remember a time that you felt so at home and relaxed while not with your son.

The two of you laid there most the night, talking away, sharing the odd kiss, and eventually falling asleep in the same position, only waking when the first sight of sunlight streamed through the living room curtains. The sight of the man still sleeping soundly, on your chest with his arms wrapped snuggly around you, you felt complete and safe, for the first time in a long time.

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“Oh, I was just making some breakfast for us, to say thank you for everything… Uh there’s bacon and eggs, sausage, pancakes and a bunch of other stuff, thought it would be different from your usual raisin bran” You joked with him, unintentionally getting closer and closer with each sentence. “Well, it all smells amazing.” Bucky lowered his face towards yours, noses nearly touching. Your, breathe caught in your throat as you starred up into his eyes, losing yourself for a moment, you felt Bucky tug you closer, barely a centimetre, nose brushing against the side of yours. “Mama!” You’re pulled from the moment and dragged swiftly into reality by the voice of Forrest, throwing his toast on the floor. Clearing your throat, you stepped away from Bucky, heat rising painfully to your cheeks.

“You all done baby?” you ask the rhetorical question, turning fully to face your son, he nods, raising his arms to be taken out of his highchair. You pull him out and walk him into the living, placing him down in his play creche. You come back to the kitchen to find Bucky serving up the breakfast from the stove. You walk to stand next to him, bumping your hip against his as you reach him, “I’m supposed to be doing that” Bucky turns his head to look at you, smirking as he placed bacon on the plates. “You do it every day, let me take care of it, go and sit down” eyes widening at the order, but you followed non the less. Bucky smiled as he placed your breakfast down in front of you, Buck deciding to take the seat just next to you. You spoke back and forth as you ate, passing stolen looks between one another.

Yourself, and Sarah watched as Sam and Bucky chased the boys around the front garden along with other kids from the street, all clambering over the men for their attention. You sipped your drink coquettishly as you eyed Bucky. His eyes meeting yours every now and again, lips turning up into a smirk. Sarah laughed as she looked between the two of you. “Damn, you really letting that man do a number on you huh?” Sarah shook her head as she spoke. You tutted slapping your hand against her arm. “I don’t know, it’s just nice for Forrest to have a male figure around I guess.” Your eyes continue to follow Bucky as you speak, watching how he plays with Forrest, taking him in his arms, tickling his belly. Sarah watches the small smile that etches its way onto your face when you look at the pair. “Has something happened between the two of you?” Her wide-eyed gaze makes you feel as if you were under a magnifying glass, she could always see straight through you. “Not exactly…” Your stare remains forwards on Bucky, and that’s telling enough for Sarah, as if you were under some sort of spell drawn to him, she laughed quietly, sipping her drink.

Forrest giggled while Bucky chased him around with the other kids. His laugh ringing in the super soldiers’ ears sounding like a sweet symphony. He sat with the toddler in his lap while the bigger kids still played, the little boy relaxing into his frame, Sam sat next to him drinking his beer, across the lawn he could see Y/n’s tender gaze following her son. Their eyes meet and they share a knowing nod. “So, you gonna tell me there’s nothing going on between the two of you?” Bucky ignores Sam’s comment, opting to play with Forrest’s curls instead. “Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be huh?” Bucky licks his teeth in annoyance turning his head to the side to face Sam. “Just leave it alone, she’s been through a lot, she doesn’t need men boggling all over her” he scoffs shaking his head. “So, you admit it, you have been looking” Sam nudges Bucky just to wind him up all the more. “Sam.” He warns. “Bucky” Sam jokes. “Mama” Forrest points over to his mum with both hands, the men now discovering that Sarah and Y/n were walking towards them. Bucky let go of Forrest and watched as he toddled over to her, Y/n already crouched down on the ground arms open ready to receive him.

“Hey” You smiled as you stood to your full height, Bucky now standing, coming to position himself beside you, holding Forrest between the two of you. His flesh hand tickling Forrest once more, then sliding down grazing your hand. The moment not going unnoticed by Sarah and Sam, who shared a look smirking at each other. “So, guys Sam and I were thinking, we could take care of Forrest tonight and you guys could hang out” Sarah gave Sam a nudge as he uttered out a ‘huh?’ under his breath. “Oh yeah, we’d love to hang out with the little guy and-” “Are you two trying to parent trap us?” you cut off Sams babbling and eyeball the pair of them accusingly. “What’s a parent trap?” Bucky asks confused. “Oh, come on!-” “only one of the best films ever made-” “How have you never seen the parent trap!” you all spoke over each other, Bucky raising both his hands jumping to his own defence. “Jeez sorry, forget I asked.”

 Forrest lifted his arms towards Bucky and started mumbling “bu…bububub” You all go wide eyed, and you have to practically pick your jaw off the floor. You hand Forrest over to Bucky and observe the way he nestles his head into his chest, something he seems to love doing. “Seriously, I’ve known you since birth and you can’t be bothered to learn my name!” Sarah jokingly scolds your son. “Come on now, Bub is easier for him to say than Sarah” you sass back. “Aw, have you been calling him Bub around the house?” Sam reaches up to pinch Buckys’ cheek, earning a harsh glare from the pair of you. “No” you both say in unison. Sarah changes the subject. “Okay, so I’ll take Forrest for the night and you two can go out for dinner or something”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this, I’m gonna kill you” you chided Sarah through your ensuite door. “You’ll have a good time” she shouted back. You come out having done your makeup and hair, Sarah was flicking through your wardrobe finding something when she turned to look at you. “Wow” “does it look bad?” you panic, tugging your hair, turning to look in a mirror. She comes to stop your fidgeting grasping your hands. “No, you look beautiful, I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you wearing makeup before, you look great.” She nods at you smiling, brushing your hair back into place with her fingers. “I found this dress in the back of your closet, I think it will look nice, one suggestion though?” you nod in acknowledgement, “Please don’t wear your ugly ass maternity bra you always wear, please tell me you have some nice underwear!” you gasp and smack her arm “he’s not gonna see my underwear!” “He might!” you cringe at the thought, feeling your entire body flush. You had never been with anyone apart from Matt, and those wear the most unpleasant experiences imaginable. He had littered your body with scars, reminders that he was in your life permanently.

When you enter the kitchen where Bucky is sat , wearing a black slip dress and heals, he feels although he might have died and gone to heaven, because surely it was an angel that just walked into the room and stole all the breath from his lungs. He forgot all about the troubles that plague him daily and could only focus on you. “You, uh… you look beautiful” he scratched the back of his neck bashfully, looking you up and down. You carry on towards him, until you’re stood just in front of him, taking in the sight of him. He wore dark jeans and a long sleeve button down, that fitted so perfectly over every muscle it was like it was a piece of him. “You look good too” you never wanted to meet his eyes for fear of never being able to look away again, but you willed yourself to, admiring the blue swirls and the way his pupils dilated when you complimented him. “You ready to go?” he held out his hand for you to take, leading you out of the kitchen and out the house. Unknowing that Sam and Sarah were watching from her kitchen window as the pair walked down the driveway closely side by side.

The restaurant was quiet, dimly lit with fairy lights and candles, music playing quietly throughout the room. You and Bucky were tucked away in a corner booth, barely any space between the pair of you, your knees knocked together when either of you shuffled around nervously, but neither of you minded. The waitress approached your table offering another round of drinks which you thankfully accepted. As she walked away again you could feel Bucky’s eyes trailing over, raising that fire to your skin once more. “What are you staring at?” you whisper, eyes locking with his. “You, you’re beautiful” he retorted simple enough, but it still took your breath away. You looked down into your lap, picking at your fingernails, a nervous habit you had picked up through your previous relationship. “Do you not believe me?” his voice was low and assured. “I… Um… I just guess no one has ever really said anything like that to me, other than my parents, and Sarah…” You continue to look down, “I guess after everything, I just don’t feel pretty, he liked to make me feel bad you know… to keep me I guess-”

 Bucky cut you off. “Hey, we don’t have to talk about any of this if you don’t want, we can just have a nice evening” he brushed the hair out of your eyes, unintentionally brushing against your scar, his touch so soft unlike the one that had given it to you. “No, it’s fine, it’s only right I tell you. You’ve spent all this time looking out for me and Forrest and you still know nothing about me.” Your waitress came back with your drinks placing them down on the table with a smile, you both thanked her before she turned away. You took a sip of your drink as Bucky examined the way twitched around anxiously.

