Whispers Into the Dark

you probably don't realize this but the mess you see, the clutter in this small shelter i call a room is a pretty good represntation of my state of mind and even though it looks like im just messy the truth is my life is a mess right now the clothes that i step on clean dirty they are all i hate about the way i don't fit or smell quite right next to everyone else and the piles of paper plates and forks and bowls they are how much i want to just throw up every time i eat and the ratty looking papers off my desk so i don't have to see them they are my fear of failure and disapointment

my only solice is an unmade bed

they leaned in and listened intently like his word rang with perfect truth

slowly,

is knowing I mean so much less

to you

then you do

to me

and if I were to disappear

would you wonder about my absence?

would I cross your mind at all?

because every night I lay awake thinking of you

by the arteries

in our wrists, 

through the veins

sometimes people say:

"i feel like i have no friends"

"all i want are friends"

"i feel like i just annoy everyone"

and i know they are saying these things

out of self hate

and they plaster on disclaimers like

this isn't everyone just most people

"don't take it personally"

but how can i not?

when i give myself so little worth

and all i want is your friendship

it feels like an un-winnable battle

for your attention and affection

and i so easily fuck up

but i love you enough that