WrapHappyPappy

No. D/s is explicitly negotiated, and consent can be revoked without reprisal.

But imagine if you lived in a country where the color of your skin got you killed for driving, jogging, sleeping, yelling, parking, babysitting, sitting in a van, selling CDs, selling cigarettes, opening the door, walking at night, wearing a hoodie at night, holding a toy gun, lying on the ground, being homeless, being in a dark stairwell, holding a cell phone, having a broken taillight, exercising horses, having a bottle of pills, shopping at Walmart, holding a BB gun at Walmart, holding a phone in your own backyard, eating ice cream in your own house, and shopping, you would say, “That is a lawless country.” 

Rope by @babyotterpup

Onesie from @littleslaboratory

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July 16, 2019

Howdy ho Miss! I wanted to submit some hand porn, so I volunteered Pip to help. We hope our impromptu offering is enjoyed by you and your lovely followers.

JD

booty to hold at night.

said Alice.

“You must be,” said the Cat,“or you wouldn’t have come here.“

Alice in Wonderland

The term “Toxic Masculinity” is ugly, divisive and offensive. There is nothing toxic about masculinity as there is nothing toxic about femininity. You can’t have too much masculinity or too much femininity.

There’s this disgusting movement where the noble fight for equality of opportunity for women and men was overshadowed by this grotesque movement to make what’s considered masculine and feminine ambiguous or reframed. Somehow the target of this is traditional masculinity. Why be so bias? Why not appreciate the variety of a traditionally masculine man. Why not appreciate the variety of a traditionally feminine woman. 

Masculinity is not rage it is resolve.

Masculinity is not oppressive it is self respect.

Masculinity doesn’t threaten it pushes back threats. 

Masculinity isn’t Domineering it is Dominant. 

Masculinity is not denigrating it is uplifting. 

Masculinity is not rude it is giving and demanding of high respect. 

Masculinity isn’t breaking people down it’s building up. 

Masculinity is not oppressive it’s self reliant. 

Masculinity isn’t taking from people it’s defending them. 

Masculinity isn’t harping on someone it’s listening to them. 

Masculinity isn’t abusing power it’s channeling power. 

Masculinity is integrity. 

Masculinity is caring. 

Masculinity is physical/mental/emotional strength. 

Masculinity is protecting loved ones.

Masculinity is drive.

Masculinity is leading. 

Masculinity is following, the footsteps of good people. 

Masculinity is self control. 

Masculinity is inspiring. 

Masculinity is courage.

Masculinity is virtuousness. 

Masculinity is making people around you feel safe. 

Masculinity is power.

Masculinity is a good thing.

And yes masculinity is even warm good hearted rough housing and nurturing the personal ability to do violence to defend one’s loved ones and territory. 

Here I am talking to Dominant males. Self identifying males that consider themselves Dominant males, it is our job to not allow masculinity to be redefined as something negative. Masculinity is not toxic. 

A excess of traditional masculinity is not toxic. Behavior can be toxic. Violence can be toxic. Abuse of power is toxic. A rude and disrespectful outward conduct is toxic. Racism and misogyny are toxic. None of that is being masculine. Masculinity is not putting people in harm’s way. Masculinity is not being a dick or an asshole. Masculinity is not bullying. Masculinity is not toxic. 

Masculinity is simply the art of being a man. 

If you are a MAN who considers yourself virtuous who allows masculinity to be reframed and redefined as something that could be remotely “toxic” then you are part of the problem. Get your head on right. 

Which made me oddly happy. I started imagining a world in which we replaced the phrase “politically correct” wherever we could with “treating other people with respect”, and it made me smile. 

You should try it. It’s peculiarly enlightening.

I know what you’re thinking now. You’re thinking “Oh my god, that’s treating other people with respect gone mad!”

Restrained noises of intelligible pleas and moans are the only sound in the car, as the music was cruelly turned off… cant let it have the comfort of muffling their folly. Eventually, the car is pulled up and parked in the house. Prepared to get thrown into the backseat, the mess didn’t expect to get handled by the back of the makeshift gag into the house and onto the kitchen floor.

You begin to heat up the chocolate as the snap of nylon to skin resonates like a knife through the pitiful one’s senses. They knew. We always know. The gloves are nothing short of our demise… as is the binding of wrists with tape. Once contained, the gag is removed with immediate questions of intentions. One finger is pressed against lips as a silent warning to shut the fuck up as the other hand curiously mutters words of disgust as two fingerfuls the slutting concoction that brewed is scooped up.

