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that we would have worked something out

that you would’ve felt the same way as

and if God wasn’t listening; or didn’t want to listen

is nothing i’d ever felt before

and the disappointment of you not feeling the same way

who never felt the same way i did

the thoughts bouncing around every crevice in my mind

sometimes they’re coherent enough to understand

sometimes they’re nothing more than a thought

but regardless, they exist, they are a constant, they are always there, whether it’s something in the foreground of my thoughts or something slipped in the furthest hole in the back of my ground,

she is not in my life anymore

i do not understand why

what was so wrong about me

that feeling of a slow burning hope

that maybe one day you would’ve felt the same way i did

i only hope you feel the way i felt towards you about yourself

to understand yourself like i understood you

to accept yourself as i did you

all the things i hope for you are another addition to an ever growing list,

all i thought you’d say

all i thought you’d do

all i thought you’d be

are vastly different from all that was

all that you said

all that you did

to consider what is, and what could be, what’s worth more

an absolute everything, whatever that means to you

or

more than that of my friend who killed himself

is there something wrong with me?

what is it that’s so wrong.

what was so special about you

and i get that sharp pain, that back-of-the-throat feeling

what am i to do about it?

what am i to say?

not one of them know a thing about what i felt towards you.

that even for a moment

was i stupid for thinking you felt the same way?

was i stupid for feeling that way?

we’re you stupid for not feeling anything back?

maybe we were both stupid

why do i do the things that i do?

can it happen again?

can we find our way back?