 “I met him when I was 22, my nana had left me her café in her will, so I’d been running it for about a year and it was the happiest I had ever been. When we first met it wasn’t so bad, he was semi sweet I guess, would take me out to the movies and stuff, but he was possessive, if a guy even so much as looked at me he would attack them, I guess I should have left then, but I’d never had a boyfriend before, so I didn’t know it wasn’t normal. When I moved in with him that’s when things really got bad.” You stop to breathe for a moment, eyes not moving from the candle flickering on the table, watching how the wax dribbled down the stick. Bucky reached his Vibranium hand into yours, the cool of the metal soothing your flushed skin.

“As soon as I moved in, he treated me like a maid, which I didn’t mind, but if I ever missed something, he would get mad. I remember the first time he hit me like it was yesterday. I had done the washing up but didn’t put it away like he’d asked, I told him he could do it for once, and he slapped me… I can still feel the way it made my cheek burn.” The lump in your throat was hard to swallow as you carried on. “He’d hit me for every little thing I did wrong, to the point I’d be going into work with black eyes telling customers I fell down the stairs, I’d always heard about those women who lie about being hurt by their partners, but I refused to believe it was actually happening to me. The bruising was so bad sometimes I couldn’t go into work, that’s when he suggested selling the shop… To save face… I couldn’t believe what I was hearing but I went along with it anyway, thought it would be easier to do as I’m told then risk the consequences of saying no.” You huffed. You felt the odd tear slip down your face but chose to ignore them.

“The worst was probably when he’d had a party, and I sat next to one of his friends, he didn’t like that, he wouldn’t let me speak to people, he limited who and when I spoke to people, I probable only saw my parents three times in the five years we were together. Anyway, once everyone had left, he went on a rampage, I was kicked into next Christmas, and he threw several glasses at me, a few of them smashed and one piece got stuck in my face” You pointed to the scar by your eyebrow. “I got taken into the ER, and I had a broken collar bone and a few cracked ribs, he told me when I got back that if I ever flirted with his friends again, he'd kill me”

“Why didn’t you leave sooner?” Bucky’s jaw was tensed, the muscles under his shirt tight with anger. “I never had a reason to, I thought I deserved everything that happened to me, then I found out I was pregnant, he instantly assumed it wasn’t his, told me to ‘deal with the problem or he would’ I knew I had to get out of there then, I had a reason. I took his car when he’d left for work, I didn’t know where I was going, I knew I couldn’t go to my parents in Cali, he’d find me, so I just carried on driving until I got here.” Bucky wipes away the stray tears that fall down your face, and holds your cheek in his hand, tugging your chin up so you meet his eyes. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all that, I know it’s not easy dealing with traumatic bullshit” he nods assuring you he understands, and it’s all you need. “Thank you” you whisper, a small empathic smile gracing your lips. You pull forwards into his embrace and wrap your arms around his shoulders, resting your head in the crook of his neck, you take in his scent, he smells like the perfect mix of wood and spice, the fragrance filling your nose. His arms wrap around the small of your waist, hands spreading against the silk of your dress, digging in as if to pull you closer. His lips moved to brush against the shell of your ear. “Wanna get out of here?” his voice low. You only nodded without pulling away.

You soon reached the front door of your house. You couldn’t help as you walked down the driveway but nosily check Sarah’s house, noticing all the lights out in the front of the house, a good indicator everyone was in bed. Before putting the keys in the door, you turned to face him, not knowing if you have a sudden burst of confidence from the alcohol you’d consumed or the way he had listened to you tonight. “I really like you.” You nodded quickly assuring yourself it was the right thing to say. “I like you too.” Bucky agrees with a laugh. “No, I mean I really, like you. And I like the way you are with Forrest, and the way you look after us, while barely knowing us” This time you look into his eyes, finding his usual blues replaced by dilated pupils. He spared a breath, jaw ticking as he looked over your face dictating your next move.

With one strong Vibranium arm around your waist he pulled you into him, planting his lips firmly on yours. A short, sweet peck that lasted no more than a second before he pulled away. Stormy eyes returning, searching yours for a response. Your arms wrap around his neck, drawing him back to you. You pressed your lips against his enjoying the soft feel of his working against yours. The kiss was passionate, unlike anything you had ever experienced before, his tongue glided along your bottom lip, a faint moan falling from the back of your throat as his tongue pushed through, his hands gripped at your waist harder, one gliding along the curvature of your back, down to rest on the top of your bum. Your fingers laced through his hair tugging in appreciation. He took a step forward pressing himself right up against you, needing to feel you closer to him. You let out another louder moan as his tongue swirled against yours, he backed you up to the door, trapping you, not that you minded. His mouth left yours and you chased hi with another kiss, he laughed softly at your eagerness, his lips caressing the side of your face, kissing over your scar, as well as your cheek and jaw. “We should go inside” he teased. Nodding eagerly, you unlocked your door, practically pawing at each other as you stepped into the house.

 Hearing the kitchen light switch on, you pulled apart, just enough to see what was going on, Bucky’s arms still around your waist, yours on his chest, but the smiles on your faces soon turned sour. “Well, isn’t this cosy” Your eyes widened, you felt yourself shrink into yourself, only this time Bucky was there behind you to protect you from the start. “What are you doing here Matt?”

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You hear a tap on the glass door and go through kitchen into the main shop to kind your employee Kay standing at the door smiling, clutching a bunch of flowers in her arms. You unlocked the door opening enough to let her in before securing the lock again, "Hey Kay, how are you?" you embrace her in a side hug "I'm good thanks, I got these flowers for the counter, I saw them yesterday and they reminded me of you, so you know" the thought brought a smile to your face in an instant. "Oh thank you, that's so cute" You find a jug to put them in, arranging the carnations on the counter next to the till. Yourself and Kay continue baking and prepping for the day ahead, finishing off some icing and glazing before placing the first batches into the display counter and finishing setting up.

The morning flew by, your regulars came in for their morning coffee and pastries, the couple of old ladies who come by once a week to pick up a loaf of bread and some cakes stopped by and had a chat, and a few college students stopped in, you were happy with how business was going, until you saw a certain head of curls across the street, dark eyes looking your way, his figure loomed over you like a dark omen, you just knew something terrible was about to happen, you could tell by the way he sat there chain smoking and swigging from his coffee cup, that was most likely not coffee, he wore a smug smile across his face while he continued to stare at you.

"Okay Boss, I'm gonna run down the road and grab some lunch, you want anything?" You tore your gaze away from the menacing stare of your ex to meet Kay's. "Uh, no I'm good thanks" she nodded and headed out the door, down the street and out of sight. You were alone. Shit. You look up again and see that Matt had moved from his spot on the wall across your shop, and was moving hastily towards you. You clamber over the counter and try to make it to the door before him, but you're too late. The sweet ding off the bell above the door ringing leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. "Get out Matt, you can't be here" you try to be firm but your voice only comes out broken.

"Or what, you gonna call the cops? You know they won't do anything" He stalks towards you until your backed up against your counter, the hard wood digging into your back. "Matt seriously, leave me alone, please" you were willing yourself not to cry but couldn't help the few stray tears that slipped down your cheeks. Matt picked up the jug of flowers smashing them down against the counter with force causing the glass to shatter, a few shards cutting your arm in the process. "Don't you fucking cry or I'll give you something to cry about" His hands wrapped around your neck cutting off your supply of oxygen while he threw you against the window, keeping you pinned there by your neck. You sputtered out a choke as tears slipped down your face, only making him grip you impossibly tighter, "You wanna fucking cry, you ran away while you were pregnant with my child, I have a right to see them, huh, where is the little brat" He shook your neck bashing your head against the glass. You only hoped he would tire himself out, he usually didn't last long when he'd had a drink anyway.

