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steve: what is it

peter: it’s called pocket aces. basically a full casino. on your phone. I can’t sign up yet but you guys definitely can—

bucky: takes the phone

bucky: stares at it

bucky: this is incredible.

steve: wait you’re telling me people just… gamble. from their couch now.

peter: pretty much yeah—

steve: bucky. do you remember before we enlisted. having to scrape together enough change just to sit at one table for twenty minutes—

bucky: already downloading the app downloading it right now

steve: pulling out his own phone way ahead of you—

peter: watching both of them

peter: ohhh yeah…those are all places that I once saved and they’ve all vowed to give me a free slice every time I visit

tony: …and why do you visit them every day like clockwork?

peter: what news??

matt: someone filed a restraining order against you

peter: …against spider-man?

matt: yes.

peter: who?

matt: a mr. dmitri smerdyakov. also known as—

peter: THE CHAMELEON? he’s filing a RESTRAINING ORDER against ME!!??

matt: he claims you’ve disrupted his operations three times in one week—

peter: BECAUSE HE KEPT COMMITTING CRIMES-

matt: he also claims emotional distress—

peter: HE’S A VILLAIN!!!

matt: peter I hate to say it but from a legal standpoint…this is valid

peter: MATT!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!!??

matt: it means you have to stay 500 feet away from him no matter what

peter: what if he commits a crime??

matt: …then you call the police

tony: binarily augmented retro-framing

tony: ...B.A.R.F??

tony: hmmm I LIKE IT!!

pepper: tony you can't call it—

tony: it's already named pepper

pepper: it's a serious piece of technology from one of your best researchers—

tony: its named B.A.R.F final answer

meanwhile

beck: B.A.R.F? he named it B.A.R.F!!??

peter: uh — I can climb walls. and I have heightened senses. and super strength, kind of...

clint: "kind of"?

peter: like, proportionate to a spider's strength relative to size

clint: so... regular strength??

peter: no, MORE than regular—

steve: can you fly?

peter: no

steve: shoot energy blasts?

peter: no, but I have web-shooters—

clint: so you shoot...string??

peter: it's a high-tensile polymer, it's not just strin...I can also sense danger before it happens

clint, shrugs: okay, that's something

later. peter sitting alone on the balcony.

tony, walks out, sits next to him: you good kid?

peter: they think I'm...lame

tony: they don't think that

peter: clint said I "shoot string"

tony: clint also thinks recycling is a government conspiracy, don't take career advice from him

peter: *small laugh*

tony: look, kid — powers don't make you an avenger. I don't have any "real" powers either. I built a suit and decided to show up anyway

peter: that's different, you're a genius—

tony: and you're the only person on that team who's stopped a bus with his bare hands and still made it to chemistry class on time. that's not nothing

peter: ...wait a minute

tony: ...what??

peter: there's no buildings over there!

tony: what do you mean there's no buildings, it's Cancun, not the moon-

peter: I mean there's nothing to SWING on!! how am I supposed to get around!!!? how am I supposed to fight crime!!?? what if something happens and I'm just— standing there...on sand like a regular person—

tony: peter

peter: WHAT IF THERE'S A CRISIS TONY!!??

tony: dude slow down it's called a vacation for a reason

peter: but what if—

deadpool: boring stuff...financial planning, hedge funds....you wouldn't understand

peter: I'm pretty good with numbers actually—

deadpool, giggling: not these numbers. give me ten minutes!

peter sits in the lobby, waiting patiently

ten minutes later, alarms start blaring

deadpool comes sprinting out of the back, three duffel bags slung over his shoulders, cash spilling out

deadpool: RUNNNNN

peter, standing up, confused: WAIT— WHAT!!??

deadpool, tossing him a duffel bag: HOLD THIS

peter, catching the bag: WADE!! DID YOU- DID YOU JUST ROB THE BANK!!??

deadpool: NOO OF COURSE NOT!! WE DID!!!

clint: he was actively trying to kill you.

peter: he seemed like he was having a rough day—

steve: you also said "no worries" to a bank robber.

peter: he said sorry first—

tony: you're too soft, kid. it's concerning.

everyone bursts out laughing

clint: wheezing "no worries"—

natasha: can't breathe to a BANK ROBBER—

steve: trying to compose himself he just— he just said it back—

tony: crying laughing this kid's gonna apologize to thanos one day—

next day. peter walks in wearing a leather jacket, sunglasses, slicked back hair.

peter: trying to look tough what's up.

silence

peter, straightens up: okay??

steve: we think you need to take this more seriously...being an avenger means a lot more than just being a hero

natasha: you joke during briefings

clint: you've called three separate villains "bro" mid-fight

tony: you once asked thanos if he'd ever considered therapy!!

peter, nodding seriously: okay, I hear you. I can do better

steve: we're not trying to be harsh we just want you to grow into a more well rounded hero

peter: no, you're right I need to be more mature...I get it

steve: good. I'm glad we—

a fly buzzes past peter's head

peter: *thwip* *thwip* *thwip* *thwip*

steve: pete...what are yo-

peter: *thwip* *thwip* im trying to web this stupid fly!!! *thwip* *thwip*

the avengers:

tony: what about him??

steve: you're too lenient with the kid...he needs structure, discipline...more rules

tony: ...I guess you're right, he does get away with a bit too much

steve: I'm— wait, really?

tony: yeah. you're completely right. I'll be stricter.

steve, relieved: thank you

peter walks in

peter: hey mr stark can I skip the rest of patrol and go get food with ned

tony: sure, go nuts!!! actually, hit up that new burger place on 8th, fries are incredible!!

steve: -_-

peter: sweet, thanks!

peter leaves

steve: DUDE!!

tony: what???

tony checking tablet, unbothered: he's at the bodega on 5th. why?

steve: ...how do you know that??

tony: I microchipped him

steve: YOU WHAT!!??