AgereFairyBabi

just wrote a story about how i hate my dads new kids because theyre taking any chance of him being my dad away, but also that i know its not their fault. 

but i can’t help it. theyre taking everything away from me.. but why should i want to be a part of his life?? he’s abusive, and horrible. they didnt ask to be born, theyll have to go through a lot more than i will.. but they shouldn’t be here anyway.. 

i drew a picture for the protestors at my old high school (im still in high school just not that one) for the victim of a student. he is a senior this year, he raped a mentally disabled student at my old school. hes being tried as an adult, and can get up to 20 years in prison. 

i wanted to make another one for the three boys in the other part of this protest, but it kept triggering me into an impure regression where all i could do is cry and yell. so this post is for that boy, the victim of those boys. those boys beat him up, and molested him. they took videos of it, and sent it to friends. almost every kid in my town has it now. 

so now, to that boy,

just know that it is not your fault. they are sick and cruel. im here for you, and there are so many people who will help you get through this. youre so strong, and brilliant, and i hope you know, those boys will see the consequences of their actions. sending you all my love, 

he was mad at some point, idr what about, but he was mad. and i assumed it was at me, so i told him, “im sorry, idk what to say” and i had to fight the urge to hit myself because he was upset. 

babi: dada my tummy hurts... :(

dada: oh no, whats wrong baby??

babi: *stands up and leaves a small red spot on blanket*

dada: oh baby, come here. lets get you cleaned up, love

babi: im sorry dada! i didn't mean to!

dada: it's ok angel, i know it was an accident. all dada cares about is making sure his baby is ok :)

*leads babi to the bath and runs a bubble bath with water crayons and a paci*

dada: ok baby, lets go get you some jammies and ill get you some pain meds

my ex and i were happy once. we loved each other, but he broke up with me. he blocked me from his tweets, but not his acc. i blocked him to distance myself. he asked if we could still talk, and i felt my guard go up. and it didnt fucking stay up. it should have. i started regressing again, and he wanted to be my cg. he was my cg for a few hours. he wasnt ok with it. thats fine. im ok with that. and he also told me that, he wasnt comfortable with us talking at all anymore. i told him, dont worry, its fine. but its not. its not fucking fine. i cant take him doing this every two seconds. i cant. and hes sorry, he says hes sorry, but i cant fucking tell. i dont care. i just want to be left alone. i cant take it anymore, it hurts too much. i should have kept my guard up. i shouldn’t have dated him to begin with. i shouldn’t have spoken to him at all. someone tell me, how i can do such a fucking stupid thing? we will probably go back to the way it was, but i cant fucking do it anymore. it’s just gonna be a cycle, and im gonna get more and more hurt each time. im not taking my guard down anymore. 

and he fucking. he KNOWS this fucks with me. he knows. and he knows that he is the ONLY person that i’ve been STUPID ENOUGH to let in. he knows. and this is what he does. he lets himself be unsure. 

so i took a small break bc i was balling my eyes out from frustration and hurt. and i let him know how i was feeling. here is that message: 

me:  so.. im sorry. im sorry for having to say this but im hurting so please just hear me out. i dont want this to be a repeat thing. i dont want to get trapped in a cycle of "lets talk" to "we shouldn't talk" im tired, im hormonal rn, and im balling my eyes out over Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. i really like you, you're one of my favorite people, but i just.. i cant keep it up anymore. im tired, im sick, and im tired of putting my guard up and then taking it down. so please, if this is it, let me know, or maybe, just give it more time than last time, bc i need you to be sure.. i dont mean to sound desperate or harsh, but im almost at my limit :(

him: Thats ok! i understand your point, and i respect your limits. i dont think i can be the person youre looking for and im sorry. i think we should go our separate ways [Whomself]

me: thanks for letting me know (name) i really appreciate it. thank you for being there for me. i wish you the best. 

ATTENTION EVERYONE!!

It is time for me to announce that i will once again start age regressing! i took a break and now it feels much better than it ever did to regress! i have no cg unfortunately but i AM looking! if you are 15-18, then please fill out my cg form! 

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1YHfXOaYs1zdVRJDupbj6Bz4NYaHn2l2q0Ab_f4vhYJo/edit

if you dont have a twitter just put N/A :) i will get back to you as soon as i can, if you respond tonight, i will be in bed, but i WILL check tomorrow and everyday!! :))