Over all the commotion you didn't hear the bell of the door opening, and you didn't see Bucky coming to stand behind Matt but thank the lord he did. "You're gonna wanna let the lady go" As soon as you heard his voice your senses ignited, your eyes opened and the tears stopped flowing immediately. Matt loosened his grip but refused to let go. "yeah or what" he scoffed before throwing his head over his shoulder catching a glimpse of your rescuer. You could have sworn you saw him recoil into himself, something you had never once seen. However his fear was short lived and soon replaced by anger once more. "Who's this guy huh? what you just opened your legs for the first guy you said hi to here, you whor-" the second his grip tightened around your neck once more it was enough to send Bucky into overdrive.

He reached forwards wrapping his hand around Matts wrist bending it backwards until you were sure you heard a snap, while Matt screamed Bucky secured an arm around you, giving you the once over, not stopping until you gave him a nod. "Oh I'm gonna fucking kill you, you stupid bitch" in a poor attempt to throw a punch Matt practically threw himself at Bucky, who didn't seem the slightest bit phased, caught Matt by his throat with his vibranium arm, squeezing until he was red in the face. Matt coughed attempting to pull back, Bucky only pulled him closer, clenching his fist all that bit harder. He pulled him close enough that his mouth reached Matts ear. "If you come near her again, I'll fucking finish the job" with those words he pushed Matt away from the two of them, Matt scrambling away and out the door nearly falling to the floor in the process. You let out a sigh you didn't know you were holding, feeling the weight of the world fall off your shoulders for just a moment.

Hot tears spill down your cheeks again in slow steady streams, burning the skin in their wake. "Thank you" you breathed out, your shaking hands reaching up to wipe your face, it's then your realise the blood dripping from a glass made gash on your arm, dripping down your fingers and onto the floor. "Hey, let me take a look at that, make sure you don't need stitches" you pull your arm away from him recoiling into yourself, "no it's fine, you've done enough, you can go, thank you Bucky" You stare at the floor the entire time watching as small droplets of blood begin to litter the tiles. "I'm not leaving in case he comes back, in fact I'm gonna patch you up and we're gonna get Forrest and go home, okay, sound good?" His hand raised to your cheek gaining your attention from your disoriented state, he wipes away the tears as they form under your eyes, brushing them away from your skin, you close your eyes for a moment allowing the feeling to sooth you.

"Alright lets get you cleaned up"

After the incident at the bakery Sam, Bucky and Sarah had been on high alert, Sam brought up the fact that they could have Torres flown in to be your own personal bodyguard, the thought daunting, that you might actually need one. Then Sarah brough up the fact that there are two more than capable 'bodyguards' here if they want to help. And that's how you ended up here, with Bucky living in your spare room for the past two nights, seemingly watching your every move afraid you'll shatter like glass.

What shocked you the most was how quickly Forrest had taken to Bucky, usually he was shy around people for weeks, hell he’s been going to nursery for a year and still won’t let some of the day care assistants hold or play with him. In a way you were glad he was so reserved, made you think that he would never just run off with a stranger, or your psycho ex. But with Bucky he was different, he seemed to open up pretty much straight away, showing him his favourite toys, wanting to sit next to him on the sofa, wherever you looked you would see Forrest’s little hand reaching up for Buck’s trying to show him something, the sight bringing a dull ache to your chest. Maybe it was the lack of a male presence in his life that made him take to Bucky so well, but you were grateful either way.

You were settling down for the evening after feeding Forrest his dinner, the three of you snuggled up on the couch watching a Disney movie before you put Forrest down for bed. You couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling filling your body as you watched Forrest nuzzle into Bucky’s side, his head leaning on his chest. You found your head lulling to the side more often than watching the film, admiring the pair of them, Forrest occasionally pointing to the screen and muttering some gibberish to Bucky excitedly. Towards the end of the film, Forrest had fallen asleep, cuddled into Buck’s side. “I better get him up to bed” you sighed in content beginning to sit up from your comfy seated position. “I can take him up if you want” Bucky spoke in a hushed tone, already slipping his arms around the boy and standing from the sofa. “Why don’t we go up together?" You smiled, getting up from the sofa and following Bucky up the stairs into your sons’ room, you admired the way Bucky gently placed him down on the changing table as if he had done it a thousand times, and stood aside letting you get the baby changed ready for bed. Once he had a fresh nappy and pyjamas on, Bucky picked him up once more, leaning over the side of the cot and smoothly placed Forrest down into his bed, without him stirring once. You both stood there and smiled over the sleeping baby for a moment before retreating back downstairs.

You opened a bottle of wine grabbing two glasses, heading back into the living room finding Bucky back in his original spot on the sofa once more. “I never really got the chance to thank you for the other day, or explain…” You avoided eye contact as you sat down, fiddling with the stem of your wine glass in an attempt to distract yourself. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, I’m just glad I was able to help is all” Bucky responds coyly, wrapping a hand around yours in an attempt to stop your nervous fidgeting around the glass. “Sarah spoke to me… She said that she told you guys about Matt… That you seemed pretty upset” you plucked up the courage to look in his eyes, as you did, he looked away, shaking his head. Almost embarrassed. “I uh… I don’t know what to tell you…” There was a pause after he spoke, neither of you knowing what to say. “Why do you care so much, you don’t know me?”

Bucky scoffed, seeming taken aback by your comment, as if someone caring about your well being was a problem. “Why wouldn’t I care, especially after hearing the shit he put you through, that would be enough to make any sane person mad, no?” His response seemed valid, even if you didn’t want to admit it, if it had been you that had found Sarah pregnant and sleeping in her car, hearing her situation you would have been just as furious. You understood where he was coming from. “I guess…” Your sentence trailed off and you stared into your empty wine glass. Bucky took the hint and opened the bottle of wine, filling your glass more than you normally would have, you giggled side eyeing him, tilting the glass up to your eyeline. “You trying to get me drunk Barnes, you know there’s a sleeping toddler upstairs right” you joked, clinking your glass with his, just as full. He laughed along shaking his head.

After sinking one or two bottles of wine, you felt yourself growing more confident. The wine raising a sweet pink blush to your cheeks which Bucky found undeniably cute, he found himself drawing closer to you and you let him, there was no room between you, his arm encased the back of the sofa around your shoulders, your head occasionally falling back to rest on the limb, your thigh hunched up resting on his own, as you chatted the night away truly getting to know each other. If Sam were to look in through the window Bucky knows he would have a shit eating grin plastered on his face at the sight of his best friend this close to a girl after so many years. And you couldn’t help but admit, it felt nice to be this close to someone, especially after the only relationship you had ever been in was an abusive one, you thought you would find it hard to trust, but Bucky made you feel at ease the second you were near him.

“So, what’s it like being a superhero?” you enquired eyes wide with wonder. He scoffed again shaking his head, and attribute you would soon grow attached to. “I’m no superhero doll” you shook your head, taking his glass out of his hand and placing it on the coffee table, you place yourself directly in his eyeline, practically sitting in his lap. “Oh common! You fought Thanos’ army, helped bring down that Zemo guy and you just stopped the flag smashers! And to top it off you were sergeant of the Howling Commandos. I’d say that’s pretty superhero-esque to me” you wink at him and couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the look on his face. “Okay stalker, someone’s done their homework” he laughs out, he raised his hands in defence, lowering them to rest on your lower back and his Vibranium hand on your thigh, your hands settled on his shoulders, and you gave them a light squeeze, feeling intrigued by the feeling of the metal under his shirt.

 “Of course, I had to, I’m not gonna let some strange man I don’t know stay in the same house as my son, am I?” you tilted your head to the side, eyeing him quizzically. “Of course, not” The flesh hand holding your back began to stroke up your back and you forgot to breathe for a moment. His hand stilled in the centre of your back, laying there flat and steady. You stared into the blues of his eyes, realizing now just how deep they really are. How much history they hold behind them, how many horrors he too has seen. You felt his gaze searching your own, tracing every spec on your face, you saw his eyes linger by your eyebrow where your scar was and regrettably you tore your own pair away from his face. Removing yourself from his lap, standing before him. He sat there; brows furrowed slightly in question as to why you were leaving. “I should get to bed, I have to get back to work tomorrow, but thank you Bucky for a lovely evening, thank you for everything…” You spoke to the floor before turning hurriedly towards the stairs. “Yeah, yeah, no problem… No problem at all…” Bucky spoke shallowly to himself wondering what he had done wrong.

