Work Later Drink Now!

Azzi Fudd had a problem.

Which was kind of ridiculous if you think about it. Azzi Fudd. Number one recruit in her class. Perfect shooting form. The people’s princess. A guaranteed bucket. She was perfection personified, so it was only laughable that she had discovered that she had what could only be described as: a colossal problem.

She just couldn’t stop thinking about Paige Bueckers.

She couldn’t stop thinking about Paige Bueckers, the basketball star who could somehow sense where she was on the court at all times, who never made a bad pass. The girl who talked trash more easily than breathing air and always took a few too many risks. Couldn’t stop thinking about how she made stupid jokes just to see her teammates laugh, how she shouldered Azzi’s burdens with her, taking it all in stride with a smile.

She couldn’t stop thinking about her golden blonde hair that somehow glowed in the light, or the freckles that dusted the bridge of her nose, or even the curve of her lips, pink and bright. Azzi couldn’t stop thinking about her speckled blue eyes. The eyes that she swore softened, when they made contact with her own.

Paige was Azzi’s problem, and the universe must have some sort of vendetta against her. Yes, the universe had it out for Azzi because this was a problem that try as she might, she simply couldn’t shake off.

Even now, sheets wrapped around her bronze skin, sunlight peeping through the curtains, infiltrating her solitude to shine directly onto the sleeping girl beside her - Paige was Azzi’s problem.

She lay on her bare stomach, arms curled beneath her head. Locks of hair messy and free, a crescent moon around her face. Mouth ajar, her eyelids twitched every so often.

God she was gorgeous, and Azzi could only stare. She could only trace the thought into memory and drink the sight in.

She would let her eyes linger and her heart flutter in silence, for a moment. She would turn towards the ceiling and replay the scenes from last night, burning them into the back of her eyelids so that she would not forget. As if it were a one time thing. As if it wouldn’t happen again, and again, falling into each other like tidal waves, pulling and pushing as if by external force. She couldn’t help it really, the way she went so easily. The way one particular look from her best friend withered away any futile attempt at self control.

Paige drew people in, and Azzi was not immune to that, no matter how long she had known the girl.

So instead of regret, Azzi chose to guard what was left of her heart, after it had been hollowed out time and time again. She rolled over and swiftly picked up the items of clothing that had been strewn across the room in haste last night, before toeing the door open and fleeing the dorm room entirely.

She only hoped that Paige would wake up after the side of the bed had lost her warmth; as if she had never been there at all.

-

It hadn’t always been like this, tiptoeing around each other by day and entwined together by night. It used to be innocent, the friendship they had.

There’s a spark, a moment where you just know, that someone is going to become a large presence in your life. For Azzi? She felt it at fourteen, for the skinny, overconfident white girl that sat next to her on the airplane and just would not shut up. Born purely out of love for the game, the pair had bonded over their chemistry on the court, and eventually, their complimentary personalities off it.

By the time the plane touched down in Minnesota, the two girls had decided that they were meant to be.

Best friends, that is.

In between texts and constant video calls, late nights of whispered confessions and light hearted 'good morning' messages, Azzi had begrudgingly admitted that Paige had wormed her way into her heart, and taken home there, permanently. Now one of her favourite people, it wasn’t a question whether Paige would stay over at her place during quarantine. Of course she would, had to.

And so the excitement, and subsequent turmoil, began.

They had visited each other often, had slid into each other’s lives and grown into each other’s families in a way that felt easy. They had rooted themselves together, at their very core, touching at the places and hearts that meant the most, to each girl. There wasn’t a memory unshared, a story kept untold. They had grown so accustomed to each other, the ebb and flow of the familiarity they shared; that it felt as if a missing puzzle piece or an unfinished equation, when the other was apart.

Paige had all but dumped her bag by the door when she arrived, shrugged off her coats and a beanie without care, before tackling Jon and Jose and rushing over to squeeze Katie. Azzi was still catching her breath after racing down the stairs, when Paige fist bumped Tim and turned to her, all easy eyes and breezy hair. She had tried to look cool, nonchalant. But Azzi noticed the way she paused, gulped.

“Hey Az, miss me?”

And that’s all it took for Azzi to shake her head and crush her into a hug.

At first it had been normal, the routine they built during their time living together. Joint at the hip, they would wake up in tandem, Azzi first and then Paige, slowly dragging themselves out of bed to have breakfast with the family. Afternoons would be spent getting some shots up in the front yard, then joining in on whatever shenanigans Azzi’s brothers had gotten themselves into. By evening they would find themselves lying on the deck, whispering to each other about dreams and futures and other terrifying things that they weren’t brave enough yet to share with the world.

Paige would cross her arms behind her head, knees pulled up to face the sky as she talked about UConn, championships and the WNBA. She talked about how scared she felt, not knowing if she would get there, achieve everything she so badly wanted. Then she would turn to Azzi, eyes alight, and talk about playing together again, winning alongside each other, arm in arm. She would promise things like tiktoks together, and how she would only ever make masterful passes to her ‘back court twin’.

Azzi would smile back at her helplessly, the only thought in her head this: How did I get so lucky, to know you.

The change happened subtly. It began with Paige shifting closer to her during movie nights, blaming Azzi for stealing the blanket. Lingering eyes when she wore her bikini on pool days. Paige blushing beat red any time she did something thoughtful, Azzi whispering “thanks P” as she blinked up at the blonde through her lashes. The teasing that had always been a constant in their friendship had grown from some sibling kind of brawl to something softer, with undertones of tension.

Tension that wound so tight, it was only a matter of time before it simply had to snap.

They had been inside during a rainy day, strewn across the sofa, entangled. Azzi had been reading a sort of romance novel, the sappy kind with a plot full of holes. A guilty pleasure, but felt an adequate choice for the moment she found herself in, sneaking glances at the girl whose head rested firmly in her lap.

Paige had grown bored of gaming with Jose a while ago, and promptly decided that Azzi’s lap was the perfect place curl up to doze off. she had infiltrated Azzi’s peace, and slotted herself in between her legs on the small and rather cramped couch. Azzi hadn’t felt like denying her either, selfishly eager to indulge in the closeness it brought to her best friend. So instead, Azzi said nothing, only shifted to hold her book in one hand, leaving the other free to card through blonde streaks, as Paige sighed contently and drifted off into sleep.

The girl in question shifted slightly now, still entirely dead to the world, left forehead turning to be pressed even tighter against the flesh of Azzi’s upper thigh. Azzi’s shorts had ridden through the shuffling, and the contact caused Azzi to stall for a minute, suddenly aware of the compromising position she had found herself in. She tried to regain composure, tried to focus on her book, but Paige’s mouth had fallen open a little, and her breath was hitting the inner thigh in a way that made Azzi tingle all over.

Frustrated and entirely distracted, Azzi tried to shift herself into a more comfortable position, slowly, doing her best not to wake Paige.

Terrible mistake.

Paige’s head turned once again with azzi’s manoeuvre, lips grazing the meat of her leg. The tiny brush of skin sent Azzi off kilter. Her brain spun, her view slanted.

She promptly dropped her book.

Paige woke with a start, rubbing her head, disoriented. She opened her mouth, surely about to tell Azzi off for disrupting her dreams, when she caught it. The blush painted across Azzi’s cheeks. The way the younger girl had to look away, the way she swallowed roughly. Azzi could see from her peripheral vision as Paige put it together, looking down at where she lay moments ago, then up, gaze searching.

Paige reached out. Fingers grasped at Azzi’s chin as Paige steered her best friend towards her. They were inches apart now, Azzi’s chest still raggedly moving in and out with her unsteady breath. Her hands had gone clammy and her book had slid to the floor, forgotten. The one consolation was that Paige was blushing too, also clearly affected by the close proximity, but there was a determined look in her eye, one that caused Azzi’s heart to speed up, unsure of what came next.

Paige brushed her thumb over her chin, not even an inch from her lips. Azzi’s heart was erratic now. She could count Paige’s freckles from this close, one small lean in and she could kiss them, even. The thought only made Azzi more nervous, as Paige moved impossibly closer.

