clown

whenever belphegor's sleepy he's absolutely the most pathetic little baby you've ever laid your eyes on. whiny, barely able to hold himself up, trying to touch you in any way possible, and oh so warm.

most of the time you can hear him before you see him. he seems to enjoy making as big of a show out of dragging you away to sleep with him as he can. he wants everyone to know that he's stealing you. the irritated looks, glares, and scowls that are thrown his way each time fuel him.

it starts with him getting out of bed as loudly as possible. he might even fall out of bed if he's feeling extra dramatic. he'll shuffle down the hallway, calling your name in the groggiest, sleepiest voice you've ever heard. he has also bumped into walls to further emphasize just how tired he is.

once he's located you (somehow it always feels like he looked all over the place for you, even though he takes the most direct route to you) it somehow gets worse. he's always wrapped in a blanket, hair messy, hardly able to keep his eyes open, holding a pillow. as soon as his eyes land on you he's whining and making his way over with slow, wobbly steps, not even picking his feet up. he'll find a way to lean against you or, better yet, if you're sitting he'll flop across your lap, occasionally just falling asleep on you instead of taking you away.

from there he'll get even closer. engulfing you in his blanket, rubbing his cheek against you, burying his face into any part of you that he can, almost whimpering as he asks you to go and nap with him. if he can he'll even give you the irresistible puppy eyes. he has cried because you didn't go to bed with him fast enough. but like... on command, just to make you feel bad and hurry up, not because he was actually sad. he's not above manipulating you, you know this.

and once you're back in his bed (not yours. he's not risking anyone else joining you and his bed is infinitely more comfortable anyway) he's immediately clinging to you and expecting the same from you. if you're not holding him like it's the only thing keeping you from dying it's not enough. he also requires kisses on his head. if you're not loving on him enough he'll whine like a dog and bump his head against you. give him what he wants IMMEDIATELY!!!

now, circling back to the "most of the time"... sometimes he scares you half to death by simply... appearing next to you. one moment you'll be enjoying your alone time, reading a book in silence or doing anything, really. and when you happen to turn yourself he's suddenly right there. you fling yourself back, heart racing, adrenaline pumping through your body. he'll blink slowly, head drooping to the side, mumbling about needing you to sleep like he didn't just nearly give you a heart attack.

every single time you're alone he manages to approach so quietly that you don't notice him until you get the unnerving feeling of someone being in the same room as you without your knowledge. but every single time he causes you to almost jump out the window or punch him in the face, you feel compelled to forgive him by how adorable he is. how can you deny him the nap he requires when he's so tired that his eyes are blinking all wonky and out of sync...

if you're already in bed with him you're not getting away from him. as soon as he wakes up, even if it's for a moment, he's crawling onto you, near begging for kisses and obviously expecting you to play with his hair. you have to give in because he refuses to fall back asleep before receiving the affection he's demanding.

he'll be walking down the hall with diavolo in the early morning hours, going over the daily schedule as he always does, when, as his eyes flick to the guest room you always stay in, he trails off for just a moment. it's almost unnoticeable, but diavolo has known him for far too long. he won't bring it up. he doesn't need to. he knows exactly what's going on. he will simply smile to himself, happy that his dear friend has found someone who makes his brain hiccup.

one spot that never fails to stop him in his tracks is where you had your first kiss. he'll freeze, gaze glued to a seemingly random spot, a glint of something unrecognizable in his eyes. he can't stop the memory from replaying. it's so vivid it almost seems real. like he's gone back in time to relive the kiss. bouncing back after his couple seconds of being unresponsive proves to be too easy for barbatos, but he can't shake the butterflies in his stomach.

when you come around he keeps his composure. it would be improper to do anything less, considering there's other people around. though he can't help if he smiles just a bit more, or if there happens to be an extra twinkle in his eye. but get him away from everyone's sight and he's a completely different man. he gets so little alone time with you and he's smart enough to make the most of the few moments you do have.

whenever you're spending time in the castle you'll follow him around as he checks things off his to-do list. barbatos loves having you near him, even if you don't interact in any way. just being in the same room makes him feel at peace, accompanied by a weird sense of domestic bliss. you've discovered that it's actually better to stay silent and keep your hands to yourself. you see, he gets distracted a bit too easily by you. he's never quite had to fight the urge to simply sit down beside someone and give them his undivided attention, so he has a hard time keeping himself from doing exactly that. when he does succumb to the urges, he'll playfully scold you as soon as he catches himself.