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@unaxv @mrsnikstan

Bucky's ears tingled with the sound of Cass and Aj's voices echoing through the house as they played, along with the clatter of feet smacking against the wood floors and laughter. A smile crept its way to Bucky's face as himself and Sam walked down the drive to Sarah's house, upon hearing the chaos that ensued inside. The sun beamed down in golden streams lighting the path towards the house, that's when he saw her, sitting on the front lawn with Sarah, smile on her face, eyes gleaming and laughing along with something Sarah had said to her. He felt it instantly in his chest, his heart stopped for a minute.

"You okay, Cyborg?" Sam nudged his vibranium arm arching his brow in question. "Yeah, yeah sorry, thought I forgot my keys but we're good" Sam side eyed him but continued down the path to the house.

"Sam! Bucky! Hey! Kids your uncle Sam is here!" Sarah called out to the boys, rising from her seated position from the floor, her unknown companion says something about drinks and heads inside, not before turning her head and nodding towards the two men. "Hey baby sis" Sam engulfs her in a hug as the pair reach, her reply about not being a baby is muffled by Sam's chest which gains a laugh from Bucky. "How are you guys doing?" Bucky asks as they split, nodding his head towards the house.

"You know, we're good, busy as ever, the kids miss their uncle though" she nudges Sam. "Hey, not just anyone can be Captain America, think of the street cred those kids will get" Sarah and Bucky both roll their eyes scoffing in unison. "Anyway I have a question, who was your hot friend that was sitting with you?" Sam wiggled his eyebrows smirking looking back towards the house, where you could be seen in the kitchen window making a pitcher of lemonade.

"Sam! That's my friend Y/n, she lives next door, and she has a bakery in town" She sighed as she answered knowing she couldn't avoid the question. "Yeah, yeah okay, but is she single" Sam enquired rather pointedly. "Not for you, she's not, stay away Sam! I'm serious she got out of a real bad relationship and she doesn't want to date!" Bucky couldn't help but feel his own heart break a bit, he didn't know what was wrong with him, he hadn't even met you. Just as Sam was about respond, no doubt some witty comment about being the hero to sweep you off your feet, the sound of the front door opening interrupted them, Cass and AJ came out carrying a pitcher and glasses placing them on the outdoor table before pouncing towards their uncle and his friend. But Bucky couldn't keep his eyes off the front door as you emerged with a little boy attached to your hip, he pointed at the sky and muttered something as your pointed back a smile adorning your face as you approached the group.

"Hey" you breathed out as you reached everyone, standing next to Bucky, you couldn't help but feel judged as you felt his strong gaze unwavering on you and your son. You didn't know much about Bucky, just what Sarah had told you, the former Winter Solder turned good guy, born in 1917, Hydra captive then the Wakandans broke his trigger words or something like that. But why was he staring at you, was it because there was no apparent ring on your ring finger and you had a baby, you knew he was from a different time but surely he didn't think so outdated. "Hi, I'm Bucky" he extends his had to you, you shake it nervously, unwrapping one arm from your child to do so. "Y/n".

"Hi I'm Sam, and who's this little guy?" Sam gives you a wave, then tilts his head smiling at the boy in your arms, who buries his head in your chest at the sudden attention. "Oh this is Forrest, you gonna say hi baby" you tickle the babies belly erupting the sweetest giggle from him as he nuzzles further into your chest, "sorry he's shy around new people" you smile stroking his curls away from his eyes. "Aw just like you Bucky" Sam laughs which earns him a smack from Sarah. "How old is he" Bucky asks quietly, still not looking away from you, "He's one and half" this time you speak directly to Bucky turning more and meeting his eyes, it's then you realise the soft smile he wears across his face as he looks rather intently at you.

As you turn towards him, Bucky takes notice of your face, committing it to memory, he notes every line, freckle, the way your smile curves, the slight indentations in your cheeks as you do, the way your nose crinkles as you look at your son, how your eyes seem to brighten when you talk about him, then he notices a small scar on the side of your face above your eyebrow, how the jagged little line fades into the skin. He spots another faded scar like it on your hand as you continue to brush back the babes hair away from his face. Forrest points up to the sky and excitedly squeaks "bird" as one flies overhead. Bucky again couldn't help but make another mental note, this time of the way the baby who very much resembled his mother, and how his little face lit up at the sight.

"Oh well done Forrest, bird!" Sarah came forwards enthusiastically clapping her hands pointing to the sky. "Bird! Bird! brr brrr brrr-" Forrest continued to babble away to himself, pointing to the sky at the birds. "Bird was his first word, that's pretty much all he says besides mama and bye, he loves birds" you laugh bouncing him on your hip. "Oh Sam he'd love you in your bird costume!" Sarah jokes, Sam however who's eyes seem to pop out of their sockets at the comment does not find it funny, while Bucky laughs. "Costume! it's a suit, a suit that saves the world I'll have you know! bird costume.." he tuts kissing his teeth.

"Well I think your bird costume is cool uncle Sam" AJ pipes in. "Me too" Cass adds though is overlapped by a heavily frustrated Sam "-it's not a bird costume!! you know what, next time any of you guys need saving I'm leaving y'all to fend for yourselves. pfft bird costu-" his rant was cut short by Sarah "Well that's not true and you know it, you love me big brother, kids get in on this" Sam is soon bundled to the floor by Sarah and the kids piling on top of him all of them laughing harmoniously.

"Okay as much as I want to stay I have to get this little angel down for his nap, so I'll head back to mine, thanks for letting us play guys" You shout at the group hearing a faint 'okay love you' from Sarah under all the laughing. You turn to Bucky and smile, "It was nice to meet you Bucky, maybe see you again sometime" this time you extend your hand to him which he took in a heartbeat. Smoothing his thumb over the soft skin as he stands a little taller nodding. "Yeah it was great meeting you guys, bye Forrest" he turns his attention towards the tired toddler in your arms who sleepily lifts his hand giving Bucky a small wave goodbye, making the old mans heart skip a few beats. "Bye Bucky" you gently let your hand slip from his holding eye contact with him for just a few more seconds before daring to tare yourself away.

As you carry yourself down the driveway, one thing you were certain of. Bucky had made your heart melt in just a few small moments.

Bucky and Sam had been staying with Sarah for two nights now. The pair of them loving the 'uncle duties' as Sam liked to call it, playing with the kids while Sarah worked, showing them how to fly Redwing and dangling off Uncle Bucky trying to take him to the ground. Buck wouldn't admit it, but he secretly loved how the kids had taken to him so quickly. the thought of being a part of a family especially one with kids seemed so far out of reach, so he appreciated Sam for letting him join his. However, he did feel a tinge of disappointment over the fact that you had not been over to visit since the first day they had arrived. Sure, he had caught a glance of you cooking in your own kitchen window when they were on their way out yesterday afternoon, and sure you heard a commotion through your open window looking up in an instant hoping to catch a glimpse of a certain blue eyed beauty, eyes meeting for only a second before you had to tear them away to check your toddler wasn’t playing with knives or anything. Bucky again felt the small pang of rejection in his chest as you looked away just as quickly as you looked at him.

Over dinner that evening Bucky was surprised it was Sam that brought you up as a topic of conversation clearly reading the signals that he had wanted to know more about you without seeming nosy. “So, your friend Y/n” Sam suggested the topic after swallowing a mouthful of beer, finding the confidence, Bucky instantly perked up, waiting to see what Sarah would say. She only tilted her head to the side cocking an eyebrow. “What about her Sam” there was a brief pause, Sam looked between Sarah and Bucky, “You know, what’s her deal” he took another swig of his drink feeling slightly under pressure. The man could fight evil and not break a sweat but ask his sister a challenging question and the boy would crack. “Her deal is none of your business Sam” Sarah stated matter of factly. “Oh, common Sarah, we’re just curious” Sarah huffs and sits back in her seat looking between the two men. Bucky gives her a subtle nod letting her know it’s okay.