“Can I?” She asked, eyes on Azzi’s lips. It came out in a waver, unsure. Out of fear or anticipation, Azzi did not know.

Azzi couldn’t take the tension any longer. She didn’t bother replying, simply pulled Paige in by her shirt. And then they were kissing.

It was clumsy, tentative, at first. But Azzi’s chest felt like bursting when she felt Paige’s lips tangled up in her own. They tasted sweet, and so very soft, and oh wow how Azzi could drown in this forever. She never expected it to feel so right, and just so good, the way Paige’s hand cradled her neck, the desperate way her mouth explored Azzi’s own, hungrily. They couldn’t help themselves, from going back for more, and more. With each press of lips it became only more dizzying and difficult, to finally break apart.

After that, things changed rapidly. Whenever they found themselves alone, the pair would weave themselves around each other. What began as simple kisses turned into heated lips, short gasps and eventually, quiet whimpers. Clothes got lost in the night as they clutched each other close, names breathed out as promises they had no idea how to keep.

During the day, Paige would tease harder, argue more, just to get a reaction out of the younger girl. Tim and Katie exchanged knowing looks over the dining table, a tale as old as time unfolding before their eyes.

Paige had also taken to pulling Azzi close, alone and in public, resting her hand along her waist. It was a casual affection, but it seared through Azzi’s skin. The action felt intimate: the grip on her waist, the hand thrown around her so easily. It felt like she belonged there within Paige’s arms, and Azzi felt a sick sort of satisfaction, with the knowledge that she had captured Paige’s fleeting attention, for a while longer than most could.

It was a dangerous thing, this new development, tracing each other’s skin every night and tied together every day, because they had not spoken about it.

Neither girl had rushed to establish what exactly it was that was happening between the two. It was a fear that creeped up on Azzi when she had a moment alone, alarm bells clashing.

But Paige had begun to whisper “my girl” in Azzi’s ear, so she swallowed the feeling of dread and allowed herself to fall back into bliss.

-

Now, Azzi felt stupid. Stupid for thinking anything could have ever become of this, stupid for feeling special. Stupid for being so weak for Paige Bueckers, who didnt seem affected by their awkward tango in the slightest.

She shook herself from her thoughts as she jogged up to Jana, who was stretching out as the team wound down in the locker room together. The two talked and joked for a bit, making light of the gruelling practice they had luckily just survived.

She tried not to notice Paige - the player’s presence somehow always so easy to locate - to ignore how she laughed so easily with KK, probably about something silly and juvenile. Instead, Azzi turned to bother jana again, attempting to stretch a bright smile across her face. She was never too fond of acting.

Somehow, it worked, and Jana linked her arm as she rambled about how hungry she was. Azzi swore she was listening, and she definitely didn’t glance at Paige again as she left towards the dining hall, her mask brittle and her heart fragile.

She was still thinking about it after dinner, alone in her room, equipped with a makeup brush and lipgloss.

The problem was just that Paige made it look so easy, this thing between them.

It was as if she hadn’t noticed, Azzi slipping out at first light, or the bruises along her hips that Azzi had made sure to leave behind before her senses were returned to her with the morning birds. She never faltered, never looked back, never showed any sign that it had happened at all.

But the worst possible part? She was still Azzi’s Paige.

She was still the same girl who left Azzi’s favorite protein bar by her locker on game days, the same girl who knew what buttons to press to get the curly haired girl to roll her eyes. She was the best friend Azzi had always known her to be, teasing her to ease the stress she knew would build on Azzi’s shoulders as the season drew near.

And it was difficult, to reconcile that image. The same fingers that had unravelled Azzi and deemed her utterly senseless the night before, in broad daylight would be pressed into the crevices of her knees, gently massaging the phantom pain away as they argued over what show to watch. All casual, no feelings.

It sent Azzi reeling. But Paige? Well. It must be all routine by now.

The thought soured in Azzi’s mouth as she changed into her outfit; a simple black crop top and jean shorts. It fit her snugly, accentuated her curves. She had chosen it intentionally for tonight. A team night at Ted’s to celebrate the official start to preseason, and Azzi’s sophomore year.

Azzi wasn’t particularly looking forward to it, now that she knew how it would all go down, how the night would pan out. Exactly the reason she had to arm herself with a carefully curated outfit, dolled up in glimmering jewellery and makeup.

She knew how tonight would go.. if last year was anything to go by.

-

Azzi’s freshman year had been a turbulent one. it had been strenuous, tough, and sometimes even lonely. But that had been later.

Initially, she had been excited more than anything else, a buzzing in her blood as she got ready for her first night out as an official part of the team.

Aaliyah had texted her the plan of action that morning, some backhanded technique they used to get the freshman into the bar and drinks into their hands. Azzi would normally have been nervous to be so rebellious, especially in a setting she felt she had yet to prove her worth, but Paige had slung her arm over her shoulder and promised a night to remember and really, she couldn’t say no to that.

She had yet to get accustomed to being in close proximity to Paige again, having spent a year apart from her. Embarrassing as it was to admit, Azzi had never grown used to it, the distance, a small portion of herself that constantly yearned to be near her best friend; to see her, and talk to her, to bother her whenever she wished.

Azzi had been worried, truthfully, when Paige had set off to UConn, with her talks of making history and ‘letting loose’ in college.

Azzi had cursed their minor age difference then, wishing with every fibre of her being that she were joining in on the excitement of starting that new chapter of their lives. She never announced it, never shared with Paige or anyone else how she feared that the girl would move on, find other 'more fun' friends, and forget all about her. Or if Paige would become embarrassed, that her best friend was still only a high schooler.

Mostly she was worried about the distance, of losing the familiarity they currently shared. What if Paige found another girl to do all the things she did with Azzi? She probably could. Paige had a way with people like that, a certain charm about her that made everyone want to lean in, hear more. Want more. Everything felt a bit too little, too late. Their relationship was so brittle and unnamed, how could Azzi know if it meant anything to Paige at all? Maybe Azzi was a placeholder, for someone else more worthwhile.

Instead of voicing her tormenting thoughts, she just hugged Paige close on their last day together, and then let her go. Trying as hard as she could, to let her feelings go along with her.

Her worries dissipated slightly, the day she visited Storrs. The new friends she had heard so much about embraced her easily, pulling for her attention from the moment she arrived.

“Hey it’s Paige’s other half!” Paige’s teammate Nika called out, causing the whole team to burst into warm greeting, all of them talking at once excitedly, eager to meet the shy, quiet girl who had only just stepped foot into the room.

Azzi felt her nerves grab hold of her when Nika, still beside her, nudged her arm and fake whispered “She never stops talking about you”, while nodding at Paige. Somehow, this deflated Azzi’s anxiousness, if only for a while.

Paige said nothing, only rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly as her team continued to cajole and tease them both.

It wasn’t until later, when the group had sat down to play a board game together, that the full account of Paige’s college life was revealed. It was Olivia’s turn, but she seemed distracted, glancing at her phone as it buzzed once, twice. After Aaliyah groaned that Olivia needed to hurry up already, she looked up and smirked at Paige.

“So Aaron just texted me about a party on Thursday. Guess who’s asking if you’ll come?”

Paige ran a hand through her hair, some strands that had come loose from her ponytail grazing the sides of her jaw. Azzi sat next to her on the floor, deathly still, as if to minimise her presence, as if it would make Paige forget that she could hear this conversation. They weren’t touching, but they had been close, and Azzi felt the sudden urge to put distance between herself and the blonde.

“Uh I dont know.. who?” Paige asked hesitantly.

Olivia rolled her eyes “Jade.”

Paige blinked.

Olivia tilted her head. “The girl from last week??”

Paige’s face remained blank, although her ears had turned a bright shade of rouge. Nika snorted. Aaliyah coughed. Evina muttered something under her breath that sounded like “she needs to keep track.”

“Cmon P! She’s in your family health class!”

