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Warnings: smut (minors DNI), teasing, alcohol mention, forbbiden relationship, workplace relationship, power imbalance, softdom!Chan, sub!reader, oral (female receiving), oral (male receiving), fingering, dirty talk, pet names (baby), unprotected sex, light choking, hair pulling, praise!kink, sex toys, creampie, angst with hopeful ending, secret relationship potential, light spanking, "we're just talking" (they are NOT just talking), Chan has good aim (in more ways than one), morning-after round two (well, technically middle-of-the-night).
Summary: A blackout during a staff laser tag game was never supposed to matter. It shouldโve been harmlessโjust banter, just competition. But one kiss in the dark with Chan tears down months of careful restraint, and suddenly thereโs no going back. What starts as adrenaline and sharp words spirals into confessions, risks too big to ignore, and the kind of heat that makes pretending impossible.
Writer's note: This was a wild ride and definitely longer than I planned. I thought the idea was simple, but apparently my characters refuse to be. Anyway, enjoy!
Itโs so dark I can barely see my own feet, let alone more than a step ahead. Brilliant idea, really. Team building, my ass.
I edge forward, arms out, searching for walls like some half-blind explorer. My fingers graze empty air untilโ
A sharp yelp cuts through the silence, followed by a ripple of giggles from somewhere in the cavernous maze. The sound jolts me, a small, involuntary jump of my bodyโand just like that, my palm collides with solid wall. Cold. Smooth. Unyielding.
I press my hand flat against it and start moving, slow and deliberate, letting the texture guide me. If thereโs an opening, Iโll feel it before I see it. My other hand hovers forward, ready to keep my face from meeting an unseen wall at full speed.
How unlucky do you have to be for the power to completely give out in the middle of a laser tag game?
The speakers had crackled to life earlier, a calm voice promising the issue would be fixed โas soon as possibleโ and instructing everyone to stay put. Sure. Easy advice when youโre not stuck marinating in your own nerves. Darkness has never been my thing.
Footsteps shuffle nearby. I freeze, leaning into the wall until the chill seeps through my clothes. More giggling, closer this time.
How is everyone else so relaxed? And where the hell is my team?
Bastards bolted the second the start buzzer went off.
โDonโt move.โ
The voice is closeโlow enough to be private, steady enough to make me obey. My heart stutters, thudding harder against my ribs, and for a moment panic locks every muscle in place.
Breathe. Itโs just the game. Just another JYPE employee.
Clothes rustle behind me. I think about turning, but something about the timbre keeps me still. Familiar. Too familiar.
โYouโd already be out if the lights were on.โ
His voice. Amused, but threaded with quiet certainty. Warm breath brushes the shell of my left ear.
โYou wouldnโt have been able to get this close if the lights were on,โ I answer before I can stop myself.
The chuckle that follows is low, soft, and far too close. Thank God for the darkness; it hides the heat crawling up my neckโฆ and pooling far lower.
โYou sure about that? I have good aim.โ The amusement lingers, then melts into a darker note that curls my toes. โWhen I find a target, I never miss.โ
โGreat catchphrase. You should stick it in a song.โ
โI might.โ His lips graze the shell of my ear.
The contactโbarely there, but electricโ sends a shiver racing down my spine.
Iโm suddenly aware of everything: the hard planes of his body behind mine, the faint give of his breath against my hair If I leaned back just an inch, the back of my head would find his shoulder. If I shifted half a step closer, Iโd sink fully into the warmth of his chest.
Iโm tired of resisting, no matter how wise itโs been. The tension between us has been a slow burn for monthsโstolen glances, loaded smilesโand in the dark it swells into something heavier, thicker. Alive.
What if I just let go? Just once. Would it really ruin everything?
You could get fired.
Some stubborn corner of my brain still clings to reason, knuckles white around the thought.
Then his hand settles on my hipโsteady, deliberate, almost a questionโand the fight drains right out of me. I lean back without meaning to, and he takes it as an answer, drawing me in until my body fits against his. The air leaves me in a sharp exhale, every rational thread snapping clean.
โFuck,โ I breathe, barely audible.
โWhatโs wrong?โ His nose skims the tender skin beneath my ear, voice pitched low. โForgot how to speak?โ
โYouโre playing with fire, Chan.โ My voice comes out thinner than Iโd like.
โWhat if I want the burn?โ His grip firms, heat bleeding through my clothes.
โYou wouldnโt be the one left in the fire,โ I manage. โI would.โ
I step forward, breaking his hold, and the absence hits immediatelyโcold where his palm had been.
โWait.โ Thereโs a note in his voice Iโve never heard before.
I turn. Itโs still too dark to see him clearly, but enough to catch the furrow in his brow, the sharp cut of his jaw, the shadowed slope of his nose. Even blurred by darkness, heโs distractingly beautiful.
My eyes betray me, dropping to his mouthโfull, deliberate curves that pull every stray thought into places it shouldnโt go. I can almost feel the press of them against mine, the slow trail theyโd leave over my skin, lower, untilโ
โDonโt look at me like that,โ he says, closing the gap between us.
My gaze flicks up, instinctive. โLike what?โ
โLike youโre replaying every filthy thought in your head.โ His fingers find my hip again, tentative this time, sliding upward when I donโt move away. His palm rests against my waist, warm, grounding. โDonโt push me off and make me feel guilty for wanting you if youโre going to fuck me with your eyes two seconds later.โ The last words rumble out, low and unfiltered.
I gasp. Heโs never been this forwardโnot outside the teasing rhythm weโve kept for months. This was supposed to be safe. A game we could pretend wasnโt serious.
I part my lips to deny itโ
โDonโt.โ His voice drops to something dangerous, dizzying.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I lift a hand to his cheek. His lashes lower instantly, the faint tremor in his body betraying how hard heโs holding still.
โYou know I want you,โ I murmur, my mouth hovering just shy of his. โBut the stakes are too high. I canโt risk it.โ
His eyes open, catching mine. โIโll protect you.โ
The smile that pulls at my mouth feels too heavy to carry. โYou canโt, Channie.โ
โTry me.โ His tone is all grit and promise. โNo one has to know.โ
โYour legal team would love that,โ I mutter, the laugh in my throat flat.
โI trust you.โ Not a flicker of doubt in his voice.
โYou shouldnโt.โ My thumb brushes over the sharp line of his cheekbone.
โI know.โ He swallows. โIโve been taught not to trust anyone. Iโve lived like that for years. And stillโฆ I trust you.โ
My hand stills. โThatโs a hell of a weight to put on me.โ
โI know. And Iโm sorry.โ
โYouโre telling me if I asked you to pin me to this wall, you would?โ
โWithout a second thought.โ The smirk is quick, sharp.
โFuck.โ I shake my head. โYouโre insane.โ
โMaybe.โ
โI donโt know how much longer I can keep resisting.โ
โThen donโt.โ His mouth ghosts over mine, not quite touching, just close enough to brand the shape of it into my skin.
โFuck it.โ My hand slips from his cheek to the back of his neck, and I pull him in.
His lips are softer than I imaginedโtooย soft, eager in a way that unravels me. A groan vibrates against my mouth as he opens for me, and I donโt hesitate. I slide my tongue against his, andย God, itโs a mistake. This kiss is messy, desperate, the kind that rewires your nervous system. He matches me stroke for stroke, his tongue greedy, like heโs been starving for the taste of me.
The hand at my waist yanks me closer, spinning us until my back hits the wall. The laser tag gun digs into my ribs, but I barely feel itโnot when heโs devouring me like Iโm the last sip of water in a drought. My teeth catch his lower lip, just like Iโd fantasizedโtoo many times to admitโ, and when I drag my tongue over the swell, he shudders.
This kiss will ruin me.
His mouth tastes like heartbreakโlike the inevitable end weโre racing toward, and the terrifying certainty that nothing will ever compare. Heat licks up my spine, pooling low in my stomach as his tongue glides against mine, slow and deliberate. Torturous. A whimper escapes me, raw and unbidden.
The spell shatters in a blaze of lightโfluorescent, merciless, cutting straight through us. Chan jerks back, chest heaving, his head whipping side to side like a cornered animal. But I canโt look away.
Heโsย wrecked. Hair tousled from my fingers, lips swollen and glistening.ย Fuck. Heโs never looked more dangerous.
When his gaze lands on me again, the hunger in his eyes is barely leashed. I wonder what he seesโif my cheeks are as flushed as his, if my mouth looks as thoroughly kissed. If the truth is as obvious as the hammering of my pulse.
The lights dim again, our vests flickering to life. A voice crackles over the speakers, but the words dissolve into static. All I hear is the ragged sound of our breathing.
Chan grinsโthat devastating, dimpled smileโand before I can react, he lifts his gun and fires. My vest dies with aย beep, the barrel still warm from his grip.
It takes three seconds for my brain to reboot. Three more for my gun to reactivate. Then Iโm off, weaving through neon-lit corridors, shooting rivals on reflex. My mind isnโt on the game. Itโs on the press of his body, the way his teeth scraped my lip like he wanted to brand me.
A shot rings out. My vest darkens again. I spinโFelix. His blond hair peeks from behind a column, his smirk visible even in the gloom. Of course the gamer would have sniper precision.
Iโm about to bolt when a softย โoh shitโย freezes me. Thea steps into view, her vest glowing victorious, gun trained on Felix. She doesnโt lower itโnot even when he fleesโjust turns to me with a grin sharp enough to cut glass.
