paula 🪸✨

———

“Maybe if I was paying attention-.”

“Nat, no. That wouldn’t have stopped them.”

“It wouldn’t have stopped them from trying but I could have stopped it from going this far.”

“There was 17 of them, Natasha. If anything, you’re the reason she even got out of there alive.”

“If she even is.”

“She is.”

Steve has always been able to put on a brave front, but even now, his voice cracked a bit as he comforted Natasha.

The men had come out of no where, immediately going for you. Your instincts kicked into fight mode, but you realized very quickly that these weren’t normal men. They were super soldiers, with dead eyes.

No matter how much sparring you had done with Bucky, you were never able to fully pin him, let alone 17 of him at the same time.

Bucky had told you that you needed to practice more. He can remember all those innocent people trying to fight back when he was under the mind control of HYDRA. He never wanted that to be you. But there you were, helplessly fighting back, barely able to make a full swing.

And now here you are. Laying in one of the compound’s hospital beds, barely able to take a full breath.

The team had rushed you to the tower, meeting the medics outside and spewing off all the information they needed to know.

Steve can’t stop replaying the look in their eyes when they saw you. It was the same look the doctors had the day Bucky’s mom died. Hopelessness. The look of defeat.

The team sat out in the waiting room for about an hour before someone spoke up.

“Where’s Barnes?”

Steve’s head jerked up to see Wanda staring at him.

“Oh no.” Steve murmured as he stood up with a stiff posture.

Bucky was in the underground gym with all the new recruits. There was about 20 of them today, so he knew Bucky had his hands full. Probably too busy to even noticed the commotion upstairs.

The walk to the gym was too short and too long for Steve’s liking. News he didn’t want to deliver and news he desperately needed to deliver, weighing on his shoulders as he took the journey.

The door creaked open and suddenly the soundproof room engulfed him with the noises of the young men and women yelling and fighting each other. Bucky stood on the side talking to one of the smaller men. The sight reminded Steve of all the pep talks Bucky would give him when Steve could still blow away in the wind. The memory made what he had to do even worse.

——

Have you ever heard a silence so loud that your ears stop working? The room sounds like it’s under water and suddenly your breathing picks up like your drowning.

That’s what happened to Bucky.

He hadn’t heard much, of what Steve was saying, past “Y/n is in the med bay, she’s not waking up.”

Eyes unfocusing, mouth agape. Panic. Panic. Panic.

———

It had been the hardest month of Bucky’s life. Even having been the world’s longest prisoner of war, this was much worse.

During his time in HYDRA, he hadn’t had any hope. Hope, is what they say keeps you going, but really all it does is hurt.

But Bucky couldn’t not have hope for you. He felt guilty every time a sliver of hopelessness creeped up inside him. So he’d shove it back down and keep repeating “she’s gonna get better.”

That cycle eventually ended up draining the life out of Bucky. 29 days in and the hopelessness started coming back. This time, Bucky didn’t have the strength to push it back down; instead he buried his face in your side, keeping a strong grip on you, and sobbed.

It was the first time he cried. He felt guilty about that too.

The never ending sobs ended when his body had given up the strength to stay awake and he had cried himself to sleep.

You must have known, his unwillingness to go on without you because the next day you began to stir.

Your movements had startled Bucky in his sleep. It was 5:00 in the morning. He jolted awake, staring at you, with hope that maybe what he felt wasn’t just a dream.

And in one small movement, you saved Bucky’s life.

At the first sight of your twitching hand, Bucky began frantically calling the nurses in, who brought the doctor in a few moments later.

They had kindly asked Bucky to leave while they inspected you, and helped guide you back to consciousness.

Hesitantly, he obliged and stepped into the hallway. The wall to his right was all floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the blankets of grass and trees. He remembered how excited you were when Tony made the decision to move the compound into the country side. You could finally watch the sunrise from the backyard.

A sliver a light peeked over the hillside and Bucky smiled for the first time in 30 days. Tears glossed his eyes as he realized you’d be awake just in time to see the sunrise. A symbol of a new era, with less darkness.

———

You had been filled in on the events of the past month slowly but surely. You still had mild brain damage, which would cause difficulty speaking and understanding.

Bucky’s hopelessness started filing back in, when he realized that just because you were awake didn’t mean you would be all better. But he smiled at you anyway and held your hand as you formed the small words you could.

