Why Can't We Be "Just Friends"?

Analyses

Part I. The Friends to Lovers Trope: The Good, The Bad, The Unnecessary

1.a. Maybe the Trope Still Has Some Rights: Mal/Alina and the Beauty of a Trope Done Right

1.b. But Not Always: Tall Girl’s Jack Dunkleman and the Questionable Endgame

1.c. Sometimes It’s Unnecessary: Ash Princess’s Blaise and Why We Can Scrap the Love Triangle

Part II. How Did We Get Here: Society’s Gendered Expectations for Friendships

2. Friendship and Gender: An Analysis on Skyward Flight’s Platonic Dynamics

Part III. Attraction Will Always Get In the Way: the Toxic Side Effects of the Under-representation of Cross-Sex Friendships

3. The Harm Done: “Nice Guys” and the Myth of the Friendzone

Part IV. Beards, Solidarity, and No Romo: Cross-Sex Friendships and Queerness

4. a. A Platonic Power Couple: The MLM/WLW Solidarity Representation in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

4. b. No Romo: Loveless and the Socially Subversive, Aromantic Self-Discovery Journey

Part V. The Light at the End of the Tunnel: Examples of Better Representation of Cross-Sex Friendships

5. a. A Magical Lady of a Fallen House and Her Royal Scion Bodyguard Walk Into an Inn: Moiraine & Lan as a Cross-Sex Friendship Representation

5. b.  The Feeling was Friendship: Shallan & Kaladin and the Realistic Portrayal of Cross-Sex Friendships

5. c. Diaper Buddies: The Cliche-breaking Friendship of Moon Ji Woong and Ji Seung Wan in Twenty-Five, Twenty-One

5. d. Partners-in-Crime: Inej Ghafa and Jesper Fahey as a Platonic Pairing

5. e. A Little Toxicity for Variety: The Tragedy of Fang Runin and Chen Kitay’s Friendship

Original Content

Recitation: Rhythm of War chapter 12

A good representation does not always mean a positive portrayal. After all, toxic cross-sex friendships exist in real life so why should they be excluded from the media? A favorite example of mine is the friendship between Fang Runin and Chen Kitay in R.F. Kuang’s The Poppy War trilogy. In this essay, I will explore their tragic and toxic friendship as well as the anchor bond that highlights those aspects.

First of all, what is the anchor bond? In short, during the events of The Dragon Republic, Rin and Kitay chose to have their souls connected in such a way that they can feel each other’s pain and live as long as the other does. Most importantly, with Kitay’s consent, Rin can use Kitay as a conduit to call on the Phoenix God, overcome her mental block, and use the power she had been unable to access throughout the book.

How does it represent the toxicity of their friendship? First and foremost is the codependent nature of the bond. Rin is dependent on Kitay’s consent for her power while Kitay’s life depends on Rin’s survival. They are already morally codependent on each other with Rin seeking absolution and justification for her war crimes in Kitay and him seeking someone who would realize his vengeance against the invading forces. As stated in the epilogue, there is no world where Rin died and Kitay remained alive and this is unhealthy.

The second is exploitation and enablement. While Kitay’s consent is necessary for Rin to call on the Phoenix, it still means that Rin routinely rips into Kitay’s mind which is torturous for him. Yet Rin does this exploitative action almost mindlessly in a matter of weeks and Kitay almost always gives his permission. Outside the bond, Kitay was dragged along and never really had the chance to leave Rin as she descended into tyranny. Instead of continuing to challenge Rin’s heinous actions, the seemingly morally upright Kitay learns to forgive them and makes sure all Rin’s gambits succeed. Instead of pushing them apart, these instances only made them closer friends.

In the Six of Crows duology, Kaz Brekker trusted only two of his fellow gang members the most: Inej Ghafa and Jesper Fahey. Of course, a cohesive thieving crew can only succeed so often at their heist when they work together. In this essay, I will talk about their friendship in the books and the influence of the third member of the group, Kaz Brekker, on their dynamic.

Like many other friendships in this segment, Inej and Jesper’s personalities and backgrounds complement each other. Jesper’s happy-go-lucky and flirtatious attitude stands in stark contrast to Inej’s more reserved nature. While Inej joined the Dregs to escape from an even worse situation, Jesper joined because he spiraled into a gambling addiction. However, they are both connected by their immigrant status, love for their parents, and having to deal with Kaz’s broody antics.

