Supernatural One Shots

He takes a deep breath and lets his eyes slide shut. He wills the images away. The dead body. The suspect running from him. The gun shoved in his face when he caught up. The blood that splattered when his partner shot them in the hand. Just to disarm them. They wanted the suspect alive. But it left Dean with red spots all over his clothes, and more scars on his mind.

“Okay,” he breathes out before reaching out to try the door handle. It’s unlocked. Which is fortunate for him, but doesn’t help his concern any. He begs you to keep the door locked when he’s not home. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened two years ago.

He opens the front door and steps inside. He gets ready to holler his normal greeting. “Babe, I’m home!” But today, his words die on his tongue before he can even say one syllable. The sound that greets him stops him in his tracks.

Not in the way sounds stop him at work. The screeching of tires. A scream. The wail of despair when he has to break bad news to people. Or the most recent, a gun going off.

No, the sound of little baby giggles coming from the kitchen is definitely more pleasant.

It immediately makes his shoulders feel lighter. His heart less heavy. His troubles seem even further away when he hears your laughter join in. He smiles widely before walking off through the house to find you two. Dean walks into the kitchen and tries to stay hidden. He doesn’t want to ruin the scene he just walked into.

Your seven month old is strapped in her high chair, and you’re standing in front of her holding a baking sheet up with your left hand. You have a can of cooking spray in your other hand, and you spray the sheet with it. The sound causes another chorus of adorable baby giggles to fill the room, and Dean’s heart.

He smiles widely and leans up against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches you two. You walk around behind your daughter where she can’t see you, and you spray the sheet two more times. She laughs again, causing you to laugh, and his smile to widen. Your eyes are so fixed on your baby, you haven’t even noticed him yet.

“Ellie,” you say as you walk around to the front of her. She watches you with wide eyes, an almost serious look on her face now. You hold up the can, not even spraying it, and she immediately cracks up. “It’s just because you know what’s coming,” you laugh. Her laughter dies down a bit when she doesn’t hear the sound, but she’s still smiling widely at you, waiting. You give it a few seconds before spraying again, and she laughs so hard she spits up.

“Eww,” you laugh as you walk over to get a rag. You wipe her mouth off and shake your head at her. “What did you do, huh?” That alone causes her to giggle. “You’re a mess,” you tell her. You hold the sheet up again and spray the cooking spray onto it at least five times.

Ellie laughs so hard she can barely catch her breath, and you double over in laughter. When you straighten back up, you catch sight of your husband standing there in the doorway. You smile even wider, and your eyes light up.

“Hi,” you laugh.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he chuckles as he walks over to you. “It looks like my girls are having fun.”

“How long have you been standing there?” you ask him as he pulls you in for a kiss. When he pulls away, he smiles widely at you.

“Long enough to see the absolute cutest thing ever,” he chuckles.

“Wait,” you say, giving him a funny look. “Are you home early?”

“No.”

Your eyes widen. “Shoot! Dean, I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” he laughs.

“Because I…” You stop and sigh heavily. “Because I was going to have dinner ready when you got home. But I got the baking sheet out to put the vegetables on, and when I sprayed it, she… Well…” Your eyes stay on his as you spray the can again, causing another insanely cute giggle to echo through the room. “She loves it.”

“Sweetheart,” he chuckles. “I would much rather come home to the sound of our baby laughing so hard she can’t catch her breath, than a hot meal.”

“It’d be nice to have both,” you mumble.

“Hey.” He places his hands on your shoulders and leans his forehead against yours, looking you in the eyes. “I love you for wanting to make sure I come home to a meal. And you know I love your cooking. But if I have to choose between food and coming home to find my wife and baby making memories in the kitchen, then I am always going to choose the laughter. Okay?”

“Okay,” you smile. He kisses you again before pulling away. This time he walks over to the highchair.

“What are you doing, babygirl?” he asks Ellie in a baby voice as he tickles one of the fat rolls on her legs. She giggles again and kicks her foot out towards him. “Are you having fun? Huh? Is Mommy funny?”

“We’re going to have to buy another can of cooking spray.”

Dean looks at you over his shoulder “Oh, honey, I am going out tomorrow and buying a whole case.” You start laughing. “I think we have another can in here,” he says before walking over to the panty.

Ellie is watching you with her wide, green eyes. What little dark hair she has is too short to do anything with, but it still somehow manages to look wild. Just like her. You hold the can up, causing her to smile widely. She lets out a squeal of anticipation, and you start laughing.

“Now, Ellie, you gotta give Mommy time to…” Your words are cut off when you’re sprayed with something, and you turn to see your husband standing there holding another can of cooking spray. “Dean!” you laugh. 

“Told you we had another can,” he grins.

“You did not just spray me.”

“Oh, I think I did,” he says. You hold your own can out towards him. “Ah, ah, ah,” he says in warning as he holds his even closer to you. “Don’t even think about it.” You quickly bring the baking sheet up to use as a shield before spraying towards him. “(Y/N)!” he gasps.

Ellie’s cackling causes you both to start laughing. Dean grabs a pot out of the sink to use as his own shield, but even he has to admit it’s not as effective as your sheet of metal. You run behind the counter, and he raises his can higher.

“Put it down,” he says, giving you a warning look. You squeeze the top just enough for it to make a sound and he takes a step close to you. “(Y/N), I mean it.”

You can see the smile he’s trying to suppress, but you can’t stop yours. You and your husband are having a shoot out with cooking spray and kitchen utensils while your baby laughs so hard her little face is red. There’s no way you could even pretend to be serious right now.

“Drop your weapon. Hands behind your head.”

“Huh-uh, Detective Winchester,” you grin as you walk towards the table backwards, keeping your eyes on him. “You don’t have any authority here.”

“Drop the can, sweetheart,” he says as he walks closer to you. You dodge him and run to his left side and over to the dining table, spraying him as you pass. “Hey!” he yells as Ellie lets out another long round of giggles. He rounds the table just in time to watch you slip and land on your back.

“(Y/N)!” he says as he drops everything and runs over to you. He kneels down with his knees on either side of your body. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say breathlessly. “Just knocked the wind out of me.” You frown as you watch your can of spray roll away from you.

“I’m sorry,” he laughs as he helps you sit up. “It’s my fault because I was chasing you.”

You give him a look. “You wouldn’t have been chasing me if I hadn’t been running,” you laugh.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You didn’t hit your head?”

“Honey,” you laugh again as he takes his fingers and gently runs them through your hair as if he’s looking for a knot. He’s always been overprotective, but he’s even worse when he’s had a bad day at work. Especially after what happened two years ago. “Dean,” you say softly as you bring both of your hands up to his face. He looks you in the eyes, grounding himself, and you smile softly at him. “I’m okay, baby. Covered in cooking spray.” He chuckles at that. “But I’m okay.”

“Good,” he grins before leaning in and kissing you. “How about you go wash up, and I’ll order us a pizza. Deal?”

“Deal,” you nod. He helps you up off the floor and to your feet.

You want to ask him what’s wrong.You can tell he’s carrying some heavy weight around, but he won’t talk about it in front of Ellie even if she isn’t old enough to take in what you’re saying. That was one thing he was adamant about when you got pregnant. He didn’t want your kids growing up hearing about the details of his job.

“Now,” he says as he walks over to the high chair. “Daddy’s been waiting to get his hands on you, but I didn’t want to ruin the fun.”

Ellie laughs as he picks her up out of her chair and kisses her cheek. You watch them for a minute, just like Dean did with you two earlier. You watch the way his eyes light up as he bounces Ellie in his arms and talks to her. You watch the way she reaches her little hand out to grab onto his nose, causing him to smile so big his eyes crinkle at the corners. Eventually, Dean lays her down in her playpen so he can call in a pizza, and you head on upstairs to take a shower. ~~~~~~~

You listen to Dean’s heart beating underneath where your head is laying on his bare chest. He takes a deep breath as he rubs his right hand up and down your arm. His left arm is wrapped around you with his hand resting on your shoulder. He draws soothing circles into your skin as he presses a kiss to the top of your head.

You turn your head a bit to look up at him, and he does the same to look down at you. You smile softly at him as you use your fingers to trace invisible patterns on his chest.

“Tonight was nice,” you tell him.

“Which part?” he smirks. “The standoff in the kitchen? Pizza and a movie? Or the sex?”

You laugh and shake your head at him. “All of it,” you giggle. He chuckles and presses another kiss to your head.

“It was nice, wasn’t it?”

You look him in the eyes. “You know, I can tell something’s bothering you.”

“Ah, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he says softly. “I’m alright now that I’m home with my girls.”

You press a little further. “Something happened today, didn’t it?”

He looks at you for a minute before nodding. “You know, I’ve heard a lot of gunshots in my lifetime. Especially in my career. But for some reason today…” He trails off and takes a deep breath, tugging you a bit closer to him as if that’s even possible. “We got a call for a wellness check. I was in the area so I stopped in. I found a dead body and called in backup. There was still someone in the house. I could hear them in the crawl space. He took off running, and I took off after him.

“I cornered him a couple blocks away, and he… I grabbed his shoulder to stop him, and he turned and had a gun right in my face.”

“Dean,” you breathe out. You know he’s okay, obviously. Still, you can't shake the fear you feel every time he has a close call.

“I’ve had guns pointed at me before, but I couldn’t get to mine and I didn’t know backup had arrived. So for a second, I thought I was gone.” You can see his eyes filling with tears. “For a second, I thought about what would happen to you and Ellie. Who would take care of my girls and love them like I do?” He clears his throat a bit and shakes his head. “Then the gun went off, and I thought I was a goner. But it wasn’t his gun,” he adds quickly. “Backup had come, and one of the others shot him in the hand.”

“Is that why you changed your clothes?”

He nods. “I had blood on me. I took a shower and changed my clothes at the station. I wish I could have left my memories from the job there as well. I don’t like bringing that stuff home.”

“I bet you probably sometimes wish you could go to work without some memories from here,” you tease. “Like when Ellie’s kept us up all night screaming. Or when I’ve been nagging you.”

“Nah, honey,” he says as he squeezes you even tighter. “Those are the ones I hold onto during the days. Those are what carry me through.”

You smile softly at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he says as he kisses you. “I’m sorry that I let this stuff get to me sometimes. After what happened to you a couple years ago, this job just bothers me more.”

“Don’t be sorry, Dean,” you tell him softly. “I want you to talk to me about this stuff.”

He shakes his head a bit. “I don’t know what I’d do if things had turned out differently,” he says. “If I hadn’t found you in time. If they hadn’t held you captive and had just…” He stops and takes a deep breath. “What if I had never taken that case in the first place?”

“I’m okay,” you remind him. You move so both of your hands are braced on his chest and you’re holding yourself up a bit. “You found me. And we have an amazing life together.” He smiles widely. “We have each other. We have a beautiful baby girl. We have so much fun, and make so many memories together.” You lay a hand on his face, and he leans into your touch. “I don’t want you to beat yourself up about what could have happened. It didn’t. You found me.”

“And now I get to spend all my days loving you,” he says before kissing you again. You hear a cry over the baby monitor. “Huh-oh,” Dean chuckles as he pulls away. He reaches over onto his nightstand to grab the video monitor. She’s laying in her crib, kicking her feet and chewing on her fist. “Looks like she takes after her old man.”

“What?” you laugh.

“She’s wanting a boob.”

You slap his chest, and he laughs as he sets the monitor back. You get up off the bed and walk across the room to grab your robe off the closet door.