The doctors had informed Bucky that this was temporary, and that you would be in physical and a speech therapy to aid in your full recovery.

“Full recovery” were the only words Bucky needed to hear. He would take care of you and do anything it took to help you make a full recovery.

You believed him when he told you. Maybe you shouldn’t have.

———

Along with the TBI came other random injuries from your attack that caused issues with mobility in your all your limbs.

A hospital mandated wheelchair was issued when you were discharged, and Dr Cho had reminded you that you were always welcomed to come back in if you were feeling the need to visit.

You thanked her, but you knew you wouldn’t need to. The month you had spent in the med bay after waking up had gotten you on a straight line path to recovery.

Maybe you should have stayed there

Because three months and one week after the accident you were sitting in the apartment you shared with Bucky. The team surrounded you, having quiet conversations, under the streamers and balloons that Sam and Tony had helped put up.

“Are you excited?” Steve whispered as he sat down on the couch that your wheelchair was parked next to.

“Nervous.” You giggled. “I hope he likes his present.”

Steve scoffed at you “of course he’s going to like it. I don’t think Bucky has ever had a birthday party like this.” He paused to sip his drink and place it back on the table. “I mean, I know you two usually do something but, never a get together like this. He’s gonna love it.”

You had gotten much better at speaking. Your speech therapist was giving you and Bucky exercises to try at home. He had been so helpful and encouraging to you. Holding you when you would get discouraged and tear up. You had felt so weak for so long.

Even now, with all your progress, all you wanted was to be fully independent.

“I hope so.” Hope, something Bucky had been inadvertently giving you these past 2 months. You knew that he would never truly know how much he meant to you, especially now, when everything you needed had failed you.

Bucky never failed you, he was a rock. A voice, a pair of hands to help you in the tub, a chef to cook you all the meals you needed, a hug in the dark when he felt you crying next to him in the bed, a kiss of encouragement, a smile that comforted you, a comedian to make you laugh when you could feel yourself slipping in a dark hole, a love to make you feel worth something even when your mind had whispered the opposite.

You were ready to be independent for yourself and for your love. You didn’t want to be a burden, and you wanted Bucky to be able to depend on you as equally as you depend on him.

But for now, you did the best you could and helped plan a surprise birthday party for him with the assistance of the team.

You had been suspicious that Bucky knew about the party for the past week so the plan was for Sam to call Bucky and invite him out to a bar with Steve, to throw him off your trail.

“He’s coming!” Sam said from the kitchen and everyone got quiet as Sam’s phone rang.

He answered it and put it on speaker.

“Hey birthday man!” Sam said excitedly into the phone. You giggled at Sam’s enthusiasm.

“What do you want Wilson?” Bucky replied grumpily.

You could tell immediately that he had a bad day. Maybe this party will cheer him up, you thought.

“What makes you think I want something?”

“Because you told me to call you when I got done with work.”

“Well, you’ll be surprised to know I just wanted to invite you out to the bar with Steve and I. Our treat!”

“Not really in the mood, Wilson.”

“Oh come on man, it’ll be fun.”

“No.”

“What’s up your ass today.”

“Don’t start, Wilson.”

“I’m not trying to argue man, I’m just wondering what’s got you in such a grumpy mood today. It’s your birthday, you should be celebrating. Oldest man alive and all that.” Sam said lightheartedly.

“Sam-.”

“I’m just-.”

“Fine! You wanna know what’s up my ass today?! The fact that I’ve had the shitiess day at work and I still have to go home a take care of someone who’s supposed to be my girlfriend but is practically a child. That’s what’s up my ass today, Wilson.”

You didn’t even have time to process his words when the door opened and he stepped in. His heart dropped when he flicked the light on and saw you sitting there, a big present in your lap and Sam standing right next you.

All at once the progress you had worked so hard to make rapidly started going away.

You tried to speak but you couldn’t

You tried to lift your arms to wheel yourself back into your bedroom but they wouldn’t budge.

You just sat there like the child he said you were, looking at your boyfriend with an expression that will be burned into his memory forever.

Hurt, weak, embarrassment, shame, hopelessness.

“Y/n, baby...” Bucky says as he steps toward you but you don’t move or say anything. It was scarily familiar to how you looked that first month in the hospital.