“If either of you say anything to her, I will beat you both senseless, got it!” she points across the table at both the men sitting next to each other. Bucky and Sam raise their hands in unison, the sight quite comical for Sarah.

“I told you she got out of a bad relationship, but I didn’t say how bad. She moved from Wyoming to get away from him, she was with him for years, he’d keep her locked in the house, put her in the hospital god knows how many times, but she was too terrified to press charges against him. Then she got pregnant and it got worse, she told me he said he was gonna kill her and the baby and she finally left while he was at work one day, got in the car and drove for a day straight until she got here, she didn’t know anyone, she was living out of her car, I let her stay at mine when I met her and found out what happened and got her in contact with her family again and they helped her buy her house and open her store, she used to have a café back in Wyoming before she met Matt, but he made her sell it, asshole. But anyway she has a restraining order against him but he keeps showing up here, we don’t know how he found out she lives down here, but he keeps coming and waiting for her outside her shop across the street and just stares at her, we don’t know if he lives in town now or if he just travels here to shake her down then goes back, but the guy is nuts.” Sarah’s chest felt heavy as she released the intel on her best friend, she couldn’t read the faces of her brother and Bucky, something distinguishable between disgust and regret of asking on Sams face but Bucky she could practically hear the gears turning in his Vibranium arm as he clenched his fist, nostrils flared and jaw tight, the man looked ready to fight.

“Have you guys not called the police about harassment” Bucky all but snarled. “Yeah, but they said they can’t do anything as he has never breached his restraining order, he’s not allowed within one hundred feet of her or Forrest and no contact is to be made, and so far he’s not done that, he’s never even met Forrest, I don’t think he’s ever seen him, he just sits on a wall in town opposite her shop, and the police say that’s not harmful and no means for arrest, or some shit like that I don’t know.” Sarah shook her head again at the thought.

“That’s bullshit” Bucky’s hand hit into the table with force causing the drinks to knock over and spill. Sarah let out a little yelp at the sudden boom of his voice. “Ah sorry” already picking up the classes and reaching for napkins and cleaning the mess. “Maybe we could hire her a bodyguard? What about Torres, I bet he’d love it!” Sam piped up again nodding to Bucky with a grin on his face. “She doesn’t need a baby sitter, what she needs is the police to do their job and arrest the creep who threatened her and her sons life multiple times but is still somehow walking around scott free” Sarah’s words seem to hit a nerve with Bucky, as he rises from the table storming towards the exit.

“So, you know my name but I’m yet to learn yours, would you enlighten me?” He smirks once more as he sips his drink. You roll your eyes own drink burning down your throat, “Y/n” he smiles and reaches across the table, fingers grazing your knuckles as your hold your glass. “Y/n, beautiful, I like it, it suits you” you feel yourself blushing at his forwardness. “Thank you" you breathe. The night carried on, more questions asked, learning the ins and outs of each other, you learn he's in a band, a successful one, which has you surprised as to what he's doing in a little bar like this, in the middle of nowhere. He learns that you're a writer and write a column reviewing films and Tv series, for a notable news blog. You were both successful in your line of works which was something he liked. He also hated to admit it, but he liked that you didn't immediately know who he was, only recognising him once he told you who his band mates were. "We nearly met once actually" he raises an eyebrow at you as you speak. "I was asked to be one of the journalists reporting at the brits a few years ago, but I had to pass up on the offer" you admit, raising your glass to your lips, as his eyes widen, "and what was more important than a night at the brits?" Ross smirks as he talks, edging himself closer towards you, "I prefer to do my reporting behind my screen, never really been one to get out in front of a camera, besides, couldn't have you fawning all over me when you were supposed be answering questions about your award" You wink a the man, earning a blush and snigger.

You don't know how you ended up here. Back pressed against the elevator wall, as Ross peppered hot, wet kisses along your neck, jaw, biting your earlobe. You're not sure a what point in the night, the soft touches of your hands turned into kisses, but it didn't take much after that for you to get your coat and follow Ross back to his hotel. You hear the ding of the lift doors opening signalling you'd reached his floor, Ross practically dragging you down the hallway, hand struggling to swipe the card through the reader to unlock his door, you stand behind him, hugging him, hands roaming across his chest, dragging them down his front to rest above his belt buckle. You chuckle into his back as you hear him groan tapping recklessly as the door lock trying to get it open. It finally clicks open, Ross turning in your arms, taking you by the waist and pulling you in for a kiss as he pushes through the door.

Hands sliding up his stomach, past his chest to land on his broad shoulders, giving them a squeeze, pulling him closer to you as his lips press firmly against yours, tongue begging for entrance as it glides along your bottom lip, you grant him access, colliding the muscles together, his fingers digging into your waist, bunching your dress up, you moan into his mouth at the feeling of his lips pressing harder against yours, Ross pulls away from you briefly to close the door, backing you up against it again once it's closed. "Do you wanna go over to the bed for me?" Ross lowers his mouth to your ear, lips brushing against the joining of your neck and jaw as he whispers the words to you. You don't trust your voice, settling for a nod of the head, slipping off your heals, making Ross tower over you even more, he can't help himself but raise one of his hands to caress your cheek, leaning down to peck you, the new height difference fuelling something inside him, he felt the need to hold and protect you. You pull apart and walk over to his neatly made bed, feeling bad for the maid who would inevitably have to clean up your mess the next day. You sit down in the middle of the bed, hands pawing at the soft fabric of the duvet beneath you. Ross comes to stand in front of you, kneeling on the, shuffling closer to you, out of instinct your legs parted for him, making him smirk. His rough hands hind their way to either sides of your legs, stopping under your knees, he feels the silky skin of your thighs under his finger tips, running them up and down the length of your bent legs. Your eyes bore into his from your seated position, hands leaving the mattress to find the top button of his dress shirt, beginning to un pop each button, his eyes watch your fingers carefully as they move along each button, slowly and skilfully undoing each one, until you reach the bottom, hands making their way back up his now uncovered stomach, hairy chest, to land on his shoulders, gently pushing the fabric down his back so it hung off him loosely.

You notice the small gold chain that laid flat around his neck, one of your hands reaching round, fingers delicately playing with the metal, you take a hold of it between your fingers and gently tug him towards yourself, stretching your top half up to meet him in a hungry kiss, he moans into your mouth at the feeling of the cold metal digging into his skin, and the way your fingers clench at his shoulder, as if to feel him closer. His grip on the back of your legs tightens, he manoeuvres himself to settle fully between your legs, resting a hand on your back as he pushes the two of you back until you reach the mattress. Your lips moving together in sync, drawing moans and gasps form one another as he pressed you further into the mattress, lowering himself on top of you, your hand reaches behind his head, gripping onto the bun, tugging at the strands, feeling the soft hair wrap around your fingers, and loving the sound the sound that falls from his lips when you deliver a particularly harsh pull. His tongue traces your bottom lip, drawing a line, from your lips and licking down your neck, your head rolls to the side, at the tingly feeling surging through you.

Ross's hands skim over the fabric of your dress, stopping at the bottom, where it had bunched up at your waist, lifting it up further revealing the lace of your underwear, his breath hitching noticing the wet patch gathering, he continues to drag the fabric up, you sitting up to help him rid you of the barrier, he throws the garment to the floor, the second it's off your body, admiring your bare chest, loving the fact you opted out of wearing a bra for the night. Feeling like a teenage boy seeing boobs for the first time, absolutely mesmerised, a hand reaches up to cup your left breast, palming at the soft skin, running his thumb across your nipple, feeling it pebble beneath his touch, he squeezes again earning a breathy moan, and your back arching, practically falling into his hand. His other hand grazes your jaw, thumb running along your bottom lip, watching the way your eyes close briefly in pleasure under his actions. "Does that feel good darlin?" his words come out an octave lower than before, making you putty in his hands (quite literally) "yes" you whisper the words out not trusting your voice. He lays you down once more, leaning forwards sprinkling kisses along your chest, down your abdomen, nipping at your hipbone, and kissing along your inner thigh, placing a kiss to your clothed core, the sensation sending shivers down your spine. He continues kissing over the soft spot, laying his tongue out flat licking up the wetness that had gathered on the front of your underwear, groaning to himself at the taste, his fingers dig into the sides of your knickers dragging them down your legs, revealing perhaps the most obscene view he had ever laid his eyes upon, you laid back, head tilted up to the ceiling, tits perky, back arched up, legs spread and pussy dripping, all for him.

