i wore the hijab for all of last week but i don’t know if i have it in me yet. yesterday i was street racing in the benz. i’m moving to new york. life has been moving at this breakneck speed but i still can’t make sense of what he did to me

when my cousin’s evening Raya swipes come in and we sit on her porch in Brooklyn making fun of the men while smoking cigarettes

it’s all a blur but I think I took 2mg xanax 1mg ativan and 50mg trazodone to try to end it all lol and then I was on ft with my friend telling her about how everything went wrong. I think I passed out on ft but all i remember is seeing my friend in my room and I was like huh how did u get here and she’s like just go to sleep so i put some of my blanket over her then it was like 7 am and my phone was locked out for an hour and she was throwing out my prescriptions while saying smth about lisdexamfetamine and asking where the bathroom was and how to lock the front door and I told her to take the house key with doggies on it then I passed out. then my dad woke me up at noon and my phone was locked out for an hour still and he told me my friend was ringing the bell at 10pm and asked if she could check on me then she slept here the whole night (neither one of us are allowed sleepovers)

worst day of my life! like genuinely one for the books! ended things with him. and my cousin proved unreliable as usual so the 3 wk trip to nyc that was my sole motivation to get through this past month is now cancelled. i was supposed to meet him today and i was supposed to leave for nyc this friday but life has a funny way of snatching things away from me

how to make a man grow a conscience so he can feel bad about hurting you and stop? urmm

Can he please leave my mind for once too

Praying the Ativan lets me sleep before midnight FOR ONCE