Words That Are Never Heard

She sought to be happy

Just wanted to feel loved

Ever since she was little

She never felt good enough

Twenty years have passed

And her thoughts have stayed the same

She fears there is no love

Only darkness in her brain

As she looks in the mirror

With tears falling down her face

That’s when she realizes

She’s looking for love in the wrong place

She now knows that truth

Even as simple as it may seem

The only person that needs to love her

Is the girl in the mirror she sees

She wipes away her tears

As she takes a deep breath

She looks back at her reflection

But this time with love says

“Today I do not hate who I am,”

I don’t know where I’m going

But I remember where I’ve been

I’ve got more scars mentally

Then I do on my skin

Ever since I’ve was a kid

Dark thoughts are all I’ve known

My mind has always been a labyrinth

Feeling like I could never find the way home

I’ve spent years consumed in darkness

Trying to find some light

But things are different now

I have a reason to fight

A reason to let go of who I was

And focus on who I can become

I won’t let my thoughts consume me

Because now I have a two-year-old son

And one day he will read about my struggles

With all the words I’ve never said

He will learn just how often

I wished myself dead

But when that time comes

I hope the one thing he see’s

That through all the darkness

Years are passing

And memories are fading

But one thing I remember

Is that night I spent with you

We stayed up all night talking

As we laid in a hammock

Cuddled up under the moon

Your smile shined so bright

Brighter than the stars

And your laugh was more beautiful

Then any radio song

If I could take it all back

In a heartbeat I would

I was foolish and dumb

And let my past ruin something good

I was in a dark place when we met

But I didn’t lie when I said I loved you

I needed time to grow up

And get away from the toxic traits I knew

Now years have passed

And I know it’s too late

But I’ll never forget the sound of your laugh

You left so suddenly brother

With no note or goodbye

I couldn’t comprehend it

I was blind to the warning signs

We were not the closest

Or nicest to say the least

But I realize now

We were more similar than we think

We shared more than just blood

But also a darkness no one else sees

Our minds were made different

The thoughts can be deadly

I understand now brother

Why you left so suddenly

And it’s not easy to admit this

Especially to our family

But if you hadn’t done what you did

There’s so much anger

I can taste it in my mouth

The adrenaline is really going now

I can feel it coursing through my veins

I look calm on the outside

But inside I’m going insane

I clenched my fists

And hit as hard as I can

Not just once or twice

But over and over again

When I finally stop

I wash the blood off my hands

I take a deep breath

Reminding myself this wasn’t the plan

I look in the mirror

I can’t focus

But I know what I see

Staring back is the darkness

Things were going so great

In fact, they were almost perfect

But you did what you do best

And you went and burned it

They say some bridges need to burn

So, we don’t cross back again

And that’s when it really hit me

We can’t go back to being friends

Ten years of memories aren’t enough

To excuse the damage we have done

Not just to ourselves

But now to our kids

Which is why it’s time to stop

This deadly dance we’re in

While it hurt to watch that bridge burn

Turn the music up to the max

Turn it up till the bass breaks glass

Get it so loud that you can scream

And no one hears a god damn thing

Bass so loud now you can’t hear

The deadly thoughts circling between your ears

Thoughts saying “You’re better off dead”

And now it feels like their screaming

“You’re worthless” and “You have no friends”

Worst part is those thoughts you hear

Is your own voice wanting you to disappear

Next track, volume up, wait for the bass to drop

Doing anything now to make the thoughts stop

You’re fist hits the wall

And you’re knuckles begin to bleed

That’s when you begin to realize

I’ve been told things could be worse

Atleast that’s what they say

I’ve seen people cling to the words

“I’m fine” and “I’m okay”

I’ve seen parents hold back their tears

As they comfort their child in pain

I’ve seen sisters break down

When their brother dies in vain

They say things could be worse

But do they get what they really say

That our pain doesn’t matter

Like it is insignificant in some way

It’s because of this we wear a mask

And pretend we’re okay

Before you tell someone things could be worse