Penny for your thoughts

At almost exactly the same time and almost exactly the same part of the country as Sarah Huckabee Sanders was refused service at a restaurant, my friend Charlotte Clymer was kicked out of a nightclub for daring to use the women’s room.

In case you (or someone you know) is thinking something like “liberals are so two-faced—they’re applauding what happened to Sanders while getting pissed off when the same thing happens to someone who agrees with them” let’s examine the differences between these two events.

The employees and managers of Cuba Libre who tried to stop Charlotte from using the bathroom were transphobic and prejudiced. They were using their power to deliberately inconvenience a transgender woman because they didn’t want transgender women in their club. They argued that having a trans woman using the bathroom would make the women in the bathroom uncomfortable, but the male attendant had no problem going into the bathroom himself to try and chase her out. They said she was inconveniencing the women by doing this but had no problem inconveniencing women when they held up the line into the women’s room to berate her about this.

They had no problem citing a “law” that supported their position, and even threatened to call the police on her in order to intimidate her, but refused to believe it when she showed them that the law in fact said EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE, nor would they call the police when she said “yes, please do.”

In short, they didn’t have a problem with Charlotte personally. They have a problem with trans folk—probably specifically trans women.  

This is prejudice.

What happened to SHS when she was denied service at the Red Hen was not because she was a woman, or white, or “Christian*” or any other reason than for her actions as a high-level administration member of the Trump presidency.

And it’s her actions, not her beliefs that are important here. Because there are people on the right claiming that her opinion that this country would be better of without undocumented workers is why the owner of the Red Hen denied her service. In other words, she's a bigot. I disagree. “Bigotry” means intolerance toward people who have different opinions than you do. It’s not her opinions that offended the owner. It was her actions in defense of separating children from their mothers and fathers and the way those children are processed, cared for and held that caused the outrage, and caused the owner to refuse service.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders was denied service because she was Sarah Huckabee Sanders, a woman of privilege and power who used both in service of atrocities.

Put another way: The owner of the Red Hen was punching up. The people at Cuba Libre were punching down. My guess is that this was something the nightclub did as a matter of policy (written or unwritten) that they could get away with because most trans woman are fairly marginalized, and the only reason the management is backpedalling and trying to make this better is because they happened to do it to one of the few trans women who has a rather formidable social/political presence. So: they didn’t have a problem with Charlotte personally when they did what they did, but they have one hell of a problem with her now.

I used to ride my bike all the time. But I stopped almost entirely when I transitioned because I didn’t like the way I looked in my cycling gear. I felt I looked far too masculine. 

A woman I have known since high school commented “I don't know where you shop, but you are the most put together gal I know!” 

It was lovely to hear and I thanked her, but didn’t get into anything else. I didn’t tell her about the conversation I had with a friend of mine almost exactly 4 years ago, when I first started telling select people--close friends--that I was transgender. I was still presenting as a man at that point, and one of my friends was a bit confused. We were at this coffee shop next to a music conservatory, which is a great place to be if you like looking at attractive young adult humans. Especially this time of year, when they’re all dressed up to give their recitals. 

My friend was having a hard time with the concept of me being transgender. He looked over to the counter where people were in line ordering drinks. He pointed to a young woman in line. “When I see her, I want to have sex with her. Is that what you want?” He asked. 

I said “yes.” Then I thought a minute, and said “no. What I think is that picking a dress with an empire waist was a great idea for her, because it accents her lithe shape while maintaining a sense of elegance, and the way she has her hair piled up shows off her neck and adds to her length, and having a few strands fall loosely down like that draws attention to her neck in a lovely way, as do her gold chandelier earrings. 

“Plus the gold in the earrings is the same tone as her thin watch strap as well as the piping on her pumps and that really pulls the outfit together,” I paused for a moment, “but that particular shade of brown is not the best choice for her because it makes her olive skin look a bit sallow.” I took a sip of coffee. “That’s what I think.” 

He smiled nervously. “...’kay,” he said.

I spent my entire life looking at women and what they wore and thought about what they did that worked and what they did that didn’t. And during all that time I hid my gender from the world. I was never one of those women who had a secret closet of cute clothes I would wear and purge. I wore jeans and flannel shirts in the winter, and jeans and polo shirts in the summer and despaired that I would never be able to enjoy putting an outfit together and find my “look.” 

The day after I went ultrafemme with my “American Housewives” dress (that’s what a friend called it) I decided to butch it up a bit with my “Chaotic Good” tee and loose chambray shirt over yoga pants with a pair of vans. 

2013 vs 2018.

2013 to 2018

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I have a cold. I don’t get sick very often--like once every 3-4 years on average. This is the first time I’ve been sick since transitioning. 

My biggest complaint so far: I can’t blow my nose without wiping off half my foudation.

Second biggest: When i talk I sound like Harvey Fierstein impersonating Brenda Vaccaro.