โThere you are,โ she says, like weโre sharing a secret. โIโve been hunting you.โ
โIโm stealthy.โ My voice doesnโt shake. A miracle.
โWeโre on theย same team.โ She rolls her eyes, but her smile lingers.
My vest reignites.
โPartners?โ She jerks her chin toward a raised platformโa sniperโs nest with a clear line of fire. โCover me, Iโll cover you.โ
โDeal.โ
We move in sync, her whispered warnings like a second heartbeat. Down below, Chan darts past, a shadow in the strobe lights. My stomach knots.
Payback.
Thea elbows me. โYou okay?โ
โMm.โ Lie.
โYouโre staring.โ
Think fast.ย โAt that.โ I nod to the platform, its ramped entrance half-hidden by elastic grilles. Perfect for ambushes.
Her eyes gleam. โGenius.โ Her fist bumps mine, and for a moment, the ghost of Chanโs touch fades.
We scramble up, knees scraping hard floor. From here, the maze unfolds like a neon-lit battlefield. Thea crouches beside me, her breath warm on my shoulder.
โWatch my back?โ she murmurs.
I adjust my grip on the gun. โAlways.โ
The air hums with the electric buzz of laser tag guns powering down as we pick off two stragglers from the opposing team. The second their vests blink out, we drop into a crouch, shoulders pressed together, muffling laughter behind our palms. The scent of synthetic fog and sweat clings to the darkened arena, our breaths shallow to avoid giving away our position.
I rise just in time to see Chanโof course itโs Chanโsprinting like a predator after one of my teammates.
Oh, this is gonna be good.
I lift my gun, but Iโm a heartbeat too late. His shot lands first, my teammateโs vest dying with a defeatedย bzzt. Then, like karmaโs punchline, Chanโs own lights flicker out seconds later. He freezes, head swiveling, confusion knitting his brows until his gaze lands on the raised platform. Onย me.
Even in the dim glow of the arena lights, his smirk is infuriatingly clear. He tongues the inside of his cheek, lips quirking, before biting down on the lower oneโalways biting that damn lipโand points at me. Then, slow and deliberate, he jerks his chin toward the floor.ย Come down here.
I cock my gun instead, arching a brow.ย Make me.
His laugh is a low, warm thing that curls around my ribs despite the distance. Then heโs gone, vanishing into the maze like a shadow.
I drop back down, pulse thrumming. โWe might need to move. Like,ย now.โ
Thea whips her head toward me, eyes wide. โWhat?โ
โChan spotted me,โ I admit, though guilt is buried under the thrill still buzzing in my veins.
She scowls, peering around the barrier. โCanโt we just shoot him if he comes up?โ
โTwo access points.โ I nod to the narrow ramp. โIf he brings backup, weโre cooked.โ
โFuck,โ she exhales, but sheโs already shifting, tension coiling in her shoulders. โFine. But stick close. Weโre a good team.โ
I nod, sliding toward the exit.
โWas getting boring anyway,โ she mutters, adjusting her grip on her gun. โHidingโs more fun when theyโreย chasingย you.โ
No argument there.
We slink down the ramp, senses sharp, the smooth floor muffling our steps. A blur of movement darts pastโsomeone oblivious, thank godโand we bolt through the labyrinth, rounding corners like ghosts. Shots fire, vests die, and the adrenaline is a live wire under my skin.
Then the buzzer shrieks, the lights flare, and Iโm blinking against the sudden glare, wiping sweat from my brow with the back of my hand. The scoreboard flickers to life: Chan at the top, Felix a hair behind, my name clinging to third.
Chan saunters over, all loose-limbed arrogance, and my spine stiffens. He doesnโt stop, just slows enough to lean in, his breath hot against my ear:
โTold youโwhen I find a target, Iย neverย miss.โ
The words slither down my neck, sparking equal parts fury andย that thingย I refuse to name.
Game on, Chris.
The buzzer sounds again, the lights dim, and my vest hums back to life. This time, the tension in my chest isnโt panicโitโs something sharper, hotter, honed entirely onย him.
I spot him through a gap in the barriers, oblivious, scanning the arena. My heart hammers as I raise my gun.ย Click.ย His vest dies.
He whirls, locks onto me. I grin, fingers forming a mock pistol.ย Bang.
His answering smile is all dimples and danger. Then heโs gone, a flash of black fabric and long limbs.
Iโm still grinning when movement flickers behind me. Too late.ย Bzzt.ย My vest darkens.
โShit,โ I hiss, spinning to find him already retreating, that smirk etched into his face.
Payback, he mouths, eyes gleaming even in the gloom.
My vest reactivates. I exhale, launch forwardโ
โand nearly collide with Lee Know. My reflexes fire before my brain catches up. His vest dies. He freezes, gaze lifting like Iโve just kicked his cat.
โSorry! Mianeeee!โ I squeak, already sprinting away like like my life depends on it. Which, with Lee Know, it might.
I duck behind a wall, pulse thrumming, and catch a flash of movementโblack hair, broad shoulders, the familiar prowl of someone who knows heโs the best.ย Chan.
I follow, silent, sticking to the shadows. He rounds a corner, and I pivot wide, boots skidding on the slick floor as I cut through a shortcutโonly to find empty air.
Gone.
โDamn itโฆโ I mutter, scanning the maze.
No time to linger. I dart down a side corridor, weaving past barriers, my breath ragged in my ears. One turn. Another. Thenโ
Impact.
I barely register the solid warmth of him before weโre stumbling, his grip reflexively catching my elbow as my gun jabs his ribs. His vestย bzzts under my barrel before he can even raise his.
โTold you,โ I pant, breathless, triumphant.
His grin is pure chaos, but Iโm already slipping free, laughter trailing behind me like a challenge.
Felix ambushes me seconds later.ย Bzzt.
โFelix!โ
โNo friends in laser tag!โ he sing-songs, darting away.
I keep running, breath ragged, sweat slicking my skin, until I nearly bowl over Han. His gun wavers, eyes wide with panic.
โDonโt kill me!โ he blurts.
I just flash my dead vest. โCanโt.โ
โOh,ย thank fuck,โ he breathes.
The final buzzer wails. We stagger to the scoreboard, lungs burning. Felix reigns supreme, but my name sits snug above Chanโs.
The adrenaline is still singing in my blood when I brush past him, chin high.
โTold you even the best miss sometimes.โ
His gaze snaps to mineโandย oh. Itโs not just amusement anymore. Itโs dark, simmering,ย hungry.
My breath stutters.ย Fuck.
That look drags it all back: the press of his body in the dark, his hands rough on my waist, the way heโd whispered my name like a secret.
I force myself to step back, to look away before I combust.
But the damage is done. The bravado crumbles, leaving me raw, shaky, andย ruined.
โโโโโโโ โก โโโโโโโ
The restaurant thrums like a second heartbeatโlaughter ricocheting off the walls, soju bottles glinting half-empty under the neon lights, the sizzle of meat on the grill filling the air with smoke and salt.
I keep my eyes fixed on the flames, tongs hovering uselessly over the pork belly.ย Donโt look. Donโt you dare look.
Across the table, Chan throws his head back at something Seungmin says, his laugh bright and easy. For a heartbeat, itโs familiar.ย Normal.
Then his gaze flicks to mine.
I jerk my attention back to the grill, but itโs too lateโmy chest tightens like a coiled spring.ย What the fuck was I thinking?
The flirting had been harmless. The competitive banter during laser tag, the way his eyes crinkled when he teased me, the electric thrill when our shoulders brushed in the dark arena. But the kissโthat sudden, searing kiss when the lights cut out between roundsโhis body pressing me into the wall, his tongue tracing my lower lip before the buzzer tore us apartโ
Fuck. Stop. Donโt go there.
I drain my beer, the bitterness pooling in my gut. This canโt happen again. I'm a backup dancer. He's an idol. One rumor, one careless moment, and my career evaporates.
โBathroom,โ I mutter, pushing back from the table before anyone can ask why Iโve barely spoken all night.
The bathroom light hums too bright, too sterile against the warmth of the party still buzzing beyond the door. I press my palms to the cold porcelain sink, letting the water run until it bites my skin. The droplets cling to my wrists, my neckโtiny anchors dragging me back to reality.
The mirror doesnโt lie. My cheeks are flushed, lips parted like theyโre still chasing the ghost of something reckless. But the eyes staring back? Wide. Trembling.
Terrified.
The door creaks. A woman brushes past me, heels clicking, perfume sharp as citrus. I jerk into motion, snatching paper towels to blot my skin dry. The rough texture grounds meโuntil the corridor air hits my face, thick with bass and laughter, and my lungs tighten all over again.
Breathe. Just breathe.
โHey.โ
The voice curls around me like smokeโlow, familiar.ย Chan.
I turn. Heโs closer than I expected, close enough that the dim light catches the worry etched between his brows. His fingers twitch at his sides, restless.
โYou okay?โ he asks.
The question hangs there, soft as a bruise.
I stiffen. โAre youย followingย me?โ
โNoโI justโโ He exhales, rough. โYou were gone a while.โ
โSo youย areย following me.โ My arms fold tight over my chest, a flimsy barricade.
His jaw ticks. โI was worried. Youโve been avoiding me all night.โ
โThatโs not true.โย Lie.ย The way his gaze narrows tells me he knows it.