“Oh! Yes, yes. Jade. Got it. Sounds fun.” Paige shifted uncomfortably before abruptly changing the subject. “Um anyway, y’all want take out? It’s on me.”

The room delved into chaos as the girls shouted over each other to put in their orders, but Azzi remained quiet. She wished the ground could open her up and swallow her whole, put her out of her misery. She had been naive to think, to hope, that whatever they had shared was something special. Of course Paige was out here in college, moving on and having fun.

Without Azzi.

She wasn’t waiting in bated breath, wasn’t itching for a moment they could spend alone together. On another level, Azzi felt that it was betrayal, in a way. When had they begun to store secrets, to omit things when they called to catch up? They were supposed to be best friends. Was this not the sort of thing best friends talked about? Relationships and love?

Then again, best friends definitely didn’t do some of the other stuff they had.

Azzi tried to salvage her plummeting mood, nodding along to whatever song Christyn had decided to play on speaker. Maybe when Azzi joins the team next year, things could finally change. Maybe by then, Paige would see it, this energy between them. Maybe she would come to her senses and realise that Azzi would treasure her, in a way she was sure no one else could.

Okay, admittedly, that one sounded ridiculous, but still. Azzi clung onto hope. Next year, when Azzi came back to UConn as a freshman, things would change, go back to how they used to be between them, and that would be enough.

And things really did change, a year later. Only not in the way Azzi had been anticipating.

Azzi found herself shivering in the cold October breeze, goosebumps running up her legs and arms that had deliberately been on display. She had dressed up purposefully, and even thrown on a pair of heels for this; for the irate person who dragged her out into this chill in the first place.

Ted’s had been alive and bustling, and Azzi had honest to God been enjoying herself, not worried about impressions, or team dynamics for once. Caroline and Amari had whistled when she walked in and directly ushered her to the bar.

They had been dancing altogether, drinks in hand, when Paige sauntered in. For a second, when she caught the tall figure make her way through the door, Azzi felt the room slow down. Heads turned towards the infamous teammate, weighted looks exchanged by lingering students nearby. Paige had always had a gravitational pull of her own, one that drew eyes and whispers wherever she went. She never needed to announce herself when she entered, a certain air about her that preceded herself.

Azzi turned back to her friends, determined to ignore the tug in her gut. It worked for a while, twirling around in her giggling trio, hips swaying to the dirty beat. They had only danced together for ten minutes, maybe fifteen, when Azzi noticed it.

Paige leaning against the bar, some electric blue drink in hand. Paige smiling as a girl next to her giggled, then ran her hand along her shoulder. The girl was pretty, tanned skin and brown curls. Cute smile too, Azzi could admit. But a furnace was bubbling inside at the sight of her, and the brewing heat only worsened as Paige pushed the girl's hair behind her ear, and whispered something lowly.

Azzi was tipsy, furious, and maybe a little reckless. She chewed on her lip, now stagnant on the dance floor. She shouldn’t. But she so wanted to.. Fuck it.

She made her way to the bar, wobbling slightly on her feet. Why on earth had she worn heels? It hadn’t gotten the reaction she had expected, wanted. In fact, even now, Paige hadn’t noticed her. She was still too busy flirting with the girl when Azzi reached the bar, and so the green headed monster took hold of the usually composed and rational girl.

Azzi reached in between the two bodies, forcing both of them to step back. She snatched Paige’s drink from her hands, leaning back against the sticky bar as she wrapped her lips around the straw. She knew Paige would track the movement, attention solely on her, finally. She took a sip, eyes locked on Paige’s. The blonde certainly acknowledged her now. She looked surprised, briefly, before schooling her expression into something more neutral.

“Hey Az.. what’re you doing?” Paige greeted, hesitation ringing in her voice.

Azzi smiled brightly, dangerously. Not the smile she usually wore, dimple popped and eyes crinkled. This was not her Paige smile. This was the smile that appeared during a tough game, when Azzi felt aggressive. It was the smile that appeared when Azzi wanted a win, badly.

“Hey P, just wanted to try your drink.” She shrugged, then turned to the girl Paige had been flirting with. “Oh hey, didn’t see you, sorry.”

Saccharine sweet, but Azzi was not sorry. Not one bit. She didn’t even pretend to be interested enough to ask for a name. Instead she turned back to Paige, who was still leaning over the bar, still looking at Azzi, questioning. It only emboldened Azzi’s actions, the warmth of her gaze. She brought her hand up to fix Paige’s collar, then slid her hands down the front of her shirt, above her chest.

She nodded to the drink still in her other hand. “Buy me one of these?”

It was possession, and Azzi knew it.

She knew she had no right, not really, but she was simply so confused. Paige had had her fun last year, messing around with all those other girls. She had sworn to Azzi during the summer, when they had tumbled into bed together for the umpteenth time, that they had only been brief and meaningless interactions, claimed that it was only some fun, something to do. She had insisted that none of them mattered anyway.

The inflection in her voice and weight of her hand in Azzi’s seemed to imply what she was not saying out loud. That this, they, were different. Or at least, that’s what Azzi had assumed.

But since arriving at Storrs last month, Paige had avoided her like a disease, only sending brief nods and customary encouragement her way. Azzi had tried to ignore it, the dread that she was losing not only the tense affection between them, but their friendship too. She could feel it slipping away right in front of her.

And so Azzi had made a bold move, albeit through alcoholic courage. Paige didn’t seem to appreciate it, as the girl she had been flirting with darted her eyes between the two before swiftly taking off towards the dance floor, without another word.

“Azzi, seriously. What the hell was that.” Paige was frustrated, but did nothing to remove Azzi’s arm from where it sat, where skin lay just shy of skin.

“What? Mad I lost you your girl for tonight?” Azzi challenged, leaning into Paige’s space even more.

Paige closed her eyes and breathed harshly, as if she were wrestling with her subconscious. Wrinkles formed in between her eyebrows with the effort of it, and Azzi had to stifle a giggle. Cute.

Maybe she was more drunk than she thought.

Paige must have won whatever internal battle she was fighting, because she suddenly stood tall, wrapped an arm around Azzi’s bicep, and escorted the younger girl outside. Azzi went easily, as she always did with Paige. Maybe it was trust, maybe foolishness.

And so Azzi found herself shivering in chilly air that whipped around them, as they faced each other by the brick wall outside the bar.

“Azzi, you can’t do this.” Paige started, distress evident in her voice as she rubbed her face, twice. “We can’t do this, anymore.”

“And what is this?” Azzi challenged, anger furling.

Paige scoffed, exasperated. “You know what I mean Az.” She looked around wildly to see if anyone was watching, then pulled Azzi closer. “We can’t keep fucking around like this. We’re on the same team. This is UConn, you know how strict the rules are here.. there’s no way that’s allowed. If we’re caught-“

Paige’s voice broke off. She took a deep breath before continuing. “What I mean is, we’re finally living our dreams Az, we can’t fuck it up now.”

Azzi said nothing. The rational part of her brain understood what Paige was trying to say, understood that the other girl only meant to protect them both. But there was something about the way Paige phrased it, the way she reduced their ‘relationship’ to “fucking up”, like it was insignificant, not even worth a name, a consideration.

Azzi saw red.

“Yeah, let’s not fuck it up Paige. Why would we fuck it up when you’ve got a good thing going. Don’t let me complicate your roster.”

Paige had the gall to look hurt for a split second, before her eyes narrowed.

“What the fuck are you trying to say Azzi?”

Azzi could feel the regret curdling in her stomach, but she had turned back towards the door already. “I’m saying, go find your girl. Sorry for interrupting.”

Then she stalked back inside before Paige could get another word in edgewise. She walked away, and with each step she felt her heart splinter. She ruffled through the mountain of coats that been piled onto a booth cushion, nabbed her own and headed out the door without another word. She shot Caroline a quick text, only half guilty for abandoning the group.

‘I’m tired, going home. text you when im there <3’

She set off back towards the dorms, carrying with her the chill that had infiltrated into her bones by now. Her eyes prickled, but she swallowed the tears back hard. She promised herself that this would be the last time she wrapped herself up in Paige Bueckers. That she would never again fall into the pretty point guard’s bed, and lose herself in her arms.

