Supernatural One Shots

Your phone rings, and you walk across the room to grab it off the dresser.

“Hello?”

“You’re going to kill me.”

You laugh a bit when you hear the seriousness in Jess’ tone. “I’m not in the mood today. Can we reschedule?”

“(Y/N), I’m serious,” she says. “I’m not going to be able to go with you today.”

There’s a little disappointment with her words, but you know she wouldn’t be cancelling on you if it wasn’t for a good reason.

“That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” she sighs. “You were really wanting me to go today.”

“I think you were more excited about it than I am,” you laugh. “Is everything okay?”

“Kaylee’s sick, and I’ve got a big mess to clean up.”

“Aw, poor baby,” you frown. “Well, don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl.”

“Yeah, but I was so excited for you.”

“I think you were just excited to hold it over Sam’s head that you know the gender and he doesn’t.”

“Whatever the reason, I was excited,” she laughs. “You’ll still have them put the gender in an envelope, right?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “I might just decide to have them tell me.”

“(Y/N)! There’s no fun in that.”

“You’re just wanting a reason to throw another party,” you laugh.

“Hey, you deserve it,” she says.

“Jess, I don’t want a big to do right now anyways,” you tell her.

“Okay, it doesn’t have to be a big deal,” she says. ”But it was still going to be fun.”

“Fine, I won’t ruin it for you,” you tell her.

“You better not,” she says before gasping a bit. “Oops. (Y/N), I gotta go clean Kaylee up.”

“Alright. Give Lee Bug a kiss for me.”

“Will do,” she says before hanging up.

You sigh before grabbing your purse and walking out of the room. Your phone pings with a text as you walk towards the garage. You look at your phone and smile when you see it’s a text from Dean.

See you tonight?

You smile as you text out a reply.

Oh, he’s alive?

He had been working late shifts at the hospital, you hadn’t seen much of him these past few weeks. Your phone goes off again just as you get into the car.

Barely. But I can hold it together long enough to come say hi.

See you tonight, then.

You throw your phone into your purse before heading off towards your appointment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I didn’t know if you’d still be awake or not.” You bring your head up to see Dean walking across your yard.

“Did you have another late shift?”

“Yeah,” he sighs as he walks up onto your porch. Instead of sitting on the bench like he usually does, he takes a seat on the swing beside you. “I was afraid you’d be in bed already. You do know it’s after midnight, right?”

“Says the man stalking the neighborhood,” you laugh.

“Hey, I am under doctor’s orders to exercise!”

“That’s just your excuse,” you tease him. “Anyways, I couldn’t sleep, so…”

“Is everything alright?” he asks quickly.

“Yeah,” you smile. “I just keep wanting to open that stupid envelope.”

HIs eyebrows furrow, and then his eyes widen. “Oh, you had your appointment today. How did it go?”

“She said everything looks great with the baby,” you reply.

“So she was able to determine the gender?”

“Yep,” you nod. “It’s inside that stupid envelope that’s sitting on my kitchen counter.” You sigh and hide your face in your hands.

Dean smirks. “It’s killing you, isn’t it?”

“Yes!”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “You can open it, you know?”

“No, I can’t, because Jess has this whole thing planned and… And I have to wait until tomorrow before she comes and gets the stupid thing so I’m not tempted to look.”

Dean shrugs. “You could give it to me.”

You look over at him. “Jess would kill me.”

“Nah, she’d just be mad at you.”

“And that’s what you’re wanting, isn’t it? To make her mad?”

“Hey, I just thought that maybe she’d want in on the fun instead of being the one to know.” You give him a look. “And if I make her mad that I know and she doesn’t in the process, then that just adds to the fun.”

“You’re so childish,” you laugh as you stand up off the swing.

“Then why are you enabling me right now?” he asks as he also stands and follows you over to the front door.

“Because Jess is going to go overboard with this, and at least there’s a possibility you’ll keep it simple,” you laugh as you walk into your house. Dean follows you in and to the kitchen. You grab the envelope and turn to face him. He goes to grab it, but laughs when you keep a hold on it.

“If you want me to look, you have to let go.”

“First of all, I want you to know that I am putting my entire faith in you to keep it simple.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he says as he tries to take it again. He pouts when you still won’t let go. “(Y/N).”

“I mean it,” you tell him.

“I promise,” he says slowly. You stare at him for a minute before finally letting go. He smiles and quickly opens up the envelope.

“Seriously?! You’re going to open it right here in front of me?”

He just laughs as he pulls the piece of paper out. He makes a big show of unfolding it, and you roll your eyes. He reads the paper before smiling and then tucking it into his pocket.

“What was that about?” you ask him.

“What?” he asks.

“That smile.”

“(Y/N),” he laughs.

“I’m serious.”

“You’re going to read into everything I do now.”

“You’re going to wish you’d let Jess have it.”

He chuckles a bit and shakes his head. “I’m not letting her get ahold of this.”

“Simple.”

“I know,” he says. “What did she have planned?”

“I don’t know, and I didn’t want to find out,” you laugh. “She mentioned something about a party.” He gives you a look. “No! Simple.”

His eyes light up. “Hey! Have you seen those videos where the planes fly overhead and drop smoke that’s the color of…”

“No! Stop making me regret this.”

He laughs and smiles at you. “I promise, sweetheart. Simple.”

“Thank you,” you tell him.

He nods. “Well, I’d better get going. I have a party to plan.”

“Dean!”

“Kidding,” he grins. “Gosh, it’s so easy to get you tore up.”

“I’d rather you just tell me now.”

“Nope. Jess is right. You need a big moment.”

“A small moment.”

“Maybe something with explosives!”

“You’re fired.”

He chuckles and shakes his head at you. “Give me at least a week.”

Your eyes widen. “A whole week?! I mean it, Winchester. If you make a big deal about this…”

“I just want some time to hold this over Jess’ head.”

“You’re evil,” you tell him. “Because that also gives you a week to hold it over my head, and I’m the mom. I’m supposed to know before anyone.”

“Hey, you had your chance,” he grins. “Besides, you know I can’t do anything too loud because it’d cause me to spiral again.”

“But there’s plenty of other things you could do that are ridiculous,” you tell him.

His eyes light up. “Like what?”

You shake your head. “I better shut up before I give you any ideas.”

He laughs a bit. “I’m just messing with you, (Y/N). I promise, I’ll keep it simple.”

“Thank you,” you breathe out as you turn to walk back towards the living room. He turns to follow you, and he stops when he sees the cardboard boxes stacked up in the hallway by the garage door.

“Hey, do you need help moving those?” he asks.

You look back to see what he’s talking about, and you shake your head. “They’re empty, but thanks.”

“Are you moving or something?”

“Um,” you stop and take a deep breath. “Apparently it’s time for me to start cleaning out Scott’s things.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Apparently?”

You shrug. “That’s what everyone keeps telling me. My parents, his brother. They keep saying it’s time to move on. It’s been three months. I shouldn’t be wallowing still.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t have to listen to other people, you know.”

“I know, but I don’t want people to worry about me. If cleaning out his stuff is what’s going to get them off my back, then it is what it is. I just… I can’t bring myself to do it.”

“Then you’re not ready,” he says. “You don’t need to be taking a step this big if you’re not ready for it.”

“It’s not about being ready. It’s about wanting people to think I’m okay.”

He gives you a look. “Well, are you okay?”

You shake your head as tears well up in your eyes. “No,” you sigh. “But everybody’s acting like I’m doing something wrong because I’m letting myself grieve. I just don’t want them to think I’m going crazy.” You turn to look at the boxes. “I figured this was the first step to making everyone happy.”

“(Y/N), look at me,” he says softly. You turn to face him again. “Don’t worry about everyone else. The only person you need to try to make happy is yourself. Especially now. You can’t be listening to everyone.”

You smile a bit at him. “And yet you’re wanting me to listen to you?”

He thinks about it for a minute before smiling a bit. “Well, yes, but at least my way means that you’re doing things for yourself and not for everyone else.”

You laugh as you try to wipe your tears away.

“But if you really want to pack up his things, I’ll help you.”

You think about it for a minute before shaking your head. “I’m going to wait.”

“Good,” he smiles a bit. “And if anybody has any problems with it, you send them to me.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you laugh.

“Hey,” he says softly, causing you to look back up at him. “I mean that.”

You smile softly at him. “Thanks.”

“Mhm,” he nods. He glances at his watch and frowns a bit. “It’s getting really late. I should probably go and let you get some rest.”

“Yeah, now I won’t be tempted to open that envelope,” you tell him as you two begin to walk towards the front door. “But now I’ll be having nightmares about what you’re planning.”

He chuckles. “Don’t worry about it,” he says. “I promise, (Y/N). I’ll keep it so simple that Jess will get mad at me.”

“That sounds perfect,” you laugh as he pulls open the front door.

“You call me if you need anything,” he says.

“I will,” you nod.

“I know you hate asking for help, but I mean it.”

You nod. “I know.”

He smiles softly at you before walking on out onto the porch. “I’m probably going to have to work double shifts this week, so I’m not sure when I’ll be back by. I’ll try to stop by during the day if I can.”

You smile at him. “Do you people really think that I can’t go one day by myself without having someone check up on me?”

“Well, yeah,” he teases before changing his tone. “You do know that that’s not actually the reason why I keep coming by.”

“I know,” you laugh. “I just have to aggravate you.”

He smiles at you. “You tell me if you get tired of me,” he says. “It’s just been nice to have a friend to talk to.”

“Same here, Dean,” you tell him. “It’s been comforting knowing I have another person on my side. And I want you to know that you can stop by anytime. Even during the day. I decided to not work right now and just focus on the baby right now.”

He gives you a look. “You’re not seeing patients right now?”

“Haha,” you smile. “I told you, I don’t do that anymore.”

“You should,” he says. “You’re really good at getting into people’s minds.”

You're silent for a minute before you finally say what’s been eating at you for years now. “I think that was part of the problem.”

He frowns. “What do you mean?”

You shrug. “I got inside people’s heads, and I couldn’t get out. I wasn’t good at emotionally distancing myself from my patients' lives and what they’d gone through. I started getting depressed, and I didn’t even know why. It was like all the sadness and everything I saw everyday was taking its toll on me. I felt like I couldn’t be a good psychiatrist if I emotionally checked out, but I couldn’t be a good one with too many emotions either.”

“So you stopped.”

You nod. “Scott and I talked about it for a couple months. He was so worried about me, but he wasn’t going to tell me to quit, or even beg me to. He voiced his concerns, and then let me make the decision. He said he didn’t want to push me, but he wanted me to know he was worried about me. He made me go talk to someone myself, and he even went with me. It took awhile before I started feeling like myself again.”

“I can’t imagine a job like that,” he says.

You laugh at him. “Says the literal surgeon. I mean, people’s lives are in your hands.”

He shrugs. “They kind of were in yours too, though, right?”

You think about it for a minute before nodding. “I suppose you’re right.”

“But you’re happy?” he asks. “With what you do now?”

You seriously think about it for a minute. “Honestly, there’s not a whole lot that’s making me happy right now.”

“I get that.”

You swallow hard. “It’s really hard to tell right now if it’s grief, or if there’s maybe areas of my life I need to fix, you know?”

“I completely understand.”

