I’m not worthy of anything good happening to me I deserve less

I don’t think anything matters anymore

why am I like this

I think it’s over for me and it’s too late for change there’s nothing for me in the future and I’m stuck this way they say those things aren’t supposed to happen but I think I’m being punished for something I was doomed since conception

imma be like this for the rest of my life huh

expressing my emotions is manipulation and I must be quiet cuz the negative feelings is the dominant feeling. Feelings of uncertainty, afraid of everything, nervous. Asking for reassurance, explaining my emotions is manipulation

I feel like I never had a chance. Medical issues since birth, my outward personality drained from me for reasons. It’s all unrepairable I’m stuck this way there is no changing for me. why me

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to acclimate well with others I’ll never be good at being social I’m too nervous too agitated I’m too much

Misery is my nostalgia and I’m an old head from the 80s it is bad to be swimming in those thoughts but it is oddly comforting it is familiar and then it goes away like the feeling of hunger after the 6th hour but just like the ocean tides it will rise again, much higher than the last time

why me

I think that stuff back then permanently altered my brain chemistry for the worst