A well intentioned sentiment. Too bad it wouldn’t last long.

-

They had had sex many more times since that incident a year ago, and Azzi had lost the will to feel guilty about it, the broken oath to herself. All it took was a few sips of alcohol on a quiet night in, or layering exam stress, or the weight of a particularly bad practice, and before you know it, the two best friends found themselves entangled in one another, breathing each other’s air. Sinking into each others' skin, bruising the expanse of either’s neck.

Every time, Azzi would wake up first, leave before the other girl rose. Then they would both play pretend, honestly Oscar-worthy performances, until the cycle repeated, again and again and again.

So tonight - one year after they both decided to never to delve into each other again - when Paige tugged Azzi close in the middle of Ted’s and whispered “my place?” quick and frantic, Azzi could do nothing but close her eyes, nod, and allow herself to be dragged away, pretending this wasn’t exactly what she wanted.

She tried not to think of the fact that this had become a more frequent occurrence of late, as Paige pressed her against the wood of her dorm room door and melded their lips together, moving hungrily, but not urgent, never hurried.

Paige’s hands roamed, beginning at Azzi’s neck, then moved down, even further, grasping and touching in a way that seared into Azzi’s flesh. Paige touched her like it was worship, languishing in the contact. She mapped Azzi’s body as she tacked off one item of clothing at a time, breaking apart just long enough to catch her breath.

Paige took in the sight before her, as if it were the first time, as if Azzi were something otherworldly she couldn’t believe she got to hold in her arms. It made Azzi falter, almost shy. Which was ridiculous, because Paige had seen her in every form there was, every state of undress, had had that look in her eye many times before. It wasn’t new, but Azzi felt herself descend deeper in the pleasure of it all, ready to surrender at the hands that brushed over her now.

Paige continued her ministrations, slowly tracing her hands over the curve of Azzi’s hip, then waist, then higher, grazing her chest. Azzi moaned, her senses lit alive by all things Paige. Paige who touched her like she had all of the time left in the world. Paige who’s hot breath ghosted over the shell of her ear, whose perfume wafted into her nose and smelt like comfort, like home.

She kissed Azzi again, almost sweetly, then began pressing her open mouth along the side of her neck. Azzi’s head rolled back as she grabbed at Paige’s shoulders. She frowned when she found fabric there, and reached down to peel the shirt off. Paige shrugged it off, uncaring, before stepping back to peel off her pants off too.

She made quick work of it, and drew Azzi in again by the waist, walking them backwards until they hit the bed. The blonde sat at the edge, and pulled Azzi on top of her, who let out a short laugh with surprise. It was too easy, the way they molded together, the routine they formed years ago that still left the pair breathless by the end of the night.

Azzi could never get enough. She suspected Paige couldn’t either.

Azzi buried herself in the girl’s touches once more, and she tried very hard not to think of how they had been in this same position last night, and the night before. She tried not to think about how like those other times, they would never mention this moment again. She especially tried not to think about the other girls that had been here before, undone in the same way. The noises they made, the way they must have claimed this side of the bed afterwards. Would Paige have cuddled them too? Or had she just rolled over when they had finished, eyes closed and uncaring if they stayed or left.

Azzi selfishly hoped it was the latter.

In fact, Azzi had brought it up one day, both of them curled up on Paige’s bed, some plotless action movie laid out in front of them. Paige had been shovelling the microwave popcorn into her mouth, when the intrusive thoughts came spilling out.

“You change your sheets? Or am I sitting in the same spot a girl was in last night?”

She had tried to go for light hearted, joking. Not the pointed manner in which the words took hold. She expected Paige to laugh it off, make a joke about it before continuing to focus on the movie.

She hadn’t anticipated the way Paige turned to look at her, something serious and unreadable swirling in those blue eyes.

“Azzi..” She said, almost solemnly. “You know it ain’t been like that for a while.”

The sincerity in her tone had made Azzi want to squirm, but instead she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, sure. Now stop stealing the blanket!”

She could sense Paige’s gaze lingering on her face as she grabbed more length of the blanket and turned towards the laptop screen, ears burning.

Azzi had dismissed it then, but she had kept track of the fact ever since that day. Paige’s words had rattled in her head many times, and Azzi found herself watching, quietly. She had begun to notice, the dwindling number of girls that snuck out of Paige’s room on early mornings, the way Paige had begun to stick to the team instead of wandering off on her own at parties to chat someone up.

In fact, it seemed that it was only Azzi, who had increasingly spent time alone with Paige; sometimes for sex, sometimes not. Either way, she had become aware of this new change, and now had no clue what to think of it.

She tried not to dwell on the matter, tried not to read into things. They were best friends, regardless of the.. thing between them. Of course, Paige would spend more time with her. Maybe she missed how they used to be, so inseparable as they were. Maybe she was just locked in on basketball, and Azzi was the only one who actually got it, the suffocating pressure of it all.

Or maybe… just maybe… she felt the same way Azzi did.

It was those thoughts that struck now, even after Paige had fallen well and truly asleep, sheen coated and glistening skin pressed close against Azzi’s bare figure. The warmth of their shared exertion still lingering in the air as Azzi allowed herself this one indulgence, let her mind wander where it really shouldn’t go.

She allowed herself to wonder, as her eyes closed, and her consciousness slipped away - her breath, body and senses humming with all things Paige:

If I gave you all my love would you keep it?

-

Azzi could tell something was not right, as she blinked her eyes open the next day. There was an air about the room, a stillness she was not used to. Still adjusting to the light, Azzi stretched her arm wide and ran her hands along the surface of the bed. Nothing but rumpled sheets were what greeted her, comforter thrown aside without care. Azzi grew more than awake at this fact, a drumming in her chest that felt damning as she took in the sight beside her.

The indent in the very vacant pillow.

Panic crept up on her fast.

This was so, so wrong. Paige never woke up first. It was always Azzi, the early riser, a fact they had discovered well before, another quarantine routine that had slotted itself in, a perfect harmony to their differing personalities.

Paige liked to lie in, wake well after the sun had, rolling around for an hour or two before begrudgingly exiting her cushioned haven. Azzi woke before her alarms, and would be stretched, showered and fed before Paige showed any signs of life.

Never once in all her time knowing the basketball player, had Azzi ever woken up after her.

So it was jarring to see the empty bed, coupled with the fact that, Oh god, how was Azzi supposed to sneak out now? How would she avoid the confrontation about what happened last night? A conversation she was truly not prepared for.

Heart hammering, Azzi threw on a t shirt that lay on the floor by the bed, without sparing it a second glance. It was oversized, and fell just a few inches over her thighs, enough to cover where her underwear began. It’d do, for Azzi’s super quick, super quiet mission to ascertain where the hell Paige had gone.

She opened the door and peeped out into the hallway, coast clear for now. Azzi stepped out, making it halfway down the corridor before she heard a steady noise. The low mechanical hum that came from the kitchen. She inched closer towards the entrance, curious now, until she reached the threshold.

The scene before her stilled whatever fears had bubbled up. There was Paige, back leaning against the kitchen counter, hand thrown over her mouth in mid yawn. It was still dark in here; shadows contrasted against the golden girl in grey boxers and rumpled white t shirt. The humming had come from the coffee machine brewing across from Paige, a mug awaiting the swirling hot liquid below.

Azzi watched silently for a moment more, as Paige stared off into space. She seemed deep in thought with the way she sat so still, the sleepiness not quite worn off on her, evident in the way her blinks came slow. The scrunch of her nose made Azzi want to bite it; a thought that flitted through her head without permission.

Before she could run away with her imagination, Azzi stepped into the kitchen.

“Morning.” It came out a rasp, and Paige’s head flicked up towards her, clearly shaken from her thoughts. Her blue eyes softened, as she took in Azzi’s figure, a little awkward in the revealing attire. This was probably a terrible idea, but Azzi didn’t know what else to do. There was no sneaking past Paige this morning and besides, it’s not like they had to avoid each other entirely. They were still best friends.