being in a crowd with you is much more difficult than he could've ever imagined. it would be alright, but the way you find little ways to touch him knocks the air out of his lungs. he'll be walking back from the kitchen, serving trays on either hand. you'll time your trip to the bathroom so your paths cross in the dining room doorway. you smile as soon as you face him, already weakening his knees. then, as you pass him, your fingers brush against his waist. imperceptible to others, but so rattling to him that the entire room is suddenly filled with the sound of teacups colliding, now resting on the butler's uncharacteristically shaky hands.

in the middle of cleaning he'll spot an awfully empty table. his confusion lasts a single second before he's recalled the night it lost its decoration. you'd been... discussing... personal matters... and the... conversation... got a bit... too heated... and the vase happened to... somehow... get tossed onto the floor. the memory plays in his mind as he stands there, staring at the table. he better replace it before anyone notices... no worries, he knows he has similar ones packed away somewhere. he'll get to it as soon as he's done mulling over your... argument.....

occasionally his mind will start wandering during more mundane tasks. that is almost every single one of his duties. he's been serving diavolo for long enough to do everything by muscle memory alone. it used to start innocent. he's polite, he respects you, he only started having less family-friendly thoughts when you got very... rated R. he zones out, body working on autopilot as he imagines your voice, face, bod- clears throat

first off, this only works if you like genuinely love yourself to the point where you're concerned you might unironically be attracted to yourself. like you'd date your clone.

cause this is it.

asmo most definitely would. he has reached that point and probably gone past it

which is why this relationship was inevitable

good god.

everyone around you two better hold on to their pipe and glasses.

you're a couple of menaces right from the moment you first meet

he's immediately drawn to you in a way that he can only describe as "really weird"

everyone, including the two of you, find it crazy how your brains operate in exactly the same way, no matter how different you are on the outside

definitely too much of... having each other's backs and supporting each other.

he'll chew someone out and you'll be gasping dramatically to drive the proverbial knife even deeper

you're oddly in sync and can read each other like open books

it creeps everyone else out and they'll think there's magic or something involved. they get used to it eventually, but the doubt is eternal

you're very much the couple that will never ever be seen apart, especially with how clingy both of you are

you also have a dynamic where others can ask you about him (and vice versa) and you'll know the exact answer with 100% accuracy every single time. "where is he?" he went out to get presents. he should be back in about 10 minutes. and exactly 10 minutes later he'll step through the door. "why has asmo been ignoring us today?" someone threw out his face cream and a group of you were too loud last night so he couldn't fall asleep. until the culprits confess and give him a heartfelt apology, his highness will be ignoring everyone in this house. and all the while he'll be pouting behind your back, arms crossed, nodding along

if bodies ever get swapped (cause apparently that's a frequent occurrence) you'll be the absolute first to know where asmo is. it is absolutely impossible to fool you

you just get him. and he gets you

he knows exactly how to comfort you in every single situation and he knows how to show his love

he knows exactly what you need, what you want, what's pissing you off, when you need an exit from a place or situation, why you're sad, everything about you is so apparent to him

and it goes both ways. he's blown away every single time.

it's like the scene in the good place where eleanor gives chidi a tissue cause she knew he was gonna sneeze before he did, but every day, every interaction is like that.

he'll very quickly catch on to your sense of fashion as well. he understands it better than you do, even if it's the exact opposite of him. he needs to know because he needs to spoil you.

but it's deeper.

it feels like the more he finds out about you the more he realizes about himself

he feels really compelled to dig around in your mind. he wants to know the reason behind every single one of your thoughts and actions, but, unfortunately, that just reveals more of how insanely similar you two are

anything about you that makes him feel sad, like feeling like your worth is based entirely on how much people desire you, just boomerangs back into him

you're like a mirror that exposes parts of him that are so vulnerable that he feels... terrified.

because it's so scary to him, he feels the need to withdraw from you. just to stop himself from breaking down. he's asmodeus. he's flawless, everyone loves him, every single part of him is so perfect that he doesn't seem real. he's spent so long building this façade, he can't let it crumble.

but how can he not be around you? you just... get him. and he loves how safe he feels around you. he can get rid of all his walls and you'll still love him. you know the worst parts of him because you have the exact same baggage.

he lets his guard down incredibly fast because he's not stupid enough to waste precious time hiding away when he could be spending it with someone who is absolutely perfect for him in every single way.

