young and irresponsible

_________________________

Thu, Nov 4 2004

its almost cute how all you kids think you know so much shit about

politics. since you all love to follow trends, bush is the new kerry.

i’m tired of hearing how it’s the end of the world, stop being so

dramatic, your life will not be affected by this.

__________________________

Sun, Nov 7 2004

i swear its bad luck or no luck at all. someone is out to get me and

here is proof: first i get a $15 parking ticket at school for parking

in a staff spot. second i get the $100 speeding ticket. then on

thursday my car got towed from school for parking in front of

einstein bagels for my class. $150. total cost of bullshit in the last

two weeks? $265. sucks bad.

the underoath coheed show was amazing. both of them were so

good it gave me chills and butterflies at times. we started to

record a new song this weekend so hopefully that will be done

pretty quick. i’ve been getting sadhappy when i listen to some of

my favorite records from the past two years. certain songs remind

me of specific times..and i can remember things in such detail..

last year this time was mae and the new blink. and trying to stay

happy when its so cold and depressing outside.

summertime got me thinking back to when you were mine

__________________________

Mon, Nov 15 2004

panic at the disco’s new groove.

hey we recorded a new song and put it on purevolume but we

dont know what to call it yet. so its just new song. but go hear it

WWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHEDISCOWWW.PUREVOLUM

E.COM/PANICATTHEDISCOWWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHE

DISCOWWW.PUREVOLUME.COM/PANICATTHEDISCO thanks.

-ry

__________________________

Tue, Nov 16 2004

thoughts of a dying atheist.

Watch your mouth your speech is slurred enough that you might

swallow your tongue. I'm sure you’d want to give up the ghost

with a little more poise than that. (thank me later) Or was it god

who chokes in these situations? running late? no,no, he called in.

Problem: the hospice is a relaxing weekend getaway, where you

are a cut above every sick sad patient. Where you’re on first name

basis with all the top physicians. Solution: prescribed pills to offset

the shakes... to offset the pills you should take… um.. take.. take it

a day at a time (fix a vice with a vice.) That’s when you st st

stutter something profound to the support on the line.. and with

the way you’ve been talking every word gets you a step closer to

hell. A pessimist? No I just cant help it. to say what everyone else

is thinking.. (let me state the obvious again). I am alone in this

bed, house and head. She never fixes this but at least she makes

me forget.

those are the lyrics to the new song on purevolume for whoever

was wondering.

also brendon (singer) got a livejournal recently so go be his friend.

part_time_lovah

__________________________

Wed, Nov 17 2004

tonight the faint played at house of blues. and that was a show.

not just a band playing. a fucking show. they had videos up on

projection screens to go along with every song it was amazing.

the entire floor was dancing like it was a club. unbelievable. here

is another one of my baby- and yuri knows all about the dirty

greasy creepy band practice hair. and nerd sweaters. okay thats it

im done. ps. keep telling all your friends about us, we just broke

1000 listens today. thank you

__________________________

Mon, Nov 22 2004

dear livejournal, i managed to waste an entire day today. remind

me not to do this again.and help me get out of this writers block

while you’re at it. thanks

love, ryan.

__________________________

Sun, Nov 28 2004

“take those pics and write the hits”

wow. big things have been happening. pete from fob heard the

band and liked it. he and i talked today about alot of things about

what we plan to do, as of now he’s going to go see us in

california. who knows after that. wierd that someone in a band i

really like is into my music. it feels good.

__________________________

Fri, Dec 3 2004

panic at the disco.

__________________________

Sat, Dec 4 2004

from left to right: brendon (guitar vocals) spencer (drums) me

(guitar lyrics) (brent bass)

__________________________

Wed, Dec 15 2004

bombing finals. writing instead.this weekend.l.a. road trip. today a

semi truck with bees crashed on the freeway, bees everywhere.

__________________________

Thu, Dec 16 2004

chris made us a neat myspace page.. i dont really get it but here:

http://www.myspace.com/panicatthedisco

make us some friends.

__________________________

Mon, Dec 20 2004

if i could bottle my hopes in a store bought scent they’d be nutmeg

peach and they’d pay the rent.

los angeles was good. life aquatic was good.mansoup was

good.my updates suck because i have to keep my mouth shut. “i

keep telling myself that i’m not the desperate type”

edit: go to asiandan’s journal to see what im talking about. bye.

__________________________

Sat, Dec 25 2004

a pink nightmare

i haven’t been keeping up with this thing and im sorry if i seem like

a dick. truthfully i probably wont be writing too much in here

anymore.i’ll try and update to let people know i’m still alive but it

has come to a point where i don’t think this journal is serving it’s

purpose anymore.

iusedtowritewhatifeltandnowidon’tgetanyofitdown.