“Well, crap,” Dean grumbles as you tie the robe around you. “I was enjoying the view.”

“Shut up,” you laugh before walking out of the room. You walk across the hallway to the nursery and you pick Ellie up out of her crib. “Hey, pretty girl,” you say softly as you pick her up. You walk over to the rocking chair and sit down with her cradled in your arms. You pull one side of the robe down, and Ellie immediately latches on. She quickly gets her fill, and Dean walks into the room just as you’re standing up with her.

“I figured she’d be about done and be needing changed,” he says as he walks over to take her.

“I could’ve done that.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “But it’s like I’ve told you a thousand times. You've done all the hard work with her. The least I can do is change her diaper. You go on back to bed.”

You don’t argue. This has quickly become your favorite part of the nighttime routine when Dean’s home. You grab the video monitor and watch. You can’t see Dean yet, but you can hear him. He’s singing so softly, you can just make it out through the monitor. You can just imagine him bouncing her in his arms as he paces the nursery. You’d give anything to watch, but you know Dean would stop singing the second he saw you. He still hasn’t thought about the fact that you can hear him over the monitor, so you don’t say anything.

It isn’t long until your husband’s form comes into view as he leans over the crib to lay Ellie down. He makes sure she’s settled before he comes back to bed.

“Still awake, darlin’?” he asks softly.

“Yeah,” you grin. “Baby go down okay?”

“She’s out like a light,” he says as he crawls back into bed. He wraps his arms back around you, and he kisses your forehead.

“You okay now?” you ask him.

“I’m just fine, sweetheart,” he says softly. “Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“Impossible,” you say, smiling up at him. He smiles back at you.

“I’m so glad I found you,” he whispers.

You smile. “If there’s one thing I can count on, it’s that you’ll always find me, Dean.”

“Always,” he nods. “And now, I’m always going to be loving you.” He kisses you again. “I hope you know that I love you.”

“I know,” you smile widely. “Believe me, baby, I know. I love you too.”

“I know,” he grins. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight,” you yawn as you lay your head back down on his chest. You snuggle up to him and let your eyes slide shut.

You fall asleep peacefully in his arms knowing that you two will always find each other.

It isn’t long until you hear the sound of a key turning, and you roll your eyes.

“You know, it wouldn’t kill you to at least text me and ask me if it’s okay if you just barge into my home,’ you tell Jess as she shuts the door behind her. She laughs as she walks towards the living room, but then she stops when she sees the state you’re in.

“Stupid question, but are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” you sigh, but even talking is causing the nausea to be a thousand times worse. You hear movement, but you have your eyes shut. You don’t even care what she’s doing. You hear something hit the hardwood floor by the couch, and you open your eyes to see she placed a trash can by your head.

“It’ll make things a lot easier,” she says.

“Thanks,” you sigh before closing your eyes again.

“Are you just nauseous, or do you think you might be getting a migraine?”

“Probably both,” you mutter. She quickly pulls the curtains closed, blocking out the sun. You sigh at the bit of relief you feel behind your eyes.

“Definitely the beginnings of a migraine,” she says softly.

“Did you need something?” you ask her, trying to figure out why she spontaneously stopped by.

“I was just stopping by to see if Kaylee left her ladybug the last time she was here.”

You think about it for a minute before nodding. “Check the floor under my bed. I know she dropped it in my room, but I forgot to check for it.”

“I’m not worried about it right now,” she says as she sits in the chair that sits caddy cornered to the head of the couch. “I’m more concerned with you.”

“I’ll be fine,” you say, your words coming out breathlessly as you fight against the sick feeling building with each word. “Might not be much company right now.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be as quiet as I can.”

You open one eye so you can see her. “Migraines are normal during pregnancy, right?”

“Definitely,” she nods.

You let out a breath of relief before relaxing a bit. You lay there about an hour before you start feeling a bit of relief.

“You okay?” Jess asks as you slowly sit up.

“I think,” you breathe out, your stomach rolling. You sigh and lean over, placing your elbows on your knees and resting your head in your hands. You didn’t even notice that Jess got up until she comes back with a bottle of water.

“Here,” she says softly. You look up at her and grimace a bit. “I know the thought of having anything in your mouth is disgusting right now, but the best thing you can do is stay hydrated. If you’re going to be sick, you need to get ahead of it.”

Sighing, you take the bottle from her. The first sip comes right back up. You’re just thankful she had the foresight to put the trash can by the couch. She sits on the couch, but moves to the other end, keeping her distance.

You look over your shoulder at her. “It’s not anything catching.”

She laughs a bit. “I didn’t want to get too close just in case. When I was pregnant, I couldn’t stand for Sam to touch me when I got sick. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the words I threw at him.

You start laughing, but it ends up with you hunched over the trash can again. This time, she slides across the couch and places a hand on your back. Once the dry heaving has stopped, you look at her again.

“This is all normal, right?”

She gives you a sad smile and nods her head. “It is.”

“Good,” you groan, letting your eyes slide shut for a second. “Because I feel like crap”

“And that’s a good thing?” she laughs a bit.

“Not for me,” you sigh. “But I’d be concerned if it wasn’t normal to feel like this.”

“Well, then there’s no reason to be concerned,” she says softly. She picks the water bottle up from where you dropped it on the floor, and she holds it back out to you. “But you need to stay hydrated.”

You shake your head. “In a minute.” She sets the bottle down onto the coffee table, and you lean back against the couch, sighing as you finally feel a bit of relief. Jess moves back down to the other end, but she curls up so she’s got her back against the arm and she’s facing you.

“Do you feel like talking?”

“Please,” you choke out. “It’ll distract me.”

“So when do you find out the gender?” she asks.

“I have an appointment for next Thursday,” you breathe out.

“Do you want me to go with you?” she asks. “I know you said that the first one was hard.”

You take a shaky breath. “He’s supposed to be here with me,” you choke out as tears well up in your eyes.

“I know,” she frowns. “I know I’m not a good fill-in for him, but I want you to know that if you need someone, I’ll come.”

“Jess, you can’t keep dropping everything for me. You and Sam are going to get tired of me.”

“Well, you’ll just have to start looking for a new best friend then,” she teases.

You look over at her. “You really don’t mind?”

“Of course not,” she smiles. “It’ll be fun for me anyways because then I’ll get to tease Sam about knowing what the baby is when he doesn't."

“You like to cause too much trouble,” you laugh.

“Speaking of finding a new best friend, I hear you might be replacing me anyways.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” you tell her. “I could never replace you.”

“Not even with Dean?”

You laugh a bit. “Well, if you two lived closer and you could literally walk three minutes and be at my house, then you wouldn’t have to feel so threatened.”

“I’m just saying,” she laughs. “I mean, we’ve been best friends since high school, but then my brother-in-law comes along and he’s at your house almost every night.”

You smile a bit. “It’s been nice to have someone to talk to.”

“Hey! You have me to talk to,” Jess says, still putting on the hurt friend act.

You look over at her. “You know what I mean.”

“I know,” she laughs.

“How is he?” You ask her. “I know he was in pain the other night, and I haven't seen him since. I didn’t want to call him and bother him though.”

“He’s alright. He’ll be laid up for a couple more days at least."

“You said the other night he needed to have surgery?”

“Yeah, on his knee,” she says. “The bullet pretty much shattered it and… “The bullet?”

She frowns a bit. “Has he not told you about what happened?”

“He did,” you nod. “But he didn’t get very specific with details. He said the building collapsed on him and it mangled his leg.”

“Yeah, we were surprised he could even walk again,” she says.

“Okay, now I’m confused,” you frown. “Go back to the part where you were talking about him being shot.”

“He was hit about eight times,” she says. “He didn’t tell you that?” 

You shake your head. “He said he had a few bullet wounds. I just thought maybe hey grazed him.”

“One hit him directly in his knee and shattered it. He laid in that collapsed building for two days before they got him out. He… Well, let’s just put it this way. There’s no way he lived through that.”

“Except he did,” you say softly.

She nods. “The only thing I know to say about it is it was a miracle. Once he was rescued and sent back home, they told him his leg would have to heal before they could do anything with his knee. They thought it was going to be okay, but apparently someone didn’t know how to read x-rays because when Scott looked at them he told him his knee was ruined.”

Your heart clenches at the mention of his name. “Scott?”

She nods. “He was the one who treated Dean when they brought him back home. Dean says he was the one who convinced him to keep practicing medicine in whatever capacity he could.”

“How long ago was this?”

She thinks for a minute. “About three years.”

“I didn’t realize they knew each other that long.”

“I don’t know the whole story,” she says. “But what I do know is Scott told him he’d have to have a knee replacement, and Dean keeps putting it off. He says he’s too young. He shouldn’t be having to have artificial parts placed in him yet.”

“Age doesn’t have anything to do with a situation like this.”

“That’s what we keep trying to tell him!” she says. “I don’t know why he’s being so stubborn about it.”

Your eyes trail up to the picture on the wall. The one you stare at every day. It’s really starting to set in that more people lost him than you realize. He had friends, colleagues, and patients. You should’ve known by how many people were at the funeral, but honestly, you weren’t paying much attention. Dean was probably even there, and you don’t remember.

“He’s going to have to do something if he wants to keep walking to your house every night,” Jess speaks up after a minute.

“Don’t worry, I’m not replacing you,” you tease her.

She laughs a bit. “You know, he took the same route every night. He’d leave his house and go right.” She says it like it’s supposed to mean something, and you give her a look. “Until he found out you live this way.”

That’s when you realize what she’s saying. If he went right, he’d be going in the opposite direction of your house.

“He doesn’t like change,” she says before leaning back a bit.

You look over at her. “What’s with the tone you’re using?” you laugh.

She shrugs. “I’m just saying, he took the same route every night for a year after he moved back here. And now he’s taking a different route every night.”

“Not every night,” you tell her. “Just on the ones he doesn’t have to work.”

She smiles a bit at your cluelessness. “(Y/N).”

“What?” You look over at her.

“He likes you.”

Your cheeks turn red, but it’s not exactly an embarrassed blush. There’s a feeling of anger welling up in you too.

“We’re just friends.”

“(Y/N),” she laughs, oblivious to the fact that you’re upset.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you tell her.

She frowns a bit. “You’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset, Jess! My husband hasn’t been dead for three months and you’re already trying to set me up!”

“Hey,” she says softly as she puts her hands up in surrender. “I’m not trying to do anything, (Y/N). I’m not saying something has to happen. I’m just pointing out something that’s obvious to everyone but apparently you two.”

You roll your eyes before looking back over at the picture on the wall. “Scott and I were married four years.”

“I know. I’m not saying you should just jump into something, (Y/N). All I’m saying is that when you’re ready to move on, I know someone who might be waiting.”

You look over at her. “And what if I’m never ready? What if I just want to stay single and focus on the baby?”

“Then that’s okay if it’s what you feel is right,” she shrugs. “I’m not trying to be pushy or anything. I just thought…”

“Well, you thought wrong,” you snap. You expected a shocked expression on her face. You’ve never gotten mad at each other like this. Instead, she gives you a sympathetic, knowing look.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly.

You shake your head a bit. “Maybe you should go.”

“(Y/N)...”

“I just don’t want to say anything I’m going to regret later, okay? I just think it’s better if you go and I’ll talk to you when I’ve calmed down.”

She nods before standing up. “I’m sorry I made you mad.”

