(^-^)

"cigarette" implies the existence of a much larger "cigar"

They should invent a person who is sexually attracted to you and also cares about you as a person

so blessed to have the latter but… I just want to be used as a toy sometimes

Oh okay bc we were all wondering

"shakespeare's pretentious!" "shakespeare's boring!" "shakespeare's confusing!" "shakespeare's just sex jokes!" "shakespeare's —" shakespeare is whatever the hell you want it to be. shakespeare knows no bounds

I’m gonna kill (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) someone else (remembers murder is bad) on accident (realizes it’s not an accident if I say I’m gonna do it) and I know because I’m from the future (remembers lying is bad) no I’m not (feels guilty) I’m so so sorry (remembers actions speak louder than words) (does a backflip)

drake?

josh?

where’s the body of christ?

I am pro-accredited aquariums and zoos. My posts critiquing the animal rights movement are blowing up right now and I just want to come out and say definitively that I appreciate zoos and aquariums allowing the public to view wild animals without potentially disturbing them in their natural habitat or resorting to the illegal exotic pet trade. It is valuable for conservation purposes and many aquariums/zoos take unreleasable wildlife and host breeding programs for endangered species. They are not just institutions for human amusement, they are integral to maintaining public interest and studying the ecology and biology of the animals contained within.

Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

ive actually been locked away in the tower and its not really so bad

ive been thinking about the meme of garfield that goes "you dont hate mondays you hate capitalism" and editing it to "you dont hate masculinity/men you hate the patriarchy" but one im afraid that might be #toowoke for this audience and two i can just imagine all of the annoying people in the comments who will gladly brag about how the whole point flew over their heads and how basic their understanding of feminism is

you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

ⓘ This user is a malicious entity made of seafoam.

Out of my way, bothersome footnote, I'm about to get it

here's the thing. I don't think that men and women can't be friends. I do think, however, that some men can't be friends with women. bc they are misogynists and don't see women as people. so if you as a man say men and women can't be friends I think you're telling on yourself

i think the internet should transition from being so usa-centric to being brazil-centric. not cos i have any personal connection or bias towards brazil, i just think if anyone could possibly usurp america’s cultural dominance online it’d be them