__________________________

Sat, Dec 25 2004

If we were to meet under the mistletoe, would you kiss me? - YES

- MAYBE - NO WAY copy and repost! see who wants to kiss you!

hahahhaa….sweet

__________________________

Thu, Dec 30 2004

i am hollywood.

everyone should take notice to this playlist. he is legend

the kinison

jay z vs. linkin park

moving units

showbread

new vanessa carlton

enjoy.

- ry

__________________________

Sun, Jan 23 2005

your mouth is like a magazine.

sup.

i’m thinking we move the band to l.a. because for some reason or

another we end up down there every weekend.

anyways..nothing big going on. trying to write songs at breakneck

speed.and “this mission just got a hell of a lot more impossibler”.

song #1 for the record:done. well,maybe.

the academy is…coming here feb 12. looking forward to meeting

those dudes.you will all love their record.

i got some good new games for gameboy advance which should

be good for the road.

pokemon ruby version

super mario world

super mario 3

mega man and bass

backyard hockey

kick ass.

pete put a shitty picture of us up on the clandestine site. go make

fun of it. brendon is wearing a bra

__________________________

Sun, Jan 30 2005

ok. i haven’t had any sort of schedule in my life for the past 2 to 3

months so im trying to act like a normal person now.

1. wake up before noon

2. write every single day

3. listen to a new band every day

the list will grow but thats for starters.

__________________________

Fri, Feb 4 2005

maybe its my love of dispondent things but the woodsman is a

good movie, see that.

i’ve been thinking alot on what i want this record to be about. and

i have some things i’d like to say i just hope it comes out right.

parts will be about some of you too like it or not.

i am going to start wearing my seatbelt more often. i have seen

some pretty bad car wrecks happen in my head.

give me envy give me malice give me closure.

if i talk alot of shit on this record i hope i can back it up.

__________________________

Thu, Feb 10 2005

portugal the man, is really, really good. i think.

__________________________

Thu, Feb 10 2005

portugal the man, is really, really good. i think.

__________________________

Thu, Feb 24 2005

i’ve been trying to find a new heart on ebay. i think they quit

making those though.

__________________________

Thu, Mar 10 2005

"Proposing college courses on the pigments of his eye color which

had prevailingly changed in the matter of your position toward the

sun.”

wish that were about me.

you out write me any day of the week.

__________________________

Tue, Mar 15 2005

panic at the disco are such sellouts

sooooo, its official. we signed to decaydance/fueled by ramen!

we’ve got a lot of work to do for this record. i’ll be pretty much

hibernating and only coming out when something super important

comes up that i think you all should hear about

wishusluck

__________________________

Mon, Apr 4 2005

snap your fingers. tap your heel to the concrete.

in this little number we party like its 1888.

i hope you like to dance to different beats.

you’ll love this record.

or hate it.

__________________________

Fri, Apr 15 2005

i traded in you bedsheets for shoddy transmission dreams in the

back of a van.

this is where i am supposed to write how i feel.

“she sure as hell aint you, but lord knows she’ll have to do”

imlosingit.

__________________________

Mon, Apr 25 2005

death on two legs.

mr. mercury said it best.

what is my excuse. i do drunk dialing minus the alchohol.

god damn i’d hate to see what i’d do under the influence.

but you see what you’ve done? this is what i get for giving myself

to you in the first place.

indiangivericannotbewhoiwish.

it goes like this.

i am here

now i’m there.

__________________________

Tue, Apr 26 2005

got a heavy metal mouth that hurls obscenity

and i get my check from the trash treasury

because i took my own insides out

it don’t matter cause i have no sex life

all i want to do now is inject my ex wife.

__________________________

Thu, Apr 28 2005

“can anybody find me somebody to love”

__________________________

Sat, May 7 2005

“You got a new friend, now I’m the odd man gone.

You got a new friend.

You got a new friend, I know.

And your mom’s got you convinced that he’s the one.

He’s all you need, so forget me – marry him at once.

But if you ever change your mind…

I could still buy that box of wine.

I still have your copy of Harold and Maude.

But you got a new friend.

Yeah, you got a new friend”

i’ve been weaving you a playlist, if you put together all the lyrics

from these past few entries, you’ll see.you’ll see.

“i’ll write the album of the year, and i know she’ll love me then. i

swear to god she did its the way she’d bite my lower lip and push

her hips against my hips and dig her nails deep into my skin.”

i’m in a slump.

__________________________

Sat, May 14 2005

“In periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as

though we are spellcast. We speak in sentences that end before

finishing.