“I feel like I don’t need to make any big decisions right now until I feel like I’m in a better place. Even if that means working a job I’m not exactly happy with anymore. Here lately I was just mostly using it as a distraction anyways. My heart wasn’t in it so I decided to quit, at least until the baby gets here. Scott and I had quite a bit of savings. But I still feel like I need something to do.”

“Well,” he smiles a bit. “After you find out the gender, you’ll have the nursery to focus on.”

“That is true,” you smile.

Dean begins to say something else, but his phone rings. You can see the panic flicker in his features at being called this time of night. But when he sees who's calling, he relaxes a bit.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m getting called into work. I gotta go.”

“Alright,” you nod.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says quickly before answering the phone. “Hello?” he says as he turns to walk on off the porch. He turns back to wave at you before walking on down the sidewalk.

You shut the door and turn to walk upstairs to bed. It’s still hard going to bed knowing the other side is going to be empty, but it’s getting a little bit easier. You yawn as you walk over to the bed. You begin to take the pillows off, and you can just hear Scott’s voice.

“Do we have to take these things off and put them back on every time we go to bed? I mean, babe, they’re pillows, and you don’t even want to use them for what they’re made for.”

“They’re decorative pillows,” you tell him as you throw one at him. He chuckles as he catches it.

“I’m just teasing, honey.”

“Yeah, sure,” you sigh dramatically.

You smile at the memory as you slip under the covers. You reach over to turn the bedside lamp off, and your eyes catch the picture of you and Scott on the dresser. It was taken on your honeymoon, and your heart breaks a little at how happy you look.

“I miss you so much,” you say softly before turning the light off.

You used to tell him that all the time when he had to work double shifts. Or when he was working mostly nights and sleeping during the day so you felt like you never got to see him. You can practically hear the response he used to give you.

“Not nearly as much as I miss you, darlin’.”

You fall asleep playing those words over and over in your head.

Your eyes fill with tears when you see it.

There’s a little bump that wasn’t there before.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think you were just bloated. But you do know better.

That’s your baby.

You open your mouth to holler for Scott. He’d want to see this. But then you close your mouth tightly shut, and a sob escapes you instead.

You imagine him running into the room, probably thinking something’s wrong. He’d be relieved to see you’re okay, but then his mouth would drop a bit when he’d see it. He’d walk over to stand behind you, placing his hands on your belly. Or he might even drop to his knees in front of you, pressing his lips there.

You quickly look away as tears fill your eyes. Your heart breaks every time you hit a new milestone, and Scott isn’t there beside you to celebrate. And at thirteen weeks, you’re just getting started.

You hear your doorbell ring, snapping you out of your thoughts, and you quickly grab your clothes. You dress as fast as you can while still trying to make yourself presentable. You wince when the doorbell rings again. You run your towel over your head as you walk down the stairs, and you throw it into the laundry room on your way to the front door just as the ringing echoes through your house again.

“I’m coming!” you holler as you race towards the door. You stop at the mirror above the table just to check and make sure you look halfway decent before walking over to answer the door. You pull the door open, and you smile widely when you see who’s standing on your front porch.

“Dean,” you breathe out.

“Hey,” he smiles.

“It’s daytime,” you tease him.

He chuckles a bit. “Well, I have to work tonight, so we thought we’d go for a walk now.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “We?”

He moves a bit, and your eyes light up when you see Kaylee sitting in her stroller.

“There’s my Lee Bug,” you say excitedly as you take Kaylee out of the stroller. You press a kiss to the top of her head, catching the look Dean gives you. “What?”

“Should you be picking her up?”

“Oh my goodness,” you laugh. “I’m fine.”

“If you say so.”

“I say so,” you smile a bit.

“Well, since I brought the baby, do I have permission to come in?”

“Hm, I guess,” you tease. He chuckles a bit. “Or,” you say slowly. “I could walk with you.”

“What do you say, Kaylee?” he asks as he looks at her. She babbles something and points at you. “I guess that’s a yes,” he sighs dramatically.

You laugh a bit before quickly sliding on your flip flops. “I’d better put you back in the stroller, Lee Bug,” you tell her softly before strapping her back in. She protests a bit, but then her almost crying turns into loud baby giggles as Dean begins to rock the stroller back and forth. He eases her down the steps onto the sidewalk, and you two take off to the right.

“You tell me if you get tired,” he says.

“I’m alright,” you smile, your left hand instinctively coming up to rest on your stomach. You’ve noticed yourself doing that without thinking about it the past few weeks.

“So, how have you been?” he asks you.

“Well, I was pretty sick yesterday, but I’m feeling better today,” you tell him. “What about you? You haven’t said much about your leg the past few weeks. Is it alright?”

“So far,” he nods. “But on the days it’s so hot, it just hurts worse. Anyways, let’s get back to talking about you being sick all day yesterday.”

“Smooth,” you laugh a bit. “And I’m fine, Dean. I promise. I was more emotional yesterday too, so I guess that probably factored into it. It’s getting hard to tell grief from pregnancy symptoms.” You look into the stroller when Kaylee begins to protest about something. She’s trying to use her chubby little hand to shield her eyes from the sun, and you reach over to pull the sun shade down for her.

“But you’re okay?” he asks in a concerned tone.

“I’m fine,” you say softly. “I promise.”

He nods. “Have you went back to work yet?”

You shake your head. “I tried a few more times, and I just end up sitting at my desk crying and then I go home. Jess is trying to get me to take a break at least until the baby gets here.”

“Maybe she has a point,” he says.

You look over at him. “I thought it would be a good distraction, you know? But when I’m sitting there at my desk, these past few months is all I can focus on. I need something to do other than paperwork to keep my mind busy.”

“Like walking,” he smiles. You laugh a bit. “Maybe we should change the subject so you can forget for a while.”

“Okay,” you smile. “Do I need to call Sam and Jess and let them know you kidnapped their daughter?”

He chuckles. “I went over there last night and she cried every time I’d try to leave. I couldn’t stand it.”

“Oh, you’re such a softie,” you laugh.

“Yeah, like you wouldn’t give in,” he says.

“Hey, I’m a woman. It’s in my nature to be soft hearted towards babies,” you laugh. “And to make it worse, I’m pregnant, so that makes me even more susceptible to kid’s cuteness.”

He chuckles and shakes his head as you stop at a cross walk.

“Which way?” he asks.

You point right. “There’s an ice cream place down this way. I think Kaylee’s wanting some ice cream.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “She told you this?”

“Yes, she did.”

“She won’t even say ‘hi’ and she told you ‘I want ice cream’?”

“Actions speak louder than words,” you tell him. “Look, she's pointing in that direction.”

Dean looks down at Kaylee, who is definitely not pointing right, and he nods his head. “You know what? You’re right.”

You giggle as you follow him across the street. “Even if she doesn’t want any, I think we should make her eat it anyway and send her home all hyped up on sugar.”

“Oh, there’s an idea,” he chuckles. When you make it to the place, Dean strolls Kaylee up under the little shelter they have. “You two sit here,” he says. “I’ll go get us some ice cream.”

“I can get my own,” you tell him, but he waves you off before walking away.

You shake your head and take a seat at one of the concrete tables, pulling Kaylee over to you. She giggles and kicks her little feet out.

“Are you happy?” you ask her. She squeals out, and you laugh at her as you lean over to unbuckle her from the stroller. You’ve just got her settled in your lap when Dean walks back with three cups of ice cream.

“Alright, I got chocolate for Baby Kay,” he says as he sets the smallest one down on the table. She squeals and reaches for it, and you stop her just in time. “And for you,” he says as he holds the cup out towards you. “Well, you’re pregnant so obviously I got pickle flavor.” You raise an eyebrow at him and he chuckles. “Brownie batter.” Your expression falls. “But if you don’t like it, I can…”

“No,” you smile at him as you reach out to take the cup from him. “It’s my favorite actually.”

“Whew, good,” he says as he takes a seat on the bench beside you. “I was going to say, we could switch, but I’d really hate to give up my cherry pie.”

You laugh as you go to take a bite, tears filling your eyes as the flavor hits your tongue.

“(Y/N)?” he says softly.

“Sorry,” you sniff as you tilt your head back. That never works, so you don't know why you keep trying it. The tears just fall the second you bring your head back up. “The last time I had this was two days before…”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No,” you shake your head. “No, it’s not your fault.” You set your cup down and grab the other spoon to  feed Kaylee. “Everything in my life right now is marked by an invisible line. The before, and the after. Everything that reminds me of how much different my life is now after… I’m sorry, but I’m an emotional mess.”

“Don’t apologize,” he says softly as he pushes the napkin holder your way. You laugh a bit before taking one.

“Thanks,” you smile before wiping at your eyes. Kaylee gets tired of waiting, and she reaches out to grab the spoon herself. “No, no, no,” you laugh before gently grabbing her hand. She looks up at you with a mad expression, and you both laugh at her.

“(Y/N) was taking too long, wasn’t she, sweetheart?” Dean teases. Kaylee looks up at him before giggling as you give her another bite. Dean gets done eating before you, and he immediately takes Kaylee from you. “I’ll finish feeding her for you.”

“Thanks,” you smile. “Although I think you were just getting jealous.”

“Hey, I don’t get to see her much,” he laughs. “Everytime I do, someone else is hogging her.” He throws you a look and you feign a gasp.

“Me? I don’t do that.” He raises an eyebrow at you and you laugh. “Okay, maybe sometimes.”

“I can’t blame you though,” he laughs.

You smile a bit as you look down at your ice cream. “I didn’t get to hold her much until recently,” you say softly before looking back over at Dean. “When we had her, she was always clinging to Scott.”

“Yeah, he rubbed it in every time you all got to keep her,” he chuckles.

You shake your head a bit. “I can’t believe I never knew he worked with Sam’s brother. I mean, sometimes he’d say something about Winchester and I just figured he was talking about Sam, which I thought was weird because he never called Sam by his last name. But now I wonder if maybe sometimes he was talking about you.”

He nods. “Most people at the hospital call each other by their last names.”

“I can’t believe we hadn’t ever met before.”

“Well, like I said, I didn’t actually live here until about a year ago. Before that, I was at another hospital. Still in Kansas, but a couple hours away.”

“Before you got into trouble?”

He nods. “Then I transferred here, and I didn’t start at the hospital until about six months ago.” He looks down when he feels something cold on his arm, and he laughs when he realizes Kaylee got tired of waiting for him, so she tried to feed herself and flung ice cream onto his arm. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he tells her as he gives her the last spoonful.

“Mm,” she says, smacking her lips. You laugh at her, and she grins before reaching for the cup.

“It’s all gone,” Dean tells her as he gets up to throw it away. Kaylee frowns before squealing out and reaching for the cup. “Honey, it’s all gone,” he tells her again. She begins to fuss, and he sighs before putting her in her stroller.

“We should probably go,” you say as you also stand, walking over to throw your trash away.

“Yeah, she’s getting sleepy,” he says. “Maybe chocolate wasn’t the right thing because now she’ll get a sugar rush and not want to sleep.” He looks over his shoulder at you. “It’s your fault by the way.”

You laugh as he begins to push the stroller back out onto the sidewalk, and you follow him.

You try to keep Kaylee entertained as the two of you walk back to your house. By the time you reach your walk way, she’s in tears.

“Alright,” Dean says softly as he parks the stroller by your porch. He gets her out and begins to bounce her a bit. She immediately stops crying, and he laughs. “Were you just wanting to be held?”