A sob broke through your body. He could tell you had tried to hold it back. His eyes glossed over with tears and they quickly became mobile as they fell down his face.

You closed your eyes, hoping you could disappear but it didn’t work. You could still feel the whole team looking at you and you know that they knew Bucky was right.

“No, baby, I- sweetheart, I didn’t-.” Bucky pleaded, kneeling beside you. But it was too late.

Your ears had already stopped working.

It sounded like you were under water, with no way to swim up because you couldn’t move. Panic. Panic. Panic.

It was Natasha who took you back into your room. She pet your hair and gently caressed your arms and hands. She wiped your tears and told you how wrong he was. But all you could think about was how you were now becoming her burden. And how for the rest of your life, all you would be is burden, that the people you love would take turns caring for you, until that inevitably resented you.

You couldn’t even run away. You were stuck in your nightmare. You were stuck this way forever.

Natasha had helped you on to the bed. And you cried yourself to sleep that night, alone, in the bed that Bucky held you in just hours before.

———

When Natasha had stepped out into the living room, she found the living areas empty besides Bucky sitting on the edge of the couch, leaned over, taking deep breaths with his hands gripping his hair, clearly in distress.

She didn’t feel sorry for him. Instead, she walked in front of him to say “this is worse than never saving her in the first place.” and leaves.

Bucky had already told Natasha of his micro frustrations when it came to taking care of you.

Natasha had been a close confidant of Bucky’s since the whole incident. Both of them feeling like they should have been the ones to stop it from happening.

He had never meant it in a resentment kind of way, and Natasha knew that. She had taken a vow to never tell you when Bucky was becoming frustrated, because she understood that his feelings were only temporary.

Bucky’s frustration came purely from the longing to see you be yourself again. He was hurting for you and after a while that all becomes too much for one person handle.

He would never say that to you and he had told Natasha that he would kill her if she ever let it slip.

But he let it slip tonight, in the worst possible way it could.

Bucky is a lot of things but he is not good with expressing his emotions. He says hurtful things in arguments and you typically brush it off because you know he doesn’t mean it. He just has 100+ years worth of emotion pent up and no person knows how to handle that.

But this wasn’t that. This was cruel. This felt like pointing and laughing, it felt like he had ripped your heart out of your chest and stomped on it.

Bucky didn’t know why he had said what he said. But when he looks around the room, at the decorations, the cake, and the big present wrapped with a oversized bow, he find himself wanting to fight the man that had said such a terrible thing. But he’s been doing that for years. So he lays on the couch and cries himself to sleep.

———

When the sun came up, you were happy to have feeling back in your limbs again. Your throat was sore from crying but you could speak again.

Yesterday, you thought at this time, you’d be waking Bucky up with kisses all over his face. You’d be complaining about his morning breath and he’d tickle you teasingly with a sleepy smile.

You would take a bath together and shamelessly have left over birthday cake for breakfast.

But instead, you laid there, not seeing the need to even get out of bed today. You laid there until you couldn’t anymore. You had to pee worse than you’ve ever had to.

Your first instinct was to call out to Bucky. But your mouth shut as soon as it opened and tears sprung to your eyes. You scooted the best you could over to wheel chair, and successfully plopped yourself down in it.

You rolled over to the bathroom and to the toilet.

———

Bucky didn’t wake up until 2 hours later. For a veteran, his enteral clock didn’t work very well.

It takes him a good thirty minutes to work up the courage to go into your shared bedroom and check on you.

He didn’t know what he would say but he knew he had to see you. He had to try to take back what he said last night and convince you he didn’t mean any of it.

He didn’t bother straightening his shirt or flattening his hair, he walked up to your bedroom door, took a deep breath and slowly turned the knob.

The bed was empty. He frantically looked around the room for any sign of you when he heard quiet sobs coming from the bathroom.

“Y/n?” He spoke against the closed bathroom door with a rough voice.

“No!” You yelped “don’t come in here!”

Bucky flinched back at the suddenness of your voice. It was quiet for a minute before your small sobs filled the echoing bathroom again.

“Y/n, honey, are you okay?”

You inhaled a sob and said “yes! I’m fine! Please leave!” And continued to cry.

Bucky liked to respect your boundaries but right now he was extremely panicked. He hadn’t heard you cry like this in a long time, and why were you in the bathroom?

“Sweetheart, I’m coming in...”