We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as

we dream alone.”

__________________________

Wed, May 18 2005

this is prefect non fiction fiction.

oh look what i found. this evening,while cleaning. i found your

diary. it doesn’t get any better than this. this is the scalp off the

head of your worst enemy. just what were you thinking?leave it to

me. i’ll write your life. displeasing things.i’ve already started on

some of the bigger events.wedding days..the part where i can’t

figure out why i can’t seem to just forget you completely.every

word i write will be the truth about how and why you threw me

away. things that you’d only find deep inside someones diary. and

when i fill all the pages i’ll send it back your way. you know, just to

see what you think.

__________________________

Mon, May 23 2005

you’ve got to hope there’s someone for you, as strange as you

are. who can cope with the things that you do, without trying to

hard.cause you can bend the truth, till it’s suiting you. these things

you’re wrapping all around you, you’ll never know what they will

amount to. cause life is just going on without you. it’s the end of

the things you know….here we go.

listen to this song. it’s moving

__________________________

Sun, May 29 2005

since you’ve been gone i cant breathe for the first timeeee

shegivesmebutterflies? whaaaat. how.

__________________________

Mon, May 30 2005

i’m writing fiction cause it’s just more interesting.

It’s when the cigarettes smoked after, seem so much cheaper

than the sex.

It’s these substandard motels on the on the corner of 14th and

Freemont Street.

Appealing, only because they are just that un-appealing.

Any practiced catholic would cross themselves on entering.

the rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe a just dash of

formaldehyde,

and the habit of decomposing right before your very eyes.

(along with the people inside.)

there are no raindrops on roses or girls in white dresses.

It’s sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses

at the shade of the sheets before all the stains

and a few more of your least. Favorite. Things.

Tonight tenants range from: a lawyer and a virgin,

accessorizing with a rosary tucked inside her lingerie

(she’s getting a job at the firm come Monday)

the Mrs. will stay with the cheating attorney,

moonlighting aside, she really needs his money.

Oh. What a wonderful caricature of intimacy

and not to mention, the constable. and his proposition,

for that “virgin”.Yes, the one the lawyer met with on “strictly

business”

as he said to the Mrs. only hours before.

After he had left, as she was fixing her face in a compact,

there was a terrible crash. Between her and the badge.

She spilled her bag and her purse held a “purse” of a different

type.

And here is where he entertains that proposition:arrested on

possession,

or.

(now if this were you)

think of what you wouldn’t want to happen

They ended up… well, making love isn’t exactly what I’m looking

for.

But.

You.

Get.

The.

Picture.

Oh. what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.

__________________________

Fri, Jun 3 2005

i got a new journal.check there sometimes for what i’m up to.

www.fueledbyramen.com/journal

also this band is something you’ll all thank me for knowing about

before they blow up.

www.purevolume.com/thehushsound

__________________________

Tue, Jun 7 2005

i’ll be missing someone special. perfectly horrible timing.

“yeah, you do you do you do you do you do. you make me want

you”

“send me all your vampires”

__________________________

Mon, Jun 27 2005

de biasi de de biasi

hello hellooo. i’m in maryland right now, today is the first day of

tracking drums which also happens to be the first day i’ll be able

to be on the internet. first of about four total. anyways we did

preproduction for the past 7 days and the squiz is convinced we

are ready to begin bringing the rock. ooooooooooh

yea im a nerd. maryland is pretty nice i guess. we met a rapper

named Dibiasi at danny’s sub shop, he’s from North Carolina. he’s

street. thinking about having him do some guest vocals on our

record. his manager “Big Easy” wants us to tour with him. so yea

that has probably been the funniest and most awesome thing to

happen since we’ve been here.

i wear the same clothes almost everyday and have been getting

lazier and lazier, started with just wearing basketball shorts

everyday…then the same shorts…then same shorts and shirt…

then not showering..then not combing my hair.. so if i were

famous, this is what i would do to not get noticed in public. but it’s

probably gotten so bad that i do get noticed in ways like “look at

that poor homeless kid, we should feed him” okay i think i’m done.

i’ve said too much.

i miss you. you know who you are.

__________________________

Sun, Jul 3 2005

as soon as i start being kind of okay she realizes im the best

fucking thing that ever happened to her. go figure.to late honey.

i am heaven sent, don’t you dare forget. i am all you’ve ever

wanted.what all the other boys all promised.

__________________________

Sun, Jul 10 2005

my boo is back home wutwut

__________________________

Tue, Sep 13 2005

a year ago i was dreaming of where i am now.

now i dream of where i was then.