“I think she was getting tired of that stroller,” you tell him as you walk up onto your porch. You turn to look over your shoulder at him. “Do you want to come in for a while?”

“Yeah, we can,” he says. “If that’s okay.”

You give him a look. “Do you really think I want you to take that baby away?”

“No,” he chuckles. “But she’s probably getting ready to fall asleep anyways.”

“So?” you shrug. “She’s cute when she’s sleeping.”

He chuckles and follows you inside your house. You walk over to the closet at the bottom of the stairs and get out a box of toys you keep for Kaylee. She squeals when she sees them.

“Calm down,” Dean chuckles as he struggles to hold onto her. He carries her into the living room and sits her down on the floor, and you set the box down beside her.

“When are you going to learn to walk?” you ask her as you sit cross legged on the floor in front of her.

“Sam said she took her first steps the other day, but hasn’t tried since. I’ve been trying to work with her,” Dean says as he sits on the other side of her. “But she just sits down and crawls off.

“Come here,” you tell her as you pick her up. She fusses, dropping the toy she was holding, and plops down the second you stand her up. “Kaylee,” you laugh before trying to stand her up again. She squeals out in protest, bowing her back a bit. “Okay, okay,” you say before letting go of her. She crawls as fast as she can over to her toys and Dean shakes his head as he moves to lean up against the couch.

“She’ll be one of those babies that are almost two before they’re walking.”

“Jess would croak,” you laugh. “She’s already worried about her not walking.”

Dean looks over at you. “She said you got upset with her the other day,” he says. “She didn’t say why, just implied that you might not want to talk to her.”

Your cheeks heat up a bit. There’s no way you’re going to tell him what you got upset about. “It was just a little disagreement,” you say softly. “I thought we had worked it out.”

“Well, I don’t think she’s upset or anything, but she’s worried you still are,” he tells you. “I’m not meaning to be nosy. I was just making sure everything’s okay.”

“It’s fine,” you nod. “I’ll call her later and talk to her.”

He looks over at you. “She said you were pretty sick that day.”

You laugh a bit. “I’m okay, if that’s what you’re trying to ask.”

He chuckles. “I just want you to know that if you ever need someone, you can call me too.”

You look over at him and smile. “I appreciate it,” you tell him. “Really.”

He nods before turning to look over at Kaylee.

“Look, look,” he says softly, quickly, as he points over to her. She’s crawled over to the coffee table and has pulled herself up. She lets go, giving herself a moment to get her balance, before she looks over at you two.

“Come on,” you tell her softly. “You can do it.”

She squeals out, bouncing on her legs a bit, before falling on her bottom. You’re afraid she’s going to start crying again, but instead she crawls back over to the coffee table and pulls herself back up. You move over to hold onto her a minute, helping her, and Dean moves to kneel on his knees.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he tells her softly. “Walk to me.”

She goes to take a step with you still holding onto her. On the third step, you let go, and her chubby little legs take her five more steps forward, all the way into Dean’s arms.

“There you go!” he says excitedly. “You did it!” You both clap for her, and she watches you in amusement before clapping and giggling.

“Good job, Lee Bug,” you tell her as Dean stands her back up. She takes off practically running to you, and you scoot a bit farther away from Dean before standing her back up and trying it again. He catches her right as she trips, and she giggles before putting her feet back down.

“Yeah, now you like it,” he laughs. She walks back and forth between the two of you a few more times, and your heart swells listening to her baby giggles.

Then your brain has to remind you of something.

When your baby gets here, you won’t get to experience this with your husband.

You try to swallow past the lump in your throat, but it’s no use. The tears are already welling up in your eyes.

“(Y/N)?” Dean says softly as he catches Kaylee again. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” you choke out. “I’m sorry. I just…”

“Don’t apologize,” he says softly. “Why don’t I take Kaylee on home so you can rest?”

“No, you two don’t have to rush off.”

He shakes his head as he stands up off the ground, picking Kaylee up as he goes. “She needs to take a  nap anyways,” he says.

You nod as you reach up to wipe some of your tears away. “Thanks for letting me tag along on your walk.”

“Hey, thank you for suggesting ice cream. That was a good idea,” he smiles.

“Actually, thank the baby for that one,” you laugh.

He chuckles as he carries Kaylee out the door. She fusses as he straps her into her stroller again, and she’s throwing a fit by the time he begins to roll her off the porch. He stops and turns to look at you.

“You sure you’ll be okay?”

You nod your head. “I’m fine.”

For the first time in a long time, you might actually mean it.

He takes a deep breath and lets his eyes slide shut. He wills the images away. The dead body. The suspect running from him. The gun shoved in his face when he caught up. The blood that splattered when his partner shot them in the hand. Just to disarm them. They wanted the suspect alive. But it left Dean with red spots all over his clothes, and more scars on his mind.

“Okay,” he breathes out before reaching out to try the door handle. It’s unlocked. Which is fortunate for him, but doesn’t help his concern any. He begs you to keep the door locked when he’s not home. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened two years ago.

He opens the front door and steps inside. He gets ready to holler his normal greeting. “Babe, I’m home!” But today, his words die on his tongue before he can even say one syllable. The sound that greets him stops him in his tracks.

Not in the way sounds stop him at work. The screeching of tires. A scream. The wail of despair when he has to break bad news to people. Or the most recent, a gun going off.

No, the sound of little baby giggles coming from the kitchen is definitely more pleasant.

It immediately makes his shoulders feel lighter. His heart less heavy. His troubles seem even further away when he hears your laughter join in. He smiles widely before walking off through the house to find you two. Dean walks into the kitchen and tries to stay hidden. He doesn’t want to ruin the scene he just walked into.

Your seven month old is strapped in her high chair, and you’re standing in front of her holding a baking sheet up with your left hand. You have a can of cooking spray in your other hand, and you spray the sheet with it. The sound causes another chorus of adorable baby giggles to fill the room, and Dean’s heart.

He smiles widely and leans up against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches you two. You walk around behind your daughter where she can’t see you, and you spray the sheet two more times. She laughs again, causing you to laugh, and his smile to widen. Your eyes are so fixed on your baby, you haven’t even noticed him yet.

“Ellie,” you say as you walk around to the front of her. She watches you with wide eyes, an almost serious look on her face now. You hold up the can, not even spraying it, and she immediately cracks up. “It’s just because you know what’s coming,” you laugh. Her laughter dies down a bit when she doesn’t hear the sound, but she’s still smiling widely at you, waiting. You give it a few seconds before spraying again, and she laughs so hard she spits up.

“Eww,” you laugh as you walk over to get a rag. You wipe her mouth off and shake your head at her. “What did you do, huh?” That alone causes her to giggle. “You’re a mess,” you tell her. You hold the sheet up again and spray the cooking spray onto it at least five times.

Ellie laughs so hard she can barely catch her breath, and you double over in laughter. When you straighten back up, you catch sight of your husband standing there in the doorway. You smile even wider, and your eyes light up.

“Hi,” you laugh.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he chuckles as he walks over to you. “It looks like my girls are having fun.”

“How long have you been standing there?” you ask him as he pulls you in for a kiss. When he pulls away, he smiles widely at you.

“Long enough to see the absolute cutest thing ever,” he chuckles.

“Wait,” you say, giving him a funny look. “Are you home early?”

“No.”

Your eyes widen. “Shoot! Dean, I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” he laughs.

“Because I…” You stop and sigh heavily. “Because I was going to have dinner ready when you got home. But I got the baking sheet out to put the vegetables on, and when I sprayed it, she… Well…” Your eyes stay on his as you spray the can again, causing another insanely cute giggle to echo through the room. “She loves it.”

“Sweetheart,” he chuckles. “I would much rather come home to the sound of our baby laughing so hard she can’t catch her breath, than a hot meal.”

“It’d be nice to have both,” you mumble.

“Hey.” He places his hands on your shoulders and leans his forehead against yours, looking you in the eyes. “I love you for wanting to make sure I come home to a meal. And you know I love your cooking. But if I have to choose between food and coming home to find my wife and baby making memories in the kitchen, then I am always going to choose the laughter. Okay?”

“Okay,” you smile. He kisses you again before pulling away. This time he walks over to the highchair.

“What are you doing, babygirl?” he asks Ellie in a baby voice as he tickles one of the fat rolls on her legs. She giggles again and kicks her foot out towards him. “Are you having fun? Huh? Is Mommy funny?”

“We’re going to have to buy another can of cooking spray.”

Dean looks at you over his shoulder “Oh, honey, I am going out tomorrow and buying a whole case.” You start laughing. “I think we have another can in here,” he says before walking over to the panty.

Ellie is watching you with her wide, green eyes. What little dark hair she has is too short to do anything with, but it still somehow manages to look wild. Just like her. You hold the can up, causing her to smile widely. She lets out a squeal of anticipation, and you start laughing.

“Now, Ellie, you gotta give Mommy time to…” Your words are cut off when you’re sprayed with something, and you turn to see your husband standing there holding another can of cooking spray. “Dean!” you laugh. 

“Told you we had another can,” he grins.

“You did not just spray me.”

“Oh, I think I did,” he says. You hold your own can out towards him. “Ah, ah, ah,” he says in warning as he holds his even closer to you. “Don’t even think about it.” You quickly bring the baking sheet up to use as a shield before spraying towards him. “(Y/N)!” he gasps.

Ellie’s cackling causes you both to start laughing. Dean grabs a pot out of the sink to use as his own shield, but even he has to admit it’s not as effective as your sheet of metal. You run behind the counter, and he raises his can higher.

“Put it down,” he says, giving you a warning look. You squeeze the top just enough for it to make a sound and he takes a step close to you. “(Y/N), I mean it.”

You can see the smile he’s trying to suppress, but you can’t stop yours. You and your husband are having a shoot out with cooking spray and kitchen utensils while your baby laughs so hard her little face is red. There’s no way you could even pretend to be serious right now.

“Drop your weapon. Hands behind your head.”

“Huh-uh, Detective Winchester,” you grin as you walk towards the table backwards, keeping your eyes on him. “You don’t have any authority here.”

“Drop the can, sweetheart,” he says as he walks closer to you. You dodge him and run to his left side and over to the dining table, spraying him as you pass. “Hey!” he yells as Ellie lets out another long round of giggles. He rounds the table just in time to watch you slip and land on your back.

“(Y/N)!” he says as he drops everything and runs over to you. He kneels down with his knees on either side of your body. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say breathlessly. “Just knocked the wind out of me.” You frown as you watch your can of spray roll away from you.

“I’m sorry,” he laughs as he helps you sit up. “It’s my fault because I was chasing you.”

You give him a look. “You wouldn’t have been chasing me if I hadn’t been running,” you laugh.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You didn’t hit your head?”

“Honey,” you laugh again as he takes his fingers and gently runs them through your hair as if he’s looking for a knot. He’s always been overprotective, but he’s even worse when he’s had a bad day at work. Especially after what happened two years ago. “Dean,” you say softly as you bring both of your hands up to his face. He looks you in the eyes, grounding himself, and you smile softly at him. “I’m okay, baby. Covered in cooking spray.” He chuckles at that. “But I’m okay.”

“Good,” he grins before leaning in and kissing you. “How about you go wash up, and I’ll order us a pizza. Deal?”

“Deal,” you nod. He helps you up off the floor and to your feet.