“No! Please!” You begged.

“Y/n, I need to see that you’re okay. Can I please come in? I’ll leave right after if you want me to.”

He could still hear your silent sobs. “No...” you whispered, sounded weak.

That’s when Bucky opened the door, worried you were hurt.

But what he saw was worse.

You were leaned against the bathtub, halfway on the floor, in a puddle of what looked to be your own urine. Your pants wet and your hair hung in your face as your body shook with sobs.

“Please leave....” you cried out, barley loud enough for him to here.

“Y/n, sweetheart...” Bucky says, his eyes scanning you with a worried and pitiful expression.

He rushed to kneel beside you. Not worrying about the liquid on the floor. You turned your body away from him, trying to escape the embarrassment.

“Baby...” he whispers. It doesn’t take much effort to pull you over into his chest. You felt betrayed, by him and yourself, as you allowed yourself to cry into his shirt.

“Baby, shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He lulls, holding you tightly.

Your sobs get louder and louder. More and more pain echoing in the bathroom with each one.

Bucky’s heart is shattered when he hears you whispering “I’m trying, I’m trying.”

Bucky let’s out a sob of his own, finally realizing the pain he’s put you in. Why did he let himself do that to you?

“I know baby and you’re doing so good. This is my fault honey. I said a terrible thing that I didn’t even mean.”

He rubs your back soothingly as you continue to cry.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m trying.” Your voice breaking into a sob again.

“Sweetheart, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

———

Two weeks later, and you still refused his help when he offered it. You had also refused to see any of the team.

The day after the incident, you had talked with Dr Cho about assigning you a temporary live in nurse. She happily obliged and sent her favorite nurse to do the job, Stephanie.

Stephanie was great. She laughed and talked with you. She cooked your meals and watched your favorite shows with you. She helped you with daily tasks like bathing, small motor skills and getting you on and off the toilet.

She even helped you through physical therapy 5 times a week.

You had made great progress just in these two weeks. Dr Cho even said you should be able to try leg braces next week. You were finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

And yes, Bucky was ecstatic that you were getting better, but he had never felt worse.

All he wanted was to hold you, tell you how much he loved you and kiss you slowly and deeply. He wanted to cook your meals and watch your shows, and help you get better but he had mostly stayed quiet.

Every so often you would ask him about his day. And he’d tell you about the new recruits then he’d ask about your day and you’d say “I’m trying” and the conversation became void. Deafening silence over taking the space.

It felt like a failing marriage. It looked like two people who didn’t love each other anymore. But it was just two people who didn’t know what to say to the other one.

Bucky didn’t want to hurt you and you didn’t want to burden him. So you both stayed silent.

Until one night, you were laying in bed, after Stephanie helped you with your night routine, while throwing Bucky looks that could kill.

Neither of you initiated cuddling anymore. You just slept back to back, not acknowledging the other’s presence.

You were about to fall asleep when you felt the bed shaking slightly. You figured Bucky was just readjusting himself and you closed your eyes again.

And then you heard a small noise. A broken sob, coming from his side of the bed.

“Bucky?” You whispered, slightly turning over.

The shaking continued and then in the moonlight, you saw his back heaving with quiet cries.

“Bucky.” You said louder this time.

He didn’t answer you. He was frantically trying to turn off his cries but they just overtook him more.

You turned all the way around, and placed your hand on his back. “Baby, look at me.”

“I- I don’t deserve to, y/n. I don’t deserve you.” He sobbed loudly.

“Bucky please, I want you to look at me.”

Bucky took a shaky breath and slowly turned to face you, but his eyes were cascaded down towards the foot of the bed.

You didn’t say anything, you just wrapped your arm around his shoulders and cradled the back of his head.

Bucky took this as an invitation to scoot closer to you. You nuzzled your face in his neck and repositioned your arm to squeeze his waist. Bucky wrapped both arms around you, holding onto you for dear life.

It was silent for a few minutes and then Bucky’s voice broke through the cold air.

“Y/n. I love you more than anything in this world. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I would take care of you for the rest of my life if you wanted me to. I’d do anything and everything you’d need me to. I don’t-,” he pauses as chokes a bit “I don’t know why I said that terrible thing. I was just overwhelmed from work and I was worried about you but I never should have said that because I didn’t mean it. And I can’t imagine the pain I must have caused you and I’m so sorry.” Bucky finishes with a locked up sob.