You shake your head a bit. “I’m sorry I got mad. I don’t know…”

“Hey,” she says softly before bending down inside of you. “That’s also normal.”

You laugh a bit as tears fall down your cheeks. Now that your anger is subsiding a bit, you’re embarrassed.

“I just feel like everyone is pushing me to ‘get over’ Scott,” you choke out. “Jess, he was my husband of four years. We had a happy, healthy marriage. He died. He didn’t leave me. We didn’t get divorced. I’m grieving him. And it seems like everyone just wants me to move on and forget about him.”

“That’s not what I was trying to do,” she says softly. “I don’t think that at all. I know it’s going to be a while before you’re even remotely okay. I was just pointing something out.” you nod a bit and she wraps her arms around you. “I love you, okay?”

You nod. “I love you too.”

She pulls away enough to see your face. “ Are we good?”

“Yeah,” you choke out. “We’re good.”

“Okay,” she says softly before standing up. “I’m gonna go.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell her.

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiles a bit. “I understand.”

You watch as she walks out the door, and you sigh before relaxing against the couch again. That’s the problem. Everyone says they understand, but none of them do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a bad idea.

You think about turning around and going back home, but you know he’d check up on you if he knew you were hurt. But now you can’t stop thinking about what Jess said this afternoon. If she knew you were here…

You shake your head a bit to clear that thought away. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If you feel like you need to check up on your friend, then you’re going to do it.

You raise your hand to knock, but the door swings open before you get the chance.

Dean smiles at you as he leans up against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I was wondering if you were ever going to knock,” he says.

You roll your eyes. “You knew I was out here?”

“I heard you pull up. You’ve been standing out here for almost five minutes. Did you just find something interesting on the porch?”

“Haha,” you smile a bit. “I just wasn’t sure if you were up for company or not.”

He moves and motions you in. You walk past him, frowning a bit at the crutches that are propped up against the wall. He sees you looking at them and he laughs a bit.

“Before you ask, yes I’m supposed to be using them, but only when I need them,” he says. “I’ve had a better day today after some therapy. Not the kind of therapy you’re an expert in though.”

“I figured,” you laugh.

He smiles a bit before turning to walk off to the left into the living room. Unlike your house where your kitchen and living room are separated by a wall and accessible by a wide door frame, his house is an open floor plan. You can see right into the kitchen where he obviously has something cooking.

“You were getting ready to eat,” you say. “I’ll leave and come back some other time.”

“No, you won’t,” he laughs. “I’m just fixing something I can take for my lunch tomorrow.”

“You're going back to work tomorrow?”

“Why not?” he shrugs as he walks over to turn off the stove.

“Because you’re still limping.”

“Ah, I’ll be alright,” he says as he walks over to plop down onto the couch. He motions for you to take a seat, and you sit down on the other end before turning a bit to look at him. “Weren’t you planning on going back today?” You nod. “How’d it go?”

You laugh a bit. “I ended up not going because I was sick all morning.”

“Are you okay?”

You nod. “I’ll probably end up moving my office in my house so I can work on days like today.”

“You shouldn’t be working if you don't feel like it.”

“That’s what Jess told me,” you laugh a bit. “I mean, we have savings so I don’t have to go back right now. I just thought it would be a good distraction.”

“Are you okay now though?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “I’m alright.”

“You could’ve called me,” he says.

“Jess was with me,” you tell him. “Anyways, how would you have gotten there?”

“Uh, I would’ve drove my car.”

“With your leg like it is?”

“I can still drive,” he chuckles. “Its no big deal.”

“Uh, having a busted knee because you got shot is a pretty big deal.” He turns to look at you, and you realize he never told you that. “Um, Jess said…”

“She told you?”

You nod. “Sorry. I wasn’t supposed to know.”

“No, it’s fine,” he sighs. “I didn’t mean to leave anything out the other night. There’s just some parts I’m not proud of.”

“Dean, you were defending yourself.”

He shakes his head. “I’m talking about getting shot.”

You give him a look. “Well, it’s not something most people brag about, but it’s definitely not something to be ashamed of either.”

He looks down at the floor for a minute before he finally says. “I wasn’t supposed to be working as a soldier that day.”

“Is that why you’re ashamed of being shot? Because you weren’t on the front lines?”

He nods a bit before turning his head to look over at you. “I hate telling people, ‘Hey I have PTSD because I was shot in the war’ when I wasn’t even actually in it. Not that day.”

“You were there on the battle ground. You were in it,” you tell him softly.

He takes a deep breath. “I just feel like it takes away from the people who were actually fighting.”

You give him a look. “Dean, you realize you fought right? I mean, you said when they invaded the hospital…”

“What good did it do?” he butts in. “Everyone but me who was in there died. I didn’t deserve to make it out. I shouldn’t have made it out. Logically I should have bled to death.”

You take a deep breath. “Logically, one would think that if you survived that, there’s a reason you’re still here.”

He quickly looks over at you, his eyes softening a bit. “I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Just because everyone else dies doesn’t mean you didn’t do your part, or that it wasn’t good enough.”

“I guess so,” he breathes out. He thinks for a minute before looking at you. “You know, Scott tried to talk to me about it when I first got back, but I wouldn’t listen at the time.”

“I didn’t realize you two knew each other that long.”

He nods. “When they first found me they just took me to the nearest hospital. They told me I’d be okay and sent me home. When I first got back, I lasted three nights before I had to be rushed back to the hospital. Scott was the one who saved my life, and when he found out I was a surgeon too, he stopped by my room at night to talk to me. He kept asking me if I was going to go back to practicing when I got better, and I told him no. I felt like I had failed. Like it didn’t matter how many lives I saved if things like that are happening, and… Anyways, he finally convinced me to go back. So I transferred to another hospital until last year when I moved back.”

“So, why aren’t you wanting to have the knee replacement?”

He takes a deep breath. “Well Scott went in and pieced the bone fragments back together. He told me there’s a chance it could be fixed through therapy and letting it heal on its own, which is why I’m trying to stick to it as much as I can. But if it came down to me absolutely having to have the replacement, he would be the only one I’d trust to do it.”

“But he didn’t do knee replacements usually.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “But I trust him more than I do any of the orthopedic surgeons around here.”

“You know, if the therapy doesn’t work, eventually you’re going to have to have it done, or risk doing permanent damage to your leg.”

He gives you a look. “That’s already happened.”

“You know what I mean,” you laugh a bit. “You might not ever get back to walking right if you don’t have the surgery.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “But I have to be down for at least six weeks, and I… I’m just not used to being tied down. I have to have something to do. Also, I hate for people to have to drop everything to help me.”

“I understand that one,” you smile a bit.

He chuckles. before leaning back against the couch a bit. “I believe the therapy is working anyways. It’s just easy to twist it and get it out of sorts.”

“Well, then you’re going to have to quit hurting it,” you smile.

He chuckles a bit before shaking his head. “Hey, you came all the way over here to make sure I’m okay, and you didn’t even bring me coffee?”

“Okay, in my defense, I haven’t felt good today.”

He sighs heavily. “I guess I can let it slip just this one time.” You laugh a bit.

“Well, I should probably go,” you say as you begin to stand up. “I just wanted to stop by and check on you.”

“Okay,” he smiles as he also stands. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

You give him a look. “Don’t push yourself.”

“Don’t get bossy,” he teases as he opens up the front door. “(Y/N).” You turn to face him and he smiles a bit. “If you ever need someone, you can call me.”

You nod. “I hope you know the same goes for you.”

He smiles a bit at you and nods. “You better have my coffee ready tomorrow.”

“We’ll see,” you tease before walking out the door. You try not to pay attention to it as Dean watches you walk towards your car. He doesn’t go back inside until your car disappears down the road.

“Are you sure you need to be carrying her?”

You roll your eyes. “Seriously? Jess, she weighs like five pounds.”

“Twenty, actually,” she laughs. “My little chunk. Plus, she’s distracting you.”

“Well, I need a distraction.”

“No, you need to focus on what crib you want.”

You look at the assortment of baby things, and an overwhelmed feeling settles in you. “It’s still very early. I have time to worry about this stuff.”

“Yeah, but when you get further along, you’re going to want to have all of this over with. Trust me.”

You shake your head. “I’ll be three months along next week. I can’t imagine getting the nursery ready now, and then having to wait six months.”

“Okay,” she says. “Don’t take my word for it then. You know, I’ve just had a kid and have experienced some stuff.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” you laugh.

“Well, if you’re not going to pick out stuff, then what are we even doing here?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who picked me up. I figured you had a plan.”

“Yeah, and when I picked you up I told you we were going baby shopping.”

“Okay, in my defense, I thought you meant this baby,” you tell her as you squeeze Kaylee a bit.

Jess rolls her eyes. “Can you at least act like you’re interested?”

“I am,” you laugh a bit. “I promise you, I’m all excited to start putting the nursery together. I can’t wait to pick out the crib and the cute clothes. I can’t wait to paint the walls, and hang up decorations, and spend every night sitting in the rocking chair imagining the baby sleeping in the crib until they’re actually here.”

“Then why does it seem like you’re trying to get out of doing those things?” she asks, frowning a bit when she realizes. “It’s about Scott, isn’t it?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I mean, yeah, it’s depressing that he’s not here. I cry every day thinking about him, and then again thinking about how he’s not going to get to meet our son or daughter. But whether he’s here or not, I still have a baby to prepare for. That’s not the reason for my hesitation.”

“Then what is it?”

You swallow hard. “It’s too soon,” you choke out.

She stops walking and turns to look at you. “(Y/N).”

“I can’t handle it if I let myself get excited for this baby. If I get the nursery put together and the clothes put away. If I let myself imagine them here in my arms. And then lose them.” You sigh as a few tears fall. You’re so tired of crying.

“You can’t think like that,” she says softly. “Just because you’re not far along doesn’t mean something’s going to happen. And just because you make it to a certain point doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.”

You scowl a bit. “Aren’t you supposed to be trying to make me feel better?”

“I’m not trying to make you panic here,” she says softly. “I’m just telling you the truth. You’re going to worry your whole pregnancy, and you’ll think it’ll go away when they’re born. They then get here and you sleep by their crib checking their breathing every five minutes. Then when they turn a year old, you worry about them starting to walk. Then it’s worrying about them at school, and making friends, and then they start driving.”

“Is there a point here?”

She laughs a bit. “All I’m trying to say is you’re going to worry about this baby their entire life. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let yourself embrace every part of it, and be happy. So if you want to pick out a crib, and start stocking up on diapers, go ahead.”

You take a deep breath. “It’s not just the worry.”

“Well, if you want me to impart the right words of wisdom on you, then you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on.”

You laugh, causing a few tears to slide down your cheeks. “I lost Scott,” you choke out. “But when I got home, he was still there. His clothes were still in the closet. His side of the bed still smelled like him. The coffee cup he drank out of that morning was sitting there unwashed. His toothbrush was in the holder. His shoes were waiting by the door. Every time I saw these glimpses of him, it was a new wave of grief that crashed into me.

“And I know I’ll be grieving him my whole life. I know that. But it wasn’t just crying over him. It was crying seeing these things that he’ll never use again. Then crying when I had to wash them, or get rid of them.”

Jess sighs. “And now you’re afraid that if you get ready for this baby, and something were to happen, it would be like that all over again.”

You nod. “I know it sounds stupid.”

“No, not at all, (Y/N).”