Silence hangs between us, heavy. Then his voice drops, quieter.
The words slither under my ribs.ย Talk.ย As if we could stitch this mess into something coherent with words.
โThereโs nothing to talk about, Chan.โ I sidestep him, but he movesโjust enough to block my path. His sleeve brushes my arm, and the contact sparks like a live wire.
โPlease.โ
Itโs barely a whisper. Raw. It undoes me.
I glance up. His eyes are darker like this, shadows pooling under his lashes. Thereโs something thereโsomething that makes my resolve crack, just a fraction.
โFine,โ I mutter. โBut not here.โ
โโโโโโโ โก โโโโโโโ
The alley swallows us whole, the distant thump of music muffled by brick and darkness. The air smells like rain and old cigarettes, the kind of quiet that presses against your skin.
I fiddle with my bracelet, the metal links cold under my fingertips.ย Donโt look at him.ย If I do, Iโll forget every reason this is a bad idea.
Chan leans against the wall, arms crossed. โYouโve been weird since the game.โ
I huff. โIโm standing in an alley at midnight. โWeirdโ is baseline.โ
โYou know what I mean.โ
The accusation stings. I bite my lip, the truth clawing up my throat. โIโmย tryingย to be normal, Chan. Sorry Iโm not great at brushing offโโ
I clamp my mouth shut. Too late.
He pushes off the wall, closing the distance between us. โThe kissย youย started?โ
My pulse stutters. โCan you not say thatย out loud?โ
โWhy?โ His voice drops, rough at the edges. โBecause it meant something?โ
I scoff. โBecause I like myย job.โ
A pause. Then, flatly, he says, โRight.โ
Something in his tone twists my stomach. I finally meet his gaze. โDonโt do that.โ
โDoย what?โ
โAct like Iโm making excuses. Like you didnโt feel it too.โ
โOh, Iย feltย it,โ he says, jaw tight. โAnd so did youโuntil you decided it wasnโt worth the risk.โ
โItโs not aboutย worth.โ My arms tighten around myself. โItโs about not throwing everything away over a one-night stand.โ
His breath hitches. The words land like a punch.
โIโm not trying to be cruel,โ I add quickly. โBut if this is just physical, itโs too dangerous.โ
His expression flickersโhurt, then something hotter. โYou think Iโd risk your job for aย quick fuck?โ
I flinch. โI didnโt say that.โ
โYou didnโt have to.โ
He drags a hand through his hair, tension coiling in his shoulders. โShit.โ
I step back, my pulse a frantic drumbeat. โWe canโt do thisย here.โ
His eyes lock onto mine, steady. โThen letโs go somewhere we can.โ
The offer hangs between us, thick with possibility. Nowhere is safeโnot from prying eyes, not from what this could unravel.
โWhere?โ I whisper. โItโs not like you can just walk into a bar.โ
He laughs, dry and humorless. โYeah. Not a lot of subtle options.โ
Silence stretches, taut.
Tentatively, he offers, โI could text I.N to clear out for a few hours.โ
I shake my head before he finishes. โToo risky. What if someone sees me?โ
He nods, slow. โYeah.โ
Another pause. The streetlamp flickers overhead, casting his face in gold and shadow.
โMy place is ten minutes away,โ I say finally. โItโs quiet. No one wouldโโ
Our eyes meet.
The air shifts, charged. My stomach swoops.
โโJust to talk,โ I blurt, too fast, too desperate. โI meantโjust to talk.โ
His lips quirk, not quite a smile. โJust talk,โ he echoes, soft. Like a promise.
I hug myself tighter. โWeย canโtโโ
โI know.โ
A breath. The alley is still, but the moment hums between us, fragile.
โIโll go first,โ I say. โCall it an early night. Iโll text you the address. Wait ten minutes before you leave.โ
He nods. โOkay.โ
As I turn to slip back inside, I feel itโhis gaze, heavy as a touch, pulling me until the door clicks shut between us.
โโโโโโโ โก โโโโโโโ
I almost showered.
Keys hit the table with a dull clink, my gaze locked on the bathroom door like it might blink first. I stood there for a full minute, weighing the thought of hot water against the idea of being naked, vulnerable, alone โ even for ten minutes โ and my chest tightened. The spiral came fast.
So instead, I dragged on an old soft t-shirt and sweatpants, the kind that remembered my shape, grabbed a glass of water, and started pacing. Somewhere between the third and fourth lap, I wrapped myself in my Baby Yoda blanket like it was tactical gear. Now Iโm holding it tight, as if fleece could keep me from doing something catastrophically stupid.
What was I thinking?
Inviting him here. Alone. Into this space thatโs just me โ my too-small apartment with its painfully obvious bed, a couch thatโs two cushions wide, and a kitchen counter thatโs seen better days. Thereโs no safe distance. Not after the way I kissed him. Not after the way he kissed me back.
Maybe he wonโt come. Maybe thatโs good.
But if he doesnโtโ
The bell rings.
My stomach drops, flips, twists into something unholy.
Heโs here.
I shuffle to the door and crack it open. Hood up. Mouth set. Eyes dark โ until they land on me. Then they soften, like Iโm something familiar after a long day.
โHey,โ he says, voice low. Careful.
โHi.โ
His gaze flickers over me. โYou changed.โ
I blink. โYou thought Iโd open the door in sweat-soaked laser tag jeans?โ
A twitch at the corner of his mouth. His eyes catch on the Baby Yoda ears at my shoulder. โDidnโt expect that, either.โ
I clutch the blanket tighter. โItโs for safety.โ
โSafety?โ
โIf Iโm not sexy, thereโs no danger.โ
Chanโs chuckle is warm and quick, sliding under my skin. โYeah, thatโs not gonna work.โ
My eyes snap to his. โExcuse me?โ
โYouโre cute. Thatโs worse.โ
โI hate you.โ
โYou really donโt.โ
Thereโs no winning that one, so I retreat to the kitchen, pulling two glasses from the cupboard like itโs urgent. I fill them both, focusing on the sound of water hitting glass instead of the fact that heโs watching me.
I hand him one without looking. His fingers brush mine in the exchange, a soft โthanksโ following in its wake. For a beat, we stand there, holding water like itโs some fragile truce. The space between us feels full โ with everything weโre not saying.
โSo,โ I say, too brightly. โWeโre talking. Thatโs what weโre doing.โ
โRight.โ His nod is slow, but I feel his eyes on me. โJust talking.โ
I glance at him. The blanket shifts with the movement. His mouth curves, just a little.
โDonโtโโ I warn. โDonโt smile like that.โ
โLike what?โ
โLike youโre enjoying the fact that Iโm wrapped in Baby Yoda and halfway to a panic attack.โ
โAm I wrong?โ
I bury my face in fleece, groaning. โExactly why I shouldโve said no.โ
โBut you didnโt.โ His voice softens, steadier now. โAnd Iโm glad.โ
That sincerity, quiet and unflinching, nearly undoes me.
โSit,โ I say, nodding toward the couch. โI promise not to throw you out. Yet.โ
โFair enough.โ
He waits for me to sit first, and when I tuck my feet under me, he takes the far end, leaving a deliberate buffer between us. Safe โ for now.
His glass lands on the coffee table with a soft click. Elbows rest on knees. His gaze locks on mine like heโs already committed to this. Like it matters.
Like I matter.
โOkay,โ he says, voice steady but searching. โLetโs talk.โ
I shift, still cocooned in my blanket. He doesnโt look away. Doesnโt rush. Just waits.
โOkay,โ I manage, my voice thin around the edges. โYou want to talk. What do you want to say?โ
He leans back, exhales slow. โI want to know why youโre pushing me away. Really pushing me. After everything.โ
A laugh slips out, dry and sharp. โAfter everything? You mean after one stupid kiss?โ
Something flashes in his eyes, cracking the calm. His voice drops, low and edged. โStop lying to me.โ He leans in, just enough that the air between us shifts. โI felt the way you kissed me โ greedy, desperate. The way your breath caught when I pinned you to the wall. You canโt fake that. And it sure as hell wasnโt stupid.โ
My throat tightens, caught off guard. The words hang there, weighted and undeniable, and my walls falter under the strain.
Then, like heโs forcing himself to release the tension, his gaze softens. His voice lowers to something quieter, almost careful. โYou donโt have to keep your guard up. I meant it โ just talking. Iโll stick to that.โ
The space between us changes. Less like a standoff, more like an opening.
I study him, heart pounding. He means it. Heโs not pushing, not demanding. Just talking, he said.
Maybe thatโs what scares me most.
My mouth opens, then closes again. My fingers knot in the Baby Yoda blanket as if it might hold my answers for me.
He waits. Silent. Steady. And somehow that disarms me more than anything else could.
โIโฆโ My voice stumbles. I breathe out, try again. โI feel it too.โ
His brows liftโjust barely, like he hadnโt expected me to admit it.
โIโve been fighting it for so long I forgot what itโs like to stop.โ My voice cracks, and I look away โ anywhere but him. โI want you. I do. But itโs not just about that. Itโs not just one night. And thatโs why Iโm scaredโbecause if it were only that, maybe I could live with it.โ
The silence presses at my back, urging me forward.
โWe could fuckโof course we couldโand no one would know. Not tonight. Weโre alone, and Iโm alreadyโโ I cut myself off, shaking my head. โBut one time wouldnโt be enough. And you know it.โ
The last words come out trembling. I hate it. But I force the rest through.
