ad finem fidelis

This is the last time I will write to you. This is the last time I will sit down and think about us. This is my last letter to you- because you are no longer my story to tell, nor my letter to write. I know I have told you how much I loved you, but I think you deserve more than that- at least the person whom I fell in love with did. While I can no longer find or see that person inside of who you have become, I know he must exist somewhere, and this is for him: Thank you. You were the best thing in my life. The light at the end of every tunnel. The strength behind every stumble. My other half. I know this sounds cliche. I know we were too young to know any better- But you were my person. There is no doubt in my mind that what we had was the purest kind of love two people can have. Thank you for being my happiness. The day I left is one I think about often. I am sorry for leaving. I am sorry for giving up on us. Sometimes I wonder what it would’ve been like if I chose to stay. I wonder if I could’ve held us together. I wonder if I could’ve kept you the same person who I knew. I believe that I had the power to save you, and instead I broke us, and for that I am forever sorry. I do not blame you for moving on. Moving on is something that people do every single day, it is nobodies fault; it just happens. But what I do blame you for, is putting me through the worst pain I have ever felt. The kind of pain you could never possibly imagine until it happens to you. The kind of pain I would never wish upon anybody. I blame you for holding onto the smallest part of me when you should’ve let go. I blame you for all the nights I laid in bed with my phone chiming full of promises for the future while you were giving your heart to somebody else. I blame you for the tears. I blame you for taking away the best parts of me. I blame you for making me start over with nobody by my side. I blame you for the promises you didn’t keep. I blame you for giving me no option besides strength. Now, I can finally say that I am happy for you. It looks like you found your place, and your people. Unfortunately, I do no know you anymore. This is a person I who I have never met, and certainly not one who I dated. I went through hell trying to keep you in my life, but you didn’t want to stay, so this is my goodbye. This is my goodbye because I refuse to keep fighting for somebody who didn’t fight for me. I am so thankful I had you in my life when I did. You were my best friend, my future, my everything. I will always hold onto our memories, and the old you, but I have completely let go of the person who you have become. After being my brightest light, you turned into my biggest downfall, and my saddest story- but you made me strong, so thank you. Thank you for being the best thing I ever had, and thank you for being the worst mistake I ever made.

i think it’s brave i think it’s brave that you get up in the morning even if your soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest i think it’s brave that you keep on living even if you don’t know how to anymore i think it’s brave that you push away the waves rolling in every day and you decide to fight i know there are days when you feel like giving up but i think it’s brave that you never do

“ I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird. And Janie. And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me.but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday. ”

decenter men from your existence

1. He isn’t worth it. The boy with eyes like diamonds, big and bright and beautiful, a poignant reminder that you don’t always get what you want. A poignant reminder that your self worth isn’t defined by who wants you. He isn’t worth it. 2. Let him fuck your friends. Let him fuck the girl with hair down to her waist. Let him choose her, touch her, buy her records, text her in the middle of the night when you are sleeping. In the grand scheme of things, you can stop the action, but you can’t stop the desire. If he wants to fuck somebody else, he doesn’t want you. Not all of you, at least. 3. You can’t pick and choose the parts of someone that you want. You have to find someone who embodies your desires, your dreams, who inspires you, challenges you, makes you want to be a better person every day. You have to ask yourself: Does he care about your feelings? Is he going somewhere in life? Does he have passion? When your friends ask you why you like him, can you even tell them why? There should always be a why. Always. 4. Choose someone who chooses you. Every time. No matter what. Find someone who, even in another world, would find you and choose you. Find somebody honest with their emotions and intentions. The most popular guy in school that you’re crushing on now who doesn’t even give you the time of day? Fuck him. He’s not worth it if he always brings you pain. 5. Popularity doesn’t matter past age eighteen. At twenty six, the nerd will become the next CEO of a company and when the most popular girl in high school applies for a third-tier position within it, she won’t even be considered because she doesn’t meet the grade point average. One day, you will know greater rejection than being turned down by a man who doesn’t understand you. 6. One day, you will have to join the real world and fend for yourself. Find someone who will face it with you, who will encourage you, who will never leave you in the cold. Find someone who will make your life easier, not harder. If you are struggling to be with someone, give up.