“It’s just… heartbreaking having to erase these pieces of him out of my life. Did that stupid cup need washed? Yes. But then I felt guilty for days afterwards. Like I was trying to get rid of any trace of him.

“I just don’t want to get too ahead of myself with this baby. Don’t think I’m not thinking about it, Jess. Don’t think I don’t have the nursery already planned. Don’t think I don’t have names already picked out. Don’t think I haven’t been researching the safest car seat, or the best baby monitors. I just can’t bring myself to take that next step and fill my home with these things.”

Jess nods before walking over to hug you, being mindful of her daughter in your arms. “I understand,” she says softly. “And you never have to explain yourself to me. I just… We’re so worried about you, and it’s been breaking my heart thinking you’re not allowing yourself to get excited.”

You shake your head a bit as she pulls away. “I’m definitely excited,” you tell her. “Trust me.”

“Good,” she smiles softly. “Well, if you aren’t going to pick out baby stuff, then let’s go look at the babyproofing aisle.”

“You hear that Lee Bug?” you ask her as you readjust her on your hip. “Momma thinks you’re going to get into all kinds of trouble when you start walking.”

She turns to look at you. “She’s a Winchester. Of course she’s going to get into trouble.”

You laugh at her. “Has she even tried walking yet?”

 “No,” she laughs. “Because someone has her spoiled to being held.” She gives you the side eye, and you feign innocence.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re literally carrying her right now!”

“Okay, okay!” you laugh. “But in my defense, she’s adorable.” You squish one of Kaylee’s cheeks before looking back over at Jess. “You have my full permission to spoil my baby as much as you want.”

“Okay,” she laughs. “But you’ll be wishing you could take your words back.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re really slacking on the coffee tonight.”

You look up from your spot on the swing to see Dean standing at the end of your walkway. You laugh at him as he begins walking towards you.

“It’s too hot for coffee,” you tell him.

“It has been the last few nights,” he shrugs. “That doesn’t mean you can get lazy on me.”

Rolling your eyes, you reach down to grab the extra bottle of water you brought out for him. “Here,” you laugh as you toss it towards him.

“Oh, even better,” he chuckles. He unscrews the cap and takes a drink as he takes his place on the bench. “So,” he says as he looks over at you. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” you smile softly. “You don’t have to ask me that every time you visit, you know.”

“Yes, I do,” he says matter of factly as he sets the water bottle down on the table by the bench. “You’re my friend now. I have to check up on you.”

“Well, Sam and Jess are doing that enough for ten people, so you can take a break if you want.”

He chuckles a bit. “She told me that she took you shopping today.”

“Yeah, she’s worried about me.”

“We all are,” he says. “I’m sorry if I’m getting on your nerves.”

“Eh, I’ll get over it,” you say, smiling softly at him. “It’s actually been nice knowing so many people are here for me during these past few weeks.”

“Even if we’ve been driving you crazy?”

“Just know that I’ll be getting my full revenge when the baby gets here and I need someone to watch him.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Him?”

“Oh, I don’t know yet,” you laugh. “I just… I don’t know. I’ll be excited no matter what the gender is. But I am sort of hoping for a boy. I won’t find out for sure for a few more weeks.”

“You want to know?”

“Definitely,” you nod. “It’d be really hard to get the nursery put together and everything not knowing. And buying clothes is going to be a nightmare anyways, but where in the world do you find clothes that could be for either?” He chuckles as he moves to stand, wincing a bit. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Leg’s bothering me. I was listening to you, I just had to move a bit.”

“It’s all that walking,” you tease him.

He laughs again, but it’s laced with a bit of pain this time. “I’m sure my doctor will take that as a valid excuse when I tell him why I’ve quit exercising it.”

“Tell him your psychiatrist recommended you have a break,” you tell him, watching as he winces again when he tries to move his left leg. “Do you need something?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll get it worked out in a minute. It’s the heat. It causes it to get stiff sometimes. I twisted it a bit at work today too, so that didn’t help.”

“I didn’t know being a surgeon was so dangerous,” you tease, before thinking maybe it was the wrong thing to say. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“I know what you meant,” he smiles at you, letting you know he didn’t think anything of it.

“I just meant like in a normal hospital and… You know what? Nevermind. I’ll shut my mouth.”

“It’s okay,” he chuckles. “Really, (Y/N).” He takes a deep breath before moving enough he can lean up against the house. “I twisted it running down the hallway towards an emergency.”

“Ouch,” you frown. “Are you sure you don’t need something? Ice? Pain medication?”

“No, I’ll take care of it when I get home,” he says before looking down at you. “I should probably go on.”

“Okay,” you reply. “I’ll see you tomorrow night? If you can walk, anyways.”

“Actually, I have to work tomorrow night,” he says.

“Oh, well, the next night you don’t have to work then.”

“Well, duh,” he smiles. “We have a good tradition going. I don’t want to mess it up now.”

You laugh softly and nod your head at him. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night,” he smiles before moving to walk off. You frown as he limps across your porch, and pauses at the steps. He white knuckles the railing going down.

“Are you sure you can walk home?”

He’s breathing a little hard, and he shakes his head. “Not really,” he laughs humorlessly. You go to stand, but he holds a hand up to stop you. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll call Sammy to come take me home.”

“Nonsense,” you tell him as you stand up off the swing. He rolls his eyes as he leans against the railing.

“(Y/N)...”

“You stay there and let me get the car out of the garage.” You make it to the front door before you stop and look over your shoulder at him. “I can do that now because someone fixed it, so I owe him one.”

“Um, you baked me cookies.”

“Then you helped me when I burned my hand, and you also brought me lunch the next day. I owe you one,” you repeat. He shakes his head.

“Scott always mentioned you were stubborn.”

“You’re the one arguing with me,” you laugh before you hurry off inside.

You know he can’t move fast enough to get away too quickly, but you don’t want to take your chances. When you back out of your garage, you’re relieved to see Dean waiting for you at the edge of your driveway. You stop and go to get out, but he quickly stops at your door.

“I can get in myself,” he says. “It might just take me a minute.”

You give in and let him shut your door back. You watch as he walks around the front of your car, using the hood as leverage. True to his word, it takes him a minute. When he finally makes it, he eases into the passenger seat with a relieved sigh.

“Dean, maybe you should go get your leg checked out.”

He shakes his head as you put the car in reverse again. “A night of resting it and I’ll be alright.” You don’t miss the way he winces when your car goes over the bump at the end of your driveway. You put the car in drive and head down the street.

“You have to tell me where to go.”

He nods, watching the road until you get to the right street.

“Turn left here,” he says. You do, and in a minute he points to another road. “Right here.” When you reach a dark blue, two-story house, he nods. “This is it.”

“Wow,” you breathe out as you pull up in his driveway. “Nice house.”

“Says the woman who lives in a mini-mansion,” he chuckles.

“It is not,” you laugh. “It’s just very spacious.”

“I don’t like the way you said that either,” he teases in a fake offended tone.

“The way I said what?”

“Nice house,” he says as he crosses his arms across his chest. “You said it like you expected me to live in a falling down shack.”

“Good grief,” you laugh. “I just didn’t expect a house this size for a single man.”

“Yeah, well, I plan for the future,” he says, causing you to laugh again. “Plus when I decided to move back to Lawrence, it was pretty much the only house in my price range that wasn’t falling down.” You can see the smile he’s trying to hide. When you start laughing even more, he cracks and the smile spreads across his face.

“I didn’t mean to offend the injured,” you tease as you go to get out.

“I don’t need help,” he says softly.

“I know,” you reply. “But how about I just stand there for back up? Just in case?”

He gives you a reluctant look before nodding. You get out and go to his side of the car. He sets his right foot down onto the pavement, and then winces as he tries to do the same with his left. After a minute or two, he finally gets it to move enough he can swing around. He pushes himself up with his right foot, and your reflexes kick in when he stumbles a bit.

“Thanks,” he says when you catch his arm.

“I’ll help you up onto the porch.”

“No, you won’t.” He says it with finality in his tone, but his expression is soft as he looks down at you. “I’m not letting you help me up the steps with you being pregnant. I’ll be okay.”

“I hope so,” you say truthfully.

“You don’t have to stay here and watch me like I’m a little kid you’re dropping off,” he says. “I can make it into the house.”

“Fine,” you laugh a bit. “But please be careful.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he smiles. You roll your eyes before walking off to get into your car.

Despite his orders, you do sit in the driveway and watch him. He gets to the bottom of the steps before he turns and looks at you. It takes you a minute to realize that you’re both waiting for the same thing. You’re waiting for him to get into the house. He’s waiting for you to leave.

You roll the window down and stick your head out. “Stubborn!” you holler.

“Says the woman stalking me on my own property,” he smirks. “I can get you for trespassing, you know.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” you laugh. He chuckles before waving you on.

“See you later, (Y/N).”

“I’m not leaving until you’re inside that house.”

“Okay,” he shrugs before leaning up against the porch railing. “Fine.”

You wait at least three minutes before you realize he isn’t budging. You feel bad for leaving him until you make sure he’s okay, but you know he needs to get inside and get his left taken care of.

“Fine,” you mutter before putting your car in reverse. He gives you a triumphant smile, and he doesn’t move until he makes sure you’ve disappeared down the road. As soon as you pull into your own garage, you grab your phone and call Jess.

“Hello?” she practically whispers.

“Hey, is this a bad time?” you ask softly.

“No, Kaylee’s asleep in my arms, but I can talk,” she says. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to let you know that you might want to tell Sam to check up on Dean later. He walked by my house tonight and I ended up having to drive him home.”

She sighs a bit. “I bet it’s his knee again,” she says. “He’s going to have to have that surgery done before long.”

Surgery? You frown a bit, but decide not to say anything for now.

“I didn’t want to alarm you, but he seemed to be in a lot of pain.”

“No, thanks for telling us,” she says softly.

“I’ll let you go,” you tell her. “Give Lee Bug a goodnight kiss for me.”

“Kaylee,” she says. “And I will.”

The line goes dead. You wait a minute, debating on whether or not to drive back by Dean’s to check up on him. You never did get his number, so you can’t call him.

But then your phone lights up with a text.

Thanks for the ride home.

You sigh in relief and your phone lights up again.

This is Dean, by the way.

You smile and shake your head a bit before replying.

Who else could it be?

I don’t know. Maybe you moonlight as an Uber driver.

You laugh before replying.

Nope. You’re it.

You get out of your car and walk across the garage to the door. You walk into your house and shut the door behind you before walking towards the stairs. You make it to the living room when your phone pings again.

Glad I’m the only one, sweetheart.

If your heart rate speeds up just a bit at that, you decide to ignore it.

“Are cookie refills free?”

“That depends,” you tell him as you take the container from him.

“On what?”

“On if you have a good explanation as to why you never showed up last night.” He chuckles. “Seriously, I was trying to be nice and I made a cup of coffee for you and everything, and you stood me up.”

“Well, I didn’t get to get my walk in for the same reason all those cookies are gone,” he says. “I was babysitting Kaylee last night.”

“Is she with you now?” you ask him excitedly.

“No,” he says as he holds up the plastic bag he’s carrying. “But I was hoping you’d forgive me if I showed up with some food.”

“Hmm, I guess that’ll make up for the waste of coffee,” you sigh as you move to let him in. He laughs as he walks on inside.

“I also felt like I had to make up for the burnt hand,” he says as you shut the door behind him.

“Why?”

He shrugs. “Because you burnt it making cookies for me.”

