Words From Four AM

lets run from the darkness together shielding cigarettes from rain polaroids of daisy fields and the way your dress flailed as you screamed against the wind stealing kisses far from prying eyes dancing barefoot in summer showers shielding my eyes as you led me with no direction and sleeping under the stars when neither legs nor I could carry you further with only lips and a pack of Marlboro we could pass a day your voice as sultry as the breeze that carried our words and the scent of your perfume tattered pages of your favourite book you were never seen without the cracked leather spine barely holding it together blue eyes bloodshot from prohibited nature your hair blended with the straw we lay amongst separated only by a chain of daisies that adorned your brow and left your thumbnail a tint of green

If you asked me right now if I love you, I would have to say I'm not sure.

Could you tell me I at least meant more than the others? You told me I was the only one to share your bed, how easy it is to lie. Was I the only one who awoke to find you short of breath, face stained with tears and wrist stained with blood? Was I the only one to hold you close as the paramedics rushed in to find the empty pill bottle? Was I the only one to hold your hand in the hospital. Thrice. You said I was the only one who ever listened, paid attention, cared, loved you. Or was that too just a lie?

You are the one that makes yourself at home in my mind, the only one I do not try to rid. Every sunrise brings with it visions of being entwined within the fabric of your existence, being able to reach out and take hold of your hand and to call you mine.

I blossom only in a bottle of vodka,

Three simple words,

You were a close friend

You were a mistake

I walked you home

I was far too young