"You look fucking divine darling, tell me what you want" his hands are all over your body, unable to settle on one spot, occasionally squeezing in a spot he finds particularly tantalizing. "You... your fingers, anything I just need to feel you" You grab at one of his hands bringing it to your entrance, watching a sly smile absorb his face as you guide two of his fingers inside you, mouth falling open and whining as he pushes them in fully to his knuckles, hooking them upwards, feeling you tighten around him. He pumps rhythmically, other hand grasping onto your hip, hooking your leg around his waist in his seated position. Your eyes meet, and you swear you could fall apart right there from just the look alone, his big brown eyes boring into yours, scanning your face intently for traces of pleasure, as he works away below you. Your eyes roll back as his actions speed up setting a new thunderous pace, feeling your walls contracting around him each time he thrust his fingers inside you, his thumb reached up and began rubbing circles on your clit, gaining a lewd moan of his name, which he would die to hear again, circling the bud with more ferocity, to match the pace of the fingers inside you, the tense feeling building in the pit of your stomach, begging for release. "Are you gonna cum for me like a good girl?" your nails claw at his wrist, the other hand clinging onto the duvet for dear life. Your head nodding, turning to the side and lulling back all at once, too far gone to comprehend your actions. You feel his fingers hitting and curling upwards one last time sending you spiralling, your legs clench around his waist, walls contracting around his fingers as he continues to pump you through your orgasm, "Ross, need you" you moan out, tugging on his arm until he was close enough to crash his lips back to yours, the connection feeling warm and passionate, he withdraws his fingers from you lifting them between the pair of you, licking one finger himself, slipping the other past your lips, allowing you so suck the juices off from the digit, moaning as your tongue swirls around, keeping heavy eye contact as you suck his digit clean, he pulls his finger from your lips, hand moving around the back of your neck, attaching his lips to yours again.

"Do you wanna carry on?" Ross mumbles against your lips, feeling himself painfully hard in his trousers, "God please don't stop" clutching his shoulders you sit up, flipping the two of you so you were straddling his lap. You wanted to burn this sight into your brain for the rest of your life. His hair messy and falling out of his bun, shirt undone, dick hard in his trousers pressing against you. He raised an arm to lay under his head as he watches you with his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. You fingers trace over the top of his trousers, stopping at the button, looking up at him through your lashes to ask permission, his head nods slowly, enjoying the sight of you taking control, knowing fully well he could take it back any moment. You popped the button undone and slid the zipper down, pulling them down slightly, along with his boxers to reveal himself to you. Your mouth watering at the sight of his cock leaking with precum and throbbing in your hand.

You pumped him a few times, listening as his breath goes rigid when you raise yourself upwards, sinking down onto him in one swift motion. His eyes rolling back, large hands making their home on your hips, digging into the skin as you start to bounce up and down on his shaft. He loves every little moan and gasp that leaves your mouth as you fuck you self on him, hands firmly placed on his stomach to balance yourself. “You feel so good Ross” you gasp arching your back, hair cascading down, becoming sticky with sweat. Ross thrusts up inside you, encouraging you to set a faster pace, “come on baby, you can do better than that, I wanna feel you cum for me again, be a good girl” the words are lost to your deaf ears, only caring about the groan that leaves his lips when you fuck yourself even harder on him, pulling him up by his shoulders and finally ridding him of his shirt, your fingers claw at his back as he continues to thrust up into you, you circle your hips, feeling your clit rub against his pubic bone, you continue the action feeling your walls clench and the knot tighten in the pit of your stomach. Ross’s hands trace a pattern up your back, one hand clutching your jaw as he pulls you in for a kiss, wet, sloppy and still tasting the remains of your juices on his tongue. You can’t help but to moan his name over and over into his mouth like a mantra. “I can feel you’re close, let go for me” his words are spoken between broken kisses and hushed moans, feeling you clenching around him.

All you can do is nod, forehead leaning against his as he holds your hips down delivering a particularly harsh thrust, he feels the spasm of your walls crashing around him, and your legs shake as what feels like the most earth shattering orgasm hits your system. “Good girl” he whispers, planting a kiss to the side of your head. Suddenly you’re being flipped again, onto your stomach, ass up in the air and Ross is between your legs once more. You’re not sure you’re ready for what’s to come when you feel him slam his length back inside you. Hand making contact with your right cheek as you pull away slightly, unintentionally awakening something in you, at the all but pornographic moan you emit. Your head flicks back to make eye contact with Ross, who was wearing the most sinister smirk you think you may have ever seen. All at once his hips are roughly pounding into your arse as, hands holding them in place while he fucks you roughly and thoroughly. Your top half falls limp feeling exhausted from exerting yourself as you cling onto the quilt, knuckles turning white. The sound in the room was obscene, anyone walking in the hallway would know what was going on, the bed was rocking, slamming into the wall, Ross was grunting and moaning away above you while you gasped and screamed out his praises, you could only pray that the people in the room next to you were out. His dick pounded into the sweet spongy spot inside you repeatedly building that all familiar knot once more, not sure you could handle much more you cry out for him, eyes watering, pressing the tears away into the pillows. “Ross…please..I” your brain can’t comprehend words too fucked out to form any real sentence. “You can take it, be a good girl, one more, then you’re done okay?” His hand sweetly moved some hair out your face to check you’re okay, a sweet juxtaposition to the actions of his hips pounding away at you. He leant forward placing a kiss at the top of your back as he continued to hit away that spot inside you, “well done, good girl” you feel the fire ignite in your belly once, clenching around his dick feeling your juices flowing, you could feel him pulsating inside you knowing what was about to happen, you contact your walls around him once more milking him for everything he had, hearing him moan your name loudly for all to hear, he stilled inside you as he emptied his load before pulling out slowly flopping down next to you on the bed with a humph.

You roll onto your back turning your head to face him, his fingers brush away the hair that had fallen into your face, admiring your beauty once more. You smile at him and lean in to peck his lips, fingers softly running though his beard. “That has to be the best sex I’ve ever had” you sigh and giggle looking away from his eyes at your confession. “Mmm me too, I can die happy now” you laugh as he slings an arm over your stomach pulling you into his side, you look up at his face and can’t contain your smile. He presses a kiss onto your shoulder, and settles back on the bed, expecting you to lean back with him, but you don’t, you sit up, looking around on the floor to reach for your clothes, Ross frowns. “I should probably get going” you turn to Ross once you’ve slipped your dress over your head. He finds his hand reaching out for you “oh okay, um sure…” it was the first time you had seen him at a loss for words, “I’m just gonna use the bathroom” you give him a awkward smile, crossing the room to the bathroom and closing the door, you freshen yourself up and notice your flushed cheeks and messy hair in the mirror, you look well and truly fucked. Well you had been.

You run your fingers through your hair, splashing some cold water on your face before exiting the room, seeing Ross now standing in the middle of the room, his trousers are done back up and he now has on a T-shirt instead of his button down. You walk over to him, unsure of either of your next moves. “You can stay if you’d like, I don’t want you to feel like you have to leave because you don’t” his words trail off, eyes glued to the ground almost as if he was afraid of your answer. “I uh, I’ve never done this before, I assumed you’d want me to leave” you take a step closer to him, head tilting so you can meet his eyes. “No, I want you to stay, if you want to that is, don’t feel like yo-“ you take another step forwards and attach your lips to his once more, feeling him relax under your touch.