“The cookies that were a thank you for fixing my garage door,” you tell him. “And anyways, my hand is fine now.”

“Well, if you’ll eat this food with me, then I’ll call us even.”

“Hm, I guess I have nothing better to do,” you smile a bit before leading the way to the kitchen. You set the empty container in the sink before turning towards the island. You grab your purse and car keys before walking over to set them on the table by the front door.

“Were you going somewhere?” he asks as he takes styrofoam containers out of the bag and sets them down on the island.

“Just out to get lunch,” you laugh. “So you have perfect timing, Mister.”

“Good,” he chuckles. “So how is your hand?”

“It’s alright,” you tell him truthfully. “It doesn't hurt, but the blister looks awful.”

“Let me see,” he says as he holds his hand out. You place your hand palm up in his, and he inspects your hand before nodding his approval. “It looks better.”

“I told you, it’s fine,” you smile as you pull away and walk over to the island. You both take a seat at the barstools around the island, and he slides a container over to you.

“I hope you like burgers.”

“Um, doesn’t everyone?” you laugh as you open up the lid.

“You’d be surprised,” he chuckles.

You pick up the burger and take a bite, and it tastes so good. Unfortunately, your stomach doesn’t agree. You barely get half of it eaten before you feel a bout of nausea. Except this time you can tell it isn’t going to stop there.

“(Y/N)?” Dean says as he quickly hops down from the barstool.

You make it to the bathroom, and your knees hit the floor just in time for you to hunch over the toilet bowl. You lose what little breakfast you ate, and you know you’re not getting the rest of your lunch now.

“(Y/N)?” You hear Dean’s voice behind you just seconds before you feel his hand on your shoulder. Your stomach begins to settle, and you sit back a bit.

“I’m okay,” you choke out as you try to catch your breath.

Your brain keeps reminding you that Scott’s supposed to be here with you for this. You’re trying to push that thought aside, because if you don’t, you’ll burst into tears and that’s the last thing you want to do in front of Dean right now. Actually, the last thing you wanted to do was get sick in front of him, but you definitely don’t want to do both.

You go to stand up, but Dean gently guides you back down.

“Give it a minute,” he says as he rubs his hand across your back. “Just in case.”

You nod before relaxing into his touch. You swallow hard when you feel sick again, but this time it passes.

“You alright?” Dean asks you with concern in his voice. You nod. “Well,” he begins, “I guess you don’t like burgers after all.” You turn to look over your shoulder at him, and you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. He chuckles and you start laughing with him.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe out.

“You can’t help it,” he says softly. “You want to stand up now?”

“Yeah,” you nod. He helps you up, and you immediately walk over to the sink to brush your teeth. You weren't even aware that Dean still had a hand protectively on your back until you turn to face him. “You can go finish eating,” you tell him. “Although you probably won’t want to after… that.”

He chuckles a bit. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine, Dean,” you tell him as you walk out of the bathroom.

He follows you back down the hallway, through the kitchen and to the living room where you plop down on the couch. You cross your left leg underneath you with your right foot still touching the floor so you’re sitting sideways on the couch. Dean sits down beside of you and angles himself so he can see you.

“(Y/N)?”

“I’m okay,” you breathe out. “I just feel really wiped out now. Give me a minute.”

He frowns. “Have you been sick?” You nod. “Grief can do that,” he says sympathetically. “Dehydration can as well.”

“And… other things,” you say slowly. He raises an eyebrow at you and you take a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widen. “(Y/N),” he breathes out. “Are you serious?”

You nod as tears well up in your eyes. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you choke out. “I am. It’s just… bittersweet.”

He gives you a concerned look. “Are you happy about it?”

“Of course,” you smile through your tears. “Very happy. Like I said. It’s just causing a lot of mixed emotions.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t imagine.”

“At first I thought ‘how unfair is this?’ And I know that sounds awful, because, of course I want this baby. It’s just unfair that it happens after my husband dies. But I’d rather have a baby to raise on my own than no baby at all.”

“I understand,” he nods.

You take a deep breath. “You know how yesterday you were saying that Kaylee being born helped you?” He nods. “After you said that, I got to thinking that maybe this baby is going to be my blessing instead of something to make my life harder. Maybe they’re meant to help me find myself again, rather than bringing me grief because Scott’s not here with me.” You shrug a bit. “I still think ‘he should be here’, but I’m not letting it take over my excitement, because I really am excited about this.”

“You deserve to be,” he smiles a bit. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” you smile as you let a few tears slip. Dean leans in and wraps his arms around you. You let your eyes slide shut as he hugs you, his touch bringing you comfort like it did yesterday.

“I’m here if you need me,” he says softly.

“Thank you,” you say again. “I’m going to need all the help I can get these next few months.” He chuckles a bit. “I guess you’re glad you made an extra friend, huh?” he teases as he slowly pulls away.

You laugh as you bring a hand up to wipe away some of your tears. “Just in time, too,” you tell him. “I told you you have perfect timing.”

He smiles softly. “So, uh, I guess Scott didn’t know?”

“He did,” you nod.

Dean raises an eyebrow at you. “How did he know before you did?”

You laugh again. “He was always worried about my health. You know how you doctors are.” He chuckles a bit. “Scott was always telling me ‘you should’ve had this scan done months ago’ or ‘hasn’t it been a while since you’ve had a check up?’ I think he had seen so much and heard so many stories where things could’ve been prevented if they’d been caught earlier, it had scared him a bit.”

“Seeing what we see in the medical field will definitely make us worry about the health of the people we love,” Dean nods.

“I always thought it was amusing,” you smile. “And I knew he was doing it out of love. Didn’t make it less annoying.” He laughs a bit. “But what I wouldn’t give to have him aggravating me about it again.” You take a deep breath. “Anyways, he had been onto me for a couple weeks about how my bloodwork was overdue. I should’ve had it done back in March. So I went in and had some routine bloodwork done, and he always had my files sent straight to his office. He’d usually bring it home and make a dramatic deal about telling me I have at least six months to live.”

“I can see that,” he nods. “He couldn’t be serious about anything.”

“I know,” you laugh softly. “I just figured he didn’t do that this time because of our anniversary, so he would be goofy another night. I guess he was going to surprise me over dinner, but then he said he wanted to wait until we got home because he wasn’t sure how I’d take it. He knew I’d be happy, but like I’ve said before, we weren’t planning on trying for a baby until August. He was probably worried I’d be a little shocked at first.”

“So you didn’t know until after he died?”

“I just found out a few days ago. I found the file when we were cleaning out his office.”

“Wow,” he breathes out.

“Yeah,” you nod. “I was definitely shocked. I’m just glad Jess and Sam were there with me.”

“Do you know how far along you are?”

“Nine weeks,” you tell him.

“So you’re not very far along at all.”

“No. That makes me a little nervous.”

“Hey,” he says as he places a hand over yours. Your eyes meet and he gives you a reassuring smile. “Your baby’s gonna be just fine. I’m telling you, this is happening for a reason.”

“I hope so. The doctor said everything looks good so far, so I guess that’s something to hold onto for now.”

His eyes light up a bit. “You’ve already seen the baby?”

You smile widely before standing up off the couch. You walk over to the fireplace mantle and pick up the sonogram picture you had framed.

“I didn’t even see that there,” Dean chuckles as you take your seat beside of him again. You hold the frame out so he can see the picture inside. “Oh, wow, they’re so tiny.”

“They look like a little jelly bean,” you say as tears cloud your vision.

“You okay?” he chuckles a bit. You nod and laugh through your tears.

“Sorry, I just… I can’t believe it sometimes.”

“Don’t apologize,” he says softly. “You know, I’m going to have to quit doing nice things for you.”

“Why?” you laugh as you set the frame down onto the coffee table.

“Well, let’s see,” he says. “I fix your garage door, and you burn your hand making me cookies. I bring you lunch, and it makes you sick. I look at a picture of your baby with you, and I make you cry.”

You laugh as a few more tears fall down your cheek. “Technically that last one isn’t your fault. I’ve been crying pretty much non-stop the past few weeks.”

He chuckles as he reaches over to gently cup your left cheek. “I’ll let that one slide then,” he smiles softly.

“Okay,” you laugh a bit as he gently uses his thumb to wipe your tears away. He pulls his hand away just as quickly as he laid it on your face.

“I should go and let you rest,” he says. “You’re probably wore out now.”

“A little bit,” you admit as you both stand up off the couch. “I’m sorry if I ruined lunch.”

“It wasn’t ruined,” he says as you walk over towards the front door. “Maybe next time I’ll bring something you can tolerate.”

You smile, the implication that this is going to be a recurring thing doing something to you.

“Should I have you a cup of coffee ready tonight?” you ask him as he opens up the door.

He shakes his head. “I have to work tonight.” You don’t miss the hint of disappointment in his voice. “But tomorrow night, I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

“Okay,” you smile. And then he does something unexpected. He steps forward and wraps his arms tightly around you. Sure, he hugged you earlier. But this feels… Different.

“You call me if you need anything,” he says.

“I will,” you tell him. He nods and lets go of you before walking out the front door, shutting it behind him.

Two nights later when he shows up on the sidewalk outside of your house, you have a cup of coffee and a fresh batch of cookies waiting on him.

You started the morning off strong with overwhelming nausea. You weren’t sure if it was the pregnancy, your nerves, or grief. More than likely it was a mix of all three. Then you just had to go and break down in the middle of your appointment because you kept imagining Scott there beside of you. Not only are you a hormonal mess right now, but you’re also a grieving widow. Everything’s working together to make you completely overly emotional.

After your appointment, you decided to grab lunch, and you couldn’t keep anything down. So here you are, sitting at your kitchen counter, crying over the fact that you’re having a baby. You’re also crying over the fact that you’re having a baby by yourself.

Your sobs stop when you hear the doorbell. It doesn’t keep ringing in obnoxious succession, so you know it’s not Sam. It could be Jess, but she usually rings the doorbell and then uses her key to come on in anyways. Sighing, you try to wipe the tears out of your eyes as quickly as you can. You set the ultrasound pictures down onto the counter before walking through your house to the front door. You open the door, and are immediately met with a smiling face.

“Hey,” Dean says, concern flashing in his eyes when he sees the obvious state of distress you’re in. He doesn’t mention it though. You figure he just chalks it up as grief.

“Hi,” you manage to choke out.

“I, um… I was on my way home from work and thought I’d drop by and see if you want me to fix your garage door. But if this is a bad time…”

“No,” you interrupt before moving to the side so he can come in. “Sorry, it’s just been one of those days.”

“You told me not to apologize the other night, and you don’t have to either,” he says as he follows you through the house to your garage. You open the door and grab the ladder for him. “Sorry I haven’t been able to get around to this until now.”

“It’s not your fault,” you tell him. “I didn’t even get the motor until a few days ago.” You watch as he gathers up the tools he’ll need. “Have they been making it an easy transition for you at the hospital?”

“Sort of,” he laughs a bit. “I’m so nervous about it. I mean, it was nerve wracking enough getting hired on at a new place. Now I’ve been promoted to head surgeon already. It’s a big change at once.”

“Well, if Scott was pleased with you then you were doing something right.”

He shakes his head as he climbs the ladder. “(Y/N), I have never seen any surgeon as thorough and as steady handed as he was, even in tense situations."

“He was pretty much like that in any situation,” you laugh a bit. “I think the only time I ever heard him raise his voice is when he was excited over something.”

