the ghost goodbye

But fuck, he is so tired of saying yes when he doesn’t mean it more often than when he does. He could mean it with them.

Stumbling downstairs midway through a Carter Foundation benefit, John is relieved to find that Carol and Doug haven’t left yet and asks to go home with them. Something is clearly wrong — something he seems reluctant to explain.

do the scenes trigger whumpee, prematurely letting the secret slip?

does caretaker turn the movies off, mumbling something about it being disgusting and gross, making whumpee feel as though they're what's disgusting and gross about it?

does caretaker notice the recurring theme and wonder if whumpee's trying to tell them something? that whumpee was raped... or that whumpee has some sort of kink here?

does caretaker have some sort of kink here, and whumpee ends up finding out because caretaker's body reacts against caretaker's will?

is caretaker also a rape victim, unbeknownst to whumpee, and the scenes trigger caretaker, forcing whumpee and caretaker to switch roles?

or does caretaker already know whumpee was assaulted, and turns the movies off for whumpee's sake? but it still makes whumpee feel ashamed anyway, for wanting to watch and feel so related to such a depiction.

Staring at the ceiling, unable to move, unable to think, unable to do anything.

Crying and screaming, not being able to deal with it anymore, but also not being able to get away from it.

Breathing through it and feeling some relief. Okay. I can do this. I'm still in control. I can still handle this. Just breathe. Just focus on your breathing.

Breathing through it and feeling no relief at all. Slowly losing your grip on your coping mechanisms. Decending into panic and desperation. Hyperventilating.

Doing okay with the pain until one small extra thing suddenly completely sends you over the edge.

Rocking back and forth. Trying to sooth yourself and distract yourself. Fidgeting. Biting your lip. Bitting your nails.

Pulling on your hair to create new pain to distract you from the existing one.

Getting dizzy and nauseous just from the pain.

Drifting in and out of consciousness. Welcoming the softening edges of the pain as you're slowly drifting off.

Constant chronic pain that might not be that severe but becomes completely overwhelming to your mind simply because its always there.

Sharp unexpected blunt pain that suprises you and makes you yell out, all of your brain consumed by the sudden wave of agony as adrenaline rushes through your system and you're awareness completely shrinks to the sensation or the injury.

They try to reason. Try to tell themselves that it's just the dry air. That they didn't hydrate enough.

Whumpee leaning into Caretaker, feeling the solid and steady weight of their body

Caretaker placing a hand over Whumpee's, letting Whumpee know they're there in an unobtrusive way

Whumpee and Caretaker pressing their knees together under a table, grounding each other in a way no one else gets to see

preemptively getting defensive, expecting caretaker to be angry at them, only to get stunlocked by insistence that they go back to bed and rest

trying to brush care off with awkward jokes, insisting that it's not that bad, because they're not used to all the attention and they have no idea how to react

just freezing in quiet confusion while caretaker changes their cold compress, checks their temperature, goes through the usual routine that is completely foreign for whumpee