Paige was still looking at her, silently. Had she drifted off again, to whatever she had been contemplating before? Azzi cleared her throat, and that snapped the blonde out of her trance.

“Is that my shirt?” She asked Azzi cooly, teasing lilt in her voice, as if this were a normal morning for the pair of them. As if they were used to this, could joke about it.

“Uh..” Azzi looked down. It was indeed one of Paige’s old Hopkins t shirts. And well. They shared clothes all the time really, Azzi often being the thief that would charge in and demand Paige root through her closet for something cute she could wear. But this was a very different scenario.

“I can change if you want.. “

Paige shook her head. “nah, don’t worry ‘bout it. Looks cute on you too.”

She mumbled the last part, but Azzi had caught it. Great, now she was blushing. She moved to open a cabinet, to distract herself from Paige’s words and hide her burning face.

“You want some coffee too?” Paige asked, ever considerate.

Azzi shook her head as she rooted through the cabinets, pulling out a pan, then moving towards the fridge, placing various ingredients on the counter top. Paige watched her, eyebrow raised in question.

“I’m hungry.” Azzi shrugged, before getting to work.

Paige let her at it, coffee in hand as she retreated back into her room. Azzi let out a breath she wasn’t holding. This would be fine. She focused on the food in front of her, the crack and crunch of vegetables being chopped. Paige returned after a while, still sipping on the coffee, looking decidedly more awake. The older girl took a seat at the dining table, just across from where Azzi stood, scrolling on her phone absentmindedly.

There was a comfortable silence in the air, mingling with the wafting scent of caffeine and simmering eggs, wrapping the entire kitchen in a morning haze. It was soothing, in a way, and for once, Azzi simply let the dust settle, not allowing herself to overthink her interactions with Paige.

It was a nice kind of change. Too nice.

Paige perked up as Azzi plated the food. Two plates, naturally. The taller girl stood up, then made her way over to place her mug in the sink, and Azzi, too engrossed in adding garnish to her own plate, ketchup to Paige’s, did not see it coming.

Arms snaked around her waist, light and brushing. Azzi let out a gasp, air escaping her entirely with the touch. Paige’s front flush against her back, chin resting lightly on her shoulder.

“Smells so good Az.” Paige whispered, so close, and Azzi really believed the universe must hate her.

It took every fibre of her being, every ounce of self control, not to turn around and pounce on the girl behind her. Instead Azzi resolved to steady herself. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and yeah, maybe savoured this moment just a little.

She detached herself from Paige and handed her the plate, before picking up her own, along with forks, and making her way to the table. Paige followed behind her, taking a seat at the table once again. Azzi waited patiently as Paige tried her food, eyes lit up as she took her first bite.

“Mmmh. did your big one on these Az. Swear they’re the best i’ve ever had.”

It’s obscene, the way Azzi’s mind seemed to live in the gutter, face burning and almost choking on her own food as Paige moaned in delight. About the eggs. Decidedly not a sexual matter.

She tried her best to cover for herself, rolling her eyes at the girl in front of her. Then, an idea.

“I do know how you like it, P.” Azzi said, sly as ever.

It was Paige’s turn to splutter.

Azzi faintly thought it was cute, how affected Paige seemed, splotchy red in the face, eyes wide. But almost immediately, her expression morphed into something shy, maybe even affectionate, as she shook her head at the curly headed girl.

“Yeah. Yeah you do.”

-

The breakfast incident set off a chain reaction it seemed, where soft affections and quiet spaces filled the previous fiery tension between the two friends. If their teammates had noticed a difference they did not utter a word, did not mention how the pair hat had begun to orbit each other even more, even closer, than they previously had.

Paige had begun walking with Azzi to practice, from practice, even seeking the younger girl out during lunch times when they were both free of classes. It wasn’t as if they had never hung out together before, but the amount of which had increased, with Paige’s newfound clinginess. Not that Azzi was complaining of course.

Azzi just observed pleasantly how sweet Paige had been, seemingly having grown more considerate than she usually already was:

It was an evening after practice, and Azzi sat defeated in the locker room, duffel bag limp by her feet. This one had been tough for her, the frustrating kind of session, where none of her shots were falling, where she just constantly felt a little bit too slow on her feet. Geno had even shouted at her, a true rare occasion, and it followed the perfectionist through recovery and bothered her even after she had changed out of her sweaty clothes.

Azzi was staring at the floor in dismay, wrapped up in her mistakes, when she felt a presence take a seat next to her.

“Hey.” Paige started, tentatively, as if Azzi were easily scared. Azzi just sighed, and looked up tiredly at the hopeful expression on her face, not finding the strength to deal with Paige’s antiques just yet. “What do you want P?”

Paige frowned, mock offensively. “Woah, slow down princess. Ever think maybe I’m not here tryna bother you?”

Azzi stared at her, deadpan.

“Okay.. fair.. but really this time, I got sumn that’ll cheer you up.” She cracked a smile, excitement twinkling in her irises now. Azzi stifled a grin, mood having already lifted slightly. Paige just had that effect on her.

“Well what is it then?” Azzi asked, not in the temperament to drag the answer out of her.

“Me. You. Ice cream date.”

Azzi wishes the context was different. The pair had a tradition, when either felt the need to comfort the other, to share in the misery without explicitly laying it out and dealing with it.

They would go to their favorite ice cream parlor downtown, and order the biggest size possible, filling the tub with as many new and whacky flavors as they could order. One of them would pay, and they would share the treat, laughing and talking for hours, until whatever had bothered them simply withered away and the only thing that was left was an icy sweetness on the tongue. Their ‘ice cream date’.

It was silly, and young, but so incredibly special. Just the thought of memories made from these little excursions brought a smile to Azzi’s face.

But it had been a long time since their last one, and there was a dull ache with the knowledge of why. When had the two girls begun to tiptoe around each other so much? Had it almost been a year?

So despite the fact that it was not a real date with the best friend she was hopelessly in love with, Azzi felt a giddy sort of glee at the idea. Paige seemed to catch this switch of mood as her face also lit up, and the two girls walked out of the locker room together.

Their arms brushed, just a bit, and Azzi could swear there were sparks dancing on her skin.

Another day, it had been legos that started it. It was a slow weekend in the dorms, the girls gathered together in an effort to play some board games and take their mind off of final exams that loomed around the corner. Throughout the afternoon however, they had each picked off into smaller groups, engrossed in their own activities.

Together, but separate, in a way.

Paige and Azzi, of course somehow the pair within the larger group, had found a new lego set that hadn’t been built in one of the tv cabinets, and set out to construct it. As always, they had started a competition, on who could build their section quickest.

“Hey you’re stealing my pieces!” Azzi cried indignantly, head swivelling as she looked around for the red brick piece she had just seen beside her crossed legs, a few moments ago. Paige scoffed dramatically, nose upturned.

“No I haven’t bro you’re just slow and tryna cover for it.”

Azzi glared at the girl beside her, who only grinned cheekily back. Paige looked unfairly pretty for the menace she was, strands of hair falling to her chin where it came undone from her bun. Damn Paige and her golden hair. Azzi shook herself out of distraction. Or well, she tried to. She couldn’t help that her eyes had a mind of their own, and were wandering over the older girl’s figure, just once, when something red caught her eye, peaking out from the pocket of Paige’s sweatpants.

“Liar!” Azzi exclaimed triamphuntally, reaching over paige’s lap to collect her rudely confiscated brick piece. Her arm brushed Paige’s chest as she leaned over, and she felt Paige stiffen slightly.

Huh.

She slowed her actions, just a little bit, pushed a little more purposefully against Paige, just to see, what would happen.

Paige stayed deathly still, not a breath between them, as Azzi finally retrieved her stolen piece. She was about to move away, back to her place on the floor, when she felt Paige touch her arm gently, her voice a rasp and low, lips grazing the shell of her ear.