“Oh, I definitely heard him shout out a few orders,” he chuckles. “But as far as anger, no, I never saw him yell at anyone. He did get after a few people for not doing the right thing, but he always did so in a calm, adult manner.”

“If only everybody else was like that,” you say.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I mean, I don’t really see myself as a hot head, but I definitely can’t keep my calm like he did.”

Tears well up in your eyes when a thought runs through your mind. He would’ve been the best dad.

“Hey, can you hand me the… Are you alright?” Dean asks as he looks down at you.

“Yeah,” you sniff before wiping at your eyes. “What do you need?”

“The motor.”

“Oh, sorry.” You walk over to where you laid the box and pick it up. “I was in my own world for a minute,” you tell Dean as you hand the box to him.

“Stop apologizing,” he smiles sadly at you. “But you’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” you nod. Liar.

It doesn’t take Dean long to get the motor installed, and you’re so thankful when your garage door actually opens this time.

“Thank you so much,” you tell him as he puts everything away. “How much do I owe you?”

“Uh, absolutely nothing,” he says. “That’s what friends are for, remember?”

“Dean, you gotta let me give you a little something.”

“Okay,” he smiles. “How about this? I didn’t get to try any of those cookies you brought to Sam’s the other night.”

“Hint taken,” you laugh. “They won’t take long to make if you want to hang around for a bit.”

“No, (Y/N), I didn’t mean you had to make them right now.”

“I’ve got nothing better to do,” you shrug as you lead him into the kitchen. “Unless you’re in a hurry to be somewhere. Maybe you have to take a walk since that seems to be all you do.”

He laughs. “I actually walked here,” he says as he leans up against the island while you begin to gather your supplies. He’s quiet for a minute. “Walking’s part of my therapy for my leg.”

You freeze for a second before turning to face him. “Dean, I didn’t mean to make fun of…”

“Stop,” he chuckles. “Sammy teases me all the time for walking everywhere. I don’t take it seriously.”

“If you want me to stop, I will.”

“Please don’t,” he smiles. “It’s nice to be able to joke about it.”

“Well,” you smile a bit. “If you insist.”

“I do,” he nods. “The only thing you’re not allowed to make fun of is Baby.”

“Uh, why in the world would I ever make fun of Kaylee?”

He starts laughing. “I was talking about my car.”

You quickly turn to face him again. “You named your car…” You trail off and shake your head. “Okay, nevermind. Because if I ask that question then that’s sort of going against your rule, so I’m just gonna let that one slide.”

He chuckles as you put your attention back on what you’re doing. You get the cookies ready and when you go to put them in the oven, you spot your ultrasound pictures on the counter where you left them. You close the oven door and quickly grab the pictures, sliding them into your back pocket. You hadn’t told Dean yet, and you definitely don’t want him finding out this way. Sam and Jess may have already said something to him about it, but you just doubt it.

“Do you bake a lot?” he asks you as you walk over to where he’s leaned up against the island.

“More now than I used to,” you tell him. “It keeps my mind occupied.”

“I understand,” he nods. “I started doing mechanic work after my leg healed enough. Brought in some extra cash for a while until I was released to go back to the hospital.”

“Can I ask you something?” He nods. “After everything you went through, how in the world are you so okay?”

He chuckles a bit. “You saw me the other night. I am far from okay.”

“There’s things that’s going to set it off,” you tell him. “But like just from day to day, you just seem like you’re handling life well. Meanwhile, I can’t stop breaking down into tears everytime someone mentions his name.”

“Well, for starters, I went to therapy.”

“Really?”

He nods. “Hated every second of it.” You laugh at that. “But, I think it helped some. What really helped was talking to people who actually knew what I was going through. And then there was Sammy and our parents. This is going to sound sappy, but I didn’t truly start feeling like myself until Kaylee came along. It’s like now there’s this kid, and even though she isn’t mine she still looks up to me. I gotta be the best version of myself I can be to be the best uncle for her.”

His words bring you comfort you didn’t know you could find in a time like this. Maybe this baby isn’t meant to bring you more stress and grief about how you’re going to do this by yourself. Maybe this baby is meant to bring you indefinite happiness and pull you out of the slump you’re in.

When the timer goes off, you grab your oven mitts and open the oven door. You go to grab the cookie sheet, and a white hot pain spreads across your left palm.

You cry out, barely catching the pan with your right hand just in time to throw it up onto the top of the oven.

“(Y/N)?” Dean says in a concerned tone as he quickly walks over to you.

“Ow, ow,” you wince as you pull the oven mitts off your hands. There’s already a red, angry welt forming on your palm.

“What happened?”

“There must have been a thin spot in the oven mitt,” you say, your words coming out as a whine as pain throbs in your open palm.

“Do you have any aloe?”

“In the window seal over the sink.”

He quickly walks across the kitchen and breaks a piece off the green plant before walking back over to you.

“Let me see,” he says softly as he holds his left hand out for yours.

You lay your hand in his, and he opens the plant before smearing some aloe onto your hand. You sigh in relief when the cold gel calms the stinging just a bit. He uses his thumb to gently work the aloe into your palm.

“How’s that feel, sweetheart?” he asks.

The way he says it stirs something inside of you for a split second before you reply. “That’s better,” you nod, his thumb still rubbing your skin. “Thank you.”

He nods before slowly letting go of your hand. “Sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out. “That’s never happened before.” You reach over and grab the defective oven mitt before throwing it in the trash. “Once those cool down I’ll get them in a container for you.”

“Don’t worry about the cookies,” he chuckles. “Worry about your hand.”

“It’s fine now,” you tell him.

“Promise?”

“I promise,” you smile a bit.

He throws the piece of aloe away before walking over to wash his hands.

“Hey,” he says as he turns to dry his hands off. “Did you ever find out what Scott was wanting to tell you?” He looks at you and frowns when he sees you blinking back tears. “Never mind,” he says. “I’ve upset you again.”

“No, you didn’t,” you tell him softly. “And, yeah, I did find out what it was.”

You laugh at him, letting a tear fall. “Thanks,” you tell him softly. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He nods, and doesn’t push it anymore. “Listen, I feel like when I first got here, you were maybe having a hard time. You know, if you ever want to talk, I’ll listen. And I’m not even a psychiatrist."

You wait until the cookies are completely cool before you grab a container to put them in. You snap the lid on it before handing it over to Dean.

“Here you go,” you tell him. “Thanks for fixing my garage door for me.”

“No problem,” he says as he takes the container from you. “Thanks for the cookies, and sorry about the burnt hand.”

You laugh as you hold your left hand up in the air. “It’ll be fine.”

He nods before turning to walk towards the front door. He stops before turning to look at you again.

“I’ll probably see you tonight during my walk.”

“See ya later, (Y/N),” he says as he walks out onto the porch.

“Don’t eat too many of those cookies if you want to walk too far,” you tease. He chuckles and nods his head.

“I’ll be watching for you,” you tell him as he walks down the stairs. He waves at you, and you return it before shutting the door between you.

You’ve been sitting on your couch for an hour scouring the internet for things for a nursery, and it’s definitely not helping you get sleepy. There’s too many questions rolling around in your head.

Is the baby okay? Are they a boy or girl? Do you want to know the gender before they’re born? What will you name them? What color is the nursery going to be? How many different strollers are there? That crib costs how much?

Sighing, you lay your phone down on the coffee table and reach for the remote. You haven’t even settled on what to watch when you see headlights across your yard. You move up on your knees and pull the curtains behind the couch apart a bit before parting the blind just enough that you can see outside. You watch as the headlights go out, and then Dean steps out of the car.

“What in the world are you doing here at this time of night?” you ask the air as you walk over to the door. You get it opened before Dean’s even made it up your walk. He stops in his tracks.

“I know you’re a psychiatrist, but I didn’t think that was the same thing as being psychic.”

You laugh a bit. “I saw your headlights.”

“Oh,” he chuckles. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No, I was sitting on my couch looking on Amazon,” you tell him. You both just awkwardly stand there a minute before you motion him forward. “You don’t have to wait for permission to come up on my porch everytime.” He laughs a bit before he walks closer to you. It isn’t until he’s walking up the steps that you realize he’s carrying what looks like picture frames. “You can come inside,” you tell him. He nods before walking in. You shut the door behind him and turn to face him.

“I, uh, found these today,” he says as he hands the stack of picture frames over to you. You smile at him as you take them. “I forgot to give them to you at Sam’s with everything that happened and… I’m sorry for stopping by so late, but when I saw your lights on I figured you were up and maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stop by.”

“No,” you smile a bit. “If my lights are on, there’s a good chance I’m awake. And if I’m awake this late at night, chances are that I’m in need of a friend.” You look down at the frames and smile softly. They’re Scott’s diplomas and awards he had taken down off his office wall so he could hang up pictures of you. “Thank you,” you tell Dean as you look back up at him.

“No problem,” he shrugs. “I was putting my stuff up and I found them on top of a filing cabinet.”

You freeze. “You… You were putting your stuff up?”

“Yeah,” he says slowly.

“In Scott’s office?”

“Well, technically it’s my office now,” he says reluctantly, afraid the wrong wording might hurt you.

“But… You’re the new surgeon.”

His eyes widen a bit. “You didn’t know?”

“No. I mean I… I knew Jess said Scott trained you, but I just figured you were an intern shadowing him or something. I didn’t know what field you were in. I didn’t… Oh my gosh. I have got to apologize to you.”

“What for?” he chuckles.

You shake your head before motioning towards the living room. “Have a seat,” you tell him. He walks in and takes a seat on the love seat. You take your place across from him on the couch. “Dean, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay?” he says in a questioning tone. “I’m just not sure what you’re apologizing for.”

You sigh as you reach over to set the frames down onto the coffee table. “Okay, I’m ashamed to admit this, but the other day when I got the call from the hospital saying I needed to clean out Scott’s office, I got  mad. I was upset that it seemed like they were trying to erase him so soon. I quickly realized, duh, they have to have a surgeon, which Sam tried to tell me, but it took a couple days for the anger to wear off before I started seeing reason. It just seemed…”

“Unfair,” Dean says.

“Exactly!” you sigh. “And I got mad at you. Although, I didn’t know I was getting mad at you. I was just mad at the surgeon who took his place.”

“Who just happened to be me.”

“Yeah,” you frown. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, (Y/N),” he laughs.

“I realize now it was stupid of me to get so upset, but grief apparently clouds my judgement.”

“Hey, I understand,” he says softly. “No offense taken.”

“Good,” you breathe out.

“Now, I have to apologize to you.”

“If it’s for what happened tonight, don’t bother,” you tell him softly.

“I promise you I’m not scared of fireworks. It’s just the noise that triggered bad memories, and when that happens I can’t convince myself what’s happening in real life, and what’s already happened.”

“I understand,” you nod. “Seriously, Dean. I promise you I wasn’t silently making fun of you or anything. PTSD isn’t a joke.”

He swallows hard. “I think I’m ready to talk about it now.”

“Okay,” you nod. “I’m listening.”

He takes a deep breath. “When I first started medical school, I knew I wanted to be a surgeon. But after I graduated I decided to take a different approach. I became an Army Medic.” Your eyes widen a bit.

“You’re in the service?”

“I was,” he corrects you. “I wanted to just be a regular Army Medic, but I was one of the only trained surgeons they had where we were stationed. They kind of moved me back and forth. Some days I’d be in the makeshift hospital we had, and some days I'd be on the front lines. I just thought I’d be mostly healing people. I didn’t think I’d ever actually have to fight.”

