words by sea

Words of farewell

Eulogy: A fathers poem for his daughter

I think of you each day 

how I miss your warmth 

In the dappled shade 

now sets the sun

Adieu crack house corner!

now your facade is ruined

three doors down the road

I won’t miss you!

or the pervasive reek of weed

drifting across the garden 

like dandelion seeds

from eight in the morning 

no more exciting screams in the dark

stoned stoners throwing stones 

“let me in” 

the ricochet of breaking window glass

there was only one left un-smashed

before the shutters went up 

goodbye you poor sad people

who pay the price for others addiction 

puffing paranoia and violence 

the neighbours rejoice 

it’s the kids I felt sorry for

no more desperate shouts 

“you ruined this area”

they’re now ruining somewhere new

so a middle aged man 

with a child’s bicycle can get a cheap fix 

for his sad suburban substance abuse

others suffer for your momentary bliss 

and all this lies behind

your middle-class “harmless” habits (addicts)

the first time by mistake

slightly ironic 

that it’s now too late 

but I said your name aloud 

and realised 

I missed saying it

How naturally it always forms on my tongue 

even by accident after so long 

to return to a moment

and stay there

that it would just continue 

you’d not get bored 

or even really notice time passing 

it’s pleasant you’re completely at peace

it doesn’t need to be with anyone

or anything special

sitting on a bed

the early warmth of spring sun

the sound of some sort electrical device

on the breeze

birds chirping

fingers tapping keys

a moment that’s just out of reach 

reminds you of a past 

to return to a feeling 

and let the dream you get up

Feeling them leave your body 

dressing and talking 

they could deal with everything

far far away the day to day 

any hurt and pain   

leaving you to be in quiet silence

nothing to worry about 

just warm comfortable ease

no waking to remembering 

nothing troubling 

they are away in reality 

while you sleep in perfect bliss

sublime drift

at last you can just rest 

if only the light wasn’t so bright 

by the entire audience 

turn honest feelings dishonest

hidden like a forgotten dream

where once you were closer

pull close the curtain

you become unknown

you’re just one in the crowd 

the actors have bowed 

collect your things

place your masks back on

smile a lie applause

the play is over

unseen

A blur of I love you 

holding held an embrace 

head falls to a shoulder 

close pulled even closer don’t let go 

you’re wanted caressed wanted

dressed or undressed breasts against chest  

fingers tenderly touch your face

As yours on mine circling through hair 

calming I capitulate sigh sob cry  

it’s a memory of feeling 

softly breathing comforting  

lost in a moment of heart beating slow 

through your happiness or your pain

To cuddle you for days

until my arms gone dead  

buried breathing in your neck 

pulling hair from my lips wet 

as we become two bodies indexed  

intimacy is this you tighten if I release 

cuddling is something I’m good at I think?

somethings you miss 

warm and close pressed 

looking in your eyes just looking, seeing 

what tenderness can do 

more than all the words I use  

a respite to suffering from pain and hurt 

even as tears stream and fall

it has the power to mend 

I’d keep holding you 

to the last moment to the very end. 

I can feel it pushing into the room 

the turbulent rain like nails on the window pain 

they want to come in

to take me with them 

the golden light of the lamp flickers 

i pull the duvet up higher

quietly darkly I listen 

How long is temporary? 

The sun moon and stars are temporary,

 the universe is probably temporary. 

Temporary can be a very long time. 

It can be a lifetime

into your arms 

blanket me in your darkness

and I will show you mine 

torture is exquisite 

from the right pair of hands 

bodies can be bent and broken

ache and understand 

for this is where our honesty meets

Collapsing into desire 

So sweet 

Is that what we do

Drown for me

I could see it but I couldn’t touch it

but I knew it was there