โIโve worked too hard to get here. To be good at what I do. To be taken seriously. And in this industryโโ I gesture weakly, โif anyone found out, I wouldnโt just lose my job. Iโd be done. Blacklisted. No one would hire me again.โ
My chest tightens. I drag in a breath, shaky. โIโd lose everything. My career. My name. All of it.โ
Panic swells, curling up around my ribs. I clutch the blanket tighter before daring to meet his eyes, bracing for pity or frustration.
But all I find is his steady gaze.
Heโs quiet for so long I think maybe Iโve scared him off.
Thenโ
โIโm sorry.โ
Itโs soft, stripped of defense, weighted with guilt.
โI didnโt mean to make this harder for you,โ he says, eyes darker now. โI didnโt mean toโโ His jaw works before he rakes a hand through his hair. โThe flirting, the tension. I know I started a lot of it. I justโฆ I didnโt think it would matter. I didnโt think youโdโโ His voice falters. โI didnโt think Iโd feel this way.โ
I donโt trust my voice, so I say nothing.
โIf you need me to keep my distance, I will,โ he continues quietly. โEven if every instinct in me says not to. Even if it fucking kills me.โ A humorless huff slips out. โIโll do it for you.โ
Heโs staring at his knees now, like looking at me would undo the promise.
โYouโreโฆ God, youโre incredible,โ he says, voice thickening. โYouโve carved out your place here with nothing but grit, talent, and kindness. The way you make people feel seen. The way the guys trust you. I watched you turn the Japanese tour disaster into a win, like it was nothing.โ
His head shakes slowly, still in disbelief. โI admire you. Not just for what you do, but for who you are.โ
Something inside me twists.
โAnd itโs not a one-time thing for me, either,โ he adds, quieter. โIt never was. I donโt want just one night with you.โ
Thatโs what breaks me open.
I look at him properly โ the tired set of his shoulders, the emotion gathering on his lashes, the way he folds inward like heโs trying to take up less space. Fierce, but breakable.
He hides more than Iโll ever know, but tonight Iโve seen enough to want him even more.
My voice barely carries. โSo what do we do?โ
He lifts his head slowly, his gaze warm, reverent. โThatโs up to you.โ
The ache in my chest is almost unbearable.
โIf you say yes,โ he murmurs, โIโll do everything I can to protect you. Not just because I want youโโ his jaw tensesโโbut because Iโm done letting other people tell me who I can care about.โ
He leans forward slightly, still leaving space between us. โI canโt promise itโll be without risk. But Iโd try. Every day. Because if youโre involved, itโs no longer just about me.โ
I swallow against the dryness in my throat.
โBut I wonโt force that on you,โ he says. โNot if it costs you everything youโve worked for.โ
The quiet stretches.
โThatโs not fair,โ I whisper.
His nod is slow. โI know.โ
โItโs a massive burden.โ
โI know,โ softer this time. โBut itโs not my choice to make.โ
Heat creeps up my chest, my neck, my fingers gripping the blanket.
Then his eyes darken, just a fraction.
โAnd donโt get me wrong,โ his voice dips, rough and sure, โif it were up to me, youโd already be naked on this couch moaning my name.โ
My breath catches, a sharp pull in my chest. Heat coils low in my stomach.
He doesnโt move. Doesnโt press.
But the air shifts again โ thick, electric, thrumming with all the things weโve been holding back.
I donโt think. The words are out before I can stop them.
โIโve imagined it.โ
The effect is instant.
His body goes rigid, breath stalling. He looks at me like I just broke something inside him โ something fragile, barely holding back a flood.
โYouโveโโ The word comes out like a question.
I nod, small, deliberate. โToo many times.โ
A groan tears from his chest, raw, as his hand drags down his face like heโs physically keeping himself in place. โDonโt say that,โ he mutters, jaw locked. โDonโt do that to me if youโre not gonnaโโ
โI mean it,โ I cut in, steadier now. โI mean it.โ
His blink is slow, chest rising fast. โI know,โ he breathes. โThatโs what makes it worse.โ
And then the pause hits โ heavy.
Because this isnโt just crossing a line; itโs erasing it. One wrong step and I lose everything Iโve built. My work. My name. The thin respect I fought to earn. In this business, thereโs no such thing as harmless rumors. One slip, and Iโm not just unemployed โ Iโm finished.
The weight settles like fogโฆ but it doesnโt smother me. Not this time.
Because even knowing all of that, I still want him.
God, I want him.
Not for distraction. Not because Iโm lonely. I want him because I know him โ because heโs steady, careful, and so quietly good it makes my chest ache. Because Iโve been holding back so long itโs like breathing shallow for months. And because if I keep waiting for the perfect moment, Iโll miss whatโs right in front of me.
Maybe itโs reckless. Maybe itโs ruin. But right now?
Consequences be damned.
Weโll deal with whatever comes later. If thereโs fallout, weโll face it together. I trust him to fight for me in the ways that matter. And more than that โ I trust myself to survive the rest.
So I move.
The blanket slips from my lap in a quiet heap. My pulse hammers in my ears as I rise, crossing the space between us in slow, deliberate steps.
He doesnโt move. Just watches, eyes gone nearly black, waiting.
I stop in front of him. One breath. Two. Then my fingers are at his jaw, tracing down to the center of his chest. Heat radiates through the fabric, his heartbeat pounding against my palm.
His throat works. โSay it,โ he whispers.
โI want this,โ I murmur. โI want you.โ
His exhale is sharp, like the words knocked something loose inside him. His hands find my hips, not claiming, but holding โ almost reverent โ before his forehead tips forward to rest against my stomach.
He doesnโt speak. Doesnโt look up.
Just stays there, breathing me in, fingers curling against my sides like itโs the only way to stay grounded.
I stare down at him, my own pulse thrumming, every nerve tuned to the heat of his skin through my shirt. The tremor in his hands tells me exactly how hard heโs working to hold back.
I slide a hand into his hair, soft and thick between my fingers. His breath hitches, but he stays still.
And I realizeโฆ he wonโt be the one to cross the line. Not unless I show him itโs safe.
So I do.
My free hand cups his jaw, guiding his head up. His eyes lift, wide and intent, lips parted like heโs afraid to move.
I kiss him.
Lightly, at first โ just a ghost of contact, testing the shape of his mouth against mine. Once. Twice.
Then I catch his lower lip between mine, slow and deliberate.
Thatโs all it takes.
A sound escapes him โ low, frayed โ and his head tilts up, mouth opening to mine. I deepen the kiss, tongue sliding against his in slow, searching strokes.
Heat floods my belly, pulling me closer. One knee braces on the couch beside him, my weight leaning in until Iโm half over him. His hands tighten on my hips, keeping me from falling all the way into his lap.
He kisses me like heโs been starving for it.
And I kiss him like Iโm done pretending Iโm not.
One hand stays tangled in his curls; the other slides down to his neck, feeling the frantic jump of his pulse. His grip on my hips is almost punishing now, but still he doesnโt drag me closer.
His forehead rests against mine, breath rough, chest rising fast.
โAre you sure?โ His voice is strained, like the words are fighting through every instinct to just take. โIf we start this, I wonโt be able to stop.โ
My gaze locks with his, steady.
I shift, sliding into his lap fully, thighs framing his hips, my hands cradling his face. I feel the jolt go through him โ the breath that catches, the flicker in his eyes where control starts to slip.
โIโm sure,โ I whisper, my mouth brushing his. โStop holding back.โ
The restraint snaps.
He curses, desperate, and surges up to kiss me again โ nothing careful now. Just heat and want, months of tension breaking all at once. His hands are under my shirt, fingers splayed wide against my skin, dragging fire in their wake.
I press closer. He gives more. And in that moment, the only thing either of us is holding onto is each other.
His lips leave mine and trail down to my neck, slow and damp, each press sending warmth spiraling through me until Iโm melting under his mouth. I grind against him without thinking, searching for friction, desperate to feel him solid beneath me.
When he finds the tender spot between my neck and shoulder, I canโt help the soft sound that slips out.
โFuck,โ he exhales, the word frayed. โDo you know how many times Iโve imagined how youโd sound?โ
โTell me,โ I breathe, tilting my head back to give him more.
โI think about it all the time,โ he murmurs, his lips brushing each syllable into my skin. โThe way your voice would breakโฆ the way your skin would flush โ I see it sometimes, even in rehearsals. But then Iโm home, and my mind twists that into wondering if youโd turn that same shade with me inside you. If youโd cling to me, begging me not to stop.โ
Heat pours down my spine, pooling low until itโs molten. His mouth drags over the base of my throat, and my knees weaken.
โCome and find out,โ I pant.
The sound he makes is part groan, part surrender. His hands firm against me, decisive, and my shirt is sliding upward before I realize heโs moving. My arms lift instinctively, breath catching, and then itโs gone โ flung somewhere behind the couch.
His mouth is everywhere โ jaw, collarbone, just beneath my ear โ and Iโm already leaning into him, already giving in, when it hits me.
โWaitโโ My palm finds his chest, pushing just enough to stop his mouth. โShit. I havenโt showered.โ
He pauses. His eyes search mine, and though the hunger is still there, what comes forward first is softness.
โI donโt care,โ he says, voice thick, hands still warm against bare skin. โI want you.โ
โI care,โ I admit, my cheeks heating. โIโve been running around all day. Iโm not stripping down smelling likeโฆ effort and despair.โ
A sound escapes him โ a short, disbelieving laugh tangled with a groan โ and his forehead drops to my chest.
