#nighttimerambles

notes from a butch4femme lesbian currently in the dating trenches...

i went on a date a week ago and while it was long (7.5 hours - in classic lesbian fashion) i immediately had post-yap regret and post-date clarity. let me explain:

this was our first date, and we'd had class together, so i'd figured we'd have at least something to talk about, yeah? so while conversation flowed, i realized afterwards that i spent most of it keeping the conversation going—and mind you, i don't mind and sometimes the dynamic works better this way, but this was giving dry and platonic.

i get that first date nerves exist!! i understand fully that some folks like listening more than talking, but if i'm walking away from a date asking 1) was that actually a date? or 2) did i learn anything about her? then something isn't quite right.

i look back on the date fondly, but i fear she was so nervous that she fell into some dating pitfalls. let's talk about those!! (i'm going to use the pronouns she/her below since i'm using experience with my date who uses those pronouns)

when on a date, AVOID/DON'T:

call her dude, bro, queen, any typically platonic endearments (unless you're ALSO flirting (something that was NOT happening)) don't accidentally friendzone her on the first date!!

forget to talk about yourself! while it's important to listen, don't forget that the other person wants to know you too! remember that dating is that you're learning a stranger, so make sure you do equal parts talking and listening!

pretend to be someone you're not. be open and your most authentic self — to do anything else is a disservice to yourself and to other people!

when on a date, TRY/DO:

if your date flirts, try to flirt back! it's not easy, but the more you try, the easier it gets (also, try to read the room, notice what she's comfortable with! baby steps, casanova!). remember that not everything has to be suggestive, but banter also counts as flirting! if you can gently tease each other, this is a great sign!

you should match each other's freak at some level! try to match their energy (*but don't be someone you're not - reference above!!)

keep an eye open for red and/or beige flags!! this is ESSENTIAL!! if you already see something that bothers you or doesn't quite jive with you, DON'T brush it off. it'll come back to haunt you.

not saying i'm the perfect example of that, but just Trying is enough, you know? being unable to communicate or being mature about what you need and can give a partner is the quickest way to turn me off, honestly. it's just so simple and clear-cut to me, and when someone else can't meet me there, it's just immediately a no from me.

it's not my job to fix someone or change them. i mean, yeah, i can communicate how i feel with someone, but if they can't or won't address the issue, i just don't feel like it's worth sticking around. my mental health deserves better. *i* deserve better.

i think about this a lot actually, and it all comes back down to, like, the bare minimum. people settle for the bare minimum literally every single day. i hear "oh, but they're nice and funny" all the damn time. okay??? and??? so your partner is playing limbo with a bar in hell. good! great! but you deserve so much more than that?? why should you be settling for less??

i won't lie: it's a scary, scary time right now, but i think celebrating and being around folks who can and will support you is incredibly vital. take care of yourselves and each other!! nothing is more important than community.

if you're not in a place to celebrate, know that i'm toasting you and wishing you a happy pride as well. this month is for you just as much as it is for those who are out and able to celebrate openly! happy pride to those who are single. happy pride to those still healing. happy pride to those still figuring things out.

and to my fellow lesbians, in particular!! hooray!! it's our time to lez out and be unapologetically you (as long as it's safe to do so)!! i hope you get all the kisses from the pretty girl of your dreams <3

please read the DNI list below; i won't warn you twice.

i do go through my follows, so if you're a cishet man, minor or if you don't have your exact age (18+ does not count) somewhere on your blog, i will block you immediately.

if you're a minor or someone with an ageless blog interacting with my posts, i will also block you!

terfs, transphobes, zionists, fascists, racists, radfems, homophobes are NOT welcome on this blog.

pls don't interact if you're a feeder/feedee blog, or a furry!

straight women, this is not a blog for you! pls do not interact with my blog in any capacity!

if you're rude and unkind to me or anyone else, it's an automatic block. just be kind!

boundaries - please read!!:

first of all, please respect them. there's an actual person behind the username, so just because we're online doesn't mean you can cross lines and behave poorly.

DMs are for mutuals only (feel free to flirt and say hi!)

anons are welcome to ask me things (within question) and flirt (if you're polite).

don't send me nudes unless we've explicitly discussed it.

please don't spam like/reblog stuff from my blog! i will block on sight.

please do not tag your blorbos or reblog with a caption pertaining to your blorbo! i will also block on sight.

don't be an asshole?? that's a given, but apparently it still needs to be said.

anons:

as per above, feel free to pop by!

if you would like to claim an emoji, pls make sure you also tell me your age and pronouns.

taken emojis: 🫧, 🗿, 🎀, 💜, 💕, 🍬

#nighttimenothings for spicy posts. #NNlongnights are for my long posts. #nighttimerambles are for my Thoughts. #nighttimepics for my pics (do NOT repost). #ya'll ask i answer for asks, and #NNanons for nameless anons! any personal updates will be under #NNupdates.