houston, we have a problem

noelle: did we?? probably idr tbh

noelle: um idk actually can we say bc ur ginger and u dont want ppl to think u dont have a soul???

noelle: sure what kind of crafts? like matching bracelets or something??

winnie: well... its tru. if an apocalypse ever happens i'll probably live bc i'll pop out 2 weeks after everyone's dead and be like "hey where'd everyone go?"

winnie: yeah that could definitely work it's probably true

noelle: i just became a member so i just starting living in the house so maybe that it idk "pay attention to me more"

noelle: um i feel like i should be offended by that since ur supposed to be nice

noelle: thats....still sad

noelle: if ur alone and wanna hang out with someone u can ask me but i dont promise we wont fight

winnie: did we not have a talk about how a bomb could literally go off and i'd pop out of my hole 2 weeks later like "hey where'd everybody go"

winnie: why am i supposed to be nice but not... other people

“Dude! Knock!”

So do we really just rot in the ground when we die, or do we get to see our statistics? I mean, I’d like to know how many ants I’ve stepped on or how many dicks I’ve sucked in my lifetime. Wouldn’t that be nice to know?

     I don’t know, that might make me feel like a video game character. Like, if I got emotional strength: 0 and book intelligence: 305 I wouldn’t be surprised. I feel like on some of that stuff you could estimate, though.

i want to celebrate my birthday soon. i’m thinking with a cake taller than me and a killer playlist that i can jam out to for sure, but i feel like i’m missing something. thoughts?

     picture this: me, coming out of your cake. i don’t have anything besides that, though. a confetti cannon, maybe? a nice hot tub? i don’t know what your budget is here, but i think hiring a petting zoo would be worth it. just some suggestions.

audrey: listen i don't know your life

audrey: what one time

winnie: you literally do

winnie: do you not remember? rude

noelle: ........yes we've been over this for someone so smart u dont remember much

noelle: that is the sweetest thing you have said to me and that will be my new insta caption

noelle: ugh fine i wont

noelle: nothings wrong with crying i just don't do it too often

winnie: ok but... i swear to god i've never seen you in the kappa house are you sure

winnie: in my defense i'm nice it's just something about you that makes me angry sometimes but you're ok the other 50% of the time

winnie: you're a good woman

winnie: it kind of just... happens idk i don't cry in front of people a lot but i spend a lot of time alone so

noelle: ik i am i deserve a medal for it

noelle: um not for you help me steal it for me i want a big single being a new member sucks

noelle: a big man that will be taken down by me

noelle: omg does he really?? if he disrespects me can i use that against him??

winnie: are you even in my sorority

winnie: you're kind of a terrifying force to be reckoned with you know... like... a natural disaster in size 5 shoes

winnie: i... don't know i really can't give you an insight to his life please do not do that

noelle: ok i will be it but since i will help u not die when the time comes

noelle: you should help me steal audrey's room

noelle: oh ok i will fight him and win

winnie: you're a tru pal

winnie: why would i steal audrey's room i have a single and i'm pretty sure it's bigger than hers but i didn't have rich ass bonnie to decorate mine so

winnie: he is a big man who i'm pretty sure is filled with a lot of anger

audrey: ok it was kind of a joke don't tell him that

audrey: you're a better kisser even tho we've never kissed

winnie: bc me and camden are really good friends

noelle: are you planning on dying anytime soon that i would need to call 911????

noelle: you literally just said that you only have one friend so who would you get to punch me out of nowhere?

winnie: idk i need an emergency contact who isn't my mom

audrey: camden was my rebound

audrey: ur my #1

winnie: i'm screenshotting this and framing it and putting it over my fireplace

noelle: um ya i would

noelle: i dont want to deal with a dead body

noelle: plus if u died who would i call truffle butter

winnie: ok good i want to ensure my safety

winnie: do i need to actually say it

winnie: i have never

winnie: done anal

winnie: if i was dying would you call 911

winnie: asking for a friend

winnie: actually that's a lie we both know i only have 1 friend and she likes you better