your heart is pure.

@whitelightcr

‘Stefan.’ She didn’t know why her mind had gone to him earlier when Klaus was choking her, as if she in any way deserved his help, deserved that he of all people be the one to save her from the clutches of her oldest bête noire. So she’d tossed the thought of way and as almost always, found a way to elude death, even if it was in a scrappy, squirming struggle. 

Yet in spite of that her mind kept wandering to Stefan, even if she had no idea why, her heart racing as she had sped away putting as much distance between herself and the original hybrid as she physically could, now that she no longer had the speed of a vampire to carry her. She finally slowed down trying to catch her breath and looked over her shoulder, power pulsing through her veins at the ready in case she’d have to react to Klaus tailing her.

Brow furrowed in confusion, the former vampire made a move to pay for his coffee and picked up his jacket to leave.

When he’d stepped out of the coffee shop and into the street, the feeling came again. More persistent. More desperate, like strings connected to him were being pulled on. Not to control, but to beckon. To pull him to them. At a loss for what else to do, Stefan turned down an empty alleyway and allowed his eyes to close, sinking into the familiarity of his new magic and feeling the air around him shift and change as he was orbed somewhere else. 

When he next took a step, he almost bumped into someone, his hands reaching out to catch the body by the shoulders as her head was turned away from him. “Katherine?” came Stefan’s voice, though of course, he was not unsure as to who’s frame he’d just caught hold of. Her name only slipped questioningly from his tongue because he hadn’t expected to see her... Here. He looked around, taking in their surroundings, feeling a sense of alertness, a protectiveness, before his gaze settled on her. “Katherine, what’s going on? What are you doing here?” He paused, looking her over. “Why are you out of breath? Are you alright?”

“ i haven’t really done much, ” she replies lightly, knowing that they’re both aware of the fact that stefan has missed a lot of events in her life. so many ups and downs, but elena’s just glad to be able to fill him in and have him in her life again. it feel so surreal to be able to think that to herself, but it brings such a sense of warmth and happiness that she lets the thought sit in the back of her mind. there were so many times in which she wondered if he was watching over her. when he says that he was there with her, her smile grows wider, because she feels as though she should have never questioned it. even if she doesn’t exactly know what peace is like, nor what that realm of the afterlife has to offer, she just feels like it should have been obvious to her because stefan was always beside her, every step of the way for years, and nothing could change that. 

she wonders how much he really saw. if he saw her crying to every night during the first few months after his death, or when she would pause in front of her dresser almost every morning to glance at a picture frame that held an old photograph of them together, or if he saw how many times she’d go out of her way to visit his grave, even in the middle of finals or a heavy school week. the last part he’s somewhat answered already, but still, it makes her smile. everything he says makes her smile, really.

it’s then when elena realizes that that wasn’t the only thing he saw. those two years were full of confusion and turmoil in terms of her love life, too. while she can’t remember when she and damon took what they thought would be a temporary ‘ break ’ from one another, she knows that he must have seen it. at the very least, stefan saw the beginning of the end of them. needless to say, it was a difficult time in her life on multiple fronts. “ i’m sure you saw a lot of sad moments, ” she responds, her voice playful. her hands feel right in his, and his touch brings a sense of serenity that she hasn’t felt since he died. “ what about the years in between? ” she asks, wondering if he’s been back the whole time. she’s still processing everything he said. her  eyebrows are slightly furrowed and lips parted, as though she’s ready to ask further questions but she can’t figure out exactly where to start.

Everything. He saw everything. The tears.. Even being at Peace with Lexi.. It hadn’t stopped hurting. Seeing her that way. Seeing her grieve him. Seeing her wake up without him being there to greet her. To tell her that everything was going to be okay. God he’d wanted to be, though. Of course, Lexi had called him a martyr for it. For watching. Watching her hurting. But could he really let her go through it alone? Sure, Damon had been there, too. His brother. They’d both grieved for him. But he couldn’t NOT try to be there. In whatever way he could. Even if they couldn’t feel him. He remembered willing himself to be able to reach out and touch Damon’s shoulder. Or Elena’s cheek. To wrap them up in an embrace and never let them go. It never worked. He was stuck, unable to help them. Lexi at his side. Just like she always was. She knew, too. She knew, as happy as he was to be with her, to be reunited with her in their Death Peace Pact.. that he longed for Elena and Damon and Caroline. To be able to do more for them. To take the pain away. The good times they had though.. Elena and Caroline and Bonnie reuniting. The girls. Josie and Lizzie and their mom falling in love with life. Damon and Ric back at their favourite bar, with their favourite Bourbon. Stefan nodded. Yeah, he saw everything he could. Every moment he could. When he wasn’t with Lexi driving and listening to Bon Jovi and singing at the top of their lungs. When they weren’t having those deep talks. Talks of regrets and wishes. He’d seen everything he could. 