You want to ask him what’s wrong.You can tell he’s carrying some heavy weight around, but he won’t talk about it in front of Ellie even if she isn’t old enough to take in what you’re saying. That was one thing he was adamant about when you got pregnant. He didn’t want your kids growing up hearing about the details of his job.

“Now,” he says as he walks over to the high chair. “Daddy’s been waiting to get his hands on you, but I didn’t want to ruin the fun.”

Ellie laughs as he picks her up out of her chair and kisses her cheek. You watch them for a minute, just like Dean did with you two earlier. You watch the way his eyes light up as he bounces Ellie in his arms and talks to her. You watch the way she reaches her little hand out to grab onto his nose, causing him to smile so big his eyes crinkle at the corners. Eventually, Dean lays her down in her playpen so he can call in a pizza, and you head on upstairs to take a shower. ~~~~~~~

You listen to Dean’s heart beating underneath where your head is laying on his bare chest. He takes a deep breath as he rubs his right hand up and down your arm. His left arm is wrapped around you with his hand resting on your shoulder. He draws soothing circles into your skin as he presses a kiss to the top of your head.

You turn your head a bit to look up at him, and he does the same to look down at you. You smile softly at him as you use your fingers to trace invisible patterns on his chest.

“Tonight was nice,” you tell him.

“Which part?” he smirks. “The standoff in the kitchen? Pizza and a movie? Or the sex?”

You laugh and shake your head at him. “All of it,” you giggle. He chuckles and presses another kiss to your head.

“It was nice, wasn’t it?”

You look him in the eyes. “You know, I can tell something’s bothering you.”

“Ah, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he says softly. “I’m alright now that I’m home with my girls.”

You press a little further. “Something happened today, didn’t it?”

He looks at you for a minute before nodding. “You know, I’ve heard a lot of gunshots in my lifetime. Especially in my career. But for some reason today…” He trails off and takes a deep breath, tugging you a bit closer to him as if that’s even possible. “We got a call for a wellness check. I was in the area so I stopped in. I found a dead body and called in backup. There was still someone in the house. I could hear them in the crawl space. He took off running, and I took off after him.

“I cornered him a couple blocks away, and he… I grabbed his shoulder to stop him, and he turned and had a gun right in my face.”

“Dean,” you breathe out. You know he’s okay, obviously. Still, you can't shake the fear you feel every time he has a close call.

“I’ve had guns pointed at me before, but I couldn’t get to mine and I didn’t know backup had arrived. So for a second, I thought I was gone.” You can see his eyes filling with tears. “For a second, I thought about what would happen to you and Ellie. Who would take care of my girls and love them like I do?” He clears his throat a bit and shakes his head. “Then the gun went off, and I thought I was a goner. But it wasn’t his gun,” he adds quickly. “Backup had come, and one of the others shot him in the hand.”

“Is that why you changed your clothes?”

He nods. “I had blood on me. I took a shower and changed my clothes at the station. I wish I could have left my memories from the job there as well. I don’t like bringing that stuff home.”

“I bet you probably sometimes wish you could go to work without some memories from here,” you tease. “Like when Ellie’s kept us up all night screaming. Or when I’ve been nagging you.”

“Nah, honey,” he says as he squeezes you even tighter. “Those are the ones I hold onto during the days. Those are what carry me through.”

You smile softly at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he says as he kisses you. “I’m sorry that I let this stuff get to me sometimes. After what happened to you a couple years ago, this job just bothers me more.”

“Don’t be sorry, Dean,” you tell him softly. “I want you to talk to me about this stuff.”

He shakes his head a bit. “I don’t know what I’d do if things had turned out differently,” he says. “If I hadn’t found you in time. If they hadn’t held you captive and had just…” He stops and takes a deep breath. “What if I had never taken that case in the first place?”

“I’m okay,” you remind him. You move so both of your hands are braced on his chest and you’re holding yourself up a bit. “You found me. And we have an amazing life together.” He smiles widely. “We have each other. We have a beautiful baby girl. We have so much fun, and make so many memories together.” You lay a hand on his face, and he leans into your touch. “I don’t want you to beat yourself up about what could have happened. It didn’t. You found me.”

“And now I get to spend all my days loving you,” he says before kissing you again. You hear a cry over the baby monitor. “Huh-oh,” Dean chuckles as he pulls away. He reaches over onto his nightstand to grab the video monitor. She’s laying in her crib, kicking her feet and chewing on her fist. “Looks like she takes after her old man.”

“What?” you laugh.

“She’s wanting a boob.”

You slap his chest, and he laughs as he sets the monitor back. You get up off the bed and walk across the room to grab your robe off the closet door.

“Well, crap,” Dean grumbles as you tie the robe around you. “I was enjoying the view.”

“Shut up,” you laugh before walking out of the room. You walk across the hallway to the nursery and you pick Ellie up out of her crib. “Hey, pretty girl,” you say softly as you pick her up. You walk over to the rocking chair and sit down with her cradled in your arms. You pull one side of the robe down, and Ellie immediately latches on. She quickly gets her fill, and Dean walks into the room just as you’re standing up with her.

“I figured she’d be about done and be needing changed,” he says as he walks over to take her.

“I could’ve done that.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “But it’s like I’ve told you a thousand times. You've done all the hard work with her. The least I can do is change her diaper. You go on back to bed.”

You don’t argue. This has quickly become your favorite part of the nighttime routine when Dean’s home. You grab the video monitor and watch. You can’t see Dean yet, but you can hear him. He’s singing so softly, you can just make it out through the monitor. You can just imagine him bouncing her in his arms as he paces the nursery. You’d give anything to watch, but you know Dean would stop singing the second he saw you. He still hasn’t thought about the fact that you can hear him over the monitor, so you don’t say anything.

It isn’t long until your husband’s form comes into view as he leans over the crib to lay Ellie down. He makes sure she’s settled before he comes back to bed.

“Still awake, darlin’?” he asks softly.

“Yeah,” you grin. “Baby go down okay?”

“She’s out like a light,” he says as he crawls back into bed. He wraps his arms back around you, and he kisses your forehead.

“You okay now?” you ask him.

“I’m just fine, sweetheart,” he says softly. “Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“Impossible,” you say, smiling up at him. He smiles back at you.

“I’m so glad I found you,” he whispers.

You smile. “If there’s one thing I can count on, it’s that you’ll always find me, Dean.”

“Always,” he nods. “And now, I’m always going to be loving you.” He kisses you again. “I hope you know that I love you.”

“I know,” you smile widely. “Believe me, baby, I know. I love you too.”

“I know,” he grins. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight,” you yawn as you lay your head back down on his chest. You snuggle up to him and let your eyes slide shut.

You fall asleep peacefully in his arms knowing that you two will always find each other.

It isn’t long until you hear the sound of a key turning, and you roll your eyes.

“You know, it wouldn’t kill you to at least text me and ask me if it’s okay if you just barge into my home,’ you tell Jess as she shuts the door behind her. She laughs as she walks towards the living room, but then she stops when she sees the state you’re in.

“Stupid question, but are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” you sigh, but even talking is causing the nausea to be a thousand times worse. You hear movement, but you have your eyes shut. You don’t even care what she’s doing. You hear something hit the hardwood floor by the couch, and you open your eyes to see she placed a trash can by your head.

“It’ll make things a lot easier,” she says.

“Thanks,” you sigh before closing your eyes again.

“Are you just nauseous, or do you think you might be getting a migraine?”

“Probably both,” you mutter. She quickly pulls the curtains closed, blocking out the sun. You sigh at the bit of relief you feel behind your eyes.

“Definitely the beginnings of a migraine,” she says softly.

“Did you need something?” you ask her, trying to figure out why she spontaneously stopped by.

“I was just stopping by to see if Kaylee left her ladybug the last time she was here.”

You think about it for a minute before nodding. “Check the floor under my bed. I know she dropped it in my room, but I forgot to check for it.”

“I’m not worried about it right now,” she says as she sits in the chair that sits caddy cornered to the head of the couch. “I’m more concerned with you.”

“I’ll be fine,” you say, your words coming out breathlessly as you fight against the sick feeling building with each word. “Might not be much company right now.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be as quiet as I can.”

You open one eye so you can see her. “Migraines are normal during pregnancy, right?”

“Definitely,” she nods.

You let out a breath of relief before relaxing a bit. You lay there about an hour before you start feeling a bit of relief.

“You okay?” Jess asks as you slowly sit up.

“I think,” you breathe out, your stomach rolling. You sigh and lean over, placing your elbows on your knees and resting your head in your hands. You didn’t even notice that Jess got up until she comes back with a bottle of water.

“Here,” she says softly. You look up at her and grimace a bit. “I know the thought of having anything in your mouth is disgusting right now, but the best thing you can do is stay hydrated. If you’re going to be sick, you need to get ahead of it.”

Sighing, you take the bottle from her. The first sip comes right back up. You’re just thankful she had the foresight to put the trash can by the couch. She sits on the couch, but moves to the other end, keeping her distance.

You look over your shoulder at her. “It’s not anything catching.”

She laughs a bit. “I didn’t want to get too close just in case. When I was pregnant, I couldn’t stand for Sam to touch me when I got sick. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the words I threw at him.

You start laughing, but it ends up with you hunched over the trash can again. This time, she slides across the couch and places a hand on your back. Once the dry heaving has stopped, you look at her again.

“This is all normal, right?”

She gives you a sad smile and nods her head. “It is.”

“Good,” you groan, letting your eyes slide shut for a second. “Because I feel like crap”

“And that’s a good thing?” she laughs a bit.

“Not for me,” you sigh. “But I’d be concerned if it wasn’t normal to feel like this.”

“Well, then there’s no reason to be concerned,” she says softly. She picks the water bottle up from where you dropped it on the floor, and she holds it back out to you. “But you need to stay hydrated.”

You shake your head. “In a minute.” She sets the bottle down onto the coffee table, and you lean back against the couch, sighing as you finally feel a bit of relief. Jess moves back down to the other end, but she curls up so she’s got her back against the arm and she’s facing you.

“Do you feel like talking?”

“Please,” you choke out. “It’ll distract me.”

“So when do you find out the gender?” she asks.

“I have an appointment for next Thursday,” you breathe out.

“Do you want me to go with you?” she asks. “I know you said that the first one was hard.”

You take a shaky breath. “He’s supposed to be here with me,” you choke out as tears well up in your eyes.

“I know,” she frowns. “I know I’m not a good fill-in for him, but I want you to know that if you need someone, I’ll come.”

“Jess, you can’t keep dropping everything for me. You and Sam are going to get tired of me.”

“Well, you’ll just have to start looking for a new best friend then,” she teases.

You look over at her. “You really don’t mind?”

“Of course not,” she smiles. “It’ll be fun for me anyways because then I’ll get to tease Sam about knowing what the baby is when he doesn't."

“You like to cause too much trouble,” you laugh.

“Speaking of finding a new best friend, I hear you might be replacing me anyways.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” you tell her. “I could never replace you.”

“Not even with Dean?”

You laugh a bit. “Well, if you two lived closer and you could literally walk three minutes and be at my house, then you wouldn’t have to feel so threatened.”

“I’m just saying,” she laughs. “I mean, we’ve been best friends since high school, but then my brother-in-law comes along and he’s at your house almost every night.”

You smile a bit. “It’s been nice to have someone to talk to.”

“Hey! You have me to talk to,” Jess says, still putting on the hurt friend act.

You look over at her. “You know what I mean.”

“I know,” she laughs.