โYouโre making me wait to fuck you because of sweat?โ
โIโm making us wait so my armpits donโt ruin the mood.โ
He tips his head back, eyes narrowing with mock offense. โYouโre lucky Iโm obsessed with you.โ
A slow smile curves my lips. โThen be a good boy and take us to the shower.โ
His blink is slow. โYouโre giving me orders now?โ
โMove,โ I whisper against his mouth. โOr Iโll go without you. And youโll miss the view.โ
Thatโs all it takes.
He swears under his breath, bends, and slides his arms under my thighs in one smooth motion. My legs hook around his waist as he stands, and his mouth crashes into mine again, hungry and sure. His hands grip like heโs never letting me go.
โBossy,โ he mutters against my lips.
โFirst door on the left,โ I tell him breathlessly. โTry not to walk into the closet.โ
He carries me fast, like heโs afraid I might change my mind.
โIf you keep talking like thatโฆโ he grits out, โIโm not gonna make it.โ
โThen stop wasting time,โ I breathe into his jaw. โAnd get me wet.โ
The groan he lets out is low and guttural, vibrating against my skin as he shoulders the bathroom door open. It shuts behind us with a heavy click that seems to echo in the dark, sealing us in.
The shadows feel like the laser tag arena earlierโthe same adrenaline-laced closeness, the same rush in my veins.
He sets me down with a gentleness that doesnโt match the urgency, his palms sliding to the bare skin above my hips. Iโm down to a bra and sweats now, the air cool where it clings to damp skin.
โWhereโs the light?โ he murmurs into my temple, his breath hot and fraying.
I reach past him, fingertips brushing the wall until the switch flicks. The room floods in harsh fluorescence, cutting through the dark and stripping us bare. Honesty in every line of us.
I twist the shower handle, testing the water until it runs warm, steam beginning to curl. When I glance back, heโs watching meโnot just with hunger, but with something steadier, reverent. Like heโs trying to memorize this moment before it can vanish.
His shirt comes off slow, deliberate, every inch revealed pulling a shaky inhale from me. The broad cut of his shoulders, the play of muscle across his chest, the V of his hips vanishing beneath denimโitโs everything Iโd pictured, only impossibly more real.
He pops the button of his jeans, shoves them down until they pool at his ankles. Black boxers strain against him, and my pulse stumbles.
He steps in close, fingers hooking into my waistband. His knuckles brush skin, feather-light, but enough to make my stomach tighten. I lift each foot, letting him slide the sweats off me. His gaze never wavers.
The clasp of my bra comes loose with practiced ease, straps falling from my shoulders. His eyes darken as it drops, sharp want tempered with awe.
โGod,โ he mutters, almost to himself.
I turn toward the mirror, pulling my hair into a messy knot, but his arms are already circling my waist. His palms lift to cup my breasts, thumbs brushing my nipples as his mouth finds the slope of my neck. Heat coils low as I arch back into him, his hardness pressing against me, solid and demanding.
When I finally turn to face him, my cheeks are flushed, fingers curling in the waistband of his boxers. My gaze lifts, wordless question hanging between us.
He nods onceโslow, certain.
I peel them down. He steps free, and I canโt stop the way my thighs press together at the sight. Heโs everything Iโd imagined and more.
My underwear slips off with little ceremony, forgotten on the floor.
Steam thickens around us as we step into the shower. The glass door shuts with a muffled click, locking us inside the rising warmth.
Water streams over us instantly. I lather soap between my palms, but his gaze pins me, unrelenting.
When I raise my arms, he exhales something between a groan and a laugh. โThis is the most erotic hygiene Iโve ever seen.โ
โShut up,โ I mutter, smiling despite myself. โYou asked for this.โ
I pass him the soap. He doesnโt use it on himself. He works it into lather, palms slick, then coasts them over me insteadโup my back, down my arms, over the curve of my hips, mapping me like heโs learning me by touch alone.
โTurn,โ he says quietly.
I obey. His hands glide down my back, over my ass, slipping between my thighs. The sudden slickness drags a gasp from me, my palm bracing against the tile.
โYouโre so soft here,โ he breathes, reverent.
I reach behind blindly, fingers curling around him. His breath breaks, hips twitching.
When I face him again, I grab the soap, lathering it across his chest, down the taut lines of his stomach, before wrapping my hand around him, slow and deliberate. His breath shudders, eyes heavy.
By the time our mouths meet, weโre both panting, the kiss messy and unrestrained, all heat and no patience. His hand slips between my thighs again, teasing with maddening precisionโjust enough to push me closer, never enough to tip me over.
โChan,โ I whisper, trembling, forehead pressed to his. โIf you keep doing that, Iโm not gonna last.โ
โIโm not trying to make you last,โ he rasps against my throat. โIโm trying to make you come.โ
His fingers pause, only for a breath, then he leans to my ear. โEarlierโyou said youโd imagined this. Me. Us.โ
I nod, breath hitched.
โDid you touch yourself thinking about it?โ
Heat scorches my cheeks. My voice is a whisper. โYes. So many times.โ
The sound he makes is wrecked, forehead pressing into mine. โYou touching yourself, thinking of meโฆโ He shakes his head faintly. โYou have no idea what that does to me.โ
Steam curls thick around us, clinging to skin like another set of hands. I shift to steady myself, but my heel skids on slick tile.
โShitโโ
I slip forward, but his arm is already locked tight around my waist, the other braced against the wall, taking the hit for me.
โIโve got you,โ he murmurs, voice steady in my ear.
I look up at him, soaked and breathless, laughter spilling from me despite the heat. โThat was not my sexiest moment.โ
โStill the hottest thing Iโve ever seen.โ
Something softer unfurls through the lust thenโtenderness, threaded with awe.
I kiss him slow, water running between our lips. โLetโs do this right.โ
His chest heaves, eyes locked on mine. โYeah. Right.โ
We step out of the shower and cocoon ourselves in towels, skin still damp, steam curling in the air around us. It should feel ordinary โ just drying off, shaking water from our hair โ but watching him rub a towel through his curls, the way it drops low on his hips, does something to me I canโt even put into words.
I must linger too long, because he notices.
โWhat?โ he laughs, ears pinking, eyes bright with amusement.
I shake my head too quickly. โNothing.โ
โYouโre staring,โ he teases, voice warm enough to twist low in my stomach.
Heat prickles along my skin. I glance away, fussing with my towel, tucking it tight beneath my arms.
โYouโre justโฆโ My voice falters, slipping out before I can stop it. โEffortlessly sexy.โ
He stills. The teasing melts from his face, replaced with something softerโsomething that almost looks vulnerable.
โIโve never felt so seen in my entire life,โ he murmurs. The words punch the air from my lungs.
For a beat, we just look at each other, the steam swirling between us, heavy with whatโs unsaid.
I step closer, fingertips brushing his forearm. โWe should move,โ I whisper. โBefore the steam clears and I start overthinking this.โ
His jaw tightens, eyes darkening. โWe make it to the bed,โ he says roughly, โand Iโm not stopping again.โ
A shiver races through me.
We donโt waste another word. Barefoot and towel-wrapped, we leave the bathroom, trailing damp footprints and something hotter than the steam behind us.
The second the bedroom door shuts, restraint shatters.
My towel drops first.
His mouth is on mine before it even hits the floor, his hands gripping my waist like heโs anchoring himself. He kisses me like Iโm air and heโs been drowning for years.
I tug at the knot of his towel until it falls, fabric forgotten, and suddenly itโs just skin and heat, no walls left between us. He backs me toward the bed, lips never leaving mine, until the backs of my knees brush the mattress and we tumble down together in a tangle of limbs and breathless laughter.
His palms skate over me, tracing the dip of my waist before sliding lower, spreading across my thighs. He parts them easily, stepping in, groaning low when I arch against himโthe hard, hot press of him sliding over my slickness.
He stills, forehead dropping to mine.
โWait,โ he says, voice low and frayed. โLet me check.โ
My protest dies on my tongue when his fingers slide down, parting me, gliding through the wet heat heโs built in me.
โFuck,โ he mutters, voice breaking. โYouโre drenched.โ
โI told you,โ I gasp, hips twitching into his touch. โIโm ready.โ
But he doesnโt rush. His fingers tease, circling just right, until a sound spills out of me that I donโt even recognize as mine.
โIโve wanted this for so fucking long,โ he murmurs against my mouth. โI just want to make it good for you.โ
โIt already is,โ I whisper, my voice unsteady. โBut I need you, Chan. Please.โ
His hips press forward with a groan, but then he freezes, the sound breaking into something almost pained. โCondom,โ he mutters. โShit. I shouldโveโโ
โIโm on the pill,โ I cut in softly. โAnd I get tested. Regularly.โ
His gaze locks on mine. For a moment, the air shiftsโheat tempered by something steadier, grounding.
โIโm clean,โ he says, low but certain. โEvery tour. Every time. I swear.โ
The silence between us humsโnot awkward, but necessary.
I slide my hands up his back, pulling him closer, grounding him in turn. โI want to feel you,โ I murmur. โAll of you. Like this.โ
The sound he makes is wrecked, forehead dropping to my shoulder as if the words snap his restraint in half.
He shifts, hand guiding himself, the thick press of him nudging at my entrance. The world narrows to that single point of contact.