“You’re distracting me baby” Paige whispered in her ear, and Azzi shot back as if she were burned. Paige simply sat there smirking, clearly satisfied by the effect she had on the younger girl. Smugly, she claimed “I can play dirty too”, before turning back to the puzzle strewn across the carpet before her.

Yeah. Azzi needed to take a quick dive off a cliff.

The final straw came the night after her accounting exam.

Azzi hated accounting. She hated the class and she hated the professor and she especially hated the long, tedious exams. She was exhausted, and so naturally, she found herself at Paige’s doorway, slouched and bag falling half off her shoulder already. She found that she always reached for Paige, in moments where she needed consolation, warmth. She would seek that wry smile, soft hands, the girl with even softer words, especially when it came to Azzi. It was natural. It was home.

Paige was distracted, headset on and controller in hand. Aubrey or Dorka online, chatting with her through the headpiece.

She waved Azzi in, before unpausing the game and picking up right where she had left off. It wasn’t her fault really, nothing personal. Paige simply had a tendency to get sucked in, into whatever she was doing in the moment, but Azzi felt dejected anyway. The weight of the day had caught up to her, and so Azzi slumped. She made her way wordlessly to Paige’s bed and nestled beneath the covers.

Paige must have sensed that something was wrong, by Azzi’s quieter-than-usual demeanor, because she called out “hey Az, is everything okay?”

Azzi didn’t reply. She just shifted under the duvet, turning to face the wall, decidedly away from Paige. She figured Paige would go back to her game, and Azzi would take a nap here, enveloped at least, by the comfort of Paige’s scent. She had closed her eyes for five minutes, when she felt a dip in the mattress beside her, and an absence of keyboard clacking.

Fingers smoothened through her hair, and Azzi fluttered her eyes open with the sensation. “What’s wrong baby?” Paige asked, so incredibly gently, enough to make a heart bleed out. Azzi turned on her side, so that they could be face to face now, anger towards the blonde dissipated, almost entirely. Concern was stretched across Paige’s forehead in lines, clear and troubling in the scrunch of her eyebrows.

“I hate accounting.” Azzi said as if it were simple, and maybe it was. Maybe it was simple, because Paige nodded knowingly, and went to switch off her monitor and headset. She turned off the overhead lights and switched the bedside lamp on. Warm yellows and greys danced around the room now, the space becoming even cozier than before. Azzi felt as if her mind itself were being wrapped in a blanket, so carefully.

Paige slipped in to join Azzi in bed, nudging her so she would move over and lean against the headboard. They were close now, touching, and Azzi felt the anticipation building up. But Paige did not pull Azzi in to straddle her legs. Nor did she lean over the younger girl as she usually would, pressing open mouth kisses into her neck until Azzi forgot all about her stupid exam.

Instead Paige opened her arms and tilted her head, as if to say: come here.

Azzi felt confused. Maybe she did want Azzi on top? She must have hesitated too long, because Paige rolled her eyes and drew her near. Azzi’s head now lying on Paige’s chest, her arm slung over her waist. They were still half sitting up, and Paige rested her head on top of Azzi’s own. She ran her free hand along Azzi’s back, tracing her spine soothingly. Azzi’s eyes fluttered shut at the unexpected affection, content, and maybe just a little bit deeper in love than before.

“Tell me about it?” Paige asked, and oh yeah. The exam. Azzi began to ramble, about the exam, the class, the shitty weather they had today. She tried not to let her heart soar as she felt the upturn of paige’s lips as she spoke, pressed into the curls on her head.

-

It was 4 o’clock in the morning, and Azzi couldn’t sleep. The problem? Paige Bueckers, again. It had almost been a month now, since the last time Azzi had felt Paige’s tongue, trailing down her body to where was most sensitive. To where she ached for it the most.

She reflected on everything that had happened, the subtle changes that had occurred since the breakfast together, the new closeness they seemed to share. The cuddling. Azzi would be lying if she said that it hadn’t come as a surprise. They hadn’t done this, affection without sex, before. It was foreign, but oh so good.

A small scared part of her wondered however, why so much had changed. Was this the beginning of the end? Had Paige grown sick of the sex? Was this her way of letting Azzi down easy, hoping she’d take the hint?

Was she misreading the signs, that seemed to point her towards a more dangerous, more enticing conclusion?

Because as far as Azzi was aware of, Paige hadn’t been caught up elsewhere. She hadn’t been swamped with assignments, hadn’t been seeing other girls. Not a single girl had been brought home at night, and the jokes of ‘player Paige’ had almost completely vanished from their friends’ vernacular. That, combined with the thickening.. something.. between both of them, the sweet gestures and pet names and prolonged glances…

Nah. Azzi was simply imagining things. Surely. The lack of sleep had gotten to her and now she was delirious. And maybe a little horny.

Sue her! But it had been that long for Azzi too, who now only seemed to have memories left where Paige used to satisfy before. She replayed the many times in her head, thinking about all the ways she wanted it now, the way Paige would have given it to her, relentless, unforgiving.

In her imagination she could almost feel Paige’s touch, the pads of her rough fingers, gliding. Paige’s lips, melting into hers, wrapped around her neck, bruising and sharp.

The pulse between Azzi’s legs grew stronger, unavoidable, desperate for attention as she reminisced. It wasn’t without guilt when Azzi slipped her hand down there, finally pressing into where she needed it, simply couldn’t control it. Her back arched off the mattress as her mind swirled, all milky white skin and electric blue eyes. Echoes of her voice, low and murmuring, were enough to tip Azzi over the edge, groaning, one hand fisted in the sheets.

It wasn’t Paige, but it would do, and maybe once the dopamine died and her heavy breathing slowed, Azzi could find it in herself to admit that none of this was normal; whatever this push and pull between them was. That it was doomed to crash and burn, if it hadn’t already done so.

-

Azzi had to move on. She needed to move on, for the sake of her own sanity at least. She had no idea what Paige was doing anymore, what this twisted and convoluted game of silence was between them, but Azzi knew she couldn’t take much more of it.

She had considered confessing to Paige, in hopes that once she let it out, that Paige would say she felt the same. But it was a risky move, because as far as she knew, Paige was still same old Paige, only with less hook-ups and more accidental touching. She wanted to grab her best friend by the shoulders and shake her.

if you feel the same then say so.

But ultimately, it was too risky of a gamble for Azzi to make. She’d rather go about it more quietly, preserve their friendship instead of her manic feelings.

So she enlisted Caroline’s help, in finding a distraction.

Luckily, Carol knew a guy. Quite literally. Apparently, some football guy had been crushing on Azzi, some open secret that had spread through the athletic department like wildfire, somehow dodging Azzi in the process.

His name was Isiah apparently, and he had been eager when Carol had passed him Azzi’s number.

Now Azzi didn’t know football like that. In fact, she could maybe name about five players total, and absolutely zero of those names played college football. Not to mention Azzi had no idea if she even liked men, spending most of her formative years pining after the same tall, charismatic girl she called her best friend. But what was the harm, simply talking to the guy? She’d see where it led, and maybe, worst case scenario, she’d make a friend out of the whole endeavor.

And so they had met up, a couple times over the last few weeks, grabbing a bite to eat or simply a stroll around the campus.

Azzi had to admit, Isiah was a nice guy. He was chill, with a sense of humor, and easy to get along with. Azzi found herself relaxed in his presence, splitting fries between them as they chatted about balancing college and sports. Caroline and Amari had poked at her relentlessly, teasing Azzi about her new boy crush, and Azzi laughed it off easily, shaking her head at their prodding questions.

Yeah, Isiah was cool. Azzi liked to hang out with him. They even had an ongoing text thread that spilled from one day into the next, seemingly never ending.

But he wasn’t Paige.

And thats what it all broiled down to at the end of the day. No matter how hard Azzi laughed at this guy’s jokes and complimented his hair, he simply wasn’t Paige.

