Why am I disgruntled?

Mixed emotions after judge describes Deborah as “the best dressed woman I’ve ever convicted of Vehicular Manslaughter”.

After having his arm broken by a wayward shot at the Bernabéu, Liam is gutted to learn it was Real Madrid’s right back Dani Carvajal and “not someone good like Benzema, Hazard or Kroos”.

After several increasingly fraught performances at his local pub’s Open Mic Night, Mark finally concedes a “wind chime is not a proper instrument”.

Karl’s paternity leave starts with an office whip round of 36 quid and card signed “All the best with your ginger kid”.

Marianne and Pickles getting increasing miffed at Uber driver who is “completing a nearby trip”.

Gregor spends so much time perfecting his moody author’s photo, he “completely forgets” to write the accompanying series of gritty crime novels based around the cases of maverick cop Sheriff Greg Champagne.

Vicky and Boz are unhappy to learn that a trampoline outside their bedroom window is not a viable alternative to a working smoke alarm.

The No.78 to Runcorn becomes sentient, immediately running over bus regular Neville in revenge for him sticking chewing gum under 34 of its seats.

The Troll from the Three Billy Goats Gruff sues The Daily Mail for revealing he is, in fact, a retired Chartered Surveyor from Kent.

Margaret “not best pleased” after her daughters “do the one-two” in the “Most Punchable Kid” category of their school’s end of term awards.

Siobhan’s stripper pole callously stolen just days after she felt she was “making some real progress” on strengthening her pelvic floor.

Hoarder is “scared to return home” after flat receives “a good, old Spring clean” during a break-in by some sympathetic burglars.

School cricket XI’s abject record not helped by their opening batsman’s relaxed stance and the fact they field in tight groups of three with their arms folded.

Judith taken aback after discovering immigration official marked 17 pages of her passport with a homemade stamp which read: “Getting on a bit, but still definitely would”.

Cycling enthusiast naively follows Chris Froome’s training regime to the letter, including the bit about crashing into a wall at 54 kilometres per hour.

Café owner Pat perturbed to discover than his is the last premises in Britain to start serving what he still describes as “this new-fangled ‘coffee’ muck”.

Gavin once again becomes London’s least profitable street performer after choosing a deserted cut through in East Finchley to unveil his act “man stands still in no discernable costume holding mug” .