all i need is coordination

Einstürzende Neubauten at Les Transmusicales festival, Rennes, 1989/12/08

TOKOPHOBIA

> ⚪ raven's lesson ⚫

a piece about being two-spirit and transgender.

i designed this piece to resemble a chest that is post-mastectomy top surgery, just like mine; raven's wings and torso represent pectoral muscles, and his legs and talons are double incision scars.

in tsimshian adaawx (true tellings, not folklore or myth) as well as some neighbouring nations, it's said that raven used to be white long ago. as is often the case for trans people, i made drastic changes to my presentation and body from what i was born/grew up with/pressured into; so i found meaning that raven once looked very different too. it's also an analogy for adaptation: the white half of raven represents the old ways, & the black, modern times - ntvs broadly have had to adapt our ways as colonization continues, & i think two-spirit people have a unique relationship with this; we try to find ourselves in our histories that are sometimes nearly totally erased, we move in & out of colonial genders & western LGBT identities as it suits us.

also, raven is very resourceful & transforms into other beings; likewise, we adapt & transform. hes also self-motivated - not even stealing the sun is off limits! we are also by necessity self-propelled, tenaciously chasing down treatment or making other transformations. even when we have to sneak under the noses of authority figures in our lives to do it.

this split between two also gets at my own experience - in english terms, i'm approximately nonbinary. i needed T & top surgery, but my transition was not to a man but a different "woman" gender. it's very painful for me that under colonial gender, i am flattened. i'm more comfortable than ever as this new kind of woman, but i had to accept that many will initially perceive me as a man, even if i'm rarely read as cis. it's like i'm inbetween two worlds - and my life is MILES better for not dealing with severe dysphoria now that i'm mostly done with my transition, don't get me wrong, but it hurts to not be seen for the wholeness of the role that i occupy.

Also, it appears I have been denied entry into Omnia.