with+glittering+eyes

We pick up in New York City,

I’m trying to find the (wo)man I never got to be.

But when I push down on the pavement,

I found the whole thing so much harder than it seemed.

—

Chasing a dream.

They tell you it’s going to be hard, but they neglect to tell you how so.

I feared the obvious things — running out of money, forgetting a good friend’s birthday, blurring my identity, forgetting reality, gaining and losing the same fifteen pounds, failing at what I said I would do.

Nothing prepared me for the truly scary things — wondering if what you’ve chosen to do is worth it, realizing you’re the only person who gets to decide, accepting that life is an endless beat of loving things and losing them.

An endless study in letting go.

—

Young and full of running

Tell me

Where’s that taking me?

—

Just a great figure eight, or

a tiny infinity?

—

This was supposed to be a story about following your guts. Instead it became a story about changing your mind.

It’ll be a story about surrendering. About letting go a hundred times before you’re ready to hang on. Awaiting that sticky dream like the perfect wave. The only one that keeps you wondering how far you can ride it. Wondering how long until you’ll be home.

You’re gonna get it wrong the first time, I’d be willing to bet on that.

Love is,

really nothing

but a dream that keeps

waking me.

—

For all of my trying

We still end up dying

How can it be?