Fanbind: "Could You Love Me While I Hate Myself", by Cee_Darling
A special post for #NestaWeek2026! I realized I hadn't shared any of my fanbinds here yet, so what better way to start than with this amazing story. Sharing on Nesta Week Day 7: Free Day because this fic has it all - good ol' dragon-fighting adventure, fierce and sweet romance, struggles between Fate and Choice and of course, chapter after chapter, Nesta's resilient character, unyielding in the face of any challenge.
"Could You Love Me While I Hate Myself" - by @witch-and-her-witcher
Typeset and binding by me, with author permission.
In this beautiful story about resilience and learning to accept love, we see what would have happened if Nesta Archeron met Cassian, a young Illyrian warrior, during the War of the Wall. Nesta is a woman of action, who will not shy away from battle or marriage with an almost complete stranger if that's what it takes to protect her only remaining sister, Elain. But as she moves North to Illyria, she will find that the greatest battle she has yet to face is to accept the untamed, selfless love she never believed she deserved, both from her partner and her community.
For this bind, I wanted to recreate the feeling of the Illyrian mountains, so I dared try my hand at painting once again. The cover material has a velvet-like touch that is quite rough for a paint brush, so I ended up not being able to draw the lines as fine as I'd like, but I'm still happy with the result. Simple white acryllic paint did the job :)
Chapter headers and title page were made in Canva. I particularly liked the imagery of "keep reaching out your hand", as canon-Amren said; one of my favorite character traits of this fic's Cassian is that he does just that without having to be told and without losing his personality. And we see Nesta gradually growing into accepting it not as pity or a demand of fate, but as the kindness she's always deserved.
Below are some of my favorite snippets from this fic, where we see Nesta's character is all its splendor: a mother's care and concern for her sister, and all the guilt that comes with believing she's not doing enough; the sense of duty that moves her to use whatever skills available to her to save her community; the soul-eating doubt about her self-worth; and her selfless love for her partner, the undying passion that she gives in to just because it's him.
The whole fic is free to read on AO3 here.
Materials and techniques:
Typeset on MS Word, graphics made in Canva.
Printed on 80gsm white paper on an inkjet Epson ET-2850 printer.
A5 folio, sewn on tapes with French link stitch
Case-bound using 2mm bookboard and covered in self-adhesive paper with velvet texture -> if you want to live a stress-free life, stay clear of this self-adhesive stuff at all costs, it's hell to glue on.
Cover painted with white acryllic paint.
Author name drawn with 3D effect liner paint for fabric.
Endpapers are Pepin's gift/creative paper, Belle Epoque collection