WAKE

@wiindus​​ liked!​     /     ventus & xion!

“I didn’t know people had to eat,” she explains — they’re getting lunch together, and she’s considering desert options.  “Nobodies don’t have to.”  Not that she was a Nobody / even less real than the darkness.  “All I’d ever eaten before was sea salt ice cream, so when I got this new vessel and started feeling hungry as it turned more human, I was really confused.”  Ax — LEA takes she and Roxas out a lot, eager to show them things they’ve never experienced.  “Food is really good, though!”

@wiindus·.     /     post kh3 softness.

‘ ven. ’ 

it’s been too long since they’ve spoken  ,  terra thinks  ,  &  he offers the blonde a kind smile when he approaches.  he wonders if it’ll get easier  ,  adjusting to everything now that he’s….well  ,  now that he’s  himself  again.  it’s strange  ,  &  he crosses his arms before he speaks  ,  looking down. 

‘ how’ve…..how’ve you been ?? ’

     ❝ good! ❞

     the response felt automatic, a bit too quick, even though it was his own. his difficulty sleeping felt like it had no place in the conversation, despite the question. his gaze focused on terra’s nose rather than his eyes–––– he didn’t mind the single eye full of gold, but sometimes it could make him FLINCH, & the last thing he wanted was for terra to think he was afraid. 

⟨   starter  call◞    ❛  @wiindus  .   ⟩

❛   … sorry ,   you   just   feel   like …      someone   very   special   to   me .  ❜

She listens — that, at least, she can do.  Knows how to be quiet, even if only to protect herself — without words but not without reactions.  Her eyes narrow, teeth grinding; how dare ANYONE hurt him?  Let alone his Master.  Thinking that KILLING VENTUS WAS THE HAPPY ENDING…THAT HE MADE VENTUS THINK THAT HE HAD TO DIE.  That’s wrong.  That’s too close to her story and he doesn’t deserve that kind of hurt.  Xion’s nothing / a doll / an empty space / but HE’S REAL.  He’s good.  It isn’t right that he ————

Terra and Aqua forgave him, he says.  Her teeth grind further.  Terra and Aqua accepted his apology.  It doesn’t make them bad, he says.  Her eyes squeeze shut.  That’s okay, he says.

That’s okay.

“IT’S NOT!”

She isn’t sure when she stood up — when her hands turned to fists at her side and when she started crying.  But she can’t breathe and she stares at him and she’s so angry, angry for him and for herself and FURIOUS AT TERRA AND AQUA and not ALLOWED to be angry at the ones who are real.  But how —— how could they ———

Her hands press to her face; the heels of her palms dig into her eyesockets until they burn.  “It’s not okay!  How can you say that?!”  Xion’s not allowed to be angry and she’s not allowed to be selfish and this is bad she’s bad she’s so bad they might hurt her for this they might kill her for this but she can’t she can’t THIS CAN’T BE RIGHT.  “I don’t understand —”  It’s a low, miserable sob.

“Doesn’t it make you angry?  Don’t you — don’t you feel like, like — like if they really loved you, that hurting you would BE ENOUGH TO MAKE THEM HATE HIM?”

She’s crying and she’s furious and he deserves better and she deserves better and it’s too much.  It’s too much.  HOW MUCH HURT DOES SHE HAVE TO SUFFER BEFORE IT’S UNFORGIVABLE?  HOW MUCH CAN OTHERS HURT HER AND HER FRIENDS PRETEND THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER?  HOW MUCH DOES SHE MEAN TO THEM IF IT’S THAT EASY TO LOVE THE THING THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED HER ——

She bites back another sob, hands leaving her face to throw out beside her.  It’s selfish but she’s angry and she’s tired of being selfless and she’s tired of HIM HAVING TO BE SELFLESS.  “How EXPENDABLE are we?  How come hurting us DOESN’T MATTER TO THEM?”  Her voice breaks; it’s a shrill, furious shout : “HOW CAN HE FORGIVE HIM WHEN HE CALLED ME ‘IT’?!”

Her hands fall to her side — she slumps, exhausted, as though all the energy’s left her with the sound of that single, stupid word.  She sobs and she aches and guilt floods her, mixes with the anger, makes her feel sick.  She made it about her.  She dared to be angry at Terra and Aqua and Lea.  She…

She’s bad.  This is the proof : Ventus can forgive, and allow others to.  Xion can’t be anything but selfish.

     she stood up, & he wasn’t sure what to expect at first. but, then he saw her narrowed gaze, her clenched fists, & before long there were TEARS streaming down her face, & he couldn’t help the way his mouth fell slightly agape & his posture shifted. he tried to backpedal, tried to figure out just what he said that would have upset her so ( had he explained something incorrectly? had he offended her in some way? he had done something wrong but he didn’t know what––––he didn’t know what ).

     he jumped at her exclamation ( a rather undignified shout of surprise leaving him ), back hitting the wall uncomfortably but not enough to bruise. he hissed, but didn’t take his eyes off of XION, shocked by her sudden anger–––– only, he had a feeling it wasn’t sudden at all. it had been sitting there, growing along with the sadness & confusion but without an outlet. & HERE IT WAS now.

     ❝ hey, don’t––––. ❞ but, her hands were already pressed against her eyes, her voice drowning his out, & suddenly there are far too many question. & they’re not easy. they feel like the questions that terra had asked when he first arrived, questions he should have an answer to, & he wanted nothing more than to hold his head & SCREAM.

