WONDER-TONIC

Fly through space and hear how far hit songs have travelled.

Just text “heyyyyy” to 551-333-7865 to get awesome things to buy texted to you at 2am.

Drunk Shopping.

A revolutionary new app that lets you call 911 while you record a Vine.

SXSW offers a number of mind-numbing, buzzword-heavy panels about the future of the internet. The panel proposed by Chris Baker and myself strives to be the worst ever. Please vote for it.

Download this Chrome extension to hear "You've Got Mail" every time you get a Gmail message. 14.4k modem not included.

StandrdOi.ly

yoonyun pacificster

genrl lectricly

westinghouseable

This very moment you can buy a copy of The McSweeney's Book of Politics and Musicals, which contains things written by people from The Onion, The Daily Show, and under-attended tumblrs.

Once you purchase it, you should turn immediately to the pieces I have written:

The Only Thing That Can Stop This Asteroid Is Your Liberal Arts Degree

Perhaps Now You Wish You Would Have Paid Closer Attention to Your Judicial Candidates for County Circuit Court!

Like The Omega Man, except everyone is in grad school instead of dead.

You step outside and find the streets deserted. You pull out your phone to see if some catastrophe has occurred. Disease? Neutron bomb? War? Are you left alone in an evacuation zone? You see Facebook is still abuzz with activity, but all of your friends are posting about how much they hate finals. “These people graduated college years ago…” you think. A scrap of paper blows down the street like a tumbleweed and lands on your leg. You look at it: an admissions letter from the NYU creative writing MFA program. Then it hits you. You are the last human left on earth. Everyone else has gone to graduate school.

Art Descriptions takes artists' statements about their work and presents them without any context. Now you can enjoy the over-involved description without any of that pesky art.