You don’t say anything for a few seconds, but then you breath in and reply “I know you love me, Bucky, and I accept your apology. But it still hurts. I feel like a burden and I was so embarrassed.”

Bucky can hear the sadness in your voice and he can feel your tears wetting his bare chest. “No, no, no, Y/n, you will never be a burden to me. You are my number one blessing and I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I am so lucky to have you in my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

You just sit there in quietness for awhile. Bucky strokes your hair with his fingers. He alternates between kissing your forehead and whispering sweet things in your ear.

“You are the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“I love you more than anything.”

“You smell so good today.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“You’re being so strong.”

“You’re perfect.”

Tears reappeared in your eyes as you smiled from his quiet confessions. You hadn’t realized how much you missed him.

“It feels so good to be holding y-.”

“I missed you.” You interrupted him.

He sniffs quietly. His eyes glossing over and his heart beating a little faster at your voice. A sound that, a few months ago, he thought he’d never hear again.

“I’ve missed you too, baby.” His kisses your forehead and then the top of your head and nuzzles his face into your hair.

It was silent again. The noise of the crickets outside nearly lulled Bucky to sleep when you spoke up. “I have a physical therapy appointment tomorrow. Do you wanna come?” You said and then quickly added “you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just thought I’d offer but don’t feel obligated.”

Bucky’s heart ached at your panicked voice. You were still so effected by his words from a few weeks ago. He didn’t expect his pathetic excuse for an apology to reverse the damage he had already done, but he would be dammed if he didn’t start doing everything he could to prove it to you.

“I would love to come, y/n.” Bucky wanted to make a comment about how much progress you’ve made, but he didn’t want you to think his willingness to come was based upon the belief you’ve gotten better. He was going to your appointment for emotional and physical support.

“Okay.” You smiled and closed your eyes, letting sleep encompass you.

———

2 weeks later and Dr Cho had moved you to leg braces. You had full function in your both your arms and only forgot words sometimes.

You and Bucky had a long talk about your situation the morning after your nighttime confessions.

Bucky did his share of apologizing again and promised to prove it to you when moving forward.

Both of you agreed to be open and honest about your feelings before they bubbled over again.

You told Bucky that you understood the stress he must have been under and you shouldn’t have expected him to bear the responsibility of taking care of you all on his own — to which Bucky immediately objected, saying you never made him feel that way and it wasn’t your fault at all.

You both agreed to keep Stephanie around. She was great help and company for when Bucky wasn’t home. Plus she was a professional at her job. Having her around, actually allowed you and Bucky more free time together to do things that didn’t involve speech therapy, remembering medications, and all the medical stuff.

Stephanie eventually became civil with Bucky after you told her about your conversation. She wasn’t nice to him... but she wasn’t mean anymore.

Today was her last day. You had made nearly a full recovery, and realized you didn’t really need her assistance anymore, but you did still wanna keep her as friend.

“Text me when you watch the new episode, that girl is crazy!” Stephanie said as she gathered up all her stuff.

“Of course, I will! And we’re still on for lunch on Friday right?” You beamed back at her.

“Yes! I’ll bring the take out!” She giggled.

Bucky watched on as you said your goodbyes with hugs and a few “I’m so proud of you”s from Stephanie.

When the door shut, you turned around and waddled over to Bucky. He engulfed you in an intimate hug, kissing the top of your hair.

You sighed and relaxed into him.

“Are you ready?” Bucky asks after a minute or two.

You groaned loudly and Bucky laughed lightly at you.

“So you’re not ready to walk again?” He says sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes. “Of course I do, I’m just nervous. I mean I can’t even remember what life was like before this... what if I don’t feel the same? What if I can’t do it?”

“First of all, there is nothing my girl can’t do it. I have total and complete faith in you. And if you fail this time, then you try next week and the next week. There is nothing stopping us from helping you get back to being healthy.”

You giggled at his enthusiasm. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Now let’s go get these braces off.”

———

Bucky had walked slowly and patiently beside you on the way to the elevator, as you waddled side to side; braces clanking together every few steps.

When you arrived to Dr Cho’s office, she joyfully welcomed you in.

She gave you a thorough check up as Bucky sat in the corner, pride on his face every time Dr Cho commented on how good you were doing.