      ❝ i–––– i––––. ❞ 

     he had no answer. he didn’t know how he could say that. it was how he felt, it was how they felt, & that was okay ( that was okay, that was okay, that was OKAY ).

     ❝ no, i don’t––––. ❞ on thought switched to the next, his throat constricting with TEARS that he wanted to shed.❝ terra & aqua love me––––. ❞

     & then, all of a sudden, he was ANGRY too. he wanted to tell her that wasn’t fair. she hadn’t been there. she hadn’t been there for the uncertainty & the fear, but she also hadn’t been there for the happiness & the love & the smiles. & he came so, so close to standing up ad yelling himself––––.

     & he watched her slump instead, realizing that this had never been about him & eraqus at all. it had still HURT to hear, he was still upset. but, suddenly, he didn’t feel like yelling anymore.

     ❝ xion––––. ❞

     his first instinct was to hug her, but he knew she didn’t like that, he didn’t want to make things WORSE, & so his arms retreated. but, he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to HELP.

     it felt like chasing after terra ALL OVER AGAIN.

O h

O K A Y

Ven: -ends up with like four paragraphs-

“—— Terra mentioned that he hurt you, but I…don’t know anything else.”  Some of it she sees — his memories, moments she has no context for, that still leak into her body, but she’s done her best to forget them like dreams upon waking.  They are not her memories.  SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO HIS HISTORY.  The thought alone is enough.  Xion’s superiors had seen her as a tool at best a THING at worst, and the thought that Ventus didn’t have better makes her ache.  Makes her angry.  “I — didn’t want to pry.”

     ❝ hey, you can ask about anything you want, okay? i’ll always try to answer. ❞ &, he meant that. still, because she had decided not to ask, he had no idea how much she knew, & so he settled in.❝ before master xehanort––––. ❞ he didn’t catch himself calling him master until it was too late, & he tried not to stumble over it, he didn’t want to draw attention to it, that he still felt compelled to use the TITLE. so, he just continued.

     ❝ ––––tried the keyblade war, he wanted me & vanitas to fight to make the χ––––blade. i...was kinda weak back then, so they tricked me into running around the worlds to get stronger before telling me about it. i went home really angry, because nobody had ever told me––––. ❞ he stopped himself. he wasn’t here to talk about how he’d felt back then, only NOW.❝ uh, anyway, i went back, & the master decided the only way to stop xehanort was to–––– end me. ❞>

     but you must EXIST no more.

     ❝ &, i thought he was right. ❞ sometimes, he still did.❝ i was gonna let him, but terra saved me. ❞ & now, hopefully, to the POINT.❝ sometimes, i think about it & i get really mad. if he were here, i’d probably yell at him for it. or ignore him. ❞ or cry. ❝i’m––––i’m not sure. but, i don’t think things would be the same way they were before. ❞ seeing him in scala he’d been overwhelmed with emotion, but he knew, if he’d had time, he would have told him how upset he was ( how he never felt like eraqus loved him like he loved terra & aqua ).

( birthday kisses | @auroraleos​ )

     the moment he caught sight of the ice cream, ven’s eyes grew wide, the thought of the DELICIOUSNESS to come sending excitement thrumming through his veins. he hadn’t had any ice cream since his trip to disney town with riku, & it was clear by his face that it was long overdue.

     it took another glance to realize that this double crunch wasn’t quite as perfect as the double crunches that were made in disney town ( the kind of perfection that came from years & years of PRACTICE, while this one looked like it had been studied, but not quite mastered ), & it clicked quickly.

     ❝ you made this? ❞

     knowing that just made him want to eat it all the more, but he waited, the picture of patience as riku approached with the ice cream, hand extended only slightly to accept the sweets in the decorative bowl.

     his eyes were focused on the ice cream, & so he wasn’t prepared for the way that riku leaned down. he only REALIZED what was happening a moment before it happened, his eyes lifting just in time for riku’s lips to meet his.

     a kiss. his FIRST KISS.  

     & he felt like he was FLYING.

     he was all but frozen, even as riku’s lips moved to his forehead, his cheeks building up in a startlingly bright shade of PINK. he held a little tighter to the ice cream bowl, letting the coolness ground him.

     ❝ th–––– thanks, riku. ❞

     a few moments of QUIET, & ven seemed to get his voice back, holding up the ice cream slightly ( though his cheeks were no less pink than they had been since the kiss ).

( birthday boy! | @darknessbled )

     ❝ a little birdie, huh? ‘s not like it’s been on the same day every year! ❞

     despite the tease, ven was grinning, excitement rolling off of him in waves. he knew what was coming &, while he tried not to seem like he was anticipating anything, he was looking forward to terra’s gift. it wasn’t that he was expecting anything EXTRAVAGANT–––– terra could give him a rock & he would absolutely adore it–––– it was just the thought that his friends had remembered his birthday, thought of him, & gotten something, anything for him, that filled his heart with warmth.

     he rose up on his toes, hands extended the moment terra said that he made him something. he shut his eyes before closing them & opening them again, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep it a surprise as long as possible or see it right away ( he eventually decided he wasn’t PATIENT enough & kept his eyes open ).

     the moment the charm was placed into his hands, he let out a little gasp, studying it closely & running his fingers over the little GROOVES & CURVES with his mouth slightly agape.

     ❝ terra, this is awesome! ❞

     he couldn’t help the small, but gleeful laugh that left him, holding the charm to his chest. he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with it yet, but he was wondering if he was careful enough to keep it in his pocket–––– ALWAYS WITHIN REACH.

     he TUCKED it away for right then, gaze turning to terra before lunging forward, hugging him tightly.