“Until you did,” you say softly, knowing where he’s going with this.

He nods, and you want to tell him to stop when you see the tears welling up in his eyes. He keeps pressing on though.

“It was like any normal day. The worst we had was a soldier come in for an ankle broken during training. We hadn’t had any seriously wounded soldiers in for a while. Things had been peaceful on the front for a few months. So they sent some civilians to us. The ones that were from areas who don’t receive the proper treatment they need.” He stops and takes a deep breath, his eyes shutting for a beat of five seconds before he opens them again and they land on you.

“(Y/N), I don’t know how to explain it, but I was working on the soldier with the busted ankle, and I just got this… This feeling.” He shakes his head a bit, a vacant look taking his eyes. He’s looking right at you, but you have the sense he isn’t seeing you. He’s seeing it all unfold in front of him again.

“I just stopped what I was doing,” he continues, “and I looked towards the door of this abandoned building we were using a makeshift hospital. The soldier I was working on saw the look on my face and asked me what was wrong. It wasn’t two seconds later the sirens went off.” He shudders a bit. “Then the bombs started.” He hangs his head a bit and takes a couple deep breaths to compose himself. This time when he looks back up at you, his eyes are more focused.

“I’ll never forget the sound,” he chokes out. “Of people screaming. Kids crying. The helicopters flying over. The… The bombs. I thought I was dead. I should’ve been dead with the rest of them, (Y/N). The whole building collapsed and…” You don’t miss the tear that falls down his cheek. “I was the only one who made it out that day. I should’ve died with them.”

“Or maybe they should’ve survived with you,” you say softly.

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Are you trying to work your shrink magic on me or something?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I just never understood why the survivor in a situation where others die say they should’ve died too, when really it should be the other way around.”

“Huh,” he hums, letting another tear slip. “I never thought about it like that.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” you tell him. “Go on.”

He takes a deep breath. “I barely survived though,” he says. “Part of the building collapsed on me, and I was stuck there for almost two days before someone found me. Busted my left leg pretty good. I still limp on bad days. Took a few bullet wounds too. Probably gave a few. After they dropped the bombs, enemy soldiers just overpowered us. Every base we had, it wasn’t just at the hospital. Not many of the soldiers who were deployed to that region made it home.

“For what seemed like hours, all you could hear were bombs, screaming, and guns being fired. Then it just… Went silent. You know, that was probably the worse part of it,” he breathes. “The silence afterwards. You know people are dead. You don’t know how many. You know some of your friends are gone. And for me, I knew I was messed up for life. I just didn’t think I had more than a few minutes left of it.

He stops talking and just takes a few deep breaths. You can tell he’s done, and you’re not going to push him. “Anyways,” he says, clearing his throat a bit. “That’s why I panicked at the fireworks. I was back at that place.”

“One time I saw you look up at the sky with a paranoid look on your face. You were searching for helicopters.”

He nods. “That’s the worst episode I’ve had in a while.”

“So how long ago did that happen?”

“About three years,” he says. “When I got out, I took some time off before I decided to get back into medicine. I was hired on as a surgeon at another hospital. Then I transferred here when I got in trouble.”

“I’m sorry if talking about it made it worse.”

“No,” he shakes his head. “It helps. Seriously, (Y/N). Anyways, you didn’t ask me to tell you. Sometimes you just need a friend to talk to.”

“Yeah,” you smile a bit.

“I’d better go,” he says before standing up. “I’m sorry I dropped by so late. I was just going to drop those off for you. I didn’t mean to turn it into a therapy session.”

“Hey, anytime you need to talk,” you tell him as you stand up off the couch. “I mean it, Dean. Whatever time of night it is, if my lights are on and you need to talk, you stop by. I’ll listen. As a friend. Promise.”

He chuckles a bit. “Well, with my messed up head, a good therapy session probably wouldn’t hurt every now and then. I hate to just drop in though.”

“I can give you my number and you can send me a text to make sure it’s okay,” you tell him.

He gives you a sheepish look. “I actually already have your number. Sam gave it to me.”

“You asked Sam for my number?” you laugh.

“Well, I was going to ask you about fixing your garage door, but when he said you’d be at the party tonight, I figured I’d just ask you there.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Yeah. So if you get a call or text from an unknown number, it’s just the mean surgeon.”

“I’m sorry,” you laugh. He chuckles before shaking his head a bit.

“I can let myself out,” he says as he walks over to the front door. He stops and looks over his shoulder at you. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

“Goodnight, Dean,” you reply. He smiles a bit at you before walking on out the door, shutting it behind him.

Your heart is just a little bit heavier when you go to bed, but you’re so exhausted now that you slip right off to sleep.

“Happy Birthday, Lee Bug,” you say as you kiss the top of her head. She squalls and hides her face in your shoulder. You look at Jess and pout a bit. “What did you do to Aunt (Y/N)’s baby?”

“I didn’t do anything,” she laughs. She nods towards Sam as he walks in from the back deck. “Ask him.”

“Ow!” he says as you punch him in the arm. “What was that for?”

“What did you do to this sweet baby?”

He puts his hands up in a surrendering gesture. “All I did was hand her a balloon. I didn’t think she’d pop it. It scared her.”

“You didn’t think she’d pop it? Sam, she’s one,” you laugh. “It’s in her nature to pop balloons.”

“Yeah, I know. My bad. I’m horrible,” he chuckles as he leans in to press a kiss to his daughter’s head. “I’m sorry, babygirl.” Her cries begin to quiet down some, but then the front door opens and she brings her head up. As soon as she sees Dean, she bursts into tears again and reaches out for him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks as he walks over to take her from you. “Is (Y/N) trying to kidnap you again?”

“Hey,” you laugh. “Don’t blame me. It was Sam’s fault.” Dean glares at him.

Sam sighs and throws his arms up in the air. “Are we going to have to go through this every time someone walks in the door?” he asks. “I handed her a balloon. She popped it. I’m a horrible father.”

“Don’t worry, honey,” Dean says softly as Kaylee lays her head down on his shoulder. “I’m going to get custody of you and take you away from your mean parents.”

“Don’t listen to him, Kaylee,” Sam tells her. “He’ll have you crying over worse things. Believe me. I grew up with him. I know the torture he put me through.”

“That’s because you’re my little brother and it was my right to do so,” Dean says. “This baby is my sweet little niece. Nobody’s gonna mess with you, will they, sweetheart?”

You don’t miss when Jess gives Sam a look, causing him to get his brother’s attention. “Hey, will you help me with something in the backyard?”

“Sure,” Dean nods before following him outside, taking Kaylee with him. As soon as the door shuts, Jess walks over and takes you by the arm.

“How are you?” she asks.

You laugh a bit. “I’m fine.” She gives you a look. “Honestly,” you tell her. “Everyday is still hard, of course, but I’m managing. It still hits in waves, but it’s getting easier.”

She nods before smiling widely. “And how are you feeling?”

“I just told you,” you laugh before you realize what she’s talking about. “Oh,” you smile. “Honestly, if I hadn’t seen my file on Scott’s desk, I wouldn’t even know. I mean, I’ve been having bouts of dizziness and nausea, but I think most of it’s just been the grief. Probably some dehydration.”

Her expression turns concerned. “(Y/N)...”

“I’ve been taking better care of myself now that I know,” you butt in, stopping the lecture that was no doubt headed your way. “I promise.”

“You better be,” she says.

“I have an appointment for next week to make sure everything’s okay.”

“So you don’t know how far along you are yet?”

You shake your head. “It’s funny because we weren’t even really trying. We kept saying we’d start in August, but I had went ahead and stopped taking birth control. We figured it would take at least a couple months before I could get pregnant.”

“It was just meant to be,” she says.

You smile a bit. “I think so.”

“Well, we’d better get outside and get this party started before it starts getting dark. I’ve already had to stop Sam from setting off some of the fireworks,” Jess says as she grabs a few things off the counter. You pick up the plate of cookies you brought, and the bag with Kaylee’s present before you follow her outside.

There’s a few other people, the only ones you know are Sam’s parents. But it’s not bothering you like it would have a few weeks ago. Maybe you are healing after all.

After you grab a plate of food, you walk off to a chair that’s by itself in the corner. You get a few bites in before you hear someone speak up.

“Is there a reason you’re being a loner?”

You look up to see Dean moving a chair to sit right beside of you. “No,” you laugh a bit. “I was just trying to get out of the way of everything.”

He nods as he takes a seat. “Did that motor for the garage door ever come in?”

“Yes,” you sigh. “I called to check on it today and they said it had been in for a few days, they had just forgotten to call me.”

“Typical,” he rolls his eyes. “Well, if you want me to fix it sometime this week, just let me know.”

“Thanks,” you smile a bit.

The two of you talk on and off as you eat, and you turn your attention to the birthday girl as they let her begin opening her presents.

“Hey! Where’s her cake?” Dean asks.

“Calm down,” Sam laughs as he tries to show Kaylee how to open a bag. “We decided to do that last so she won’t get cake on everything.”

“I still think they should’ve gotten her a pie,” he mumbles. You laugh a bit as you turn to watch the baby.

Your heart drops when they hand her the bag you brought. You knew you’d had it packed and ready to go for a few weeks, but you’re just now realizing something. Scott picked that present out for her. You can still hear the excitement in his voice.

“Babe, look at this!”

You turn around and roll your eyes as your husband runs down the frozen food aisle towards you. You laugh when you see the plush toy he’s carrying.

“Scott, you were supposed to be getting bread.”

“I know. But the baby aisle is right across from the bread aisle and… Well, look! It’s a ladybug!” His eyes are so lit up with excitement that you don’t even have the heart to point out that he forgot the bread.

“Okay, what about it?” you tease him.

“Duh, for our Lee Bug,” he says as he carefully places it into the buggie. He doesn’t throw it like he probably would have the bread.

“Honey, Sam and Jess are going to kill us if we buy that baby another toy.”

“So,” he shrugs. “We’ll get it for her birthday.”

“Which is three months away.”

“Well, three months is a long time, so we better go ahead and get it while they have one.”

“You are so wrapped around her finger,” you tease him as you turn the buggy around to walk in the other direction.

He chuckles as he wraps an arm around your waist, using his free hand to push the cart away from you. He hardly ever lets you push the buggy when he’s around.

He winks at you. “Not as wrapped as you are darlin’.”

He went home and wrapped the present that afternoon. You hadn’t touched it other than to bring it here.

You try not to dwell on it as Kaylee curiously pulls on the handles of the bag. But then Jess takes the card out.

“Let’s see who this one’s from before you open it,” she laughs as the little girl pulls at the tissue paper. Jess opens the card up, and her eyes find yours. You nod, letting her know it’s okay.

“It says ‘To our Lee Bug. From Scott and (Y/N)’.”

Tears well up in your eyes. That might be the last time you hear your names together like that. It seems like he’s slowly being erased from your life.

No.

Your left hand travels down to your stomach. You’re always going to have a piece of him with you. And even if you didn’t have this baby, you wouldn’t let him be erased. You’d find a way to always remember him.

You try to blink the tears away as you watch Kaylee open the gift. She squeals out every few seconds when the tissue paper gets wrapped around her little fists, causing everyone to laugh at her. When she finally gets it open, her little eyes widen and her mouth forms a perfect circle.

“What is that?” Jess asks her. “Is that a lady bug?”

