thoughts of a yung jedi

Does this thing have a character limit? ( i kid, sorta. )

Time doesn’t mean progress, it just means the telomeres have replicated more numerically. You can still feel just as stuck.

Everyone’s highlights are in your face all the time. How are people making seamless transitions through life’s milestones so effortlessly? Engagement, marriage, children, buying a house with the person they did the previous three things with. My brain has only been fully formed for THREE years for Christ sake and all of a sudden I’m expected to make decisions about a life partner and buying a 1.2 million dollar property. I mean, sure, I love leveraged debt as much as the next person - it’s the person that I think I have commitment issues with. Money flows, people go?

Nothing becomes clearer, in fact the road maps get more faint and none existence as life progresses. This is especially true when I don’t have conventional goals of getting married, having kids, hell or even the cliché Europe trip to “find myself”. Bitch I’m here, in line at Rexall buying Q-tips on sale.

Every choice feels so much more… heavy. Actions have more consequences, and no longer can you get away with things with a giggle and shrug.

You have to be comfortable with uncertainty and the fact that there isn’t a right and wrong decision. There just isn’t. You have to be okay with the fact that all decisions are grey. And I’m uncomfy with this.

All your childhood trauma begin surfacing because you become aware of it and the journey of “healing” and “self-parenting” is just that - a fucking journey that never fucking ends

“what if we never moved?” I was obsessed with asking my parents this question. Being generation 1.5 and shipped across the Pacific right before 3rd grade I went down a tangent in this universe, a version where dialogues of dreams are in English and Saturdays were for cartoons instead of prep class. In this version I was allowed to eventually quit violin and experiment with marijuana without the fear of being executed. In this universe I am also relegated to a society where my ethnicity will always precede my nationality in a way that exudes feelings of otherness, and the warmth of my extended family is only felt through the heat of a cellular device. For all the versions of life I have daydreamed about, and for all the versions of myself I will continue to scrutinize, it was all somehow captured in a very silly and extremely endearing film. Everything everywhere all at once.