a farewell to Bicol
Hi, M.
I'm finally in the place you've always promised to bring me: Bicol. Not in your hometown though, but in Dorothy's. If you're back here in the 🇵🇭, you'd still be a few miles away… though maybe that doesn’t matter anymore.
You were right about one thing: Bicol is a sight to behold. Still, I cannot help but think how more beautiful it would have been to share this experience with you. When I see Bicol’s beautiful landscapes, I catch myself thinking of you with Padaba Taka (our song) playing in the background. Sometimes I look at the window during long drives, imagining you are just at the driver’s seat, driving us to places like we used to, like you always enjoyed. And maybe that is the part that hurts that most: the feeling that you exist somewhere under the same sky, the possibility that you are probably just a few miles away or that if I look hard enough, I’ll see you on a random corner but deep inside I know, despite all these, I have no place in your life anymore.
I know it's been months since you last messaged and as much as I hate to admit it: I still miss your voice, still look for your plate number in similar cars, still carry so many questions and what ifs. And so I carry you like a ghost, not haunting but lingering in the little things that remind me of you: the breathtaking sunsets, the rich blue waters, the long roads and beautiful sceneries. Bicol was graceful enough to show its beauty (Mt. Mayon showed up, just thought you should know!), but every sight is a reminder of the absence of the person I once wished to see it with most.
Sometimes I still wish to see Bicol in your eyes, but I have to face the reality: I won’t see that Bicol anymore, and nor will I see you again.
I used to dream that one day Bicol would be a place I could call home, but all it is now is a beautiful destination I was lucky enough to visit with friends. And maybe that’s how I’ll choose to see us as well — a memory I’ll always look back on with fondness. Because even if it didn’t last, you made me happy, you made me feel loved, and just like Bicol, what we had will always be a wonder to me.