acts like that's the stupidest, weirdest thing anyone's ever said in the history of forever, but turns around and blushes immediately after cause he gets it:

lucifer, mammon, leviathan

gets it a little.. too... much..... be careful, you might wake up in the middle of the night and find him trying to crawl into your ribcage:

asmodeus

doesn't understand. makes it known. hopes you feel stupid and embarrassed enough to not notice how mutual the feeling is and how much he likes that you think that way too:

barbatos, belphegor, lucifer

doesn't understand, but is nice about it. you'll have to explain it a bit. though he might never fully understand:

beelzebub, simeon

is a little put off by how violent the imagery is, but appreciates the love behind your words and frequently wraps you in his jacket/cloak or puts you in his shirt while he's still wearing cause that's the closest you can get:

diavolo, simeon, beelzebub

agrees to it and says you're cute, but you know he doesn't actually understand how serious you are:

solomon, satan, diavolo

"are you alright?" asked with genuine concern:

barbatos, beelzebub, simeon, satan

"are you on drugs?" asked in absolute bewilderment:

mammon, leviathan

"are you on drugs?" asked with genuine concern:

solomon

doesn't miss a single beat and expresses a similar sentiment so smoothly your brain stops working:

satan, asmodeus

"bring it on" with only the intention of being close to you, but not actually combining molecules

belphegor, diavolo, mammon

threatens to actually make it happen:

lucifer

uhhhhh

if you have the balls to ask him he'll probably look at you like you're stupid

no, you can't shave him.

are you kidding?

the only way you could ever shave any part of him is if he's in a coma and unable to do it himself.

mammon

?????????!!!!!!!!!!

god, you're so weird....

he'll sputter and yell, telling you that's the dumbest thing you've ever asked him

but if you ask him again, extra nicely, he'll fold

with enough persuasion he'll let you shave anything

though he'll be blushing furiously the entire time

leviathan

stares at you, completely unblinking, eyes wide and threatening

you can hear the gears in his brain turning

at some point he starts sounding like an overheating computer

all the while his face has been getting progressively more red

once he reaches peak flustered, he seems to completely shut down

you'll never get an answer from him, nor can you move him for the entire rest of the day

satan

his initial reaction is similar to lucifer, though way less judgmental

why?

"it seems fun" is a good enough explanation for him

however, depending on his mood, you might need to wait a bit for him to actually let you do it

but he would definitely agree

eventually

asmodeus

my, my, how cute you are! of course he'll let you!

he prefers waxing, but ultimately lets you decide which you want to do

though you'll have to wait a couple days for there to be any hair to shave or wax

a bit too giddy about the whole thing

will also pester you about returning the favor

if you really don't want him to shave/wax you, he'll let it go just as fast as he agreed to let you do so to him

beelzebub

huh? oh, sure.

you have to gather a lot of snacks to keep him in place for long enough, but other than that he's an angel

occasionally asks if you need help

he doesn't know what with, but he just wants to let you know that he's ready to help

he agreed without any hassle and that's how the entire process goes as well

he's very sweet :(

belphegor

asks if you can give him a fade on his legs

or stripes or even just like.. landing strips but down the fronts of his legs

if yes, he would definitely just be walking around like that til it grew back

if no, he'd probably still let you shave him, but on the condition that he gets to sleep the entire time

you will have to flip him around and position him all on your own

he will not help you at. all.

if you're okay with doing that much work, go for it

diavolo

takes a bit to process what you've just asked him

it's an odd question, give him a moment

he'll let you shave his face? is that what you meant? hopefully

thinks it's a very fun activity

you're now forced to shave him at least weekly just because he enjoys the intimacy

barbatos

he laughs cause he genuinely thinks you're joking

you're not?

oh

no.

you can't shave him.

he's terribly sorry, but he simply can not put himself in that position.

but, as you should know, he'd be more than happy to shave you.

though he said it in a way that seemed vaguely threatening......

simeon

very... unsure...

did he hear you right?

he.. supposes... he could let you... shave him....?

but he seems so confused

you feel too bad and decide to leave him and his hair alone

if you wouldn't leave him alone, go away

your question would haunt him for a while though

so eventually he'll tell you that he's up for it

then you can shave him

but be. fucking. gentle.

solomon

yeah

he'd probably tease you about it for an annoyingly long time, but yeah

it'll cost you all of your patience and possibly even sanity

he'd only let you do it once though (not like you'd want to do it another time after the absolute torture you had to endure)