“How is he?” You ask her. “I know he was in pain the other night, and I haven't seen him since. I didn’t want to call him and bother him though.”

“He’s alright. He’ll be laid up for a couple more days at least."

“You said the other night he needed to have surgery?”

“Yeah, on his knee,” she says. “The bullet pretty much shattered it and… “The bullet?”

She frowns a bit. “Has he not told you about what happened?”

“He did,” you nod. “But he didn’t get very specific with details. He said the building collapsed on him and it mangled his leg.”

“Yeah, we were surprised he could even walk again,” she says.

“Okay, now I’m confused,” you frown. “Go back to the part where you were talking about him being shot.”

“He was hit about eight times,” she says. “He didn’t tell you that?” 

You shake your head. “He said he had a few bullet wounds. I just thought maybe hey grazed him.”

“One hit him directly in his knee and shattered it. He laid in that collapsed building for two days before they got him out. He… Well, let’s just put it this way. There’s no way he lived through that.”

“Except he did,” you say softly.

She nods. “The only thing I know to say about it is it was a miracle. Once he was rescued and sent back home, they told him his leg would have to heal before they could do anything with his knee. They thought it was going to be okay, but apparently someone didn’t know how to read x-rays because when Scott looked at them he told him his knee was ruined.”

Your heart clenches at the mention of his name. “Scott?”

She nods. “He was the one who treated Dean when they brought him back home. Dean says he was the one who convinced him to keep practicing medicine in whatever capacity he could.”

“How long ago was this?”

She thinks for a minute. “About three years.”

“I didn’t realize they knew each other that long.”

“I don’t know the whole story,” she says. “But what I do know is Scott told him he’d have to have a knee replacement, and Dean keeps putting it off. He says he’s too young. He shouldn’t be having to have artificial parts placed in him yet.”

“Age doesn’t have anything to do with a situation like this.”

“That’s what we keep trying to tell him!” she says. “I don’t know why he’s being so stubborn about it.”

Your eyes trail up to the picture on the wall. The one you stare at every day. It’s really starting to set in that more people lost him than you realize. He had friends, colleagues, and patients. You should’ve known by how many people were at the funeral, but honestly, you weren’t paying much attention. Dean was probably even there, and you don’t remember.

“He’s going to have to do something if he wants to keep walking to your house every night,” Jess speaks up after a minute.

“Don’t worry, I’m not replacing you,” you tease her.

She laughs a bit. “You know, he took the same route every night. He’d leave his house and go right.” She says it like it’s supposed to mean something, and you give her a look. “Until he found out you live this way.”

That’s when you realize what she’s saying. If he went right, he’d be going in the opposite direction of your house.

“He doesn’t like change,” she says before leaning back a bit.

You look over at her. “What’s with the tone you’re using?” you laugh.

She shrugs. “I’m just saying, he took the same route every night for a year after he moved back here. And now he’s taking a different route every night.”

“Not every night,” you tell her. “Just on the ones he doesn’t have to work.”

She smiles a bit at your cluelessness. “(Y/N).”

“What?” You look over at her.

“He likes you.”

Your cheeks turn red, but it’s not exactly an embarrassed blush. There’s a feeling of anger welling up in you too.

“We’re just friends.”

“(Y/N),” she laughs, oblivious to the fact that you’re upset.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you tell her.

She frowns a bit. “You’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset, Jess! My husband hasn’t been dead for three months and you’re already trying to set me up!”

“Hey,” she says softly as she puts her hands up in surrender. “I’m not trying to do anything, (Y/N). I’m not saying something has to happen. I’m just pointing out something that’s obvious to everyone but apparently you two.”

You roll your eyes before looking back over at the picture on the wall. “Scott and I were married four years.”

“I know. I’m not saying you should just jump into something, (Y/N). All I’m saying is that when you’re ready to move on, I know someone who might be waiting.”

You look over at her. “And what if I’m never ready? What if I just want to stay single and focus on the baby?”

“Then that’s okay if it’s what you feel is right,” she shrugs. “I’m not trying to be pushy or anything. I just thought…”

“Well, you thought wrong,” you snap. You expected a shocked expression on her face. You’ve never gotten mad at each other like this. Instead, she gives you a sympathetic, knowing look.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly.

You shake your head a bit. “Maybe you should go.”

“(Y/N)...”

“I just don’t want to say anything I’m going to regret later, okay? I just think it’s better if you go and I’ll talk to you when I’ve calmed down.”

She nods before standing up. “I’m sorry I made you mad.”

You shake your head a bit. “I’m sorry I got mad. I don’t know…”

“Hey,” she says softly before bending down inside of you. “That’s also normal.”

You laugh a bit as tears fall down your cheeks. Now that your anger is subsiding a bit, you’re embarrassed.

“I just feel like everyone is pushing me to ‘get over’ Scott,” you choke out. “Jess, he was my husband of four years. We had a happy, healthy marriage. He died. He didn’t leave me. We didn’t get divorced. I’m grieving him. And it seems like everyone just wants me to move on and forget about him.”

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” she says softly. “I don’t think that at all. I know it’s going to be a while before you’re even remotely okay. I was just pointing something out.” you nod a bit and she wraps her arms around you. “I love you, okay?”

You nod. “I love you too.”

She pulls away enough to see your face. “ Are we good?”

“Yeah,” you choke out. “We’re good.”

“Okay,” she says softly before standing up. “I’m gonna go.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell her.

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiles a bit. “I understand.”

You watch as she walks out the door, and you sigh before relaxing against the couch again. That’s the problem. Everyone says they understand, but none of them do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a bad idea.

You think about turning around and going back home, but you know he’d check up on you if he knew you were hurt. But now you can’t stop thinking about what Jess said this afternoon. If she knew you were here…

You shake your head a bit to clear that thought away. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If you feel like you need to check up on your friend, then you’re going to do it.

You raise your hand to knock, but the door swings open before you get the chance.

Dean smiles at you as he leans up against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was wondering if you were ever going to knock,” he says.

You roll your eyes. “You knew I was out here?”

“I heard you pull up. You’ve been standing out here for almost five minutes. Did you just find something interesting on the porch?”

“Haha,” you smile a bit. “I just wasn’t sure if you were up for company or not.”

He moves and motions you in. You walk past him, frowning a bit at the crutches that are propped up against the wall. He sees you looking at them and he laughs a bit.

“Before you ask, yes I’m supposed to be using them, but only when I need them,” he says. “I’ve had a better day today after some therapy. Not the kind of therapy you’re an expert in though.”

“I figured,” you laugh.

He smiles a bit before turning to walk off to the left into the living room. Unlike your house where your kitchen and living room are separated by a wall and accessible by a wide door frame, his house is an open floor plan. You can see right into the kitchen where he obviously has something cooking.

“You were getting ready to eat,” you say. “I’ll leave and come back some other time.”

“No, you won’t,” he laughs. “I’m just fixing something I can take for my lunch tomorrow.”

“You're going back to work tomorrow?”

“Why not?” he shrugs as he walks over to turn off the stove.

“Because you’re still limping.”

“Ah, I’ll be alright,” he says as he walks over to plop down onto the couch. He motions for you to take a seat, and you sit down on the other end before turning a bit to look at him. “Weren’t you planning on going back today?” You nod. “How’d it go?”

You laugh a bit. “I ended up not going because I was sick all morning.”

“Are you okay?”

You nod. “I’ll probably end up moving my office in my house so I can work on days like today.”

“You shouldn’t be working if you don't feel like it.”

“That’s what Jess told me,” you laugh a bit. “I mean, we have savings so I don’t have to go back right now. I just thought it would be a good distraction.”

“Are you okay now though?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m alright.”

“You could’ve called me,” he says.

“Jess was with me,” you tell him. “Anyways, how would you have gotten there?”

“Uh, I would’ve drove my car.”

“With your leg like it is?”

“I can still drive,” he chuckles. “Its no big deal.”

“Uh, having a busted knee because you got shot is a pretty big deal.” He turns to look at you, and you realize he never told you that. “Um, Jess said…”

“She told you?”

You nod. “Sorry. I wasn’t supposed to know.”

“No, it’s fine,” he sighs. “I didn’t mean to leave anything out the other night. There’s just some parts I’m not proud of.”

“Dean, you were defending yourself.”

He shakes his head. “I’m talking about getting shot.”

You give him a look. “Well, it’s not something most people brag about, but it’s definitely not something to be ashamed of either.”

He looks down at the floor for a minute before he finally says. “I wasn’t supposed to be working as a soldier that day.”

“Is that why you’re ashamed of being shot? Because you weren’t on the front lines?”

He nods a bit before turning his head to look over at you. “I hate telling people, ‘Hey I have PTSD because I was shot in the war’ when I wasn’t even actually in it. Not that day.”

“You were there on the battle ground. You were in it,” you tell him softly.

He takes a deep breath. “I just feel like it takes away from the people who were actually fighting.”

You give him a look. “Dean, you realize you fought right? I mean, you said when they invaded the hospital…”

“What good did it do?” he butts in. “Everyone but me who was in there died. I didn’t deserve to make it out. I shouldn’t have made it out. Logically I should have bled to death.”

You take a deep breath. “Logically, one would think that if you survived that, there’s a reason you’re still here.”

He quickly looks over at you, his eyes softening a bit. “I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Just because everyone else dies doesn’t mean you didn’t do your part, or that it wasn’t good enough.”

“I guess so,” he breathes out. He thinks for a minute before looking at you. “You know, Scott tried to talk to me about it when I first got back, but I wouldn’t listen at the time.”

“I didn’t realize you two knew each other that long.”

He nods. “When they first found me they just took me to the nearest hospital. They told me I’d be okay and sent me home. When I first got back, I lasted three nights before I had to be rushed back to the hospital. Scott was the one who saved my life, and when he found out I was a surgeon too, he stopped by my room at night to talk to me. He kept asking me if I was going to go back to practicing when I got better, and I told him no. I felt like I had failed. Like it didn’t matter how many lives I saved if things like that are happening, and… Anyways, he finally convinced me to go back. So I transferred to another hospital until last year when I moved back.”

“So, why aren’t you wanting to have the knee replacement?”

He takes a deep breath. “Well Scott went in and pieced the bone fragments back together. He told me there’s a chance it could be fixed through therapy and letting it heal on its own, which is why I’m trying to stick to it as much as I can. But if it came down to me absolutely having to have the replacement, he would be the only one I’d trust to do it.”

“But he didn’t do knee replacements usually.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “But I trust him more than I do any of the orthopedic surgeons around here.”

“You know, if the therapy doesn’t work, eventually you’re going to have to have it done, or risk doing permanent damage to your leg.”

He gives you a look. “That’s already happened.”

“You know what I mean,” you laugh a bit. “You might not ever get back to walking right if you don’t have the surgery.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “But I have to be down for at least six weeks, and I… I’m just not used to being tied down. I have to have something to do. Also, I hate for people to have to drop everything to help me.”

“I understand that one,” you smile a bit.

He chuckles. before leaning back against the couch a bit. “I believe the therapy is working anyways. It’s just easy to twist it and get it out of sorts.”

“Well, then you’re going to have to quit hurting it,” you smile.

He chuckles a bit before shaking his head. “Hey, you came all the way over here to make sure I’m okay, and you didn’t even bring me coffee?”

“Okay, in my defense, I haven’t felt good today.”

