The Mood
We were notorious for throwing wild college parties. This time was no different. Meme, my best friend since the sixth grade, planned on bringing the weed—her latest boyfriend had a medical marijuana card. My twin brother Robert made last minute calls about alcohol for beer pong and shots. Darnell and I were in the living room clearing the fragile items to the closed off dining room area of the rented home. The entire time we moved furniture, Darnell avoided direct contact. Strange.
I demanded his attention. “Hey you, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said. “I got a lot on my mind right now, Raina.”
“Like what?”
“Just stuff. Don’t worry about it.”
“Nope, tell me anyways.”
“Just know tonight will be the night of change. I can promise you that.”
“You think so?
“I know so.”
Darnell was right. The party turned out crazier than expected. Couples danced discreetly in dark corners. The kitchen served as the beer pong and shots zone. In the backyard Darnell, Meme, and I sat in a triangle, on the grass, as we passed joints around.
Darnell released chimney smoke from his lungs. “Raina, how many shots did you take tonight?”
“I think…five shots, maybe six or seven, I don’t remember but I feel fine.”
His facial expression blurred as the alcohol grew more intensive in seconds.
“You usually drink more than that,” he said.
“I am not an alcoholic!”
The purple streaks in Meme’s hair illuminated against the lighter’s flame. She passed me a lit joint. “She hits it like a pro, right Darnell?”
I produced great smoke clouds. Coughing was a sign of weakness.
“Yeah I noticed.” He wore his black sunglasses as if it was daytime.
My body shot up in one quick motion. “I’ll be back.”
Darnell was right alongside me in the kitchen as we took more shots.
“Bet you tap out first,” he said.
“Yeah fucking right. You know who I am.” I stumbled into his arms and we laughed.
Robert was undefeated in his game of beer pong. I knew he was loaded by the way he gripped his girlfriend’s ass as if no one else was in the room. The way she grinned and kissed him on the neck only increased Robert’s ego. Eyes closed, he shot that pong ball in the red cup with ease.
Then the perfect song came on. Darnell was much taller than me as we danced in the dark of the living room. He planted sensual kisses behind my ear and neck. My eyes were focused on the staircase. I held his hand and led the way. Meme tried to stop me. “And where are you going? The party’s not over yet.”
“It is for me.”
“Be careful Raina. Remember who he is to you.”
“I don’t know anymore. Meme, he’s so hot.”
“I know what he looks like and I don’t care.”
“So…who cares?”
“You will tomorrow.”
She never witnessed the way Darnell shut my bedroom door hard behind him. Being careful was not a concern of mines.
***
The pounding on my door woke me as noon arrived. A bit dazed, hung over, I found my robe on the floor, and proceeded to answer.
“Yes, Robert?”
“Quit whatever you’re doing. Get dressed. We have to clean up,” he said.
“Where’s Meme?”
“She’s passed out in the guest bedroom. You missed the fight she had with her boyfriend.”
I stepped outside and closed my door. “Did he hit her?”
“No, she’s good. She did the most damage any ways. He kissed some random girl.”
“Oh, alright…damn. Well, I’m going back inside.”
“Tell Darnell he can help too.”
I drove him away. “Mind your business, bro!”
Darnell awoke scratching his head. No, “Good afternoon,” “How was your sleep?” or “So does last night mean we’re official?”
I noticed our clothes spread in random places. On my dresser, used condom wrappers clarified our situation. His silence stressed me straight to the bathroom. All the liquor from last night poured out from my soul as I vomited. I heaved and heaved and there he was helping me gather my composure, in his boxers. He used tissue to wipe my tears and excess vile around my mouth.
“Everything will be fine.” He put down the toilet seat, flushed the remains, and placed me on his lap. He held me close to his bare chest.
“Last night, you told me you loved me. How you needed me forever and shit like that.”
Our eyes met. He said, “I know what I said. I meant it.”
“Please, you don’t know what you said last night.”
“And you know because…?”
I positioned my back towards him. “We had drunk sex, best friend.”
“And it was great sex, best friend. Why are you so surprised?”
“So what do you remember?”
“I remember more than you think.”
“You’re not answering my question.”
He kissed my neck, leaned against my back, with his arms wrapped around my petite frame. “I don’t have to.”
I pulled away. “Why?”
He reached around me to turn on the shower. “We can talk about it later, alright? Let’s shower and make peace.”
Drops of warm water caressed our bodies as we stared at one another.
“Why do you always feel like you never have to explain yourself?” I asked.
“It’s been hard. You know things haven’t been the same since…”
“Since your mom–”
“Please don’t say it.”
“You’ve changed so much. Who are you?”
“We were sixteen when it happened. Was I supposed to remain the same?” He shook his head in disbelief. “It’s obvious, Raina. After the funeral what happened?”
“We cried.”
“What else?”
“We lost our virginities together. I’m still confused though.”
Pay attention. You’ve known all along. Say it.”
I hesitated. “We’ve been in a relationship this entire time.”
“Yes. Now turn around so I can wash your back.”
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