Finally, she took you to the physical therapy portion of the med bay. It was a private wing on the tower, only meant for patients and doctors... and buckys.

“Alrighty, y/n, are you ready to try these babies out?” Dr Cho joked, referring to your wobbly legs.

She had already removed the braces and Bucky helped stabilize you on the walking platform.

You held on to the bars tightly, knuckles turning white. Bucky could see right through your brave facade and placed a comforting hand on top of yours. He leaned in to kiss your cheek and then whispered “there’s nothing you can’t do.”

You nodded shyly and took a deep breath, preparing yourself.

Slowly but surely you took a small step. And then another and another.

“Aha!” You laughed out loud “look at me, Bucky! I’m not even holding on!” You beamed looking down at your feet moving by your will power. “I- I- I’m walking!” You exclaimed and Bucky’s eyes glossed over with tears of joy.

“Yes you are, baby. I’m so so proud of you.”

———

“Today was a good day!” You giggled as the two of you stepped into your apartment.

“Yes it was, babydoll!” Bucky said admiring the way your legs moved slowly but swiftly across the living room and into the guest bedroom.

“What are you doing?” He asked in an amused tone, from his spot standing in the living room.

When there was no response, Bucky got a little worried. “Y/n?”

“Just a second!”

He breathed a sigh of relief.

You were taking a lot longer than a second but if you taught him anything during your relationship, it was to never rush a lady. So he glanced around the apartment while he waited for you, noticing things that needed to be cleaned or fixed.

“Okay close your eyes.” You shouted from the guest room.

Bucky chuckles and closes his eyes, a big grin still on his face.

He hears you walking closer to him and his smile widens at the sound of your footsteps.

Suddenly, he feels an object in front of him. Out of instinct he grabs it and can instantly tell it’s a box.

“Okay, open your eyes.”

Oh shit. Not just any box. The box you had been holding when he saw you sitting amongst the surprise party after had said the most vile thing he’d said his whole life.

“Y/n...” he trailed off but when he looked at you, you were beaming at him. You hands tucked under your chin as you patiently waited for him to open it.

He smiles at you and places the box down on the coffee table. He steps forward and cups your face in his hands. Your small falters a bit.

“Baby, I appreciate this so much but I don’t think I deserve this. You should return it and get your money back... maybe get your nails done instead, or something.” Bucky offers but you pull back from him and pick up the box, handing it back.

“I don’t think I can return this.” You started. “And, no one deserves to miss a birthday because they made a mistake.”

How in the fuck did I get so lucky to have you? He thinks, a smile creeping on his face.

He takes the box in his hands, glancing down at it and then back up to you for reassurance. You nod excitedly and guide him to sit on the couch.

Bucky sinks into the couch next to you, and taps the box before reaching for the bow to untie it. You encouragingly hold his bicep as you gauge his reaction. Your eyes flipped back forth from the box to his face.

Bucky tears through the wrapping paper and finally opens the top of the large box. His heart flutters and tears start falling from his eyes.

You give him a moment to process before whispering “I got them from the family that lives in your old apartment building... they were lovely.”

Family photos. Some still in their original frames. Before she died, Bucky’s mom was a camera enthusiast, always taking photos of her children. The family use to joke that they’d be rich if mom stopped buying film. No one ever meant it maliciously, though.

And now here he was, so grateful for his mother’s photos. The photos he use to whine about when she pointed the camera at him.

“Y/n... I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, honey. Take as much time as you need.”

“Okay...” he trialed off, flipping through some of the photos. He hesitated before shyly saying “do you think we could hang up a few of these?”

You kissed his cheek. “Of course, baby. I’ve already picked out a few spots that I think would be perfect.”

Bucky let’s out a shaky breath, willing himself not to cry. He continues flipping through them, before bursting into laughter. “Look at Steve!”

“Oh my gosh! He was so little!” You giggled but as your eyes wandered the photo, all you could see was the handsome young man standing next to Steve. He was dressed in his Sargent uniform, a bright smile on his face.

You smiled at his innocence and leaned your head on a Bucky’s shoulder.

“Tell me about everyone.” You whispered sweetly.

Bucky suddenly got excited “Okay! Let start with my ma.”

You listened to him talk about his family, his friends, his school and everything in between all night.

You thought about the family you’d share together and for the first time in a few months you had real honest hope.