He sighs heavily. “I guess I can let it slip just this one time.” You laugh a bit.

“Well, I should probably go,” you say as you begin to stand up. “I just wanted to stop by and check on you.”

“Okay,” he smiles as he also stands. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

You give him a look. “Don’t push yourself.”

“Don’t get bossy,” he teases as he opens up the front door. “(Y/N).” You turn to face him and he smiles a bit. “If you ever need someone, you can call me.”

You nod. “I hope you know the same goes for you.”

He smiles a bit at you and nods. “You better have my coffee ready tomorrow.”

“We’ll see,” you tease before walking out the door. You try not to pay attention to it as Dean watches you walk towards your car. He doesn’t go back inside until your car disappears down the road.

“Are you sure you need to be carrying her?”

You roll your eyes. “Seriously? Jess, she weighs like five pounds.”

“Twenty, actually,” she laughs. “My little chunk. Plus, she’s distracting you.”

“Well, I need a distraction.”

“No, you need to focus on what crib you want.”

You look at the assortment of baby things, and an overwhelmed feeling settles in you. “It’s still very early. I have time to worry about this stuff.”

“Yeah, but when you get further along, you’re going to want to have all of this over with. Trust me.”

You shake your head. “I’ll be three months along next week. I can’t imagine getting the nursery ready now, and then having to wait six months.”

“Okay,” she says. “Don’t take my word for it then. You know, I’ve just had a kid and have experienced some stuff.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” you laugh.

“Well, if you’re not going to pick out stuff, then what are we even doing here?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who picked me up. I figured you had a plan.”

“Yeah, and when I picked you up I told you we were going baby shopping.”

“Okay, in my defense, I thought you meant this baby,” you tell her as you squeeze Kaylee a bit.

Jess rolls her eyes. “Can you at least act like you’re interested?”

“I am,” you laugh a bit. “I promise you, I’m all excited to start putting the nursery together. I can’t wait to pick out the crib and the cute clothes. I can’t wait to paint the walls, and hang up decorations, and spend every night sitting in the rocking chair imagining the baby sleeping in the crib until they’re actually here.”

“Then why does it seem like you’re trying to get out of doing those things?” she asks, frowning a bit when she realizes. “It’s about Scott, isn’t it?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I mean, yeah, it’s depressing that he’s not here. I cry every day thinking about him, and then again thinking about how he’s not going to get to meet our son or daughter. But whether he’s here or not, I still have a baby to prepare for. That’s not the reason for my hesitation.”

“Then what is it?”

You swallow hard. “It’s too soon,” you choke out.

She stops walking and turns to look at you. “(Y/N).”

“I can’t handle it if I let myself get excited for this baby. If I get the nursery put together and the clothes put away. If I let myself imagine them here in my arms. And then lose them.” You sigh as a few tears fall. You’re so tired of crying.

“You can’t think like that,” she says softly. “Just because you’re not far along doesn’t mean something’s going to happen. And just because you make it to a certain point doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.”

You scowl a bit. “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to make me feel better?”

“I’m not trying to make you panic here,” she says softly. “I’m just telling you the truth. You’re going to worry your whole pregnancy, and you’ll think it’ll go away when they’re born. They then get here and you sleep by their crib checking their breathing every five minutes. Then when they turn a year old, you worry about them starting to walk. Then it’s worrying about them at school, and making friends, and then they start driving.”

“Is there a point here?”

She laughs a bit. “All I’m trying to say is you’re going to worry about this baby their entire life. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let yourself embrace every part of it, and be happy. So if you want to pick out a crib, and start stocking up on diapers, go ahead.”

You take a deep breath. “It’s not just the worry.”

“Well, if you want me to impart the right words of wisdom on you, then you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on.”

You laugh, causing a few tears to slide down your cheeks. “I lost Scott,” you choke out. “But when I got home, he was still there. His clothes were still in the closet. His side of the bed still smelled like him. The coffee cup he drank out of that morning was sitting there unwashed. His toothbrush was in the holder. His shoes were waiting by the door. Every time I saw these glimpses of him, it was a new wave of grief that crashed into me.

“And I know I’ll be grieving him my whole life. I know that. But it wasn’t just crying over him. It was crying seeing these things that he’ll never use again. Then crying when I had to wash them, or get rid of them.”

Jess sighs. “And now you’re afraid that if you get ready for this baby, and something were to happen, it would be like that all over again.”

You nod. “I know it sounds stupid.”

“No, not at all, (Y/N).”

“It’s just… heartbreaking having to erase these pieces of him out of my life. Did that stupid cup need washed? Yes. But then I felt guilty for days afterwards. Like I was trying to get rid of any trace of him.

“I just don’t want to get too ahead of myself with this baby. Don’t think I’m not thinking about it, Jess. Don’t think I don’t have the nursery already planned. Don’t think I don’t have names already picked out. Don’t think I haven’t been researching the safest car seat, or the best baby monitors. I just can’t bring myself to take that next step and fill my home with these things.”

Jess nods before walking over to hug you, being mindful of her daughter in your arms. “I understand,” she says softly. “And you never have to explain yourself to me. I just… We’re so worried about you, and it’s been breaking my heart thinking you’re not allowing yourself to get excited.”

You shake your head a bit as she pulls away. “I’m definitely excited,” you tell her. “Trust me.”

“Good,” she smiles softly. “Well, if you aren’t going to pick out baby stuff, then let’s go look at the babyproofing aisle.”

“You hear that Lee Bug?” you ask her as you readjust her on your hip. “Momma thinks you’re going to get into all kinds of trouble when you start walking.”

She turns to look at you. “She’s a Winchester. Of course she’s going to get into trouble.”

You laugh at her. “Has she even tried walking yet?”

 “No,” she laughs. “Because someone has her spoiled to being held.” She gives you the side eye, and you feign innocence.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re literally carrying her right now!”

“Okay, okay!” you laugh. “But in my defense, she’s adorable.” You squish one of Kaylee’s cheeks before looking back over at Jess. “You have my full permission to spoil my baby as much as you want.”

“Okay,” she laughs. “But you’ll be wishing you could take your words back.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re really slacking on the coffee tonight.”

You look up from your spot on the swing to see Dean standing at the end of your walkway. You laugh at him as he begins walking towards you.

“It’s too hot for coffee,” you tell him.

“It has been the last few nights,” he shrugs. “That doesn’t mean you can get lazy on me.”

Rolling your eyes, you reach down to grab the extra bottle of water you brought out for him. “Here,” you laugh as you toss it towards him.

“Oh, even better,” he chuckles. He unscrews the cap and takes a drink as he takes his place on the bench. “So,” he says as he looks over at you. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” you smile softly. “You don’t have to ask me that every time you visit, you know.”

“Yes, I do,” he says matter of factly as he sets the water bottle down on the table by the bench. “You’re my friend now. I have to check up on you.”

“Well, Sam and Jess are doing that enough for ten people, so you can take a break if you want.”

He chuckles a bit. “She told me that she took you shopping today.”

“Yeah, she’s worried about me.”

“We all are,” he says. “I’m sorry if I’m getting on your nerves.”

“Eh, I’ll get over it,” you say, smiling softly at him. “It’s actually been nice knowing so many people are here for me during these past few weeks.”

“Even if we’ve been driving you crazy?”

“Just know that I’ll be getting my full revenge when the baby gets here and I need someone to watch him.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Him?”

“Oh, I don’t know yet,” you laugh. “I just… I don’t know. I’ll be excited no matter what the gender is. But I am sort of hoping for a boy. I won’t find out for sure for a few more weeks.”

“You want to know?”

“Definitely,” you nod. “It’d be really hard to get the nursery put together and everything not knowing. And buying clothes is going to be a nightmare anyways, but where in the world do you find clothes that could be for either?” He chuckles as he moves to stand, wincing a bit. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Leg’s bothering me. I was listening to you, I just had to move a bit.”

“It’s all that walking,” you tease him.

He laughs again, but it’s laced with a bit of pain this time. “I’m sure my doctor will take that as a valid excuse when I tell him why I’ve quit exercising it.”

“Tell him your psychiatrist recommended you have a break,” you tell him, watching as he winces again when he tries to move his left leg. “Do you need something?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll get it worked out in a minute. It’s the heat. It causes it to get stiff sometimes. I twisted it a bit at work today too, so that didn’t help.”

“I didn’t know being a surgeon was so dangerous,” you tease, before thinking maybe it was the wrong thing to say. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“I know what you meant,” he smiles at you, letting you know he didn’t think anything of it.

“I just meant like in a normal hospital and… You know what? Nevermind. I’ll shut my mouth.”

“It’s okay,” he chuckles. “Really, (Y/N).” He takes a deep breath before moving enough he can lean up against the house. “I twisted it running down the hallway towards an emergency.”

“Ouch,” you frown. “Are you sure you don’t need something? Ice? Pain medication?”

“No, I’ll take care of it when I get home,” he says before looking down at you. “I should probably go on.”

“Okay,” you reply. “I’ll see you tomorrow night? If you can walk, anyways.”

“Actually, I have to work tomorrow night,” he says.

“Oh, well, the next night you don’t have to work then.”

“Well, duh,” he smiles. “We have a good tradition going. I don’t want to mess it up now.”

You laugh softly and nod your head at him. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night,” he smiles before moving to walk off. You frown as he limps across your porch, and pauses at the steps. He white knuckles the railing going down.

“Are you sure you can walk home?”

He’s breathing a little hard, and he shakes his head. “Not really,” he laughs humorlessly. You go to stand, but he holds a hand up to stop you. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll call Sammy to come take me home.”

“Nonsense,” you tell him as you stand up off the swing. He rolls his eyes as he leans against the railing.

“(Y/N)...”

“You stay there and let me get the car out of the garage.” You make it to the front door before you stop and look over your shoulder at him. “I can do that now because someone fixed it, so I owe him one.”

“Um, you baked me cookies.”

“Then you helped me when I burned my hand, and you also brought me lunch the next day. I owe you one,” you repeat. He shakes his head.

“Scott always mentioned you were stubborn.”

“You’re the one arguing with me,” you laugh before you hurry off inside.

You know he can’t move fast enough to get away too quickly, but you don’t want to take your chances. When you back out of your garage, you’re relieved to see Dean waiting for you at the edge of your driveway. You stop and go to get out, but he quickly stops at your door.

“I can get in myself,” he says. “It might just take me a minute.”

You give in and let him shut your door back. You watch as he walks around the front of your car, using the hood as leverage. True to his word, it takes him a minute. When he finally makes it, he eases into the passenger seat with a relieved sigh.

“Dean, maybe you should go get your leg checked out.”

He shakes his head as you put the car in reverse again. “A night of resting it and I’ll be alright.” You don’t miss the way he winces when your car goes over the bump at the end of your driveway. You put the car in drive and head down the street.

“You have to tell me where to go.”

He nods, watching the road until you get to the right street.

“Turn left here,” he says. You do, and in a minute he points to another road. “Right here.” When you reach a dark blue, two-story house, he nods. “This is it.”

“Wow,” you breathe out as you pull up in his driveway. “Nice house.”

“Says the woman who lives in a mini-mansion,” he chuckles.

“It is not,” you laugh. “It’s just very spacious.”

“I don’t like the way you said that either,” he teases in a fake offended tone.

“The way I said what?”

“Nice house,” he says as he crosses his arms across his chest. “You said it like you expected me to live in a falling down shack.”

