Kara's thoughts

I did it.

I told Ariel how I felt about him and he of course turned me down.

And I'm crying.

But that was to be expected, wasn't it? I knew it would happen.

A divorce from him. Something to stop him from getting into my life again, preferably with a restraining order. I'm always scared he's going to find me again and remind me of our stupid thing.

Ariel to be kept safe. I know he's running from someone. I just want to make sure this guy doesn't find him again so that he won't live in fear anymore. Because I know what that's like.

A way for ATL to be happy. All of us. Because I know Alex has fought with Rian, with Grieco, with Jack and Ariel. Maybe I'm the only one he hasn't yet fought with. I just don't want this strain to be put among them all.

I try to live my life by quotes like these. To think positively is what I try to do. Everything that life bounces at me, I will look at it in a positive way. At least, I’ll try.

I’ll try to be kinder to people, more compassionate to those who can’t. Stronger to what life gives me. Trying to be the best person I can be. For there’s really no point to life if you can’t make it enjoyable for others. You can’t be given a life full of privileges and not share it with others. I’m an American girl who has a lot more freedoms than some others. So I have to count my blessings every day, and reach out to those that need it.

I have a job that means I get to hang with my best friends from high school. I might not be here forever, but it’s giving me privileges. I get to see the world and watch rock shows from the distance. So I need to decide to be kinder, more compassionate, stronger. Give back to the world from what it’s given me. I need to be the best person I am to make the most out of life.

Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe having feelings for someone I can't have means that John can't find out. It means that he can't come and fuck up a relationship again. I so desperately want him out of my life and out of my private files and all of that. But I can't push him away, no matter how hard I try. This has to be the millionth time I've told myself "I wish I hadn't got as drunk as I did that night". It's so stupid and I hate myself for it. I just hope I can find a way out at some point. I need it. 

This fest is something I'm so excited for. I'm going to be on a cruise with the people I love most, and get to hang around and relax in the sun at the same time. I don't even KNOW how I'm meant to sell merch on a cruise ship, but I'm sure fest has something planned. Even if I can't enjoy myself romance wise, I can enjoy my career. And that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to look on the positive side of life. That's what I do.

Love,