why the hail not

I don't wear makeup too much, but I wanted to play around with my usual go-to look this morning :3

Just some concealer, blush and a little eyeshadow (and blended out eye pencil)! And Vaseline because I can't wear lipsticks/glosses 😅 but was feeling cute and wanted to share! 💖

I feel like something I want to get back to doing is just even doing a quick eye look like this every now and then! I love just putting a light shadow and/or shimmer on the inner corners - it makes me feel so bright ✨

i think you changed the chemicals in my brain because omg are we hot?? is this the hot girl summer everyone talks about?? I think your transcendant beauty has radicalized me..? 😍✨

(im so so sorry if this is rude btw,,,!! im so bad with tones, i just meant this is very inspiring to me as a big person and how we SHOULD be allowed to embrace feeling hot and looking cute and showing skin and unapologetically feeling GOOD about ourselves!!)

Hell YES!!! THIS IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!! 🥳👏💖💕💖💕

This is not rude at all, you are so sweet to send this and this means the absolute world to me!! 🥹💖💖💕💕 I am so happy and flattered that seeing me helped you recognize how beautiful you are too! That makes me elated to hear!!

We are unfortunately given such a horrifically narrow definition to what beauty is and it takes a lot of constant effort to unlearn and expand that definition over time! And struggling with dysmorphia and self esteem makes it even harder! The more people you look at and see their beauty (that are outside thin and white standards), the more beautiful the world gets! And it becomes a practice to keep doing!! All of our traits that we have - our soft bellies, our large arms, our soft chins, our hair, our noses, our wrinkles, our stretch marks - they all contribute our own beautiful unique architecture. And especially in the current (constant) epidemic of sameness - isn't it so beautiful and lovely to be different? Isn't it amazing to be so singular? Your very presence adds to any scenery you visit, breaking through the monotony that people see on their screens or on tv. We all become reminders to just how beautiful the world is.

And through another lens : The capitalist, white supremacist world WANTS you to feel like shit because that's the how they make money and exercise more power over you (and isolate you). The best way to fight back is to feel utter joy in your body. To recognize just how beautiful you were all along! And how beautiful you'll continue to be as life grows and changes us!!! 💖💖

I apologize for the long ramble response! This is just something I'm deeply passionate about and I'm always happy to hear someone else recognizing their beauty!!

Just did my big move back to my hometown this past weekend - my head is reeling and I'm trying to get settled so I can get back to work, but at least Bogart is getting comfortable and cozy hehe 🥰

It's nice having space again, and I want to get back into these bite sized moments of seeing myself and my body. In this heightened age of ozempic weight loss and conformity, it feels more important than ever to appreciate and love your body and find beauty in yourself and day to day, even if it's overcast and you're wearing sweatpants 💖

Sometimes one must do a hot girl photoshoot to realize that this dress is for the donation bin 😔 but we shall look hot while doing it 😔👏💖

As my brain is in moving flux, I've been struck with dumb, inconsequential mental debates! And I've been thinking of whether I prefer bangs or no bangs lately 🤔

Part of it is definitely that I haven't NOT had bangs in so long!! And also, I feel like my hair right now looks best if I have my front strands pulled back. Maybe I just need to mentally get used to this sort of minimal "styling" that I need to do with my hair now? Maybe that's just the dumb hurdle I need to get over?

Anyways, just wanted to write it out here to get it out of my head and in front of me so I can figure it out! There's one million more pressing things to think about but hey! It's fun giving thought to the small things too 🎉💕

*this is why it's helpful! Now that I'm looking I feel like I do like how my hair is right now! Maybe I just need to learn to play with it more!

We haven't met up yet because of the holidays, but honestly I keep finding myself at a crossroads of if I'm even attracted to men at all?

The last couple days, I've been feeling a sort of trepidation that fills me as I try to envision a relationship with this man. And I feel like I've had this sort of feeling each time I've gone on a date with a man. A sneaking pit of dread that I find myself sitting in.

Unfortunately/fortunately, a lot of the dates end up being pretty terrible honestly! Really none of the men I've been on a date with were personality/life compatible at all - however that makes it easy to just say "ah yes, this is just a classic incompatibility" until I have a date with another man, and the dread creeps in again.

I feel like this is some sort of queer signal to myself! But it's hard because I've identified as bisexual for so long. Perhaps I just like men in fiction? Perhaps I have too much baggage with men in my life (my father, bullies, old 'friends', etc) who have made me feel so small and insignificant? Who have made me feel too much like a prop in their life - like so many women have gone through? Gender thoughts and sexuality are always so much harder to ponder when you're sitting in them? I start to feel like I'm stuck in a paste!

Before I started writing this, I thought : "Oh I'll make a comic"! But good lord, that's so tedious and exhausting. I think I just wanted to write this and share it. Perhaps for anyone else who has had a similar experience/is currently experiencing this.

I'm thinking of calling off the date with this nice man, mostly to save ourselves both time.

I also got my covid booster in september and my flu vaccine yesterday (which is kicking my butt quite a bit?! Dang!!) BUT! Maybe...I can kiss a cute girl or something at new years when my friends go out and dance > w >;;; Fingers crossed!