———————————————————————

A/N: muahahahahaha

“Good morning my angel” He rasped, voice deep still laced with sleep, his eyes still closed. You could feel his arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulled you closer, nuzzling his face into your bare chest. You giggled at the feeling of his beard tickling your skin, squirming in his hold but he only held onto you tighter, burying his face further.

“Baby, it tickles!” You tried to pull away again, only to have him roll over, hitching his leg over you to keep you in place. “Bucky!”

He smiled to himself, loving the sound of your laugh, the warmth of your soft skin. With you, he felt pure love and nothing else. No amount of money or power would ever compare to the happiness he felt when he was with you. Just you. His wife, his baby, his princess, his sweet angel.

He leaned up to kiss you, his lips gently moving with yours, his hands rubbing up and down your waist. He trailed his arm down to stroke your thigh, continuing to kiss every inch of your face, your cheeks, your nose, your forehead.

“My pretty baby” He smiled at you, tucking your hair behind your ear. He’d never get over how beautiful you were, the softness of your hair, the curve of your lips. He loved the way your hands rubbed his back, your body wrapping around him, holding him close. You made him feel safe. Protected.

“What is it bubba” You pecked his nose while he snuggled against you again, closing his eyes. No one else would ever make him feel this way.

“Wanna cuddle with you”

He held onto you extra tight, falling asleep again. He didn’t get to have mornings like this often, just the two of you, no rush to go anywhere, your bare skin pressed against his under the soft sheets.

“Baby, we have to get up and some point” You stroked his hair, shaking your head as he pouted, his eyes still closed.

“No. Want to stay here, m’comfy like this” He yawned, rubbing his eyes, before blinking up at you. It was rare you got to see this side of him, sweet, playful, an absolute baby the rest of the world didn’t know existed. He was ready to snuggle into you again when he heard to rumble of your tummy, immediately sitting up, sleep completely melting away. He would not just lay around if you were hungry. He kissed your cheek before getting up to throw on some sweats.

“What are you doing Bucky, I thought you were still sleepy”

“You’re hungry angel” You snickered at your husband’s antics, cuddled up to you like a baby one second, and hopping out of bed within seconds. He passed you his shirt, slipping it over your head before carrying you in his arms.

 “Come on babydoll, let me make you breakfast”

Soft Intimate mornings

He stirs awake, rolling over so he can cuddle against you, nuzzling his face into your hair. You roll over slightly so you can face him, burying your face into his chest. Your arms and legs are wrapped around each other under the sheets, snuggling each other.

You cuddle like this for a while, caressing each other softly, eyes still closed, gently feather light kisses. He moves so he’s on top of you, still kissing you sweetly, his hard length resting between your bodies. You look at him, his eyes gazing into yours. There are no words spoken, the both of you just want to feel. You part your legs slightly letting him slowly push into you, a quiet moan leaving your parted lips.

His hands lace with yours, softly pinning you against the mattress. His hips are rocking so slowly, the tip gently stroking that sweet spot with each thrust. Your both lost in each other, eyes locked while he grinds against you, squeezing your hands in his. He leans down, his forehead resting on yours while you bring your legs up to wrap around his waist.

His lips press against yours against, starting to move a little faster when he feels you flutter around him. He can tell your close by the way your breaths are getting heavier, your skin warmer. You’re moaning, struggling to keep your eyes locked with his, its all too much, the feeling of him, the way he’s softly stroking your hair, rutting into you because he just wants to be so close to you.

Soft moans are filling the room as you both reach your highs, desperately clinging onto each other. He groans, spilling into you, not bothering to pull out, staying connected with you. He picks you up and carries you over to the shower, the both of you still unable to keep your hands off each other under the hot steamy water.

He has you against the wall, his fingers pumping in and out of you while you stroke him, tongues tangled together, he’s probably going to be late for his meetings today but he doesn’t care. He wouldn’t trade these mornings for anything else.

Angsty intimate mornings

Very rare. But it happens. You rarely go to bed upset with each other without saying good night. The both of you sleep on the edges of the bed, a thick wall of stubbornness, ego and pride separating you.  He knows your upset with him. His heart broke when he heard you quietly sniffling in the middle of the night; he hates himself for causing you pain, it eats him alive. He let the stress of everything get to him and it ended up spilling onto you.

