Marcus Ghost Door

to me, alexander stowe is a character defined by how much he loves people, as well as his loneliness. his family pushes him away and sends him off to die, and still he tries to reach out and/or defend their decisions. he's always on the outskirts of his friend group, whether by choosing to isolate himself or through having to be the leader--and still, he longs to be close to his friends time and time again, and feels his best when he's part of the group again. he loves his sisters to death and back, and yet he smothers them so much that he ends up pushing them away.

alex is also a character who is abandoned time and time again. aaron tries to kill him, marcus tries to fake his death to get away, meghan and lani and samheed leave without him because he's too busy to follow, he loses simber and cole and carina and sky tries to save her mother alone and then his sisters leave him in quests, too, and he's so used to it that it feels like an inevitability. so maybe he'll do whatever anybody wants to keep them around.

and i feel like that interacts with his romantic relationships in a really interesting way. lani bullying him is part of what pushes him away in the first book, but he still kisses her on the cheek and seems to have crush-y feelings on her. he pushes sky away time and time again for a variety of reasons, and yet they continue to come back to each other, over and over, especially because they work together so well as a team and he feels as though he cant succeed, cant survive, cant live, without her.

along with this, alex is someone who struggles with saying no. he plays along with what people want from him often when it comes to his role as head mage; even after telling marcus no, marcus simply ignores him and insists that he takes the job anyways. and it seems to go well, everyone tells him that he's an amazing leader even if he doesnt always feel like it.

so what about him being aroace? well, here's a boy who's been told time and time again that he just doesn't fit in, no matter how hard he tries. even in a world of misfits, even in a world where he's finally seen as talented and amazing, even in a world where he's allowed to be himself, he doesn't quite fit in. but he's so desperate to! he's always been desperate to be loved, to be part of the group, to not miss out on things, even when he gets pushed away over and over. everyone else is feeling all these romantic feelings, samheed and cole have crushes on meghan, lani's got a crush on him, etc. etc. and he wants to be just like them, he wants to fit in, so it's not that hard to just play along with what people want, right? he's already doing what marcus wants, even though he doesnt like it, so what's one more thing? if this is what keeps the people he cares about in his life, then shouldnt he play along and try to feel the same way?

side tangent: to me, quill is a society devoid of romance. strong feelings about anyone, or really anything, aren't something that's really allowed. parents don't even feel strong love for their children, and i doubt they feel strong love for each other, in almost all cases. however, artime is a world filled to the brim with feelings, with love, with care, with art of all kinds and color and magic, where those feelings are allowed and encouraged. along with this, artime does have access to records from the outside world--works by shakespeare and ovid, along with books like moby dick, are all canonically available in this world, and all feature strong romances that literally discuss our world's feelings on things like marriages. they take inspiration from our world in the fragments theyre given, and, well, those are fragments they canonically have...so i can see that being part of where artime gets its views on romance from, and thus, i can see it being something they encourage as well.

and, again, he's surrounded by it in his close friends. carina's already been married and had a child; sean's got a crush on carina; samheed and lani end up getting together; the list simply grows as the series continues. this is all normalized for him. this is something he should want, right? this is what it is to be normal?

enter sky. sky, who latches onto him quickly, who gives him a shoulder to cry on time and time again, who's caring and intelligent and helps solve his problems and never complains about it. sky, this girl he feels as though he has to help, once she helps him; sky, adventurous and willing to fight for what's right, who understands him and will be by his side no matter what.

and, like, obviously he should love her, right? isnt that what he's meant to do? he's supposed to kiss her and hold her close and do whatever he can to help her, right?

along with this, alex is an artist. he sees the beauty in everyone and everything around him, all their little quirks and mannerisms and the way their hair falls and...you get it. and that kind of aesthetic attraction is really, really easy to confuse for a romantic one.

(i also do view alex as someone who experiences attraction and romantic love sometimes. i think it's closer to demiromantic/sexual than grayromantic/sexual, but i dont want to label him that closely, especially if it's not really words he would have access to. but i could see him, somewhere beneath all of his other feelings about sky, of obligation and trust and care and understanding etc., loving her, at some point.) (he's someone who craves affection and attention, so romantic relationships are something that i think he does enjoy, even if he doesnt necessarily feel the same way. he doesnt mind sharing his life with someone.)

now, onto sky.

sky is different from her unwanted peers because she's not unwanted, a fact that she brings up time and time again. she's not creative, she's not magical, and she knows that she doesnt really have the same context of a quill upbringing that everyone else does. at first, she doesnt really know anybody else; theyre all closer friends than she is, and she hovers at the edges of the friend group, not really getting close to anyone besides alex.

another side tangent: i dont think warbler has traditional families or parental pairs, let alone romance. again, this is a form of control by eagala; let people feel strongly about each other, they might pair up against you. obviously these kids know their mothers, but fathers are never mentioned by any of the warbler characters, so i wouldnt be shocked if parents just dont stay together past, yknow, making a child. along with this, i view warbler kids as being raised moreso by all the adults underground, allowing most parents to go back to their normal jobs at a certain point. it's not fully giver-esque where birthmothers and babies are fully separated, obviously sky and crow still love copper and scarlet knows her mother, etc., but it's not like quill, either.

so, along with missing out on the literal experience of being unwanted, she feels like she's had so many other things stolen from her, including this idea of romance. what's one more thing for her to learn, you know? she's surrounded by it, so surely she can pick up on it easily enough.

and alex is her closest friend in the world, someone who looks at her like an actual human being rather than just another cog in a silent machine, who listens to what she has to say and chases her down to help her and theyve been through so much together. she knows him so well and cares about him so deeply and theyre already so close--if she has to be in a relationship with anybody, then he's her best option, and she doesnt mind it. she can already see herself spending the rest of her life being close with him, so what difference does this make?

their relationship is still founded on so, so much love and trust and care for each other, i just dont necessarily think it's romantic. at the end of the day, they really are a pair, through and through, balancing out each other's weak points in some places and amplifying each other's flaws in others. but they saved the world together! i genuinely dont think the two of them could ever be just normal friends about each other, if that makes any sense. they are best friends at the very least, no matter what.