“Good grief,” you laugh. “I just didn’t expect a house this size for a single man.”

“Yeah, well, I plan for the future,” he says, causing you to laugh again. “Plus when I decided to move back to Lawrence, it was pretty much the only house in my price range that wasn’t falling down.” You can see the smile he’s trying to hide. When you start laughing even more, he cracks and the smile spreads across his face.

“I didn’t mean to offend the injured,” you tease as you go to get out.

“I don’t need help,” he says softly.

“I know,” you reply. “But how about I just stand there for back up? Just in case?”

He gives you a reluctant look before nodding. You get out and go to his side of the car. He sets his right foot down onto the pavement, and then winces as he tries to do the same with his left. After a minute or two, he finally gets it to move enough he can swing around. He pushes himself up with his right foot, and your reflexes kick in when he stumbles a bit.

“Thanks,” he says when you catch his arm.

“I’ll help you up onto the porch.”

“No, you won’t.” He says it with finality in his tone, but his expression is soft as he looks down at you. “I’m not letting you help me up the steps with you being pregnant. I’ll be okay.”

“I hope so,” you say truthfully.

“You don’t have to stay here and watch me like I’m a little kid you’re dropping off,” he says. “I can make it into the house.”

“Fine,” you laugh a bit. “But please be careful.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he smiles. You roll your eyes before walking off to get into your car.

Despite his orders, you do sit in the driveway and watch him. He gets to the bottom of the steps before he turns and looks at you. It takes you a minute to realize that you’re both waiting for the same thing. You’re waiting for him to get into the house. He’s waiting for you to leave.

You roll the window down and stick your head out. “Stubborn!” you holler.

“Says the woman stalking me on my own property,” he smirks. “I can get you for trespassing, you know.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you laugh. He chuckles before waving you on.

“See you later, (Y/N).”

“I’m not leaving until you’re inside that house.”

“Okay,” he shrugs before leaning up against the porch railing. “Fine.”

You wait at least three minutes before you realize he isn’t budging. You feel bad for leaving him until you make sure he’s okay, but you know he needs to get inside and get his left taken care of.

“Fine,” you mutter before putting your car in reverse. He gives you a triumphant smile, and he doesn’t move until he makes sure you’ve disappeared down the road. As soon as you pull into your own garage, you grab your phone and call Jess.

“Hello?” she practically whispers.

“Hey, is this a bad time?” you ask softly.

“No, Kaylee’s asleep in my arms, but I can talk,” she says. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to let you know that you might want to tell Sam to check up on Dean later. He walked by my house tonight and I ended up having to drive him home.”

She sighs a bit. “I bet it’s his knee again,” she says. “He’s going to have to have that surgery done before long.”

Surgery? You frown a bit, but decide not to say anything for now.

“I didn’t want to alarm you, but he seemed to be in a lot of pain.”

“No, thanks for telling us,” she says softly.

“I’ll let you go,” you tell her. “Give Lee Bug a goodnight kiss for me.”

“Kaylee,” she says. “And I will.”

The line goes dead. You wait a minute, debating on whether or not to drive back by Dean’s to check up on him. You never did get his number, so you can’t call him.

But then your phone lights up with a text.

Thanks for the ride home.

You sigh in relief and your phone lights up again.

This is Dean, by the way.

You smile and shake your head a bit before replying.

Who else could it be?

I don’t know. Maybe you moonlight as an Uber driver.

You laugh before replying.

Nope. You’re it.

You get out of your car and walk across the garage to the door. You walk into your house and shut the door behind you before walking towards the stairs. You make it to the living room when your phone pings again.

Glad I’m the only one, sweetheart.

If your heart rate speeds up just a bit at that, you decide to ignore it.

“Are cookie refills free?”

“That depends,” you tell him as you take the container from him.

“On what?”

“On if you have a good explanation as to why you never showed up last night.” He chuckles. “Seriously, I was trying to be nice and I made a cup of coffee for you and everything, and you stood me up.”

“Well, I didn’t get to get my walk in for the same reason all those cookies are gone,” he says. “I was babysitting Kaylee last night.”

“Is she with you now?” you ask him excitedly.

“No,” he says as he holds up the plastic bag he’s carrying. “But I was hoping you’d forgive me if I showed up with some food.”

“Hmm, I guess that’ll make up for the waste of coffee,” you sigh as you move to let him in. He laughs as he walks on inside.

“I also felt like I had to make up for the burnt hand,” he says as you shut the door behind him.

“Why?”

He shrugs. “Because you burnt it making cookies for me.”

“The cookies that were a thank you for fixing my garage door,” you tell him. “And anyways, my hand is fine now.”

“Well, if you’ll eat this food with me, then I’ll call us even.”

“Hm, I guess I have nothing better to do,” you smile a bit before leading the way to the kitchen. You set the empty container in the sink before turning towards the island. You grab your purse and car keys before walking over to set them on the table by the front door.

“Were you going somewhere?” he asks as he takes styrofoam containers out of the bag and sets them down on the island.

“Just out to get lunch,” you laugh. “So you have perfect timing, Mister.”

“Good,” he chuckles. “So how is your hand?”

“It’s alright,” you tell him truthfully. “It doesn't hurt, but the blister looks awful.”

“Let me see,” he says as he holds his hand out. You place your hand palm up in his, and he inspects your hand before nodding his approval. “It looks better.”

“I told you, it’s fine,” you smile as you pull away and walk over to the island. You both take a seat at the barstools around the island, and he slides a container over to you.

“I hope you like burgers.”

“Um, doesn’t everyone?” you laugh as you open up the lid.

“You’d be surprised,” he chuckles.

You pick up the burger and take a bite, and it tastes so good. Unfortunately, your stomach doesn’t agree. You barely get half of it eaten before you feel a bout of nausea. Except this time you can tell it isn’t going to stop there.

“(Y/N)?” Dean says as he quickly hops down from the barstool.

You make it to the bathroom, and your knees hit the floor just in time for you to hunch over the toilet bowl. You lose what little breakfast you ate, and you know you’re not getting the rest of your lunch now.

“(Y/N)?” You hear Dean’s voice behind you just seconds before you feel his hand on your shoulder. Your stomach begins to settle, and you sit back a bit.

“I’m okay,” you choke out as you try to catch your breath.

Your brain keeps reminding you that Scott’s supposed to be here with you for this. You’re trying to push that thought aside, because if you don’t, you’ll burst into tears and that’s the last thing you want to do in front of Dean right now. Actually, the last thing you wanted to do was get sick in front of him, but you definitely don’t want to do both.

You go to stand up, but Dean gently guides you back down.

“Give it a minute,” he says as he rubs his hand across your back. “Just in case.”

You nod before relaxing into his touch. You swallow hard when you feel sick again, but this time it passes.

“You alright?” Dean asks you with concern in his voice. You nod. “Well,” he begins, “I guess you don’t like burgers after all.” You turn to look over your shoulder at him, and you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. He chuckles and you start laughing with him.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe out.

“You can’t help it,” he says softly. “You want to stand up now?”

“Yeah,” you nod. He helps you up, and you immediately walk over to the sink to brush your teeth. You weren't even aware that Dean still had a hand protectively on your back until you turn to face him. “You can go finish eating,” you tell him. “Although you probably won’t want to after… that.”

He chuckles a bit. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine, Dean,” you tell him as you walk out of the bathroom.

He follows you back down the hallway, through the kitchen and to the living room where you plop down on the couch. You cross your left leg underneath you with your right foot still touching the floor so you’re sitting sideways on the couch. Dean sits down beside of you and angles himself so he can see you.

“(Y/N)?”

“I’m okay,” you breathe out. “I just feel really wiped out now. Give me a minute.”

He frowns. “Have you been sick?” You nod. “Grief can do that,” he says sympathetically. “Dehydration can as well.”

“And… other things,” you say slowly. He raises an eyebrow at you and you take a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widen. “(Y/N),” he breathes out. “Are you serious?”

You nod as tears well up in your eyes. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you choke out. “I am. It’s just… bittersweet.”

He gives you a concerned look. “Are you happy about it?”

“Of course,” you smile through your tears. “Very happy. Like I said. It’s just causing a lot of mixed emotions.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t imagine.”

“At first I thought ‘how unfair is this?’ And I know that sounds awful, because, of course I want this baby. It’s just unfair that it happens after my husband dies. But I’d rather have a baby to raise on my own than no baby at all.”

“I understand,” he nods.

You take a deep breath. “You know how yesterday you were saying that Kaylee being born helped you?” He nods. “After you said that, I got to thinking that maybe this baby is going to be my blessing instead of something to make my life harder. Maybe they’re meant to help me find myself again, rather than bringing me grief because Scott’s not here with me.” You shrug a bit. “I still think ‘he should be here’, but I’m not letting it take over my excitement, because I really am excited about this.”

“You deserve to be,” he smiles a bit. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” you smile as you let a few tears slip. Dean leans in and wraps his arms around you. You let your eyes slide shut as he hugs you, his touch bringing you comfort like it did yesterday.

“I’m here if you need me,” he says softly.

“Thank you,” you say again. “I’m going to need all the help I can get these next few months.” He chuckles a bit. “I guess you’re glad you made an extra friend, huh?” he teases as he slowly pulls away.

You laugh as you bring a hand up to wipe away some of your tears. “Just in time, too,” you tell him. “I told you you have perfect timing.”

He smiles softly. “So, uh, I guess Scott didn’t know?”

“He did,” you nod.

Dean raises an eyebrow at you. “How did he know before you did?”

You laugh again. “He was always worried about my health. You know how you doctors are.” He chuckles a bit. “Scott was always telling me ‘you should’ve had this scan done months ago’ or ‘hasn’t it been a while since you’ve had a check up?’ I think he had seen so much and heard so many stories where things could’ve been prevented if they’d been caught earlier, it had scared him a bit.”

“Seeing what we see in the medical field will definitely make us worry about the health of the people we love,” Dean nods.

“I always thought it was amusing,” you smile. “And I knew he was doing it out of love. Didn’t make it less annoying.” He laughs a bit. “But what I wouldn’t give to have him aggravating me about it again.” You take a deep breath. “Anyways, he had been onto me for a couple weeks about how my bloodwork was overdue. I should’ve had it done back in March. So I went in and had some routine bloodwork done, and he always had my files sent straight to his office. He’d usually bring it home and make a dramatic deal about telling me I have at least six months to live.”

“I can see that,” he nods. “He couldn’t be serious about anything.”

“I know,” you laugh softly. “I just figured he didn’t do that this time because of our anniversary, so he would be goofy another night. I guess he was going to surprise me over dinner, but then he said he wanted to wait until we got home because he wasn’t sure how I’d take it. He knew I’d be happy, but like I’ve said before, we weren’t planning on trying for a baby until August. He was probably worried I’d be a little shocked at first.”

“So you didn’t know until after he died?”

“I just found out a few days ago. I found the file when we were cleaning out his office.”

“Wow,” he breathes out.

“Yeah,” you nod. “I was definitely shocked. I’m just glad Jess and Sam were there with me.”

“Do you know how far along you are?”

“Nine weeks,” you tell him.

“So you’re not very far along at all.”

“No. That makes me a little nervous.”

“Hey,” he says as he places a hand over yours. Your eyes meet and he gives you a reassuring smile. “Your baby’s gonna be just fine. I’m telling you, this is happening for a reason.”

