Letters Ill Never Send

Youre 20 minutes away and I can’t sleep.

Life isn’t fair.

But then there’s their old favorite Cuban restaurant. The apartment he grew up in. The church they met. Little pieces of themselves still embedded in this metropolis.

And that’s how I think it’s going to be when I see you after a year has passed. Maybe it’ll be more. I’ll see the new hair and the different clothes and the new words and it’ll be like a catch in my heart because it’s a reminder of all the time we let pass between us. I’ll see the new roads and the overwhelming experiences that I wasn’t there for and I’ll never know.

But maybe, but maybe, I’ll find the laundromat on Franklin street of your smile. Maybe I’ll see the same mannerisms and you’ll smile that same smile that always got my heart going. I hope your laugh stays the same forever. That, that’s a blessing. I hope I’ll still see the me in you.

Because if there’s one thing I’m certain, it’s that I’ll always the carry the you in me. It’ll never change.

Time belongs in the reality of those who are destined to understand.

Time rips and seers and it heals and molds and it leaves. Above everything, time leaves you. It leaves you gasping with your head between your knees when you realize you’ll never be 19 again and in that apartment with those two amazing friends that smelt of candle wax and warm sheets. It leaves you crying tears of joy when you realize you’ll never be 17 again, left wondering why the universe decided to dance on your head and twirl your thoughts into angry demons.

Time leaves you to realize three minutes have passed and they haven’t answered you with words because their silence speaks louder than any string of syllables should ever sound, should ever shout.

I wonder if you can feel it. That I’m here. Because I can feel you. I can feel all of our hidden memories and missed opportunities with every bump in the road. I feel it in the air of the city. You’re here.

I’m here.