Thoughts

Darkness and despair..

I can’t help but smile

Knowing that Allah is the storyteller

You know Allah

The Most Kind, The Most Merciful

The Most Gentle

He is the One who holds the pen and wrote the story

The story beyond the mortal realm

Beyond the end of everything human

The story where the victors are the truly good

And the losers are the truly evil

His story. The Most Just

So hold on tight to the rope of Allah

Even if it burns you

Even through the toughest parts of the plot

Stay close to Him

It’s about to get gritty

It’s about to get ugly

Stay close to the Storyteller

For it has already been foretold

Advised for millenia

Systematic perversion of the pure and innocent

Before this, I was always a “child skeptic”, if that word even exists

Never had the desire, scoffed at the idea of having any, mostly because i felt i could never be good enough to raise one. Poured my cuteness aggression into furry felines instead.

Then God sent me my son and boy was it a switch flip 180 degree turn of perspective my guy

Something changed inside me completely, like my nurturer side awokened and my emotional antannae starts to go bonkers crazy

My heart suddenly grew 6 sizes to accomodate for my sudden love and so much concern.. for children

So so much love and concern

Everyday I try not to break into tears thinking about chidren

Thinking about my child when he was a newborn, thinking about us being just babies to our own parents, thinking about orphans, that lost little baby who broke down when she finally encountered adults, about children being intentionally starved, children in prisons

Children being starbed children being starved children being starved children being starved children being starved children starved starving children starving children premature babies left to rot in incubators babies rotting in incubators left alone mothers forced to see their children being sent to prison children being starved children in prison children being murdered by soldiers starving scared children babies left to starve in incubators and die alone

I try not to think about them too much just to function. I shove them violently in the back crevices of my heart. So much that my heart feels like its about to explode and i want to break into a desperate wail into the void.

My mind flashes back to a scene from an old indonesian show our teacher used to put on in religious class. A poor and widowed woman wailing to the rainy thundery sky, questioning God on her many misfortunes. She was met with an unpleasant death. The worst misfortune amongst her array of misfortunes.

A desperate wail… is in fact a thankless ungrateful action

I do not love children more than God loves children

I do not love children more than God loves children

Snap out of it

I try to think of impermanence of Earth

I feel a little better.. knowing their permanent place is so much better than their current impermanent situation

So much so that it is said they even wish to go back to Earth, face the same misfortune again, just to feel the immense pleasure that they got again as they leave Earth

MasyaAllah

MasyaAllah

MasyaAllah

Subhanallah

Subhanallah

Subhanallah

Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find ease

My heart finally rests as my tongue recites dhikr that becomes blankets and pillows surrounding my heart.

Allahu Akbar

Allahu Akbar

I appreciate you

I admire you

I love you

I see the person you are

In sychronised motion with the person I am

But I have to admit

I don’t see you see you

I see Him in you

In your love

I see His

So when you lapse

It does not come to me as a surprise

You may break my trust

But you don’t alter my reality

Because all along I’ve known

That all good belongs to God

a mystery why i crave to be understood

to be acknowledged to be applauded

i run backwards and fall expecting to be caught

from a stage of an empty hall

i rebuild my shattered spine

climb upstage and run again

why

can i channel this longing into something more meaningful?

i doubt i can stop falling backwards

it is human is it not to lean?

but to take that chance injures me at best

paralyses me at worst

clouds, pillows, an entirely different high place

any other solution

where i fall

and i fly

Which makes me think that afterlife is the same..

Gameplay

Unboxing

Cleaning videos

Just as Islam needs the asatizah who forefront the calling of people to the religion through education,

it needs the struggling hijabi influencer who mentions the Prophet SAWs name from time to time to her peers as a reminder of our great leader.

Just as Islam needs activists who strongly voice out against violence of oppressed people,

it needs the strict Yemeni mother who practices heavy supplications to raise a generation of awliya that might be the reason we are spared from God’s wrath.

Just as Islam needs the muslim doctors and gynaecologists who champion in saving lives and fulfill the fardhu kifayah,

it needs the stay-at-home wife who cooks simple meals for her tired husband, whose tax money is the reason mosques are still standing.

Just as Islam needs the muslims in political positions who do tireless research to ensure the fatwa released in this rapidly modernising world avoids outrage of the masses and achieves God’s acceptance and good grace,

it needs the muslims in questionable occupations, who draw non-believers to the beauty of Islam through their warmth, compassion and kindness.

Not to condone major sins that go against God’s instructions, or behaviours that disturb the peace of people around them.

We are all sinners, and we have the responsibility to seek forgiveness and return to Allah.

But we don’t have to hate each other and judge each other for our Islam, over what we fundamentlly agree with.

Without Abu Hurairah hanging around in the mosques and playing with cats instead of being in the workforce, we would not receive many of the the key blessed Ahadith of the Prophet SAW that are fundamental to our understanding of Islam.

In the same breath, without the businessman Abu Bakar As-Siddiq RA not being present in all Prophet’s gatherings due to the nature of his business, we would not get the capital we need to spread Islam’s message in the first place.

Every muslim has their place.

“For the month end dump”

“Should I post this?”

“I don’t want to spam my followers”