His jaw is tight, every line of him trembling with the effort of control. โTell me to stop,โ he rasps, voice scraped raw.
โI wonโt.โ
The sound that tears from him isnโt quite a groan, isnโt quite a pleaโjust raw need breaking through. Then heโs pushing in, slow, deliberate, making sure I feel the drag of every inch. The stretch pulls a gasp from my throat, my body clutching around him as he sinks deeper, steady, until he pauses just shy of giving me everything.
โDonโt hold back,โ I whisper, fingers sliding down the sweat-slick ridges of his back until they grip his ass, dragging him closer. โI want it all.โ
He curses low, ragged, and drives the rest of the way in with one hard thrust. His hips slam against mine, the sudden, perfect fullness stealing my breath. My head tips back, a moan ripping free as my nails bite into his skin.
โFuck,โ I choke, vision blurring.
His mouth finds the edge of my jaw, voice shredded. โThat what you wanted?โ
โYes,โ I moan, hips rolling into his, desperate to match his rhythm.
He retreats agonizingly slow, pulling almost all the way out, before slamming forward againโsharp, precise. My cry echoes in the room.
โGod, you feelโfuckโso tight, so warm,โ he groans against my neck, each word a hot brand on my skin.
โChan, pleaseโโ
โTell me what you need.โ His breath is jagged, trembling against my cheek.
โHarder,โ I beg, the word spilling out helpless.
He doesnโt even blink. Pulling out until only the tip remains, he thrusts back in, hard, hips colliding with mine.
The sound that tears from me borders on a sob. I love a man who knows harder doesnโt mean faster.
โJust like that,โ I gasp, trying to roll my hips into his pace.
He bites back a groan, eyes fluttering shut. โGod, youโreโฆโ His voice falters when I hook my legs around his hips, dragging him deeper.
โYou can finish that thought later,โ I pant, grinding up against him, chasing the rhythm that makes my toes curl. โRight now, I need you toโโ
A thrust slams into me just right and the words shatter on my tongue, breaking into a strangled moan.
Chanโs lips twitch into a smirk. โFinish your thought?โ he teases, even as his hips drive sharper, harder. โDonโtโget cocky,โ I manage, voice splintering in the middle.
โToo late,โ he mutters, and his hand slides up my body, fingers curling around my throat. Not squeezing, just waiting, testing.
My breath stutters, a startled moan breaking free.
โYou like that,โ he rasps.
โYes,โ I gasp, raw and unfiltered. โFuck, yes.โ
His grip tightens just enough to make my pulse thunder in my ears, his thrusts growing ragged, reckless. His jaw works, teeth gritted.
โIโm notโโ a groan tears through him, โโIโm not gonna last.โ
โGood,โ I pant, legs tightening around his hips, holding him in place. โI donโt want you to.โ
He falters for a heartbeat, forehead pressed to mine, breath shuddering like heโs fighting himself.
โWhere do you want me?โ His voice breaks on the words. โTell me, babyโwhere do you want me?โ
Heat scorches my spine. I donโt flinch, donโt look away. My hand trails down my stomach, tapping just above my navel before sliding higher to cup my breast.
โHere,โ I whisper.
His groan is feral, guttural. โFuckโโ
He pulls almost all the way out before slamming back in, harder, deeper, every thrust a weapon aimed straight at my undoing. My fingers clutch his shoulders, my legs locked tight around him, chasing the edge thatโs already burning hot beneath my skin.
โChanโโ The word breaks apart when he hits that perfect spot, my vision going white.
He snarls against my throat, one hand slipping between us to circle my clit. โCome for me. Please, baby, I need to feel you.โ
I slap my hand over his, grinding down, the added pressure sending me spiraling. The wave crashes, violent and consuming, my body gripping him mercilessly as a cry rips out of me.
Chan groans, broken, and pulls out at the last second, stroking himself hard until his release paints my stomach and chestโexactly where I asked.
He collapses beside me, chest heaving, one hand fumbling for mine on the sheets.
โJesus Christ,โ he mutters against my temple, voice wrecked, knuckles brushing my cheek like I might break. โYouโre gonna kill me.โ
I smile, lazy and wrecked, still trembling. โWorth it.โ
For a while, we just lie thereโbodies still trembling with the aftershocks, the room heavy with our uneven breaths. Heat clings to my skin, sticky where his release trails across me, and his gaze follows every line of it.
โFuck,โ he whispers, voice rough with awe. His eyes are dark, reverent. โYou look so fucking pretty like this.โ
The honesty in it makes my chest ache, my breath catching before I can stop it.
โAlmost donโt wanna wipe it off,โ he adds, thumb grazing the skin just below my navel, dragging slow circles as if memorizing the sight.
โBut you will,โ I murmur, trying to cover the sudden thrum in my chest with a teasing smile.
His chuckle is low, a soft rumble that curls into my stomach. โYeah. I will.โ
โThereโs tissues in the first drawer,โ I mumble, nodding toward the bedside.
โOn it, boss,โ he shoots back, the tease easing the raw edge of the moment.
He leans across me, the warmth of him brushing my side as he grabs one. The touch when he cleans me is almost unbearably gentleโslow swipes, careful, like heโs looking for reasons not to stop touching me. When heโs done, he presses a kiss to my stomach, lingering, before catching my wrist and brushing his lips against the inside of it.
We sink into the pillows after, tangled beneath the sheets, limbs slipping easily together like weโve always done this. The silence between us isnโt awkward. Itโs thick with all the things we didnโt have the courage to say earlier, the weight of what we just let happen, and the fact that neither of us knows what it means now.
His fingers trace an absent line along my hip, grounding me. โSo much for just talking, huh?โ
A laugh huffs out of me against his chest. โDidnโt age well.โ
โNot complaining,โ he murmurs, voice softer. A beat passes. โBut I meant what I said before.โ
I glance up, and the heat in his gaze is goneโwhatโs left is just quiet truth. โAbout protecting me?โ
โYeah. About all of it.โ He tucks a stray strand of hair from my forehead, letting his hand linger there. โI know this complicates everything. But I donโt regret it. Do you?โ
The question lands heavy. I think of the kiss in the dark, the fight in the alley, the way every excuse I clung to unraveled in his hands. And then thisโwhat we just shared. The way he touched me like I mattered. The way I let him in.
โNo,โ I whisper. โI donโt regret it.โ
His shoulders ease beneath me, the tension bleeding out with a long exhale.
โGood,โ he says softly. A pause. Then, with a grin tugging at his mouth, โStill think the real turning point was when you shot me with that stupid finger gun. Thatโs when I knew I was doomed.โ
I snort into his chest. โYou were smug. You deserved it.โ
โI was trying to impress you.โ
โWell, it worked. Unfortunately.โ
He groans, exaggerated. โDonโt say unfortunately after sex like that. Thatโs cruel.โ
I smile against his skin. โYouโll survive.โ
He nudges my nose with his. โYouโre lucky I like you.โ
โMmm,โ I hum, eyes already slipping shut. โThatโs what you said about the Baby Yoda blanket.โ
He pulls back just enough to catch my expression. โNo. That was when I knew I was a goner.โ
โYouโve got a type,โ I mumble, already drowsy. โHot mess.โ
His laugh is warm, rasped with exhaustion, and he pulls me closer. โYouโre not a mess.โ
I donโt argue. Iโm too tired to pretend.
This silence feels differentโgentler, softened at the edges. Real. His hand settles at my back, thumb brushing lazily over my spine.
โI donโt know what happens now,โ he admits, voice slower. โOr how we go back to pretending. But whatever this isโฆ I want it. I want you.โ
Iโm already half asleep, but I hear it. Feel it.
And even as I sink deeper into the pull of rest, my lips part just enough to breathe the only truth that matters.
โI want this too.โ
The words are quiet, slurred, almost lostโbut not to him.
He stills, just for a heartbeat, like it knocked the air out of him. Then he exhales slow, presses a kiss to my forehead, and pulls me closer like he canโt help it.
With his hand curled around mine and his heartbeat steady beneath my cheek, I finally let go.
โโโโโโโ โก โโโโโโโ
The soft press of lips against my shoulder pulls me back into the moment. Not urgent. Not demanding. Justโฆ there. I shift slightly, breath hitching as awareness crashes inโhis chest warm against my back, the unmistakable press of him already hard.
A smile tugs at my lips before I can stop it. โAgain?โ
Chanโs chuckle rumbles low behind me, vibrating through my spine. โYeah.โ
Just that.
His palm finds my thigh under the covers, dragging upward with an unhurried slide that leaves goosebumps in its wake. No rush this time, no frantic need. Just skin, sighs, and another kissโslow, patientโthe kind that unravels me from the inside out before anything else even starts. One of those kisses that makes my body ache with want before heโs touched me anywhere near where I need him.
His mouth moves against mine like heโs tasting all the time we lost. The glide of his tongue is deliberate, reverent. No urgency now, no edge of desperation. Just worship.
Heat pools low between my thighs with every stroke of his tongue against mine. Iโd thought before that his lips tasted like heartbreak. I was wrong. They taste like heaven. A whimper escapes before I can stop it, sharp against the quiet of the room, and my hips tilt, chasing friction on instinct.
He shifts slowly, pressing me down into the mattress, caging me beneath his weight without ever breaking the kiss. By the time our mouths part, Iโm dazed, undone, unable to find words.
