la vida es bella.

1950s pants

Jenn’s efforts are the reward for the lucky admirers who snag one of her arrangements for Valentine’s Day this year, but she’s personally hoping for something sweeter: “Maybe some sea salt dark chocolate from my husband.”

But God.. look what I made of me. I wish lil me could see. I can’t keep from smiling. Through every struggle I learned to find i’m far more powerful than anything formed against me. I just wish someone would have told me i’d be okay.

Lately I’ve been trying to remember who I am. Or who I was. Trying to retrace the steps I took to get to this numb place. Trying to retract every man who lead me here. One by one I kept breaking. Loving the idea of what love made me. So happy, So alive. Trying to understand where I went wrong and how all our feelings died. I just wanted to be happy with you. I just wanted to heal you. I made the mistake of believing you could heal someone who’s already broken. & hurt myself. Sometimes I just.. miss me. - I should have loved you less. - I should have loved myself more.

I learned to love you the way my mother never loved my father. So you dipped in it raw while testing the waters. & got caught in a wave too strong to pull out of. You weren’t sure I was the sea till my tide held tight and you started drowning. Guards should’ve warned you I got that good ting. Ive burned Forrest’s in your name, i got that good weed. Got me thinking, about you thinking about me and why you left so easy Someone told me shit’ll leave me the same way it received me. So. Fuck it.

Dear Diary, I’m starting to feel empty inside.. I.. don’t have many friends these days. All the friends I did or do have never really were there for me either way. I have a habit of going on auto-pilot and I wonder about the little pleasures in life that use to seem attainable. I imagine myself having “girls night out” then crashing at my best friends place because i’m too wasted to drive myself home. I dream about cooking 5 course meals for my man and him genuinely liking every bit and piece of my hard effort, down to the sautéed asparagus seasoned with lemon. Or sometimes I even hope that someone would hit me up  spontaneously to take a trip to the beach right before sunset just to get stoned and share secrets we never could sober. I don’t know.. I guess I just haven’t found my outlet. And some days.. I feel I never will. I look around and I see everyone. But I don’t think anyone sees me. Let’s face it.. I fucking suck. I suck at being social, I suck at relationships.. I suck at life, overall. I’m not worth it.

Underwater photography is just so beautiful. Zena Holloway photography

Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via foarteverde)

me comforting a friend