“Angel, I’m sorry” He kisses your shoulder gently, leaning over so he can move your hair back to kiss your cheek. You swallow thickly, pulling the sheet higher on yourself, trying to move out of his hold.

“I’m so sorry baby” He whispers, wrapping his arms around you tighter, pulling you to lay under him. You look away from him, refusing to meet his eyes while his thumb strokes your cheek, blinking when you feel a warm tear fall on your skin. His eyes are brimming with tears, his lip trembling. Bucky was able to handle a lot of things but he couldn’t handle upsetting you.

“Forgive me please baby?” You pout at him, still not speaking.

“I’m sorry I hurt you doll, my precious sweet doll” He sniffles, burying his face into your neck, his body trembling slightly. You wrap your arms around him, kissing the side of his head. You bring your hands to cup his face, kissing him all over, wiping his tears away. He comes down to capture you lips, groaning, letting his tongue into your mouth. He pulls away for air, panting, hips perfect lips swollen as he starts to trail kisses down your body.

“Please say something?” His eyes are pleading with you but you shake your head, still not saying anything. And he has to hear your voice again, so…

“I’m sorry” He kisses you chin, “So beautiful baby” He kisses you neck. He trails kisses down to your mound, your breath hitching when he throws your thighs over his shoulders. “My beautiful angel” You cry out in pleasure when his lips seal around your clit, gently sucking, his tongue swirling circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves.

You bite your lip, your back arching off the bed when he sucks a little harder, slipping two thick fingers into your fluttering walls, curling them. Your hand flies to his hair, pulling it to push his face in deeper, the groans leaving his making your stomach clench.

He starts to pump his fingers faster, his tongue flicking and sucking your clit, he can’t get enough of the way you’re trying to stay quiet as you came all over his face, his spoiled little princess with an ego and stubbornness to match his. God he fucking loved you.

Your chest is heaving, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body as he continues to gently kiss and sucking your throbbing clit. You twitch from sensitivity, eyes squeezed shut as he moves back up, spreading your legs apart.  

 “You look beautiful like this angel”

His chin is glistening with your arousal, his cock teasing your entrance. You nearly beg for him to just fuck you but you bite your lip, your brows furrowed. He slams into you without warning, desperately fucking you with abandon, making you cry out, your legs wrapping tightly around him.

He’s railing into you, the tip of his cock hitting your cervix with each thrust. You bite down onto his shoulder, causing him to groan loudly, fucking you faster, obscene sounds of your wetness filling the room as you drip all over his cock and onto the sheets.

 “I love you so much y/n” He’s gripping your hips in a bruising grips, his thrusts desperately fucking into you, his eyes gazing down at you with love and passion, he just wants to hear you say it back, he needs it. Your lips tremble, moaning at the feeling,

“I love you so fucking much baby, please” He’s nearly pleading with you, his body weight on you, one hand gripping the head board, the other cupping your cheek. His cock is so sensitive, balls heavy, he know he’s close but he can’t let go yet, not until you say something.

“You’re my everything, you know that?” His face is in the crook of your neck, whispering to you, the head board above you splintering in his grip. “My perfect doll, my wife, sweet stubborn little princess, I love you, I fucking love you”  

“Can see you squeezing me baby, let go, I wanna cum with you, please baby girl, wanna cum, feels so good baby”

The bed is hitting the wall with each thrust, hes moaning, his cock leaking into you, its taking everything to not pour loads of cum into you, he can only hold on for a bit longer.

“Tell me you’re mine angel, please baby, just tell me you’re mine” The desperation in his voce and the feeling of his cock is overwhelming, your pussy clenching and squeezing around him. He’s moaning and whining now, he knows your close.

 “I’m yours Bucky, I’m yours, yours, all yours baby, James m’gonna cum, fuckfuckfuck-AH”

You nearly sob in pleasure, tears streaming down your face as you cum around his cock, black spots clouding your vision, your heart nearly bursting through your chest.

“Oh fuck Angel, I’m gonna cum, gonna cum for you, m’cumming for you baby, FUCK, I’m cumming so fucking hard for you y/n”

Your orgasm triggers his, his cock throbbing, pumping you full of his cum. It’s spilling all over the sheets, dripping out of you, the both of you moaning and whining for each other. He lets his cock soften inside you, kissing you again, pushing back the hair sticking to your forehead.  

 “I love you James”