โEager,โ he teases, his smile brushing against my lips. But it isnโt smugโjust fond. โLet me take care of you, yeah?โ he murmurs, teeth tugging lightly at my lower lip.
The kiss returnsโsofter this time, all lips and teeth and slow licks of tongue, exploring, teasing, lingering until Iโm breathless. My fingers find his curls, curling tight, pulling him closer because I already need more. His hand roams over me, palm to hip to waist, stoking heat everywhere he touches, but I donโt want this kiss to end either.
When his thumb grazes over my nippleโbarely thereโI jolt, the sensation scattering heat everywhere. But he doesnโt linger. Instead, he cups my face, palm warm against my jaw as he tilts me back. His lips leave mine only to trail down: the corner of my mouth, the sharp line of my jaw, a constellation of open-mouthed kisses dotting my neck.
The feel of him hereโhis lips, his tongue, his teethโis better than anything Iโd imagined. Too soft, too gentle, too perfect. By the time he reaches my collarbone, a moan tears out of me, my hips lifting off the bed in search of more.
โShhh.โ He looks up at me through his lashes, thumb brushing absently across the corner of my mouth. โI wanna take my time with you this time.โ
Then his mouth dips lowerโstill unhurried, but with more teeth now, nipping a path down the center of my chest, grazing skin that makes me shiver. He turns his head just enough to bite the underside of my breast, close but never quite where I want him most.
His hand leaves my jaw, sliding lower to squeeze and tease until Iโm trembling, deliberately avoiding the peak until Iโm nearly panting. When his thumb finally drags over my nipple, the spark of it makes my eyes flutter shut, a moan tearing out of me. His mouth follows immediately, hot and wet, sucking lightly before letting his teeth graze. Electricity arcs through me, leaving me arching into him, clinging to his hair with shaking fingers.
โFuck,โ I mutter, half-broken, half-worship.
โGod, youโre so responsive,โ he breathes, sounding just as wrecked as I feel, his grip tightening on my waist.
Before I can answer, his mouth shifts to my other breast, his hand replacing the wet heat he leaves behind. I writhe beneath him, the slick ache between my thighs growing unbearable.
โChan, I need you to fโโ
His teeth catch my nipple, sharp and sudden, and the cry that escapes me is nothing Iโd ever recognize as my own. But with him, thereโs no shame.
His tongue follows immediately, soothing the sting, lapping at it like an apology. โShit, that was hot,โ he mumbles against my skin, and Iโm left gasping, trying to steady my breath.
Then he keeps movingโmouth trailing lower, kisses damp and open as they slip down my stomach, over my navel, lower still. My hands fist in the sheets, trembling with anticipation.
When the heat of his breath ghosts over my core, I forget how to breathe.
He shifts lower, arms sliding beneath my thighs as he pulls me toward him. I gasp, breath stuttering when I realize how close his mouth isโbarely inches from where I need him most. His eyes lock onto mine, dark and hungry, before they drop to the slick heat between my thighs.
โFuck,โ he breathes, the reverence in his voice undoing me. โYouโre soaked. Letโs see how sweet you taste, yeah?โ
The first drag of his tongue rips the air from my lungs. He doesnโt tease, not this time. He finds my clit immediately, tongue gliding flat and slow over it until stars burst behind my eyelids. My hands fly to his hair, clutching tight, searching for something to anchor me.
His grip on my thighs is unrelenting, holding me open as he licks and swirls with unhurried precision, humming like this is his favorite meal. The vibration makes my legs tremble. I tug gently at his curls, a plea, and he answers with more pressure.
โFuck,โ I gasp, voice breaking. โYeahโjust like that.โ
He groans into me, approval rough in his throat, and the sound vibrates against my clit. My breathing is ragged, too loud in my own ears, the only sound in the room besides the wet slide of his tongue.
Every fantasy Iโve ever had pales in comparison to thisโhis mouth on me, his focus absolute. I barely register when one of his hands leaves my thigh, not until two fingers sink inside me, stretching me open. I cry out, clenching around him, my back arching.
โYouโre so tight,โ he murmurs against my skin, his words hot where I need them least.
He lifts his head just enough to watch me, his gaze sharp as he works his fingers in and out, his thumb circling my clit with devastating precision. His eyes rake over me, taking in every shiver, every roll of my hips chasing his hand.
โAfter this,โ he groans, voice wrecked, โI wonโt be able to think straight. Youโll own every filthy thought, every time Iโm gasping for air, Iโll be chasing the way you ruin me.โ
Then his mouth is on me again, tongue merciless against my clit while his fingers thrust deeper, faster. The dual sensation burns through me, too much and not enough, dragging me higher at a brutal pace. I rock my hips against him, desperate for more, for everything.
โGodโdonโt stop, donโt stop,โ I cry out, urgency raw in my voice as I squeeze my eyes shut.
Release hits hard and sharp, tearing a broken moan from my chest. My fingers fist tight in his hair as my body trembles through the wave, every nerve alight. He doesnโt let go until Iโm boneless, panting, sprawled against the mattress.
When his gaze finds mine again, itโs still dark, still hungry, like he hasnโt had nearly enough. The air between us crackles, charged.
I reach for him without thinking, curling my fingers in his hair to tug him up. His mouth crashes into mine, messy and consuming, his tongue tasting of everything he left behind on my skin. My own taste on his lips is electric, and another rush of heat pools low in my stomach.
This kiss is softer, though no less hungry, his mouth dragging slow against mine until Iโm dizzy, gasping. When he finally pulls back, his breath fans warm over my lips, uneven and hot.
Iโm not ready to let him go.
My hand slides between us, wrapping around the hard weight of himโthick, hot, heavy in my palm. I give him a slow stroke, teasing, and his jaw flexes as a hiss escapes between his teeth, his forehead pressing to mine like he needs the anchor.
โLet me return the favor,โ I murmur, breathless.
His eyes sharpen, anticipation sparking through the hunger. He leans back onto the mattress, thighs parting in silent invitation, and I shift between them, the bed dipping under my weight.
The sight of himโflushed, swollen, a bead of precum glistening at the tipโsends a fresh ache straight through me. A vein throbs along the length, pulsing with his heartbeat, and my mouth waters at the thought of tasting him.
I lean in, his scent surrounding meโclean skin edged with something darker, primal. My tongue flicks out to catch the bead, salt and heat exploding across my tongue, and his sharp inhale is almost a growl.
I press a kiss to the crown, then seal my lips around it, pulling gently just to hear the subtle hitch in his breathing. His hips twitch, restrained, and the groan that rumbles from his chest is pure instinct.
I take more of him, slow, savoring the stretch of my lips around him, the slick slide of his skin against my tongue. My hand wraps the base, stroking in rhythm with my mouth. His thighs tighten under my palms, muscles trembling as his fingers hover, then settle in my hair, his grip firm but careful.
Every soundโhis half-choked curses, the sharp hisses, the broken moansโspurs me on. I sink deeper, finding a pace that turns his breathing ragged, his restraint unraveling thread by thread.
When I hollow my cheeks, sucking harder, his hand tightens, tugging at my hair, the faint sting shooting heat down my spine. Heโs teetering at the edge, and I want to drag him over it.
I pull off with a wet pop, lips swollen, meeting his gaze head-on. His eyes are hooded, pupils blown, his hunger barely leashed.
โStop holding back,โ I whisper, steady despite the thundering in my chest. โThis is the only time Iโll never complain about being manhandled. Do your worst.โ
Something in him snaps. His grip tightens, dragging me up into a bruising kissโurgent, teeth clashing, tongues tangling. When he tears away, his breath is fire against my ear.
โRide me,โ he growls, voice rough with want. โSlow.โ
The command rolls through me like thunder, settling low in my belly. My thighs quake as I swing one over his hips, the solid weight of him pressing against my entrance โ hot, insistent. I sink down slow, inch by inch, every breath catching in my throat as my body stretches to take him. The ache flares sharp before melting into something molten, a fire that curls through every nerve.
His fingers dig into my thighs, holding me there once Iโm flush against him, refusing me the instinct to move. The fullness borders on unbearable, the pressure so much I almost gasp. My body clenches around him, unbidden, and his grip only tightens.
โSo deepโฆโ The words slip out on a broken breath. His thumbs press harder, as if to anchor me in the feeling.
Then he guides me โ up, down โ agonizingly slow, hips rolling with deliberate control. The drag of him inside me is maddening, every thrust paced like heโs carving me into memory. Each time I try to chase more, his hold reins me back, dictating the rhythm with infuriating patience. My skin prickles with frustration, thighs trembling as I fight the urge to unravel.
His eyes never leave mine, pupils blown, watching every flicker of expression like he can taste it. โPerfect,โ he murmurs, reverent, his touch soothing and tormenting at once.
And it hits me: Iโm not just moving on him โ heโs dismantling me, piece by careful piece, without ever loosening his grip.
โYou wanted me to ride you?โ My voice trembles but holds, the challenge sharper than I feel. โThen let me.โ
His laugh is low, chest rumbling beneath my palms. His hands slide down, loosening. โI like it when you bite back.โ
โBetter get used to it.โ
I shift, rolling my hips with purpose, drawing him out and back in, savoring the way it makes his jaw tighten. My pace builds, deliberate but demanding, and his hands stay at my waist โ guiding, not commanding. His gaze darkens, hungry, lips parted as though heโs barely holding back.