Their closeness and trust is notable. They banter as often as they confide in each other. A particular situation to analyze is when Inej was gravely injured because a rival gang used some information Jesper accidentally gave away to attack the crew. We can see Jesper’s platonic love for Inej in his guilt and how he visited Inej twice a day while in recovery and helped her walk around the ship they were in while Kaz took two days to gather the courage to have small talk. When Inej found out about Jesper’s accidental tip-off in Crooked Kingdom, after a good-natured jab at Jesper’s unexpectedly hilarious middle name, she forgave him and helped him learn to forgive himself. After all, it was an accident and not a malicious sabotage.

Kaz Brekker being the third person in the friendship does complicate their dynamics. There is romantic attraction blooming between Inej and Kaz though Kaz was not willing to be vulnerable. Jesper, on the other hand, wants Kaz’s appreciation and validation which Kaz was not too willing to give. While there was some jealousy from Jesper’s side for very justifiable reasons, they remain best friends and work well together as teammates in the heists they partake in.

In the Korean drama Twenty-Five, Twenty-One, the main cast is connected by their relationships, platonic and romantic. While there are several cross-sex friendships within the group, I will focus on the most prominent example. In this essay, I will discuss Moon Ji Woong and Ji Seung Wan’s friendship and its cliche-breaking nature.

The audience was immediately informed of their friendship once female lead, Na Hee Do, moved to their school. She caught a senior pressuring Ji Woong into dating her and then accusing him of dating Seung Wan. However, when Hee Do got to know the two it was clear that they were just friends and Ji Woong was attracted to Hee Do’s rival instead of Seung Wan. Throughout the drama, this stigma was brought up again because the two sincerely just want to hang out.

As the Ji Woong/Yu Rim romance grew, Ji Woong and Seung Wan’s friendship kept going strong. Seung Wan was always there whenever Ji Woong needed some reassurance. However, Seung Wan is not just a cardboard cutout supportive best friend. She felt pangs of jealousy because of the very understandable fear of losing a friend. Fortunately, it never crossed the threshold into seeing Yu Rim as a romantic rival.

The depth of Ji Woong and Seung Wan’s platonic devotion peaked in episode 12. To protest against a teacher’s physical abuse against Ji Woong, Seung Wan exposed the school and teacher through the radio. When the school threatened to expel her if she does not retract her statement, Seung Wan chose to quit school in protest. Ji Woong, feeiling guilty over what he perceives as dragging down Seung Wan with him, tried to stop her. In the end, Seung Wan left the school but not before telling Ji Woong how much she loved him as a friend and comforted him. The two remained friends into adulthood.

Brandon Sanderson’s The Stormlight Archive is known for many things. One of them is the relationship between each member of its expansive cast which included many platonic relationships. In this essay, I will explore the friendship between Kaladin Stormblessed and Shallan Davar and the realistic journey that took them to that realization and its relations to the worldbuilding.

While Shallan and Kaladin hailed from very different backgrounds, they both grew up isolated and raised with a similar mindset regarding relations with people of another gender. Kaladin’s parents nudged him to befriend their lord’s daughter, hoping it will end with a marriage which can alleviate their marginalized state. Shallan, on the other hand, was sheltered due to her father’s controlling and abusive nature. She expected to never know a man outside her family other than the husband her father would have chosen for her. 

In the second book, Shallan and Kaladin finally interacted after having individual plots in the previous installment. Their first meeting ended with Shallan stealing Kaladin’s boots and they spent their second meeting loudly and creatively insulting each other in public. Even better, they opened up to each other when they were stuck together trying to survive in the chasms, which sparked attraction in them. It made sense why they were drawn to each other.

In Oathbringer, however, it was made clear that they make better friends than lovers. Shallan became passive agressive toward Kaladin once she found out he killed her brother and Kaladin does not really understand Shallan’s mental health problems. There were also instances where Shallan made classist remarks regarding Kaladin. They still make a good team but in the end, they made the choices that are better for them: Shallan choosing to marry Adolin and Kaladin being happily single and seeing Shallan as a sibling figure.