(bitter)sweetsixteensummers.andfalls.

we used to laze around like drug addicts in a heroin den.

shootuptill5am.

the scale is tilted far too off balance and i ruined it.

i’ve hurt everyone but myself for a change.

i’m not myself anyway.

We play by Donner Party rules at all times.

We are new age carnies.

__________________________

Tue, Sep 27 2005

whisper babe.. i’m as good as it gets in this town.whisper babe..

i’m a fever you can’t sweat out.

these are my deepest thoughts and secrets under a microscope or

under a spotlight. forgive me if i’m not quite ready to give them to

you.it’s just such a different feeling.. when i see you smiling and

singing back to me, i’m still playing different pictures in my head

that aren’t so pleasant. i’m doing my best now to live in the song

and not just the meaning. thank you all for picking up our record

today. it’s the biggest thing any of us have ever done and it’s a

great feeling to know all the thoughts and second guesses haven’t

gone unnoticed.

__________________________

Sat, Oct 8 2005

no more sleeping in the coffin. We are Oliver Twist.We are

Edward Scissorhands. We’re just make believe.

I’m living a fairy tale. and you’re all in it.

__________________________

Mon, Oct 10 2005

she’s dreaming of him i’m dreamingofher.

__________________________

Thu, Oct 20 2005

“finding faith in bathroom stalls…”

__________________________

Tue, Oct 25 2005

my oh my. things are well enough. never happy with where i’m at,

i really am trying to work on that.

i’m the kid in high school you never gave a fuck about. now i’m

signing your t-shirt. go figure.

you and me, we should make a secret song. but i don’t know if

you’re into it. but do i ever, nope.

everypicturetakesapieceofme.

__________________________

Wed, Nov 2 2005

can you still feel the butterflies?

wow. halloween is the new valentines day. i’m feeling quite a bit

better now because of you.

__________________________

Sun, Nov 6 2005

so everyone knows everything about me, I get it.everything you

ever hear, is also true all the time. okay?

eatitup.

love-ry

__________________________

Mon, Nov 14 2005

look what i got.

there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth…

__________________________

Sat, Nov 19 2005

i’m so sick it makes me happy, i’m so happy it makes me sick.

jacspoonsoon.

we become the things we do

__________________________

Thu, Dec 22 2005

if you’re ever lucky enough to have dreams about someone, and

wake up right next to them then you’ll know how i’ve felt the past

week or so. with you i don’t have to be anybody. my name is just

“yours”

i am stuck in a song. we are just sharks and butterflies. vicious

and fragile. my neck isn’t the same without you gnawing at it. six

days.

“A long december and there’s reason to believe

Maybe this year will be better than the last

I can’t remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving

Now the days go by so fast

And it’s one more day up in the canyons

And it’s one more night in hollywood

If you think that I could be forgiven…i wish you would”

__________________________

Mon, Feb 6 2006

lay like lions in the sand..

one day we’ll settle in seattle.

__________________________

Sun, Feb 12 2006

we put all our money on black in atlantic city-we came out on top.

i’m lonely, you should take a vacation.

__________________________

Tue, Feb 14 2006

montaguevscapulet

i am romeo.you’ll see. tomorrow you’ll be worlds away…still,

happy valentines day.

__________________________

Thu, Feb 23 2006

i see only black and white.pictures, i feel like i’m a ghost in all of

them. I may never get used to this.

and i speak to you like the chorus to the verse. drop another line

like a coda with a curse.

baby, i want something else, to get me through this semi-charmed

kind of life.

__________________________

Thu, Mar 9 2006

I want to be a lion, everybody wants to pass as cats.

yea we all want to be big big stars,

but then we have second thoughts about that.

I don’t always deal with things the best way, and in order to try

and slow my life down I disappear every now and then.

so believe in me, because i don’t believe in anything.

when everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.

sometimes, sometimes it’s not that easy.

I have this pocket watch, and I spin the hands around and around

just to pretend I have control of things. a month away. we can

play normal for a few days.

starcrossedlovers.

__________________________

Mon, Mar 13 2006

you come swimming into view..

I may be a great gambler but i can’t win. i roll six when i need

seven. i’m good. but no where near great.

I need to get away from the snow.. it’s pretty but i need some

heat. it’s not coming soon.

the sun’s gone down in my eyes. i’ve never been so alone, and i’ve

never been so alive.

magazine covers are ruining my face. i draw all over them. i

knowiknowiknow i know i know i know i can’t keep it all…together.

i’d like to believe my horoscope but it’s laughing. when i came to

visit you, that’s when i knew. that i could never have you.

living my life a thousand times faster than normal. i’m missing