That’s how it all started. Ross was in town visiting friends for a few weeks on a break from tour before going back to America. So you two agreed that while he was in town the two of you would meet up and have some casual fun, however what was supposed to be just a fling, or hanging out a couple of times turned into every night huddled up in each others arms after hours of exhausting sex, exploring each others bodies, learning how to make each other feel good, and learning everything about one another. It was like Ross had a fixation with her, the second they were apart, he wanted her close again. They had spent their time doing novice things like visiting garden centres and book stores, hiding from friends when they saw them crossing the street, then giggling like school children if they nearly got caught, but they promised each other just until tour restarts so no one gets hurt.

The day did finally come for Ross to leave and you’d spent the night before in his arms telling him how much you’ll miss him and begging him to promise to stay friends with you, to which he kissed you so hard it knocked the air out your lungs. And you thought in your mind that when he left that would be it, just a bittersweet memory of your time spent with the bass player, but when your phone wouldn’t stop dinging with the back and forth text messages every day you couldn’t help but feel hopeful. He’d been gone a month, the both of you never failing to message everyday and call when you can when Matty noticed something was up. The once sociable Ross kept hiding himself away, quieter than usual, always staring at phone, and when it did finally ring or buzz, he couldn’t help but notice the smile that reached his best friends face, he looked like a Cheshire Cat. But there was one day where Ross just moped around, not saying a word to anyone, barely eating, and he hardly interacted with the crowd when they performed that night. The band were in their dressing room after the show having a drink all chatting and praising each other feeling the after show high, bar one, Ross was skunked in the corner on a sofa staring at his phone, Matty watched as the taller man shook his head and made his way out the room, leaving his phone behind on the sofa. He knew it was wrong but the way he’s been staring at his phone for weeks has given Matty his suspicions, walking across the room sitting where Ross once occupied the seat. Seeing Ross had left his phone unlocked he took a quick glance, instantly tapping on his text messages, seeing the first name that popped up being an unfamiliar name, he clicked on the messages, and clearly he had found the source of Ross’s discontentment that day.

Y/n 🖤 - I hope the tours going well I miss you xx

Ross - it’s going great, would be better if you were here tho, I miss that beautiful face xx

Y/n🖤 - I wish lol xx

Ross - please come, I’ll send you ticket, I really wanna see you babe xx

Y/n 🖤- Ross, you know what we said, besides what would everyone think of you bringing a random girl on tour with you! Xx

Ross - I know we said it was just a fling but I want you, I miss you too much, and the guys would love you, please just think about it? Xxx

- message read

Matty looked at the name and the photo attached in his friends phone, feeling giddy at the thought of his friend having a secret girlfriend, he sneakily puts your number in his phone dropping the phone back to the arm of the sofa before standing to join the other boys.

———

Another week passes and you dodge the topic tour all together when you speak on the phone, at least you try your hardest. It’s another late night for him, early morning for you spending as time talking to each other, wanting to hear each others voices. Ross can’t help but feel how deeply he missed seeing the way your lips would move with each word you would annunciate. He missed watching your smile light up until it reached your eyes and he missed the pretty sounds you made, just for him. He would give anything to have you close again.

“Sorry what did you say, babe?” His voice relaxed finally hearing the soothing tones of your voice in his ears he forgot to listen to what you were saying. “ I said I saw some videos of you the other night, you looked really good, like you’re having fun” he waits a few seconds before replying knowing he’ll get reprimanded for it. “I’d be having a lot more fun, if a certain someone I know would come along” he sighs dramatically, head resting back on his pillow as he daydreams about the girl on the other end of the phone. He just hears you chuckling, picturing you shaking your head, “I have to get ready for work soon” you wished you didn’t. “Don’t go, come back to bed, we’ll cuddle a bit longer” Ross sighs eyes shutting at the thought of you being with him in his bed. “You know, I cuddle your jumper every night, it’s starting to smell like me instead of you though, it’s making me sad” you admit, pouting as if he can see it through the phone. “God I would give anything to touch you right now” you gasp at his words he can hear you biting your lip through the phone and it drives him wild. “Not even like that, I just miss holding you, feeling your skin on mine, I don’t think you realise how much I miss you, I really care about you y/n”

————

After that night Ross finds himself in a bit of a slump, he had tried his best to push his feelings down but the more he did that the more they grew. And even though you were both making the effort, the calls and the messages just weren’t enough. He longed to be near you and didn’t realise that being without you was bringing him down. He was messing up on stage, missing cues and looking miserable and the band noticed, trying to cheer him up onstage to no avail. The person that would cheer him up was thousands of miles away blissfully unaware of the affect she had on him. After 3 consecutive nights of fluffing up on stage Matty confronted the tall bearded man, much to his surprise.

“Hey man, what’s going on?” He decided to keep things simple, afraid he’d aggravate the man. “Nothin, just missing someone I guess” he draws out, taking a sip of his drink, subconsciously tapping his phone while he thinks about you, Matty notices, “anyone in particular?” He pushes, tilting his head to the side hoping his friend would finally open up to him about the mystery girl he has been messaging. “It’s uh…” he sighs shaking his head thinking for a moment “no one, just family, you know how it is” Ross stands from his place on the sofa, clutching his phone in his hand tightly, nodding his head to Matty, before walking off out the room, head in is phone.

You were asleep when your phone began ringing on top your beside table, you groan as it carries on ringing, the caller relentless to speak to you apparently, you click the green button before seeing it was an unknown number calling giving them a very groggy “hello” down the line. “Is this y/n” you hear the other person speak, “yeah, uh who is this? And why are you calling me at 3am?” You question flinching as your phone screen brightens to find out the time. “Oh shit sorry about that, I always forget about time zones, it’s Matty, Ross’s friend, from the band…” it takes your tired brain a second to comprehend what he’s saying before it clicks. “Oh right, hello Matty” he laughs, a bit too loud for your liking, you wince pulling the phone away from your ear. “Uh basically I’m calling because Ross has been super down the last couple of weeks, and really isn’t himself, and I think he really misses you” you almost jump up in your bed, “he’s spoken about me?!” Matty chuckles shaking his head, if she was as mushy about him as his friend was they were a match made in heaven. “Indirectly, he just keeps moping around waiting for his phone to go off all day and if it doesn’t he looks like he could cry…anyway I was wondering if I could sort you out a plane ticket and get you out here to surprise him?” You could feel your heart beating fast in your chest at the thought, and before your brain could say no your mouth was saying “yes!”

-

You had been driving aimlessly for around an hour, the warm breeze of the air-con, and the blanket you had brought with you to snuggle up on coated around your top half. Lazily leaning your head to rest between the head rest and the window, the sky opened and soon enough raindrops were beating down on the windscreen, the steady drumming against the metal of the car making the scene that much more relaxing. You could feel your eyelids becoming heavier by the second, Ross's hand moving up to glide across your cheek, gently brushing stray hairs away from your face, you sigh, purely out of contentment. His fingers play with a strand of your hair for a moment, and you wonder how he can concentrate on both driving and giving you comfort t the same time, but you say nothing, the moment too perfect to be interrupted by words, meaningless ones at the most.

You have no idea when you fell asleep, what song was playing on the radio, what road you had turned down, but you had sunk further into the deep comforts of warmth, the sound of the rain, and the soft rocking of the car as it went over bumps in the road and managed to fall into a deep slumber. Ross's hand slipped back down from playing with your hair to fall into one of your hands which lay limp in your lap, gently rubbing circles and patterns absentmindedly as he focused on the road. He found his own comfort in the soft, steady breaths that fall from your mouth, lips parted as light snores exit. He can't help the smile that stretches his skin and the blush that makes him hot, even in your sleepy state, he swears he falls more deeply in love with you.

The country roads are winding, Ross has no destination in mind just letting the roads carry him, he doesn't think as he turns at junctions, just going wherever feels right. Looking at the clock on the radio he notices the sun would be rising in about an hour, enough time to find the perfect spot, he thought. He continued to drive, passing through several small villages, eventually driving up hill through a quaint little northern village, picturesque, even in darkness, he thought for a moment to wake you, knowing how much you love looking at tiny cottages with thatched roofs, and old Jacobean buildings, but he thought it best to let you sleep, you could see them when you were awake on your way back anyway. The rain had eased a little, only softly hitting the windscreen, not quite as thunderous as before. He continued up through the village, some cottages turning on their lights, the true early risers, people getting up for work, or maybe they were awake to watch the sunrise too he thought. Finally reaching the top, where lie a cliff top hanging over entire village, there weren't any cars parked, they would be alone for a moment, finding the perfect spot to park, backing into the space so the boot would face over the edge and across the village.