“I hope so. The doctor said everything looks good so far, so I guess that’s something to hold onto for now.”

His eyes light up a bit. “You’ve already seen the baby?”

You smile widely before standing up off the couch. You walk over to the fireplace mantle and pick up the sonogram picture you had framed.

“I didn’t even see that there,” Dean chuckles as you take your seat beside of him again. You hold the frame out so he can see the picture inside. “Oh, wow, they’re so tiny.”

“They look like a little jelly bean,” you say as tears cloud your vision.

“You okay?” he chuckles a bit. You nod and laugh through your tears.

“Sorry, I just… I can’t believe it sometimes.”

“Don’t apologize,” he says softly. “You know, I’m going to have to quit doing nice things for you.”

“Why?” you laugh as you set the frame down onto the coffee table.

“Well, let’s see,” he says. “I fix your garage door, and you burn your hand making me cookies. I bring you lunch, and it makes you sick. I look at a picture of your baby with you, and I make you cry.”

You laugh as a few more tears fall down your cheek. “Technically that last one isn’t your fault. I’ve been crying pretty much non-stop the past few weeks.”

He chuckles as he reaches over to gently cup your left cheek. “I’ll let that one slide then,” he smiles softly.

“Okay,” you laugh a bit as he gently uses his thumb to wipe your tears away. He pulls his hand away just as quickly as he laid it on your face.

“I should go and let you rest,” he says. “You’re probably wore out now.”

“A little bit,” you admit as you both stand up off the couch. “I’m sorry if I ruined lunch.”

“It wasn’t ruined,” he says as you walk over towards the front door. “Maybe next time I’ll bring something you can tolerate.”

You smile, the implication that this is going to be a recurring thing doing something to you.

“Should I have you a cup of coffee ready tonight?” you ask him as he opens up the door.

He shakes his head. “I have to work tonight.” You don’t miss the hint of disappointment in his voice. “But tomorrow night, I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

“Okay,” you smile. And then he does something unexpected. He steps forward and wraps his arms tightly around you. Sure, he hugged you earlier. But this feels… Different.

“You call me if you need anything,” he says.

“I will,” you tell him. He nods and lets go of you before walking out the front door, shutting it behind him.

Two nights later when he shows up on the sidewalk outside of your house, you have a cup of coffee and a fresh batch of cookies waiting on him.

You started the morning off strong with overwhelming nausea. You weren’t sure if it was the pregnancy, your nerves, or grief. More than likely it was a mix of all three. Then you just had to go and break down in the middle of your appointment because you kept imagining Scott there beside of you. Not only are you a hormonal mess right now, but you’re also a grieving widow. Everything’s working together to make you completely overly emotional.

After your appointment, you decided to grab lunch, and you couldn’t keep anything down. So here you are, sitting at your kitchen counter, crying over the fact that you’re having a baby. You’re also crying over the fact that you’re having a baby by yourself.

Your sobs stop when you hear the doorbell. It doesn’t keep ringing in obnoxious succession, so you know it’s not Sam. It could be Jess, but she usually rings the doorbell and then uses her key to come on in anyways. Sighing, you try to wipe the tears out of your eyes as quickly as you can. You set the ultrasound pictures down onto the counter before walking through your house to the front door. You open the door, and are immediately met with a smiling face.

“Hey,” Dean says, concern flashing in his eyes when he sees the obvious state of distress you’re in. He doesn’t mention it though. You figure he just chalks it up as grief.

“Hi,” you manage to choke out.

“I, um… I was on my way home from work and thought I’d drop by and see if you want me to fix your garage door. But if this is a bad time…”

“No,” you interrupt before moving to the side so he can come in. “Sorry, it’s just been one of those days.”

“You told me not to apologize the other night, and you don’t have to either,” he says as he follows you through the house to your garage. You open the door and grab the ladder for him. “Sorry I haven’t been able to get around to this until now.”

“It’s not your fault,” you tell him. “I didn’t even get the motor until a few days ago.” You watch as he gathers up the tools he’ll need. “Have they been making it an easy transition for you at the hospital?”

“Sort of,” he laughs a bit. “I’m so nervous about it. I mean, it was nerve wracking enough getting hired on at a new place. Now I’ve been promoted to head surgeon already. It’s a big change at once.”

“Well, if Scott was pleased with you then you were doing something right.”

He shakes his head as he climbs the ladder. “(Y/N), I have never seen any surgeon as thorough and as steady handed as he was, even in tense situations."

“He was pretty much like that in any situation,” you laugh a bit. “I think the only time I ever heard him raise his voice is when he was excited over something.”

“Oh, I definitely heard him shout out a few orders,” he chuckles. “But as far as anger, no, I never saw him yell at anyone. He did get after a few people for not doing the right thing, but he always did so in a calm, adult manner.”

“If only everybody else was like that,” you say.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I mean, I don’t really see myself as a hot head, but I definitely can’t keep my calm like he did.”

Tears well up in your eyes when a thought runs through your mind. He would’ve been the best dad.

“Hey, can you hand me the… Are you alright?” Dean asks as he looks down at you.

“Yeah,” you sniff before wiping at your eyes. “What do you need?”

“The motor.”

“Oh, sorry.” You walk over to where you laid the box and pick it up. “I was in my own world for a minute,” you tell Dean as you hand the box to him.

“Stop apologizing,” he smiles sadly at you. “But you’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” you nod. Liar.

It doesn’t take Dean long to get the motor installed, and you’re so thankful when your garage door actually opens this time.

“Thank you so much,” you tell him as he puts everything away. “How much do I owe you?”

“Uh, absolutely nothing,” he says. “That’s what friends are for, remember?”

“Dean, you gotta let me give you a little something.”

“Okay,” he smiles. “How about this? I didn’t get to try any of those cookies you brought to Sam’s the other night.”

“Hint taken,” you laugh. “They won’t take long to make if you want to hang around for a bit.”

“No, (Y/N), I didn’t mean you had to make them right now.”

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” you shrug as you lead him into the kitchen. “Unless you’re in a hurry to be somewhere. Maybe you have to take a walk since that seems to be all you do.”

He laughs. “I actually walked here,” he says as he leans up against the island while you begin to gather your supplies. He’s quiet for a minute. “Walking’s part of my therapy for my leg.”

You freeze for a second before turning to face him. “Dean, I didn’t mean to make fun of…”

“Stop,” he chuckles. “Sammy teases me all the time for walking everywhere. I don’t take it seriously.”

“If you want me to stop, I will.”

“Please don’t,” he smiles. “It’s nice to be able to joke about it.”

“Well,” you smile a bit. “If you insist.”

“I do,” he nods. “The only thing you’re not allowed to make fun of is Baby.”

“Uh, why in the world would I ever make fun of Kaylee?”

He starts laughing. “I was talking about my car.”

You quickly turn to face him again. “You named your car…” You trail off and shake your head. “Okay, nevermind. Because if I ask that question then that’s sort of going against your rule, so I’m just gonna let that one slide.”

He chuckles as you put your attention back on what you’re doing. You get the cookies ready and when you go to put them in the oven, you spot your ultrasound pictures on the counter where you left them. You close the oven door and quickly grab the pictures, sliding them into your back pocket. You hadn’t told Dean yet, and you definitely don’t want him finding out this way. Sam and Jess may have already said something to him about it, but you just doubt it.

“Do you bake a lot?” he asks you as you walk over to where he’s leaned up against the island.

“More now than I used to,” you tell him. “It keeps my mind occupied.”

“I understand,” he nods. “I started doing mechanic work after my leg healed enough. Brought in some extra cash for a while until I was released to go back to the hospital.”

“Can I ask you something?” He nods. “After everything you went through, how in the world are you so okay?”

He chuckles a bit. “You saw me the other night. I am far from okay.”

“There’s things that’s going to set it off,” you tell him. “But like just from day to day, you just seem like you’re handling life well. Meanwhile, I can’t stop breaking down into tears everytime someone mentions his name.”

“Well, for starters, I went to therapy.”

“Really?”

He nods. “Hated every second of it.” You laugh at that. “But, I think it helped some. What really helped was talking to people who actually knew what I was going through. And then there was Sammy and our parents. This is going to sound sappy, but I didn’t truly start feeling like myself until Kaylee came along. It’s like now there’s this kid, and even though she isn’t mine she still looks up to me. I gotta be the best version of myself I can be to be the best uncle for her.”

His words bring you comfort you didn’t know you could find in a time like this. Maybe this baby isn’t meant to bring you more stress and grief about how you’re going to do this by yourself. Maybe this baby is meant to bring you indefinite happiness and pull you out of the slump you’re in.

When the timer goes off, you grab your oven mitts and open the oven door. You go to grab the cookie sheet, and a white hot pain spreads across your left palm.

You cry out, barely catching the pan with your right hand just in time to throw it up onto the top of the oven.

“(Y/N)?” Dean says in a concerned tone as he quickly walks over to you.

“Ow, ow,” you wince as you pull the oven mitts off your hands. There’s already a red, angry welt forming on your palm.

“What happened?”

“There must have been a thin spot in the oven mitt,” you say, your words coming out as a whine as pain throbs in your open palm.

“Do you have any aloe?”

“In the window seal over the sink.”

He quickly walks across the kitchen and breaks a piece off the green plant before walking back over to you.

“Let me see,” he says softly as he holds his left hand out for yours.

You lay your hand in his, and he opens the plant before smearing some aloe onto your hand. You sigh in relief when the cold gel calms the stinging just a bit. He uses his thumb to gently work the aloe into your palm.

“How’s that feel, sweetheart?” he asks.

The way he says it stirs something inside of you for a split second before you reply. “That’s better,” you nod, his thumb still rubbing your skin. “Thank you.”

He nods before slowly letting go of your hand. “Sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out. “That’s never happened before.” You reach over and grab the defective oven mitt before throwing it in the trash. “Once those cool down I’ll get them in a container for you.”

“Don’t worry about the cookies,” he chuckles. “Worry about your hand.”

“It’s fine now,” you tell him.

“Promise?”

“I promise,” you smile a bit.

He throws the piece of aloe away before walking over to wash his hands.

“Hey,” he says as he turns to dry his hands off. “Did you ever find out what Scott was wanting to tell you?” He looks at you and frowns when he sees you blinking back tears. “Never mind,” he says. “I’ve upset you again.”

“No, you didn’t,” you tell him softly. “And, yeah, I did find out what it was.”

You laugh at him, letting a tear fall. “Thanks,” you tell him softly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He nods, and doesn’t push it anymore. “Listen, I feel like when I first got here, you were maybe having a hard time. You know, if you ever want to talk, I’ll listen. And I’m not even a psychiatrist."

You wait until the cookies are completely cool before you grab a container to put them in. You snap the lid on it before handing it over to Dean.

“Here you go,” you tell him. “Thanks for fixing my garage door for me.”

“No problem,” he says as he takes the container from you. “Thanks for the cookies, and sorry about the burnt hand.”

You laugh as you hold your left hand up in the air. “It’ll be fine.”

He nods before turning to walk towards the front door. He stops before turning to look at you again.

“I’ll probably see you tonight during my walk.”

“See ya later, (Y/N),” he says as he walks out onto the porch.

“Don’t eat too many of those cookies if you want to walk too far,” you tease. He chuckles and nods his head.

“I’ll be watching for you,” you tell him as he walks down the stairs. He waves at you, and you return it before shutting the door between you.