He wasn’t the girl Azzi’s mind wandered to, when she was left alone and unoccupied. He wasn’t the girl that Azzi felt possessed to watch, whenever she was in the room. He wasn’t the girl that took Azzi’s breath away, with a simple touch. He couldn’t make Azzi feel what she already felt, for that stupidly kind and loving girl she had spent most of her life with.

Even now, after all this, Azzi just couldn’t stop thinking about her.

But still, Azzi was resolved, and so she pushed the doubts down and nodded yes, when Isiah grabbed her hand in the hallway after a lecture and asked if they could have a study date.

She sat in the study hall, Isiah sitting right beside her, pen tapping on wood. She was bored, honestly. He kept cracking jokes, and Azzi felt an overwhelming sense of dread wash over her with each one.

God what was she even doing?

She wanted nothing more than to wrap up this study session, accounting work still unfinished, pack her coloured pens away and bolt. Isiah's hand kept brushing hers on the table, and the poor guy really must have thought he was being sweet. Azzi smiled at him, though it was unsure in how it sat on her face.

What Azzi seemed to miss however - mind turning on how to escape this scenario entirely - was a certain golden-haired basketball player that paused on her way past the study hall, peaking in through the window. She didn’t see how Paige’s brows wrinkled, how her mouth turned down at the site of the younger girl, smiling at the man who leaned into her space.

-

Things between Paige and Azzi only grew more weird after that. Which was saying a lot, since they had already been in a slightly awkward position previously too. They still hung out, and Paige still slung her arm around Azzi’s shoulder as they made their way from the locker room, through the tunnel and onto the court. But there was a difference, a subtle sort of space that had erupted between them.

The type of space that could only be a result of deliberate avoidance, though Azzi just couldn’t grasp why.

Why would Paige have taken another step back? It’s not like they had even been physical with each other lately.

A chasm had cracked open, a division cut clean through the middle of the two so inseparable girls, though it would have been hard to tell at first glance. Azzi had noted it in the way Paige had begun responding to her texts more infrequently, the way she had begun to sit at a further distance than before, preferring Nika’s company, or Evina’s, sometime’s even Caroline’s, than Azzi’s own. It had been little incidents like that, too small to make complaints about, too significant to wave off entirely.

But isn’t this what she wanted? Hadn’t Azzi set out for distractions, in her need to distance herself from the pull, the wanting, the all consuming humming in her bones, that seemed to call for Paige? So now that she had it, Azzi ought to feel glad, relieved even. Instead, she felt stupid, for wishing that Paige would push a little. Close the gap. Do something, say something.

Just anything at all.

The team had been running drills on court, breaking off for a water break, one that was definitely earned after that particularly brutal session.

Azzi walked towards the bench, muscles aching already as she gulped down her water, trying to replenish her energy before the team scrimmage started. Her phone lay face down on one of the chairs beside her, entirely forgotten by the curly haired girl, until Paige marched over, face red and shining with the beginnings of sweat beading at her forehead.

The taller girl nodded in acknowledgement, before she bent down swiftly and scooped the phone up. She turned to Azzi with a sly grin then - the first time she had addressed Azzi personally all practice, in ways that wasn’t simply bellowing encouragement or calls to position - waving the phone around as if to punctuate her question:

“Yo let me queue something, please?”

Paige was referring to the music that had been echoing through the gym, not moments before. It had been Azzi’s turn on aux this time, and she had been under strict instruction by the coaches to cease all music by the time the end of practice scrimmage came around.

They had maybe three minutes, or four, before the game started, but honestly with the way Paige was looking at her right now, head tilted, eyes wide? Pretty pink lips all pouted? How could she say no?

“Yeah sure, make it quick though.” Azzi conceded, turning away to put her water bottle down, wiping the sweat from her neck away with a towel. When she still didn’t hear any music playing, she turned her head back, expecting to see Paige scrolling through the music app.

Instead she came face to face with a startled version of the basketball star, phone still in hand. She had frozen, figure completely still, eyes narrowed at whatever she had spotted on Azzi’s phone that had clearly offended her.

Azzi frowned, never glad to see this girl she cared so much for in such distress. “What’s wrong P?” She tried, which only caused Paige to click the phone off, before tossing it back to the bench, music forgotten. Paige grumbled something below her breath that sounded a lot like “forget it”, before she stalked away, without any further explanation.

Azzi was baffled, by the sudden lousy mood that seemed to have taken over Paige. She snatched her phone, eager to know what it was that Paige had seen, when she came face to face with text notifications. From Isiah.

‘wanna grab food w me after?’ The text read, and honestly, it did nothing to clear Azzi’s bewilderment. It was a rather innocuous text, nothing scandalous in content. It was a simple question to eat together, after practice was up. Why would a text like that bother her teammate so badly?

Paige was so dramatic.

Azzi huffed, before switching off her phone and making her way to the pregame huddle. She tried to catch Paige’s eye, twice, but the girl dodged her, looking away, or gazing at the floor as if it was oh so interesting.

Azzi’s frustration was building now, because could she really not just reel in her temper for one minute? As the group split apart, and the game began, Azzi tried to shrug the uneasiness off and lock in.

Everything got left behind, once they were on the court. The only thing that mattered was basketball. This could wait.

The scrimmage went well, despite the widening rift that had seemed to grow between Paige and Azzi. The newbies looked good, keeping up with the more experienced players. The energy was up. Paige still passed perfectly to Azzi, without looking, always knowing where the other girl was at all times. It eased Azzi’s mind to know that this was still theirs. That no matter what happened, their chemistry on court remained intact, in sync.

The relief was short lived however, because the extra stuff, the non-basketball plays, the quick interactions during a game, seemed to have fallen through with the breakage.

Paige didn’t shout “Yes Azzi! Like that!” any time she drained a three, she didn’t tap Azzi’s waist in acknowledgement when she got hit with a particularly rough screen. It was little things like that, small things, almost unnoticeable really, but somehow built up and weighed on Azzi as the game wore on.

By the end, Azzi was utterly pissed off.

She had done nothing wrong!

Paige had no right to treat her so coldly, to almost ignore her completely. Azzi was thoroughly annoyed at the older girl, but even still, as the team headed into the locker room after practice wound down, Azzi couldn’t help but notice Paige linger behind.

She watched as Paige picked up a basketball from the rack, making her way to the free throw line. She made one shot, then another, and continued on like that, only breaking away to chase after the loose ball. Azzi could see the tenseness in her shoulders, the pent up energy there.

And against her better judgement, despite her foul mood towards the blonde, Azzi couldn’t help but turn around, and make her way back onto the court, back towards the girl she loved.

Paige whipped around as Azzi’s footsteps grew near, mouth opening in protest when she spotted who it was. Azzi cut her off before she tried to begin.

“Shut up. I’m rebounding.”

And so Paige shut up and resumed her shooting.

Azzi, dutifully, rebounded for her, and a silence enveloped the two girls, nothing but the swish of the net and the squeak of sneakers on the floor between them. Azzi’s eyes traced the way Paige bounced the ball twice, the way her shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath. Eyes closed, then open, before shooting the ball and holding the pose, arm in the air, as she watched it fall through the net.

Paige had always shot free throws like this, in this same manner, ever since they had met. It was nothing new and yet, there was something captivating, or maybe comforting, in seeing it over and over again, throughout the years and also now.

They continued that way for a while, Azzi silently passing to Paige, who barely spared her a glance as she let the ball fly. Eventually, Azzi had enough. She waltzed up to Paige, and motioned for her to move.

“My turn.” She said simply, turning on the line to face the basket. Paige watched her quietly for a moment, before moving to take Azzi’s place, out of bounds.

Azzi had made four shots - Paige staring off towards the back of the gym, determinedly avoiding Azzi’s gaze - when she decided to steel her courage, and ask what had been on her mind.

She caught the ball Paige threw her, and placed it on her hip, one handed. “Paige.” She started. “What’s going on?”

Paige sighed, expression unreadable. “Nothing Az. Just shoot.”

“It’s not nothing! Why are you mad at me Paige? What the hell did I do today? Why have you been sulking all practice?” She implored, voice rising with each question. She dropped the ball now, letting it bounce and roll on the floor, away from her.