Ross gets out the car, moving to the back seats, putting them down laying flat, trying to be as quiet as he can, letting you sleep for a moment longer. Gathering the blankets and cushions he had brought along, positioning them meticulously in the boot, making a makeshift bed for the two of you. Checking his watch, he strides towards the passenger seat, carefully opening the door, taking in your sleeping figure once more, your eyebrows furrowing a little pout on your lips, head fully turned to the side, he chuckles to himself wondering what you were dreaming about. He can't help himself, leaning down, hand gently pressed against your warm cheek, he presses his lips against yours, softly at first, but almost out of instinct, even in your sleeping state, your body reacted to him, your lips pressing back against his. That's how your woke up, your nose engulfed in Ross's scent, his beard tickling your skin, and his smooth lips against yours, you can't help your hand automatically lifting to the back of his neck, caressing the loose hairs that had fallen from his bun. Ross smiles against your lips, realising he had woken you up, his fingers gliding along your cheek, lips brushing against yours "good morning beautiful" you reattach your lips once more before a yawn slips from your mouth, your back arching, hand leaving his neck to stretch as far as the car roof would allow. He chuckled pulling back. "Morning Rossy, where are we?"

"We're somewhere in the dales, I didn't actually see the name of the village, but it's beautiful you'll love it on the drive back down" you nod tiredly at him, unclipping your belt and joining him outside. "Jesus, it's freezing" You let out a breath, the air clouding in front of you, the cold air pinching your cheeks. "More of an excuse to cuddle then" Ross laughs at you, pulling you in close, you nuzzle into his chest, "Like I'd need an excuse" you mumble against the confinements of his soft chest. He shakes his head and pulls away taking your hand, tugging you round the side of the car. He settles down in the boot of the car, lifting up one of the blankets waiting for you to join him. "Oh you are too smooth Macdonald" you laugh sitting next to him, allowing him wrap you in the blanket, she laughs shaking his head, placing a kiss on your forehead. You let your head fall onto his shoulder, both wrapped up in blankets, sheltered from the light rain by the hood of the boot.

That was over a year ago now, the pair had tried numerous times to get you and Ross in a room together but to no avail, several plans had been foiled, neither of you actually knowing Adam and Carly's true intentions. You were supposed to meet at Christmas, but Ross had to cancel to see his brother. Then again for dinner at Easter but you double booked with your parents, and more and more occasions just like it, either one of you was sick or the both of you double booked, it was a complete disaster. But the one time you did finally meet was completely by mistake, Ross was round Adam and Carly’s babysitting for them, when you unexpectedly dropped by having forgotten your purse when you were visiting a couple days earlier.

You knock on their front door tapping in a singsong manner fully expecting to see Carly’s beautiful head of curls answer the door, only to be completely blindsided by a tall dark handsome stranger, you knew to be one of Adam’s friends answering. He was clutching onto baby Hann whilst he screamed bloody murder looking very distressed as he looked at you confused. “Hi, I’m y/n, Carly’s friend, I left my purse here the other night and was coming to get it but if it’s a bad ti-“ Ross cuts you off almost in a pleading notion “Y/n! Yeah They’ve mentioned you a bunch of times, come in, I think I’ve seen a purse in the living room” he sidesteps out the way to let you into the house, you slip off your shoes knowing Adam’s strict ‘no shoes on my carpet’ policy. You can’t help but wince at the screeching sound of the babies cries as Ross helplessly bounces him trying to get him to calm down. You spot your purse in an instant but the maternal instinct in you has you reaching out for baby Hann. “Are you okay?” You ask softly, trying not to pry but feeling genuinely concerned not only for the baby but for Ross’s sanity, knowing how stressful it can be the times you’ve looked after the baby not knowing of you’re doing things right, sometimes reassurance is needed. Ross sighs and turns to you fully, it’s now that you take him in fully, he looked tired, his hair was falling out of his bun, his shirt was wrinkled probably from holding the baby against him most the day, and his forehead was forming faint stress lines. “Uh, I’m not sure, I feel like I’ve tried everything and he won’t calm down, he’s not hungry, he doesn’t wanna play with any toys, I’ve tried listening to music, he doesn’t want me to sit down with him he doesn’t want me to be moving around, I just don’t know what to do” he lets out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding, “here let me take over for a minute, you sit down” he would resist but the way you’re already two inches from him gently taking the baby from his grasp has him dizzy, so he takes a seat, he watches as you place the babies head on your shoulder holding around his back, patting his bum in a steady rhythm that has the baby soothed and falling asleep in a matter of minutes, “see, just exhausted” you give Ross a soft smile and join him sitting on the sofa next to him, “how the hell did you do that” he shakes his head laughing in disbelief “lots of practice, I have lots of nieces and nephews” you continue to sooth down the babies back as you settle down and get comfy on the sofa.

“So it’s nice to finally meet you” you smile staring across at the brunette who looks slightly more relaxed now. “Adam and Carls talk about me too? I hope you haven’t heard anything bad!” He winks at you, and you swear you feel a swarm of butterflies erupting through your stomach. “Nothing bad about you, Matty on the other hand…” you trail off as the baby stirs slightly, but you lull him back into his slumber by shushing and rocking him, Ross can’t help but admire you. “I really don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t have shown up here, maybe started crying myself” he speaks in hushed tones and lets out a soft laugh. “Don’t be silly, you would been fine, he would have tired himself out anyway, it’s just stressful to listen to when they’re in that mood and nothing you’ve tried is working” you place your free hand on top of his, gliding your thumb across the knuckles, you couldn’t help yourself, you almost felt drawn to him. He looks down at the your hand and smiles, turning his hand in yours and giving it a squeeze, a sort of silent gratitude. The two of you being too comfortable to take your hands away so you just left them there and chatted for at least an hour and a half while baby Hann slept soundly on the comforts of your chest. You got to know the ins and outs of each other feeling as if you had known one another for years. You hadn’t noticed Ross shuffling closer to you, or more so you didn’t mind as he slipped an arm around your shoulder so the three of you were close while you spoke in hushed tones, and you definitely didn’t hear the front door clicking open, and the quiet footsteps of your friends coming home to greet their baby, when they stubbles in on a sight and a half. Their best friends huddled up on their sofa whilst their baby slept safely between the pair, the two of them giggling at something the other had said, a squeeze of the shoulder, a pat on the thigh, their faces were close, it was everything Adam and Carly had hoped for when they wanted them to meet. The sight being almost too cute break, but sadly Carly had mummy fever, and had to see her baby. “Well, well, well… what’s going on here then?!”

And at the sound of his mothers voice, and frankly saved by the bell, baby Hann awakens and emits his cries for his mother and hunger. Saving you an explanation, for now. The two of you clear your throats as you struggle to separate from each other, Adam finding the scene particularly humorous to watch. You had the baby over to Carly who coos at the baby calming him instantly making Ross shake his head in confusion, “I told you Ross, he’s a ladies man” Adam chuckles walking over to his friend and patting him on the back, judging by the fact that his hair was falling all over the place and you were the one holding the baby that Ross had been struggling. “Honestly mate, that was the hardest babysitting gig of my life, if Y/n hadn’t of shown up, me and jr would have been joining you at dinner”

You laugh and sigh shaking your head “you weren’t doing that bad, you just needed to pat, not bounce” you wink at him this time and you watch as his mouth falls agape. Adam pats his friends back in sympathy but laughs all the same. “Well, I guess I better get my purse and get going, it was lovely to see you guys, and nice to meet you Ross… finally” you say the last word pointedly to him directly, grabbing your things giving Carly a quick hug and kiss before heading down the hallway. You hear your name being called just as you reach the front door so you turn and see Ross taking long strides towards you.