“oh have you not figured it out? you don’t get to leave”
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@why-not-enjoy-it
“oh have you not figured it out? you don’t get to leave”

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“there’s something fundamentally wrong with me that no one could ever love”
“that’s not true”
“you have zero evidence to back that up and i have years of experience”
please for the sake of heaven and hell and everything in between i just want to be loved
i’m so tired
i’m so tired
please
i can’t do this anymore
i never could
it’s too much
please
please for the love of god
end this
i can’t take it
“it won’t always be like this”
“do you promise?”
“…no”

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“please don’t hurt me”
“… i’m sorry”
“what if i hurt you?”
“i’d welcome it”
you‘re fucked up. and you’re tired. you are so, so tired.
so you write
you write them broken, you write them human, you write them spitting blood out of bruised lips, sneering and crying.
you write them desperate, you write them lonely in their bathroom, eyes red. you write them with broken mirrors and you write them angry.
you write them like they could be loved, like they are on the edge of being loved, like they could just be loved if they were only to try harder, to be enough.
you write them hated, and hating themselves, you write them ashamed and begging to God, you write them ears ringing. you write them panicked and aching, and yearning and empty.
you write them hungry, you write them with cracked lips.
you write them and you pretend that it’s not you in the pages.
you write them and pray to God yourself, that you’re not being written too.
you write them.
you’re so tired.
you keep writing them.
“don’t do this,” his voice breaks, “please,” barely more than a whisper
“please! I didn’t do this!”
“i can’t believe i trusted you”

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sometimes he wondered how much of them he’d really been able to save, and how much had been left in that dark place of bloodstained concrete.
my heart beats in time with the cursor
the page remains blank
“what an ass”
“i think i’m in love”
alternatively
“what an ass… i think i’m in love”
“what an ass”
“i think i’m in love”
“are you insane?! i thought you were gonna get us killed!”
“i hope you’re not disappointed”

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in quiet moments, they dreamed of the things they would do if they ever left this place. small joys; things they had taken for granted, that they swore they never would again.
finally, finally they slept. pain, twisting it’s way from the darkness into their dreams. rest, polluted and strange.