Null Zone, 2003-2020. There are days, or periods, especially at night, when I am alone with myself, and nothing is going on, or I seek to go to a place where nothing is going on, a null zone where all activities cancel each other out, leaving a void where I go to place my body in to hang out. I sit there, in my car, parked, and stare at nothing. Little things come into mind, come into view, and I note and discard them. In this null zone, I hang suspended in nothingness, my mind in zero gravity, suspended between contentment and despair. I dwell in this state, doing nothing, expecting nothing, with no concept of the passing of time. My face muscles relax, my body slumps in surrender (to the void - Beatles, John Lennon). I see my life before me - what led to this moment, and what lies beyond this moment. I resign myself to the fact that nothing’s going to change, that I will not change. This realization saddens me and I sink into depression. My heartbeat slows and my breath becomes slow and regular. I pop a beer, or take a photograph. I turn on Joe Frank on the radio. This is as close as I get to bliss. I forget that my time on earth is limited, that it will be over soon. I make believe that I will live forever in this state. Nothing will ever happen to me - nothing bad, nothing good. Nothing. This again saddens me, because I want good things to happen, minus the bad. But I also realize that to allow good things to happen would also invite the bad things. So I decide on nothing happening, and that leaves me with a warm, cozy, womb-like feeling. I dwell in this amniotic state, and eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. The sugar and fat of the cold milk heightens the high. Finally, I realize I’ve made the full circuit, and not wanting to repeat it because it would lack the air of discovery and only be boring, trammeling the fresh feelings I had experienced, I turn the ignition key on my truck, start the engine, and go home to sleep alone in my bed, with no thoughts, and dream the dreams of a dead person, to wake up refreshed, with a blank slate ahead of me for the day. https://www.instagram.com/p/CLBYpEXrUzF/?igshid=1y2o6covch2dq
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