sola gratia

talking

with my siblings.

i did not expect that i would get to be related to such cool people.

you are so beautiful in every way and every sense of the world

and He has changed my envy to admiration.

I want to be the type of Christ follower who has His light and love radiating from them. Not the “yeah, she’s a Christian I guess”, but the “holy smokes look at all that love why is she so happy and peaceful?” type of walk.

I will be nice to the kids who break up with my kids. I will ask them how they’re doing, smile, make eye contact, still love them.

I will never stop learning. There’re so many things in the world to do and I have restless feet and itching hands. I want to get better at surfing, keep improving my massage and yoga practice, continuing getting physically strong, beat Darius’ record of 24 pull-ups, travel to at least Italy and India, possibly try snow boarding Bc that one makes more sense to me than skiing, which means I should prolly learn to skate. I want to climb so many mountains and hike and see beauty, I want to cook tasty food for myself and others, I want to have a house/apartment where people can come in almost anytime and have snacks and laugh and cry and be cozy and just talk. Lord willing, someday I’ll be married and have pancake mornings with maple syrup kisses and stargazing, and eventually little fawns running all over. I want to learn barista stuffs and how to make *good* coffee, I want to continue to develop my intuition and empathy, I want to be mentored and maybe someday mentor others. I want to READ MORE, put down this silly device more, rule it and not let it rule me. I wanna help people deal with their emotions and not be scared by them, to help them understand themselves and others. I want to be authentic, to be me as how He created me to be, in which doing so will bring glory to Him.

Elisabeth: devoted to God. That basically sums up the goal. Being saturated with God and His knowledge and goodness, staring at Him as much as I can, honoring Him in whatever I do.

I don’t want to be just one thing when I grow up. I want to be all sorts of things.

I’m a Christ follower. 20 years old. Tree climber. Liscensed massage therapist. Nanny. Aspiring yogi. INFP. Gardener. Poet. Past bakery employee, retail employee, florist. Avid journaler since age 7. past equestrian vaulter. Lover of music and feelings. Child’s heart. farthest travels to Canada and Peru. player of the ukulele, piano, penny whistle, Low D whistle, and basic knowledge of quite a few others.

soft pink sunset sky

crows en masse fly across the sky

contrast

80s makeup

December evenings

you have to process an overflow of emotion

by turning intense music up loud

and the light down low

and aggressively yoga dancing

I share vulnerable words I wrote

instead of keeping it an introvert’s secret

and people like it and tell me so.

wow.

moody jazz

sings a heart song

soft lighting

cold weights

gravel rough bold voice

deltoid lines.

concentration

keeping alignment

feeling my body

s t r e t c h

and compact.

the lightness

when you realize you

just easily did something

that used to be difficult

rocks removed

flow like water

pose to pose.

light off bare skin

muscles have contours

I marvel at them at my job

on myself

on others.

each human body

is different,

and each is art.

fatigue muscle shaking

quiver like sadness

but full of elation

endorphins flow and go and grow

make me wanna dance

but I’m too sore so

I flop on the floor and think.

my mind is a bundle of notebooks and a ball of

wire

things noticed and filed away, constantly being

written, rewritten, reread, and added to.

wire as everything connects to the big picture,

connect the dots with metal string.

I have big hands.

useful hands.

strong hands.

gentle sensitive hands

they’ll never be small and delicate.

I have peaches and cream pale skin.

I have a long Grecian nose, just like my great

grandma.

things I used to not like but now have accepted

as God’s art of me

to dislike them would be to tell God I think

He did a bad job.

I can’t do that, won’t do that, so I accept them

and now love that He gave me these useful

distinctive characteristics.

I have my grandpa’s and my mother’s hair,

thickness and volume.

I have my uncle’s eyes.

my brother has my grandpa’s face.

almost my entire family carries shades of the

sky and water in their eyes, except for the ones

with luscious cinnamon coffee eyes.

crazy to think how much history and lineage we

carry in these shells,

and these are just the people we know of that

we can compare to.

how many other ancestors have features that

they shared with my family?

maybe

I’m too self obsessed

self absorbed

which is why I write about myself so much

maybe that is wrong and I should stop

oftentimes I want to record the moment,

thoughts, smells, touches,

so I can relive the feelings I had in that

moment later on,

track and visually see how my brain is going

if I can still make sense of the ramblings it has.

childhood friend who randomly called at 11:30pm bc they wanted to catch up. eating cucumbers and cheddar in the traders Joe’s parking lot, singing my little heart out on the way home. Sweet massage clients and laughs. PAYCHECKS FROM BOTH JOBS 🙌🏻🙌🏻 Skype calls with my far away bestie. 4 1/2 hours of massage, tired but growing muscles. Feeling my intuition of muscles and people getting stronger and more sensitive. Sassing with the fam. dark meat turkey on crackers. sitting on my bed writing, singing, playing my uke, finding the range that my voice can sing effectively in.