Half-lidded, he rasps, โGot any toys?โ
The question steals my rhythm for a heartbeat, heat pooling low. โYeahโฆ Nightstand.โ
His mouth curves, wicked. โKeep moving, baby. Tell me while you fuck me.โ
I brace a palm to his chest, grinding down, my words tumbling out with shaky breath. โTop drawer.โ
โWhich one?โ His growl is dark, rough, as though the thought alone frays his restraint. โTell me your favorite.โ
My lip catches between my teeth as I fight for words through the haze of pleasure, hips jerking on instinct. โThe purple oneโโ The admission splinters into a moan that steals the rest.
His chuckle is low, teasing, the sound curling hot in my belly. โDonโt make me guess. Say it.โ
โThe wandโmy wand,โ I gasp, voice breaking as my nails dig crescents into his shoulders, rolling my hips down again just to ground myself.
โGood girl.โ His praise purrs against my skin, hands tightening on my waist. โNow grab it. Let me see how wet you get with your favorite.โ
The stretch of him sliding out drags a groan from both of us. I fumble with the drawer, hands clumsy in my rush, and pull the wand free. The low hum blooms in the room as I flick it on, vibrating against the silence. His gaze locks on it, sharp, hungry, lips curving into something dark.
โLater,โ he promises, voice a low strike of velvet and gravel. โWeโre going through every last one. But for nowโฆโ His chin tips toward it, eyes glittering. โShow me.โ
I press it to my clit, and the vibration slams through me like a live wire. My thighs tremble, a moan spilling raw and unbidden from my throatโonly for him to pluck it from my hand before I can find rhythm.
The wand buzzes as he presses it to me while I sink back down, the double onslaught ripping a cry from my throat. Stretch and vibration, sharp and blinding.
โFuckโโ My gasp breaks into a whimper when he pulls it away.
โNot yet.โ His smirk is pure sin. He presses it back, watches me jolt, then lifts it again, dragging out the torment.
โChanโโ
He flips the setting higher, brushes it against me, then withdraws once more, savoring my desperation. โGonna take my time wrecking you.โ
The tease pushes me over the edge of patience. I snatch it from him, kill the vibration, toss it aside, and plant both hands by his head. My lips brush his when I whisper, โThen Iโll ruin you first.โ
I ride him hard, fast enough that every thrust knocks the breath out of me, out of him. His hands clamp to my hips in a bruising grip.
โBabyโslowโโ
โToo late.โ I slam down on him again, heat sparking in my veins. โIโm not stopping.โ
His groan is guttural, breaking, and then heโs hauling me tight against his chest, hips snapping up with merciless force. The new angle devastates, every thrust stealing my voice, leaving me clawing at his shoulders, moaning ragged into his neck.
โChanโโ My plea fractures on a gasp. โBehind. Fuck me from behind.โ
He stills, breath hot against my ear, then curses low.
โOn your knees.โ
In the next breath, he flips usโfast, practicedโpinning me for only a heartbeat before Iโm on my hands and knees, the sheets bunched beneath my palms. His hands spread my thighs with rough precision, lining up, and then heโs inside me in one merciless thrust.
The sound of skin meeting skin is obscene, echoing sharp in the quiet, each snap of his hips sending shockwaves through my arms until they tremble. He leans forward, his chest burning against my back, breath hot at my ear.
โGet the vibrator.โ
I fumble blindly, breath stuttering, fingers finally closing around it. The low hum blooms again as I flick it on, my hips tilting back into him. The angle makes him strike so deep I cry out, the toy pressed between my thighs only doubling the fire ripping through me.
His palm lands against my assโhard, controlled. The sting burns, sending me lurching forward with a broken whimper.
โThatโs it,โ he growls, voice frayed. โKeep it right there.โ
Another slap, sharper, spreads heat through my veins, arousal spiking so fast I jolt.
โGood girl.โ His praise is grit and gravel, each word driving through me as he pounds harder, dragging me back against him like he owns every thrust. โNow come for me. I want to feel it.โ
โCome with me,โ I gasp, turning my head just enough to catch his eyes over my shoulder.
He falters, groaning, disbelief etched in his voice. โYou want me to come inside you?โ
โYesโโ The word cracks into a moan. โGod, Iโm so closeโโ
His rhythm changes instantlyโharder, faster, both hands locked around my hips as he drives me back into him. The slick sound of us fills the room, layered with our ragged breathing, the high-pitched hum of the toy, the desperate noises spilling from my throat.
Pleasure hits like a tidal wave, sharp and white-hot, tearing a cry from me. My grip on the vibrator falters, knuckles numb, but my body doesnโt stopโhips still lifted, chasing his pace even as I collapse into the sheets. He holds me there until he breaks too, a guttural sound ripping free as he spills inside me, hips stuttering through the aftershocks before collapsing forward, weight pressing me deliciously into the mattress.
For a moment, neither of us moves. The room is filled only with our ragged breaths, tangled bodies and the faint buzz of the toy forgotten somewhere between the sheets.
โHoly shit,โ I whisper into the pillow, still trembling.
His chest shakes against my back, the rumble of his laugh vibrating through me until I giggle helplessly along with him.
โYou okay?โ he murmurs, shifting just enough to prop himself on his side, his weight braced by one arm. His fingers find a loose strand of hair, tucking it gently behind my ear like itโs the most natural thing in the world.
I look at himโreally look. The half-drawn blinds let a stripe of moonlight cut across his face, sharpening every angle, softening everything else.
โYeah. You?โ
โCompletely ruined,โ he admits with a smile I donโt recognize. Itโs shy, almost, but not quiteโthereโs weight behind it, something deeper flickering in his eyes that makes my chest tighten. Like heโs letting me in on a secret, one I havenโt earned yet but already belong to.
โIโm as wrecked as you are,โ I murmur, voice barely a sigh. โTonight made sure of thatโฆ No one else matters.โ
I shift to get upโand immediately feel it, the inevitable aftermath.
โShit,โ I mumble into the sheets.
โWhat?โ His voice is still low, rough at the edges.
โIf I move right now, your kids are gonna make a break for it.โ
Thereโs a beat of silence before he bursts out laughing, unrestrained, his chest shaking against my back as he leans into me. โGod, youโre disgusting.โ
โSays the man who put them there,โ I shoot back, pushing up onto my elbows.
Heโs still grinning when I glance over my shoulder. โGo,โ he says, swatting my ass lightly as I crawl away. โIโll keep your side warm.โ
โDonโt get too comfortable,โ I call, padding toward the bathroom. โIโm stealing all the blankets when Iโm back.โ
When I return, heโs already burrowed under the covers, hair sticking up in every possible direction, nothing but a smug smile covering him.
โPerfect timing.โ He lifts the blanket with mock ceremony, like heโs been holding the spot just for me.
The second I slide in, his arms wrap around me tight, locking me in place. โMine,โ he mutters, pressing a sloppy kiss to my temple.
โYou sound like a toddler with a toy,โ I say, but Iโm already sinking into his chest.
โYouโre a very soft toy,โ he counters, peppering kisses across my faceโcheeks, nose, jawโuntil Iโm laughing and pushing at him.
โStop! Youโre worse than a puppy.โ
He grins against my cheek. โDonโt bring Seungmin into this.โ
โEw.โ I laugh, shoving him lightly.
โYou started it,โ he fires back smugly.
I shake my head, but he only pulls me closer, cocooning me with the blanket as though I might slip away. One arm curls around my waist, the other sliding under my pillow, anchoring me there.
The room quiets, only our uneven breathing filling the space. My fingers trace lazy shapes over his shoulder, while his palm drifts slowly up and down my spineโunhurried, tender, like heโs committing every inch of me to memory.
Minutes slip by. His hand grows still, his breathing evens. The weight of his arm loosens just enough to tell me heโs gone under.
I blink into the dimness, surprised. Chan doesnโt fall asleep easilyโnot without a fight, not without distraction. But here he is, chest pressed to mine, features softened in the silver wash of moonlight.
And it hits me.
Earlier, he told me he trusted me.
Now, heโs proving it in the quietest way possibleโsleeping like itโs safe, like itโs easy. Like Iโm home.ย
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If you feel the inspiration, May we please have a part two of Seungmin calling reader a gold digger. My heart is broken for them. ๐ญ thank you for all of the work you put into what you write. Itโs really amazing! Have a nice day and take care! ๐
u asked me soooo so kindly ๐ฅบ๐ Thank you very much for your wordsโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
I don't really like writing about babies but I was suddenly wondering how Felix would react in this situation and I tried to write what I imagined hahahaha lol I had a lot of funnnnn
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Summary: After weeks of talking about the baby on the way, the little one finally arrives. But Felix isn't home, so... Surprise?
Genre: Fluff
Warnings: A baby (? LOL)
A/N: This was saved and it was shorter so I edited it and brought it over ๐๐ And also lmk if you want to be on the permanent Taglist (skz only) n.n
A/N: I really don't know if this deserves a pt.2... & you guys need to tell me if you want to be on all fake texts Taglist (like... permanently? idk) or just specific ones!!
This one in particular is dedicated to @vernorica123! I hope you have fun and cry at the same time baby ๐
A/N: I really don't know if this deserves a pt.2... & you guys need to tell me if you want to be on all fake texts Taglist (like... permanently? idk) or just specific ones!!
This one in particular is dedicated to @vernorica123! I hope you have fun and cry at the same time baby ๐
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming