Witch of Himring

You could not get that image out of your head. Sometimes you could still smell the blood. Another day was spent in your room pacing. by the fire your ladies sat sewing and talking quietly amongst themselves. The knife you used last night had been shut in a box thrown under the bed. Out of sight but not out of mind. Eventually staying in this room would drive you mad. Roana Hightower was summoned to follow you. passing by Aegon's chamber's you realized the door was open. 'Roana, stay outside I will be back soon.' The guards allowed you to pass. Going in and up the stairs you saw Aegon sitting in a chair. It seemed he had batted a jug of wine onto the ground. You pities him, vile as Aegon may be you grieved for his loss. Almost you apologized for his loss. But something lodged in your throat, you knew that no words could sooth his grief. And he would carry that grief until the day he died. Almost you considered it a kindness, better hard words then apologies that meant nothing in the end. Aegon did not even seem to care that you had practically just walked in without announcement. If he realized you were there Aegon gave no sign. Your mouth was dry, chest contracting painfully. Holding Aegon, in his current condition, may not be hard. In that moment you could have comforted him, convinced Aegon to stay back for the sake of his family, or what was left of it. Jaehaera and Maelor still lived and needed a father. Helaena needed comforting. As a person you had never really cared for Aegon, and what you heard was enough for any to condemn him. And he needed to go. So you convinced yourself that the world was better off with this man gone, which he would be soon. Ignoring that the true reason you would let him leave was that it was convenient. So you turned, and left.

You had gone to a window, giving you a view of the sky. On forty minutes later you was Sunfyre take to the sky, golden scales glittering in the sunlight. For a moment you were filled with deep regret. But that was forcefully squashed. You had to do this. When Sunfyre had disappeared into the distance you took some time walking back to your room. Dismissing you ladies, you collapsed onto the bed, eyes closed. Jenna's face came to find. Her thin finger pouring that poison down Owen's throat. Had Owen died quickly? Or was there a struggle. You prayed it was the former. The remainder of the day was spent laying in bed, looking at the canopy hanging overhead. Dreaded anticipation pulsed through you as every hour dragged past. Shadows advanced with the suns settings and you knew the event had already passed. Any moment ravens would arrive telling everyone that Rhaenys was dead and Aegon dying.

That night Alys entered your room through the door she alone used. 'Y/n, it is time.' When you saw another bunny in her hand, this one small and black, you recoiled. 'No I won't.' Alys set the bunny down on your vanity and walked right over. 'Do you want to live?' Of course you wanted to live, but that little quivering creature on your vanity looked so small, so delicate. Alys pulled out the knife, the same one that took your life. Words did not need to be said. Silently she was ordering you to take the knife. Cold, shaking hands gripped the knife from Alys's hand. Seizing the wrist, Alys held your arms still. Then she pulled you to your feet and over to the vanity. 'Steady.' And she let go of you, stepping back. The bunny's eyes blinked. The knife came down.

The bunny shuddered in Alys's lap, a thin trail of blood running down its body. Blood also ran down your hand as both the blood of an animal and yours mingled. Feeling a grim sense of satisfaction you watched the blood mingle. A copper scent was filling the room and you worried someone would smell it. When Alys told you to drink the mixture you pulled a face, but did it. You had done worse. The taste was revolting, made worse by the conscious knowledge that you were drinking blood. After setting down the bowl you could still taste it. Alys go up, the bunny oddly still in her arms. 'Now, see.'

Seeing through the eyes of the rabbit was strange to say the least. Taking over the rabbits mind but not feeling the body made you almost want to pull away. Commanding it was easy enough, but you had the feeling that this was unnatural, wrong. 'Will I be able to control the bunny without seeing him?' Alys nodded. 'I want to try something. How long will the spell last?' 'A day I believe.' You glanced towards the door. An idea that you had could now be put into action. A maiden serving Dowager Queen Alicent had little ability to pull off such plots. But a princess with the guards in her pay could do as she pleased. Tonight the guard had been dismissed. Your thoughts went to the guard who Cerilla had employed to spy on you. He was still in the employ, but you wanted revenge. Those who had cause you grief deserved nothing but the worse vengeance. And Cerilla deserved a comeuppance. Sitting in a chair you looked through a bunny's eyes. Alys and yourself sat in the room, on chairs, and your plan unfolded.

The bunny silently hopped through the hallway. You made sure it kept to the shadows, out of sight from occasional passers by. But it seemed to take forever on such legs. The shadows were nearly overwhelming and navigation turned out to be harder than anticipated. But finally you, or rather the bunny, arrived just outside of Cerilla's room. This was the reason you had not waited until late to carry out the plan. You knew, through some spying carried out by Mary, that Cerilla had her door slightly open to welcome in friends. When the bunny got onto her floor, you made sure it was positioned in the shadow. The guard at her door did not notice the bunny as it slipped in. Looking around, you saw Cerilla at her vanity brushing long red hair. Unconsciously your fingers flexed. Her neck was so thin. The bunny hopped to the side of her bed, out of sight. Cerilla owned several valuable things, including a necklace with her families crest. Often she showed it off a a beautiful example of metalwork. That is was, which meant it gave you great pleasure to take it. Carefully, the bunny leapt up and seized it by the dangling chain. The fur rug muffled it hitting the ground. Holding your breath, you made the bunny slowly make its way towards the door. Suddenly someone entered, the door flying open. In a panic the bunny scuttled under the bed. Someone had entered and was walking towards Cerilla. 'How are you?' It was Talia, Cerilla's little bitch of a spy. 'Horrid. Lady Jenna somehow knew I was spying on Y/n.' If you were not controlling the bunny you would have laughed. 'Do you think she found out?' Cerilla gave a derisive laugh. 'I would not put it past her. But Lady Jenna says she has not the wit. I must say I agree. And before you go feeling sorry for her, remember Y/n is a threat to my family. She would supplant my sister if she could as Lady of Highgarden.' 'How do you know she was conspiring?' 'Because...I mean you just have to look at her!' The audacity! Cerilla was the last person who could be in a position to accuse someone of conspiring. So indignant, everything began to swim before you. If felt like you were ascending to the surface of a large lake. But Cerilla's nauseating voice kept you from fully pulling away. 'Anyway, I have a plan to keep that woman in her place.' Your ears perked. 'Oh, what is it, do tell me!' The excitement in Talia's voice made you want to slap her right across the face. 'I have a spy, one of the guards. A new one of course. He guards Y/n's door every night and keeps me undated. You know that she has a new servant? Some strange woman from the Riverlands, I think. I while have to find out more, the two of them seem to be plotting.' 'Maybe if you catch her doing something and tell Lady Jenna you will be returned to favour!' The bed moved over your head. 'Hmmm, you know, that is not a bad idea!' The two of them gossiped about what you might be up to, not realizing that their "victim" was just under the bed. Something was buzzing in your ear, once again everything seemed to go fuzzy.

'You don't think an affair is going on?' Talia's question brought you back to reality. 'With who?' 'I dunno, may be the maid is helping. Could be bride her?' 'I can't. Lady Jenna has refused to give me substantial money to bride a servant, I am already paying for a spy. And I am not giving some servant my jewels.' Sulkily Cerilla proclaimed. 'I can lend some money! I doubt Y/n's new maids are devoted to her.' Ah, but that was where she was wrong. A young girl named Mary had been picked out for just such a task. Young, fresh faced, Mary would make a good spy. If they were to approach her, she could be your spy. You would have to find a way to put her on their path. This though had only just crossed your mind when Talia proclaimed exhaustion and wished Cerilla goodnight. You waited a few moments. Candles were blown out, the door closed, and you pulled out of the bunny's body.

You watched Mary curtsey before you. Sitting alone in a hard backed wooden carved chair you almost looked like a queen. Aquamarines gifted by Jaecerion glittered around your throat. 'I have a job for you, and if done well I will make sure you are properly compensated.' And then you gave orders. She was to allow herself to be a spy, reporting back to Cerilla about your "movements". In realiLy she was yours. But there was something you wanted her to do first. 'And I suggest you not tell anyone.'

Westeros was plunged into a civil war. Aegon was burned, as you knew, and Aemond made regent, as you also knew. As irksome as it was to see Ellyn as the courts leading lady at least everything was the same. Anything unexpected could put your plans into disarray. Now that you were aware of Cerilla's meddling the guards eyes on you felt obvious. But just because there was a war did not mean the court had lost its appetite for malice. A favourite enjoyment was naturally seeing those up high being brought low. Two days later a necklace that all knew belonged to Talia was found in the bed on a guard. The guard in question served Princess Y/n. Not much, other than the necklace, could be proven. But Talia's reputation was ruined, and she was forced to enclose herself in her lonely room. The guard in question was whipped and dismissed, you watched from a window the entire time. No one knew that a small mouse had crept to her room to steal a necklace, the same necklace found in the guards bed. Mary did give you a few odd looks in the following days. She knew something had happened, although she could not guess how. Quietly you watched Cerilla pace bad temperedly through the halls. A few people did give her looks, being such a close friend to Talia, a few would have questions. When Elinor asked why you were so happy, you simply replied; 'Don't worry about it'.

Your jubilation was interrupted by news from the Riverlands. Aemond had practically torched a good chunk of it. When you told Alys she turned her back to you. Revenge had given you a taste for more. Now you looked about for another to fall. There were no shortage of those you hated. Jenna was not an available target right now. Alys told you there were limits to how far a familiar could travel from their host. You had the idea to spy on Jenna through a bird. Alys shot down the idea immediately. For Cerilla you had something planned, she would have to wait. But there was another.

Gerald Swann was a cousin of Cerilla's. Ever since you had married Jaecerion he had made himself scarce. It had been the same back then too. Brave when it was jus one woman he was up against, but turned tail and ran when a greater challenge presented itself. If he thought you had forgotten any of it, from this life or the last, Gerald Swann was greatly mistaken. You swore that the would never be allowed to write songs calling you a whore again. At night you dreamed of breaking his finger, cutting off his tongue. You briefly considered pulling off the same stunt used on Talia. But that would be boring. Plus people might start asking questions. Then again the court always enjoyed malicious gossip, why speculate when there is such a good story? It was not like anyone cared about the truth when it came to you. You wanted his writing and singing to be his undoing. The exact tools he had used to humiliate you. Jaecerion had come back from another scouting mission when you met him in the courtyard. 'Y/n!' He swept you up in his arms. Running your hands through silver hair you could only feel immense satisfaction. You wasted no time in getting him inside. After he had bathed and ate, and sat down by the fire you unleashed the plan. 'Jaecerion, people have been talking about me.' That got his attention. ' What have they been saying?' The danger in his voice told you that his mark had been found. 'It is one of Cerilla's friends. Erald Swann he is often in King Aegon's company. His pention for singing has made him bold enough to sing about me.' Carefully you watched for and reaction. And by the Gods you got one. Jaecerion's eyes could have been daggers. His mouth twisted painfully. As you watched his face contort you prayed Jaecerion would never become your enemy. 'And the contents of these songs?' You paused for a moment. 'He calls me a whore, accuses me of bedding your brother.

Later on that day the whole keep would come to know Jaecerion's fury. After you had told him where to find the songs, which Gerald had so helpfully written down, Jaecerion took a group of guards and uprooted his room. Gerald had been dragged out kicking and screaming, Mary had told you later. Blood had been running down his face, an eye swollen. Your familiar abilities had helped you find the box of music lyrics, in the form of a mouse you found just what you wanted. Jaecerion had demanded retribution and Aemond had agreed to lock Gerald up. Not in the black cells as you had hoped, but still confined. But that did not mean you were done. You had dreamed of smashing the artist's hands so that he could never write again. Of course you could not do it, but others could. 'What if he writes more? Aemond will likely let him out soon.' Jaecerion had to leave again. He was not the only one. Aemond would soon be taking to the sky. In just a few more months Ellyn would go with him to. Would that give Jaecerion enough time to poison her? But one thing was for sure, Gerald would be dealt with now. 'He will not be writing any time soon.' Jaecerion took your hand in his, a quick kiss to your fingertips. 'Can you be sure? I am not saying to act immediately, but could we not do something.' Jaecerion seemed to think for a moment. 'I think there is something I can do.'

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You had completely forgotten about Alys's son. Aemonds son. A small tuft of white hair was on his head, sharp eyes looking out at you. 'Leave us.' The servant left. Once the door was closed you stood up. 'I suppose you expected this.' Awkwardly you thought of what to say next. You had forgotten how intimidating she could be. 'I must say I was expecting you to summon me sooner.' 'Wasn't able to earlier. Will you sit?' Alys adjusted the baby and sat in a chair opposite from you. 'I forgot you had a son. Will be need a wet nurse?' Alys shook her head. 'I can feed him myself.' Oh, that was right. Alys had been a wet nurse at Harenhall. The baby stirred and you thought of Owen. he would be a little older than this boy had Jenna not killed him. 'I need you to teach me magic.' Alys looked unsurprised. 'About time you asked me.' Feeling unsettled by her knowledge of your desires, you briefly wondered if this was a good idea. 'I do not have much of a choice.' You thought. Alys's green eyes staired deep into yours. 'Yes. I will teach you magic.

Sitting by your vanity in the dying candle light, feeling a headache coming on, you were scared. Alys had already gone to her allotted rooms. Blood was rushing to your ears, warmth spreading down a cold back. You felt sick. All night you sat there until the sun peaked over the horizon and you slipped into bed. After only a few hours of bed you were woken up. Groggily you stumbled over to the tub and relaxed in its warm water. By now the sun was fully in the sky. Dismissing your ladies, you summoned Alys. Sitting opposite from you, she looked to be analyzing you. "Are you prepared for the price?" Your thumb anxiously rubbed against the chair. "What is the price? My soul." "Perhaps. That would depend on how you use it." Alys's eyes were a bright green. "What price did you pay?" You were curious to know. Alys looked away. "That is something only I can know. Maybe you will find out." Impatient you stood up. "Very well. How do we start." Alys too stood up. "You will write nothing down, everything must be consigned to memory. And do not leave out anything suspect. I will teach you to do down your enemies, you will become powerful. But the path there is treacherous." You looked her in the eye. "I am ready."

Alys lead you over to the fireplace. "Do you know who can do magic?" You shook your head. "In truth most can do some sort of magic, although not everyone is equal to adaption. But there are certain bloodlines that have a unique relationship to the other world. Targaryen's are one such family. Their ancestors delved so deeply into magic one might not truly consider them human. And then there is your family." "Sorry, my family?" A smile danced on her lips. "Yes Y/n, your family. I knew your mother. In those days I was a chambermaid in the service of her father. I singled her out, for her abilities promised much. And those have passed on to you, her only child." Your hands shook. So much was suddenly explained. The tree, those dreams. It had all been because you were Amelia Tarley's daughter. Rarely had you given any though to your maternal side. There and their people were strangers to you.

No longer able to meet her bright eyes you looked away into the cool shadows. Your head ached and the desire to lay down was strong. "I do not wish to hear anymore." The past was best left where it was. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see Alys looking dissatisfied. Head throbbing, you dismissed her. And when Alys had gone to her chamber you sat there nearly overwhelmed by the pain in your head.

Your prize had been won. Next to you slept Jaecerion, one arms curled around your cold body. No matter which way you twisted and turned you could not seem to get warm. The wedding ring glinted on your finger like an eye in the firelight. "Be happy, your plan has worked so far." Aegon would have to go next. Meeting Rhaenys in the sky she would burn him and Aemond would be regent. Ellyn being wife to the regent irritated you, but it was a necessary trial. Besides, she would not last long anyway. Jaecerion would no doubt poison her soon enough. Aemond would die too, and at that thought you paused. Could you go through with it? Those days in the tower mourning Aemond's loss had been dark ones. Their memory, and the past you shared with him, haunted you. With mounting dread, you realized that a small part of you, that tiny traitorous part of you, still held onto the past.

During the days leading up to Aegon's maiming you shut yourself up in the room. Nervously you maids and servants watched as their princess paced back and forth. You would walk from one corner of the room to the other, pause, and walk back. With each movement the luxurious gowns you now wore dragged against the floor. Everything was creeping closer. Daemon had taken Harrenhal. Aegon, reeling from the death of his son, was starting to make you feel sorry for him. In your past life you had hardly considered Aegon, only Helaena and her grief. He had lost his child, his son. Your only belly ached and Owen's lifeless body loomed out from the darkness. So you avoided Aegon as much as possible. And as fear, grief and anger mounted you waited like an animal ready to pounce.

"Where is my necklace?" Storming around the chamber you nearly upturned every box in search of some necklace you had never cared about till now. Frantically everyone was looking for it. You took some joy in watching Jenna's spies twittering about like birds looking for your necklace. Eventually the search turned up nothing. Forcing on a frown you slumped into a chair. "Has anyone been in this room?" Everyone looked to one another before replying that no one but themselves had been in. You ordered a search of their room, and as expected nothing turned up. While all this was happening you looked to the younger servants. You questioned their backgrounds and whether they had families. One of the girls was fifteen with the look of ambition about her. Mary was from Fleebottom and had worked her way up from the slums to here. She was young and intelligent, perhaps ambitious? At night after you had dismissed everyone else Mary was summoned. 'How old are you?' Sitting in you chair, Mary stood before, hands clasped. 'Five and ten, Princess.' 'Family?' 'None.' That was good. 'Would you be willing to move into the palace. It was not truly a request, but it was best if it sounded as such. Mary's eyes lit up. 'I would.' Your hands clenched at the chair in an attempt to hide you excitement. Mary was not the only maid you had live close to your quarters. Others joined, but this was just a cover up. Mary alone could be your accomplice. Besides, everyone else was so busy with the war that your actions paled in comparison. Over the next few days Jaecerion was hardly at King's Landing. Aegon had sent him to Casterly Rock. Anxiously you would wait each time he left. Realistically there was no reason for you to worry about Jenna poisoning him. But it did not stop you stomach from tying itself in knots. When he was gone you wondered what it was like at Casterly Rock without you there. You could not say you missed that place, but it had been home for a while, and if the Gods had been good it would have been your sons. Owen, in another life, might have been Lord of Casterly Rock. Your womb clenched painfully. Worse part, he was lost from you forever. But what if you had married Jason? Would Owen have come back to you. Sitting down, alone in the room, you would cry.

Everything when as it did last time. Harrenhal was taken, much to the shock of many. Aemond set fire to the Riverlands. Day by day everything came up to the day that Aegon would be burned. Better yet, Ellyn would then leave for Harrenhal, may the Gods take her. You did wonder if Jaecerion would poison Ellyn this time. Scenarios played in your mind as to what would happen if Ellyn survived Aemond. And if Jaecerion survived then you could be Queen. The idea was absolutely delicious. Aemond would have to die for that to happen. nervously you would pace your room. You remembered hearing of his death. Somehow it still hurt. 'My Lady!' Darana Cole rushed to your side, placing a bowl to catch the vomit. Collapsing onto the bed you ignored the fussing of your ladies. They gave you some hard smelling mint drink that nearly made you gag again. The rancid taste stayed on you tongue. 'My Lady, forgive me, do you think you are with child.' Shaking your head you stood up on shaky feet. You could not tell anyone the truth.

You listened to any information about the ongoing war. Every day news came in from all over Westeros. Those who did not have knowledge of the future could not tell which way the war would go. You sat still and let everything happen. News of the death roll would make your stomach ache terribly. 'There's nothing you can do." Was all you could say. But a small part of you was not convinced. Could you do nothing? Or was it because you did not want to do anything? You did not dare look outside onto the streets of King's Landing. On the day that Aegon had the rat catchers killed the wails of their mothers and children could be heard. Up in your room you stood by the window, not wanting to hear but listening. They had lost their fathers, brothers and sons, never to see them again. In moments like these the scars on your wrists throbbed painfully. A miracle honestly they did not split open and bleed. 'That is normal with such magic. It is an old sort, goes back further than you can imagine.' Alys had told you. These days you hardly got any sleep. After everyone else had gone Alys would slip into your room and teach you magic. Much of it was reading and far more than a few words. 'It is not enough to say the words. You must truly understand what it is you want. You are descended from men in the northern swamps. Long ago there was a group of crannogmen who wove their blood into the Weirwood trees. That magic runs in you veins. This will mean some of what we do is experimental. My magic also runs through Weirwood trees.' 'Then how are we different?' 'You can control through blood, I control through dreams. Do you know what a greenseer is? That is good. Think of me as something similar to that.' 'Did you inherit yours? What about family?' Alys turned her back to you. 'I too inherited my abilities. As for any family they are long gone. Centuries if you want me to be specific. Not everyone needs to have a magic to do magic. But for the type you and I do, yes. Now today I want to teach you familiarity.' 'You mean get myself a familiar?' You had heard of the concept. Witches who took on animals as companions. In the stories you read they spied on their mistresses enemies and helped their devious plans. 'Not quite what you are thinking. Familiarity is when you mingle you blood with that of an animal and for several hours the animal will be at your complete bidding.' That sounded interesting. Animals were not hard to come by and there where plenty of uses for that ability. You thoughts were stopped when a cry from upstairs echoed down the staircase. Aeron was wailing. 'Your son.' Dismissing Alys, you wanted her to shut the child up soon as possible. With her gone you slammed the door shut and crashed into the bed. Tears forced themselves out and you cried silently into the night.

You were sore the next morning. Alys drew you a bath which helped to dissolve the discomfort. However badly you wanted Alys to send Aeron away that sounded too cruel. She might even think you still held feelings for Aemond and were jealous. Two years ago you would have burned up with jealousy. Now it was no because Aeron was Aemond's son, but because the cry of a baby pierced your heart. Alys kept her son quiet for the most part. That day you reevaluated your plan. But it was risky and honestly not an intelligent one. In the dark something new had taken shape, something to make you very, very excited. That night you met up with Alys once more. With her was a snow white bunny, its red eyes unsettling you ever so slightly. the pair of you poured over the old manuscripts she brought. 'Will it hurt?' Alys raised an eyebrow. 'Not me. The bunny." Alys laughed. 'Of course it will. But if your careful it won't die.' The pulled out a knife. 'Get that thing away from me!' You recognized the knife. Last time you had seen this knife Alys had been wielding it, its cold blade plunged into your heart. You were no going to use that knife. Alys set the bunny down on your vanity. Nervously the delicate creature squirmed, anticipating that something would happen. Laying a hand you could feel its soft fur and frantically beating heart. When Alys handed you the dagger you pushed it away. 'Go get mine, its on the night table.' Alys put her knife back in its sheath and picked up yours. 'Do not bring that knife out again.' With a shacking hand you held the knife. The bunny squirmed. A flash of silver and the knife came down. Red blood poured down the blade, staining your hand. Flowing, staining the struggling bunny's white fur, you realized to your horror the cut was to deep. 'How do I stop it!?' Alys came forward, attempting to step the flow. It was no use. Despite the attempts to save the little creatures life soon the bunny lay dead in your bloodstained hands. Red eyes stared out unblinkingly. 'Your hands shook. Wash your hands and go to sleep. We continue this tomorrow.' Without a word of protest you washed bloody hands in a bowl of water. Alys dumped it out before giving you a cup of green liquid. It looked like tea but there was something pungent about its smell. Knowing that sleep would be impossible otherwise you drank it. Exhaustion took over and Alys tucked you into bed. The last thing you saw was the dead bunny in Alys's arms, red blood dripping onto the ground.

Note: Shorter chapter than usual but I wanted to give you guys something. I took a bit of a break from writing but I should have more time to write now.

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The first thing you were aware of was Jaecerion's warmth, and the sunlight seeping through a window. With some effort you arose from the cozy bed and Jaecerion's chest. For a few moments you gazed down at your lover, and future husband. His silver hair lay spread out of the pillow. An artist walking in might be tempted to paint him. Jaecerion was so very beautiful, more lovely than any woman, including yourself. And he had chosen you as his princess. Unknown to everyone else you were no virgin. You knew what it was like to have a man inside, to arouse his desire. What was new was the elation you had experienced. No man had ever touched you the way he did. His lips had been on places you had not dared dream of. Naked in the sheets you luxuriated over this euphoria and great fortune. Your hair was toweled by last night lovemaking. Jason Lannister had never shown you such affection in bed. At the time you had not realized it. Only that passionate night before the fireplace had he inspired you to lust. Yet it was nothing compared to this. Every other touch paled in comparison to his.

The bells tolled as the citizens of Kings Landing stirred awake. Still naked you got up and padded across the floor. Through the heavy curtains you could see the sun above. Last night you faced no nightmares. When was the last time you slept so well? Jaecerion stirred and you looked over. Silver hair moved across the silk pillow as Jaecerion woke up. Quietly you approached him. Opening his eyes Jaecerion took in your unclothed form. A small smile appeared on the handsome face. Bringing his face close you kissed him deeply. 'I trust last night was to your satisfaction.' Giggling, you leapt into his arms. 'More than.' Pulling you into the sheets Jaecerion kissed your brown, nose, then soft lips. Spreading your legs he bent down and kissed tender, sensitive breasts. The strong unfamiliar joy seeping into your skin threatened to be addictive. Never did you assumed bedding Jaecerion as anything unpleasant, but you had not assumed it would be this joyful.

He had you again until the both of you collapsed back onto the bed. Even then he could not seem to keep his hands off you. For a time the pair of you simply touched each other. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and a voice called out. Alarmed, the pair of you bolted up. Jaecerion called out 'Who goes there?'. 'The council wishes to speak to you.' A voice called back. 'I will be there. Send for Davis.' Footsteps retreated. 'We best get up. Davis will come dress me and I recon Elinor will be missing you.' Hurriedly you dressed. Just as you were about to go Jaecerion pulled you into a kiss. 'Go my love. You will be sent for.' 'When shall we be married?' You asked. 'Tonight.'

It had been too late. Had you done this a day later then everything would have gone according to plan. It seemed that since Ellyn's attack they were eager for you to be married off. You had stumbled into your bedroom where an irate Elinor berated you for sneaking off. One look at your appearance and she knew what was up. 'Are you mad! Do you realized what would happen if anyone found out! Especially in your situation!' She did not have much time to rail against you. A messenger arrived with a word that Otto was summoning you. Hurriedly you were dressed by a still angry Elinor. While this was going on you realized there was no blood between your legs. Why was that? Had your wall remain broken? All your other wounds save those on your wrists were gone. Not that you had much time to ponder on this. Dressed in green you were whisked off the Otto's study. Unlike in your last life Ellyn was not there. Only Aemond, Alicent, Otto and Jaecerion. Your eyes met Jaecerion and everything suddenly became clear. No, this could not be happening yet. There were still a few more days! The scar on your arm throbbed. The last thing you wanted was to sit down and pretend at being calm. Wanting to bolt out you tried not to run, despite how strong the desire was. Making a quick curtsey you sat down, hands clasped to the point of pain.

'Lady Y/n.' Alicent sat straight up in her chair. All their eyes on you was unsettling, like this was a trial. Feeling condemned you could only wait and see what would happen. Jaecerion's jaw was set in a fashion that did nothing to persuade you everything was well. The dull throbbing between your legs increased in intensity. Did they know? Your gamble may have been a great mistake. Jaecerion's feelings may not be so strong after all. Your left hand twitched, wanting to cover your mouth. That too was suppressed with great difficulty. 'It is time you were married.' The momentary relief was dissipated when your thoughts went to Jason. Marriage to him would spell your death, so you thought. Why had the proposal been pushed forward so quickly? Your plan had been so close, Jaecerion was going to marry you tonight. Everything seemed to spin before you. Everything was becoming undone!

Seizing yourself you were resolved to remain calm. If you were truly set on this plan then all obstacles in your path must be obliterated. All you needed to do was marry Jaecaerion tonight. You looked to Jaecerion who was looking somewhere over your head. A sudden horrified thought came to you. What if he did believe you wanted to marry Jason? You needed to find some way of letting him know this marriage must go ahead. 'Who would you have me marry?' A mask of serenity on your face you benignly smiled at Alicent. 'Lord Jason Lannister of Casterly Rock.' Alicent paused before adding 'It will make you Lady of Casterly Rock' she said as one offering something sweet to a child. At one time this might have been a terrifying yet exciting prospect. Dread bloomed inside you like a poisonous flower. Hands clasped together you tried to think of what to say. 'I am honored. May I have time to think?' Skeptically Alicent and Otto looked at each other. Otto cleared his throat. 'Lady Y/n, this is quite important.' 'I know My Lord. May Someone come to me at the hour of the bat, I shall give my answer then.' Otto and Alicent did not look happy. Yet still they gave you leave. 'We shall come to you at that hour.' Otto's voice gave you no doubt that only one answer would be accepted. Quickly you dared to look at Jaecerion, praying he would read between the lines.

You did not tell Elinor anything about that days events. Claiming exhaustion you sent her away claiming exhaustion. Laying in bed you waited a few moments only in a nightgown. After a short period of time had passed you shot up and grabbed a dark green dress. This was nothing like the ornate red dress with gold embellishments worn during your marriage ceremony to Jason Lannister. In all fairness this one was night. Made of a dark green silk and flaring out to the floor this dress was quite fine. Besides, as princess you would wear fine dresses every other day. The only piece of jewelry you considered bringing was a mans golden ring. Hopefully this would suffice.

As the moon rose higher and higher you anxiously waited. What if Jaecerion did not come? If Alicent and Otto came in they would wonder why you were wearing such a dress today. Unable to remain still you wandered about your room. Trying to remain calm you took in deep breaths. A knock sounded at the door. Alarmed, you cried out 'Who is there!'. 'It is Prince Jaecerion, My Lady.' You could have cried out with relief. Dashing to the door you flung it open. Jaecerion was there, dressed in a deep green and a smile. Without caring, you launched yourself into his arms pressing kisses to Jaecerion's beautiful face. 'Jaecerion. I was so worried!' It did not matter that the guard was looking. After today you will have won. Once broken apart Jaecerion took you by the hand pressing a kiss to shaking fingertips. 'We must go.' Jaecerion threw a cloak around your shoulders and the pair of you were off. Hurrying down the hall Jaecerion looked around cautiously. 'I have horses waiting for us in the stables. We will go to a small sept down the road. Say nothing, absolutely nothing.'

The pair of you were nearly at the bottom floor when someone was in the way. At the bottom of a flight of stairs was the one person you dreaded running into. Cerilla was still dressed up for the day. Why she was skulking about this late at night you did not know. Jaecerion's grip tightened on your hand. Thankfully the hood hid your face. Jaecerion had thought ahead when he brought a cloak for you. Cerilla would have recognized you otherwise. 'Who is this, My Prince?' Her eyes lit up eagerly. 'A girl brought in for my pleasure. I would rather not have my mother know of this.' Had Cerilla been paying attention then she might have wondered why he was telling her this. It seemed Cerilla was too caught up in her excitement. Seeming satisfied, Cerilla gave a curtsey and hurried off. 'She didn't recognize you?' Jaecerion whispered, watching Cerilla's retreating figure. 'I don't think so. But we must hurry.' A short time later you were helped onto a horse. Jaecerion taking the lead you trotted down a pathway. 'It is better that we do not marry in the castle chapel. They could run to my mother and brother.' Instead Jaecerion would lead you to a sept that was used by those well born, but not royalty. Made of white stone topped with a dome this sept looked over passers by. A metal door bearing the Seven Pointed Star was opened when the pair of you got off the horses and Jaecerion knocked. A smaller door, made into the larger one opened and a white face peered out. The mans face whitened in alarm. 'My Prince.' He gasped out. 'Open the door.' The man dared not disobey. It swung open Jaecerion pulled you in afterwards. Inside was a room with seven walls all lined with tapestries. Only the seventh wall had nothing adorning it.

'What can we do for you?' He man warily look from Jaecerion to you. 'I wish to marry this woman.' At that the man looked sick. 'My-I', afraid we can not.' 'No? And why is that.' Jaecerion let go of your hand. 'This must be brought to your brother the king first. It is not in our power to do otherwise.' Jaecerion chuckled and cold shivers ran down your back. 'Let me say this, I am not asking.' The man took a step back. 'But-' He let out a squeak when Jaecerion took him by the shoulder. 'Septon, I suggest that you obey my orders. my brother will not look kindly on you otherwise. You did not like the tone in his voice. There was something dangerous in it. 'My Prince I-oh!' Jaecerion produced a dagger. Even you gasped as he brought it to the septon's neck. The man squeaked and you surprised the urge to defend him. 'I need to do this.' You thought. There was no turning back now. The septon finally relented. Not even putting away the dagger Jaecerion seized your hand. Following the septon through a small door, you were in a small room, bare save a small table and ornate window. The Maiden, Mother and Crown were all holding hands. Shaking, the septon picked up the book. 'Who is this woman with you?' Removing your head you said 'Lady Y/n of House Tyrell.' And then the pair of you were facing one another. He said the vows. Instead of exchanging your cloak for the Targaryen sigil Jaecerion slid on a small golden one. You nearly gasped, two dragons intertwined around a ruby. 'Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am theirs and they are mine. From that day until the end of my days.' Your alliance was proclaimed with a kiss.

A side door opened up onto a small room. A four poster bed ladened with soft sheets smelling of lavender awaited you. Despite its size the room was cozy. Only a crackling fire gave light. The door closed behind you with a bang. A "thud" sounded behind you and Jaecerion took you by the hand. The ruby in your ring glistened in the firelight. Kissing you, Jaecerion started to undo the back of your dress. 'You look beautiful.' The first layer of your dress fell to the ground. Your hands went to the silver buttons on his coat and soon the pair of you were unclothed. His eyes looked over your body, Jaecerion took you by the waist. Soon both of you were on the bed and he was inside you. It still felt strange. Laying with Jason Lannister had never felt like this. Something savage sprung within you, something that desired, something that wanted to posses. Nails digging into Jaecerion's back, head flung back, you felt reborn. In the fire, sweat and rage you had transformed into something else. Opening your eyes after it was done you lay there panting. Feeling Jaecerion next to you, you rolled over and placed a hand over his heart. 'When will you tell them?' Jaecerion brought you closer to him. 'Tomorrow. You are My Princess, and everyone will know it.'

The next morning Jaecerion acted as the maid, dressing you quickly. Both of you were out of the sept shortly before dawn. 'Stay in your room until summoned.' And he was gone. Shaking with adrenaline you took off the dress and put the nightgown back on . No one could know until Jaecerion told his family. You could hardly believe what you had done. Despite the effort you had taken to hide your nightly excursion you did not take off the ring. It truly was suited for a princess. Tracing the edges you realized what being a princess would mean. You would be part of the royal family. If Aegon still went against Rhaenys in this life then Aemond would be regent. This would put your husband one step closer to the throne. Could you be queen? Then you realized that all the men, Aegon, Aemond and Maelor would have to die. Despite the bitterness in your heart you did not want Aemond or Aegon to die, and Maelor was an innocent. No. Being queen was not the point. All you wanted was revenge. You thought about all that had changed. Would Aegon and Maelor still die? Would Aemond become king? You would be dead before Ellyn would be queen. Jaecerion might already consider killing her.

When the bell tolled Elinor came rushing in. 'Y/n you need to get up. The Queen Dowager wants to speak with you.' Jaecerion had been busy indeed. You had thought there would be a little more time. Well, you had come this far. Following Elinor through the halls you steeled your nerves. Everything was quiet save the footsteps echoing off stone. Mostly servants were awake at this time. Birds twittered in the cool morning air. A light gold was making itself known over the Red Keep. The journey seemed to take forever, every step seemingly slowing down time. Eventually you got to the doors. Many times you had stood at the entrance to Alicent's rooms. Never before had you stood before these doors and felt so anxious. The worst part was that you did not know what to say. Who could say what Alicent would think. You were good enough for the Lord of Casterly Rock, but she might think very different about you marrying a prince. 'Remember, are a daughter of House Tyrell. If Alicent can marry the king then I could marry a prince.' The doors opened and you walked in.

It was not just Alicent who was waiting for you, but Otto, Aegon, Jaecerion, Aemond and Grand Maester Orwyle. Otto and Alicent had stony looks on their face, sitting in condemnation. Aegon did not seem to be wholly there, more focused on the goblet of wine in his hand. Orwyle looked done. You could not even bring yourself to look at Aemond and Jaecerion. 'Lady Y/n, my grandson tells me of some plan, that you two should marry.' The look on Otto's face made you want to disappear right then and there. 'We are married, My Lord.' 'Oh?' Otto raised an eyebrow. 'And have you bedded him?' Both Alicent and Aemond suddenly found their shoes very interesting. Even you felt hot around the collar. Otto walked towards his daughter. 'Do not mistaken my meaning. While you are a worthy match for a prince there is the matter of Jason Lannister. You do realize he will be put off?' 'My apologies, My Lord. We had made a promise to marry one another, a pre contract if you will, and consummated it. Under those circumstances I felt it dishonorable to marry the Lord Jason. If you will I can write to him with my sincerest apologies. I beg of you to forgive my deception, although I did not mean it.' With a chasten look upon the face, which you did not mean, you awaited an answer.

'I had not expected for this to happen. The pair of you married without the consent of the crown. We have decided this marriage must go ahead. We must not tell Jason Lannister that you knew of his intentions, less he feel slighted. We will say that the pair of you married before his suit was pressed. Do you understand? Good. The Lord of Casterly Rock will be compensated. A fine will be levied on both you and the prince. Jaecerion, stand here.' Alicent pointed next to you. In a moment Jaecerion was next to you. gently his hand touched yours. 'No one is to talk of how this happened. I do not want rumors of loose behavior, especially during these times. Do the pair of you understand.' Both you and Jaecerion paid your respects to Alicent and Otto. As you arose, you realized something. 'I've won.'

'Y/n I am absolutely furious with you.' And she was. Incensed, Elinor could not believe that you had so suddenly gotten married. 'It could have gone so very wrong. Y/n what were you thinking?!' But you were elated. Everything had worked out better than you had hoped. You were married to Jaecerion. Today everything would proceed as normal until they announced your union. Until then you had to pretend. Fine, that could be done. The golden ring Jaecerion had given you glittered on a chain. For the meantime you would keep it hidden until until then. There was still a small voice in your head, telling you that this was all doomed to fail. Such thoughts must be pushed down. Right now there was nothing you could do except wait. Sitting by Alicent's side in her chambers, as the hours went by, you waited in anticipation. Alicent had ordered you attend her that day. All all of Alicent's ladies came into her apartments, sewing and chatting quietly. A hush had descended over King's Landing as it held its breath. Everyone knew blood would run and lives would be lost. Last time you had been far from everything, but now you realized that would change. So absorbed you had been in your own issues that the wider conflict had shrunk. Rhaenyra would sack King's Landing. She might not have a burning hatred for you in this life, yet she was unlikely to be merciful. You had heard the rumors of what she did. No wonder she had been called Rhaenyra the Cruel.

'I will go to my room.' Alicent looked around. 'Yes, I think that will be best.' With a curtsey you were speeding off. Counting on Elinor being there you practically flew inside. Elinor, who had not been expecting you, jumped back in alarm. Rummaging through the drawer you pulled out parchment, quill and inc. 'Elinor, I need you to have this sent to Jenna Tyrell.' Frantically you scrawled down words. It did not have to be anything eloquent, just to the point.

Lady Jenna of House Tyrell,

It is with joy that I must tell you I am married to Prince Jaecerion of House Targaryen. Although I recon this will come as shock, I can assure you this marriage is legitimate. I hope to hear from your soon.

With the highest regards,

Princess Y/n Targaryen

Princess. For the first time you signed yourself as you were. Lady Y/n Tyrell was dead. Roses would be replaced with red dragons, your motto now Fire and Blood. Elinor was sent on her way with a command to hurry with haste. The guard Cerilla hired was still there, he would be gone soon. Now alone you rummaged through your dresses before landing on one. A deep red with sleeves nearly sweeping to the floor, a perfect for a princess. It did not have very many ornaments, only some golden embroidery around the waist. But upon wearing it there was a sense of authority this dress imposed. Given to you a while ago, it had always felt a bit too daring to wear, too provocative. Well, you had done much worse than wear a dress over the past two years. When Elinor came back she practically gaped at the dress. Quickly she did your hair, something simple yet elegant.

The next hour passed in anticipated waiting. Soon someone would be sent to collect you. You were aware of how the wind picked up outside. A few birds were twittering outside frantically. You wondered if you could already tell winter was coming. Jaecerion's ring now glittered on your finger. Elinor read aloud, you weren't paying attention. When there was a knock you nearly threw up. Ser Arryk and six guards awaited you. 'My lady, we are here to take you to the great hall.' You nearly corrected him that it was now "Princess". But you supposed it was not official yet. Walking beside Ser Arryk you made sure not to shake. At least Elinor was with you. Arrival was far too soon. Taken to a small door to the Iron Throne's right you were ordered to wait.

'We are pleased to announce the marriage between my brother Jaecerion-Prince Jaecerion- and the Lady Y/n.' Someone whispered 'Open' and the door swung open. Like an actor in a play you made your entrance onto the stage. All eyes were on you, passing in front of the throne. Jaecerion was standing right there, waiting for you. Taking your hand he pulled you in front of the court. You could feel all their eyes on you, like small daggers poised. Facing them, you looked at each and everyone of them, your enemies. In the crowd you could see the faces of Cerilla and her friends. Horror was dawning on their faces. Your smile dripping with poison.

You were married to Jaecerion for a second time in a rushed hurry of arraignments. The High Septon had to give his approval for an nuptial that normally would take months. Under different circumstances this would have involved the King, his council and the delegation of House Hightower. That would all have to be taken care of afterwards. It was a rushed ceremony with only the most important members of the court. Dressed in red you were given the Cloak of Protection and became a Targaryen. A short dinner was provide before the bedding ceremony, for propriety's sake. Beforehand, however, you were given four ladies, hurriedly procured to serve the new princess. Then at the end of a procession you were to leave for the bedding ceremony. Just before exiting the Great Hall, you turned. The remaining royal family was also leaving. Ellyn in particular looked ready to flee. During the announcement you had not been able to see her face. Yet you had the particular satisfaction of seeing her face during the celebration. Ellyn's face was a mixture of mute fury and alarm. Ellyn would have to be careful with her words in the future. As a fellow princess married into the royal family you were now nearly equal to her. 'Princess Ellyn, will you be coming with us. I did accompany you during your own bedding ceremony.' The ladies stared, eyes either on Ellyn or yourself. Ellyn's hand twitched, sharp fingernails grasping at her yellow dress. 'Ah, yes, my good-sister do accompany your new sister.' Aegon seemed completely oblivious to what was going on. Alicent and Otto exchanged glances. Before they could say anything you turned and headed out.

This was the exact same chamber in which Ellyn forced you to undress her. Ellyn did not assist in undressing you. While back then you had been far inferior to her, you were in no position to torment her as she had you. Fury scratched at you. That would change. One day Ellyn world be made to feel small, insignificant. Just as you had been made to feel. When dressed in a nightgown embroidered with lilies you ordered all of them out, except Ellyn. 'My good-sister, a word?' Her ladies stopped and looked to her. Immediately you turned on them. 'Get out.' It was only with Ellyn's dismissal that they left. You would remember their faces. Standing tall, Ellyn walked towards you. Standing just inches apart the pair of you sized one another intently. 'I suppose my suspicions were correct. You are a whore.' Ellyn looked at you with those imperious, cold blue eyes. 'You are indeed right.' That was not the answer Ellyn was expecting. Like a snake you struck. Hands flew out seizing Ellyn by the forearms. Instead of crying out Ellyn let out a gasp, words clearly beyond her. 'I did lay with Aemond. I took his first time, you know. And perhaps we still do.' Ellyn looked likely to faint. 'Liar.' Yet Ellyn's word held little conviction. 'Oh really? Can you be sure Aemond was telling the truth? No, I know you don't believe him.' The lie tasted sweet, better than if it had been the truth. On the other side it sounded as if they would soon be ready for you. 'And you are absolutely right about another thing.' You leaned in so quickly that had someone walked in they would have thought you were giving her a kiss on the cheek. 'I have absolutely set out to destroy you.'

'And you will meet with the delegation from Highgarden?' Jaecerion and yourself lay tangled within one another on the bed. Like a great cat you lay on him, playing with the ends of his silver hair. 'Of course my love.' He kissed the ruby glittering within the golden wedding ring. Jaecerion's own wedding ring was a plain golden one. Having so little time to prepare for the wedding you had not the time to get him something finer. That could easily be rectified. Today you would commission a better one. One that did not have flowers on it.

You could not spend all day laying in bed. Now that this objective had been obtained, there came to next part of your plan. All sorts of resources were now available. Getting Alys was your next task. You would have Alys come to Kings Landing to teach you magic, a room is she is willing, a cell if she is not. Although you hoped it would not come to that. Only how would you explain this to your husband? This was not a task you could do alone. Harrenhall had already been taken by Daemon, otherwise you could have sent a group of knights to take her. There was only one solution, send her a letter. You would send a letter to Alys asking her to come to Kings Landing. There she would meet you at a designated place before being snuck inside. Alys may chose to ignore you, sadly there was nothing else for it. Thank the Gods Alys was in charge of the ravens at Harrenhal.

New rooms next to Jaecerion were provided for you. The last resident of these rooms had been Princess Alyssa Targaryen, late mother of late King Viserys and Daemon. Ever since her death the room had been abandoned. Once the main residential floor of the royal family had been full of princes and princesses. Those days were long past and now you lived where they once did. 'She died in these rooms.' You though, pacing around the oak bed. They had been sure to replace the bed hangings and bedding. Tapestries decades old and rugs faded still decorated this room. With the funds you now processed new ones could be gotten. As a princess you would need ladies and more servants. Elinor would naturally stay, and you saw no point in switching out your laundress and the two that cleaned your room. Four ladies from prominent families were presented. Alicent, whether for your sake or her own, had Catrina Lannister come into your service. Was she a spy? Catrina had always been kind to you, being around Alicent's age. Who could say if it was genuine. The other three you did not know well. Darana Cole, Felice Reyne and Roana Hightower. Darana and Roana you were suspicious of. A Cole, Roana may be a spy of Alicent. Roana was a Hightower, you suspected her a weed planted by Jenna. Speaking of Jenna, you had been surprised by her reaching. Instead of scolding or prompting, Jenna simply wished you well and left it at that. She was up to something, likely rethinking her plans. A spy would be needed. In times of peace that could easily to achieved. War would make this task quite difficult. But you were resourceful.

The Riverlands were in flames. Aemond had let loose his beast on the lords who supported Rhaenyra. You already knew this would happen. Still, the details were not pleasant to hear about. Already you had accepted that this was who Aemond was. You wondered if he ever felt any guilt, if it kept him awake at night. There was no one to talk to about this because Jacaerion was dealing with Highgarden and its lesser houses. Anxiously you waited for him to return. Realistically you knew your husband would return, but deep down you feared Jenna would somehow harm Jaecerion. Waiting was the worst part, when there was nothing more you could do. Using Jaecerion's servants you had a room prepared, one out of the way. Sworn to secrecy you would say nothing. Jaecerion had two servants close to his confidence. A young man with dark hair from the north, and a rather short pretty woman who use to work in Flea Bottom. They alone were trusted with this task. The good think about the keep was that there were a good many hiding places.

Given your status certain duties were now expected. During war any good female member of the royal family would be expected to put on a strong front. Sewing, giving alms to the poor, putting on a display of bravery and anything that could provide moral support. While Alicent was busy with the council you were forced to endure being in the same presence as Ellyn. You on one side, she on the other, and the other ladies nervously carrying on their tasks. 'I can do this.' Given everything you had done over the past few weeks this should be nothing. Anyway, one day you would avenge yourself upon her.

She had come. Jaecerion's male servant had been keeping an eye on the special place when he spotted Alys. When he whispered this information into your ear as you sat at the vanity there was elation. Everything was working out better than hoped for. 'Send her in.' The servant bowed and Alys walked through the door, connected to a hidden passage. Only it was not just Alys, but a baby in her arms.

Notes:

As to the matter of a pre contract that was actually something practiced in Tudor England. A pre contract was considered binding if consummated. This in itself would not have made Otto and Alicent accept the marriage. There are mainly two reasons, firstly that being that the reader is of a good enough lineage and they want to keep the Tyrell's in alliance. Secondly, they can not deal with scandal and Jaecerion would kick up a fuss.

Under normal circumstances the reader and Jaecerion's marriage could have been dissolved due to politics. There are three reasons Y/n was able to make this marriage. Firstly, the royal family can not afford a scandal right now. Two, they need Jaecerion's cooperation and can not afford to punish him. Three, Aegon dosen't give a damn, and he's the king.

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'Did you hear about Talia?' They were whispering over needle work. While present, you said absolutely nothing. Suppressing the urge to laugh was a considerable effort. Apparently Talia lost many valuable things in there at was forced to live in a lesser room for the time being. 'Serves her right.' You though.

Your fingers stroked the books worn covers. One would think that the royal library would be better looked after. Like all the other books this one provided little information you desired. Under different circumstances you might have enjoyed its contents. But time was of the essence. Soon you would be packed off to Casterly Rock. Determined not to have a repeat of your past, you had to find a way to stop it. There were few who could gainsay Jason Lannister, but you had just the person in mind. Jaecerion loved you. The only problem lay in whether he would say yes. Last time he asked proposed you were a widow and unattached. These circumstances were different. Well, if he knew. It occurred to you that Jaecerion might not have known ahead of time. Last lifetime Aemond had been unaware, so why should Jaecerion who was his younger?

That problem would need to wait. With more immediate concerns' you needed to focus o those, for now. Ever since the bathing fiasco Ellyn had made herself scarce. In any other situation she would have held her head up high. But to do so in this case may very well be deadly. Some did send their condolences, and in those conversations you mentioned how some of her friends might have known her intentions. Naturally this was all a lie, however it suited you well. No jabs were being made in your direction these days. No one wanted to get entangled in this mess.

Just as you were getting dressed that morning a knock sounded at the door. Answering is, Elinor was handed an letter. Your stomach went cold as you recognized the wax seal. The Tyrell rose, Jenna's symbol. 'Please leave.' Trying to suppress the shake in your voice you dismissed Elinor. 'Is everything well?' She asked. 'Yes. Now go.' You said it more forcefully than necessary. Alone now, you opened the seal.

Lady Y/n,

I heard about the events that took place recently, and can only say I am very shocked. Let us pray that this fiasco settles down. You must lay low for a while, for your future depends on it. Stay out of trouble and listen to the Dowager Queen.

Lady Jenna Tyrell

"Stay out of trouble." You snorted. The letter was burned. Staying out of trouble was hardly an option. Either way was an uphill battle. But this time you intended to will.

The current dilemma you faced was to rid yourself of that guard. Burning Talia's room was only possible because he had been paid of by Cerilla. If another was to take his place it must be your man. Despite being a Tarley you had little money to your name. Whatever was allocated to you for service was not enough to bribe someone. And even if this knight was rid of who was to say that the next was not also in Cerilla's pocket. The only solution was to find out how to prove it. Easier said than done. Cerilla might be in a similar position to yourself, but she had allies you did not and Jenna's wealth.

Wait. Was Jenna even aware of this? It would cost money Cerilla did not have, unless one was passing it to her. Someone who had the backing of House Tyrell. Jenna might be a vile hag but you suspected that spying on you at night was not her way. Given her wealth Jenna would have hired more able hands. No the fumbling efforts of Talia. Yet you could not be entirely sure. But there might be a way to find out.

Cerilla had her plots, you had yours.

Dear Lady Jenna,

I pray this letter finds you in good health. You are very right to say I should be careful, and resolve to do so. But there is something of great importance I must tell you. It concerns Lady Cerilla, the sister of your good-daughter. I fear she may be finding other ways to make money, or is in dept. She wears very fine clothing that would cost a greater sum than that allocated to her by The Crown. Several times I have found her out late at night and am very concerned for her safety. If this is mere fantasy I humbly beg your pardon.

Lady Y/n

Even if Jenna did see through the letter and knew you wanted to get Cerilla in trouble she would still investigate. And if evidence turned up which proved Cerilla was acting without her consent then your animosity to her would pale in comparison. The letter was sealed and sent. You watched as the pageboy carried it away. Hopefully soon the fruits of your results would be clear.

Meanwhile you busied yourself with getting the books out. Soon you would hopefully be moving rooms and you did not want to cause speculation. Now that the letter was sent you needed to focus of Jaecerion, and it had to happen before word got out of your betrothal. If you pressed your suit after the proposal House Lannister may consider than an insult. It must be done before. Now you were at the issue you had to think of when to ask. How should you approach it? Jaecerion had been in and out of The Red Keep.

There was still a life outside of your plots, insignificant as it was. Flora and Lady Lenita came and asked if you would accompany them to visit the Queen. You knew there was no point in visiting her. Helaena was utterly mad and nothing would heal her from losing a child. You still dreamed of Owen. His beautiful little face going off colour and ragged breaths. On those nights you woke up in a cold sweat and could not sleep. In those cases sleep was not an option. Instead you simply stared up at the ceiling, thinking.

You ended up not having to wait very long for Jenna's reaction, and it was everything you hoped for. No longer was anyone at your door. And word got around. 'Did you hear what happened to Cerilla?' Flora leaned over whispering in your ear. All the ladies were sewing in Alicent's tea room. People kept chatter to a quiet lull. Hiding you excitement, you simply said; 'What?' Flora leaned in closer. 'Apparently she ran afoul of her patron Lady Jenna.' 'Why? What did she do?' Flora looked around. 'We do not truly know. Money matters I think.' You tried to hide a smile.

A crumpled up butterfly lay at your feet. Its purple wings fluttered piteously in a vain attempt to rise. Stooping down you gathered it up. With its final dying struggles it desperately tried to escape death. Then it lay still, its feeble finds lightly fluttering in the wind. Looking closer you realized a red liquid oozing from its body. Staining your hands red, blood flooded in rivers down the palms of your hands, far to much for so small a creature. And it poured and poured until all the ground was red and you were drowning in the blood.

The quill scratched over parchment as you wrote everything down. Morning had only just begun, the first rays shooting across the lightening sky. Afterwards the book was hidden and you got dressed for the day. Today you went for something simple. That did not mean you were dressing without thought. The deep green dress presented your shoulders for a man's gaze, a sweeping train behind you. Only a golden necklace adorned you. Looking at yourself in the mirror and feeling satisfied you set out. Jaecerion was back after a short excursion. You wanted to greet him before anyone else did. Remembering the past did you good in cases like these. It also meant you knew that in a few days Jason Lannister would press his suit.

Jaecerion entered kings Landing on a horse, his dragon was too large to be kept within. His silver hair caught in the light and you felt something overcome you. He was beautiful. Muscles moved with each movement, honed by years of military exercise. Not many were in the courtyard this early morning. Due to the war the usual pomp and ceremony performed for the arrival of a prince was forgotten. This suited you well. Ones schemes were best left hidden until they took form. 'Jaecerion.' He saw you and smiled. 'Y/n, it is early.' He took you into his arms. And although the hug was friendly a secret kiss lingered on your cheek. Slightly longer than that between friends. 'Jaecerion, there is something I wish to speak to you about.' Curious, Jaecerion consented. A powerful force seized your belly. It was a combination of excitement and anxiety. Never before had you felt so in control. He looked at you as one looked upon a most precious object. Any which way you could pull him.

'Jaecerion!' Alicent was walking towards the pair of you, flanked by Criston Cole. She looked anxious, a normal condition for Alicent. 'Your Grace.' Sinking into a curtsey you inwardly cursed her. Now you would have to wait, and who knew what would happen between now and later. Who was to say Jason's suit would not be pressed on you sooner. Quickly you were dismissed, Jaecerion being whisked away to a council meeting.

A morning mist had settled over King's Landing. As you could no longer be in Ellyn's services you sat with Alicent's ladies. Today they were all crowded in the queen's rooms. No laughter or music brought harmony to these sorry women. Alicent had never been a merry queen, but grief had settled over all like a blanket. Stepping in you felt their emotions like a physical presence. Men might wage war, but women too felt the pains of battle. For a woman's battle always had to be on the inside. It was a silent war that tore at ones very soul. Sitting beside Flora you felt like you were falling. Suddenly all plots were swept aside. Jaehaerys and Owen's pale little faces peaked out at you from the darkness within your mind. The torches flickering above might as well have not existed. Shadow seemed to close in on every side, threatening to swallow every living person in that room. Not truly there, you absentmindedly stitched the tapestry. Who cared about it anyway.

Food felt stale and fire provided no warmth. Your entire being was absorbed with images of the past dead and vengeance. More nourishing than any early substance the feverish desire that consumed you was like the strongest elixir. Emotions swung between elation and grief. All you could do was wait for night to fall. Keeping your ears open you listened for any mention of a meeting. Hopefully this would not happen, for your plans could be impeded. Already you had a plan in place. You would hide behind the statue of King Jaehaerys near Jaecerion's room. Covered in a black cloak you would hide until Jaecerion arrived. At least that was the plan if Jaecerion was up late. You just had to get through today.

When night descended you did not go to bed. You suspected another guard (or spy) would be there. Just because Cerilla was out of action did not mean Jenna's guard was down. In fact she might have become suspicious of you. If everything worked out it would not matter how Jenna felt. As princess you would be more powerful then all of them. So, hoping that this gamble would pay off, you slipped off as the sun set. A strong wind bartered the keeps stone in a torrent of power. You listened its powerful howls outside. It brought you an element of peace as you waited. Through the window you could see the sun set, casting its orange ray across the darkening sky. Every footstep made you jump slightly and look in anticipation.

How long would he be? Your knees were starting to burn. 'Where are you.' You hissed under your breath. Feeling clammy and cold you dreamed of going to bed. With warm sheets and a nice hot fire in the fire place. Only your conviction was stronger than temporary discomfort. Exhaustion was starting to seep in but you held firm. Shaking hands threatened to loosen on the statue. Strong will was the only thing keeping you from tumbling down.

Then you heard footsteps coming down the hall. Looking over you finally saw him. Jaecerion was alone, thank goodness. Body shaking, you stumbled down from your perch and out into the light. 'Y/n' Jaecerion looked alarmed and you were quickly in his arms. 'Jaecerion.' You murmured. Feeling warm you snuggled up against him. 'I'll take you to my room.' You allowed Jaecerion to take the lead. A guard by his door gave you a look. 'You won't be giving me that look soon enough.' You thought. Jaecerion's room was mercifully warm. You took off the heavy black cloak and allowed the warmth that enveloped you. The dress you wore underneath was a rather plain green one. Yet it had an alluring effect, showing off your back and shoulders. You could feel Jaecerio's eyes on you. Good. 'Why are you out so late?' Jaecerion was only a few feet behind you.

'Its......' Your inability to properly covary the words were a combination of exhaustion and anxiety. You had planned this moment and yet when it came you were here there was nothing to show for it. Jaecerion, sensing your anxiety, took a cold hand in his. 'Y/n, are you alright?' Taking a small step towards him you looked into his eyes. They were beautiful. Your own were starting to burn. 'I'm afraid.' Your voice was small and so, so pathetic. Feeling small you wanted the ground to swallow you up into the darkness. This was not acting. Built up fear you had suppressed for weeks was becoming overwhelming. Physically you could not take it anymore. It was like being severely sick with a cold. You wanted to wail and be sick. There was a strong desire to tear your hair out and howl. Everything had happened so quickly that you wanted nothing more than to lay down and just sob. And it was not even like you could tell Jaecerion the whole tale. No one could now how you had been locked up, lost your son and been killed. Perhaps death was a sweeter end after all.

Suddenly you swayed on the stop. The fires light seemed nearly blinding as Jaecerion caught you in his arms. He was warm and safe. All that time locked up by Jenna had deprived you of human companionship. So absorbed with vengeance, you had not realized just how much you missed the company of others. Tears fell past your eyelids and down trembling cheeks. Jaecerion's strong arms wrapped themselves around you as he knelt on the ground. Fingers carded through your messy hair and Jaecerion soothed you between your shaking gasps. 'Y/n.' He sounded disbelieving and worried. His tone, however worrying it sounded, made a flood of security and tenderness run through you. In those long lonely months there had been no one to hold you like this. Ever since the war had started back in another life you had not known a moments security. All you could remember was death, of slit throats and hanging bodies. But for just a moment your thoughts were only of this warmth.

'Jaecerion.' Your arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Looking up you got lost in his eyes. It had been so long since you had felt so close to someone, and never so intimate. 'I'm afraid.' gently Jaecerion hushed you. 'I swear Ellyn will not harm you.' You looked away.' It is not just her. Everyone seems against me and I do not know what to do.' Leaning into his chest you closed your eyes. 'I do not see how you will be able to protect me, Jaecerion. 'His grip tightened. He took a weak hand in his and pressed it to his lips. You felt the warmth of his youthful lips on you. How good would they feel against yours. 'I swear to you that there is nothing I will not do for your safety.' He took you but the shoulders and you were kneeling in front of him. Face to face with the fire behind him Jaecerion's eyes were wild. His silver hair had the reflecting light behind it with a mesmerizing effect. 'Jaecerion....can you truly promise that?' He nodded, the reaction of a young man who thought strength alone could protect the woman he loved. But you knew better. Taking his pale face in your hands, you said; 'You are a prince and a good man. But I am a mere lady. Ellyn is a princess.' You tried not to spit out the title in a fit of anger and jealousy. Then you were thinking what else to say. He needed to see your way of thinking.

'What would you have me do?' If your were honest, you would have told him to marry you. But that may not work. He had to come to that conclusion on his own. 'I can do away with Ellyn.' Purple eyes went very dark, almost black in this light. A menacing presence issued from him and you marveled that he might be a very dangerous enemy. You had already accepted that Jaecerion killed Ellyn. Her death would serve no purpose to your cause. After your last life you had no wish to be accused of her murder again. 'No, that will be me little good. If anything happens to Ellyn then I will be blamed. I need to find a way to keep me safe, a solution that will keep me out of her clutches. Perhaps I can go to Highgarden. Maybe being out of her way she will forget about me.' 'No!' You barely finished the sentence before Jaecerion protested. He looked desperate and a pang of guilt hit you. But you were close now. You could smell it. Jaecerion stood, pulling you up. Taking you in his arms Jaecerion held you to him. 'Stay with me Y/n.' His voice uncharacteristically shook. Had anyone loved you like this? 'Then what will we do? You are a prince, but I a mere lady.' You did not hide the desperation in your voice.

'May me.' You could hardly believe it. Despite your hopes and planning his words still stunned you. It had actually worked, your plan worked. Swaying on the stop you gripped him tightly. Jaecerion, taking your state deriving from an unplanned outcome. Brushed your hair out of the way. 'If I marry you, I could keep you safe. As my wife you would carry the title of princess and under the crowns direct protection. Ellyn would not be able to harm you, ever.' Jaecerion then got down on one knee. Taking he hand he kissed it reverently, thumb caressing your ring finger. His lips, even after parting, were only a mere inches from your skin. 'If you were to marry me my life would be completely in your keeping. And I would do all to protect you....both of us. And I would love you. Cherish you more than any other.' Even if you had not planned this you would have been won over in a heartbeat. here was this beautiful young man pledging himself to you with a fervor none had shown you before. This plan was one truly mad. For a prince to marry without allowance by his king was dangerous. The woman married to him could face grave consequences. Neither of you cared, you in vengeance and lust, Jaecerion for passion. Now it was your turn to pull him up. And without thinking you kissed him hard. And before the fireplace he made his mark. Afterwards, as Jaecerion lay sleeping, you beside him, the ruby glittered in the firelight.

Notes: This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the rest because I could not find anything else to add. Next chapter will be longer and very interesting👀.

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You had been wandering the streets well into the morning. You were starting to get looks from passers by who took in your appearance. Not that it mattered very much. The pain of the betrayal was all you cared about. Rage seeming to choke you like a poison. Cold air whipped tangled hair in a fury. Coming across a park, you saw that it was empty so early in the morning. Reached a large oak tree you collapsed against the ground. Now that you had stopped walking, the physical pain and cold could be felt. Shivering, you looked up at the morning sky. So beautiful, but you felt no joy. With a sigh you let your body rest against the rough bark. You closed your eyes. 

You remembered the first night when leaving home. On the morning of your eighteenth birthday, before the sun had even risen, you had been shown the door. Although expected it had hurt. It still did. With all your worldly possessions in an old school bag you had wandered the streets for a time. Biannca’s house was open, but you were not ready to face her sympathy. Being a creature for people to stare at. Once you had cried in front of your mother, she had laughed. On the particular day you had watched the sun. Leaving home should have been liberating, only it hurt. At least back then you had been expecting it, this time it was a complete shock. You had become too complacent in your happiness and forgotten hard learned lessons. Many sunrises you had watched, yet on that day you remembered every streak of colour. How a bright golden yellow slowly pushed back the darkness, a light blue following in its wake. 

Just like then, you watched the sky turn blue. 

“Y/n!” It was with some difficulty that you opened your swollen red eyes. “What the hell?” You could make out someone running towards you. They were dressed as if for work, yet ran through the soggy grass. You finally made out who it was by the blonde hair. “Armin?” It was like a great weight had been lifted from your body. Armin practically slid in the mud as he hurriedly kneeled by your side. “Y/n what happened to you!.” He took in your ratty appearance, the dirt on your naked knees and messy hair. His hand brushed the hair out of your face, only to rest on your jaw. It was gently, soft. So unlike the way you had recently been treated. It made you want to cry. And so you did. Armin didn’t try to press you into an answer. Instead he allowed you to collapse against his chest and cry your heart out. For the first time in weeks you felt okay. Breathing seemed a little easier now that you had someone to lean on. You realized that due to Armin holding you, his pants were sinking into the mud. “O-oh, sorry.” You hiccupped as you sat up. Armin looked confused and then looked to his pants. “It's nothing.” He dismissed. Armin’s arm brought you back into his embrace. Your head lay on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat soothed you. It kept you grounded. “ Do you want to talk about it?” Your stomach tightened painfully as it twisted. As much as you didn’t want to talk about it, you knew Armin would find out anyway. Given how quickly Eren had found someone else he probably would waste no time to tell everyone else the “happy news”.

“Eren’s with Hannah.” You closed your eyes, tired of the tears stinging your face. Armin’s grip shifted slightly. “With Hannah?” “They’ve been seeing each other. I guess he’s been going to her for comfort instead of talking to me.” You sniffed. Armin didn’t say anything. It seemed the information was taking time for him to process. You didn’t blame him, you still couldn’t believe it either. “What the fuck.” He whispered. Somehow that brought a smile to your face, probably because it was so unexpected. “Did he cheat?” You shook your head. “I honestly don’t know. But I’m still so fucking angry.” “And you said he was with Hannah. Are they together now or what?” “I think so. I mean they were together when I left.” Saying this made you feel sick. Armin sighed and absent mindedly ran his fingers through your hair.

You stayed like that for a while. But it didn’t matter to you. Everything could just end and you wouldn’t care. You just wanted the pain, this nauseous pain in your stomach to go. “We should probably get going now Y/n.” Armin gently grasped your elbows and helped you to your feet. “Where are we going?” “Home.” You threw up. The thought of going back there made you physically ill. Armin had to grab you to stop you falling. Shaking, you clung onto his white shirt. “Please don’t make me go back.” You sobbed. “Y/n it's alright. We’re going to my place.” Armin let you rest your head on his shoulder as he soothed you. “I’m sorry.” You sniffed. Armin’s grip tightened. “Don’t be Y/n. Don’t be.”

💔

Armin’s place was warm. That was the only thing you noticed upon entry. Immediately you collapsed onto a couch and fell asleep. Upon waking you cried. You just wanted all of this to disappear, for it to be a bad dream. To wake up and realize everything was okay. The next day you had to call in sick to your part time job as a substitute teacher and miss two university classes. For the past few years you had been working towards being a teacher and worked and had struggled hard to achieve that goal. That hardly mattered now.     

But you would soon need to go back soon. It was 9:30 in the morning of the third day when you received a text. Looking at your phone you realized it was from Hannah. For a few moments you stared at the screen. Why the hell was she contacting you? “Armin.” Armin came in from the kitchen. “What is it?” “Hannah just contacted me.” Armin immediately rushed to your side. “What did she say?” Your finger trembled over the screen. “I don’t know. I don’t want to know.” You placed the phone down. You were scared to read what she might have sent you. But you were also curious. What could she or Eren possibly have to say to you? “I’ll look.” Armin picked the phone up. You typed in the password and handed it back to Armin. Apprehensively you waited. It wasn’t long. “She just says to pick up your things.” That stung. It wasn’t as bad as you had thought, but it still hurt. It seemed that Hannah was going to take your place. “I can’t believe this.” You curled up, as if that would help with the pain. Armin knelt in front of you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I can call Jean and Connie to do it instead.” You shook your head. “They don’t know where everything is. I’ll have to do it myself.” It took a great effort to get up. But you knew it had to be done. “I should get it done today. And then-” You broke off. What would you do? Yes Armin was providing sanctuary, but you couldn’t stay forever. You would need to find your place. “I’ll let you stay here till you get on your feet.” Armin smiled. Without a word you pulled him into a hug. His kindness meant more than you could ever put into words. 

Eren had sent you a short text saying that he would not be there when you came to pick up your things. That was a relief. Though he did add a line at the end telling you not to ruin his and Hannah's things. Fuck him. Armin drove you down there. “Can I have a few moments?” You wanted a bit of time to yourself. To leave the apartment you had shared with Eren. The place where you thought you’d have longer. Armin agreed and you went in alone. Walking through the lobby, you felt like everyone's eyes were on you. As much as you knew that was just your imagination, it still felt strange. Like you didn’t belong here. It felt like ages until you got to your floor. Every step seemed to take a century. Eventually you got to the door. Standing there for a few moments, heart hammering in your chest. It felt so surreal. Mustering your courage you opened the door. It hit you all over again. The place that had been your home. You dropped the folded up cardboard boxes as you walked inside. The door closed behind you with a small “thud”. You walked through the place that you used to share. The kitchen that had your pink mug, still on this counter. The couch with your favorite on it. The bedroom where your jewelry box sat.

And Hanna’s green pajamas on the bed.

The sight made you absolutely nauseous. You stumbled to the bathroom and hurled into the toilet. So they'd already done it. Your ex best friend had slept with your ex. Tears rolled down your face all over again. “Fuck. Hold it together.” You muttered to yourself. Getting up you washed your face and brushed your teeth. Might as well start here. You packed up your products, including the necessities, makeup and other self care products. Every now and then you would find Hannah’s things amongst yours. It made you sick. Next you went to the bedroom where you packed all your things. At one point you looked into the mirror and realized that you were still wearing that green dress Eren had given you. Well, time to change. You threw off the dress and changed into a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. It took two hours to clear the bedroom of your things. As you took the last box out you looked back. The room looked cold and lonely now. Now it was time to empty the kitchen and living room and you would be gone for good. You knew that you should feel happy. The relationship had been dead for months. So you took a deep breath. “Just get this over with.” You unfolded another cardboard box when the lock clicked. In alarm you dropped the box. Great. It was Hannah. It seemed that Eren forgot to tell her you were here. Your eyes meet and both of you froze. Her light brown eyes bored into yours. It was chilling. A week ago those eyes would have brought you comfort. Now you feel revolted. This was the same girl that betrayed you. It became too much. You needed answers. “Why?” Hannah blinked as if what you said didn’t make sense. “I asked you why.” Hannah’s face went red as she took a step back. “Look Y/n you just have to accept it. Just because someone chose me over you doesn't mean you get to act this way.” You were absolutely flabbergasted. Like you had actually been stunned into silence. Did she not get it?! This wasn't about choosing someone over another person. This was about the fact that she literally conspired with Eren to drop this onto you. Not to mention that she knew your relationship difficulties but still went out with him in the dead of night. Sure, they might not have slept together before the breakup, but those late night visits certainly never helped.

Hannah nervously looked at her feet. The nervous look she had on her face pissed you off. “Hannah I am really not in the mood for this victim mentality you have going on. Now you're going to tell me what the hell that empty head of yours was thinking when you decided to- I don’t even know what the hell you talked about. But it most certainly didn’t help my relationship.” “Y/n, just get out.” Hannah sighed. “Well you’ll have to wait till I pack my things.” “Y/n I’m not asking you.” Hannah brushed past you and sat on your couch as if she had always been here. “Suck it up. These are my things so how about you sit there and keep your mouth shut.” If Hannah thought you were just going to obey her now that she was with your ex, then she had another thing coming. Hannah jumped to her feet, rage in her eyes. “Leave or I’ll call the cops.” You froze. With everything going on you really couldn’t deal with the cops. “Just let me get my stuff.” You sighed. Drained, you started to empty the cupboard of your mugs. “What are you doing. Get your hands out of our stuff.” The thought of Eren and Hannah being “our” repulsed you. She continued to yell at you. Her voice getting louder every time. As the last of your mugs were packaged, it got silent. At last, silence. And then a shatter was heard behind you. Turning around you saw a shattered mug. Your mug. Your eyes went from the mug to Hannah. Her face went from anger to fear when she realized she’d gone too far. All the rage you tried to keep inside seemed to explode in a rush of fury. Walking up to Hannah, you got right up in her face. “Hannah you stupid bitch!” You screamed so loudly that your throat nearly tore. She left back in fright. It didn’t stop there. You proceed to call Hannah every name in the book. Anything to convey just how angry you were. The vitriol building up over the past three days pouring out. Just so she could feel a bit of the anger you were feeling.

Something, or rather someone, rushed past you. It seemed that Eren had arrived. He didn’t even look at you, instead rushing to Hannah. He enveloped her in a hug. Her head rested on his chest as he spoke softly to her. He pressed a kiss to Hannah’s hair in order to comfort her. This was too much. Seeing it right in front of your eyes was too much. The tears that you had held back brimmed to the surface. Every part of you was screaming in agony. What had you ever done to deserve this? Eren was now shouting at you. “We’re over! Get that into your stupid fucking skull Y/n!” Eren stormed towards you and grabbed your shoulders. His nails painfully digging into your shoulders. Your hands came to your chest as you could protect your heart from any more pain. You looked up into those furious green eyes, yours filled with tears. Eren got in real close, his lips right next to your ear. “You are going to take your shit and leave. Never contact me or my girlfriend ever again. Understand?” All you could feel was his nails digging into your arms. For the first time in your life you were scared of Eren. Never had you actually felt the need to get away from him, not like this. His eyes held so much hatred and loathing that you weren’t even sure you were safe. He suddenly let you go. Your knees felt weak, like they might lose stability at any moment. Hannah linked her arm in his. The place where he gripped you hurt almost as much as your chest. “What did I ever do to you?? “Y/n, Eren loves me. You can’t break that.” The hypocrisy of that statement finally gave you voice. “You hypocrite! What, so you get to gossip behind my back to Eren, but I come to pick up my things and you have a meltdown.” Hannah’s face went red and she looked to Eren. Panic seemed to get the best of you. Eren started towards you once again. You didn’t know what he was going to do, but you ran. Footsteps thundered behind you in your rush to the washroom. Slamming the door behind you and locking the door, you took out your phone. At this point you could hardly think. You needed help. “Hey Y/n are you okay? What's going on?” He could probably hear the shouting on the other side of the door. “Please just come up.” You whimpered. The phone hung up and you felt dread. You knew Armin would come up, but it scared you at the same time. Unable to stand, you just let your body rest against the door. The voices on the other side seemed oddly distant. It was like you were disconnecting. For a moment you had time to stop and just rest. Eventually it stopped. A soft knock sounded at the door. “Y/n, it’s me.” The relief you felt was enormous. Stumbling to your feet, you opened the door. Armin stood there. He circled his arm around your waist and led you out. You noticed that Eren and Hannah had disappeared. “Where are they?” “They’ll stay in the bedroom until you're gone.” Your head rested on his shoulder. “I don’t know what I did.” Armin’s grip tightened. “You haven’t done anything. Eren’s…..” It seemed that whatever Eren was seemed lost to Armin. So you started packing your boxes as quickly as possible. You were sure nothing was left behind. Everything was packed into boxes by the front door. The apartment felt strange without your things in it. Soon Hannah’s things would replace yours. Her clothes would be in your dresser, her shoes beside Eren’s. And most importantly, she would have his heart.

💔

After a week from work or school you finally returned. Something of the past week's trials seemed to show in your face as people kept showing concern. You hated it, but life forced you to push on. Teaching was a good, stable job. If you did not do well in school or at work who knew what could happen. Probably living check to check, addicted to smoking, bitter and living in white walls. Even your hobby of book binding held little appeal. Everyday was a routine completely devoid of true emotion. Armin would call, Biannca texted but you had yet to tell her anything. And as you lay awake, alone, in the dark at night, the white walls closed in.    

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@erenyeagerwifee

What was the first memory of your parents? For Y/n it was a towering figure looming overhead, white walls on all sides. Your mothers face was not clear. Whether it was time or pure terror that had washed away the details was unknown. At that time your room had been mostly bare. There was little to remember except whitewalls that gave the room a sterile atmosphere. The room and your mother was left behind, but the fear never did.

The first thing you remember about Eren Yeager were his eyes. Never before had you seen such vibrant green eyes. Eyes that were bottle green like sea-glass. But it was not the colour that drew you to them, at least not completely. You thought that even if Eren's eyes were the most unappealing colour they would still be entrancing. The life those eyes held, how easy it was to read them. How those eyes lit up when he was passionate about something. It had been Eren's passion that attracted you to him. It was those eyes that drew your attention to him. You remembered the way he looked at you. How those teal eyes seemed to hold you as if you hung the moon. It gave you a feeling of euphoria that you thought would last forever. But recently, that has faded. Now all he looked at you with was indifference.

You weren’t sure when it happened. Just that one day Eren's eyes no longer looked upon you with affection. Now they observed you with a cool detachment. You wished they were filled with hate, at least if he hated you it meant something was still there.

You chalked it up to Eren having a hard time at work and his mother being sick again. It started with him being stressed, then distant. You tried talking with him, but he would blow you off. Then he would leave at all hours and not answer your calls. It was at that point that you wondered if he was seeing someone. But every time you tried to speak to him about it, you were called paranoid. That was where you were naive. Because now he only looked at her with those eyes.

They say eyes are windows to the soul. Such lofty ideas should have been dismissed by a woman with your life experience. Maybe being in a relationship had made you overly romantic. Bit by bit you saw how he stopped loving you. It killed you when he started to treat you like nothing. You tried to speak to his friends. Armin was a great help. Sometimes he came over when Eren had left to meet someone, and cook dinner. But it didn’t fix your relationship. You had tried everything from doing things for him to trying to get talk with him. You considered counseling, but he refused to go.

You stood in the doorway leading to the bathroom, watching Eren as he fixed his hair. You smiled lovingly at your boyfriend. Hopefully, you thought, he might pay you mind. “Who are you going to see?” It was 10:12 in the night, so you wondered who Eren was seeing this late at night. You two had been tense all day. Eren’s mother was sick again and had to be hospitalized. She would be fine, but it was still a stressful time for him. You did your best to support him during these times. You had learned from a young age that it was always important to be there for those you loved. 'When you stop loving someone, do not be surprised if they leave.' Your mother had said. A wretched woman you had not seen in years, but perhaps she was right. As a young girl you had sometimes lost friends. Even years later you lay awake dwelling on the past. The long lost relationships did not even matter that much to you. Those "friends" had never been truly close to you, yet it mattered all the same.

Despite this, it was becoming a bit difficult when Eren was snapping at you every minute. 'I already told you, I’m seeing a friend.' He said shortly. Your eyes closed. The fondness that they held a minute ago had left. You were tired of this. Was it so hard for him to show you one moment of kindness? It wasn’t always like this. Yes, you had your ups and downs. But there had always been a light at the end of the tunnel. Without so much as looking at you, he brushed past you. Tears brought itself to the surface. Fuck. This hurt.

Not that you didn’t continue trying. You spent hours watching videos titles to the likes of "How to get buy bf's attention" and taking no of everything. Going to your gynecologist they told you everything was alright. This was a relief as you worried something was wrong down there. Then to the dentist. Still, there was no sign of ill health or anything that might off-put someone. You knew Eren's true pain lay in his mothers illness. How badly you wanted to help it. But it was becoming so hard with his careless cruelty. You had considered discussing it with him but resolved not it. 'It would only be selfish. His mother may be dying and here you are whining.' And so silent you remained.

The next day, you had spent hours getting ready. There was no important occasion, other than your desperation to get any form of love from him. There was no detail untouched. Multiple products were used in the crusade to salvage the relationship. Soon the bathroom smelt of strawberry and vanilla. 'And you will have a scent your boyfriend will not be able to resist!' The video had said. Coming out of the shower, a message from Eren appeared on your phone.

Eren: Be home soon.

Rushing to the bedroom you put on the green slip Eren bought for you. It was expensive, but was it wrong to treat yourself every now and then? You put on a large white t-shirt over it that went down to your knees. Predictably, Eren came home in a crappy mood. Not his worst, but not great. He let you take his bag and coat, then went to sit down in the living room. 'How was your day?' You sat down beside him. 'Fine. Just busy.' Eren closed his eyes. Deciding he didn’t want to be bothered at the moment. You stood up and quickly got dinner ready. Pasta seemed simple enough, plus Eren liked it. The whole time Eren didn’t say a thing to you. Normally this wouldn’t be something to be concerned about. But Eren had been like this for a while. Dinner was a silent affair with you attempting to start a conversation every now and then. As you washed the dishes Eren went into the bedroom. You heard him speaking to someone on the phone, though you couldn’t hear what he was saying.

'Hey.' You wrapped your arms around his waist from the back. His hair was down now. Carding your fingers through his hair, you press a kiss to his temple. 'It’s late. Wanna head to bed?' Eren shrugged and allowed you to lead him inside. It was dark except for the fairy lights you liked to hang around the place. You helped Eren undress and then slipped off your dress. Eren pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, causing your heart to skip a beat. This was the most affection he had shown you in a while. 'See? He loves you.' You thought.

“I love you.” Gently you pushed him onto the bed and straddled his waist. Pressing kisses from his cheekbones to his collar, you were desperate to show your love. He had been so stressed out and you wanted him to know you loved him. Hands gripped his hips as you went lower. Eren’s hands weaved tightly in your hair as you took him into your mouth. He gave a few shallow thrusts before fucking your mouth. “Fuck.” He groaned. You didn’t like this. It wasn’t the act itself that was the problem, but Eren’s attitude. Or rather lack of it. He seemed to just be using you as no more than someone he was sleeping with. No sense of caring in him. You normally loved to get him to the point where he abandoned any politeness and just fucked you. But this was different. Before, no matter how rough, you never felt used. There was always love and afterwards he always made sure you were well. This time you felt so demeaned. At least prostitutes were payed for these services. So you just let him use you, hands painfully digging into your scalp. You just wanted approval, even at your expense. After the deed was done, he got on top of you and thrust right into you. It hurt. So you just looked up at the white ceiling, hoping to get this over with.

💔

You met Hannah during the second year of High School. To avoid your mother you joined afterschool clubs. On Mondays you attended the Business Club. Despite not sounding altogether appealing it was actually quite popular. A group, mostly girls, would talk about their business ideas. Surrounded by friends you were showing them a picture of your imagined herb business when she walked in. A shy first year, Hannah more shuffled in than walked. Back then she had been gangly and slightly awkward looking. The moment you saw she was summoned over. 'What's your name?' She replied and from that day onwards it was history. Soon the two of you were friends and went everywhere together. No longer alone, Hannah was now part of a large group.

Meeting Eren came about several years later, during the first year of University. Your only took philosophy out of a passing interest. Arriving late, he decided to sit right beside you. You had acknowledged him as handsome but had no real interest as you never spoke to him, and only saw him in class. That all changed during a class project. As he sat beside you it was the two of you together. Upon finding out Eren would be your partner you nearly burned up. He sent you a dazzling smile, damn him.

Both of you met up in one of the many libraries. It was late but thankfully the University buildings were open late. Sitting on the windowsill you watched Eren read the passage allowed. Of the two Eren was better at this subject. These sessions mostly consisted of you listening and writing things down as Eren spoke. Unlike you Eren actually went into the course knowing a thing or two about the subject. 'Existentialism. The concept of an individual pursuing their own freedom.' Eren read from the heavy textbook. Curled in you wrote it down. 'Do you think this should be our opening?' You asked. 'No. It won't make sense unless we give some context first. Maybe we should bring up a philosopher first.' You felt a bit lazy having Eren take the lead. But there was really nothing else to do about it.

'Here, take a look at this.' Moving to sit beside Eren, you looked to the page titled "To have freedom it to err". Being somewhat familiar with his works you flipped through the chapter before going back to the beginning. Fritz had been an Eldian king and philosopher in the 14th century, shortly before Eldia when from an empire to merely a kingdom. As you went through the pages you could sense animosity pouring from Eren. Concerned, and slightly alarmed, you looked up. His green eyes were lit up in a way you did not like. Not the way he looked during intense discussions, where he was passionate but angry. 'Are you alright?' You said it quietly, so as to not attract his angry. Trying to appear small as possible you wondered if running away was the best course of action.

Eren's face sagged for a moment before he jumped slightly. Relief filled you when it became clear that he may not have meant to look so menacing. 'Oh, sorry. Hadn't meant to startle you.' Looking abashed Eren looked to the ground. 'Not a fan of his.' 'Oh?' Curious, you sat up properly and inched towards him. Seeing a captive audience Eren started. 'His weakness it just.... just disgusting.' Sounding thourly repelled

Handing the book back you watched Eren flip through the pages. And as you did so a feeling of unease settled into you. because when had you ever pursued your own freedom?

💔

It all came crashing down. It had been the end of a terrible week. You had failed a test, had to extend an assignment and Eren had continued to show you the cold shoulder. All you wanted to do was take of this fucking green dress, have a nice long bath, lay down, and cry. To your surprise, Eren wasn’t alone in your small apartment. Sitting beside him at the kitchen table was your best friend, Hannah. It had been first year University and you were having difficulty making friends. Shiganshina was a small town where everyone knew each other, so it was hard. Social groups had already been formed years ago. It had been your philosophy class that you first met. You had acknowledged him as handsome but had no real interest as you never spoke to him, and only saw him in class. It was only when the two of you got placed in the same group project halfway through the year did you get to know him. Oh how you wished you didn’t. Because that was when you first fell for him. It wasn’t immediate. You started out as friends, and soon enough you found yourself going to every movie, drink, and bowling night together. You had such a good time that you started to invite your closest friend. That was your second mistake.

💔

You walked arm in arm with a girl by your side. Hannah was the type of girl to get stared at as she passed by. She was gorgeous with shoulder length blonde hair and wide adorable brown eyes. Her smile was one that could make anyone's day. The dimples at the corner of her mouth gave her innocence and charm. You and Hannah were like sisters. Being raised as an only child you were delighted to have Hannah. Having a low contact relationship with your mother and your father being absent (he left after mother became pregnant, so the story goes), you created a new family. Hannah, Biannca, Eren, Mikasa and others made up this newfound group. It almost made you nightmare that was your childhood. Cold white walls, mother pacing angrily downstairs, cigar smoke. All that was replaced with colour, kindness and warmth. Or so you had hoped.

Spring had just dawned over the town of Shinganshina. Walking arm in arm with Eren as you discussed what to say. Although you loved Eren you knew he could be harsh without meaning to. Hannah had just caught her boyfriend of two years in the arms of another woman and was naturally distraught. For the past month Hannah had been holed up in her room, practically a prisoner to her pain. Your heart ached for her. In her position you would be little better. Constantly you visited her in an attempt to provide comfort. Today you decided to take her out for breakfast, the meal being on you.

She was waiting for you by the café entrance. Today she was dressed in a white jacket and blue jeans, looking tired. The second Hannah saw you she smiled, looking between you and Eren. "Hey Hannah. O, yes, Eren you probably remember Hannah.

💔

That was why, one cold November day, it was a complete surprise to see Eren and Hannah both sitting at the table whispering conspiratorially. The moment you walked in they fell silent. Shiftily Hannah leaned back in the chair, not even looking you in the eye. Eren on the other hand was looking at you in the eyes. It would have been better if he did not. Those dull eyes made you want to dig a deep hole and curl up in it. Suddenly Hannah was leaning into Eren. A lump formed in your throat making you feel dizzy. A horrible feeling settled in your stomach as an idea occurred to you.

It was like everything seemed to be leading up. Eren disappearing at odd hours. Hannah, your supposed best friend not answering your calls. Now that you thought about it, her behavior was odd. You had been so focused on Eren that you never suspected she was involved in any way. Well, at least you now knew why she wasn’t hanging around you anymore.

You knew what he would say before Eren opened his mouth. Yet it still hurt like a punch to the gut. “Y/n. Hannah and I have been talking and I think it’s best if we broke up.” He said it so bluntly, without the slightest hint of sadness in his voice. Just the usual monotone voice he had been using as of late. “Have you two been-” Your throat was painfully dry. You couldn't believe it. You had suspected Eren had been seeing someone, but you had no proof. And you were afraid that if you said anything, he would immediately leave you for her. You guessed that was a mistake. “So you’ve been cheating.” Tears filled your eyes as you grit your teeth. “We would never!” Hannah had the nerve to sound offended. You looked at her. “Oh really? So you didn’t open your legs for my boyfriend earlier.” The fact that it was her, your best friend, made this so much worse. You had spent sleepless nights wondering if there was someone else, he was with, and who she was. Was she prettier? Smarter? What was it about her that made Eren uninterested in you? Hannah’s eyes filled with tears. At one time, Hannah’s tears would have gained sympathy from you. But now all they did was infuriate you to no end. Your heartbeat painfully in your chest painfully. Blood ran hot, thundering in your ears. “Oh fuck off you crybaby.” Hannah flinched at your voice. Eren immediately turned on you. “That's enough Y/n.” You gaped at Eren. It was like you were talking to a stranger. The look on his face made you want to throw up. It wasn’t just distant this time. You had only seen that look once. It had been when some girl from your college campus had been harassing you and he had stepped in. It seemed that he now saw you in the same light, the person who was harming the one he loved.

It ended with you leaving the apartment to get some air. Eren reminded you that your things still needed to be taken out. He said this with his arm around Hannah’s shoulders. As you snatched your coat Hannah came up to you. You refrained from saying anything that might get Eren to snap at you. “Y/n, we’re trying to be kind to you. We will give you time to move out.” You couldn’t fucking believe this. Hannah was acting as if they were doing you a favor.

Right now, you are walking the dark streets of Shiganshina. You could barely see due to the tears welling up in your eyes. Sobs tore from your throat to the point it hurt. But you couldn’t stop, you didn’t want to stop. It was like a piece of your heart had been ripped from you by the two most important people in your life. You could barely breathe. After four years of being together, everything is over. That night you didn’t sleep, just wandered around till the sun rose in the sky. As the orange glow covering the sky like a blanket the city lit up your way, you thought about the times you had watched the sunrise with Eren. For a while you looked over the city from the forest cliff. Everything was coming to life again. Everything except your heart.

Note: I started this fanfic a while back and then sort of disappeared. I apologize. It was just that I lost motivation and wasn't happy with the original. What I will do is edit this book and then post the last few chapters. I want to thank everyone who read my story in the past, and is reading this now.

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