It’s the first time he looks away from her. When she asks that. His forest green hues darken, resembling the colour of a dimmed night sky from under a canopy of trees. His eyes close and hundreds of images flash behind his eyes; some of them, the most painful of them, involving Elena. Stefan squeezes his eyes tighter shut to blacken the picture out and his hand in Elena’s twitches, reminding him where he is, and where he’s not. He was no longer in that in between life. It still hurt, it still hurt more than anything, but he wasn’t there now. He was with Elena. Safe. Walking hand in hand with her. The whitelighter smiled slightly at that and turned his head to look at their intertwined fingers, almost as if bracing himself to look at her face again. When he does, Stefan smiles again, and shrugs his shoulders. “I would’ve come back the first second I’d been able to. As much as I might have wanted to stay away for you. For my brother. I couldn’t have been that selfless.” It’s not a complete answer, but it would have to be enough for now. Stefan could barely get out of his own mind for long enough at the minute. If he was going to go back inside his head later; he at least wanted these moments with her now. 

she’s not sure how to go on, at first. whereas silence like this is usually defeating and uncomfortable, this one says more than what words can offer. it means something, just as every other silent moment before this one had a meaning to it, especially when the two of them were in a relationship. the moment seems frozen in time, allowing both of them to take in the presence of the other. now that he’s here, she feels all of that again; the comfort, the warmth, and a sense of being alive that only stefan can bring forth in her. his comment makes her grin, a laugh in the form of an exhale emitting her. “ you were gone for so long, stefan. there’s so much i have to tell you. ” one of her hands slips from the sides of his face to just behind his neck, the other holding onto the arm that extends towards her as he caresses her cheek. the way they touch each other doesn’t feel odd or out of place. in fact, that doesn’t even come to mind. everything just feels so natural, the scene unfolding perfectly before her.

elena’s lips press together, trembling with all of the emotions that are shared between them before she speaks again. the happiness she feels is overwhelming, even more so when their eyes are locked and wonder fills their gaze. “ how are you here? ” she can only hope that the answer is something that will mean that this is permanent, that he won’t leave her again. no matter how much time has passed or how much time will come to pass, elena will always need him. now that she feels complete, the possibility of her not being able to see him like this for the rest of her life is something she doesn’t want to think about again. not now, when all she’s doing is taking in the fact that he’s here with her. not through photographs, videos, or old voicemails, but in person. no matter how long she spent trying to make sure that she’d never forget how it felt to be in the presence of stefan salvatore, nothing could have prepared her for how breathtaking this would come to be. 

“Mm,” he hums, a soft sound from deep within his chest. It was always good to hear her laugh. It was a sound he’d missed more than he could put into words. “I guess it has been a little while,” he agrees, but he’s smiling, teasing even. His smile only widens as he allows himself the simple pleasure of continuing to look at her. “I want to hear everything.” His voice is sincere, earnest, a little stronger as he promises her that. His thumb moves to trace along her jaw before he gently tucks a piece of hair away behind her ear and his hand is moved to her neck. There’s nothing odd about the way he touches her. Nothing off or foreign. This was the way it had  ALWAYS been. It was the way he’d always touch her. Whether it was a week from when they met, or twenty years later, or more. It didn’t matter. There would always be an infinite softness, an aching depth, in the way they touched one another, like they’d known each other forever. Like they’d loved each other forever. From the very dawns of time. 

her face is brushed up against the side of his, breathing in the familiarity that she thought she had lost forever. but even through the years, with various failed and triumphant attempts at a new, well-rounded life, her attachment to him remains unchanged, as if nothing more than a day has passed since the last time they saw each other. it feels right; being here, with him, feels right. the sound of his voice still catches her off guard. maybe one day she’ll tell him about how she kept one of the phones that held old voicemails of him. even though it’s an outdated fossil, she was too afraid to lose the voicemails to throw it away. so she listened to them often, and did so just that morning.

but being here in being person, it sounds so much more clear and real. and there goes that word again: real. she hears him repeat it, making the scene all the more concrete. even though every second that passes makes her less and less afraid of having him slip from her again, her grip doesn’t loosen until several moments pass. she holds onto him for what feels like both an eternity and not long enough. finally, she lets go, only to have her of her hands carefully set at the sides of his face, body distanced enough for her to be able to see him clearly. even if she knows about silas being back, this is stefan. she knows it. “ oh my god, ” she repeats, her voice sounding choked up and throaty. “ i— i missed you so much, stefan. ” even that doesn’t begin to put it into context, because nothing she can say could ever even begin to cover how much she really missed him.

He isn’t the one to break the hug. He couldn’t. He was exhausted and he wasn’t sure anymore if he’d be able to stand without her. But then she’s touching his face. She’s touching his face and.. ‘Oh my God’. Yeah. It did feel as if that had something to do with it, didn’t it? The fates, destiny, throwing them into each other’s paths again. It seemed unthinkable for it not to happen this way. “It’s only been a few years..” he whispers back, trying to keep his voice light, teasing. Level, even. He wasn’t sure it worked. He could hear his voice for himself, though it sounded more like an echo. It was rough, and he was sure she’d feel the ache through it. Stefan’s hand is light, and gentle, as it slips from her nape, fingertips curling lightly around the base of her neck instead.

It felt like a lifetime since he’d seen her. 

“I missed you, too.” Every single day. He shakes his head, his gaze moving over her eyes, lost, for the moment, in them. He couldn’t tell her that, though, could he? It had been so long.. The last he’d seen she’d been in love with his brother. She’d been on her way back to him. Back to her happily ever after with Damon. The thought made him smile. A quiet one. The idea of Elena getting a happily ever after in life.. After all she’d been through.. Even if it wasn’t with him. Even if he hadn’t been able to see it for himself. Even if it hurt. He couldn’t tell her.. He couldn’t tell either of them all the ways he’d thought about her since he’d been gone. Since he’d been back -- sort of -- among the living. Slowly, Stefan allows an exploratory brush of his thumb against her cheek, and his lips part slightly as he follows the movement with his eyes.