Paige tracked the movement, avoiding eye contact once again. “I wasn’t. Well I was, but I’m just tired. ‘m not mad at you. ” Paige mumbled the last sentence.

Azzi’s anger was rising. She could tell Paige was lying, by the way her hands twitched by her sides and how the girl still refused to look at her.

“You were, don’t lie. I just don’t get it. Was it the text from Isiah?”

Paige’s eyes finally darted to hers at that. She said nothing, but Azzi was on a roll now.

“It was, wasn’t it. Why Paige? What does it matter who I’m texting? Why do you even care?!” Her voice had climbed loud enough to echo against the four tall walls. Paige looked alarmed, eyes wide and teeth chewing on her lip before replying.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, voice quiet, almost embarrassed.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me, you and him were…”

Azzi stopped her short. “We aren’t anything. We haven’t done anything. We just hung out a couple of times. It’s nothing, really.”

Azzi had no idea why she felt the need to explain herself to Paige, to reassure her that her interest in Isiah was minimal, if anything at all. All she knew was Paige’s face lightened slightly, in a way that could be mistaken as hopefulness, after Azzi had finished. The sight of Paige, so thrown off in this way, so tormented by Azzi simply talking to a guy, caused Azzi’s mind to wander into familiar dangerous territory.

There was something about Paige’s nervous demeanor that made Azzi want to tell her the truth, for once. To be vulnerable. It made her think, maybe, she had been wrong this entire time. Maybe, just maybe, Paige saw her as something more.

It made her want to grab Paige by her shoulders and spill her guts out, until she was bare.

If you feel the same then just say so.

“I didn’t think you’d care” is what came out instead, too quiet. Azzi watched as the older girl’s face softened further.

“Of course I care.”

Azzi looked away now. Eyes burning.

“Of course I care.” Paige repeated, “Az, I care about you. I care about you so much, I don’t know what to do with myself. I dont know how to-“ her voice broke off.

Paige took a breath in, then started towards Azzi, something painful swirling in her expression as she approached closer, and closer, until they stood not even a foot apart.

“Don’t date him.” She begged, blue eyes searching the warm brown ones in front of her, desperate. “Please.”

Azzi couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. She had no idea what Paige was asking of her. she opened her mouth to argue. “What? But Paige, why? It’s not like we’re.. you know..”

Azzi wasn’t able to finish, to put what had been unsaid between them for so long into words, as if it could encapsulate all that they were. Are.

Together, dating.

Neither word came close to describing their magnetic draw to one another, the years of grasping, for whatever piece of the other’s heart they uncovered.

She was shaken from her thoughts by Paige’s voice, trembling.

“I know. I know, it was my fault and I was scared. I thought I’d screw it up, with you, and then it would screw with the team. Thought if we stayed like this, stayed friends, maybe it could work out. But I was stupid. I was stupid and I screwed it up anyway.”

Azzi said nothing, the words churning and digesting within her slowly. Paige took a shaky breath in, before continuing.

“I thought that if I could get over you, find someone else, a distraction, anything, maybe it would be enough and we’d go back to being friends. But it didn’t fucking work.” The words just spilled out of her now, any filter she had being tossed aside.

“I can’t get you out of my head, Az. I just can’t stop thinking about you. No matter what I did, it was you I wanted to be with, be near to. All the time. All the fucking time.” The words landed soft.

Always soft, when directed towards Azzi.

Azzi felt herself trembling, the words hitting her like a brick wall. Was this really happening? Or had she dreamt this entire scene up, conjured it in her head out of sheer desperation?

Paige continued.

“And I didn’t want you to think it was just the sex, because it wasn’t. The sex is great I mean, obviously, but that wasn’t the only reason. I thought maybe, if I proved myself to you, if we stopped the sex and just.. I dont know… maybe you would see it too. I mean, I get it, I fucked up last year. You’ve probably moved on, I’m sure that Isiah dude is great-“

“I haven’t.” Azzi’s voice came as a surprise to herself, as she interrupted Paige’s rambling.

“What?”

“I haven’t moved on.”

Paige’s mouth twitched upwards at that, and she stepped even closer, right into Azzi’s space. “Good.” She whispered, under her breath, but Azzi could hear it.

There was a hair of space between them now, and Azzi could see each indent on the pale face in front of her. Each mark and bump, every crevice and freckle.

Paige must have uncovered some newfound self confidence because she raised a shaking hand and placed her palm along Azzi’s cheek, tilting her head upwards slightly, so that their noses were almost touching.

She ran her thumb along the apple of Azzi’s cheek, eyes warm and boring into Azzi’s own. The touch felt like fire, like feathers. Azzi could only melt into it, give herself over completely to the girl she had known, even at fourteen, would own pieces of her forever.

“I’ve wanted you so bad, Az. I want you so bad, it terrifies me. I want you all the time. I want you next to me in games, on the court, on the bench. I want you when I’m bored, when I can’t stand anyone else. I want you when you’re mad at me, when you’re sick of me. I want you at every birthday, every celebration in my life. I want you in my bed, in my room, in every thing I do."

"I want you to be the first thing I wake up to. I want you and your smile, the dimple on your left cheek, the way you look at me. I want anything, everything, about you.” Paige finished, breathless.

The air out of Azzi’s lungs had escaped her, tears prickled at the corners of her eyes with one singular thought.

Finally.

Paige lifted both of her hands to catch the tears, droplets caught on her fingers before they could threaten to fall. She cradled Azzi’s face, gently, so preciously, as if she were holding the world in her palms.

“Azzi, baby.”

Azzi’s stomach flipped. She watched Paige’s lips as she formed the word, Baby. She yearned to taste it, the way it sat in Paige’s mouth before it fell off the tongue, plump and rich and oh so sweet.

“You’re everything, to me. The best person I know.”

Paige paused, and Azzi just knew what came next.

“I’m in love with you, Azzi.” Paige breathed, as if it was reverent. As if she had repeated those words in prayer in her mind, over and over, until they sounded sacred, aloud. “I love you.”

Azzi couldn’t hold back any longer. She surged forward, closing the remaining space between them. She kissed Paige hard, allowing it to convey the wild mix of emotions that had consumed her entirely.

She broke apart from Paige momentarily, eyes shining as she revelled in the fact that the girl was hers, and hers alone, after all this time.

Paige pulled her back in by the waist, and Azzi went easily, the urge to be as close as possible, to meld each others’ skin together. They walked backwards together, until Paige was pressed up against the wall, still tugging at Azzi, wanting more, closer.

Someone cleared their throat.

The two girls scrambled apart, tugging their shirts down, fixing fly away hairs that had twisted askew. KK watched them, amusedly, the embarrassment evident on their flushed faces as they panted slightly.

“Hey y’all,” she said coyly, “we’re leaving now so, like, wrap it up and finish this back home okay?” She gave each girl a pointed look, then burst out into a grin, before turning on her heel and heading back towards the lockers.

Paige groaned, dropping her head onto Azzi’s shoulder. “I’m never hearing the end of this” she muttered, and the younger girl just laughed at her dramatics. Azzi ran her hands through the golden locks that fell off her shoulder, pushing them back. She raised Paige’s chin now, forcing Paige to look up at her sheepishly, smile still stretched across her face.

God she was so in love with this girl.

And so it was out of Azzi’s control really, that she started peppering Paige’s face in quick kisses, little presses of her lips along Paige’s nose, the expanse of her cheeks, on the tips of her eyebrows, across her forehead. Paige’s eyes fluttered closed in pure content, and so Azzi had to press her lips there too; one for each eyelid.

“I’m so in love with you, Paige.” She said, as sure about it as anything in the world.

Sure, they had a long way to go; they had to figure out the logistics, had to break the news to the rest of the team and oh god, their families too.

They still had the overlaying problem of being teammates, of having to keep this quiet, their newfound relationship, for real this time.

But for once, Azzi didn’t much mind whatever problems tagged along with loving Paige Bueckers.