Kaylee wraps her little arms around the plushy, and she doesn’t let go of it as she opens up the rest of her presents. Sam has to practically pry the lady bug out of Kaylee’s arms when he brings her cake out. It just results in the birthday girl bursting into tears and wanting nothing to do with her cake.

“If he makes her cry one more time,” Dean mutters, causing you to laugh despite the tears still in your eyes.

Kaylee screams loudly, and reaches out in your direction.

Jess turns to look at you. “Maybe opening presents first wasn’t such a good idea.”

You laugh as you stand up to walk over to them. “Hey, Lee Bug,” you say, as you bend down by her high chair. “Look,” you say as you point towards her cake. It’s practically just a large cupcake, but plenty enough for a little one. She reaches for you to pick her up. “Here,” you tell her as you slide a finger through the icing.

You put a dab on her nose, and her cries immediately stop. She stares at the purple icing on her nose for a minute before she starts laughing. Sam and Jess both let out a breath of relief.

“Why didn’t we think of that?” she breathes out.

“Because you’re the dull parents,” you tease. It doesn’t take long for Kaylee to realize she can eat the cake too. She grabs two handfuls of cake, icing smearing everywhere, and you get out of the way so Jess can get some pictures.

“I would’ve just smashed the cake in Sammy’s face,” Dean says as you take your seat beside him again. “That would have got her laughing.”

“You’re mean,” you laugh as you look back over at the baby.

You realize something then.

As much as you’ve lost. All the things you were looking forward to that won’t happen now. You have all of this to look forward to.

The baby snuggles. That newborn smell. The little toddler giggles. The birthday parties.

No, Scott won’t be there with you to witness it all. It’ll be completely different than how you imagined it. But it’ll still be amazing. Just you and your baby.

When it starts getting dark, everyone moves their chairs out into the grass. Kaylee eventually crawls over to you as you wait for the fireworks to start. You feel bad that she’s paying so much attention to you when her four grandparents are sitting just a few feet away. And yet, you’re not going to tell her no. Kaylee jabbers something and points, and you follow her line of sight to the person sitting in the front and off to the side by themselves.

“You want to go to Dean?” you ask her. You sit her down on the ground thinking she’ll crawl off, but instead she just sits there by your feet and eats pieces of leftover cake off her shirt. She startles a bit when the first explosion happens. But instead of crying, her eyes light up at the colors in the sky.

You pick her up and sit her back in your lap.

“Look,” you tell her. “Those fireworks are for you.” Jess turns when she hears you say that, but she just shakes her head before looking back up at the sky. “Okay, technically they’re to celebrate America’s birthday,” you tell Kaylee. “But they can be for yours too.”

After a few minutes, the little girl wants down again. You keep your eyes on her as she crawls about five feet away from you to where Jess is sitting. You make sure she’s back with her mom before you dare look away from her.

It isn’t long until something moves out of the corner of your eyes and catches your attention. You look up in time to see Dean walking back towards the house. He’s moving so fast he might as well be running. Jess turns to see what’s going on when she notices the movement, and a worried look crosses her face before she turns back around. She doesn’t get up though, and you decide it’s only fair to repay the favor of him checking up on you the other night.

You wait a couple minutes to make sure he isn’t coming back before you get up and sneak back towards the house. You don’t want them worried about you again. Another loud boom rattles the deck as you step onto it, and the sliding glass doors do little to block out the noise when you shut them.

You find Dean leaned up against the kitchen counter with his back to it. He’s gripping the edge so tightly his knuckles are white, and his eyes are shut tight.

“Dean?” you say softly, not wanting to startle him.

He opens his eyes, and an almost embarrassed look crosses his face.

“Hey,” he breathes out. “Sorry, I… I had to get away.”

“That’s alright,” you tell him. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

He nods. Another loud boom shakes the house, and he swallows hard before shutting his eyes again. The look on his face is almost fear, but you can tell it goes deeper than that. This is some sort of PTSD episode.

“Do you need me to go get Sam?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t want to worry him,” he breathes out. “He was already watching me, but he…” He jumps when another firework goes off. “He needs to focus on his daughter right now.”

“So Sam and Jess know?”

He nods. “But before you start thinking they’re cruel or something, they told me they wouldn’t get any fireworks if I couldn’t handle it. I’m the one who begged them too. I knew it would make Kaylee’s birthday more special.” A tremor runs through him, but he finally manages to open his eyes and look at you. “I knew this was going to happen, but I thought I could fight through it for my niece.”

You frown. “How have you gotten through these past few weeks with them going off everywhere? Especially last night?”

He shrugs. “I put on my headphones and drowned them out with music.” He swallows hard and fights to get a breath. “That’s also partially what the late night walks have been about. As long as I have something…” Another boom. His breathing gets heavier. “Something to focus on, I can ignore them for a while.”

“Okay,” you nod. “Then let’s take a walk.”

He shakes his head. “I’ll be alright. I might just go on home.”

“You can’t drive like this, Dean.”

You know stuff like this isn’t easy to shake off. You know these episodes of extreme anxiety don’t go away just because you get away from whatever it is that sets them off.

“Come on,” you say as you begin to walk towards the front door. “Let’s take a walk.”

Sighing, he follows you. You pull your phone out of your pocket and send a quick text to Jess letting her know what’s going on so they don’t worry about either of you.

“You go back and enjoy the party,” Dean says as the two of you walk across the yard and down to the sidewalk. “I’ll be alright.”

You shake your head. “Everyone can use a friend, right?”

He smiles at you and nods his head a bit. “Right.”

You get maybe five feet down the sidewalk before another loud bang echoes around the neighborhood.

“Those things should be illegal,” Dean says through gritted teeth.

“I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but try to focus on something else,” you tell him.

He takes a deep breath. “You’re probably wanting to know why the sound’s bothering me so bad.”

You shake your head. “That’s not what you need to focus on right now.”

He looks over at you, and your heart breaks at the pained expression on his face.

“Some days I wish I could just escape it,” he breathes out.

“I know what you mean,” you say before shaking your head. “I mean, I know my situation isn’t exactly the same, but…”

“Don’t downplay it like that,” he says. “Watching your husband crumple to the ground right in front of you like that? That’s enough to cause PTSD.” You just nod and keep walking.

The two of you walk in silence for a while. Dean seems to be relaxing a bit. You keep asking him random questions, but nothing too deep. He does the same to you.

And then the grand finale starts.

It's just one loud boom after the other. No breaks in between.

Dean stops right there on the sidewalk, his eyes shut tight again.

“Hey,” you say as you walk over to him. “It’s okay.”

He shakes his head. “I can… I can still hear them.” The fear that laces his voice tells you he’s in a whole other world right now.

“Dean,” you say as you grab onto both sides of his arms, trying to ground him. “Look at me.” His eyes fly open, and then they look up. There’s a paranoid glaze to them as he scans the dark sky. He flinches at the flash of light. “It’s just fireworks,” you tell him. His eyes find yours again, and a little bit of reality returns to him.

“Just fireworks,” he breathes out. You nod before slowly letting go of him.

“It’s just a loud noise is all it is.”

He tries to talk past the gasps for air. “Try… telling my…. brain that.”

“Come here,” you tell him before leading him over to the edge of the sidewalk. You take a seat side by side. “We’ll just wait it out, okay?”

“Yeah,” he breathes out. He rests his elbows on his knees and then rests his head in his hands. “Just… Please keep talking to me so I know you’re real.”

“Okay. I can do that,” you tell him. “But you have to take deep breaths for me, alright?” He nods and begins to do so. “Good,” you say softly. “Try to focus on where you’re really at right now. You’re beside me, sitting on the sidewalk just down the street from Sam’s house. Everyone’s okay. Whatever your mind is trying to convince you is happening right now isn’t real.”

You watch as his shoulders relax just a bit. Then they slump with exhaustion.

The finale lasts about five minutes before there’s silence. Then loud cheering and clapping.

But this… This is nothing to celebrate.

Dean finally takes a few normal breaths before looking over at you.

“You’re scary good at that,” he says quietly.

You laugh a bit. “Well, that’s what being a therapist will do for you.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Really?”

You nod. “But I don’t practice anymore.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just didn’t feel like it was right anymore. So I started taking classes and became a CPA.”

“So, you’re like the scary tax lady?” he teases, even as a tremor runs through his body.

“Sure,” you laugh a bit. “Except I tried that for two years and about pulled my hair out. I mostly just take care of finances for a couple small businesses in town.”

He nods and then swallows hard. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” you tell him. “You couldn’t help it.”

He groans before running a hand down his face. “I thought I could handle a few stupid fireworks.”

“You tried. That’s all that matters.”

“Yeah,” he says as he looks at you out of the corner of his eyes. “And look what happened.”

You want to say more, but you just shake your head before standing up. “You want to head back, or do you need a few more minutes?”

He takes a couple deep breaths before standing to his feet. “I’m good,” he says before he begins to lead the way back to Sam’s house. You reach the driveway before Dean speaks up again. “I would explain what happened, but…”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” you tell him. “Seriously. I just couldn’t leave you to deal with it by yourself.”

“Dean.”

You both turn to see Sam carrying Kaylee across the yard. She’s still covered in cake, and she’s clutching her lady bug close to her.

“Hey, honey,” you smile as you walk over to take her.

“Jess is cleaning up inside if you want to go talk to her.”

“Okay,” you smile before carrying Kaylee inside, leaving the two brothers to talk on the lawn.

“Everything okay?” Jess asks as you walk into the house.

“Yeah,” you nod. “The fireworks were bothering Dean, and I took a walk with him to calm him down.”

She nods. “We were afraid of that. But he insisted Kaylee have fireworks on her birthday. We were just going to get some that would be fun for kids. Sparklers, smoke bombs, things like that. But, no, he had to go out and buy a whole truck load of big ones.”

“He seemed really upset,” you tell her.

“Yeah, he’s had a rough past couple of years. Did he say much to you?”

You shake your head. “I wouldn’t let him explain it. He just needed to calm down. I didn’t think that could happen if he was talking to me about it.” Kayless yawns and rests her head against your shoulder.

“You are getting icing all over Aunt (Y/N),” Jess laughs.

“Oh, she’s alright,” you say as you snuggle Kaylee a bit tighter. “I can give her her bath.”

“Don’t you worry about that,” she says. “I’ll take care of her. You need to go home and rest, Momma.”

You laugh a bit. “No one’s ever called me that before.”

“Well, you better get used to it,” she says as she walks over to take Kaylee from you. “Unless your kid is going to be like this one and decide they’re not going to even try to talk. Or walk.”

“She’ll get there eventually,” you laugh.

Jess smiles a bit before her expression turns sympathetic. “I haven’t had the chance to talk to you about it, but when I opened that card and saw that it was from you and Scott, I figured it was something he had put together and you didn’t think about it.”

“I didn’t,” you shake your head. “But I’m okay.”

“I take it he picked it out.”

“Yeah,” you smile. “He loved his little Lee Bug.”

“Okay, that is the only reason I’m letting you get by with calling her that,” she laughs.

You just smile before leaning in to kiss the birthday girl’s head. “I love you, Lee Bug.”

“You did that on purpose,” Jess says, laughing at the smile you give her.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” she says. “Text me when you get home.”

“Okay, Mom,” you tease as you turn to walk off. Sam and Dean aren’t in the yard anymore, but Dean’s car is still in the driveway so you know he’s still here. You wanted to tell Sam bye, but you’re not going to go hunting them down. Instead, you get in your car and take off driving towards home.