I was only misguided—promise I was misguided.

Maybe it was for the best, even if right now it seemed kind of miserable.

“You’re acting weird, Evie,” she protested, frustrated by the whole thing. Evie had shot down the chance of them being anything more than two people who fucked, she didn’t get to imply anything about the people Betsy chose to surround herself with. “Whatever-let’s just drop it. Lily’s my friend and nothing’s going to change that, anyway, so I don’t see the point in arguing about it.” It wasn’t worth it. Evie didn’t want to stick around 

Betsy just shrugged at Evie’s words, not sure how else she was supposed to take any of this, and not wanting to push it further. Everything she was doing tonight seemed to set Evie on edge, and she just wanted a moment to herself to breathe, to try and sort through the mess that the two of them had become.  And now she didn’t feel like she had anything particularly figured out, especially not where Evie was involved. “I don’t know about that,” she murmured, heart aching in her chest. Evie was all she had ever wanted, the kind of person she had always dreamed of being with. She didn’t know why, but something about the other girl always made her feel safe. It was silly. Objectively, she shouldn’t feel that way and she knew that, but she couldn’t help it. But now, Evie tense as she stood to get dressed, Betsy felt a sharp pain in her chest. Having Evie’s ire on her didn’t feel good. “I’m not the one who’s ashamed of who they’re sleeping with,” Betsy mumbled, her eyes starting to water. “But you’re free to do whatever you want.” It was clear that Betsy wasn’t part of what Evie wanted.  It stung, knowing her and Evie were over, that she had pushed too much and now the part of Evie she had was being taken from her. “I guess this is goodbye, then.”

She would live with the regret of hurting Cam for the rest of her life, and seeing the person she loved the most in the world crying in front of her, and knowing that she was to blame for that? Maisie might as well tear her own heart out of her chest. This was never what she wanted. Cam was supposed to move on, to find someone better who could be there for her and love her the way she deserved to be loved. All she had ever wanted was for Cam to be happy, and standing closer to her than she had in years, it was obvious that she had made the wrong choice. Maisie couldn’t take those years back. She couldn’t change the pain she caused Camilla, couldn’t really even fix what she had broken. Helpless, that’s how she felt, staring at Cam crying and knowing that not only was it her fault but that she couldn’t do anything to help. 

“Cami,” her voice was soft, strained by her own tears as she moved a little bit closer to the other girl. She hesitated, reaching out but letting her hand fall to her side in a half aborted gesture. She wouldn’t touch Cam, not unless the other girl asked, but it was instinct, even years later, to want to hug the other girl when she was upset. “I never-you were never not on my mind,” Maisie admitted, shrugging her shoulders, sheepish. “You were-Cam, I know I fucked up, and how I treated you was wrong, but-Cam, every single day I thought about calling you and praying that you’d pick up so I could beg you to just let me try to fix it.” Maisie shook her head, taking a deep breath as she tried to calm her tears. “I know it’s not really something I can fix. But I don’t want you to think that you didn’t matter, that you don’t matter to me. You’re always gonna matter to me. I’m sorry, that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you what you wanted and that I handled it the way I did. You deserved better than how I treated you.” She wiped at her tears, trying to get rid of the wetness on her cheeks.

This was better than Maisie could have asked for. Forgiveness was something she knew she’d never get-it’s not what she deserved, not something she could earn, and she knew that. But for Cam to not hate her, to let her stay? That was beyond what Maisie had let herself dream of getting. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me,” she moved an inch closer to Cam, wanting to be as near to her as she could. She was probably pushing her luck, but she couldn’t help it. She had missed Cam every day, missed being around her and hearing her laugh. “You’d be well within your right to. But Cam, you’re my best friend, too.” Maisie sniffled, her tears threatening to break loose as soon as she got a hold on them. “I’ve missed you, you know?” It was her own fault that she did, but it was true. Even before she had slipped out of Cam’s life, she had missed the girl every moment they were apart. Now, in the same room, she still missed  Cam, the Cam she used to know everything about and got to see every part of. Maisie would take what she could get, and she would be happy with that. But her heart still would do anything for Cam. God, even now, if Cam asked, Maisie would drop everything, forget music was ever something she cared about and come back here to be by Cam’s side. She’d give it all up in an instant for Cam, she always would have. “I won’t leave until you ask me,” Maisie admitted quietly, moving once more just a bit closer. “I’d love to catch up. I wanna-I wanna know everything you’re willing to share with me.”