Fall

There will come a time in your life when you will become infatuated with a single soul. For this person, you’d do anything and not think twice about it. But when asked why, you have no answer. You’ll try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much as they do. But you’ll never find out. And no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts; you’ll love this person without regret, for the rest of your life.

I know what it’s like to be so mad, you go into this blind rage and don’t even remember what you said or did. I know what it’s like to be so heartbroken, you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror without bursting into tears. I know what it’s like to have so many bad things happen to you,you start to lose faith in everything. However, I also know times of pure joy and happiness. And if I can just keep my mind set on those, I know I’ll make it through all of the hard times. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find the faith I thought I had lost forever.

Have you ever missed someone that was literally sitting right next to you? Like you start to realize that you’re not as close to each other as you once were. You still talk to them, but not as much as you used to. You still see them, yet it’s as if you’re looking at a stranger. It kinda sucks too because that special bond you once had with them just disappeared in thin air. They’re sitting so close to you, but you feel so distant from them. I fucking hate that feeling.

Listen, if you’re going to leave, that’s fine. and I know you promised you wouldn’t seven months ago while I was crying into your neck but I also know that sometimes it rains even when it’s not supposed to and sometimes boys kiss girls they shouldn’t and we tear flowers out of the ground just to watch them die and things change, so I understand if you’re done, but please, when you’re packing all your old sweaters and books, don’t forget to take all your three AM phone calls, and photographs where we’re smiling so wide it looks like we’ve never known that feeling in the pit of your stomach when someone screams “I don’t love you anymore.” Take back every kiss, every night you fell asleep next to me, every poem I wrote you, every song you sang to me, every “I love you more fight,” every shock I felt in my skin when you brushed against me. I was never scared of ghosts until you left but now I see you everywhere and god if you’re going to kill me please just do it quickly because I see you in everything and it’s making it hard to breathe

I’ll never forget the way you looked at me that made me feel so special. All the words you said to me that melted my heart, the way you put me before everything else. But also, I’ll never forget the way you tore me apart, the way you left me like it didn’t matter. I’m not sure which is worse, the fact that you destroyed me or the fact that I thought you never would.