Well, first off, he and you need to research and read as much as you can about good D/s and BDSM practices. I would advise seeking advice, and starting slowly. Make sure you are extremely open and communicative with each other. From your perspective, as the person who appears to have driven the initial foray into this, you can flag good reading to him, when you see a good article, show it to him. But don’t come across as if to say “you must read this now!”, just approach as if to say “I read this really interesting and informative article, I thought you might enjoy it too”. Knowledge is power. Good luck. 🖤

It’s helpful to lean into any natural dominance by checking any “topping” behavior. I’m a dominant woman in my every day life, so sometimes it’s easy to assert my opinion when he makes a decision or tells me to do something. I try to take a tick before answering things he says, to make sure I’m in a submissive space, and check any desire I have not to listen. I’ll take some questions as orders and default to yes as an answer “Please, Sir.” If he asks me my opinion on something, sometimes I’ll say “what do you think?” or “this is what I’d like, but I’ll follow your lead.” Basically just trying to get into the habit of following him.

Once that started progressing and I didn’t feel it would overwhelm him to talk about it, I asked for some help. We created a phrase for when I’m pushing back, inadvertently topping from the bottom. He says “Trust me.” And that’s a pneumonic device for “You’re topping and you need to stop and trust that I’ve got you.” 

It’s also been key for me to ask for what I want. Sometimes with words. Sometimes with movement and body. (”May I have a spanking?” or kneeling with our whip or a belt for when he gets home). Respecting when he says no. Affirming that it’s for his pleasure and at his will. (Asserting when it’s a need so that he can fulfill that.) Leaning into dominance with sex. For us the kinky sex is a gateway to the foundational stuff. 

I have had to be careful too, taking one want at a time. It’s when I am greedy it can sometimes overwhelm him. So, the biggest thing that has not been helpful is that I’m obsessed with this right now. There are so many things to want and need, and it’s easy to get lost in them, and confuse them and forget to meet his needs too. It feels like I’m bursting at the seams sometimes.

So I’m working on deciding what is a want and what is a need. This is new and very difficult for me. But I’ve asked Sir to ask me when I ask him things “Is this a want, or a need?” It helps me challenge myself to delineate more clearly. It also gives him the opportunity to assert dominance. He tries to meet my needs immediately but plays around with meeting my wants. Always eventually, but on his time table.

And it helps teach me patience.

It’s easy to want to live, eat, breath this and overwhelm him with the sheer intensity of my need. I had a really hard couple of days recently, and actually felt like maybe it would be easier to stop being submissive. But that’s just not possible because it’s who I am. So it’s important to remember one very key phrase: 

“Good girls are patient.” 

Both a mantra and a lesson I have had to learn and relearn. Impatience in this life can cause damage, it can hurt, it can make things more difficult. Make sure to ask about/read about subfrenzy, and take heed that it IS real, it DOES happen, and it CAN ruin things. I wish I had listened better about that. I wish I had done more research and entered in slower.

@fantasies-of-a-dominant is right, sending articles is super helpful. I save articles about introducing D/s and the different options @ggsavesallthethings and then when we are talking about something within D/s (bondage, CNC, rules, aftercare) I send him corresponding articles to read and we  talk about them. 

That actually came out of a minor (but could have been major) mistake when we didn’t think or read about aftercare after our first punishment. So now we prepare. SAFE, sane and consensual. 

I and we have made mistakes and that’s ok, because mistakes are milestones that mark my/our growth. When I’m unsure, when I need support, I reach out to members of this community, I build a tribe. It was some of my tribe ((thank you @fantasies-of-a-dominant, @xxxamorexxx​, @hesincharge, @comicbookj82​ & @avidlylearning​) that helped me get through those hard days until Daddy and I could get on the same page again.

With any new thing introduced into a relationship, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. @instructor144 (another thanks!) told me recently “It’s hard when both people are learning together. Some really succeed at it, but the basics have to be there.” At the end of the day, I could bring all of this to him, do all of these things, but he had to step up too. It had to be natural for him to be dominant and then he had to choose to lean into it. So, there is responsibility on both of our sides, and we both have to accept that for this to work. 

Feel free to reach out anon, I’m always happy for a new tribe member, and while this is not intended as advice, I hope that my experiences can be of some help to you and your potential Dom, I wish you the best. Submission is magic, and we all deserve a little magic in this life!